- há 7 semanas
The kids fight constantly, hit, pinch and do any kind of bodily harm. Homework and studying for tests is a disaster and which brings 9-year-old Emmett to tears
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00:00Hi, we're the Froebrook family.
00:01I'm Beverly.
00:02I'm Eric.
00:03We have five children.
00:04Emily is 11.
00:06Emmett is 9.
00:07Emma-Jo is 7.
00:08Emerson is 4.
00:09And Ember is 1 1⁄2.
00:12We also have my mother, Barbara, living with us temporarily.
00:15She came to live with us after my dad passed away last year.
00:20It's hard.
00:21It's tough losing a family member.
00:27There's no respect in this house.
00:29Uh-uh.
00:30Do not hit me.
00:31Our kids fight constantly.
00:35No hit.
00:37Hitting is a pretty big problem.
00:39Ow!
00:39Pinching.
00:40Ow!
00:41Any kind of bodily harm.
00:43Do not put your hands on me.
00:45Emerson won't think twice about hitting me.
00:47I've got my work cut out here.
00:48I can tell you that much.
00:50You're stupid, Mommy.
00:52Discipline is something we definitely need to work on.
00:55I used to spank my kids, but I've been trying not to,
00:58because obviously it wasn't working.
00:59Go.
01:00Straight up to your room.
01:01You can wait till Daddy gets back.
01:02Go.
01:03I have a much shorter fuse than Beverly does.
01:06Get off me!
01:07Oh!
01:09Yes, I will go to the spanking level.
01:11I have to be mean and give you spankings for you to listen,
01:14and that's what I have to do.
01:16Now I'm getting a spoon.
01:17A spoon?
01:18Come out of bed?
01:20We got it.
01:21What is this father doing?
01:24I really don't want him to spank my kids, but he does.
01:27I guess I don't give too much benefit of a doubt.
01:29Threaten hot sauce.
01:34Oh, I'm not having that.
01:35I'm going to have to go in and talk to this father.
01:37I'll tell you that much.
01:38Homework is always a big issue.
01:40Get me out of the whisper of time.
01:43Emmett argues about reading and studying.
01:47I want you to finish the book and start reading.
01:49I want to.
01:50We get to a breaking point.
01:51I just give up.
01:52No.
01:53Yes.
01:53No.
01:54Yes.
01:55Fine, I'm done.
01:57Everybody's throwing in the towel,
01:58and tempers are taking over.
02:00There are days that I go to bed and think,
02:02I wonder what it would be like not having five kids,
02:06and how much easier it would be.
02:09Get off my car!
02:11I don't know how in the world to get the respect.
02:14I said I don't like you.
02:16Supernanny, our family is in utter chaos.
02:18We're just falling apart.
02:20And we need you to glue us back together.
02:21Respect needs to go back into your house.
02:25I'll see you soon.
02:36Hello.
02:36Hello, Supernanny.
02:38We're so glad you're here.
02:39I was excited to know that, okay,
02:42now we can get started on getting our lives back.
02:45Merrick, how are you?
02:46Very well, thank you.
02:47Hi, Emma.
02:47Pleased to meet you.
02:48I'm JoJo.
02:49Mommy!
02:50Nice to meet you.
02:51And what's your name?
02:52Emerson.
02:52Emerson, pleased to meet you, Emerson.
02:54Hi, Amber.
02:56That works.
02:57Hi.
02:57That'll do.
02:58Hi, Emily.
02:59How are you doing?
02:59Good.
03:00I want you to do what you would normally do,
03:02so that I'm able to observe.
03:04Given what I'd just seen in the taxi,
03:05I was expecting chaos.
03:07But as the family sat down for lunch,
03:09I saw a different picture.
03:11Can I try some of that?
03:14Please?
03:15Thank you for eating your carrots
03:16and not giving me a hard time.
03:19Can I ask you with Warren not to ride on that?
03:21Oh, please.
03:22No.
03:23It'll break.
03:24I'm pretty impressed with how you're putting the game away.
03:26I didn't know really what was going on here.
03:28Everyone was acting so polite.
03:31Oh, it's perfect family.
03:33I think I'll just go, shall I?
03:34Please don't.
03:36You wouldn't know, would you?
03:39You would not know.
03:41It was very obvious that everyone was on their best
03:44behavior because of me.
03:45And so when the kids went outside to play,
03:48I thought I'd get from them what a normal day is like.
03:51We tackle each other a lot and that stuff.
03:55Mouthing off and spitting.
03:57How does your mom discipline you?
