- 2 days ago
Tv, Only Fools And Horses S05E05 - Video Nasty.
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00:00Stick a bunny in me pocket
00:06I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
00:10Cause if you are the best ones
00:13But you don't ask questions
00:15Then brother, I'm your man
00:18Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
00:22It's like the changing of the seasons
00:24And the tides of the sea
00:26But is the one who's driving me berserk
00:29Why do only fools and horses work
00:33La-la-la-la
00:35La-la-la-la-la
00:37La-la-la-la-la
00:39La-la-la-la-la
00:41What's the matter with you, Boycey?
00:43You don't seem your old self tonight.
00:45You ain't cheated once.
00:47No, sorry, Trigon.
00:49Just a bit down, that's all.
00:51I mean, you don't know what it's like
00:53to have a wife who can't have children.
00:56I've tried to console her.
00:58I've said, Marlene,
00:59God didn't mean you to have kids,
01:01so shut up about it.
01:04It doesn't seem to help.
01:05I'd like to be someone's dad.
01:08We're down for another going over
01:09at the bloody hospital next week.
01:12I mean, embarrassing ain't the word.
01:14I'm sure they do half those tests
01:15just for a giggle.
01:16I mean, she's the one with a problem.
01:19Why have I got to go?
01:21I never knew who my dad was.
01:23I heard your mum weren't that sure.
01:26You're out of order, mate.
01:27She knew who my dad was, roughly.
01:32Now, come off it, Trigger,
01:34I see your birth certificate at school.
01:36What did your mum put down under father's name?
01:40Long time ago, wasn't it?
01:41What did she put down under father's name?
01:47Some soldiers.
01:51Well, maybe that's where I'll get my military bearing from.
01:55Oh, yeah.
01:56Well, go on.
01:56Do a counterattack, then.
01:57Where's Del Boy tonight, then?
02:01Going to the zoo.
02:02He's got to...
02:03Don't ask.
02:04All right, then.
02:05Come off now, Mickey.
02:06Yeah, I'll see you later, Amanda.
02:08Here, dog.
02:09You took yourself a tinker, yeah?
02:10Oh, cheers, Nick.
02:12I'll give you a bell in the week.
02:14She seems like a nice girl, Mickey.
02:16Yeah, well...
02:17You know how it is, Mike.
02:18Every so often, a person fancies a bit of a...
02:21And she picked you.
02:23That's a joke, isn't it?
02:25I remember you said something funny a couple of years ago.
02:27All right, mate?
02:29All right, Bodden.
02:30What are you having?
02:31Oh, um, half a load every time.
02:32Here, Mike, make that a big pint.
02:35Oi, oi.
02:35What have you been up to, then?
02:37I'm working for Boisey, innit?
02:38Delivering and picking up.
02:39He's in a video game in a big way.
02:41Pirates, noughties, all that.
02:43And it's cash in hand, no questions.
02:45Sweet as a nut.
02:47Well, you been out on the knocker?
02:48Oh, I've just come back from your evening class, haven't I?
02:51Oi, you know, I told you we'd applied for an arts council, Grant.
02:54We got it.
02:56Forever?
02:56Yeah, straight up.
02:58Mr. Stephens, right, is the head of our art group.
03:00He got confirmation this morning.
03:02We have got £10,000 to make a local community bill.
03:06And we've got all the equipment, everything.
03:08And guess who's in charge of the project?
03:10You're putting me on?
03:11No, straight up.
03:12It's me.
03:13What I've got to do, you see, I've got to come up with the idea
03:15and then delegate the various responsibilities to all the other students.
03:18Yeah, well, put me in, won't you?
03:20I'm a member of your art class, innit?
03:21I've come up with, Mickey.
03:22He only came one night.
03:24That's only because I've told you we had a nude model.
03:26Yeah, well, I thought it would be a bird anyway.
03:32You've got to write it, Rodney.
03:34Yeah?
03:35Well, you're a natural when it comes to the written word.
03:37I'll never forget that thing you wrote some years back.
03:40What was it called?
03:40Oh, the indictment.
