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Tv, Only Fools And Horses S01E02 - Go West Young Man.
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:30Why do only fours and horses work?
00:33La la la la la la la la la la la la la la.
00:39Just touching the cone.
00:42And also, just touching the plane.
00:49And the two points where the spheres touch the plane...
00:55That is where our future lies, Rodney.
00:58Second-air motors.
00:59This time next year, we'll be millionaires.
01:02I dreamed I was drowning last night.
01:05The way I see it is this.
01:07The government, they're going to have to ban the import of foreign cars,
01:10don't they, to save our own car industry.
01:12But the unions, they won't stand for that,
01:14cos that smacks of racialism, so they'll all go out on strike.
01:17That'll mean you won't be able to buy a new car for all love nor money.
01:21No?
01:21No.
01:22Oh, that is it, Rodney.
01:24Britain's future lies fairly and squarely in the second-hand car game.
01:29What did you say just now?
01:31You dreamt that you were drowning?
01:33Is that a gentle way of trying to tell us that last night you wet the bed?
01:37No, it's not.
01:38I'm just depressed, that's all.
01:40And these cornflakes don't make me feel any better.
01:43Honestly, Rodney, you make my teeth itch.
01:45I've asked you before and I'll ask you again.
01:47Go and phone her.
01:49She knows I won't phone her first.
01:50How does she know that you won't phone her first?
01:52Did you tell her that you wouldn't phone her first?
01:55No.
01:56No?
01:56Well, go and phone her and tell her then.
01:57Well, that's stupid.
01:59No, it's not.
02:00He's no more stupid than the mood you're in.
02:03I don't...
02:04Why is it whenever you're getting your end away that the skies are blue, the lava's cool,
02:08and England are going to win the World Cup?
02:10Just because some little tart with fat thighs gives you the elbow, you're in a fit of depression.
02:15She has not given me the elbow.
02:17Monica and I were having difficulties getting it all together on a one-to-one basis.
02:21So my mate, Mickey Pierce, now he's lived with a woman.
02:24He advised us to have a two-week trial separation.
02:27A two-week trial separation?
02:29God, come on.
02:29You've only known her for two weeks.
02:31What is it then, Rodney?
02:32A fortnight on, a fortnight off?
02:34Like, say, do you?
02:35I am not going to phone her, Grandad.
02:38That's all there is to it.
02:39Plenty more chicks about.
02:40Yeah, all right then.
02:41Well, come on.
02:42I reckon your best bet is have a blind date with a Samaritan.
02:45I'll survive, Del.
02:48And Monica has not got fat thighs.
02:50She's got fat thighs!
02:52She has not!
02:53Look, I was down the Nag Zed Disco last night, and either she's got fat thighs,
02:57or she was bopping the night away in a pair of joppers.
02:59I thought Monica was out dancing.
03:02Yeah.
03:04He was your mate, Mickey Pierce, as it happens.
03:11Del!
03:16Oh, yes, this came in with a Chesterfield and a gross of electric toothbrushes
03:19as a park shop on a Vendon Plus.
03:21Still, uh, clean it up a bit, a couple of new tyres.
03:24Yeah, yeah.
03:25New engine, new body, and you've got a nice little motor.
03:27Yeah, it's 98,000 miles on the clock, that genuine.
03:31Shut up, Rodney.
03:33Be honest, Boisey.
03:35I mean, seriously.
03:37It's a bit of a pig.
03:40Well, what's it want for 50 quid?
03:42Ah, well, now you're talking.
03:43I'll take that.
03:46What do you want, check?
03:47Or shall I give it to you in the old reddies?
03:50You would have known, wouldn't you?
03:51I certainly.
03:52No, no, it's handsome, though, isn't it, eh?
03:54Yeah.
03:55You know what?
03:56It's only E-type Jaguars and Sebastian Co.
03:58to make me feel proud of me British these days.
04:00Yeah, I know what you mean, Boisey.
04:02Why haven't you got this up at the front?
04:04Oh, it's not for sale, though, my old mate.
04:07Matter of fact, I'm looking for a place to hide it for a week.
04:10I bought it as a birthday present.
