00:01If a person is open, I believe that anyone can have a match.
00:09Do I think that everyone has done the personal work and has kept their hearts open to receive their matches?
00:15No.
00:17I think that what's really holding people back is their perceived ideas of who they think they're going to fall
00:23in love with, looks like, acts like, seems like.
00:26Hello, my name is Amy Van Doren and I'm a professional matchmaker for a living.
00:36So first we're actually going to be looking today for JF.
00:40Okay, so he's 31.
00:42He's a creative.
00:44I love JF. He's a yogi. He's a writer. He's financially stable.
00:49He's really funny.
00:49He's got a great job.
00:50So he needs someone I think that's a little bit more grounded, but also can like go on crazy adventures.
00:55So this girl's very cool.
00:56Oh, that'd be good.
00:58Yeah.
00:58Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:00Matchmaking is a luxury service.
01:02I don't think that you can get a truly great matchmaker in New York City for less than $40,000.
01:08Handbags are expensive. Art is expensive.
01:11Curating your love life by a team of professionals is expensive.
01:15This was a very, very close match.
01:17Going on four great dates.
01:19He says nothing but positive things.
01:21I think just the, I guess the chemistry.
01:24But what he liked is that they kind of came from similar backgrounds.
01:28And so he could kind of, it was very relatable.
01:31Me, Alexa, Zoe, we take on 16 clients at a time.
01:34And those are the people we're working for.
01:36In a six month period, that's as many people as we take on.
01:38And then we're interviewing people constantly to do their matches.
01:41So it's free to be a match with a client and then a client, well, that's quite expensive.
01:48Because he got so far, I think that the next match, like if we get the right match, like we
01:54could, like he's ready.
01:55The cat lights on, like if we put the right person in front of him, we can make a wife
01:59happen.
01:59Let's make a wife happen.
02:00Let's make a wife happen.
02:09Let's make a wife happen.
02:10I was 16 years ago in a park.
02:13I had this little sign that said free love advice.
02:16And I would sit in the park all day and all night and I would just talk to strangers.
02:21And eventually that turned into a career.
02:24In a typical year, I'll probably make $250,000.
02:28One of the risks you take when you're starting your own business is some years you make nothing.
02:32In other years you make a lot and you just have to hope that it all evens out in the
02:37wash.
02:38I'm super proud to have an all female team of women that like were able to support by finding people
02:44love.
02:45And this year I got them health insurance.
02:47It's a big deal for a three person team that started off as a performance art piece in the park.
02:54The hardest part of being a matchmaker is because I fall so deeply in love with every client.
03:01You're like, where's their match, you know, and you feel so responsible.
03:05And so the highs and the lows of what a client's going through, it's really hard to not take it
03:10personally.
03:11And so, you know, I wake up the first thing in the morning and I'm thinking about, you know, where's
03:15Michael's match and I go to sleep.
03:17And so I think what makes me a good matchmaker is I'm pretty obsessed.
03:21Another problem is that like, you know, the answer of why someone's single.
03:25But if they're not ready to hear it, if they're not ready for that breakthrough, you have to sit and
03:28watch them make the same mistakes over and over again.
03:31That can be challenging.
03:34Is this your first time with a matchmaker?
03:37Yes, I've never met with one.
03:38Wow.
03:39But I've been like, always thinking about it.
03:41It always seems like a thing that, you know, it's been interesting to do.
03:44I've been matchmaking for 15 years and I've personally interviewed over 15,000 single people for an hour each in
03:54person.
03:55All right, Amanda, so we're going to be asking you for the next hour some questions.
04:00And if you match with one of our clients, there's only 16.
04:04So if you don't get any calls, it's not personal.
04:05Right.
04:05You can also hire us.
04:06It would be my pleasure to be your matchmaker.
04:08And if we set you up, you guys go on the date and then afterwards you call us and you
04:13tell us how the date went.
04:14Because the whole point of this is us helping you become the best version of you dating.
04:19Yeah.
04:19So, Amanda, usually by the time someone is coming to me, there's been some sort of like, aha moment or
04:26like, wake up, whatever.
04:27Why love now for you?
04:30I'm in my 30s.
04:32I'm more secure with myself than ever.
04:34I'm just so ready to grow with somebody else and like reflect the growth that I've done with myself with
04:41somebody else as well.
04:42Monogamy.