03:41Ah, see, the indictment.
03:43Yeah, that would have made a terrific book, you know?
03:45Yeah.
03:45Why didn't you send it to a publisher?
03:47Well, I'll be perfectly honest with you, Mickey.
03:49I could not think of a single publisher who could understand what I was saying.
03:53Yeah, it was a bit strange, weren't it?
03:55All right, Rodgers?
03:56Hey?
03:56Yeah.
03:57Hello, Del.
03:57What's your having?
03:58What am I having?
03:59A bleeding hard time with this little moaner here.
04:01I shouldn't be up in bales of hay or out at my time of life.
04:04You see, Abdul's cousin's girlfriend's brother's mate's mate, right, he's a gamekeeper down
04:10at one end private zoos.
04:12And Monkey Harris's sister's husband's first wife's stepfather, right, he works for an
04:16animal food company, so put the two together, what have you got?
04:18Nice little learner.
04:19I don't want to worry you, but I think you've got something nesting in there, old son.
04:24Up your shirt.
04:26Oi, Rodney.
04:27Hang on.
04:28I'll see you in a minute.
04:28What?
04:29While you've been poncing around at your soppy art class, I'm about to unload two
04:33tons of hay.
04:34Oh, poncing around.
04:35Is that what you're calling?
04:37Well, for your information, this evening, I was commissioned to make a film.
04:44Leave it out.
04:45Dave, I wouldn't leave you to make a jelly.
04:48I have heard rumours Mickey Mouse wears a Rodney Trotter wristwatch.
04:53It's true.
04:54I love it, boys.
04:55It's true.
04:56I'm telling you, I've got all the equipment and everything.
04:58I mean, I'm writing it and Mickey Pierce is directing.
05:02You what?
05:02Mickey Pierce directing?
05:04He couldn't direct the seagull to the coast, then?
05:06He has got experience in films.
05:08What, that Saturday morning job and a photographic counter at Boots?
05:11Oh, leave it out, Rodney.
05:13Anyway, you couldn't write a film script.
05:15I mean, what was that book that you wrote?
05:16What was it called?
05:17The Indictment.
05:18I mean, that never got published, did it, eh?
05:20No, because you chucked it down a bloody shoe.
05:22Yes, that's right, because I didn't want to see you disappointed.
05:25I mean, it was a bloody stupid story, it was.
05:27No murders in it or nothing, no, no.
05:29It was an indictment of a failing system, wasn't it?
05:33Well, right, it was a first effort,
05:34so I probably didn't have the same social impact as, say,
05:37Cathy come home.
05:38It didn't have the same social impact as Lassie come home.
05:42Yeah, that's still new, matey, Rodney.
05:43Anyone in it, we know.
05:45Yeah, I'll tell you what.
05:46All them birds are in it for a start.
05:49That's a strewd move on your part, Rodney.
05:51You're the writer, Mickey's the director,
05:54so he gets the casting couch and you get the byro.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59Where are you up there?
06:20Here you are, Oscar.
06:22Here you are, quick.
06:22Come on down, come on down.
06:23Got a present for you.
06:25There you are.
06:25What is it?
06:26Go on, then.
06:27Close your eyes.
06:28Oh, come on down, what is it?
06:30Oh, come on, close your eyes.
06:32I bet Tom Stoppard don't have to put up with all this.
06:35Right, go on, then.
06:37Open them.
06:39There you are.
06:39Well?
06:39Um, well, yeah, it's a typewriter, isn't it?
06:45You see that, Albert?
06:46He recognised it straight away.
06:49That's the author in him.
06:50Yeah, well, come on, Rodney.
06:52Come on, let's get going, boy.
06:53You'll soon have that old screenplay knocked out now, won't you?
06:56My son.
06:57Go on.
06:58There.
06:58It's old, innit?
07:00The main stuff to last in them days.
07:02That is quality, Rodney.
07:05Look at that crisp, by a royal appointment.
07:08Oh, yeah.
07:09Victoria Regina.
07:12Well, go on.
07:13What?
07:14Yeah, you know, try.
