- há 3 meses
In the house, Dylan's constant temper tantrums, screaming and crying rule the house. Despite being 3 years old, he refuses to be potty trained and constantly screams for a diaper when he has to use the bathroom
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00:00Hi guys, I'm in Oakview, California this week, ready to help a family. Why don't you join me?
00:07Hi, we're the Van Ackers. I'm Jessica. And I'm Kevin. We have two children, Emma, who's six.
00:13Mom, I don't want to get rid of it today. And Dylan, who's three.
00:18Yeah! No, no, no!
00:22Break it! No!
00:23Emma is a very spirited little girl. You don't?
00:27No!
00:30Dylan loves to scream.
00:37My word. He's not letting up at all, is he?
00:41Let's go try and use the potty.
00:43Potty training doesn't exist for Dylan.
00:46If you try to make him use it, his fit almost gets into convulsions.
00:52He's just terrified of it.
00:54It's okay.
00:55He's starting to run and hide from us when he has to go to the restroom.
00:58Are you going poop?
01:00No, no!
01:01Well, what are you doing then?
01:02Go wet!
01:03He will hold his pee or poop eight hours.
01:07I want my wiener.
01:08Does it hurt?
01:10Yeah.
01:10He won't put big boy underwear on.
01:12I want to be a diaper.
01:13You don't want to be a big boy?
01:14Daper.
01:15Why didn't you tell me? We could have went poo-poo in the potty.
01:18Daper, diaper!
01:18Daper!
01:19Don't you want to eat some food?
01:25Dylan definitely has the control of the house.
01:28I want dinner.
01:29You want dinner now?
01:31He runs the dinner and when to eat, what to eat.
01:34All right, let's make some dinosaur chickens.
01:36He doesn't want to eat real food.
01:38It's always going to be something sugary or a snack.
01:41We took him to the doctor and found out that he's anemic due to his diet.
01:46You're not having a fruit roll.
01:47No, no!
01:48He doesn't eat vegetables.
01:49You don't like it, huh?
01:51He doesn't eat meat.
01:53Can you eat the rest of your sandwich?
01:54No!
01:55And he's always tired and he's always grumpy and he's exhausted.
01:59If he's anemic, we need to be in control of this situation.
02:03Ah!
02:04Come on!
02:05It's to the point where we've let the kids take over the house
02:08and we need someone to help us.
02:11You need to have a bite.
02:12Ah!
02:14If it doesn't work, we don't really know where to go next.
02:17Get out!
02:18No, no!
02:20Super nanny, please get here as soon as you can.
02:23Well, I know you guys are feeling overwhelmed,
02:24but hang on in there because I'm going to be with you soon.
02:35Hello!
02:42Hello!
02:43How are you?
02:44Pleased to meet you.
02:44Nice to meet you.
02:45I'm Jessica.
02:46Hi, Joan.
02:46How are you?
02:47Pleased to meet you.
02:48This is Emma.
02:49It's a pleasure to meet you.
02:50And who's this here?
02:52My brother, Joey.
02:53Hi, Dylan.
02:55Pleased to meet you too.
02:56Can you say hi?
02:59No?
03:01Moments after I met Dylan,
03:02it just sank down into the furniture.
03:06I mean, it was only morning.
03:08The cowboy looked exhausted.
03:09Kevin.
03:10Hi, Kevin.
03:11Pleasure to meet you.
03:12Do you want to say hi, Dylan?
03:14Okay.
03:14No, he's going to...
03:15Yeah.
03:16...today.
03:16Yeah.
03:17I'm going to put my bag down and be a fly on the wall.
03:20Okay, perfect.
03:21We're going to have lunch.
03:25Go, hey, don't kick me.
03:28Go sit at the table.
03:29And right away, Dylan started acting up.
03:32What's wrong?
03:36Can you hold on just a minute?
03:38Do you want chicken?
03:40And then I got to see how big an issue
03:43Dylan's mealtime antics really are.
03:47Some water?
03:48You're fine.
03:49Stop.
03:50Why don't you want to eat?
03:52Please?
03:53I got you watermelon.
03:57What's wrong?
03:58Want me to cut it?
03:59I could cut it for you.
04:00No!
04:01You don't want it cut?
04:03I was seeing how much he knows exactly what buttons to push.
04:07When you look at Dylan, you can clearly see that he has control.
04:13Eat it.
04:14You got to bite it.
04:15Finally, we got him to eat a carrot.
04:17I'm thinking, oh, great, he's going to eat it.
04:19Took a couple of chews and decided he didn't like it.
04:22Don't spit it out.
04:24Dylan likes to chew things up and spit them out.
04:26Eat those.
04:27It's frustrating with Dylan because sometimes you feel like you're trying to give him what
04:31he needs, but he just won't take it.
04:33Are you done?
04:37Are you done?
04:38Dylan's got so much control.
04:40Within ten minutes, he's down from the table and he's in the pantry where he's given treats
04:45and sweetie things to eat.
04:47We actually just found out he's anemic because of his diet.
04:51And so he's got an iron deficiency which could cause him to be tired and gets the dark circles
04:56under his eyes.
