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Mom is often passive and lets the kids walk all over her. However, according to Mom, Dad is too "old school" when it comes to disciplining their children, and he often yells or manhandles them
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00:00I'm in Rochester, New York, ready to help a family.
00:03Let's take a look.
00:04Hi, we're the Potters.
00:05I'm Joy.
00:06And I'm Chris.
00:07We have four kids.
00:09Noah is 10, Ryan is 7, Jake is 5, and Alexa is 4.
00:14Ryan, come out of here.
00:15Always going to bed.
00:17I don't think that I get a lot of respect
00:19from any of the kids.
00:20I asked you to go upstairs no less than six times,
00:23and you're still sitting here.
00:24They don't respect us?
00:26Don't push me.
00:27And they don't respect the house.
00:28Don't hit the wall.
00:30Stop it.
00:31Talking back and being blatantly disrespectful.
00:34La, la, la, la.
00:35Hey!
00:35Covering your ears and saying la, la, la.
00:37You don't do that stuff.
00:39That makes me very angry.
00:41Wow.
00:42This needs to change.
00:44Go to bed for the night.
00:46Discipline has been tricky because the two of us
00:48haven't been on the same page with it.
00:50Alexa, come up here.
00:52I want to talk to them in a way that they deserve
00:54to be spoken to.
00:55Keep your darn hands off of them.
00:57He's a brat.
00:57He's not a brat.
00:58You're the brat.
00:59I think that his parenting style is a little old school.
01:02Hey!
01:03Get over here now!
01:05I'm a disciplinarian.
01:06I'm very strict.
01:07I do tend to do a lot of yelling.
01:10I don't think you're cute.
01:11He's loud.
01:12It can get scary.
01:13Get off and get it.
01:15I sometimes interrupt Chris and try to step in.
01:18Come with me.
01:18What did he do?
01:19He just kicked him in the private.
01:20He's getting him back.
01:21That's what Ryan did to him first.
01:23When I was a kid, my mom didn't challenge my dad.
01:26Do not talk about your parents again.
01:28That truly is where I'm coming from.
01:29Yeah, really.
01:30And it's...
01:31Okay.
01:32Power play between the pair of them.
01:34I have teamwork.
01:35My relationship with Noah is very strained.
01:40You're very careless, Noah.
01:41Strained because it always...
01:43He just doesn't listen.
01:44...ends up in a huge fight.
01:46What?
01:47Dad, I know.
01:48Plugging the ears.
01:49I know.
01:50You said you would.
01:51Yeah.
01:52And Chris is over the tap.
01:53He's screaming.
01:54Pick that up now.
01:56He needs to get it under control.
01:58I'm gonna go, Dad.
02:00Mom, don't stop.
02:02I do not like this.
02:04This is my life.
02:05It sucks.
02:06Ryan, I'm getting angry now.
02:08I wish that Chris would embrace parenting a little more.
02:12I don't want him to be frustrated.
02:14What did I just ask you to do?
02:16And angry all the time.
02:19Get in the house now.
02:21They want it to stop, and I want it to stop.
02:24I don't ever want to be faced with the decision of choosing between my husband and my kids.
02:29But I sometimes think, would it be better for us to be apart?
02:34Super Nanny, we really need you more than ever right now.
02:37Hold in there, because I am on my way.
02:39Hello.
02:40Hi.
02:41Pleased to meet you.
02:42You too.
02:43Jo.
02:44Come on in.
02:45How are you?
02:46Pleasure to meet you.
02:47Jo.
02:48Hi.
02:49What's your name?
02:50Jake.
02:51Hi, Jake.
02:52Pleased to meet you.
02:53Hi, I'm Chris.
02:54Pleasure to meet you, Chris.
02:55Pleasure to meet you.
02:56This is Alexa.
02:57Hi, Alexa.
02:58Pleasure to meet you.
02:59Jo.
03:00Hi.
03:01What's your name?
03:02Jake.
03:03Hi, Jake.
03:04Pleased to meet you.
03:05Hi, I'm Chris.
03:06Pleasure to meet you, Chris.
03:07Pleased to meet you.
03:08This is Alexa.
03:09Hi, Alexa.
03:10Pleased to meet you.
03:11This is Ryan.
03:12Hi, Ryan.
03:13Hi.
03:14Pleased to meet you.
03:15I'm Jo.
03:16So, I'm just gonna, you know, just observe and hang out, really.
03:17Okay.
03:18All right?
03:19Shortly after I arrived, Noah and Ryan vanished upstairs to play video games, but Mum had felt that they'd
03:23already played enough.
03:24It's just a different activity.
03:26That's just what we're doing.
03:27But Ryan went straight on as if Mum never said a word.
03:30Ryan, I said turn it off.
03:33The kids do not listen to me.
