- há 7 semanas
With Joe working long hours as an attorney, Danielle is left all alone at home to take care of the kids. JJ is a strong-willed active three years old with a three going on thirteen attitude, but he also can be very physical and aggressive.
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00:00I'm in Melbourne, Florida, ready to help a family who seriously need my help, so why
00:04don't we take a look?
00:05Hi, we're the Colombo family.
00:07I'm Joe.
00:08I'm Danielle.
00:09We have three children.
00:10Carlo is four, JJ is three, and Julia is one.
00:14I'm a local attorney.
00:16I get home late quite often.
00:17Don't push her.
00:19I'm a stay-at-home mom.
00:20The kids are with me most of the day.
00:22Hey, Carlo, Carlo, Carlo.
00:25My life is very hard right now because everyone is doing different things.
00:29Having meltdowns at different times, it's incredibly stressful, and it's very taxing.
00:36Carlo has what I call the scree.
00:38Oh, my word.
00:42I put my earplugs.
00:44It really just takes your breath away.
00:47JJ is definitely the boss around here.
00:56It's a ball of wild energy.
00:58Hey, don't pull here.
00:59Hey.
01:00JJ.
01:01He has quite a bit of a temper.
01:02Oh, yeah.
01:03Stop.
01:04Don't try to hit me.
01:05Hey, no hitting.
01:06Hey.
01:07He hits.
01:08Hey, stop.
01:09Kicks.
01:10You trying to kick me?
01:11Slaps.
01:12Stop.
01:13Pinches.
01:14Ah, JJ.
01:15Screams.
01:16Stop.
01:17And he's only three.
01:18You've got to be kidding.
01:20You're going to stay on here.
01:22Two minutes.
01:23For discipline, I try to do the naughty step, but JJ kicks down the baby gate, so I do the
01:28naughty room.
01:29You're not dead.
01:30You have to come down.
01:31You have to come down.
01:32Why are you making this so long and drawn out?
01:36Go back.
01:37This is not the naughty step I know.
01:40I'm kind of big with the finger.
01:41Don't do that.
01:42Hey.
01:43No bad words.
01:44Uh-oh.
01:45Serious.
01:46This family is not doing discipline.
01:49I don't care what they're saying.
01:51Quiet and eat.
01:52JJ, come on.
01:53Stop.
01:54All right.
01:55Let's go.
01:56Dinners at our house are an uncontrolled circus.
01:58You guys are acting like wild animals.
02:00Screaming, getting up, running around.
02:02If you stay in your chair and just have three more bites, you can be done, JJ.
02:06Carlo is also a very picky eater.
02:08Yeah, I don't make those.
02:09He actually will almost vomit if it's something that he does not want to eat.
02:13Oh, Carlo's just messing around here.
02:15That's got to stop.
02:16Listen, I'm done.
02:17I'm done.
02:18I'm done.
02:19I'm running, constantly going, never stopping.
02:22I've never been able to come up for air.
02:24Oh.
02:25I desperately want to give each child the time that they deserve, but it's not happening.
02:29Oh, my goodness.
02:30Now, this is a mom who's seriously exhausted and torn in every direction.
02:35JJ?
02:38Our life right now is complete chaos.
02:41No hitting.
02:42No hitting.
02:43No hitting.
02:44No, hey, hey, hey.
02:45Are you going to say sorry?
02:46We need some calm.
02:47My brain can't take any more.
02:48Super Nanny, please help us take control back from the kids.
02:51Mom and Dad, hold on in there because your kids are ruling roost and that's got to stop.
02:55I'll see you soon.
02:56Hello.
02:57Hiya.
02:58Pleased to meet you.
02:59Mama's really need my help.
03:00She grabbed onto me for dear life.
03:01Who have we got here?
03:02Hello.
03:03So this is JJ.
03:04Hi, JJ.
03:05Pleased to meet you.
03:06Hi, Carlo.
03:07Pleased to meet you.
03:08How are you?
03:09Hi, Carlo.
03:10Pleased to meet you.
03:11Mama's really need my help.
03:12She grabbed onto me for dear life.
03:14Who have we got here?
03:15Hello.
03:16So this is JJ.
03:17Hi, JJ.
03:18Pleased to meet you.
03:19Hi, Carlo.
03:20Pleased to meet you.
03:21How are you?
03:22Hi, Julia.
03:23She's a busy one.
03:24She is.
03:25Is Joseph at work?
03:26Yes, he is.
03:27Joseph works very long hours and mum stays at home with the kids and I can tell that's
03:32a lot for her to handle.
03:33One of the first things I noticed when I entered the house was a list of rules on the wall.
03:45But what happens when one of these rules get broken?
03:47How long have the rules been up there, Danielle?
03:49Forever.
03:50What do you do when they break them?
03:51The naughty room.
03:52It's just not working for me very well.
03:55I wasn't in the house long at all and JJ broke one of the rules and I got to see exactly
04:00why the naughty room doesn't work for Danielle.
04:06Do not scream at me.
04:07Do not scream at me.
04:08If you scream at me one more time, you're going in the naughty room.
04:11What kind of a warning is that?
04:13Mum was talking to the back of his head.
04:15Where did she learn that from?
04:16I did not make you fall, JJ.
04:18Come on.