07:20Very faint, dear, aren't it?
07:22Yeah, I know that.
07:22You've got to hit it harder than that, Rodney.
07:23Go on, have another go.
07:27It's still faint.
07:29Yeah, well, you've got to give it a good whack, haven't you?
07:30Come here, look, I'll tell you, look.
07:33There you are.
07:34There you are.
07:34Look there, that's better, innit, look?
07:35Yeah, that's great.
07:37Thanks a lot.
07:37Right, that's all right.
07:39Away you go, then.
07:40Away I go what?
07:41Well, you know, you know, start the whole typing.
07:43Yeah, be creative.
07:44Be creative.
07:45I can't just be creative at the drop of an air, can I?
07:49There are some things a writer needs before he can actually start writing.
07:53Like a story.
07:55You haven't even got a story?
07:57Not exactly.
07:58I've only been trying for a couple of days, haven't I?
08:00Listen, I've got an idea for a story, and it's a bloody good one.
08:03I know.
08:04Do you want to hear it?
08:04No, not really, Del.
08:06That's charming, innit?
08:07You buy him a brand new typewriter and come up with a story for him, and what thanks you get?
08:12I'll tell you what thanks I get, Albert.
08:15No sodding thanks.
08:16That's a thanks I get.
08:17All right, tell me your story, then.
08:19No, no, don't bother yourself, Rodney, please.
08:21I was only trying to help you, mate.
08:23Oh, now, come on.
08:23Honestly, Del.
08:24Seriously, I'd like to hear your story.
08:27Well, I'll need a bit of help, don't I?
08:28All right.
08:33Okay.
08:35Now, this is a Jaws-type story.
08:37Jaws?
08:38Jaws has been done, though.
08:39Yeah, no, no, no, it hasn't been done, but this is different.
08:41It's called, There is a Rhino Loose in the City.
08:43There is a Rhino, as in rhinoceros.
08:55That's right.
08:56There is a Rhino loose in the city.
08:59What's it about, Bill?
09:00Well, it's about, you see, this rhinoceros, right, escapes from the zoo and it heads straight
09:08for London, right?
09:10And after two or three days, they find all these, like, dead bodies lying about and no
09:13one knows who's done it, right?
09:14So they get a hold of this private detective, you know, sort of like a Charlton Heston-type
09:19geezer, to try and solve the crime.
09:21Now, the zookeeper happens to be, you know, a very attractive woman.
09:25So, before you know where you are, old Charlton is given the salt, what for?
09:29So, that's your romantic interest.
09:32Rhinoceros.
09:33But they don't know it's missing.
09:37How can you not know?
09:40Bill, if you've got a rhinoceros, right, and one day it ain't there, you tend to know
09:43it's missing.
09:45Don't be a plonker all your life, Rodney.
09:48Maybe she ain't got one rhinoceros, she's probably, like, got, you know, two or three rhinoceros,
09:52this is.
09:52But how's an escape?
09:53Oh, I squeeze it through the bars, my problem.
09:56Don't you start getting saucy with me, Rodney.
09:58I'm only trying to help you.
09:59I can't believe nobody knows it's escaped.
10:02What about the eight million people living in London?
10:05Don't none of them spot it?
10:06Yeah.
10:07Yeah, but the ones who spot it, they're the ones who gets trampled to death.
10:10What about all the others?
10:12The people in offices, the people in calves, the people sitting on tops of buses.
10:17It's a rhino, Dale.
10:19He only comes out at night.
10:24What is it, a vampire rhino?
10:27No, it's not a vampire rhino.
10:28That's stupid, that, isn't it, eh?
10:30Where's he lived during the day?
10:33In a lock-up garage in a back street.
10:36Well, he's leasing it, is he?
10:39Not leasing it, it's a disused garage in a back street where no one ever goes.
10:44But the detective does find it, only it's at night.
10:47And the rhino's gone up?
10:49That's right.
10:50See, so the old detective is nowhere near solving the mystery.
10:53You see what it is, Rodney?
10:54Not only is it a love story, it's a new dunnick.
10:57A new dunnick?