03:35I'm talking to them and they're not even looking at me.
03:38That's naughty.
03:40I asked you to turn it off.
03:42Give me the controller.
03:45Let go.
03:47Ryan.
03:48Mum was trying to make a point by taking away Ryan's game controller, but instead she ended up in a tug of a
03:53war.
03:54I'm not gonna play it.
03:57Just let me have the controller.
04:00What are you gonna do with the controller if I give it to you?
04:02I'm gonna put it back where it's supposed to go.
04:05Do it right now.
04:06In the end, I gave in and didn't really follow through with what I wanted.
04:09It's not your job.
04:11I'm your mommy.
04:12What does he mean by it's not your job?
04:14What's not your job?
04:15To tell him that he can't play it.
04:16Not only did mum allow Ryan to keep the game controller, but she also allowed him to disrespect her.
04:22And this boy has got his mum wrapped around his finger.
04:27I'm gonna go out for a little while, okay?
04:29Later on in the day, mum went off to work and dad insisted that Noah tidy his bedroom.
04:35Where mum is so soft, that is so extreme.
04:38What is all this?
04:39Legos.
04:40Yeah, well, you're gonna clean them up.
04:42Later.
04:43Hey, get over here and pick up these Legos.
04:46Really?
04:47Go!
04:48Okay, this can be taken away.
04:49Sometimes my dad gets really mad and I don't like it.
04:52Pick up the Legos.
04:54No!
04:55Go!
04:56Get back here now!
04:58I mean, I don't exactly blame Noah for running away.
05:01Dad's tone and the way he manhandles him, it's gotta be scary for that boy.
05:06All right, I'm gonna give you one chance to pick these Legos up.
05:09And if I pick them up, then they're gonna be taken away.
05:14Okay, well then, say goodbye to your Legos then.
05:16Dad was getting angry by the minute, so I left him upstairs to tidy up the toys.
05:21Where's Noah?
05:22In here.
05:23Huh?
05:24Over here.
05:25In there?
05:26Mm-hmm.
05:27Get up please from there.
05:29Noah, get out.
05:31Noah, Noah, that's not safe.
05:33And when I came downstairs to see where Noah was, he was hiding in the ottoman away from
05:37his dad.
05:38And before I knew it, dad was back.
05:40He's not done with Noah yet.
05:42Noah, getting tired of you just tossing your shoes wherever you feel like it.
05:46Hang on.
05:47All right.
05:48Do you know what I want you to do right now?
05:50What would I listen if you know what I mean?
05:53I shouldn't have to do this, but I will spell it out for you again.
05:56Get over here!
05:57They're falling in the grass!
05:58Get here now!
05:59You aren't told to walk away from me.
06:00Get over here!
06:01You're yelling at me!
06:02Because you don't do a single thing I ask you to do.
06:04You're disrespectful to me and your whole family.
06:07You don't come in the house and kick your shoes off and then refuse to pick them up when
06:11you're told to do so.
06:12Now get over there and pick them up.
06:13Now!
06:14Dad completely lost it.
06:15He's out of control.
06:16He scares those kids.
06:17But he doesn't scare me and I'm going to need to talk to him.
06:29Go upstairs so I don't have to drag you upstairs and go to bed.
06:34I can't.
06:35See, I can't.
06:36So we got to do this now.
06:38I can't because you're going to hurt me.
06:41Help!
06:44The big mean dad will go away if you simply do the simple task you're being asked to do.
06:50Good night!
06:54Dad had asked Noah to stay in his room for the rest of the evening.
06:57But I just wanted to check on Noah to see that he was okay after such a large confrontation with Dad.
07:02Do you know why your dad was angry with you tonight?
07:05I didn't want him to be a jerk.
07:08You killed him at me all the time.
07:11So Dad needs to work on how he talks to you, right?
07:14And being respectful.
07:16And you need to work on your listening skills, right?
07:19Tomorrow I'm going to sit and I'm going to talk to your mum and dad about things that need to change.
07:26Because this isn't good.
07:29Is it?
07:31Clearly the relationship between Noah and his dad has broken.
07:35And it's going to take some hard work to get it back together again.
07:39Observing the Potter family, I'd seen Dad's temper on the rampage.
07:47Get over here!
07:49You're yelling at me.
07:50Because you don't do a single thing I ask you to do.
07:53Now!
07:54As soon as mum got back from work, I took Dad aside to ask him if he thinks his behaviour has a huge impact on his children.
08:01I think my kids tend to overreact.
08:03Like, if I'm disciplining my son, he acts like it's the end of the world.
08:09And I think he's just trumping it up to try and get a reaction.
08:12Right.
08:13If I scream and cry and cower and, you know, and all this, then Dad will leave me alone.