04:19Yes, you did.
04:20Alright, here we go.
04:30Come on.
04:31Nashi, where you learnt this technique?
04:33Uh, your show.
04:34My show.
04:35You learnt this.
04:36No, not this.
04:37Watching me.
04:38No.
04:39I tried.
04:40I'm trying.
04:41I do try my hardest to do the naughty room, but I've never truly followed through.
04:51Three minutes.
04:53Stay.
04:54Stay in there.
04:55It's like my technique.
04:56I don't know who this is.
04:57With JJ in the naughty room, Mum checked on Carlo, which gave Mum and I a chance to have
05:02a little chat.
05:03So, what did you do before motherhood?
05:04Funny enough, I taught anger management for children.
05:05Excuse me?
05:06I did.
05:07Obviously, it's been lost to me.
05:08I don't know.
05:09It's like, it was another lifetime.
05:10Did you teach any other parenting classes?
05:11I taught parent education.
05:12Excuse me?
05:13I did.
05:14Obviously, it's been lost to me.
05:15I don't know.
05:16It's like, it was another lifetime.
05:18Did you teach any other parenting classes?
05:20I taught parent education.
05:21Excuse me?
05:22Parent education you taught?
05:23Yes, I did.
05:24Oh, did you forget that as well?
05:25Yeah.
05:26And then, JJ started throwing insults to her from the other room.
05:32And you could see that this was winding Mum up.
05:35I just can't handle it.
05:36Stop screaming.
05:37Mom, I'm stupid.
05:40JJ, every time you keep saying that, I'm going to start it again.
05:43Okay?
05:44Stop saying bad words to me.
05:45Idiot.
05:46Idiot.
05:47Stupid.
05:48Mommy.
05:49The bad words never stopped.
05:54The screaming never stopped.
05:55I did not know what to do.
05:58It broke me.
05:59I can see the frustration.
06:00What is it that is running for your head right now?
06:02I have her down here and him there and him there.
06:06It's just, how do you keep them all in one spot?
06:09Discipline.
06:10She's what I call wrapped up in the tornado.
06:15JJ, just finished three minutes.
06:19Oh, it's a bad situation when you're begging your kid to stay in timeout.
06:24Well, just don't, don't kick me.
06:27Do not kick me.
06:29If Mum really knew my technique, she would know no communication.
06:34But she keeps going back and getting more abuse.
06:37This is wearing her down.
06:39Do you remember when you used to do those parenting educational classes?
06:50And those parents used to come in frustrated?
06:52Yes.
06:53What would you tell them?
06:54That they needed to have time for themselves to relieve the stress a little bit.
06:59But you're sitting there saying, yeah, how do I do that when I'm at home with the kids all day?
07:04And it's me with three of them, right?
07:06Yes.
07:07Yes.
07:08Danielle needs to take her own advice.
07:10She needs to hold herself together because if she doesn't, the whole household is going to spiral out of control.
07:21Three minutes.
07:22Stay.
07:23Danielle was trying to enforce discipline with JJ.
07:26Stupid!
07:27But the whole process is just wearing her down.
07:30Do you feel guilty that you've put him in timeout?
07:32No.
07:33I feel frustrated.
07:34That he just won't.
07:38I certainly don't feel guilty.
07:49Can we please just do three minutes?
07:51This is like what I don't know.
07:52I mean, is it done?
07:53Is it done?
07:54Is it?
07:55I don't know.
07:56It was a frustrating place for mum to be.
07:59She's angry.
08:00She's upset.
08:01Her kids won't listen.
08:02She feels that she's doing everything possible to make it better.
08:06And yet, this woman has serious issues that need to be resolved.
08:09And that's my job.
08:15Okay, come on.
08:17And eventually, mum gave up.
08:19JJ didn't do his three minutes.
08:21I mean, she just couldn't take it anymore.
08:23Wow.
08:28Nice to finally meet you.
08:29Hi, Ross. Nice to meet you.
08:30Nice to meet you.
08:31Finally.
08:32Later on in the afternoon, dad came home and I was really keen to get his take on the issues
08:35with the kids.
08:36Are you good at dealing with discipline?
08:37It's just...
08:38It's just Danielle that needs help with you.
08:40No, no. I need help.
08:41It's kind of the same way that we're not disciplinarians, that's for sure.
08:46After dad set the kids up with a computer game, he told me about why he finds it so difficult
08:51to do discipline.
08:52I don't discipline them as much as I should because, like, I come home and I just...
08:55I kind of want peace.
08:57If they start...
08:58Especially the younger ones says bad words.
09:00I don't ignore it, but I mean, I don't, you know...
09:02I certainly don't...
09:03I don't put them...
09:04I put them in time out once in a while, but then if that doesn't work, I just kind of give up.
09:07Yeah, I'm sure every dad would like to come home to a peaceful household.
09:10But at the end of the day, he's got kids who need attention from him
09:13and a wife who's been dealing with these kids all day.
09:16Yeah, good luck with that one.
09:18Oh, hello.
09:19After talking to dad, I went outside to see how mum was getting on with dinner.
09:22So what are you actually cooking for the family tonight?
09:25You all eating the same thing, or...?
09:26I would like it to have just been the steak taco, but I'm figuring that's probably not going
09:30to go over too well, so I'm cooking some chicken also.