03:59She doesn't really discipline.
04:01My dad will discipline us very badly.
04:05And what do you mean when you say discipline?
04:07Spank us.
04:08Spank us by our energy.
04:09And he'll follow us up the stairs with a spoon.
04:12And when we get up there, smack us.
04:14And he'll, like, pull our ear and give us access.
04:19I'm not going to lie, it's a little bit worrying
04:21to hear kids talk about their dad's harsh discipline
04:23in such a casual way.
04:25But I wonder if he's going to act like that in front of me.
04:30A little later, Emerson started to kick off
04:33and the first crack started to appear.
04:36I can break it.
04:37Do not break that.
04:38I can't.
04:39Do not.
04:40So what's going to happen if you do that?
04:42Then I break a brain.
04:44Ow, don't kick me.
04:45That's what you get.
04:47Hey, time out.
04:49I'm coming!
04:51Quit your screaming.
04:53Well, what comes next?
04:56Hot sauce.
04:57You want hot sauce?
04:58No.
04:59Great, then.
05:02Don't look at me!
05:04That's not very nice.
05:05Don't look at me!
05:08You apologize to Nanny Jo and apologize to Mommy for your behavior?
05:12No.
05:13Then we're going to stay in time out for a while.
05:16And even though Dad was holding it down, my gut instinct was telling me that Dad was acting
05:20different than what he'd normally do.
05:21A couple minutes and then we'll try this again, okay?
05:25I probably held back a little bit where I normally wouldn't have.
05:28If Joe was not there, he probably would have gotten hot sauce.
05:32All right, are you ready to come out of time out, mister?
05:35Yes.
05:36All right.
05:37So what do we have to do?
05:38I don't want to apologize!
05:41All right.
05:42Emerson never did apologize to me, but as far as Dad was concerned, time out was over.
05:47I think that if I hadn't have been there, the hot sauce or the wooden spoon would have
05:51come out.
05:53Later on in the afternoon, I had a chance to meet Beverly's mum, Barbara, who has been living
05:58with the family for over a year now since her husband passed away.
06:01And I actually got to hear her take on the family.
06:04Most of the time, it's chaos.
06:06They're very, very active children.
06:08You help out here and there.
06:09I help out.
06:10But are they dependent on you?
06:11No.
06:12I feel my daughter's very controlling.
06:14She feels so put together.
06:15Don't tell me what to do.
06:17Beverly has major control issues.
06:19If she doesn't orchestrate everything herself, she can get snippy.
06:23Okay.
06:25Bye-bye.
06:26And shortly after, I got to see exactly what Barbara was talking about.
06:29Go get your homework.
06:31Don't make faces at me.
06:33Just go get it.
06:34It was time for Emmett to do his homework.
06:37I could see that tension was building up.
06:39Teacher said you need to study your social studies every night.
06:42And I know we've talked about this because I've told you that you need to bring your...
06:46Hello?
06:47Look at me.
06:48I'm talking to you.
06:49Homework is a big issue in our house.
06:51Homework is a constant battle.
06:54This is a huge test coming up.
07:00Stop crying.
07:01Stop crying.
07:02You don't need to cry.
07:03You just need to take a little responsibility.
07:05Listen to me.
07:06I'm not yelling at you.
07:08Look at me.
07:09Why don't you take a break?
07:10Go up in your room and do a little bit of reading.
07:12Read a chapter in your book.
07:13I mean, these are things you have to do.
07:15You have to do these things.
07:17Can you please read a chapter while you're up there?
07:22No.
07:23So what happens with the homework?
07:24It'll get done eventually with a fight.
07:27What a cop-out.
07:28Mum told Emmett to go up into his room because she didn't want to deal with this situation.
07:33And so she froze in the towel and then nothing is now going to get achieved.
07:37What made you cry?
07:38I was frustrated.
07:40Huh?
07:41And she was just making it more frustrated when she was raising her voice at me.
07:49I don't like it when people raise their voices.
07:52And that made you upset because Mum started getting cross.
07:56Obviously, there's a lot of frustration going on in this house.
08:00I mean, there's parental issues to deal with and also the loss of a family member.
08:05It can be overwhelming.
08:07Hey, it's been a tough year, hasn't it?
08:09Yeah.
08:11I've had experience myself with losing a parent.
08:14It's a loss that totally has you feeling overwhelmed and out of control.
08:20I don't know.
08:21I just feel like my whole life is spiraling out of control.
08:23Not my whole life, but my family.
08:26So you're very uncomfortable with not having control?
08:29Mm-hmm.