10:58What do you mean, new dunnick?
11:00We know you've done it.
11:01The rhino, don't we?
11:03So, I know that we, we, the audience, right?
11:05We know that.
11:06But they don't know the actors, do they?
11:08Well, this is something.
11:09A rhinoceros has escaped from the zoo.
11:12There are 300 dead bodies covered in rhinoceros footprints.
11:15There's a knock-up garage two and a half foot deep in rhinoceros crap.
11:20And John Liston suspects that that one.
11:28Well, I do admit they're one or two teething snags.
11:32But it's got all the essential qualities of a hit, hasn't it, eh?
11:35I mean, it's got suspense, lots of killings and a bit of Humpty Dumpty.
11:39I mean, look, this is a disaster movie.
11:41Disaster?
11:42It's a calamity movie.
11:43Why is he killing people?
11:45Well, what do you want it to be, a social worker?
11:49Well, he's a man-eater, isn't he?
11:51No.
11:53No.
11:53Rhinoceruses aren't carnivorous.
11:55They're vegetarian.
11:57All right, all right.
11:58So, we elbow the lock-up garage and we make him hide in the back of a health food shop.
12:04And he wouldn't head for the city, neither.
12:07But he's got to head for the city so he can kill lots of people.
12:09Yeah, that's right.
12:10No.
12:11His natural habitat would be the open country.
12:17All right.
12:17So, what are you suggesting?
12:19We called a film, there's a rhino loo somewhere out in the sticks where no sod lives.
12:25You don't call the likes of Charlton Esten in because something's eating the carrots.
12:29No.
12:29I think it's a good idea.
12:31Thank you very much, Albert.
12:32Yes, well, I'll pass.
12:34All right.
12:35All right, then.
12:35Just wanted to put an idea in your head, that was all.
12:39Wished it had been a bleeding bullet now.
12:42Well, I've only got a small budget, haven't I?
12:44I know.
12:44That's the beauty of it, Rodney.
12:46I know where there's a rhinoceros going cheap.
12:48Yeah, all right, Chas.
12:52Yeah, I'll knock out that stuff for you tomorrow night.
12:54Yeah.
12:54Eh?
12:55Um, not sure whether we'll be wanting a rhino now.
12:59We won't.
13:00All right.
13:00Listen, I'll give you a bell tomorrow night, Chas.
13:02All right.
13:02Turn on me.
13:02Hey, Tony, come on.
13:08Where's that grub?
13:09We've been waiting here half an hour.
13:10There's something I want to catch on the telly.
13:13The epilogue.
13:13Yeah.
13:14Yeah, it's how's Christmas.
13:16Wait, Arthur.
13:17Look, I told you that we want two chicken and rice and one Spanish omelet.
13:21Two chicken and rice, one Spanish omelet.
13:23Omelet.
13:24God, he would speak the lingo, can he?
13:26What's the matter with?
13:27Well, how do you know my story, then?
13:29Well, I've got a kernel of an idea.
13:31You know, I'm just waiting for it to develop somewhat.
13:34It's what writers call a gestation period.
13:36And what do you call it?
13:37Yeah, stop it.
13:38Stop whiting him up, you.
13:40And where's your director, then, Rodney?
13:42Yeah, he's equating himself with the video camera and all the equipment.
13:45Yeah, he's down a town hall filming a wedding.
13:50What do you mean he's down a town hall filming a wedding?
13:52Well, well, no.
13:53You see, what happened was, I went down a town hall and then round the churches, you know,
13:57taking notes of the bands, then I contacted the brides and asked them if they would like
14:01their happiest day recorded on film for 50 quid a fro.
14:04I don't believe you're doing this to me.
14:07Well, look, Rodney, that Mickey Pierce, he's got to practice with that camera, hasn't he?
14:10You know, he's got to work out how to focus it and all that.
14:13You know, it's, why not earn while you learn?
14:16That's what I say.
14:16Anyway, Boise, he nicks all them tapes from Boise, doesn't he, eh?
14:19Well, Dale, this is an opportunity for me and all you're doing is making money out of it.
