- 19 hours ago
First broadcast 31st October 1979.
Mildred goes into hospital with suspected appendicitis so kindly Ann, to Jeffrey's annoyance, has George round for dinner.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Roy Kinnear - Jerry
Sue Bond - Gloria
Aimée Delamain - Patient (as Aimee Delamain)
Nina Baden-Semper - Sister
Royston Tickner - Doctor
Mildred goes into hospital with suspected appendicitis so kindly Ann, to Jeffrey's annoyance, has George round for dinner.
Yootha Joyce - Mildred Roper
Brian Murphy - George Roper
Norman Eshley - Jeffrey Fourmile
Sheila Fearn - Ann Fourmile
Nicholas Bond-Owen - Tristram
Roy Kinnear - Jerry
Sue Bond - Gloria
Aimée Delamain - Patient (as Aimee Delamain)
Nina Baden-Semper - Sister
Royston Tickner - Doctor
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:03You
00:38Oh, my God.
01:09Oh, no, no, no.
01:12It's a bit early for me, George.
01:14I'll have a scotch.
01:18We haven't seen you since you plumbed in our shower.
01:21No, no.
01:23Working all right, is it?
01:24Oh, yes, it's all right.
01:26Mind you, there's a strong smell of gas every time we turn it on.
01:28Yeah, yeah.
01:28Quite common, that, yeah.
01:30As a matter of fact, I'd be worried if it wasn't there.
01:33Bit wet, this glass, isn't it?
01:36No, no, no, no, that's the scotch.
01:38Oh, yeah, yes, that is.
01:42Mildew about, is she?
01:44No, no, no, she's next door.
01:46Oh, good, good.
01:47Now, what would you say, George, to a loan of 50 quid?
01:50Oh, yes, please.
01:53I'll start again.
01:55Look, you know my town residence, my pita-teer?
01:59Well, over the chip shop?
02:00Yeah, that's the one, yeah.
02:01Well, me and the landlord are having a bit of a disagreement about the rent.
02:05He wants me to pay it.
02:06Oh, sure.
02:07It's not him that worries me, you see.
02:08It's this big bruiser that backs him up.
02:10Shoulders like gas holders.
02:12Beats me why he married, I don't know.
02:16So, you want to borrow 50 quid or you're in trouble?
02:19That's it.
02:20Yeah, well, you're in trouble, I haven't got it.
02:23I had a fiver, but it went on a nag.
02:25Mildew?
02:25Yeah.
02:27She wanted a new nightie.
02:29Well, she's going in the hospital this afternoon, see.
02:31What for?
02:32Oh, about three or four days.
02:34Oh, it's nothing serious, love.
02:36The doctor thinks I've got a grumbling appendix.
02:38Oh, dear.
02:39Oh, I'm used to things grumbling.
02:41George never stops.
02:43Still, at least you can spend a few days in bed with nothing to do.
02:46Yeah, I'm used to that as well.
02:49You're going to have it out?
02:50Oh, there's no point, dear.
02:52I mean, if George isn't keen, he's not keen.
02:54Oh.
02:56Oh, the appendix.
02:58Well, it depends on the results.
03:01Inigo.
03:03Anne, I want you to have a word with your son.
03:06My son.
03:08Oh, dear.
03:09What's he done?
03:10It's what he wants morning, Mrs. Roper.
03:11What he wants to do.
03:12I want to stay out all night.
03:15Oh, well.
03:16I don't even let your father do that.
03:19In a tent in our back garden.
03:21I ask you, what would the neighbours think?
03:22Oh, we wouldn't mind.
03:23I'm sure you wouldn't.
03:25I was thinking of the other neighbours.
03:28Something to do with woodcraft.
03:30Oh, I can remember when I was a brownie.
03:33I'm not a brownie.
03:36No, dear, of course not.
03:38But I asked my parents if I could sleep out in a tent.
03:41Did they let you?
03:42Oh, yes.