04:58With mum and dad not on top of Dylan's anemia and not providing him with a well-balanced
05:03meal, you know why he's got no energy.
05:08What do you think?
05:09I'm more of like the old-fashioned dad where it's like, well, if he doesn't eat, he'll
05:12get hungry and he'll come back.
05:14But he doesn't.
05:16It's critical that he start to eat healthy food.
05:19And these parents know that it is important, yet they're not stepping up to do what is necessary.
05:31With dad gone off to the grocery store to pick up a few things and mum sitting down at
05:35the table doing homework with Emma, we saw Dylan kick off again.
05:39And mum did nothing about it.
05:41You don't sharpen that.
05:42No!
05:43I know if Dylan doesn't get his own way when I'm helping Emma with homework, homework doesn't
05:49get done like it should get done.
05:51Everything in the house stops.
05:53Give me the pencil.
05:56Stop.
06:01Get down.
06:02Yes.
06:04Fine.
06:06Dylan screams a lot.
06:07It hurts my ears.
06:10That's how loud it is.
06:11Cover.
06:12Stop.
06:13Dee.
06:16Emma's struggling to do her homework while Dylan's screaming at the top of his lungs.
06:21And what's mum doing to change this?
06:24Nothing.
06:25Nothing.
06:25Stop.
06:26Stop.
06:27Dee.
06:28I was watching Emma try and complete her homework whilst Dylan was kicking off.
06:42And mum did nothing about it.
06:45Stop.
06:46Now.
06:47Do you want me to put you in your room?
06:50What is the room?
06:51Is that your time out?
06:52I don't have a time out for him.
06:55No!
06:58No!
07:00No!
07:00Come here.
07:01I tend to let things go and go and go to the point where I get frustrated.
07:04I just pick them up and put them in their room, shut their doors so I don't have to deal
07:08with it.
07:08You can sit in here until you can come out and be nice.
07:11If he's naughty, mum places him into his bedroom, which is the same place that he plays
07:15with his trains, so it's more a case of getting him out of mum's hair, rather than him sitting
07:21down and understanding that there's a cause of action that happens when he misbehaves.
07:32Dylan's well over three years old, and he's still not potty trained.
07:37There's certainly an issue here.
07:39Deeper!
07:40He will not use the restroom.
07:42He will hold it.
07:44He'll scream.
07:45I can't hold it anymore.
07:46I need a diaper.
07:47Ah!
07:47Diaper!
07:49Mum!
07:50Mum, a diaper!
07:52Diaper, diaper, diaper!
07:54Diaper, mum!
07:57Why don't we try going pee-pee in the bathroom?
07:59And Dylan was like a broken record.
08:02Diaper, diaper, diaper, diaper.
08:04Diaper.
08:05Come on.
08:07Mum, a diaper!
08:08Come on.
08:09Diaper!
08:10Let's go.
08:11So what is it you're doing now?
08:12Give him a diaper.
08:14Diaper!
08:14Do you have to go poop or pee-pee?
08:16Diaper.
08:17Do you have to go poop or do you have to go pee?
08:19Diaper.
08:20Dylan, do you have to go poo-poo or pee-pee?
08:23Diaper.
08:24Come on.
08:25Diaper!
08:26Diaper!
08:27Fine.
08:27So I instantly had given in, put the diaper on him, he walks out right in front of Joe and
08:33he says, I'm peeing now.
08:35I pee my diaper, mum.
08:37I was pretty embarrassed.
08:40You think you could go pee in the potty now?
08:41Yeah, I bet you do.
08:43Oh yeah, I bet you do.
08:45And after Dylan peed, he got the potty out.
08:48Well, he's hardly going to use it now, is he?
08:50I can't pee.
08:51You can.
08:52You could try.
08:54I can't.
08:55Why can't you?
08:56No, I can't.
08:58It's little.
08:59What's little?
09:00I'm little.
09:03It doesn't mean you can't go pee in the potty, buddy.
09:05Yeah.
09:07I'm going to pee-pee.
09:08You went pee-pee in this diaper, it's all yucky.
09:10The parents have become very complacent.
09:12It's convenient for them to place a diaper on Dylan and he's become comfortable with that
09:16and so have they.
09:18You know, you could sit down and go pee-pees?
09:20Yeah.
09:20Why not?
09:21I can't.
09:22I can't.
09:23Does he generally stand up and go for a pee in the grown-up toilet?
09:26He stands there but he's never actually done it.
09:29They believe that he's scared of sitting on the potty and the toilet and I don't.
09:38And then dinner was being served and I thought I might get a chance to see Dylan having a
09:44healthy, balanced meal.
09:46But that didn't happen.
09:47It's not a toy.
09:48Eat it.
09:49And just like lunch, Dylan refuses to eat.
09:53It's a power struggle yet again.
09:58What?
09:59If I eat mine, you eat yours.
10:01Ready?
10:01Here we go.
10:02Go.
10:02You put two and two together and you work out that your child can't be eating healthy
10:13food.