08:30I am a control freak.
08:31Do you think that's been heightened?
08:33Why?
08:34Obviously, the impact of losing your father.
08:36Possible.
08:38Sorry.
08:40Don't be.
08:41I didn't even get to stay with my family.
08:46The day after his funeral, we left.
08:48Life went on.
08:50What support did you have with respects to dealing with your bereavement?
08:55Here?
08:56Yeah.
08:57None.
08:58How did it affect the kids?
09:01My kids were pretty close with him.
09:03Hmm.
09:04Even though we lived so far away.
09:06When you lose a family member and you haven't had the time that you so need to be able
09:11to heal, those overwhelming feelings can interfere in the running of a home.
09:17But the more that she tries to control that situation, the more that she realises actually
09:21she has no control at all.
09:25There really is a lot that needs to be addressed here.
09:28And I really do hope that these parents are very open and willing to listen to what I have
09:33to say.
09:34I saw so much in the taxi cab.
09:37The biggest thing here is discipline.
09:40You both need to step up and take control and have that authority when necessary.
09:47Through an action of consequences that allow them to think about their behaviour.
09:52Not corporal punishment.
09:54What is the message that you're trying to convey to the children?
09:58I'm just going to grab them by their ear.
10:00And you know what, I'm going to hurt them and pinch them and lead them up the stairs
10:04by their ear roll so that it hurts.
10:06And you know what, when they say something that I don't appreciate, I'll just go and
10:10put hot sauce on their mouth so that it burns their tongue.
10:13When I get really, really angry, I'll just give them a smack.
10:17How do you justify doing what you do?
10:25It's the only thing that seems to work for me.
10:27That seems to work.
10:29Does it?
10:30Probably not very effective.
10:35Hot sauce does not teach children how to behave.
10:40What do we do when Emmett turns around and says,
10:42ha, you put a dab and it doesn't hurt, it doesn't burn anymore.
10:46What are you going to do? Put the whole pot in his mouth.
10:48What are you going to do when Emma Jo laughs at you?
10:51Because you spanked her and then she looks at you and says, doesn't hurt.
10:54Smack her harder.
10:56What are you going to do when your children become old enough to smack you back?
11:04Nobody's thinking about that.
11:06I am now.
11:08What do you want, Eric?
11:11Peace.
11:12Patience.
11:13What do you think will allow you to have more patience?
11:16If there's an effective means of discipline,
11:19that I don't have to go to the extreme.
11:21I certainly don't want to have to hit them.
11:23How would you feel as a father?
11:26I'd be proud of myself.
11:29I'm doing a good job.
11:31To actually sit here as a father and not feel proud of how you're parenting,
11:36it's not a good place to be.
11:39Let's talk about homework.
11:40You're not listening to Emmett.
11:43You've spent a lot of time arguing and not resolving.
11:48When Emmett turns around through his emotion and says,
11:51I'm so frustrated.
11:53I'm really...
11:54And he starts to cry.
11:55I don't want to hear it right now.
11:56I don't want to hear this right now.
11:58I'm sure you must be really frustrated right now.
12:00And you know what?
12:01I can see you're really upset.
12:03Work with me here together.
12:05Look at how we can make this enjoyable.
12:08Because right now, it's not working.
12:11It's definitely not.
12:13Beverly, let's talk about your control.
12:17I like things done my way.
12:19Give me what areas.
12:20I like my clothes folded a certain way.
12:22Mm-hmm.
12:23Silverware drawer being a certain way.
12:25My closet's being set up a certain way.
12:27It shows you wanting to control certain areas
12:30because everything else is out of control.
12:34And it's been heightened by the loss of your father.
12:36I do try to just let go.
12:40But it's hard.
12:41It has been a year since you lost your beloved father, Beverly.
12:47And I want to talk about that.
12:49I don't believe that there's been an opportunity, really,
12:52for you guys to really understand that you are grieving,
12:57that you are going through bereavement,
12:59that the whole family are hurting in their own individual way.
13:05I try to let my kids talk about it.
13:07But not ever going through this before,
13:09I don't know how to deal with it.
13:11What I would love to be able to do
13:13is to help you all to feel very comfortable
13:16with being able to at least mention grandpa,
13:19to start grieving and bereaving
13:21and going through the stages of that.
13:23It sounds scary.
13:25It is, because the emotions
13:27make you feel like they could kill you.
13:30I'm still here.
13:32They don't.
13:34Yeah.
13:35We are going to knuckle down
13:37and get some hard work done.
13:39Is that something we both want?