08:19I think I do a lot of things right.
08:22And I kind of want somebody to chime in and point out, really, where I think Joy's shortcomings are.
08:28If she doesn't agree with what I'm doing, she'll jump in and she'll show the children that mum and dad don't agree.
08:36That's correct.
08:37Him and mum should be on the same page.
08:40But does he really think I'm going to give him a gold star because he bullies his children?
08:44I grew up in a wonderful family.
08:46I never saw my parents argue because my mum was content to step back and let my dad rule the house.
08:54There's no way that dad can expect me to be in his corner.
08:57Before I left for the night, though, I did need to hear mum's take on the situation.
09:01They're kids and they don't need to have the yelling and, you know, the loss of temper.
09:07And I know what a wonderful person he is.
09:09Or I wouldn't be with him.
09:11But I will always do what I think is right for the kids.
09:14So if at any point I ever thought that it was better for the kids for me to take them and for us to be a part, would I do it? Absolutely.
09:22She's in a desperate situation because she knows what she needs to do if things don't change.
09:28And she's scared that she's going to have to walk down that road.
09:31The stakes are incredibly big here in this family.
09:34I've seen plenty and I can't wait for tomorrow to come because I need to sit down and have a serious conversation with the Potter family.
09:40This is so nerve-wracking.
09:49I'm really, really anxious about the parent meeting.
09:52I know it's going to be difficult, so it's making me really uneasy.
09:57Let me start by telling you both that it takes a lot of courage to come to the table because some of the issues we will talk about, they're not a rosy picture.
10:09Yes. No.
10:10There are parental issues.
10:12The kids are suffering for it.
10:14And that, for me, is incredibly sad.
10:18Yeah.
10:20Let's talk about discipline because I know that there's been much heated conversation with regards to what do we do with discipline when we see the kids being disrespectful.
10:29Right.
10:30The pair of you need to be in agreement of discipline.
10:32Right.
10:33This is not to shame or to humiliate.
10:35Discipline is to teach and you both have to follow through on it.
10:39They don't listen.
10:40I say to Ryan, that's it, you're not going outside to play.
10:43And he says, yes, I am.
10:44And he literally walks out the front door.
10:45And then you don't follow through with the consequences that happens for not listening.
10:48And he knows that.
10:50Because you give empty threats, you have to break the mold.
10:54You have to recognize that everything you're familiar with right now has to go out the window.
10:59Because what you're familiar with now, what you're secure with right now is dysfunctional and it's breaking your family.
11:04Chris, I spoke to you in the backyard yesterday when you very openly spoke about your own upbringing and that your father led the household with the decisions.
11:19Yep.
11:20Families have evolved.
11:22Parents have evolved.
11:23It has changed.
11:24Maybe that was an old-fashioned way of looking at things, but it worked.
11:28You know why it worked?
11:29Why?
11:30Because your mother sat back and allowed your father to make those decisions.
11:33Right.
11:34What's wrong with that?
11:35Because you're not married to your mother.
11:37But I always liked the result of that environment.
11:42Get over it.
11:43We're not them.
11:44We have different children.
11:45We are very different.
11:47I work outside of the home a lot.
11:49It's not the same and I'm so tired of being compared to it and hearing about it.
11:52I want to focus on us, on our kids, on our situation, on us.
11:57She's trying to talk to you and you're not listening.
12:02I'm sorry.
12:03I just wanted to change.
12:04Let's move on and talk about yourself, Chris, and Noah.
12:09Your tone, your inflection, the way you are with him.
12:15You're rude.
12:16And I can guarantee you what you are doing right now is breaking his spirit.
12:22I know that you love him, but I know that he doesn't feel that way.
12:29The anger, the yelling is continuous with him.
12:30You expect so much from your kids, yet you are not leading by example of showing when
12:36you are in certain situations, this is how you handle yourself.
12:37You get angry and you yell, then you wonder why they do the same.
12:41You teach them that every day.
12:42It's going to fix it.
12:43Really, I believe this is your last chance.
12:48You're going to both step up to the plate willing to make this work.
12:49There's a lot of stake here.
12:50Mm-hm.
12:51You have me 100%.
12:52I bet you, you're good.
12:53Now you get your family.
12:54How come you are with your kids, yet you are not leading by example of showing when you
13:02are in certain situations this is how you handle yourself.
13:04You get angry and you yell, then you wonder why they do the same.
13:05You teach them that every day.
13:06I got to fix it.
13:07Really, I believe this is your last chance.
13:11You're going to both step up to the plate willing to make this work.
13:16There's a lot of stake here.
13:19You have me 100%, and I expect you both to give each other 100%.
13:25Are we in or are we out?
13:28We're in, absolutely.