10:13If they're looking underweight as Dylan's looking, they're just really not making the effort to
10:18be conscious about the foods that they need to be providing for their children and they
10:23have to.
10:24Sit back at the tea box.
10:25No!
10:27No!
10:27There's no potty training, no discipline, no healthy meals.
10:33I knew that I'd seen enough.
10:35Thank you for today.
10:36Sure.
10:37And I'll be here bright and early tomorrow.
10:38All right.
10:38Thank you very much.
10:39Good night.
10:40Good night.
10:41And so I and me get to come back into the house to really talk about those issues so
10:45we can start to work on it and make progress.
10:47Because the stakes are too high when it comes to this boy's health.
10:50I am absolutely a nervous wreck.
11:00I'm afraid she's going to tell me I'm a horrible parent and everything needs to change.
11:05Hiya.
11:05Hello.
11:06How are you?
11:07Very well, thank you.
11:09So?
11:10Nervous.
11:10There are several things that we can address here that I think will just make a huge difference
11:17to your family.
11:18And one of those things is Dylan's eating habits, which leads to his being anemic and addressing
11:25that is going to be key because we know it's part of what's necessary for him to grow and
11:29develop.
11:31It's not like you're not aware of the foods that Dylan should be eating, but it's become
11:36a struggle to have him eat that healthy range and variety because of the snacks.
11:42And right now he's controlling that situation.
11:45Dylan's sitting at the table and saying, I don't want it, I'm not going to eat it, means
11:49I get down from the table and within 10 minutes we can have all those goodies in that pantry.
11:53Right.
11:53Being anemic is one thing, and now we're talking about Dylan just wanting to control.
11:57Right.
11:58Yeah.
11:58And I think you guys do know the difference.
12:01Yeah.
12:01I do.
12:02A little bit.
12:03I mean, yeah, I do.
12:04You do?
12:05I do.
12:05I think if you're being honest, you'd say, I do, and sometimes I just let him off.
12:09Sure.
12:09Absolutely.
12:10Laziness, definitely.
12:13So we need to be able to address the behaviour that's naughty.
12:16And so it's going to be important that we do put a time out in place.
12:21And sending him to his bedroom to do a time out does nothing.
12:27Because he's in there playing.
12:28Right.
12:29So what do I do with him?
12:31Because if I'm to set him right next to us in a chair, he's going to get up and come
12:34to me and hang on me.
12:35Correct.
12:35But he's only going to do that until he realises that you'll follow through.
12:39The fact is, there is no follow through with you.
12:42And so he realises that he can control you in that way, and you become the pushover.
12:46So talking about control and Dylan wanting his own way leads me to the potty training.
12:57Mm-hmm.
12:58He says, no, I'm not going to do it.
13:01Right.
13:01But I feel like he's terrified of it.
13:03Of what?
13:04He won't sit on the potty.
13:06See, the fact is, is that I'm scared.
13:08I can't do it.
13:09It's all basically, I don't want to do it.
13:12And when he starts having this big performance about, I need the diaper.
13:15Well, let's face it.
13:17What's the worst that's going to happen?
13:18He's going to poop in his pants.
13:19Correct.
13:19He's going to poop in his pants, or he's going to wee in his pants.
13:22And done.
13:23Right.
13:24So Dylan's eating habits, potty training, and the control, we can put in all of it.
13:31But you guys need to mean business.
13:34Right.
13:34Stop being pushovers and being lazy and just get on and do it.
13:37Sounds good.
13:37Good.
13:42The first thing I need to tackle with the Van Acker family are these health issues with Dylan.
13:48He's got anemia because he's not eating very healthy at all.
13:53Can you say hi?
13:54Dylan needs to have a certain amount of milligrams of iron a day.
13:58And so what I have done is brought in a list for this family so that they can identify the food groups that are rich in iron.
14:06It's red meat and your leafy veg, dried fruit, beans, peas, soybeans.
14:11Sounds good.
14:13It was time to head off to the grocery store so that we could get some of these goodies that were on that list.
14:18Go this way.
14:21I want to get it.
14:22Can I get it?
14:23Yep.
14:24Having Emma go with her father to pick out those vegetables and feel like she is letting the family eat the right food and also serve Dylan with his being anemic is a win-win situation for this family.
14:36Green beans.
14:37We picked out all the vegetables and it was really fun.
14:41Potatoes.
14:43Asparagus.
14:44That's our vegetables.
14:46Dad grabbed some food that was on that list.
14:49It's a good reference and definitely a good source of foods that's going to help with the iron deficiency in Dylan's diet.
14:56Do you guys have flank steak?
14:58Yeah.
14:59All right.
14:59Can I get two pounds of that?
15:01Buying the foods is the easy part.
15:04The challenging part is getting Dylan to sit down and eat them.
15:09At dinner time, Mum and Dad served up peas, chicken.
15:14So we'll just cut pieces for him.
15:15And corn for Dylan.
15:17But he was having none of it.
15:19No, no, no, no.
15:21No.
15:24Dylan, don't scream at the table.
15:27We're not going to get up until you're finished eating your dinner.
15:30Peas?
