00:09Hi, it's Barbie Ferreira, and I'm going to attempt once more to learn how to behave.
00:18Girls have long been taught that sex is dirty, shameful, and above all, private.
00:24Not something nice girls talk about.
00:27But is a reluctance to talk about sex harmful?
00:30If you can't talk about sex, how do you navigate a world of constantly changing sexual etiquette?
00:35How do you get what you want and be a good partner at the same time?
00:40Sex was definitely something that I was scared of for a lot of reasons.
00:44My body, you know, just how a man would see that, and I just like physically felt like I can't
00:51do this.
00:52So I'm taking a road trip to the far, far away land of Westchester to consult a professional.
00:57Her name is Bat Sheva Marcus, and she's a women's sexual health expert.
01:01Bat Sheva is an Orthodox Jewish woman, mother of three, and an unlikely hero in the field of women's sexual
01:08health and empowerment.
01:10Women come to her if they either have painful sex, anxiety during sex, or if they just want to have
01:14better sex.
01:18Hi!
01:19Hi! It's nice to meet you.
01:23So what is like your most common problem that people come in with?
01:26We have a lot of pain, we have a lot of low desire.
01:28I would say those are probably the two biggest buckets.
01:30And then arousal problems, orgasm problems, I think I'm crazy problems, like all of those.
01:34All of it together.
01:35All of those, right.
01:36So do you think that the internet is good for sexual education, or is it bad?
01:40I think it may be great in terms of allowing people to sort of explore different options.
01:45Look, porn comes in a whole variety.
01:47Like, you can click a button and you can see anything you want.
01:49You can see, you know, 20 Martians, you know, molesting a woman and three teddy bears.
01:53No, really, seriously, you can...
01:55Oh, I know.
01:57How's your sex life?
01:58It's okay.
01:59I have sex with the same person over and over again, but we're not in a relationship.
02:03Well, that doesn't sound like a rousing endorsement.
02:05Yeah, but that's the thing, I'm not really that sexually attracted to him.
02:07Oh my god, I'm sorry.
02:08He's not experimental.
02:09I just like guys who are not grossed out by sex in any way, anything.
02:12And this guy kind of is.
02:13Well, yeah, like, you know, he doesn't really on anyone.
02:18Do you fantasize while you're having sex with him?
02:20If you can't have, you know, Derek Jeter there, then you can think about Derek Jeter.
02:26What you like, what you don't like, what you want to try, what you're not comfortable trying.
02:31If you can't talk about them, the sex isn't going to be good.
02:33Talk about birth control, talk about where you're comfortable having sex, how you're comfortable having sex.
02:37And try not to be critical, but try to be honest.
02:39Like, if I don't fake an orgasm, he'll be devastated.
02:41You know what?
02:42He'll live through it.
02:44Now this is like the vibrator section.
02:47If a woman's having trouble having an orgasm, that's usually a really good way to start.
02:50Like these few little battery-operated ones.
02:52Great for playing with, but not if you're having trouble having an orgasm.
02:56What you really need is like a bigger one.
02:58You know, the ones that look like the blender.
02:59It starts pretty strong, right?
03:01But then it gets more and more.
03:02And then here, like the plane is just taken off there.
03:05Damn.
03:05I know.
03:06This will give anybody an orgasm.
03:07Yeah, pretty much.
03:15Hi, baby.
03:16Hi, mommy.
03:17I don't remember very well, but like when did you first give me like any kind of sex talk?
03:21Oh, I don't remember.
03:24Me neither.
03:25You don't even want to talk about beauty.
03:27You're right.
03:28I was like very, very ashamed of all things body related.
03:32Yeah, you are.
03:34Talking about sex helps everything.
03:36It helps you have better sex.
03:37It helps you have safe sex.
03:39It helps you understand your partner more.
03:40It helps you understand yourself more.
03:42So I'm going to meet up with Selma from Strip Expertise.
03:47She's going to teach me how to dirty talk.
03:50Hey, my name is Selma.
03:51I work for Strip Expertise and I teach the How to Talk Dirty class.
03:56So what do you consider dirty talk?
03:58We actually have like three different levels.
04:00Naughty, dirty, nasty.
04:02You can say something as crazy as, you know, I can't wait to have your big thick dick fuck
04:08my pink pussy so hard.
04:10Or you can just say, I want you to lick my tasty muffin, you know.
04:14Ooh, a tasty muffin.
04:15You can make it cute.
04:16You can make it crazy.
04:17I feel like I'm definitely going to change from the beginning.
04:20I'm like, vagina.
04:23Yeah, and we always talk about boundaries.
04:24Like some guys do have that unrealistic expectation that you should, you know, talk like a porn star.
04:30But maybe that's not who you are.
04:33So find your sexy.
04:35So I guess it's time for me to learn some dirty words and dirty phrases.
04:41We'll start off nice and easy.
04:43So you're good old fashioned sex mode.
04:45Let's say you're trying to eat better and you haven't had dessert for a while.
04:49You take that first bite and you know how good that tastes.
04:52Mmm.
04:53Yes.
04:55I'm picturing cake right now.
04:57I'm like, mmm.
04:58Yes.
04:59It's like me and my mind eating cheesecake.
05:02We're going to practice through the, oh, yeah, yes.
05:06Okay.
05:08Oh.
05:09Yeah.
05:11Yes.
05:13Oh.
05:15Yeah.
05:16Yes.
05:17Yes.
05:19You were questioning it.
05:21No, you got this.
05:23Hey, listen.
05:24I don't get laid very often.
05:26There's reasons.
05:27Okay.
05:28So now we're going to play some Dirty Talk Mad Libs.
05:31I love it when you blank my blank.
05:34I like it when you lick my beige nipples.
05:44Descriptive.
05:45Descriptive.
05:46If you're not careful, I'm going to blank.
05:49If you're not careful, I'm going to hog tie you.
05:52Ooh.
05:53Yes.
05:54Getting kinky.
05:55I love it.
05:56It's getting hot in here.
05:57Anyone else?
05:57Mm-hmm.
05:58Is there such a thing as sexual etiquette?
06:00Oh, yeah.
06:00Definitely.
06:01How's it feel?
06:02Does it feel good?
06:03It's like checking in on your partner.
06:04Yeah.
06:05If you're not watching what's going on, then how are you going to know if it's going well?
06:08Speaking about sex.
06:10Mm-hmm.
06:10Help sex grow.
06:11Exactly.
06:12Why don't we talk about it more?
06:14The more you talk, more orgasms.
06:15Selma is extremely fearless.
06:18It takes a while before you get comfortable talking dirty, but towards the end, it's just like the confidence
06:22that you have makes it sexy.
06:24Old-fashioned rules dictate that when it comes to women and sex, discretion is everything.
06:29But in talking to two moms and my own mother, I learned it's the exact opposite.
06:34That it all starts with a conversation.
06:37Call your mom.
06:41Experts at fornicating.
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