03:43They rented my room off to a lodger.
03:46It took me three weeks to get back in.
03:49So I says to her, the landlord's wife, I says, you want to watch it?
03:53I says, I've got a black belt in chow mein.
03:56Is that some sort of Chinese food?
03:59Yeah, it's that too, yeah.
04:00Oh, hey, hey, hey.
04:02Sorry, Jerry, sorry.
04:03It's all right.
04:06Made no difference, though.
04:07They're still thinking they're kicking me out.
04:09Oh, no.
04:09They wouldn't throw you out, surely?
04:12George, oh, wait.
04:14Get him out of here.
04:16I'm on my way, Mrs. I just dropped in to see how the shower was.
04:19He's fine.
04:21We won't detain you.
04:22No.
04:23Right, I'll see you around, George.
04:25Yeah, right.
04:32You don't suppose I could touch your hand, eh?
04:34Not if you value your finger, no.
04:36See, Barry.
04:40You don't like him, do you?
04:42Now, come on, be honest.
04:43He'd steal the enamel from a blind man's cup.
04:46He knows you don't like him.
04:47He said to me, Mildew doesn't like me, he said.
04:50Who doesn't like him?
04:53Mildew, oh.
04:55No, it's just his little joke, yeah.
04:57Right, well, what time are you due down at the abattoir?
04:59Oh.
05:01That's the way.
05:02Be a comfort.
05:03Oh, come on.
05:04Can't be silly.
05:05You're not worried, are you?
05:05I'll be all right.
05:06Oh, good.
05:07Oh, so were you.
05:09I don't know why we have appendix in the first place.
05:12Useless little thing, doesn't serve any purpose.
05:14Same with your tonsils and with your, um...
05:16You're on dangerous ground, George.
05:21Now, look.
05:22I've got four clean shirts for you.
05:24So wear them one at a time.
05:26Right.
05:26All right.
05:27And I expect to see a line round the bath when I return.
05:30You can rely on me.
05:31Right.
05:32And you've got plenty of dinners.
05:33They're all in the freezer.
05:34Oh, all you have to do is to put them in the oven.
05:37No problem.
05:38Right.
05:38And light it.
05:39Hang on.
05:39I'd better write this down.
05:40Oh.
05:42Anyway, you'll be all right for tonight.
05:44And kindly invite you to round for dinner.
05:46Oh, go.
05:47So make sure you use the right knife for eating your peas.
05:49Right.
05:50Now, um...
05:52Anything else?
05:53No?
05:54Nothing.
05:55Right.
05:55Come on.
05:56All right.
05:57Oh, it's just one thing, Mildred.
05:58Yeah?
05:59Have you made out a will?
06:07You'll be in bed number two, Mrs. Roper.
06:09If you'd like to undress and get into it.
06:11Oh, right.
06:12Not you, hey.
06:14I know that.
06:15I'm just taking off his crush helmet.
06:16Doctor will be round to see you shortly.
06:20Hey, Mildred.
06:21Yeah?
06:21I shouldn't be in here.
06:22There are women in bed.
06:23I think you're safe, George.
06:25Right.
06:26Pull the curtain.
06:27Come on.
06:33Hey, it's no funny business, mind.
06:35No.
06:36Unzip me.
06:37Come on.
06:37Oh, right.
06:38All right.
06:40Where is it?
06:41Round of the way.
06:47Most husbands would know.
06:50Hey, you, uh...
06:51Are you getting undressed now?
06:52Yes.
06:52Right, I'll stay outside.
06:56Let me know when you do, son.
07:06How am I doing, Doctor?
07:12Oh, well, can't then.
07:15Yes, your blood pressure's coming along nicely.
07:18That's my temperature chart.
07:20Well, to the layman, yes, yes.
07:22Yes, well, keep taking the tablets.
07:24Are you going to examine my chest?
07:27No, no, no, no, no.
07:29No, it's very nice of you, but no, no.
07:32George?