04:11I'm dead scared the wife's going to see it and sass it all out.
04:15Spoil the surprise.
04:17Spoil everything, Rodney.
04:18It's a birthday present for my bit on the side.
04:22You what?
04:23His bit on the side.
04:26His bit...
04:27Oh, never mind, Boisey.
04:29So long since Rodney had a bit on the side, he didn't know they'd moved it.
04:32What are you waiting about?
04:34Mon Dieu!
04:35What?
04:36You want to hide this for a week, right?
04:37Right.
04:38Well, you've got an empty garage run on the estate.
04:40I can pop it in there for you, if you like.
04:42Be handy, doll.
04:44Save me a lot of aggro.
04:47Right.
04:47Well, I owe you one, doll.
04:49Oh, forget it, Boisey.
04:50I mean, if you can't do a pal a favour without expecting something in return...
04:53I mean...
04:55How much did you say you want it for that again?
04:57Oh, my God.
05:27What's the matter?
05:36Brakes a bit spongy, are they?
05:38What?
05:39What bloody brakes?
05:41I know I killed myself, Dale.
05:42It's a death trap.
05:44What do you expect for 25 quid?
05:57Your shock absorber's gone.
06:16Well, it has now.
06:18What's it like?
06:19What's what like?
06:20The car, you dingo.
06:22What do you think I'm talking about, your flaming coffee?
06:24The car?
06:25Oh, well, you know, it's a bit overpriced.
06:29It's a bit overpriced, yeah.
06:30That's what I was going to say.
06:32It says 23,000 on the clock.
06:34Is that genuine?
06:36The last time I looked, it was over...
06:3722,500.
06:39Quite right, Rodney.
06:40No, I had the RSC do a 500-mile road test on it.
06:43Well, you know, better safe than sorry.
06:45That's what I always say.
06:46It's beautiful, though, isn't it?
06:48Beautiful.
06:49What do you think?
06:50Sonnet Lumiere, wouldn't you say?
06:52Well, I don't know if I go quite that far.
06:54Oh, yeah.
06:55I mean, look at this, eh?
06:56Genuine leather upholstery, that.
06:58Where would you find genuine leather upholstery like that these days, eh?
07:02Here, do you know that the East African gazelle became an endangered species for this model?
07:07Sacrifice well made, I'd say, wouldn't you?
07:09No, it's an enthusiast model, this one.
07:11And I can see that you are, in fact, a genuine enthusiast.
07:14Don't give me that crap, mate.
07:16I can make up my own mind.
07:18And I don't need any help from no Cockney villain.
07:22Cockney villain?
07:23Cockney villain?
07:24Now, there's no need to be like that, sir.
07:26I mean, after all, the British and the Australians are cousins across the sea, isn't they?
07:30I mean, if your great-grandad hadn't have been a bloody villain, you could have been one of us.
07:33C'est la vie, Sam Ferriand.
07:38Allow me to point out some of the optional extras on this one, sir, for you, look at that.
07:41The anti-dazzle mirror in here.
07:45You'll notice that we've got the old, look at that, the one-speed wipe-off.
07:50And we've got...
07:52Oh, yeah.
07:55Perfect example of the sporting tourer.
07:57And, of course, it comes complete with a full two-weeks M.O.T. still left to run.
08:01How many owners?
08:03How many owners? I'm glad you asked me that, sir.
08:05Because it's only had the one owner from you, and that, of course, was a vicar.
08:09A vicar? Vicar?
08:11A vicar.
08:12Used to use it to drive backwards and forwards to church on a Sunday, that was all.
08:15And... Oh, look at that.
08:18I only left his Bible in the glove compartment.
08:20As I was walking through Earl's Court, into a pub I was lured, where a nosy pom said,
08:34Where are you from?
08:35As I downed the amber fluid.
08:38I said, Get it straight.
08:40I'm an Aussie mate, and I'm fixing to get plastered.
08:44But the beer is crook, and the birds all look like you, you pommy grandad.
08:50Cheers, dear boy.
08:52It's all right.
08:52Go out and buy yourself a crate of odor eaters.
08:56Yeah, I've heard they're good.