13:32The discipline in this house is really all over the place,
13:34because while Dad berates the kids,
13:37Mum pacifies by letting these kids walk all over her.
13:40So what I need to establish first and foremost
13:42are some great house rules.
13:45But as they were writing them down,
13:46one of the rules touched a nerve.
13:48Treat each other with respect.
13:50Will they understand what we mean?
13:51We're going to have to explain it and give them an example.
13:55An example is the operative word here,
13:56because you've not been very good at leading that example with the kids.
14:00You've lost tempers and shouting and yelling,
14:03and they turn around and say, but you don't do it.
14:04You shout at us, but you tell us, and you tell us.
14:08And what do you say?
14:09I'm a father.
14:11Does that give you the right to talk to another human being
14:14that's demoralizing and disrespectful,
14:17and then expect them to show the same respect to you?
14:23Well, what should I say?
14:25You defuse the situation.
14:26Cut it straight off.
14:27Actually, right now, this conversation, I do not appreciate.
14:30Yeah, you can't have a fight if one person refuses to fight.
14:34Correct.
14:34Bringing respect into our home, I think,
14:37is going to make all the difference for Joy and I and all the kids.
14:41There hasn't been a lot of respect in either direction up until now.
14:46So you're both happy with your rules there?
14:48Yes.
14:49Yep, I'm happy.
14:49All right, good.
14:51All right, guys.
14:52Can we have you all come over to the steps?
14:54Now that Mom and Dad have established the rules,
14:56I want them to present a united front
14:59as they convey the rules to the kids.
15:01Noah, what does this say?
15:03Treat everyone with respect.
15:05Do we know what that means to be respectful?
15:07Yeah, who knows what respect means?
15:09To listen when someone's talking.
15:11It felt good to be standing side by side
15:13and explaining to them that these are the rules
15:15and we're going to post them in the house
15:17and this is what we want to be followed
15:18and we're going to stick with it.
15:20Sound good?
15:20Thanks, guys.
15:21Good job.
15:23Later on that afternoon, Ryan broke one of those rules.
15:27You need to listen to me and you need to come in the house.
15:30Which gave Mom the opportunity
15:31to follow through with discipline.
15:33You told him not to go out.
15:35You gave him that warning.
15:37He has to go in timeout.
15:38Okay.
15:42Ryan, you're in timeout right now
15:45because you chose to go outside
15:46even though I asked you not to.
15:48You're going to sit here for seven minutes in timeout.
15:50Set your timer for seven minutes, Joy.
15:54Mom stepped up and followed through
15:56but by no means was it easy.
15:58Doesn't feel good, does it, giving him a timeout?
16:01No, it's hard.
16:02Why?
16:02I don't know.
16:04I feel bad punishing him.
16:06How's he going to learn?
16:08Only if I show him.
16:11Mommy!
16:12Oh, he was furious.
16:17It felt like he's been naughty.
16:18He needs to learn his lesson.
16:19He needs to do the timeout.
16:21He's calling Mommy and he sounds so sad.
16:24Mommy!
16:24And soon enough, Ryan started to test her.
16:28The timer hasn't gone up yet.
16:30No talking, Joy.
16:31There's something he never had.
16:33No talking.
16:34Just reset the alarm.
16:39He was giving her a run for her money
16:42but it was important to step up with that authority.
16:45You cannot give up.
16:47Mommy!
16:50Mommy!
16:50Mommy!
16:54Finally, Ryan sat for seven minutes straight
16:56but he wasn't done testing Mum.
16:58So, explain why he's been put in there.
17:02The next step is for him to apologize.
17:04If he doesn't sincerely apologize for this behavior,
17:07then you're going to walk away for a minute
17:09and you're going to come back.
17:10Okay.
17:10Ryan, you're in timeout because you went outside
17:14when I told you not to.
17:15Can you tell Mommy that you're sorry
17:17that you didn't listen and you went outside?
17:19I can't.
17:20Okay.
17:21Can you take a deep breath and tell me you're sorry?
17:23Ah, you've already asked him.
17:24And he's telling you can't, so I'm going to come back.
17:27You're going to come back.
17:28I'll come back maybe when you're ready.
17:30Okay.
17:31Go back in a minute and then you're like,
17:33you need to tell Mommy you're sorry.
17:34You didn't listen and do as you were told.
17:37Okay?
17:38He's either going to say it or he's not.
17:39Right.
17:40If he doesn't, you obviously need more time
17:41and then you walk away.
17:45Are you ready to say sorry?
17:47I will.
17:48You practically leapt in my arms,
17:49was squeezing me tight and whispering in my ear,
17:51I'm sorry, Mommy, I'm sorry.
17:53Sorry.
17:54Thank you, Ryan.
17:55It's not easy, but it's right.
17:57And you know what?
17:58They will actually appreciate it.