09:34Is that just fruit choice, or, I mean, are you a force to do that?
09:37Oh, yeah, no, I would probably just do chicken.
09:39Or do the steak, but...
09:41So what's the reason, then, for...?
09:43Carla's probably not going to like the seasoning on the steak, possibly.
09:46You know, there's a little bit of seasoning on it.
09:48Dinners at our house consist of...
09:50Carla usually refusing to eat something or everything.
09:53So why not just order chicken tonight, then, and not the steak?
09:57That's a good question. You're right.
10:00Should have just been the chicken. It would have made things easier.
10:02Oh, it could have been the steak, but without the seasoning.
10:05Right.
10:06Mum's so overwhelmed.
10:07I don't even think she knows what she's doing for dinner.
10:10I mean, is it steak?
10:11Is it chicken?
10:12I mean, what is it?
10:13Carla, can you please leave that there?
10:14Leave that there.
10:16Carla, leave it there.
10:18Let's have steak.
10:20There it is.
10:21Mum told me that Carla wouldn't eat the steak.
10:23So why is she giving him steak?
10:25And why is she giving him so much steak?
10:28What came next was no surprise.
10:34Carla, what is the problem?
10:38Are you sick?
10:39I feel sick.
10:40Oh, that's ridiculous. Come on, stop it.
10:41Mum didn't persevere with the steak.
10:43She gave up.
10:44And then she gave Carla chicken.
10:46So what was the whole point?
10:48I love it.
10:49Oh, that's great.
10:50Good boy.
10:51All right.
10:52However, Carlo didn't want to eat that either.
10:54And now both kids are up from the table.
10:56Dad!
10:57JJ.
11:02So everyone's done now, is that right?
11:04It looks that way.
11:06With dinner apparently over, I'd seen all I needed to see.
11:09The next morning, I wanted to get back
11:12so that I can have a family meeting with my mum and dad.
11:15Hi.
11:16The thought of the parent meeting is making me want to run through the hills.
11:20Based upon the observation day,
11:22yeah, I'm not saying that the meeting is going to go so great.
11:25I want to talk firstly about time management,
11:28so that the kids get the best from you, you get the best from the kids.
11:32You have no framework.
11:34How do you know what's coming next?
11:35How do the kids know what's coming next?
11:37How does it create stability?
11:39I try to put some structure to the day.
11:41I try to do certain times of the day, craft time and this time.
11:44I think the word try here is quite key.
11:47But it is a lot to do in the day. It's a lot.
11:50At this stage, I don't know what you want me to do.
11:52Give you a medal?
11:53I'm not asking for a medal. I'm just saying it.
11:54It's not like I'm just sitting on the couch and watching TV all day.
11:57You know?
11:58Just be real about it.
11:59Oh, I'm being real.
12:00You're not.
12:01Because if you were being real about it,
12:03you would recognize that your defensive attitude right now
12:06is coming from a place of not accepting where you're at.
12:10The reality is that your time is not being utilized properly.
12:15I mean, it's left the kids with having no direction,
12:18no focus, because you guys are not focused.
12:21Yeah.
12:22Let's move on to discipline.
12:25Do you really want to do discipline?
12:27I mean, do you really core believe that it's important
12:30to discipline your kids?
12:31Yes.
12:32I definitely do.
12:33I believe you right now.
12:34Because your actions speak louder than your words.
12:37You're unwilling right now to follow through a correct discipline.
12:42And, Jo, you just avoid it altogether.
12:46Yeah.
12:47Those rules up there, they stand for nothing
12:50because there are no consequences.
12:53Right.
12:54Let's talk about dinner time.
12:56OK.
12:57There's no table manners.
12:58Right.
12:59Sure.
13:00And Carlo's food is a problem because he's become picky.
13:04Why do you think he's got this bad?
13:06We'd probably let him get away with it for this long.
13:09Obviously, I should just make him eat what he's going to eat,
13:11but I end up giving in.
13:13I do.
13:14You've created these bad eating habits.
13:20Danielle, I truthfully believe that you don't enjoy parenthood right now.
13:25You're obviously wanting something that you feel that you don't get.
13:30What do you need?
13:33What do I need?
13:36Oh, God.
13:41What are you craving right now?
13:44Uh, purpose, you know?
13:46I need to be involved in something.
13:48You know, I just need to be using my brain.
13:50You're isolated.
13:51Oh, definitely.
13:52And there's nothing wrong in feeling that.
13:54You need that stimulation.
13:57Yeah, that's definitely true.
13:59All right, so enough of the talk.
14:01Right.
14:02OK, I want to see action.
14:03So are we on board?
14:04Yes, definitely.
14:05All right, good.
14:06I'm ready.
14:07All right, let's get moving then.
14:09Thank you so much.
14:15This family certainly have a lot of challenges.
14:17First things first, we need to create a daily routine
14:20so that mom can be focused and manage her time better.
14:23What I ask people to do is to look at the cornerstones,
14:26the things that are cemented in there because of necessity.
14:29So let's put in the first cornerstone here,
14:31which would be their school.
14:32OK.
14:33Danielle had told me that she never had a minute to spare,
14:36but actually, as we did the routine,
14:37she had an enlightening discovery.