07:32Who are you talking to?
07:34I've just got another patient.
07:35Excuse me.
07:37Right.
07:38How are we doing in here?
07:39Oh, my God, sorry.
07:41Mr. Roper, have you put your motorbike in the senior consultant's parking space?
07:46Oh, yeah.
07:46Oh, sorry, yeah.
07:47Well, I've got to go off now, Mildred, so I'll say cheerio.
07:50Oh!
07:50Oh, sorry.
07:53Oh, sorry.
07:53I've got to go off now.
07:56Excuse me.
07:57Excuse me.
08:13That's good, that.
08:14Nice drop of gravy.
08:16So I do.
08:19I've never been allowed to mop up my gravy.
08:23Oh, well, there's quite an art in it, you know.
08:26So you have to get the bread at the right angle.
08:29And we're one sweet right round the plate.
08:34Seconds, anyone?
08:36Fourths, Mr. Roper?
08:38Oh, no, no, no, no, thank you.
08:43Beg your pardon.
08:44Must have made a pic of myself.
08:47I liked the funny face you made with your mashed potatoes.
08:51Oh, yeah.
08:52That was good, that, wasn't it?
08:53A couple of peas for eyes, a bit of carrot for the nose,
08:56and a dribble of gravy for the mouth.
08:59Mildred doesn't let me do that.
09:00What?
09:02Well, should we take coffee in the lounge?
09:04Oh, yeah, right.
09:06Ah.
09:13Black or white, Mr. Roper?
09:16Oh, no, no, no, thank you.
09:18No coffee for me.
09:19It gives me the gallops.
09:26Oh, strange.
09:28I'll splash gravy all over me shirt.
09:31And mine.
09:34And his.
09:38I think I've got a bit of meat stuck behind me teeth.
09:41Never mind, I'll save it till later.
09:44Right, sir, what were you saying about a tent, then?
09:48I was going to sleep out in the garden tonight.
09:51Oh.
09:52But it's tiddling down out there.
09:57It's what?
09:59That's what Mr. Roper said.
10:01I've cleaned it up a bit.
10:06Here's a good programme on telly tonight.
10:08Celebrity Hopscotch.
10:09I'm afraid we usually watch BBC Two.
10:13This is on BBC Two.
10:16Ah.
10:18Well, there is a documentary I want to see.
10:21The Life Cycle of the Ethiopian Goat.
10:25What channel's that on, then?
10:27ITV.
10:28One doesn't know where one is these days.
10:30Yeah, right, well, I'll go watch my telly, then.
10:33Oh, are you sure you wouldn't like some coffee, Mr. Roper?
10:35Oh, no, no, no, thank you, no.
10:36Oh, er, what are we having for dinner tomorrow night?
10:39Er, we're eating out.
10:41Are we?
10:42Yes, we are.
10:43Oh, good.
10:44Oh, but not Chinese.
10:45I don't like Chinese.
10:47Here we go.
10:51How does he do it, Anne?
10:53Do what?
10:54He had gravy behind his ear.
10:57LAUGHTER
11:15Hello?
11:16Er, George, it's me.
11:18Oh, hello, Mildred.
11:19Hey, you're missing a good programme on telly tonight.
11:22Yeah, it's called Celebrity Hopscotch.
11:25Oh, Sir Robert Marks just collided with Diana Dawes.
11:29He's getting a bonus point for it.
11:32Yes, George, now, how are you managing?
11:34I've been concerned about you.
11:36Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, fine, fine, fine.
11:38How's yourself?
11:38Still got all your bits and pieces?
11:40Yes.
11:41Yes, I'm having an X-ray and some tests tomorrow morning.
11:43Oh, good, good.
11:44Oh, Angela Rippon's just gone to pear there.
11:48Nice pair of legs, though.
11:50Did you go to the Four Miles for dinner?
11:52Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:53Are they still speaking to us?
11:55Yeah, I think so.