13:40I don't want it.
13:42I think we need it.
13:44Do need it.
13:45Meeting with Joe is an eye-opener.
13:47A lot of things you kind of don't think about
13:49when you're doing them.
13:50I'm ready to make some changes.
13:54Respecting this house really doesn't exist.
13:57And Dad's approach to discipline
13:59leaves a lot to be desired.
14:01Now I'm getting a spoon.
14:02Let's all take a seat.
14:04Things do need to change.
14:05And what I want to do is work with this family
14:08in making sure that each member
14:10know how they behave
14:12and that they're accountable.
14:14Back a long, long time ago in London,
14:16you would go to a park
14:17and you would stand on your soapbox
14:21and you would basically talk about anything.
14:23OK?
14:24This soapbox is going to be used
14:26for a different purpose.
14:27We get a chance to stand up on the soapbox
14:29and talk about the things that we feel
14:32we need to be better at doing.
14:35OK?
14:36So, you're on the soapbox.
14:37Emma Jo?
14:38Listening.
14:39Getting better with my brother and sister,
14:43not fighting.
14:44Oh, that's very good.
14:46One by one, they all went up on the soapbox
14:48and spoke about the things
14:50that they feel they need to work on.
14:52Stupid.
14:53Saying stupid.
14:54Oh, saying stupid.
14:55And spitting at people.
14:57And spitting at people.
14:59Yeah, I agree.
15:00All right, Emma.
15:01Respect.
15:02Respect.
15:03Fair enough.
15:04These kids know.
15:05They're really smart.
15:06They know what they shouldn't be doing.
15:09By saying it out loud,
15:10you're actually showing the rest of the family
15:12that you're aware of the things
15:13that you do that are wrong.
15:14Arguing.
15:15Listening.
15:16Temper.
15:17I was very proud of my kids
15:19that they were able to stand up there
15:21and talk about the things
15:22that they could work on.
15:23Amber, do you have anything to say up there?
15:25Yeah?
15:26What do you have to say?
15:27Fire.
15:28That's right.
15:30But the kids aren't the only ones
15:33who have to be accountable for their own behaviour.
15:36I will try not to be controlling.
15:39Respect.
15:40I think that kind of covers all of it.
15:43OK, Daddy.
15:44Up you get.
15:45I need to have more patience.
15:48I need to not be spanking anymore.
15:54Using the spoon, using the belt,
15:57pulling the ears.
15:59Thank you!
16:00And hot sauce too.
16:02Emma Jo, she jumped up and down.
16:04She was like, yes, no more snacking.
16:06No more.
16:07I felt good about that
16:09because when he does that spanking and hot sauce,
16:13it really does hurt.
16:15OK, thank you, Daddy, OK?
16:18OK.
16:19Getting up there in front of the family,
16:20it's like everybody heard you say it,
16:22so now you've got to carry through.
16:23The hard part is following through now.
16:26Mum and Dad have agreed not to use hot sauce
16:28and wooden spoons,
16:29so now what I really need to do
16:31is to teach them a proper time-out.
16:33First thing you want to do
16:34is to give your child a warning.
16:35Explain why he's sitting in time-out.
16:38And you set the timer for one minute per their age.
16:42Are we comfortable with the steps?
16:44And when Emerson kicked off at dinner time,
16:47it gave Mum and Dad the opportunity
16:48to put their knowledge to the test.
16:50I don't like me!
16:52Look at me.
16:53Look at me.
16:54Look at me.
16:55I don't have to listen to you.
16:57You be mean.
16:58If you leave this table,
16:59you will go in time-out.
17:01Do you understand that?
17:02Yes.
17:03OK, so climb up in your chair, please.
17:09Come on.
17:10No talking.
17:11Mommy is putting you in time-out for not listening.
17:14For how much minutes?
17:16Four minutes.
17:17Say nothing.
17:18No talking.
17:20I don't want you anymore!
17:22Idiot!
17:24He tried everything he could to get our attention.
17:33It was definitely a challenge.
17:35Stop it!
17:36Normally, when I'd put him in time-out,
17:38we would answer him and then let him out.
17:40This time, we ignored him.
17:42Eric, I would say you follow through with it
17:44and you carry on serving dinner,
17:45because they need to see that you're working on the same page
17:48when it comes to discipline.
17:49We're both doing it together.
17:51Whee!
17:53So I took over, put Emerson back in time-out.
17:56He wasn't very happy with that.
17:58Daddy, you can come close to me.
18:00I'll keep your...
18:02Calling me quite an array of names.