14:39How much time is there floating around between when you drop
14:41the kids off to school and when you have to pick them up?
14:43Good two and a half, three hours.
14:44How about that?
14:46It usually feels like I have five minutes to get everything done,
14:50but no, no, it was two and a half hours.
14:53That's a big difference.
14:58Discipline has been a major issue in this house
15:02because it doesn't exist.
15:03JJ.
15:04Later on in the day, JJ started to kick off,
15:06and as Dad was dealing with Julia,
15:08I wanted to help Mom brush up on her discipline skills.
15:12JJ.
15:13Do not scream at Mommy.
15:14Oh!
15:15You do not hit me.
15:16Do not scream.
15:17Stop it!
15:18You kick me, you're going to the naughty room.
15:20I gave you a warning not to hit Mommy,
15:22and you kicked and hurt Mommy again.
15:24No, you didn't.
15:25No, you didn't.
15:26There was no warning.
15:27There was no do not kick me,
15:29otherwise you're going to go into timeout.
15:31OK.
15:32All right, let's start over again here.
15:34Come down to his level.
15:35Have that command in your voice,
15:37low speech pattern, OK?
15:38But before Mom could finish her warning,
15:40JJ scurried underneath the bed.
15:43JJ, come out here now.
15:45JJ, this is your warning.
15:47Come out here now.
15:48If you do not come out here now,
15:49I will put you in the naughty room.
15:50JJ, I told you to come out here,
15:52and you didn't listen.
15:54You're going to the naughty room.
15:56Don't talk.
15:57Just take him there.
15:59JJ, you're going to stay in here for three minutes.
16:02Where's the communication?
16:03You're talking to the back of his head.
16:04When it gets too crazy,
16:06you're screaming.
16:07There's craziness.
16:08I mean, my...
16:09I just go blank.
16:10You're going to be in a timeout
16:11because you're kicking me
16:12and trying to hurt me.
16:13You do not hurt your mother.
16:14You do not hurt anyone.
16:15Stop it.
16:16Timeout.
16:17Mommy!
16:18And it wasn't long before JJ
16:19left the naughty room.
16:20It wasn't long before JJ
16:21left the naughty room.
16:22It wasn't long before JJ
16:23left the naughty room.
16:24It wasn't long before JJ
16:26left the naughty room.
16:28JJ back in the room.
16:29I wanted to talk to mum
16:30about how she deals with the other kids
16:31when she's doing discipline.
16:32So, you've got the little one.
16:33Yes.
16:34And you need to do a timeout.
16:35Right.
16:36Obviously.
16:37So, you need to think about
16:38how you're going to do that.
16:39Probably do is just put her in her crib
16:40so I can deal with him.
16:41Yeah.
16:42Keep her there.
16:43He did it.
16:44It's finished.
16:45He did finish it.
16:46Okay, so you've made a decision
16:47that you're going to put her in the crib
16:48for now while you do that.
16:49Yes.
16:50Now that mum's worked out how she's
16:51going to handle the situation,
16:52all she needs to do is follow through.
16:53You got sent to the naughty room
16:54for kicking and hurting mommy.
16:55You can get out of the room
16:56when you say sorry to mommy nicely.
16:57Sorry!
16:58Hey.
16:59Come on.
17:00Okay, so you've made a decision that you're going to put her in the crib for now while you do that.
17:03Yes.
17:04Now that mum's worked out how she's going to handle the situation,
17:06all she needs to do is follow through.
17:09You got sent to the naughty room for kicking and hurting mummy.
17:12You can get out of the room when you say sorry to mummy nicely.
17:23Okay.
17:24Come on.
17:25Finally, after mum doing timeout wrong for years, she followed through and JJ did a timeout.
17:37It was a huge sense of accomplishment to finish JJ's first timeout.
17:41To know that, okay, we've got the plan and we're putting it in action.
17:45The ball is rolling.
17:47Mum has to deal with the kids 90% of the time and she does need a break.
17:52So having dad do some activities with the kids when he comes home from work would be a good thing.
17:56I have brought this brother box in.
18:00Inside, there is card and pen.
18:03And what we are going to do together is create ideas for you all to play together when you come home.
18:10All right, guys.
18:11JJ, I'm going to ask you first, what game would you like to play with daddy when daddy comes home?
18:15The boys came up with some of their games.
18:17You want to be the robot and I want to be the robot.
18:20All right.
18:21And then Joe thought up a couple of games.
18:23There's hide and seek.
18:24Hide and seek.
18:27Now daddy has to think of an idea.
18:28What did you play as a kid?
18:30Soldiers, like army rangers and all, you know, dressed up like soldiers.
18:34Soon the brother box was full of ideas and it's going to keep dad and the boys busy for quite some time.
18:39After lunch, it was sleep time for JJ and Julia and time for mum to take a break.
18:48After 45 minutes, though, I was wondering whether JJ had fallen asleep.
18:52So JJ, fast asleep now?
18:54Yes.
18:54He sure is.
18:56Why don't we go and check and make sure they're all up?
18:58And unfortunately, JJ was wide awake.
19:01JJ, come on.
19:02It's your nap time.
19:04I wanted mum to stick to the routine.
19:06But as JJ hadn't fallen asleep and nap time was nearly over, I suggested to her that he just rest and be in his room.