08:58Oh, they are, they are.
08:59Bloody murdered the swallow, though.
09:01Here, where's the Peckham's conscience?
09:04Oh, he's in his room pining about that little fat bird.
09:09Women.
09:09I mean, you wouldn't remember when I married your grandmother.
09:18No.
09:20The first night, we was in bed, and...
09:24Well, you know, Dill.
09:26What?
09:28Well, doing what you do when the lights are out.
09:34Oh, yeah.
09:35Old in a seance, was you?
09:38No.
09:39You know what I mean.
09:42Anyhow, right in the middle of it, do you know what she said to me?
09:48What?
09:49She said, What do you fancy for dinner tomorrow?
09:56What do you fancy for dinner tomorrow?
09:59Bad, isn't it?
10:01Bet that didn't happen to Omar Sharif.
10:04Anyway, what did you say?
10:06Steak and kidney pudding, I think.
10:09Is your love wonderful.
10:13Hiya, look out, the room is for.
10:15Hey, oh, where are you going?
10:16Fancy dress party?
10:17No, I'm going to do what Monica was doing last night.
10:19Ah, going dancing with Mickey Pierce, are you?
10:22Oh!
10:24I'm going out.
10:24I'm going to paint the town red, rip it up a bit.
10:26Oh, yeah, where are you going, Streatham?
10:28No, I'm not going to Streatham, Del.
10:30I'm going to meet a few clubs up west.
10:31What, you up west?
10:34Yeah.
10:34You'd need a bloody compass to find it, you would.
10:37I am often up west, Del.
10:38I'm one of the faces.
10:39One of the faces.
10:40Do me a favour, Rodney.
10:42Two halves of lager at the British Legion Club is like a walk on the wild side to you.
10:46Oi.
10:47Just leave me to live my own life, would you?
10:50And what do you mean, fancy dress?
10:52I just wonder why you were hitting the West End looking like a praying mantis.
10:58Just lay off me, Del.
11:01Is that the money from the Cortina?
11:02That death trap you sold to Skippy?
11:04Yes, look, there was nothing wrong with that motor.
11:07Nothing wrong.
11:07The oil light stayed on, the steering didn't always go the way you wanted it to, and the brakes didn't work.
11:12A few minor faults.
11:14Anyway, the oil light didn't stay on, I fixed it.
11:16You mean you actually went to the trouble of changing the oil?
11:18No, I took the bulb out.
11:20You are great, you are, Del.
11:22I mean, you've done some pretty doubtful things in your time,
11:25but I never thought you'd stoop to selling instant motorway madness.
11:28Oh, shut up, you tart.
11:30That money is immoral.
11:31That is your handful of silver, Del.
11:33That is nothing more than blood money.
11:35Oh.
11:36Oh, is it?
11:37Oh, yeah, all right then.
11:39Oi, Arthur, that's mine.
11:42Now, you see what I mean, don't you, eh, Grandad?
11:44That is the mentality of your spoon-fed student type.
11:47They walk around all day with Steve Bilko written on their T-shirt spouting about humanity.
11:52When it comes to a fight over a torn fiver, they make Gengis Khan look like a pacifist.
11:57Look, I was merely stating a fact that Arthur that is mine.
12:01I don't mean to say I want it.
12:02Oh, I see.
12:06Don't want this money then, Rodney, eh?
12:11No.
12:12Oh.
12:13What a bind.
12:14I'll have to spend it all myself then, won't I, eh?
12:16Oh, well, there you go.
12:16Still going out, are you, Rodney?
12:18Uh, yeah.
12:21Do you, uh, you fancy tagging along Del to show you some of my clubs?
12:25No, not really.
12:26Look, if you're hard up for a bit of company, I'll come on.
12:29No, you're hard up for company. You must be joking. I've got hundreds of friends.
12:32Oh.
12:33Oh, that's all right, isn't it?
12:34Good.
12:35Yeah.
12:36Yeah.
12:37There's a catch from an evening class for a start.
12:40Cats?
12:41Where are you going, Rodney? Dancing or ratting?
12:45Ratting, I like that.