11:56Oh, well, I'll apologise when I see them.
12:00I dread to think.
12:02Now, look, George, you are not to worry and fret about me.
12:06You can rely on me, Mildred.
12:09Yes, George.
12:10Well, er, goodnight.
12:12Eh, goodnight.
12:14Well, aren't you going to give me a kiss?
12:15Oh, oh, yeah, fine.
12:23Oh, yeah, what do you...
12:28Hey, George.
12:30What are you doing round here?
12:31The breaststroke.
12:35I brought your glass back, George.
12:38You'll notice that it's empty, but we can soon put that right, eh?
12:42Oh, yeah, right.
12:42Well, sit down, make yourself at home.
12:43Yeah.
12:44There's a good game on telly tonight.
12:46Celebrity hot scotch.
12:48Isn't that the Pope?
12:50Eh?
12:51Oh, he must have finished.
12:52Yeah, that's the news.
12:54Anyway, I was just passing, and I thought, old mate, all on his own.
12:58You are all on your own, aren't you, George?
13:00Oh, yeah, and Mildred's gone in.
13:01Good, good.
13:02The, er, the truth is, George, that, er, I'm up the well-known creek without any newspaper.
13:08Really?
13:09The landlords kicked me out, and I was, I was wondering whether, you know, old friend, you
13:15could, er, put me up.
13:16Yeah.
13:17Oh.
13:18Oh, well, erm...
13:19Just for the night, George.
13:20All right.
13:21Yeah, of course I can.
13:22Yeah, you're very welcome, Gerry.
13:24Bless you.
13:25We really appreciate that.
13:26Yeah, well, I mean, that's at least a friend for...
13:28We?
13:30Oh, well, didn't I mention it?
13:32Er, yeah, I've got my, er, my niece staying with me.
13:36Oh, my niece?
13:37Yeah, no, listen, Gerry.
13:38All right, Gloria.
13:39You can come in.
13:43Oh, I'd be so close to the bra if I had one.
13:45This is George, my friend.
13:47He's a saint, Saint George.
13:48Oh, yeah?
13:49Where's his dragon?
13:50She's in hospital.
13:52LAUGHTER
13:54APPLAUSE
13:54Get a comment from
13:55Aye, aye, aye, aye.
14:00Sure, that's so good.
14:06Thank you, everybody.
14:07For the most in anemia we come in,
14:08you're nice to meet her.
14:08Here is a contest.
14:08You've well sent us some stars you've done,
14:09you're next, likely that brought a no-toos embaixo,
14:10Oh, no.
14:10One, when he was 때문에 you of the was born he was born.
14:10Bye, thanks.
14:19little, you're forever,
14:21one, I could find fun to do what he did and create it.
14:38You alright, Gerry?
14:39Oh, yeah, yeah. Thank you, George.
14:41It's very, very nice of you to lend me this.
14:44Not my colour, but still, you know.
14:46Yeah, it's one of Mildred's.
14:48Yeah, yeah. I didn't think it was yours, George.
14:50How long are you going to be in there?
14:54Yeah, Jerry, I've been thinking.
14:56You haven't got any brothers and sisters, have you?
14:58Not a one, no. Only child, George.
15:00Well, how come you've got a niece, then?
15:07Miracle drugs, George.
15:10Oh, I see.
15:12I hope you don't mind I used your toothbrush.
15:14Only I like to put fresh mascara on before I go to bed.
15:19Oh, well, you're in the spare room and your uncle's in with me.
15:25Thrilled.
15:26So I'll say goodnight, then.
15:30Is he a bit simple or something?
15:32Yeah, that's about sums it up, yeah.
15:34Never mind, I might do a bit of sleepwalking later on, eh?
15:38Well, don't come in that. You look more glamorous than I do.
15:42Stop complaining. At least you've got a roof over our heads, haven't we?
15:45I don't like it here.
15:48I never promised you a rose garden.
15:51It's curtains for you,
15:54Gumshoe, said the blonde broad.