19:13But mum was having none of it.
19:15I'm going to let him sleep an hour when he goes to sleep.
19:17Right, so then guess what happens to your routine?
19:18My whole routine goes out the window.
19:20But you've gone past your routine and now everything is turned upside down.
19:25I don't agree with you.
19:26No, I don't want him to sit in his room quietly.
19:28He needs to sleep.
19:29He cannot make it through the day being this tired.
19:32It's just he can't.
19:33I mean, you know, we're just aggravating the situation being in here.
19:37I was trying to reason with Danielle, but she just shut down and refused to listen.
19:41If he falls asleep, by the time your hour's done...
19:44Gosh.
19:45Ugh.
19:47I find that disrespectful what you're doing right now.
19:49Well, I find it torturing to him for no reason.
19:52Don't.
19:52What, because he decided to stay?
19:53Okay, listen, you are not going to tell mommy or call mommy a bad name.
19:57This is your warning.
19:58Do not call mommy a bad name.
19:59And this is just what it's going to do, of course.
20:00It's just going to make him wild and crazy all day.
20:02Yes, it is.
20:03He was.
20:03This is so obvious.
20:05It's just going to make him crazy and all the timeouts and all that stuff.
20:07I mean, he needs a nap.
20:09If it was different, if he...
20:11Excuse me, will you calm down?
20:12Okay, but if...
20:13No, not okay.
20:14I'm talking to you.
20:15And I find, excuse me, I find that very disrespectful.
20:17Okay, I'm sorry.
20:18I'm sorry.
20:19I really do.
20:19We're two adults here.
20:21But I find it disrespectful to him what we're doing right now, so I'm getting very upset.
20:26To have someone coming in and try to just totally change the way you live, it's just maddening.
20:31It was on.
20:32It was on.
20:33I'm here trying to work with you.
20:35I'm not saying you have to agree with everything I'm saying.
20:37Right.
20:37I'm just asking you that when you are mad...
20:39And now, of course, us talking here has woke her up.
20:43It was nap time for JJ.
20:46However, after 45 minutes, JJ wasn't asleep.
20:49JJ.
20:50And instead of sticking to the routine, Mum wanted him to sleep for another hour.
20:54It's just going to make him crazy and all the timeouts and all that stuff.
20:57I mean, he needs a nap.
20:58Change is happening.
21:00And you either go with it or you fight it.
21:03And that's what I was seeing from Mum.
21:05There are times that he will sleep.
21:07There are times that he won't sleep.
21:09There are times that he's quite happy in his room by himself playing, and that's wonderful.
21:14You need it more because you're the one who's overwhelmed and needs to get everything in place.
21:19OK.
21:20I disagree.
21:22We disagree.
21:23Listen, as a parent, you will be burnt out if you don't honour the fact that you have to sometimes just sit down as well.
21:29You know, just to be able to put your feet up and have a cup of coffee.
21:32And you know what, you're entitled to do it.
21:34Right.
21:35And that's where you're at, and I acknowledge that.
21:37I think Mum's really realised that actually sticking to the routine is best.
21:41It allows her to have the breaks that are necessary so that she's rested and whatever the kids throw at her, she can deal with.
21:48When you're overwhelmed, the noise and everything else is too much.
21:53It's too much.
21:54And that's a really good indicator that the body needs to just take five.
21:58It dawned on me what she was kind of getting at.
22:00You know, sometimes you really do need a relief or a break.
22:03I apologise for getting upset.
22:04No, no, no one thing.
22:06I'm here because I have the honour helping you in your home with your family and your children.
22:12And everything I do and say is because I care.
22:16Right.
22:16But the importance is sticking with you when you're going through it, okay?
22:20Because I care.
22:21Because I care.
22:22Jo stepped on very shaky ground.
22:25But knowing that she was doing that in an attempt to help me, I really appreciated it.
22:35Danielle's had a really tough time getting Carlo to eat at dinner time.
22:38So I want to sit down and go through a few tips that's going to help her.
22:43Carlo, I'd like you to eat one piece of your broccoli and I'd like you to eat a piece of steak.
22:49It's really important to give children clear expectations of what they're to eat.
22:53This is the chosen piece and that's the piece of broccoli and a couple of spoonfuls of polenta.
22:58And now that Carlo knew what he had to eat, it was up to mum and dad to follow through.
23:03If you're not doing what we've told you, then you're breaking the rules.
23:05Correct.
23:06And if you're breaking the rules, that means you go into a timeout.
23:08That's right, mummy.
23:08That's right.
23:09Really, really, really, really don't like it.
23:12But you really need to eat it.
23:13Mm-mm.
23:15Well, if you're not eating it, that's your choice.
23:16You're going into a timeout.
23:19Mum was spot on for giving Carlo a timeout for refusing to eat.
23:23And it's really important for Carlo to see that mum needs business.
23:28And four minutes later, Carlo was allowed to get back at the table.
23:31But then he started to make excuses.
23:34Get me the broccoli.
23:35I'm going to eat it.
23:37I don't like it.
23:38Want a little bite of polenta?
23:39Come on.
23:39No, you've got to try the polenta.
23:41Come on.
23:41You've got to eat that one bite.
23:43Dad was getting absolutely nowhere negotiating with Carlo.