12:46It means ravers, Grandad. Swingers.
12:49And these guys really live it up, Del.
12:51And when I say live, I mean live.
12:54Yeah.
12:55There's Dave and Bob.
12:59Mike and Tony.
13:04George.
13:05Jim.
13:05Jim.
13:06Yeah.
13:07Why don't you go and give them a bell?
13:09Who?
13:09You know, the beautiful people from the Evening Institute.
13:13They're not on the phone.
13:14What, you mean all these swingers? They ain't got a phone between them.
13:17Are they on the electric yet?
13:18All right.
13:18All right.
13:20Well, you come in with me then?
13:23No, no.
13:24I'll pop down an egg's head for a light hour later on.
13:26Oh.
13:27Well, you're lost, Del.
13:30I'll tell you all about it in the morning then.
13:32Assuming I'm back in the morning.
13:34You all right.
13:36Well, you coming or not then?
13:37No.
13:39Okay then.
13:40Well, here I go.
13:42Yeah.
13:43See you then.
13:44I'll give the birds your regards, shall I?
13:47Yeah, you do that.
13:48It's terrific.
13:49Great, yeah.
13:50All right.
13:52Well, we have take off.
14:01Well, make up your mind, Del.
14:02You coming or not?
14:03You bloody kids.
14:05They can't even enjoy themselves, do they?
14:07Can they?
14:07All right.
14:08Come on, soppy.
14:10Let's go and rip it up.
14:11Well, if you want to tag along, that's fine by me, Del.
14:14If you can pay for your own way.
14:15I pay for me?
14:17Don't worry.
14:17I got the money.
14:18I got the keys to the van and all.
14:20Grandad.
14:21Go easy on the iron jelloids tonight.
14:23We're not going up west in a three-wheel van, are we?
14:27I certainly ain't walking it, Rodgers.
14:29Yeah, but I mean, it's all about images, isn't it, Del?
14:31I mean, you're very suave and debonair.
14:34Yeah, I suppose I am a bit ostentatious, really.
14:37Yeah, I don't know.
14:38Yeah.
14:39Still, if I drive you down behind the dashboard,
14:42no-one will see us arrive.
14:43What do you mean, no-one will see us arrive?
14:44I want people to see me arrive tonight, eh?
14:46In a three-wheel van, still got no choice, have we?
14:49Yes, we have.
14:50Yes, we have.
14:50We can take Boyce's E-type Jaguar.
14:54The Jag?
14:55Are you sure, Del, what upon your shoulders be it, son?
14:57Let's go.
15:02Rodney?
15:16It's always dark as this in here,
15:18or they held in a dummy rum for a coal miners' convention.
15:22I don't know.
15:24What do you mean you don't know?
15:25I thought you said this was one of your regular clubs.
15:27Well, I might have exaggerated a bit when I said regular.
15:30How many times have you been here, then?
15:32Never.
15:34Never?
15:35What did you bring us in here for, then?
15:36It looked all right from the outside.
15:38It looked all right from the outside.
15:40That's what the Christian said about the Coliseum.
15:44You burk.
15:48Not much action for a nightclub, is it?
15:50No.
15:51Probably something to do with the fact that it's only half past seven.
15:55The last time I come out with you, Rodney.
15:57Is that a promise, you're moaning kit?
15:58Oi, what's he doing?
16:02Oi, uh, garçon, la petit pois.
16:06Oh, parlez-vous français.
16:08Y'avons.
16:09Yes.
16:11What can I get for you?
16:13Um, I'd like a Caribbean stallion.
16:15What we all do.
16:16What is it?
16:22What's it?
16:23What is it?
16:23It's an exotic cocktail, isn't it?
16:25Especially created for the discerning palate of the international jet set.
16:29Roger Moore drunk one in live and let die.
16:31I wouldn't put anything past her.
16:37Yeah, well, you'd better write this down, ain't you?
16:40What you want is, uh, you want a shot of tequila
16:42and a shot of coconut rum
16:44and one of creme de monthe.
16:46Then you want a smidgen, just a smidgen of Campari
16:49with, uh, the merest suggestion of Angostura's bitters, all right?