15:57Waviness, nut-nosed Roscoe.
15:59Hank spat out a tooth and gave a crooked grin.
16:03Shab over, George.
16:04Oh, right.
16:07Anybody ever tell you you're sexy, baby?
16:13You what?
16:14You said Hank.
16:15Oh, no, it's a book, see?
16:16Oh, thank God for that.
16:26Like a bit of apple, George?
16:27What?
16:27Oh, no, no, thank you, Jerry.
16:29Not why I'm in bed.
16:30No.
16:31I'll just have a pickled onion.
16:42Are you a light sleeper, are you, George?
16:45How do you mean?
16:46Well, you know, I mean, if I have to get up during the night for a quick visit to the
16:51bathroom, you know, would you hear it?
16:54Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.
16:57Slightest movement in this bed and I'm wide awake.
17:01Good night, George.
17:02Yeah.
17:03Good night, Mildred.
17:15So they've done the tests already?
17:17Oh, they've done loads, love.
17:19They've done everything except pull me in half and wash me in two different soap powders.
17:23And?
17:24We should have the results this afternoon.
17:26Oh, love, look, I'm sorry about George's behaviour last night.
17:30What behaviour?
17:31I don't know, but I'm sorry about it.
17:33Yeah, do you know, the last time we went out, he drank from his finger bowl.
17:37Yeah.
17:38I had to explain to him what it was all about.
17:40That explains it.
17:41Why?
17:41Why he dabbled his fingers in the clear soup.
17:46Well, I'm sorry about that.
17:49Oh, whoops.
17:50Here he comes.
17:51I'll hide the grapes.
17:55Hello.
17:56Hello.
17:57How do you do?
17:58Oh, George, you brought me something.
18:01Oh, yeah, me dirty washing.
18:05I thought, uh, where you could put it in when they do your sheets.
18:09Let me, please.
18:11Well, I hope the results are good.
18:12Oh, yeah, it'll be fine as long as you don't put in too much starch.
18:15Yes, well, I'll pop in and see you tomorrow.
18:17See you then.
18:18All right, love.
18:18Bye-bye.
18:19Bye-bye, dear.
18:19Thanks for calling.
18:21Well, now, George, we'd...
18:23George, put those grapes back.
18:25She's a mason's wife.
18:31Oh, hello, doctor.
18:35I'm still taking the tablets.
18:38Oh, yes.
18:38I'm fine, I'm fine.
18:40Doctor?
18:41Since when have you been doctored?
18:45It was a misunderstanding, Mildred.
18:47Let it go.
18:47Let it go.
18:48Oh, right.
18:49Now, George, how are you managing?
18:51All on your own?
18:52On me own?
18:53Oh, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I'm fine.
18:55Yes, yes, it's all right.
18:56Yeah, yeah.
18:57All right, right, now, tell me about these tests you've been having.
19:07Right, give me those.
19:09Why are we putting it up in here?
19:12Because I want to be sure I remember how it's done.
19:15I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of the neighbours.
19:18Oh, what's the matter?
19:20Is the roof leaking?
19:21My dad's trying to put the tent up.
19:24Oh.
19:25Oh, dear.
19:26Well, never mind.
19:27When he's finished playing at it, I'll do it.
19:31There.
19:33I'll tell you what.
19:34You could camp in here.
19:36It's not outdoors.
19:38Well, we could leave a window open or something.
19:42Will it stay up?
19:44It's fallen down three times.
19:46Twice.
19:48Oops.
19:51Now it's three times.
20:05George?
20:07George?
20:09Doctor's coming round.
20:10You'll have to go.
20:11Oh, yeah, right.
20:12Yeah, well, it's been nice catching up with all your news.
20:16Will you come again tomorrow?
20:18Oh, yeah.
20:18Oh, yeah, most likely.
20:19Oh, great.
20:21Right.
20:21Well, cheerio, Mildy.
20:22Best of luck.