23:47So I nipped this straight in the bud.
23:49If you don't eat that soupful of polenta, by the time I count to five, you're going straight into timeout.
23:57Do you understand me?
23:58One.
24:00Two.
24:01Three.
24:09You're putting that last piece in your mouth, because I'm counting to five and I'm at three.
24:13Because trust me, I will put you in timeout.
24:19But Carlo had one last trick up his sleeve.
24:24The wonderful event occurred.
24:27The spitting up at the table.
24:28Carlo, that's not true.
24:32You were sick so that you didn't have to put any more in your mouth.
24:36You need a forkful.
24:38Eat it.
24:39Okay?
24:39And then you can get down and play.
24:40Just take a smaller bite.
24:42Come on, baby.
24:43There you go.
24:44Come on.
24:45All right.
24:45Good.
24:46But we held him to it, and he ate the rest, and it was gone.
24:49He did it.
24:50He did it.
24:52Give me five.
24:53Oh, good five.
24:54All right.
24:55All right.
24:55Yes!
24:56I'm so...
24:57I'm so...
24:58I'm so...
24:58Mum's done well so far, and I'm so pleased.
25:02However, I want to make sure that Carlo's eating habits don't throw off this family's routine
25:05in the evening.
25:07Set your dinner time for 30 minutes.
25:10If after 30 minutes you're still struggling, you take the plate away, he gets nothing, and
25:15he misses out on the activity that's happening that evening.
25:18The 30-minute dinner time makes me anxious, because I know that I'm probably going to fail.
25:22That's going to be a hard one.
25:23I'm just saying.
25:24That's going to be tough.
25:25I just hope that she has it in her to continue and find that strength, because he's going
25:31to test her.
25:32He really is.
25:32Who is ready to have fun with Daddy in the brother's box?
25:44Matt!
25:45When Joe got home from work the next day, I suggested that he go to the brother's box
25:49and do a little activity with the kids, just to give Mum a little break.
25:52Awesome.
25:54Build a fort.
25:56Dad, let's do it now.
25:58Let's do it now?
25:58Okay.
25:59Dad went upstairs, and he got really into having fun with both of these boys.
26:04Let's go in here.
26:07Look, you guys already got a big cannon.
26:11Yeah!
26:11Yeah, big cannon.
26:13You can blow stuff up with this, see?
26:15I have an old subwoofer, so that was our big cannon.
26:17Like the fuse, okay?
26:20One, two, three.
26:21JJ, what do you say?
26:23Two.
26:23Boom!
26:24And we were shooting up the enemy like a soldier.
26:27It was cute.
26:28It was very cute.
26:28And whilst Dad was busy doing activities with the kids, it gave Mum and I a chance just
26:33to step away for a while.
26:37I've been thinking about Mum a lot, and I believe that as much as it's overwhelming for
26:41her dealing with her children, she's lost as a woman really wondering what she wants to
26:45do as Danielle and not Danielle, the mum.
26:48The real question is, who's Danielle?
26:52Mommy.
26:53Mommy.
26:54Mommy, that's all.
26:55That's, that's, that's what I am right now.
26:56And it's hard.
26:57It's definitely hard.
26:58You know, when I feel like I'm doing something with myself, you know, what God gave me to
27:01do.
27:02I know I have talents in me to, you know, make use of.
27:06It definitely takes a lot to say you want something for yourself, because as a mother
27:11and a wife, you just want to do, do, do for all of those around you.
27:14And to say, okay, I want to do for me, you know, just, it doesn't, it doesn't feel right
27:18at first.
27:19You made a decision at the time, you know, with Jo, that you were going to have a family.
27:24Was there a piece of you that afterwards thought, oh, yeah, what about?
27:27Oh, yeah.
27:28And you know what probably really set it off now that I'm thinking about it is, uh, it
27:32was a hard moment when, uh, like, you know, I was online and I just had, had saw that two
27:48of the people that were in my same class, you know, had completed their doctorate and
27:52it was just like, boom, you know, the same thing I was supposed to do, so, you know.
28:02What, what stops you from, uh, going out there and getting what you wanted?
28:07It's like, okay, well, yeah, you can have everything, you know, that's just not the way
28:10it goes, so I chose my path, which I'm very happy at, and, you know, okay, so you want
28:14to go to school too, you know.
28:17Who says you can't have both?
28:19I don't know.
28:19Who said?
28:20Yeah, yeah.
28:22Danielle felt guilty that she wanted something for herself.
28:25You know, there's certainly been this thought put into her head that once you have a family,
28:30oh, that's it, you can forget about everything that you personally want, and that's so not
28:34true.
28:35So what do we do to change this?
28:37How do we give you what you need?
28:40Not what mummy needs.
28:40Right.
28:41What do we give you what you need?
28:42Start taking some online classes.
28:44Okay.
28:45Love to write.
28:46Yeah.
28:46Do you love to read?
28:47Love to read.
28:48You're going to start to do those things.
28:50Okay.
28:51So that you can start to give back to you.
28:54Absolutely.
28:54That's so important.
28:56When are we going to start this?
28:57Tonight.
28:58Yeah?
28:58Tonight, yes.
28:59I was really happy to see Danielle smiling.
29:02It's good to hear her talking about the things that she wants to do for herself.