14:23Look, it'll be all right because he's only got five or six weddings to do.
14:28Two or three christenings and he's finished.
14:31That camera is council property.
14:33Yeah, so's the town hall.
14:35Yeah, see, there you go.
14:36You're just abusing the trash showing me, aren't you?
14:38Well, you shut up, you tarts.
14:41Look, here, here is your share.
14:43I do not want it.
14:44Oh, well, please yourself.
14:47Goes back in the bit.
14:48All right, just this one, Steve.
14:49Wow, don't do me no favours, Rodney, will you, eh?
14:52You've not got to know.
14:53Who?
14:53I'll shut you up for a good one.
14:54How in it, Boise?
14:55I keep telling you, Marlene, then, doctors don't know everything.
14:58They're just a bunch of chancers, that's all.
15:00Oh, good afternoon.
15:01I phoned an order through earlier, Mr. Boise.
15:04Oh, yes, I will see.
15:06All them bloody tests are out.
15:07And what about all the bloody tests?
15:09Oh, good afternoon, Derek.
15:11I didn't realise you and your family were dining out.
15:14Oh, yes, I like to treat them once in a while.
15:16Keeps the morale up, doesn't it?
15:17Hello, darling.
15:18How are you?
15:19Hey, is my little godson in there yet?
15:21No, he ain't.
15:22And he ain't likely to be with him around.
15:24Oh, Marlene.
15:25Oh, he ain't bloody nothing.
15:27All these years, you've said it was my fault we couldn't have kids.
15:30They've just discovered there's nothing wrong with me.
15:33It's him.
15:35Ain't it bleeding fair, eh?
15:37Hey, what's the matter, then, Boise?
15:38You ain't a nuffter, are you?
15:41See what you've started now, Marlene?
15:43Even the doctors ain't allowed to discuss this outside the confines of the laboratory,
15:46and you're holding a public debate in a Chinese takeaway.
15:50He's got what doctors call a low count.
15:54Don't want to buy a calculator, do you, boy?
15:56What's it mean?
15:59Nothing.
16:00It means he's been firing more blanks than the territorials.
16:04Are you happy now, Marlene?
16:09Mr. Boise, go on, boss.
16:12Yes, sir.
16:14Yes, thank you very much.
16:18It's our anniversary next Friday.
16:20Oh, yeah?
16:2020 years.
16:22God, that's something to celebrate, innit?
16:24Anyway, we've hired the pub and you're all invited.
16:27Oh, lovely.
16:27We'll be there, sweetheart.
16:28Yes, well, come along then, Marlene.
16:31Oh, all right.
16:32Oh, Bodney, is that right, you're making a film?
16:36Yeah.
16:37You know, I used to act a bit when I was younger.
16:40Actually, someone once said that I had a promising career in films.
16:44Yeah, then talkies come along and ruined it.
16:47Let's go, Marlene.
16:49It's all right, Marlene.
16:50Bye-bye, Boise.
16:55Oh, ho, ho, ho.
16:57Here, what about that then?
16:59Oh, Boise, being a jaffer.
17:00A jaffer?
17:02Yeah, you know, seedless.
17:08I could use Boise's problem as a thing for my film, couldn't I?
17:12No, because that hospital they attend, right, that's one of the leading centres for genetic research, artificial insemination and all that.
17:18That's quite interesting.
17:19Oh, yeah, on the edge of your seat stuff there, innit, eh?
17:22Hey, you thought any more about a rhino story?
17:24Bill, I'm not doing a film about a blood-sucking rhino and a divvy detective.
17:29No, that hospital interests me, though.
17:31I don't reckon they should be allowed to do it, freezing things and all that.
17:35They're messing around with nature.
17:37No, they're not messing around with nature, are they?
17:39They're assisting nature.
17:41See, because they only freeze the ova or eggs, right, until they are ready to be fertilised, right?
17:46And then they get the egg and, well, they sort of, they mix it.
17:52Well, there's this geese of...
17:52Oh, I've ordered a dormant here.
17:54Oh, yeah.