18:04Daddy, you're an idiot!
18:06Screaming, yelling.
18:08Daddy!
18:09He was definitely pushing the buttons.
18:11Daddy!
18:12After trying everything to test his parents,
18:21Emerson did sit there for four minutes.
18:23But the battle wasn't over yet.
18:25You were putting time out for...
18:27I'm not listening.
18:28Are you ready to apologize?
18:30No.
18:31All right, you're gonna walk away, Dad.
18:32He's not apologizing, so you're gonna walk away.
18:34This is about you learning to be composed,
18:39because this is a little boy that is out of control,
18:42and you do not need to go there.
18:45It makes you feel remorseful.
18:46You don't have to be in that place.
18:48Daddy!
18:50Dad just remained calm and patient,
18:52and a few minutes later, it paid off.
18:54Are you ready to apologize now?
18:56Yes.
18:59What's it?
19:01There'll be no more fresh voices...
19:03OK.
19:04...and naughty behavior.
19:05We're gonna go right back into time-out.
19:06OK.
19:07Tonight's outcome, without hot sauce,
19:10or the hot sauce threat, or the spanking threat,
19:13definitely makes me feel a lot better.
19:16The next day, I wanted to address Emmett's homework.
19:19This has created a lot of stress for this family,
19:22because Beverly always wants to dictate how it's done.
19:25This is a huge test coming up.
19:27I can't say no.
19:29Stop crying. Stop crying.
19:31So what I'm going to give them is some useful tips for homework
19:34so that it's less stressful.
19:36The first one is let him decide.
19:38Let Emmett decide what homework he's gonna do first.
19:41The second is to listen and then to respond.
19:45Number three, look for solutions and not for arguments.
19:49Number four, encourage effort.
19:51When you see that you're doing very well and that's noticed,
19:54how does that make you feel?
19:55Good.
19:56Good.
19:57Of course.
19:58And number five, be there if needed, if not step back.
20:01I'd love to put this into practice now and let's do some homework.
20:05I think Emmett liked the idea of being able to take control back of his homework
20:09instead of me telling him what to do, when to do, and how to do it.
20:13It's gonna be hard.
20:14Okay.
20:15All right.
20:16I want to do this one first.
20:17All right.
20:18Call me if you need me.
20:19Emmett completed his math assignment.
20:21No fuss at all.
20:22But things started to go downhill when he asked Mom to check his work.
20:27It looks good.
20:28You might want to review this one.
20:29Daddy always says to check it to use a calculator.
20:32No, do not use a calculator because if you're using a calculator,
20:35it's not really teaching you.
20:36I know.
20:37I'm not gonna correct it.
20:38But what I'm saying is if you use a calculator,
20:40you're not using your head to figure it out and then you're not learning.
20:43But I already did.
20:44And you're not exercising your brain.
20:45I suspected before long that this would turn into a classic fight between Mom and Emmett.
20:50And I wanted to remind her that this is about looking for solutions, not an argument.
20:54It takes two people to argue.
20:56And if it keeps going over and over again, you have to make that decision when to cut the conversation.
21:01Hey, we've discussed this already.
21:02We're not gonna go around in circles.
21:04And the conversation's over.
21:05Instead, I suggested that Mom help him work through the problem.
21:08Be there if needed.
21:10If not, step back.
21:11You're needed for this one.
21:12Yeah, that's ten, ten, ten, ten, ten.
21:15Emmett's always gonna have that argumentative personality.
21:18And I just need to learn how to cope with it and stop it when it turns into an argument.
21:24Add that one, eight.
21:25Okay.
21:26And you know what?
21:27You're right.
21:28You know what's fabulous about this?
21:29What?
21:30That actually came over and he worked through it.
21:32And we have a solution.
21:33And not argument.
21:34So, well done, the pair of you.
21:35Yeah.
21:36Because that's what it's all about.
21:37I hope I love you.
21:39After recently losing her dad, Beverly just feels like she's got no control over anything.
21:44So she's trying to control absolutely everything.
21:47And it's just making matters worse.
21:49So today, I'm really gonna work on that issue with her.
21:51What are the things that you know as a mother, your kids are old enough to do, but you control it because of the, I've got to have the obsessedness of it looking just right, being just so...
22:02Laundry.
22:03Because if it's not folded the right way, it bothers me.
22:05I don't like anybody loading my dishwasher.
22:08Putting my groceries away.
22:09Some cleaning.
22:10A lot of cleaning.
22:11Setting the table.
22:12Cooking.