15:30Dylan's behaviour was more than just playing up because he didn't want to eat.
15:37And because nobody was doing anything, I stepped in to give Dylan a warning.
15:41Dylan, stop that...
15:42Turn around, please.
15:44Turn around.
15:44Stop that screaming right now.
15:47Any more of this nonsense at the table and you'll be going straight into timeout.
15:51Do you understand?
15:53Right, stop it.
15:54Get on with your dinner, please.
15:55But he didn't listen to the warning.
15:56He carried on screaming.
15:58You're going to finish your dinner.
16:03Dylan started to cry.
16:05He started to whine.
16:06Dylan, you're not finished.
16:08Mum wasn't stepping up, so I decided to lead by example and put Dylan into timeout myself.
16:13Mummy told you to sit at the table and eat your dinner.
16:17And you are screaming and you are not behaving yourself and listening to Mummy.
16:23Now you will stay here.
16:24Joe stepped in and said, you know, this is how we're going to do it.
16:27And it was complete meltdown.
16:29Baby!
16:30Ow!
16:32Ow!
16:33Ow!
16:33Ow!
16:33Ow!
16:33Ow!
16:33Ow!
16:34Ow!
16:34Ow!
16:34Ow!
16:34Ow!
16:35Ow!
16:35Ow!
16:36Ow!
16:37Ow!
16:38Ow!
16:39Ow!
16:40Ow!
16:41Ow!
16:42Ow!
16:43Ow!
16:45Ow!
16:46Ow!
16:47Ow!
16:48Ow!
16:49Ow!
16:50Ow!
16:51Ow!
16:52Ow!
16:53Ow!
16:54Ow!
16:54Ow!
16:55You're in a hot seat, you're done!
16:55For me to be able to watch her in action, I hopefully can repeat that and do that myself.
17:00You need to turn around and eat.
17:01Ow!
17:02Ow!
17:03Ow!
17:04Ow!
17:04Ow!
17:05Ow!
17:06Ow!
17:06Ow!
17:07That is unacceptable.
17:09You do not dump your food out.
17:11When Dylan dumped his plate, I thought, gosh, you know, he's gotten really bad at this
17:16point.
17:17You're getting a timeout.
17:18You do not...
17:19No, Alexie!
17:20You're everywhere.
17:22Settle down.
17:23You're sitting here because you dumped your plate.
17:27I just started to feel really bad for him.
17:30So I really fought with myself with,
17:34OK, I just got to let it go
17:35because I know it's going to be OK in the end.
17:38I would like you to tell Mommy that you're sorry.
17:41Sorry.
17:42Now can I have a hug?
17:44Having Joe there to watch everything was a good thing.
17:47When I was doubting myself,
17:49I had somebody there to teach me exactly how to do it correctly.
17:53I will get you a napkin, but you need to sit at the table.
17:56Dylan had learnt that it's not OK to dump his plate,
18:00but we still got to get him to eat.
18:01As soon as you finish eating, you can get down,
18:04but you need to eat what I asked you to eat.
18:07What I want you to do is tell him that he needs to have
18:11four pieces of chicken and two peas.
18:16When your child's a reluctant eater,
18:18it's so important as parents
18:20that you give clear, realistic expectations.
18:24Listen to me.
18:25You need to eat four pieces of your chicken,
18:27and you need to have two peas,
18:29and then you're finished.
18:30Put it in your mouth.
18:32He just refused to taste the chicken.
18:36You need to finish eating.
18:38Seemed like he had every excuse in the book.
18:41And then Dylan made a run for it,
18:51and he gave Mum and Dad quite a scare.
18:53What happened?
18:56What just happened?
18:57Are you OK?
18:58See your frozen veg in your fridge.
19:01Put it out the freezer and wrap it in a tea cloth.
19:04OK, and then put it on his head.
19:07Ultimately, everything was all right,
19:10and then Mum took Dylan back to the dining table,
19:12and he realised she weren't giving in.
19:14Sit down and eat the chicken.
19:17And you need to sit down and eat your chicken.
19:20I think it kicked in for Dylan,
19:22where he's learning that the rule's changing.
19:24I'm not going to be the boss.
19:25I guess something's going to have to break here.
19:27I want to take a shower.
19:29You can take a shower.
19:30Eat that.
19:33Good job.
19:34Good boy.
19:34Dylan finally ate some of his food.
19:38Dad, walk away.
19:39Dad, walk away.
19:41Admittedly, it was only two mouthfuls,
19:43but it's better than nothing.
19:45And I know I'm going to still have to work with this family
19:47on getting Dylan to eat more,
19:50but it was a real big breakthrough.
19:55When one child is using up all of their parents' energy,
19:59it sometimes means that the second child,
20:00who's well-behaved, gets left out.
20:03And sometimes the parents' frustrations
20:05can be very much projected on that child.
20:08This would be a good thing to grasp with the kids.
20:11It would allow you...
20:12Hold on a moment, darling.
20:13Emma, remember the excuse me,
20:14this conversation we had last night?