29:04I mean, let's face it, it is a step in the right direction.
29:11You know, I'm going for several days.
29:12Okay.
29:13And I am leaving you to get on with what you've been taught, because it's necessary for you to do it without me around.
29:19Mum and Dad do have a lot on their plate.
29:21Bye-bye!
29:22And I do believe it's going to be challenging for them.
29:25I'll find out in a few days if they're up for that challenge.
29:27When I first met the Columbo family, they were in dire straits.
29:35JJ, Carl, what is the problem?
29:39I have her down here, him there, him there.
29:43It's just, how do you keep them all in one spot?
29:46And discipline.
29:49So I'm very curious to see how they got on whilst I've been away.
29:52Nervous?
29:54A little nervous.
29:54So why don't we take a look at the first step, the routine, because it was much needed in this house.
30:01Let's check the routine, make sure I'm not missing anything.
30:04Okay.
30:05What?
30:0611 o'clock.
30:07That's lunchtime!
30:10Julia's lunchtime!
30:11It's away for that time!
30:14All that food, you have to let all that food do all its magic.
30:20This is horrible.
30:21Tell me what the difference a routine has made in your life as a parent and the impact
30:28that it's made on the kids.
30:29So it's just giving them confidence in the day.
30:31I mean, it's kind of streamlined them.
30:33It's made them a lot calmer because they know what's going on.
30:36But I'd be right in saying that having that has led to you guys having a sense of calmness
30:41as well.
30:42Absolutely.
30:43Absolutely.
30:44Let's keep moving it forward.
30:45Yeah.
30:45That sounds great.
30:46The Brothers box.
30:47I'm excited to see this.
30:49Who wants to pick something out of the Brother box?
30:52You want to do a ping pong ball balance?
30:54You have to see how far you can go, okay?
30:55And then DJ's next, okay?
30:57Hang on.
30:59This is an egg and spoon.
31:01Follow me.
31:02Oh, okay.
31:03You made it this far.
31:04You guys are going to try now.
31:04Look.
31:05What are you trying?
31:06This isn't easy.
31:07Uh-oh.
31:08You can't get it.
31:09Oh, you.
31:11Why I ought to.
31:14How about that?
31:15It's very good.
31:16I've added a bunch of cards to that, too.
31:18A dad who was willing to step out the box and find his inner child.
31:21Yep.
31:21A metal spoon and a ping pong ball.
31:23Yeah, exactly.
31:24Two boys together.
31:25Yep.
31:26Having fun.
31:27Everyone laughing and having fun.
31:28Exactly.
31:28It's beautiful.
31:29All right, we're going to take a look at dinner time here.
31:31Uh-oh.
31:31Because that was a major issue, too.
31:33Yes.
31:33Oh, yes.
31:33Just take a look.
31:34Okay, half an hour.
31:36Mmm.
31:38What?
31:38You're going to eat these two carrots and all that sausage.
31:43Carla, the longer you take, the more it drags out.
31:45Just finish your dinner and be done with it.
31:47It goes straight into your mouth.
31:49Straight in.
31:51Okay, half an hour.
31:52Okay, no, no.
31:53And what are you forgetting?
31:54What are you forgetting?
31:55May I get two of these?
31:57Yes, you may.
31:58All right.
31:59Okay.
32:00We went 49 minutes instead of 30 minutes.
32:03The reality is, really, it takes kids 20, 30 minutes, max, to sit down and actually consume food.
32:09Stick with that.
32:10It's about him eating his dinner and doing as he's told and getting that nutritional value down him so that it doesn't become a game.
32:16But we've made really big progress there, let's face it.
32:19So, Joe, we're going to take a look at your discipline skills here and see if you've polished up some.
32:24You can't scream at all.
32:26You scream again in timeout.
32:27Where's your...
32:28Come down here and we'll find the pieces.
32:30Are we down here?
32:31Any more pieces in here?
32:33No!
32:34All right, JJ.
32:38Come here, baby.
32:38You've got to sit in timeout for me.
32:39Come here.
32:39JJ, come here.
32:40I'm not.
32:41You're what?
32:43Get in the timeout, Sherry.
32:44Oh, yeah!
32:45Give me this.
32:46Sit down.
32:47Look at Daddy.
32:48Look at Daddy.
32:48I told you to stop screaming.
32:49No, you're not having your toy right now.
32:51Give me your toy.
32:52Just sit right there.
32:53No more screaming.
32:54Please, time is actually up.
32:57That's what I do.
32:58Hello?
32:58Yeah.
32:59Okay.
32:59Go to time.
33:01I'll put you in timeout because you're screaming too much and too loud.
33:05This is not a joke.
33:06Look at Daddy.
33:07Look at Daddy.
33:08This is not a joke.
33:10Daddy's not happy with you when you scream like that.
33:12Okay?
33:13You're going to stop screaming?
33:14Yes.
33:14All right, give me a hug.
33:15Come here.
33:16I love you.
33:16Come here.
33:20Time's out.
33:21Certainly needs to be addressed with making sure
33:23we've got the steps in place there.
33:26Each step is really important because it allows the child to learn that what you say is what
33:32you mean.
33:33Hands are not necessary unless JJ is lashing out.
33:36What you don't want is, look at me, look at me.