18:03That was okay?
18:05Yeah, it was.
18:06It was almost like saying thank you.
18:08Like he needed that structure.
18:09He needed that discipline.
18:10He needed that from me.
18:20Dad knows that his temper is a huge issue in this family.
18:24And whilst Mom is learning to be more consistent with her discipline,
18:26Dad knows that he needs to learn how to manage his anger.
18:29The reason why I brought you here to this gym is because I want you to get a grip on your anger.
18:35Oh.
18:36Okay.
18:36So that you can start to eliminate this because when you start to get frustrated and you start to get angry,
18:41then everything turns into turmoil.
18:43And we know that it's destructive in the house.
18:45So we're going to do a bit of boxing.
18:47Hi, Dom.
18:48Hey.
18:48Boxing is a great stress reliever.
18:50And it's going to be so important for Dad to do this.
18:54Because proactively, he can manage his anger better.
18:57Might be breaking a sweat, so I need to get you out of these clothes.
18:59Oh, get me out of my clothes?
19:00I'm going to put you in some boxing stuff, okay?
19:02I'll take that.
19:03I'll take that.
19:03Coach Dom was a little intimidating looking.
19:06He's a very strong man.
19:08I wasn't quite sure what he had in store for me.
19:11That's it.
19:13Good?
19:13Hot stove.
19:14Make sure you're touching the hot stove.
19:16There you go.
19:17Hitting the heavy bag felt good.
19:18It felt good to get out whatever was bothering you.
19:22You're not even thinking about it anymore.
19:24And, you know, once you get the technique down, it's a great workout.
19:28Get it out.
19:28Dig into that.
19:30You could see he was exerting all of that energy.
19:35And he felt good for it.
19:37One, two, three, four.
19:39Okay, it's enough.
19:40Good, good.
19:41Real good, real good.
19:42Okay, you all right?
19:43Can we give Dad the pads?
19:45If Dad thought that the fight was over, he was in for a bit of a shock.
19:48That's it.
19:50Good.
19:57Feel that?
19:58Yeah.
20:00You see that?
20:01Yeah.
20:02Imagine that every time you lose it with your kids.
20:07They're getting punched because that is what's happening to them emotionally.
20:12That's tough, right?
20:13Yeah.
20:14It's not fair to them.
20:15The one thing that you can't see is when people are emotionally drained.
20:20They start to withdraw.
20:22They act out.
20:24They start to use bad language.
20:27They become disrespectful.
20:29Right.
20:30An emotional punch, trust me, is worse than that.
20:34When Joe associated the physical punch with an emotional scar, it started to hit home for me.
20:44What, you done with the punching?
20:45I'm tired.
20:45You don't want to take no more?
20:46No, I don't want any more.
20:48Joe's punches are definitely going to be in my mind when I catch myself saying something harsh to the kids.
20:54Because at the end of the day, I don't want them to be emotionally hurt by me.
20:57I know that Dad's not completely there yet, but I'm making progress with him.
21:02Dad knows that his temper has been completely destructive for his family,
21:07and he needs to go about changing things and putting things right.
21:11The first thing he needs to do is work on his relationship with Noah.
21:14I think it's really important that you guys just hang out and have time together.
21:19And we can do that whilst we are building the rockets.
21:24Does it?
21:25Okay, there are instructions in there.
21:27I know.
21:28They're going to learn together how to fix this thing up and let it off.
21:32All right, Dad, come here.
21:33I'll give you a job.
21:35Okay, give me a job.
21:36Assemble the rocket.
21:37Assemble the rocket, okay.
21:39Noah, he just, like, lost his mind.
21:41It's right up his alley.
21:43That's pretty cool.
21:43Put the rocket in backwards.
21:45Are you sure?
21:46I, on the other hand, was a little bit apprehensive about what am I going to bring to the table here.
21:52I vaguely remember this when I was a kid.
21:55You used to do one?
21:56Yeah.
21:56I think I was your age.
21:57I think it was fifth grade.
21:58Put the engine in the hole first.
22:00Perfect.
22:01The beautiful thing about this relationship right now is that the experience gave them the opportunity
22:06to talk to one another, to become closer, which is healing their relationship, putting it right back on track.
22:12What do you want to do when you grow up, Noah?
22:14I don't know.
22:15Engineer.
22:16An engineer?
22:17What kind of engineer would you like to be?
22:18Roll coaster.
22:20Roll coaster design engineer.
22:23That sounds pretty cool.
22:24Yeah, it is.
22:24Given some of the difficulty that Noah and I's relationship has suffered, I think it's really
22:30important that we're now getting an opportunity to spend quality time with one another.
22:35This is pretty cool, man.
22:36Oh, my word.
22:37Isn't that cool?
22:37This is excellent.