20:16When everyone left, we had the conversation
20:18that you interrupt, you need to stop,
20:20and if you have something to say, you ask excuse me.
20:22Emma wants to be the priority all the time,
20:24and she wants to be the center of attention.
20:26But sometimes we have to deal with Dylan,
20:28so she wants to push buttons.
20:30So don't interrupt.
20:31Nothing's that important unless the house is on fire.
20:34I've started to notice that Kevin gets very agitated by Emma,
20:40so I took him outside into the backyard
20:42to have that adult conversation with him.
20:45What is the biggest thing,
20:48the biggest thing that agitates you the most about Emma
20:52that you need patience with?
20:55Lately, it's been like what just happened
20:58with her interrupting, the bossiness.
21:01It's basically just her little...
21:02It's a little attitude.
21:04Okay.
21:04It's easier said than done,
21:06but recognize that through you nipping the behavior
21:09in the bud straight away
21:10in a very calm and composed way
21:12is going to allow her to recognize the seriousness of it.
21:16If you come home and then all you are doing
21:18is correcting her about things,
21:20it leaves her going...
21:22like this.
21:24Mm-hmm.
21:24You know, oh, I'm not pleased.
21:25Forehead sweat, what am I doing wrong?
21:27Yeah, and then...
21:27I'm going to be in trouble every time I talk to him.
21:29Yeah.
21:29Yeah, I don't want to have the whole
21:31wait till your father gets home.
21:33It's going to be really important
21:34that Dad remained patient
21:36when dealing with Emma's behavior,
21:38so they both get the results
21:40without straining their relationship.
21:44We'd certainly made progress with Dylan's diet,
21:47but I knew we had something far more challenging ahead,
21:51and that was potty training.
21:52You're going to collect all the diapers,
21:54and you are now going to get all of his underpants out.
21:59It's going to be very important for Dylan
22:00during the day that we get rid of the diapers,
22:03because it's been confusing for him in the past.
22:06He's going to make a choice to go to the toilet
22:09or to end up peeing in his pants,
22:12and when he does, it's not about scolding him,
22:14it's about looking at him and saying,
22:15that was really silly, wasn't it?
22:17You know where you go.
22:19You don't get your diaper until the evening.
22:21I'm a little worried to go all in,
22:24and that's it for potty training,
22:25because I know Dylan's going to be dragging on my leg,
22:28and please give me a diaper.
22:31Knocky, knocky, knocky, knocky.
22:33Listen, it's just some underwear.
22:36You won't ever let me put them on.
22:39Take the diaper away.
22:41Diaper!
22:43Diaper them on!
22:45We're not doing diapers, Dylan.
22:46We're done with the diapers.
22:47We're all done with the diapers.
22:48No!
22:49I want diapers!
22:53If you want to choose some underpants,
22:55they're right here.
22:56You can put them on.
22:57Okay?
22:58Do you want to go sit on the toilet?
23:00No, do you want to?
23:00These are the choices.
23:02Let's go try it.
23:03No try either.
23:04If you want to go for a poo,
23:05you can sit on the potty, Dylan,
23:07or you can sit on the toilet.
23:08We're not trying to do it.
23:10This is what we do.
23:11Would you like to go poo in the potty?
23:13Or the toilet?
23:15Let's go.
23:15All right, Mummy, take it then.
23:17Mummy, take it.
23:18Put it in the bathroom.
23:27Do I just let them go or...?
23:31Okay.
23:31Yeah, this is just all attention.
23:33Right.
23:33I will put your pants on if you...
23:42But we need to put your underwear on.
23:44No!
23:47No, I win!
23:52Yeah!
23:53Yeah!
23:57Yeah!
23:58Yeah!
23:59Yeah!
24:00No, I win!
24:01This is what winds you up
24:03when he's in your face.
24:04Oh, absolutely.
24:04So just tell him...
24:05Look, I've already told you.
24:06If you want your pants,
24:08you go bring some underwear
24:09and I will put them on you.
24:10I'm not going to do this right now.
24:14Sign up for a minute.
24:15I'm just going to show you.
24:17We've already spoke about this.
24:19If you want to go outside,
24:21go and get some underwear,
24:22you can put your pants on
24:23and then we can go out to play.
24:24Stop this faffing around.
24:26No!
24:27Go and play somewhere else.
24:29Go away, please.
24:29No, play...
24:31Go away, please.
24:32No shouting.
24:33If you want to talk to Mummy,
24:34no shouting.
24:36He's Oscar-worthy, isn't he,
24:37this little one?
24:38Look.
24:44Would you like to get your underwear
24:45and your pants on?
24:47Good boy.
24:49Did you pick out a pair of underwear?
24:52No.
24:53OK, well, then we're not putting the pants on.
24:55OK, which ones do you like?
24:58Dylan realized that we were saying the same thing
25:00over and over again
25:01and no one was budging.
25:03Would you like to put them on now?
25:04I'm going to go eat dinner.
25:08Look at that.
25:09These are fabulous underwear.
25:13Now let's go get your pants.
25:15When Dylan finally put underwear on,
25:18I wanted to, like,
25:19hooray out the window.