20:23Oh, dear.
20:30Mrs. Roper, sir.
20:32Oh, yes, sir.
20:33Mrs. Roper.
20:35Well, you'll be glad to know that the tests show nothing wrong with your appendix.
20:39Oh.
20:40Mainly because you haven't got one.
20:44I haven't.
20:45No, you had it out when you were two years old.
20:47Oh.
20:48I thought that was me tonsils.
20:51Not unless you keep them down there.
20:54We've just got your records through from your previous GP.
20:57Yeah, but, I mean, I keep getting in this stabbing pain.
21:00I mean, here.
21:01Well, yesterday it was this side.
21:03Yeah, but it keeps moving around.
21:05Look, will you have to operate?
21:08I can't.
21:09Not for indigestion.
21:12Indigestion?
21:13Yes, if you don't believe me.
21:15Stay around for the hospital dinner.
21:16That'll convince you.
21:28Yeah, well, you can stay another night or two, I suppose.
21:31But you'll have to go when Mildew comes back.
21:32Oh, yeah.
21:33Yeah, yeah.
21:34Never mind.
21:35I'll go down to town hall tomorrow morning.
21:37With seven kids, they can't help but give us a council house.
21:41You haven't got seven kids.
21:43Patience.
21:43The night is young.
21:50That's an uncle-niece joke, George.
21:53Yeah, well, it's nice to see a family getting on to well.
21:57I fancy a bit of tart.
21:58You what?
22:00Triple tart.
22:01Oh, it's in the fridge, Jerry.
22:04You, er, you on his mother's side?
22:07Why?
22:08Was she dumb?
22:10Oh, yeah, it's good, that, isn't it?
22:13George!
22:22They let me out.
22:23I've only got a touch of...
22:25Oh, yeah.
22:26Oh.
22:27Oh.
22:27Mildred, this is my wife, Mildred, and this is, um, um...
22:31I'm his niece.
22:32Yeah, what, no, no, er, I wasn't expecting you back tonight.
22:35So I see.
22:37Well, it's not what you're thinking.
22:39I don't know what I'm thinking.
22:41Um.
22:45Well, I mean, it's, er, perfectly obvious, isn't it?
22:48I mean, you come back here and find me alone with a...
22:50What, it's not what you're thinking.
22:51Get her out of here.
22:52Come on, you'd better get her out.
22:53Give me a chance.
22:54I got me nighty and things upstairs.
22:57She slept here.
22:59She's Gerry's niece.
23:01Gerry?
23:01He's in the kitchen.
23:03Is he?
23:07Evening, Mrs. Hart.
23:09Shall I compare thee to a summer's...
23:11Out!
23:13You and your floozy!
23:15They've got nowhere to go, Mildred.
23:17Out!
23:19Right, all ready for the big adventure?
23:21Have you got everything?
23:24It's a sleeping bag.
23:26Compass.
23:28Benoctures.
23:29Torch.
23:30Gun.
23:31And a map of the back garden.
23:34Oh, and we mustn't forget Mr. Flumpty.
23:37I'm a bit old for him.
23:40Oh, yes.
23:41So you are.
23:43On the other hand, he might get lonely.
23:46Quite.
23:48OK, this is it, partner.
23:50Off you go.
23:53Ah.
23:55Well, when he starts banging on the back door at two o'clock in the morning, you're the
23:59one that's coming down to let him in.
24:00Oh, come on.
24:01Haven't you ever wanted to do anything wild and adventurous?
24:05Well, I did once consider voting liberal, but...
24:11How do you feel about an early night?
24:14Mmm.
24:15I can't sleep in the tent.
24:18Why not?
24:18Because there's some people in there.
24:20A fat man and his niece.
24:22stellar man...
24:30Apple Bijan.
24:31Bye!
24:31Bye!
24:42Bye!
24:43Bye!
24:45Bye!
24:46Bye!
24:48Bye!
24:50Bye!
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