17:55Here, do you know why I reckon in a few years' time, young married couple wanting to start a family,
18:00they won't go to the doctors, nip down the road to B-jams.
18:17Everything all right, Rodney?
18:18No.
18:19The T and the A are missing.
18:21Oh, well, it's no problem, is it?
18:23Well, it is, if I want to write words like act.
18:26Yeah, well, you'll find a way round it.
18:28I've got faith in you, I really have.
18:29Anyway, how are you going on?
18:31Can I have a read or something?
18:31No, you can't.
18:32It ain't finished yet.
18:33Oh, all right.
18:34Hey, what's this?
18:34Just a minute.
18:35What's this red mark up here on the top?
18:37Is that something technical, is it?
18:39No, one of my fingers started bleeding.
18:41Oh, never mind, never mind.
18:42You'll be all right.
18:43Hey, I'll tell you what, your movie and I've caused a stir around here.
18:46Yeah, you'll be surprised how many actors and actresses live locally.
18:50I don't mean you're not like professionals,
18:51but just a lot of new, fresh, untapped talent.
18:54There, look, I made a list for you.
18:55There you are.
19:00I'm not suggesting I use all these people in my film.
19:04Just extras, Rodney, just extras.
19:06Never mind the quantity, think about the quality.
19:08I'm thinking about the money deal.
19:10Well, I did say a tenner a day.
19:12I can't afford to pay them a tenner a day.
19:14No, they pay us a tenner a day.
19:16You're just exploiting people again, isn't it, Chuck?
19:18No, I am not, Rodney.
19:20Look, look, I've given them your word now.
19:22Well, you had no right to.
19:24All right, here is your share.
19:26All right, there you go, look.
19:27And they're just extras.
19:31Just extras, that's all.
19:33Oh, by the way, there's a list here of local businesses you might like to mention.
19:38All right?
19:39Good boy.
19:43The Seventh Heaven Sauna Parlour.
19:46Yeah, we just mentioned something like the relaxing atmosphere, nice and friendly service.
19:50You know what I mean?
19:50Oh, is The Undertaker's down there?
19:52No.
19:54Oh, well, bear it in mind, will you?
19:56Bill, why are you doing this to me?
19:58I had high hopes when I started this project.
20:01Mr. Stephen said if it was good enough, he chatted a National Film Theatre.
20:05What's the matter with you?
20:06You're earning, ain't you?
20:08Look, you...
20:09Blimey, listen, I've got a shoot.
20:10I've got another client to meet.
20:11Might mean another booking.
20:13Yeah, talking about that.
20:15Um, what is a natural birth?
20:18Never mind, I'll find out myself.
20:20Don't worry about it.
20:21Hey, oi, Albert!
20:22Do you want a lift?
20:23Yeah, I'll be with you in a minute, son.
20:25Well, come on.
20:25Come on, shift yourself.
20:27I ain't got all night, you know.
20:28Tudor, I'll see you later.
20:31Smile, you're on candy camera.
20:33Listen, I might have another booking for you later on.
20:35I'll give you a bell.
20:35All right.
20:37All right, Rodney?
20:38No, it is not all right.
20:39This is getting out of hand.
20:40Look.
20:42What is it?
20:42A petition?
20:43No, that's our cast list.
20:45And here's a list of all the shops and businesses we've got to advertise.
20:50He forgot The Undertaker's.
20:51You mean you knew about it?
20:53Well, it's good business, Rodney.
20:55Right, I'm all fat now, Rodney.
20:58Yeah.
20:58I'll get it.
20:59Yeah, good.
20:59Look, it's got to stop, Mickey.
21:01We're just promoting shops and businesses, ain't we?
21:03We've got more extras than Ben Hur here.
21:05Watch it, babe!
21:06This is Amanda.
21:12It's a what?
21:13Amanda.
21:14Look, I'm taking her out for a drink tonight, so I asked her around here so that you could
21:18make her a nice cup of coffee.
21:19All right, Rodney?
21:20Oh.
21:21Yeah.
21:22Yeah, okay.
21:22Do you think sugar?
21:33Two, please.