16:53You top that up with fresh grapefruit juice
16:55and you shake it.
16:57Do not stir, all right?
16:59Pour that slowly over broken ice.
17:01Garnish with a slice of orange, slice of lime,
17:04your occasional seasonal fruits.
17:06Top that off with a decorative plastic umbrella,
17:09two translucent straws and voila.
17:12Right.
17:13And for you?
17:14Oh, half a lager, please.
17:16Half a lager.
17:21A Reg Varnie drunk one of them
17:22in Holiday on the Buses.
17:23Is he a bit funny?
17:32What don't I?
17:34Yeah.
17:35He's definitely a bandit, that one.
17:38Tonight we dance with our backs to the wall, Rodney.
17:41I wonder what Monica's doing now.
17:45Well, why don't you phone Mickey Pierce?
17:47He might be able to throw some light on the subject.
17:49Now, don't talk to him no more.
17:51Hey, look, come on.
17:53I'm your brother, aren't I, eh?
17:54You can tell me.
17:56What broke you two up?
17:57What do you mean what broke us up?
17:58I found out he was dating Monica.
17:59No, not you and Mickey bloody Pierce.
18:02You and a fat girl.
18:03Oh.
18:04Well.
18:06She thought I was weird.
18:08Well, not so much weird, more...
18:11warped.
18:14Warped?
18:15Yeah.
18:16See, I've got this fantasy.
18:21Uniforms.
18:22They turn me on.
18:25Uniforms?
18:27I mean, like postmen and that.
18:31Women in uniforms.
18:34Nurses, air hostesses.
18:35And my favourite's, uh...
18:38Police women.
18:41Police women?
18:42Won't they nick you?
18:43What you're trying to tell me is that this Monica bird,
18:48she sort of like didn't go a bundle on this dressing up, my dear.
18:50Is that right?
18:51Well, I didn't tell her.
18:52I tried to do it without her knowing.
18:54How the hell do you dress someone up as Juliet Bravo without them twigging?
18:58I was going to do it gradual over a period of time.
19:01Like, last week was her birthday, right?
19:03So I bought her one of them blue serge suits that Paddy the Greek was selling, right?
19:07And I'd already got her the hat, you know, white with navy blue peak.
19:11And then for Valentine's Day, I was going to get some black stock.
19:13And some of them sensible walking brogues, right?
19:16Then for Christmas, it was going to be...
19:18You were going to get a whistle and a set of handcuffs.
19:22Blimey.
19:23You were lucky she gave you the elbow when she did.
19:25Those panda cars cost a bomb, you know.
19:30Monica's right about you.
19:32You know, you're a pervo, Rodney.
19:34That is immoral, you know that, don't you?
19:35Immoral?
19:36Today you sold a clapped-out Batmobile with no brakes.
19:39That's immoral, son.
19:40There's nothing wrong with that motor.
19:41It went, didn't it?
19:42Oh, it went, yeah.
19:43It just didn't stop.
19:44You are the chairman of a cigarette company joining the Festival of Light.
19:47You can die for my profit, but don't play with yourself in between.
19:54Ah, yeah, all right, all right, Rodney.
19:56Yeah, well, I don't mean the geezer no harm, do I?
19:59I'll pop round and see him tomorrow and pay to have his brakes repaired, has that?
20:02No, that's good.
20:03If you do that for me, I'll tell you what I'll do for you.
20:05You'll stop thinking about policewomen?
20:07No, I'll accept my 50% of the profits.
20:09Oh, my cup runneth over.
20:12Half a lager for sir, and a Caribbean stallion for mandingo.
20:21That'll be seven pounds.
20:22Seven quid?
20:24Blimey, I can get that for three quid where I come from.
20:27Oh, you're from Jersey, are you?
20:29Enjoy your stay.
20:30It's all about Jersey.
20:33Oh, uh, by the way, the barman said would you like some evaporated milk with that?
20:39Tell the barman to go and get stuffed.
20:41Thank you, sir.
20:45Oh, you, sir.
20:47Hey, Bill, what?
20:54No, not yet. It's only 20 to wait.
20:55If we pull them now, we've got to buy them drinks all night.