04:42Is that something?
04:43Yes.
04:44Yeah.
04:44100%.
04:44Yes.
04:45Would you relocate for love?
04:47Yeah.
04:47Cool.
04:48That's always good.
04:49I always say that New York is a little bit lopsided as far as like the male to female ratio
04:53goes.
04:54And so I've been having a lot of luck setting up people in San Francisco, Mexico City.
04:59Yeah.
04:59Do you want kids?
05:01I'm about to start freezing my eggs.
05:03Okay.
05:03I start my like the whole process on Monday, literally.
05:06All right.
05:07So I say that I have an insurance policy in place.
05:10As far as like gender roles go, let's say you're pregnant.
05:15Yeah.
05:15You're about to have a kid.
05:16Do you want to take some time off?
05:19Do you want a stay at home husband?
05:21Like what's kind of the ideal situation for like your life setup?
05:25The idea of taking maternity leave also kind of like freaks me out.
05:28I'm like, because I don't take vacations.
05:30I don't take breaks.
05:31I don't slow down.
05:31You don't take vacations?
05:32No.
05:33I took my first vacation for the first time in years last month.
05:34Listen, you're going to want to try to date someone?
05:36These things happen when there is space.
05:39Yeah.
05:39You know, it can't.
05:40You're going to have to like...
05:41I'm trying to make the space.
05:42You're going to make a little groovy space.
05:44So you can call them like a little groovy love, you know?
05:46I'm trying to make the space.
05:47And then I'm incentivizing making this space.
05:49Like I'm taking a lot more time for myself this year than I think I ever have.
05:52No vacations.
05:53I hadn't had one for four years.
05:54So some of my favorite clients are like workaholics, ladies like running my favorite stuff.
06:00When they were doing the process, it didn't work.
06:01They got fired or quit their job.
06:03All of a sudden, like a week later, they found the levels of life.
06:06Right.
06:06But it really does take space.
06:07It takes space.
06:08When you're taking space, you're like present.
06:10You're connecting with people.
06:11You're really able to see what's special.
06:14Yeah.
06:14So you're here.
06:16You so are amazing.
06:18You really do deserve love.
06:20And you've done all your personal work, but now you have to make space.
06:24Yeah.
06:24To receive that love.
06:25You know, sometimes I get jaded and I'm really excited to know that there might be somebody
06:29out there or could be somebody out there that's like perfect for me and my little weird self.
06:34You know, I'm really excited.
06:35Oh my God, someone's going to be so happy and excited and thankful to date you.
06:41We just have to have you show up and make space for that to happen.
06:44I'm going to do it.
06:47All right.
06:47So three tips that I can give single people looking to empower themselves to find love.
06:54Tip number one, treat the whole world like it is your dating arena.
06:59So when I'm walking through my neighborhood, I almost act like I'm the mayor.
07:03So I say hi to every single person I meet on the street.
07:05I try to get to know people's stories.
07:07I tell people I'm looking for love and you know, if they know anyone great that they can
07:12help me out.
07:13And so try to like really be a member of your community and really use the resources of the
07:18real people that know you and that are around you.
07:21Tip number two, throw out your crazy list of arbitrary things that you think you're looking
07:27for any match, whether a person has a certain kind of job or their height or their religion.
07:33None of these things really matter.
07:35What you should be paying attention to when you're meeting a new person is how do they
07:39make me feel?
07:40Do I feel seen, heard, understood?
07:42And can I connect with them?
07:43Tip number three, stop acting like love is something that's going to happen to you.
07:49Learn social generosity.
07:51Go up to people and approach them from a place of like high self-esteem and give them
07:56the gift of getting to know you.
07:58So instead of being like, oh, what is this person doing for me?
08:01Ask yourself, how can I activate or unlock what's awesome about another person?
08:09So I think the world, especially with all the trauma and the fear in the world, I think
08:16we have been taught after our hearts been broken to close our hearts.
08:23And I think the real work is keeping your heart open.
08:28Love isn't something that happens to you.
08:30Love is a creative thing.
08:32You have the key and you can ignite it in another person.
08:37Say bye.
08:39Bye.
08:40We hope we find you all matches.
08:42Like there's nothing better than like, you know, you go through this process, you find
08:46a great match and then like a year later you get a little card in the mail and it's
08:49like the wedding photos.
08:50It's just, it's so sweet.
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