22:39What do you think, buddy?
22:39Are you ready?
22:40Do a countdown.
22:40Yes, let's do a countdown.
22:42Yes.
22:42Okay.
22:43Five, four, three, two, one.
22:51Woo!
22:52Wow!
22:53It actually worked!
22:54Oh, that's awesome!
22:56Awesome, Noah!
22:58Cool!
22:59Just to see how happy he was, the look on his face, and what a thrill it was for him to spend
23:04this time with me, you know, that he had a good day.
23:07It was great.
23:08Was it worth it?
23:09Yeah.
23:09Was it worth coming to the park with your dad?
23:11Oh, yeah!
23:11Absolutely.
23:12For real.
23:13It was awesome to shoot off the rocket because I got to spend time with my dad.
23:20You're welcome.
23:21Yes, thank you very much.
23:25The park was a wonderful experience, but there's something to be said when you actually
23:30admit that your behavior's been wrong as a parent and that you put it right.
23:35When you're accountable for where you've been and you take ownership from that, you can
23:38clean the slate, this little boy will grow up and know that, you know what, when he's
23:43not perfect and when he makes mistakes, guess what he can do?
23:46Admit that he's wrong.
23:47Yeah.
23:48Fix it.
23:49I thought that was a great opportunity for me to sit down with him and have a heart to
23:53heart and let him know that things I had done were wrong.
23:56I'm going to want to talk to you for a little while.
23:58I'm going to want to talk to you for a little while.
23:59Why are you crying?
24:00Daddy's a little emotional.
24:03It's because I feel really bad about how I've treated you.
24:11And I was very rough on you.
24:14And, uh, I just wanted to let you know that I was wrong.
24:19Give me your hand.
24:21I was wrong, honey.
24:24I'm sorry.
24:28I'm going to change.
24:31Does that mean no more yelling?
24:34I'm going to talk things out.
24:37Okay?
24:38My dad realizes that he was so tough on me before JoJo came and helped us.
24:46Give a hug, buddy.
24:49It felt great to give Noah a hug.
24:56I want to start fresh with him.
24:58And I want him to know that I'm for real.
25:02It's good.
25:03It's good.
25:04It's good.
25:05Noah needed to hear that.
25:06He needed to see his dad reaching out to him in that way.
25:09You step up and you show it now.
25:11Because we can only keep saying sorry, saying sorry, saying sorry.
25:14You step up and you do what's necessary.
25:16You put the homework in.
25:18Now it's time for Dad to make good on his word.
25:21And if he doesn't control his temper, he's going to lose Noah's trust completely.
25:34There's no rocket tonight, Noah.
25:36The next evening, Mum asked Noah to put his things away.
25:39But he started to give her attitude.
25:41But you said we could do it!
25:43I think you misunderstood that because that's not what was said.
25:47And it was the perfect opportunity for Dad to step back and allow Mum to take the lead when it came to discipline.
25:53Do not call us liars, Noah.
25:55I don't like that at all.
25:56Look at me when I'm talking to you.
25:58If you don't look at me, you're going to go to bed right now.
26:00OK, I want you to go to bed.
26:03I was reading.
26:04You didn't even give me a choice.
26:05You're going to go by the time I count to three.
26:07One.
26:08Don't look at you!
26:09Please!
26:10No, it's over, Noah.
26:11Two.
26:12Noah, please!
26:13Don't look at you!
26:14Three.
26:15You need to go to bed.
26:16You need to go to bed.
26:17No, no, no.
26:18Leave it.
26:19Let him make a decision.
26:20He has to walk himself up to his bedroom.
26:22Otherwise, he will lose this spaceship.
26:25Come here for a minute.
26:28What's your next move?
26:30I don't know because I can't pick him up and bring him upstairs.
26:33Do you know what?
26:34You're going to have to learn to handle Noah.
26:35Mm-hmm.
26:36So you'll go over, and you'll say to him, you've lost your spaceship.
26:40Mm-hmm.
26:41OK, if he doesn't go upstairs.
26:43Are you going to listen to me and go up into your room, or I have to make the decision?
26:46Um...
26:47I can't trust you, though.
26:48Tell me why I can't trust you.
26:49When did I...
26:50What are you talking about?
26:51It's negotiation.
26:52If Joe weren't there, it would have been the old pattern of debating with Noah and arguing
26:59with Noah as he continued to plead.
27:01I suggest right now you listen to what your mother's saying, because she's about to make
27:05a decision for you if you don't listen to her.
27:08So that means I'm going to have to take the rocket away.
27:11Excuse me.
27:12Oh, no.
27:13You haven't shown me that.
27:14I already said that.
27:15No, no.
27:16Come over here for a minute.
27:17I don't want to get into a fight with him.
27:18Don't get into a fight.