22:13Mom has an endless catalog of tasks that nobody's allowed to do but herself.
22:18No wonder she's feeling overwhelmed.
22:19Packing.
22:20She won't let us pack our own stand.
22:22That's not me.
22:23You're obsessive about particular things.
22:27Yeah.
22:28She had me make a list of different things that I feel like I need control over and it really made me realize how controlling I am.
22:37I'll have you come into my space and then we'll practically talk about the situation.
22:42Mom needs to let go and delegate so that when the bigger issues come up, she has the energy to be able to deal with them.
22:49But as we know, letting go isn't always that easy.
22:52We've got laundry and we've got towels, haven't we?
22:57What else have we got there?
22:58Cooking.
22:59Which is important.
23:00What else?
23:01Setting the table.
23:02We've got to set the table and then we've got the vacuum in and that's a big problem as well.
23:05Because you know what?
23:06When you have so much control over things that are not necessary, it creates this stress and the inability for your children
23:18to do the things that allow them to grow and have independence and become more self-sufficient.
23:24I think Joe wanted me to see you can't carry everything. It's impossible. You can't fit that much on your shoulders.
23:33You've got to learn to let go with your family and with yourself. So let go.
23:43I can't.
23:44Yeah, you can. Yeah, you can because I'm going to teach you how to let go and be happier.
23:50It's okay. It's okay. Emma. Emma.
24:02Come here. Come here.
24:04Come here.
24:05Really that showed me the seriousness of this situation when your children are so scared that you just may drop something on the floor.
24:13What happens here if mummy drops the eggs? What happens?
24:16It'll just be a mess and we'll clean it up. And I'll let go.
24:22Here's cooking.
24:23Want to help mummy cook? You like it, right?
24:25Exactly. So mummy have to let go of that.
24:28Letting go was really hard, but it was definitely a relief.
24:32Do you understand what I'm saying? Huh? Do you understand what I'm saying? It's a big deal.
24:44You know what? When you let go, life gets easier because there are certain things that you need to accept and certain things that allow everybody else to grow in a family.
24:53This is still a work in progress for mum, but what's going to be important is that the kids step up now and they help her with that endless list.
25:02So I'm going to introduce a chore system.
25:04Okay, today's specials, I have this board up here because this is all about delegating.
25:10So today's specials will be what you write down on this board every day so that these kids can at least do one thing, that they'll get done as a responsibility in the home.
25:20It could change every day? Yeah, every day.
25:23Does rub mummy's feet count?
25:25That could be for Eric.
25:28I love the specials board. This is a way for me to let go and allowing them to have the opportunity to do these things is great. Love it.
25:37Mum did a really great job delegating the chores, so hopefully this will make her feel a lot better because there'll be less stress.
25:43Okay, everybody on to the picnic rugs. Before I leave, I have one last tool for this family. It's been incredibly difficult for them to heal from losing grandpa. This tool will allow them to actually start talking about the good times.
26:00This treasure chest is a very important one. We are going to fill this treasure chest with special things that remind us of grandpa.
26:12Things that you feel will be important for everybody to share as a family. Notes and photos and little memorabilia of things you did because it is important for the kids to be able to talk about grandpa.
26:25And hey, I'm going to savour the adults as well. I got very emotional because we don't really talk about my husband Victor. I think that's very important for these kids and for Beverly.
26:36So the additional stuff that I have in this treasure chest is a folder of artwork which allows our younger one Emerson to be able to draw pictures for grandpa.
26:48And I have here for Emma Jo and Emmett and Emily your own thought pads. So when you're thinking of grandpa, I want you to be able to put it into your thought pads.
27:01I really like the treasure chest because I can share how I feel about my grandfather passing away.
27:08I'm happy that we got notebooks to write in about Poppy.
27:12And last but not least, I wanted to give you one of your own pads as well.
27:17I like the treasure chest because it will be full of treasures, memories that we have of my dad.
27:24Thank you so much.
27:25You're welcome, you're welcome.
27:28I'm going for several days, but I'll be back.
27:31Not having Jo around for the next few days is going to be a challenge. That's going to be hard.
27:35Letting go. You've done really well. So continue working on that.
27:39Remember the steps of time out. Voice, firm, follow through.
27:44I am concerned that we might slip a little bit and kind of go back to some of the old ways of things, especially if we get buttons pushed.
27:52Hang in there. Will do. Thank you. Bye bye.
27:55The Frobricks have come a long way. We've got dad dealing with his temper.
27:59So let's hope that the hot sauce and the wooden spoon stay where they belong.