25:20It's a major accomplishment.
25:23So I was completely shocked.
25:25I really honestly did not think
25:26he would put underwear on.
25:27Let's go sit down as a family at the table.
25:29So far, we've got him in underwear.
25:31I believe that if we can literally
25:33get him from underwear
25:35to sitting on the toilet,
25:36actually taking a pee,
25:38then we are really making progress.
25:45Dylan, come in for it.
25:47I'm not going to make you sit on the toilet.
25:49No.
25:49I'm not going to make you sit on it.
25:50To get Dylan another step closer
25:52to using the toilet,
25:53I took him into the bathroom
25:54to explain this is where we go.
25:57Mummy and Daddy sit on this potty
25:59and their bottoms go here.
26:01But if Daddy tried to sit on this one,
26:03it's too small.
26:05But it will fit your bottom.
26:06If you want to,
26:07you can go on this one
26:08or you can go on this one.
26:09But you must go on the potty,
26:11not in your pants,
26:13because you're a big boy now.
26:14And big boys go in the potty.
26:18Now that we've established
26:20where you go for a pee,
26:21we just had to hang out
26:22and wait until Dylan needed to go
26:25so that Dad would have a chance
26:26to perform that step.
26:29Dylan started to grab it himself.
26:30So I took Dylan to the potty
26:32and put him down,
26:33and he started having
26:33a little bit of a fit.
26:34Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:36Mm-hmm.
26:38Let it go.
26:40Ha, ha, ha.
26:41Let it go.
26:42Dylan was fighting it
26:44two for now.
26:45He didn't just want to let go
26:47and go for a pee.
26:48And so I had Dad refocus him
26:50so that he could relax.
26:53Why don't you just go?
26:54Ha, ha, ha.
26:55What I think I'd like you to do as well
26:57is just sit him on that big potty like that
26:59and then talk to him about something else.
27:01And if he starts to scream,
27:03just very casually say,
27:04no screaming, listen to Daddy,
27:05because Daddy wants to tell you a story.
27:07It's really about being low-key.
27:09We shouldn't be making a big fuss about this.
27:12It's about him just being in a place
27:14where he feels comfortable enough
27:16to sit on the toilet
27:17and do what every other
27:18one of his family members does.
27:20You want to hear my story?
27:22So the big boat had a big elephant in it,
27:25and they sailed all the way across the ocean.
27:28And then they came into port,
27:30and there was all little houses on the hills,
27:32and you could see people running and playing.
27:34And a little boy just like you
27:36and a little girl like your sister
27:38came up to the dock
27:39because their Daddy bought them a big elephant.
27:42I could see that that was actually
27:43having a really good response with Dylan.
27:47He started to quieten down.
27:49And they walked it up the hill,
27:50and every time the elephant stepped like this,
27:52the bell went boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
27:56And it looked with its happy face
27:57and was like, bleh.
27:58Within a few seconds,
28:00he was totally distracted from, you know,
28:02holding back,
28:03and the next thing we know,
28:04he's peeing in the potty.
28:06Did you pee?
28:06Let's check it out.
28:09Actually, you did pee.
28:12To see it work,
28:13it felt really good, I think, for both of us.
28:15Do you feel a little better?
28:16Did you tell me you feel better?
28:19Kevin did an absolutely excellent job.
28:22It was a real big breakthrough.
28:23I'm leaving you for several days
28:28to continue with what we've started.
28:32The dinner thing,
28:33it's going to be a little hard.
28:35To not be able to say,
28:36you know what,
28:36just make some nuggets for them
28:38and let them eat them
28:38because no one's here to say no.
28:40Continue with the potty sitting down.
28:43I'm afraid that I'm going to slip on something.
28:46I think the potty training
28:47is going to be really tough.
28:49Aw, lots of love for Jojo.
28:50Lots of love for you.
28:52We're the ones doing it now.
28:53Emma, can I give you a kiss
28:54because I'm going now?
28:55Okay, good night, darling.
28:57This is our chance to show we're serious.
28:59I don't think we need to fail.
29:02I really hope that Mom and Dad
29:03step up with this program
29:05because if they don't,
29:06they've got real trouble on their hands.
29:12Ready?
29:13No, not really.
29:15I'm really worried about
29:17when Jo sees the DVD.
29:19There's always things she sees
29:20that we don't always notice ourselves.
29:23I'll be ready to take a look.
29:24Yes.
29:25Yeah?
29:26So let's take a look at your timeout, Jessica,
29:28so we can pick up any pointers here.
29:34Look at me.
29:35If you kick me again,
29:37you get a timeout.
29:38Look at me, okay?
29:39It's me.
29:40Nice.
29:43You need to go sit in a timeout.
29:45Let's go.
29:46You touch me with that,
29:47you're in a timeout too.
29:48Touch me.
29:50Okay, well,
29:50I don't think that was funny,
29:52so we got two timeouts.
29:54Sit here for six minutes.
29:56Me.
29:57You're taking timeout with me.
30:00Hey,
30:01you look at each other,
30:02you get three and six more minutes.
30:05How could they not look at each other?