21:34All right.
21:38Mickey, could I have a moment of your turn, please?
21:41What's up?
21:41Why is she wearing a nurse's uniform?
21:45She's just come off duty.
21:46Oh, yeah.
21:47You must think I've just come off a banana boat.
21:48What are you playing at?
21:50Look, I've been delivering these films for Boise, you know, so I know we're up and sell them.
21:54We've got all the equipment.
21:55Why waste it?
21:57We can cut the middle man out.
21:58I'd like to cut your liver out.
22:00You are not making any films in this flat.
22:03Do you understand?
22:04Both of you.
22:05All right, Rodney.
22:06I need to get out of your prime about it.
22:08All right.
22:09You, sit down.
22:10I'll make you a cup of coffee, then you can both hit the road.
22:16What is happening?
22:17What the bloody hell is happening?
22:19I've got a cast of thousands.
22:21I've got more advertising than Pearl and Dean.
22:24And now Becky wants to make Emmanuel in Peckham.
22:26Oh, this is a bloody nightmare.
22:30Now, Rodney.
22:31Rodney, calm down.
22:33Calm down.
22:35Deep breaths.
22:37Nice and easy, does it?
22:38Take one.
22:41Night nurse, take one.
22:44Baby, let it slip to the ground.
22:47Mickey, you better not be doing...
22:50Oh, no, Mickey.
22:51No, get the pump back.
22:54Oh, bloody hell.
22:56Hold him up.
23:00That's it.
23:01Move him about a bit.
23:04Oh, come on.
23:05Hurry up, Mickey.
23:06Love, you don't like smiling for too long.
23:09Okay, everybody.
23:11That's a wrap.
23:12Oh, you're lovely.
23:12I was so ready for that one.
23:13Oh, dear, sir.
23:14Happy anniversary, dear.
23:16I could always miss my birthday.
23:17Hey, Vic, I'm ready.
23:18Get a move on.
23:19We've got that christening to do in 20 minutes.
23:21Yes, I'll be with you in just a moment, Mickey.
23:23You'll be all right.
23:24I'll wait for you down the church, sir.
23:25All right, Rodney?
23:26Shut up.
23:27Oh, please, sir.
23:29Here we go, Rodney.
23:30My son, there is your shirt.
23:32All right.
23:33I don't like this, Del.
23:34You know I don't like this.
23:35I know, I know.
23:36Oh, tell off.
23:37Here, Del, we're slipping out of the back room.
23:38Oh, right.
23:39Good night.
23:40Hello, Rodney.
23:41All right, Mike?
23:42Of all the bars and all the world, you had to walk into mine.
23:45You were in my film as well, ma'am?
23:47Oh, yeah?
23:47Yeah, it's just a little cameo roll, son.
23:49We'll see you in a minute.
23:49Come on, Del.
23:50Come on, come on.
23:51Come on, come on.
23:51Come on, come on.
23:52Come on, boy.
23:52Come on in, Albert.
23:53Yeah.
23:54Oh, go on in, Albert.
23:54Have you got it?
23:55It all seems to be going rather well.
23:57Oh, yeah.
23:58It's really nice, isn't it, Victor?
23:59I married the happy couple all those years ago.
24:03Of course, I had hoped by now that the good Lord would have blessed their union with an offspring
24:07or two, but if it's not to be...
24:10Well, I'd heard that because of the precarious state of the world, Boise and Marlene had decided
24:15against starting a family.
24:17Oh, really?
24:19I heard that Boise was a Jaffa.
24:24Tell me, is it true that you are making a film, Rodney?
24:28Oh, yeah, we got an Arts Council grant, yeah.
24:30Well, I was talking with Derek.
24:32Yeah, I'll give you a bell when we start showing you the film.
24:35Thank you, my boy.
24:36All right, then, yes.
24:38Have you got a drink?
24:38Get out of here, all right?
24:40Even the vicar's in on it now.
24:41What do you want to drink?
24:42Oh, get some beer.
24:43Yeah, come on, everyone.
24:44What's your day?
24:45All right, Trent?