27:19What you are going to do is take the rocket, because he's been told that he can't have
27:26the rocket.
27:27OK?
27:28If he fights you over that, then it's going to break.
27:31Over go.
27:32Go and get it.
27:33Go and get it.
27:34A lot of times, I'd be called in to discipline.
27:38And to see her stand on her own, it's good to see.
27:41I'm done.
27:45I'll give a treat of that.
27:48I think that mom did a fantastic job.
27:50Noah is aware that when you disrespect, there are consequences.
27:55And she took his spaceship away, and he had to go straight to bed.
27:59I'll be back in several days.
28:06Joy?
28:07I feel very nervous about Joe going.
28:09But I'm just going to try really hard to keep hearing her voice and doing the things
28:13that she's shown me.
28:14Listen.
28:15Hold it down.
28:16Hold it down with your temper.
28:18I'm not going to lie.
28:19I don't want her to go.
28:20If I am not able to keep my anger in check, it'll be disastrous, really.
28:31When I first met the Potter family, they had some critical issues to deal with.
28:35Dad had no control over his temper.
28:38Get over here!
28:39And mom was just fed up with it.
28:41I just wanted to cheat.
28:43Over the last few days, though, have they taken my advice?
28:46That's yet to be seen.
28:47Hello.
28:48Hi.
28:49Hey, Joel.
28:51Look what I brought.
28:52Oh.
28:53Oh, boy.
28:54So, we're going to start off taking a look at bike rides.
28:58What would you rather do, like, for the next activity?
29:01Build a go-kart.
29:03Build a go-kart?
29:04Yeah.
29:05It's funny you should say that.
29:06I was actually talking about this with mommy the other day.
29:08You ever going to buy one?
29:09Well, maybe.
29:10What kind of go-kart?
29:11Like a single person?
29:12Oh, a two-seater, so you can take your brothers around.
29:14I want at least a six horsepower engine.
29:16Why?
29:17What's so good about a six horsepower?
29:19It goes faster, and it has better grip.
29:21Like torque.
29:22Oh, really?
29:23Yeah.
29:24Torque.
29:25All right, cool.
29:26It's wonderful to actually see you taking that bike ride with Noah.
29:29I'm liking what I'm seeing, and it's a really good start to healing your relationship with him.
29:34Very pleased here.
29:35We'll move on to the next piece here.
29:37Oh, honey.
29:38It's all the way over here.
29:39Still not eating it.
29:40Noah.
29:41I'll eat something later.
29:42Noah, you didn't eat enough.
29:44Hey, Noah?
29:45You're not hungry?
29:46No, I'm not.
29:47You cannot tell that?
29:48What I'm trying to do is have a conversation with you, and I want to establish that we both
30:00understand each other.
30:01You're asking me a question to get his answer.
30:03Okay, so what I'm hearing is you're not hungry.
30:07We're going to have ice cream after we're done with our dinner.
30:11Fine.
30:12And you will not be having ice cream.
30:13Fine.
30:14You're understanding that?
30:15Yeah.
30:16Okay.
30:17What I'm pleased to see is how you've composed yourself.
30:20Yeah, that's a huge difference.
30:22You were very patient and matter-of-fact.
30:24Oh, good.
30:25All right.
30:26The way that was handled, what a difference, Chris.
30:29What a difference.
30:30And the fact that you've stepped up is incredibly promising, and only your hard work in continuing
30:38to be conscious of the way you behave and how you deal with it, is what is going to lead
30:43to successful parenting, and certainly a much more happier marriage.
30:46Absolutely.
30:47You're feeling that way, right?
30:48Oh, yeah.
30:49Absolutely.
30:50Let's take a look at mom's discipline.
30:53You're being a poor sport.
30:55Do not hit him.
30:56Do not hit.
30:57This is your warning.
30:58If you hit him again, you will go to timeout, Alyssa.
31:00I do.
31:01Yeah.
31:02Don't please her.
31:03Don't.
31:04Now she has to go to timeout.
31:06You're in timeout because I told you not to hit, and you hit Ryan again anyway.
31:12You're in timeout for four minutes.
31:15Nice.
31:16I think I'm getting it.
31:19I'm just gonna check on her.
31:21You need to stay seated, honey.
31:25Aw.
31:26Mommy put you in timeout, so mommy's gonna take you out.
31:30I'm just telling you to stay seated.
31:32All right.
31:33Thank you, honey.
31:34Thank you, honey.
31:35Can I get ice cream now?
31:37Without being toasted.
31:38No.
31:39No.
31:40No.
31:41Don't go have a conversation with her.
31:42I just was seeing she was up right now.
31:43You're classifying her.
31:44You're thanking her.
31:45Without being toasted.
31:46Without being toasted.
31:47Sorry.