28:03And mum's dealing with her controlling issues.
28:05But hey, a couple of days with me gone. Let's see how they do.
28:08When I first arrived, the Frobricks were dealing with some serious issues.
28:15Dad had a very severe temper. Hot sauce and wooden spoons.
28:19I have to be mean and give you spankings for you to listen.
28:22That's what I have to do. And mum just needed to control entirely everything.
28:26So let go. Thank you.
28:29I just hope that they haven't slipped back into their old ways whilst I've been gone.
28:34The first one we're going to take a look at is mum letting go.
28:37See how well you did.
28:39OK, we're going to let this cook but we don't want it to boil so we have to keep stirring it, OK?
28:43I want to stir.
28:44OK, just be super, super careful because it's super, super hot.
28:52OK, dump it in.
28:54Good job.
28:56How nice to see kids in the kitchen and you're stirring away and doing your thing.
29:01You're becoming more consciously aware of how you're behaving.
29:04It's tough, right? But you can do it.
29:06It was tough but I did it.
29:08It's lovely.
29:09Got it?
29:10Do you want me to show you how to hold it so you can get it really good?
29:14Here, can I help you?
29:16Can I show you how? OK.
29:18You can brush it off to the side too so it falls in the dirt.
29:21All right, let's put the mat back. Can you get the two steps?
29:26I think I might have misjudged that job for her. She struggled a little with the broom and moving the mat.
29:33OK, so let go of it, all right? Because, you know, imagine me asking you to do something and then hovering over you while you're emptying the drawers, OK?
29:41Right.
29:42You can have a look and see how well they've done afterwards so they start to learn that when it's not done and if they do get lazy in between that they're going to have to go back and do it a second time.
29:50So get it done the first time right.
29:52Right.
29:53OK, let's take a look at homework.
29:55Come here, Emmett. You and I are going to go over this.
29:59Because Miss Essary wants you to.
30:01Miss Essary thinks you know this material and she just wants to make sure that it's not the excitement of everything.
30:10If you want to pull yourself together and go over this with me, then we can talk.
30:15But right now...
30:16My test!
30:17It is your test.
30:18And you can't touch it!
30:21Give me your test, please.
30:23My test.
30:24I've already looked at it.
30:25OK, I don't care what I got on my freaking test!
30:28It's a freaking test!
30:30But it doesn't really matter about a freaking test!
30:36He just doesn't stop.
30:37We know that Emmett is combative.
30:39We know that he'll argue.
30:41So it's about your behavior changing.
30:43One of you needs to be able to say, I'm feeling really angry right now.
30:46We'll come back to this in half an hour.
30:48And it's not going to be Emmett.
30:50So you have to learn to step back.
30:53Right.
30:54Just take a breather.
30:55OK.
30:56Let's take a look at time-outs.
30:58I like my milk!
31:00But you don't have to eat what's on your plate.
31:01You just have to drink your milk.
31:03Study for your science.
31:04Milk!
31:06You cannot hit your grandma.
31:08Come on.
31:09Right here.
31:10Stop!
31:11Sit.
31:12All right.
31:13Then stand.
31:14Right there.
31:16Eric.
31:17When that little son of yours smacked his grandmother in the face, you should have gone straight in.
31:23Any more of this behavior?
31:25And you are going in time-out.
31:27And trust me, you're going to be in trouble.
31:29So at that point, I didn't know.
31:30I thought grandma should be the one to discipline them completely.
31:34Yeah.
31:35But these are your kids behaving that way to grandma.
31:38When you saw that Barbara was in that little pickle, you should have gone straight in there.
31:42Can I get out now?
31:43Can I get out now?
31:44Can I get out now?
31:45Finished.
31:46I'm ready to apologize.
31:47Are you ready to apologize to grandma?
31:48You are?
31:49OK.
31:50The whole thing was a shambles.
31:51He actually dictated when he would say sorry.
31:53No, no, no.
31:54You're in charge of discipline.
31:55Full stop.
31:56You need to learn the steps properly.
31:58And I think it would be nice if Barbara can execute those steps as well.
32:03Treasure chest.
32:04We're going to go in and put some stuff in Poppy's box.
32:05I have some special stuff that I want to put in here.
32:06Is that mine?
32:07Mm-hmm.
32:08Do you know who bought it?
32:09Poppy.
32:10He went out the day you were born and bought this.
32:11This.
32:12This.
32:13This.
32:14This.
32:15This.
32:16This.
32:17This.
32:18This.
32:19This.
32:20This.
32:21This.
32:22This.