33:39You don't want to be physical.
33:41Just being able to say, look at me, please, you should be able to take that basic direction.
33:46So there is much for us still to do.
33:48I believe that we certainly need to continue with some discipline.
33:51Okay.
33:51So we're still ready to be putting in some work.
33:54Absolutely.
33:55Yeah, I think it's good motivation.
33:57You should be very proud of yourselves.
33:58Okay.
33:58You're very well.
33:59Thank you to you.
34:01You're welcome.
34:03After watching the DVD, I certainly know that this family need a reminder of the timeout
34:07steps, especially dad, so that they can remember that and then follow through and execute it
34:12properly.
34:13Naughty step.
34:15Number one, warning.
34:17Timeout explanation.
34:19Why?
34:20Why do you have to explain to them?
34:21So that you know what you're doing that's wrong, so you won't do it again.
34:25Joe made me go through the various steps in front of the kids.
34:27What's the purpose of explaining to the children a second time?
34:31After they've had a chance to calm down, it reinforces the discipline as far as whether
34:34they're willing to time out.
34:35I think Danielle's got it down pat, but she wanted to really emphasize it with me, and
34:40so it was very helpful.
34:41So, that's better.
34:42I'll hang that up.
34:43Well said.
34:44I think the important thing is, is that dad now has the steps, so once he's hung it up,
34:48then he can follow through, and it's going to be a matter of practice, really.
34:53And it was not long before the family sat down for lunch, and JJ got himself into trouble.
34:58We're not going to say that, because that's rude.
35:00JJ, we don't want to talk about poop.
35:01What's up?
35:03JJ?
35:04Listen, hey, this is your work.
35:05Good morning.
35:06You do not talk about poop while we're sitting at the table.
35:08I'm going to put you in a timeout.
35:09Not polite.
35:10I'm tired.
35:12Not so loud.
35:13I'm pooping.
35:14No, don't say silly words.
35:16JJ.
35:16I do.
35:17Mommy warned you about saying poop at the table.
35:19That's really rude, and it's bad manners.
35:21Hey!
35:22I'd love Joe to do it, because the discipline balled up there.
35:25Come here.
35:26Joe, follow through with the steps.
35:28Listen, you're saying bad words at the dinner table, and Mommy warned you.
35:31Now you have to sit in timeout, okay?
35:33We're going to go back to the table.
35:35We're going to leave the car up.
35:36Come away.
35:36Come away.
35:37Come away.
35:37Come away.
35:37Come away.
35:37Come away.
35:38Come away.
35:38Come away.
35:39Dad definitely needs some work on learning when to walk away, and to stop talking.
35:45Dad!
35:46But despite JJ screaming, Dad stood his ground, and JJ did a full three minutes in timeout.
35:53You're sitting in timeout because you said bad, nasty things to Mommy at the dining room
35:56table, and the bad words.
35:58Say, I'm sorry.
35:58I'm sorry.
36:00All right, come here.
36:00Give me a hug.
36:02I love you.
36:03It wasn't a perfect timeout, but it really was better than what he'd been doing before.
36:09And with the reminder board in place, it can only get better.
36:15As for Mom, I'd asked her to take some timeout for herself, so I was interested to see what
36:19she'd been up to.
36:20I've been looking at the Master's in Social Work program, and also I was looking at a
36:24creative writing class, too.
36:26I've definitely taken the first step, and that's the greatest step to take.
36:29I'm just moving on up from here.
36:31I think it's amazing.
36:33I mean, a couple of weeks ago, literally, you just felt guilty.
36:35You were like, how am I going to do this?
36:37I can't.
36:37I'm raising a family.
36:39And look, it's exciting just to have it all kind of coming into place.
36:42Just the whole getting back into there is just, it's really fantastic.
36:46I am my own person, and I can pursue my own dreams.
36:50And that's ultimately just going to make me a much better mother.
36:53There's life outside of your house.
36:55It's liberating, isn't it?
36:57It is.
36:57It's wonderful.
36:58A sense of freedom.
36:59Yeah.
37:00She's very, very eager and enthusiastic.
37:04And for me, it's a wonderful place to see Danielle.
37:07And guess who's going to benefit?
37:08The whole family.
37:11Come on over, guys.
37:12Come on over, because JoJo's leaving now.
37:14Hey!
37:16This has been the most overwhelming journey of my life.
37:19It's transformed my whole family, and I couldn't be more grateful.
37:23Jo, thank you very much for helping our family.
37:25I'm your host, JoJo.
37:26I'm your host, JoJo.
37:27I'm your host, JoJo.
37:28I'm your host, JoJo.
37:29I'm your host, JoJo.
37:30I'm your host, JoJo.
37:30I'm your host, JoJo.
37:31I'm your host, JoJo.
37:32I'm your host, JoJo.
37:33I'm your host, JoJo.
37:34I'm your host, JoJo.
37:35I'm your host, JoJo.
37:36I'm your host, JoJo.
37:37I'm your host, JoJo.
37:38I'm your host, JoJo.
37:39I'm your host, JoJo.
37:40I'm your host, JoJo.
37:41I'm your host, JoJo.
37:42I'm your host, JoJo.
37:43I'm your host, JoJo.
37:44I'm your host, JoJo.
37:45I'm your host, JoJo.
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