30:07How could they not look at each other?
30:09It's like telling me
30:10not to look at you both now.
30:11You're right there.
30:11How can I not look at you?
30:12It was one of those needs
30:14to say something
30:14because I was frustrated.
30:16It's not about
30:17using your authority
30:18to control the child,
30:20you know?
30:21It's not to get them
30:22to do everything
30:22through the control
30:23and fear that there's
30:24going to be a timeout.
30:24Right.
30:26Your timeout is over.
30:28Do you know why
30:28you were in a timeout?
30:30Because you kicked me
30:31and I told you
30:32not to kick me.
30:34Okay, well,
30:35that wasn't nice,
30:36so what do you say?
30:37Sorry.
30:37Okay.
30:38Give me a hug.
30:39Do you know
30:40why you were in your timeout?
30:44Okay.
30:45And what do you say?
30:48Okay.
30:49Love you.
30:50All right,
30:51very sincere there.
30:52Both the kids knew.
30:53I mean,
30:53you followed it through,
30:54but timeouts
30:55are for serious things
30:56so that these kids
30:57realize that there's
30:57a boundary in place
30:58and we're teaching
30:59them right and wrong.
31:00So if now he's doing
31:00things that are just
31:01what every other kid
31:02would do
31:03and he's getting
31:03a timeout for it,
31:04how does it make
31:05the things that he's
31:05really doing wrong
31:06that are value
31:07significant?
31:08Right.
31:09So let's take a look
31:09at dinner.
31:10And then we're going
31:10to stick a tomato
31:12on there.
31:13Okay.
31:13See how pretty those are?
31:15These look pretty good.
31:19I want corn cob.
31:21Let's eat our kebabs
31:22first, okay?
31:23You have a bite of this
31:24and then you will get
31:26your corn.
31:27Is that good?
31:28Mmm, that's really good.
31:32Pineapple, zucchini,
31:34ribs, corn.
31:36You did really good.
31:38You made it fun.
31:40He's eating foods
31:40that contain iron.
31:42He's eating more
31:43variety of foods.
31:44It's the correct proportion
31:46when he is eating
31:47in those mealtimes.
31:48That's a huge difference.
31:49He's not nibbling,
31:49he's actually eating.
31:50You know?
31:51But I need to see
31:52more praise that's detailed.
31:54I am really pleased
31:55with the fact
31:56that you ate some chicken,
31:57you ate some spare ribs,
31:58you ate some corn.
32:00So be more detailed
32:01in your praise.
32:02So let's take a look
32:03at Dylan's pee
32:04as such.
32:06Don't put your hands
32:07on your wiener.
32:08Just let it go.
32:10Yay!
32:12Yeah, don't.
32:13There you go.
32:14Oh, yeah!
32:15Your pee's coming.
32:18Look at it.
32:18Doesn't that feel good?
32:20Doesn't that feel good?
32:22That's a lot of pee.
32:24Do you feel better?
32:25Well, I bet you feel better.
32:26Good.
32:27Are you done?
32:28Look at it.
32:32It's fabulous.
32:33It's just pee coming
32:34out of your wiener.
32:35That's four times today.
32:37You're a big boy now.
32:39Love it.
32:39Love it.
32:40What was lovely to see here
32:41was your whole attitude.
32:43You know,
32:43you weren't getting angry.
32:44It's like,
32:44hey, go for a pee-pee.
32:46Now that he has
32:47successfully gone,
32:48we need to start
32:49shortening now
32:50the steps
32:51of how he goes.
32:53Because otherwise
32:54we're going to start
32:54to be sitting in that
32:55bathroom for ten minutes
32:57giving him a whole
32:58showdown of a big story.
32:59Right.
32:59We're going to have to
32:59start putting a plan
33:00in place
33:01that allows us
33:02just to take us
33:02to the next level
33:03when it comes to
33:03the peeing the potty.
33:05So there's more stuff
33:06for us to do
33:07in a very positive way
33:08in just being able
33:09to build
33:09and move on
33:10with the praise
33:11and certainly planning
33:12a little bit more
33:13now on the potty.
33:14So in saying that,
33:15I'm going to say
33:15let's get cracking on
33:16and do some more.
33:17All right.
33:22Before I leave,
33:23I want to teach
33:24Mum and Dad
33:24how to get Dylan
33:25to go to the bathroom
33:26but minimise
33:27the amount of time
33:28that they actually
33:29spend with him
33:30when he's going.
33:32Kevin, move it on
33:33from that
33:34let's tell a whole
33:35big story
33:36whilst you're
33:36sitting on the toilet.
33:37Sure, we're at fun time
33:38almost.
33:39Correct.
33:39And it's kind of,
33:40yeah, it's turning into that.
33:41You see how it was
33:41an important shift
33:43for you to do
33:43when he was crying
33:44in the beginning
33:44and now we can just
33:45move on from that.
33:46And then Dad
33:47got a chance
33:47to give it a try.
33:48Let's go potty first
33:49and then we'll come back
33:50and do Legos.
33:51Come on.
33:52Come on.
33:53Come on.