32:23This.
32:24This.
32:25This.
32:26This.
32:27This.
32:28This.
32:29This.
32:30This.
32:31This.
32:32This.
32:33This.
32:34This.
32:35This.
32:36This.
32:37This.
32:38This.
32:39This.
32:40This.
32:41This.
32:42This.
32:43This.
32:44This.
32:45This.
32:46This.
32:47This.
32:48This.
32:49This.
32:50This.
32:51This.
32:52This.
32:53This.
32:54This.
32:55This.
32:56This.
32:57This.
32:58This.
32:59This.
33:00This.
33:01So look, we're not out of the woods because we do have some work to do.
33:04We certainly do need to work on discipline.
33:07That's necessary. We want you to move forward.
33:10So on that note, we'll get busy doing some work.
33:13Okay, thank you.
33:15The loss of grandpa impacted the whole of this family
33:19and that's why it was important to bring in the treasure chest.
33:21But Beverly never had the chance to be able to just spend time with her family
33:26back in New York grieving for the loss of her father.
33:29It's very hard to explain to somebody what it feels like to lose your parent.
33:34Oh yeah, it's very hard.
33:36It was incredibly important for me and my brother to be there for each other.
33:42Right.
33:43Because there's nobody else that feels the same way as you, as your sibling.
33:49Right.
33:49But I guess right now it's quite difficult for you on the phone to talk about how you're feeling.
33:54It's hard.
33:55You can't get a hug on the phone.
33:57Right. It's not the same.
33:59And so what I wanted to do for you was to make sure that tonight you fly out to New York
34:08and you actually go and spend time with your brother.
34:13Really?
34:14You're going to do everything that you weren't given the opportunity to do
34:17because you had to come home and have five kids.
34:19I wanted to give you this.
34:23When Joe told me I was going to New York, I was overwhelmed.
34:27It's going to be an emotional trip for me, but it is important because I really need to spend time
34:33with my brother. I just need time for me.
34:36You need to.
34:39You need to go away.
34:40You need to be able to do that.
34:44You're going to take care of you and go and do what you need to do.
34:47You're welcome.
34:48Overall, I think she's really excited that she's got this opportunity and I think it will do her the
34:53world of good. It really will. And this will really allow her to come back to her family,
34:58ready to deal with whatever comes up with regards to the kids.
35:01I got it.
35:04Good boy.
35:05Saying goodbye to Joe is hard. She's a very caring person.
35:10You're a good girl. I love you.
35:11The woman's got it going on. She's my new hero. I'm definitely going to miss Joe.
35:21With mom back in New York, I realized that dad and grandma still need more work on discipline.
35:27Bringing them together so they could both practice was just incredibly important.
35:32The timeout steps. Number one, warning. Number two, when you take them to the timeout,
35:38you explain why they're in timeout. Number three, you walk away. Number four,
35:44you go back and you explain for the second time. Five, sorry. Six, it's no grudge. We just move on
35:51to the next thing that we're doing or go back to what we were doing first and foremost.
35:54Okay. Now the steps are covered. What I want to do is teach dad and grandma the correct tone so that
36:00when they give a discipline, the kids know that they mean business. Watching Emerson with the pair
36:05of you, he feels that he can take liberties and behave the way he does. Take him by the hand.
36:11Okay. You bring him in front of you. That is unacceptable. There will be none of that behavior.
36:16If I see any more of this nonsense, you're going straight into timeout.
36:19Let's just practice tone. Stop that behavior right now or you're going to go into timeout. Oh,
36:26look at you. That's what I'm talking about. She did really well. When Joe showed me the steps and
36:32worked through the steps with me, that made me feel much more confident. I think it's great.
36:38Okay. Let's hit it, Eric. Stop that behavior right now or you'll be going into timeout.
36:43Okay. Love it. You've got to be able to switch on this without the anger fueling it behind. You've
36:49got to be able to switch over. As soon as you see that behavior, switch. She lets you know when
36:53you're screwed up and what you need to focus on. By the time you're angry, guess what? The hand's
36:57coming out as well and the spoon's coming out and the sauce is coming. That's no good. It's good news
37:02when any family decide to recognize what effective discipline is and the importance of it and then
37:08really apply in their own homes. Hey, I think we're good here. You did extremely well.
37:16Well, I'm going to leave you both. Hey!
37:20I definitely feel that I've changed. Definitely for the better. Barbara. Pleasure. Pleasure.
37:25The whole experience has been wonderful and it's only going to have this family move forward in a more
37:30positive way. Bye-bye.
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