20:59We'll take them back to the flat.
21:01Hey, that's an idea.
21:02I've got 24 litres of that Yugoslavian reisling in the garage.
21:06We can pop old grandpa in a meter cupboard and have ourselves a little party.
21:09No!
21:10Yeah, go on, Del.
21:11You can charm a tortoise out of a shell.
21:13You can.
21:13Right.
21:15Okay.
21:16Now, you, look, learn, listen, all right?
21:21Okay, drink up. We're leaving.
21:40You are great, you are.
21:43You're the last miracle left of this earth.
21:45Shut up and drink up, will you?
21:47Yeah, yeah.
21:47And a couple of ravers.
21:49And a couple of geezers.
21:50LAUGHTER
21:51APPLAUSE
22:23I'm sorry.
22:37What?
22:38I said I'm sorry.
22:41Shut up.
22:42I didn't know it was that sort of place, did I?
22:45Right blinding night I've had.
22:48Become a member of a gay club, discovered me brother's a pervo,
22:51had a close encounter with two dockers in drag.
22:55You better not tell anybody about this, Rodney.
22:57I've got my macho reputation to up.
22:59I'm old.
23:01I'm warning you, one person, just one,
23:03calls me the naked civil servant and I'll kill you.
23:07Don't be silly, Del.
23:08I'm oddly going to go around bragging I saw my own brother
23:11trying to get a couple of transvestites.
23:13It was you clocked them, you, it was, you.
23:18Just shut up.
23:19Shut up, will you?
23:20Shut up.
23:37Corner table to your left, a couple of birds.
23:39Oh, don't start that again.
23:40A couple of birds, probably Injun bracket out having a pint.
23:44These are definitely feminine, Del.
23:47All the lumps in the right places this time.
23:50Yeah?
23:51Where?
23:53No, dummy, I hate you, Wally.
23:56I mean, where here?
24:02Yes.
24:03Definitely sued me.
24:04Right, come on, bellies in.
24:06Boy, let's just show yourselves this time, shall we?
24:08None of your embarrassing lies.
24:10And don't try and put me down.
24:11All right, all right, don't you sound 35.
24:14All right, all right, come on in.
24:15In the way.
24:20Sorry, look at that.
24:21Just dropped the key, silly, white Alpine E-type track.
24:24Eight-track stereo, you know, lever-look steering wheel.
24:26Not my car, it's his.
24:28Yeah, yeah, it's my car.
24:30Cheers, Del.
24:30That's all right.
24:31We just used it while they serviced my Ferrari.
24:33East 35.
24:37Sit down, will you?
24:38Sit down, Rodney, keep your brains warm.
24:40Go on, son.
24:40Do you mind?
24:41You don't mind if we join you girls, do you, eh?
24:43No, good.
24:44This is my brother, Rodney, and I am Del.
24:47That is short for Derek.
24:49Nice name, that, ain't it, Derek?
24:50Yeah, very nice.
24:51I'm Nicky, this is Michelle.
24:52Oh, Nicky and Michelle.
24:53Oh, Nicky and Michelle, they're nice names.
24:55Yeah.
24:58Not as nice as Derek, though, is it, that name?
25:00Oh, no, not a patch on Derek.
25:02Uh, do you come here often?
25:11I don't believe you.
25:12I don't believe you.
25:14Quite often.
25:15I haven't seen you here before.
25:16No, no, it's because we, uh, you know, we don't come to London very much.
25:19Oh, where do you come from, then?
25:20Peckham.
25:23Yeah, originally, originally from Peckham, but we spend most of our time abroad now, uh, for tax reasons, you know.
25:29Yeah.
25:30We're on the international professional tennis circuit.
25:33There, oh.
25:33Yeah, he's an international professional tennis player, and I'm his manager.
25:39No, you must have heard of Rodney.
25:41You heard of Rodney?
25:42The sporting press call him Op Rod.
25:45What's the surname?
25:46Trotter.
25:47Oh, no.
25:48I'm sorry.
25:49No, no, that's because we generally concentrate on the big American tournaments, you see.
25:54Do you ever play Wimbledon?