31:49It's so funny.
31:50You can't help yourself, can you?
31:51You can't help yourself.
31:52Look, let's talk about the serious side of that.
31:54Yeah.
31:55Yeah.
31:56This kind of interfering is undermining mom in a big way.
32:00Right.
32:01You have to allow Joy to discipline and hold that authority in front of you as an equal.
32:07And these kids need to see that so that they respect Joy.
32:10So no undermining.
32:11Okay?
32:12Okay.
32:13Let's continue with discipline.
32:14Let's continue with discipline.
32:15Alexa.
32:16Your timeout is over.
32:17You were in timeout because I told you not to hit and you hit Ryan anyway.
32:28Can you say you're sorry?
32:29I can't.
32:30Can you give me a hug?
32:31Give me a hug.
32:32Okay.
32:33Joy, that was a very good example of doing the naughty step and following through with
32:42the steps.
32:43Warning, follow through, hugs and kisses, let's move on.
32:47So, I'd like to acknowledge that there's been some really, really good work here.
32:52Some really, really good work.
32:53But there's still stuff that we do need to work on.
32:56Because when I leave, you don't have somebody saying, hold on a minute.
33:00You have each other.
33:01It's how you support one another.
33:02That's going to be incredibly important.
33:04Right.
33:05The Potter family have truly made a lot of progress.
33:09And although some of that behavior has been incredibly negative, I think it's about time
33:13that this family started to acknowledge the positives going on.
33:17So, what I have here are paper chains.
33:23Because we are going to make chains of acknowledgement.
33:26We are going to write down what we see as being better.
33:30And when we write that down, we are then going to make a chain.
33:35Let me tell you, you're going to have a nice healthy chain.
33:38Awesome, guys.
33:39In a couple of months.
33:40Very long.
33:41Noah, name one thing that you've seen in this house that's different because it's better now.
33:48No more yelling.
33:49No more yelling.
33:50Chris, what have you seen?
33:52Happy kids.
33:54You've got to write it down on your chain.
33:56They all had a chance to voice what they felt was really good about the family right now.
34:03It seemed like all the kids right away were really excited about the acknowledgement chain.
34:07They all wanted to have a part in it and to build their own piece of the chain.
34:11And I think they're thrilled.
34:13You guys are doing so well.
34:15We absolutely will continue writing down all the good things that happened.
34:20I mean, everybody, you know, can wag your finger at you when you're doing something wrong,
34:24but it's really great to hear when you're doing something good.
34:28Look at it already.
34:29Look at this.
34:30That's pretty cool.
34:31This is pretty neat.
34:32I think it's going to be a great thing for this family to actually do this acknowledgement chain
34:35and start to just make it longer and longer.
34:41I do still have one more important job to do,
34:43and that's to make sure that both mum and dad can reach out to one another
34:47so they can be solid as a couple.
34:49I feel like we're in a different place at the moment.
34:51We're in a much different place.
34:53We're both just...
34:55Everybody's happier.
34:57It's like a black cloud that's gone away.
35:00What do you feel about going in and acknowledging to Chris
35:04how the work he's put in has made an impact on you?
35:10I think it would mean a lot to him.
35:12They certainly have worked very hard together,
35:15and they've been willing to work towards making everything much better than what it was.
35:20Well, can I interrupt you for a minute?
35:22Yes, you may.
35:23I just wanted to tell you that...
35:29Sorry.
35:30It's okay.
35:31I'm really, really proud of you,
35:36because you have shown me the man that I always knew that you could be.
35:41You've changed already so much, and I really am so proud of you.
35:49Oh, thank you, honey.
35:50So thank you.
35:53It was really great to hear Joy say that she saw the improvements that I had made in my attitude,
36:02and even though she was crying, it was a good feeling.
36:05I see the difference already, too.
36:08And it feels good.
36:10I think Chris is a very wonderful example of how you can change old behavior patterns
36:16that have been festering for years if you actually make up your mind that you're ready to make that change.
36:25All right, now you've got the nanny crying, because now that's it.
36:28Shed the tissues now, seriously.
36:29We love you.
36:30Oh, my word.
36:31I'm all tearful and emotional.
36:33I'm so happy for you both.
36:34Seriously?
36:36Seeing Jo get choked up really, really touched the both of us.
36:40And for her to be able to see that what she did really worked and really, really helped us and really changed us,
36:47it was very powerful.
36:49Compose yourself, Jo.
36:51I still have work to do.
36:53Now, you go on these emotional journeys with these families, you know,
36:56you feel so much empathy and compassion, and you really want it to work out.
37:03I don't want to say goodbye.
37:05No, no.
37:06It's been so great that you came here.
37:08Goodbye, Jo.
37:09I can't thank you enough for the tough love that you gave me.