24:46You're dirty, right?
24:47Oh, this is getting bloody stinky.
24:50All right, gentlemen, would you like to settle down?
24:53Yes, go on and settle down.
24:54Get down here.
24:54Come on, here we go.
24:55Oi, I'm in the front.
24:56I'm carrying a salsa in a rush.
24:58Right now, the Boise Video and Leisure Arts Company is proud to present the British premiere
25:04of Night Nerds from the novel by Enid Blyton.
25:12I read it, I read it, I read it.
25:14Oh, here we go.
25:16Oh, that's a bit unexpected, isn't it?
25:19Hey, look at that one.
25:20I've got no soap to be for her, look.
25:22Oh, no, no, no, Dale, that's got to be special effects.
25:25No, no, it's real.
25:26Oh, no, shut up.
25:28That's starting properly now, hang about.
25:30Where do they get these grotty flats to fill me like?
25:35Here.
25:37I've seen that bird before somewhere, eh?
25:39Not my rear.
25:41No, go on.
25:42Go on, girl, let's have a look.
25:44Oh, boy, I've just got up.
25:45Oh, dear, I'm tired.
25:47I've just come back from nursing.
25:48Oh, dear, dear.
25:50Oh, dear, dear.
25:51Oh, dear, dear, oh, dear.
25:55Oh, dear, dear, one of those will do me a week.
26:00I know, she's got her earmuffs off now, look.
26:03Hello.
26:04Oh, dear.
26:13Rodney!
26:16It was nothing to do with me, Dale.
26:17It was a Mickey Pierce production.
26:19Mickey Pierce, you wait until I get hold of him,
26:21I'm going to stuff that camera half a mile up his nostril.
26:24Oh, dear, didn't you have any idea
26:26what you were getting yourself into?
26:27Well, I thought Boycey wouldn't be too pleased, you know,
26:29somebody muscling in on his business and that.
26:31God, shoot, Boycey.
26:33Boycey's not the one that's worrying me.
26:35It's his partners that are giving me grief.
26:37Do you know he's backing him behind this?
26:38Only the Driscoll brothers, that's all.
26:40Have you heard of them?
26:42No.
26:43No?
26:43Well, let's hope they haven't heard of you.
26:45Now, I'm going to see if I can save your knees
26:47and make sure they stay in the same place.
26:49I'm going to stuff this lot down Akazi.
26:51You stay there.
26:52Oh, look, Dale, I promise,
26:52it's nothing like this will ever happen again, I promise.
26:57Hello, Rodney.
26:58All right, for a cup of coffee?
27:00Oh, yes.
27:01Do come in, Mickey.
27:03I brought a few friends with me.
27:04Oh, yeah.
27:05Oh, hello.
27:06Percy, I want to let you know.
27:07Oh, God, get out of here.
27:09Come, you wait.
27:11Oi, Percy, you're coming up.
27:13Oh, hello.
27:18Hello?
27:19Oh, Mr Stevens, hi.
27:23Yeah?
27:24Yeah, and have you had a chance to read it?
27:27Great.
27:28Well, what do you think?
27:29Oh, and please, be truthfully blunt with me, okay?
27:34Yeah.
27:35Yeah, well, that's truthfully blunt, isn't it, Mr Stevens?
27:42Yeah.
27:44Yes, there are a lot of characters in it, yes,
27:46but all vital to the theme, I thought.
27:49Yeah, well, I actually wanted to write a film
27:52that not only dealt with the contemporary issues,
27:54but also challenged some of the more widely held beliefs
27:57of modern youth.
27:58No, that's no problem,
28:01because my brother knows where he can get us a rhino.
28:04Yeah!
28:04Yeah!
28:04The acting, the acting, the acting...
28:14No income tax, no VAT,
28:28No money back, no guarantee.
28:31Black or white, rich or broke, we'll cut prices at a stroke.
28:40God bless Hookie Street, Viva Hookie Street, Long live Hookie Street.
28:49St. Magnifique Hookie Street, Magnifique Hookie Street.
28:56Hookie Street.
Recommended
28:41
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