33:53Come here.
33:54Come here.
33:55And settle down
33:56because we do this
33:57all the time now.
33:57Come on.
33:58You're a big boy.
33:59Move.
34:01I'm potty.
34:02I sat Dylan down
34:03and to be completely honest
34:05I was a little worried
34:05about it.
34:06Here we go.
34:07Hey.
34:08Not a big deal.
34:09Let's just hang out
34:09and go potty, okay?
34:11For a minute
34:12we get him off the subject
34:13of potty.
34:13What's your favorite truck?
34:15Now.
34:16And while I was going
34:17off the subject
34:18he peed.
34:19Bubbles.
34:20Bubbles?
34:20Yeah.
34:21Beep.
34:22Peepable.
34:23Are you all done?
34:23You want to wipe?
34:24It's amazing to think
34:25a week ago
34:26Dylan wouldn't come
34:28out of a diaper
34:28without throwing
34:29a huge fit
34:30and now he's sitting
34:31on the potty
34:32and he's going pee.
34:34Right on.
34:35All right.
34:35Let's go play Legos.
34:36Dylan needed less attention
34:38from Dad this time around
34:39and it just goes to show you
34:41that he's getting used
34:42to going to the bathroom
34:43on his own
34:44and just releasing
34:45and taking a good old pee.
34:47Boom.
34:50I noticed on the DVD
34:52that Mum and Dad
34:53don't really give the kids
34:55a lot of praise
34:55for things that they do
34:56and so I wanted
34:58to give this family
34:59a little something special
35:01that would initiate
35:02this process.
35:03That's the magic phoenix.
35:05It does nothing
35:05but deliver praise.
35:07This phoenix has feathers
35:09and some of these feathers
35:11you can pull
35:12and actually write on.
35:14So I asked Mum and Dad
35:14to write something
35:15that would praise
35:16each child on the feather
35:18and then tell a magical story
35:20about how Mr. Phoenix
35:22came to their home.
35:24Hey!
35:25There is a bird
35:26called a phoenix
35:27and it comes
35:29to children
35:30who have done good deeds.
35:32There's feathers
35:32and you can take the feather
35:33and it has something
35:34written on the feather
35:35that's going to be
35:36very special.
35:37Dylan, do you think
35:38there's a bird
35:39in the backyard?
35:40Should we go look?
35:41See if there's a big,
35:43bright, colorful bird.
35:45Do you think it'll be here?
35:47Everywhere, all around.
35:48You've got to look everywhere.
35:51Hey, what's that?
35:52Whoa!
35:52What's that?
35:53What's that, Dee?
35:54Is that the bird?
35:55Yeah!
35:56Oh, wow!
35:58Emma absolutely loved it.
36:00She was so thrilled
36:01to see it.
36:02Does it have
36:02any special feathers?
36:04What's it say?
36:05Very good job
36:07on remembering
36:10your...
36:11Okay.
36:13Lou!
36:15Manners.
36:15Manners.
36:16Have you been using
36:18your manners?
36:19Yeah?
36:20Go here.
36:20Well, that must be
36:21for you.
36:22It was magical.
36:23I mean, to watch
36:24my daughter's face
36:25and to feel the emotion
36:27she had over this thing.
36:28Oh, here's another one.
36:29There's a feather
36:29for you, I think, Dylan.
36:31Maybe it's for Dylan?
36:32Yep.
36:32Great job
36:33on going potty.
36:36Oh!
36:37Good job!
36:38The fact that these kids
36:39have been acknowledged
36:40for potty training
36:41and for using their manners
36:43is just going to give them
36:44good incentive
36:45to carry on doing so.
36:47To watch their eyes light up,
36:48it's amazing
36:49because they're like,
36:50wow, what did I do right?
36:52And then they want
36:52to keep doing that
36:53because this is fun.
36:54I'm getting not only
36:56encouragement from my parents,
36:57but I'm having
36:58these special things
36:59and it's wonderful for them.
37:01Tomorrow, after school,
37:02I'm going to come out
37:03and get my feather
37:04and read it.
37:04Sounds like a plan to me.
37:06We're definitely
37:07going to use the phoenix.
37:09I really love it.
37:12My work's done.
37:13It's time for me
37:14to leave now.
37:15I really hope
37:15that this family
37:16have taken everything
37:18that I've been able
37:18to give them
37:19so they can become
37:20more confident parents.
37:21Look out
37:22for the phoenix, okay?
37:24Bye-bye, Jojo.
37:26Dylan, give me a high five.
37:28Okay, bye-bye, Dylan.
37:30The future's looking pretty good
37:31for the Van Ackers.
37:33Keep in touch, okay?
37:34I feel confident
37:36and comfortable
37:36with the tools
37:37she's given me
37:38so I'm ready
37:38to start our family over
37:40in a positive way.
37:42Hey, good work, yeah?
37:44You did some really good work.
37:46I really feel confident
37:47in myself and my wife
37:49to be good parents
37:50and lead our kids
37:51in the right direction
37:52because this is what
37:53having a family is.
37:59Johnny
38:13
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