25:55No, no, we only do the big ones.
25:58We just come back from the Miami Open.
26:00Really?
26:01You're not very tan for Miami, are you?
26:03No, no, it was an indoor tournament.
26:06Yes, it's amazing, that, innit?
26:08Yeah.
26:08I mean, they call it the Miami Open, and then they go and hold it indoors.
26:13No, that's the Yanks for you, though, innit?
26:16Anyway, we, no.
26:18Well, we can't complain, like, because he won it.
26:21He did.
26:21He, uh, he beat that Jimmy Connolly in the final.
26:25Jimmy Connolly?
26:26What do you mean Jimmy Connolly?
26:28No, you're not that dilly-o-ah.
26:30In the first round, nine cents to one.
26:32Actually, we're only in London to get, uh, Roddy, and measured up for a new bat.
26:36He's a racket.
26:38Roddy, it's a price, eh, Charles, darling?
26:39Also, we thought it might be an idea to give him some practice on grass, you see, because
26:46over in the States, they use that stuff called astroturf.
26:50What do you prefer, Roddy?
26:53What do you prefer, astroturf or grass?
26:57Oh, I don't know.
26:58I never smoked astroturf.
26:59You, Wally.
27:12That's, uh, that we're not really, uh, professional tennis players.
27:17It's definitely a laugh.
27:18Yeah, it's definitely a laugh.
27:20What do you really do?
27:22We're Concord pilots.
27:23Light me up a cigar, will you, Rodders?
27:36We have struck gold there, old boy.
27:39It's the Klondike, my son.
27:40The Klondike!
27:42I mean, it's every bloke's dream, isn't it, eh?
27:44Meeting a couple of sorts with our own pad in Chelsea.
27:46I hope it's a penthouse, because I'm a penthouse sort of person.
27:51You know what I mean?
27:51Just balconies, rubber plants, all that game.
27:54Hey, if we see him next Friday, perhaps we can stay for the weekend.
27:57Yeah.
27:57Watch match of the day.
27:59Yeah, we won't have to spend much, will we?
28:03Won't have to spend much.
28:06Honestly, Rodney, when it comes down to the nitty-gritty,
28:08you are completely devoid of any je ne sais quoi, aren't you, eh?
28:13I mean, these aren't your two halves of Stingo,
28:16a packet of pork scratchings and Bob's your uncle type.
28:18No, no, no.
28:19Now, we'll take them to a Burnie Inn.
28:24Yes.
28:25I doubt your experience and wallet there, Del.
28:29Yeah, where's her phone number?
28:30Oh, she wrote it down on my cigar pack.
28:32Ace!
28:35What cigar pack's that, then, Del?
28:37The one I just gave you.
28:40Del?
28:41Yeah?
28:41Do you know that cigar pack?
28:44Yeah.
28:45I threw it out the window about a mile and a half back.
28:48Oh, well, that's all right.
28:53You what?
28:57You pranny!
28:59I just do not believe it.
29:15Now, look what you've done, Rodney.
29:16You smashed up boyzzy-type Jaguar.
29:18Yeah, you're driving it.
29:20Don't play bloody word games with me, Rodney.
29:29What is your game, pal?
29:30What is your game?
29:31Are you blind or something?
29:32I'm really sorry about that, mate.
29:34But the brakes on this thing are a bit dicky.
29:36I've been going to last all day long.
29:44Now, come here!
29:52We've got some off-priced crack ties,
29:54some miles and miles of carpet tiles,
29:56TVs, deep freeze, and David Bowie OPs,
29:59pool games, gold chains,
30:00wuss names, and Edda Push,
30:02and Trevor Francis tracksuits from a mush,
30:04and Shepard's Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush.
30:07No income tax, no VAT,
30:10no money back, no guarantee.
30:14Black or white, rich or broke,
30:17a wheel cut prices and a straw.
30:22God bless Hookie Street,
30:25Viva Hookie Street,
30:28Long live Hookie Street,
30:30St. Magnifique Hookie Street,
30:33Magnifique Hookie Street,
30:37Hookie Street,
30:40Hookie Street.
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27:57
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