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The parents think that time-outs don’t work, so Nancy’s method of discipline is to lock the kids in their bedroom while they scream, and Teddy Sr.’s method is to surrender.
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00:00Hi, we're the Dumont family.
00:02I'm Teddy.
00:03I'm Nancy.
00:04We have four children.
00:05Timmy, he's 11.
00:07Four-year-old triplets.
00:08Teddy, Milo, and Jada.
00:12Stop hitting each other.
00:17It's all chaos.
00:19Putting holes in the wall, throwing on the walls.
00:21They will destroy things.
00:23We have three animals.
00:26Look at these triplets.
00:28Triple the trouble.
00:30I work as a police officer in Berkeley Township, New Jersey.
00:33I leave the house at 5.30 in the morning,
00:36and my wife, Nancy, has the kids all day.
00:42I'm just so overwhelmed.
00:44Nella, what are you doing?
00:45Come on.
00:46Keeping track of the triplets does get difficult.
00:50What is this?
00:51I mean, what about the safety?
00:54As far as discipline goes, we've tried everything.
00:56We've been trying to reason.
00:58We've tried timeouts.
00:59Nobody sets a timeouts for us.
01:02So because they don't listen to a timeout,
01:04I started to lock them in the room.
01:06How does that teach an effective timeout?
01:10Dinner's in the oven.
01:11I get home at 4.30, and then my wife, Nancy, she leaves to go to work at 5.30 at night, and I take over.
01:20Why are we knocking chairs over?
01:24It's a difficult change from going from my job, where I'm actually in control,
01:29to coming home having no control.
01:32Get down from there!
01:33It's tough to have four-year-olds walk all over you.
01:38You're gonna sit down right here and finish your dinner.
01:41No, I don't want it!
01:43I'm just to that point where I just don't know what to do with it.
01:47Boundaries, consequences, a warning.
01:53Timmy's the older brother, and he should be able to have some of his alone time.
01:57And the triplets never give it to him.
01:59I swear to God!
02:01I would like to have some one-on-one time with Timmy.
02:06It is very difficult with the other three.
02:09It's so exhausting that even when you get time to do something, you just don't want to do it.
02:15It'd be nice to see this older boy spending some time with his parents.
02:19It must feel a little bit short-changed, really, with the younger ones.
02:25This isn't a family life, what we have right now.
02:28I told you not to play with these doors!
02:30Every day is just so stressful.
02:33No!
02:34You wake up, seeing problems.
02:37What do you want to do?
02:39Every day just eats at you more and more and more.
02:43I don't see my husband lasting that much longer.
02:46I mean, he's, like, at the end.
02:49Super nanny, we really need your help.
02:51Sit tight, because Mom and Dad, I'm with my wife.
03:00Hello.
03:01Hi.
03:02Hi.
03:03Hi.
03:04Pleased to meet you.
03:05Nancy.
03:06Nice to meet you.
03:07Hi, Nancy.
03:08Pleasure.
03:09Hi, how are you?
03:10Hi.
03:11Very well, thank you.
03:12Pleasure to meet you.
03:13Hi, Teddy.
03:14I had tons of anxiety.
03:15How many things she's going to point out that I'm doing wrong?
03:17This is Timmy.
03:18Hi, Timmy.
03:19How are you doing?
03:20Good.
03:21Hi, Teddy.
03:22Nice to meet you.
03:23You want to shake my hand?
03:24No, you don't want to?
03:25Hi.
03:26This is Jada.
03:27She's all quiet.
03:28Everyone's quiet.
03:29This is Milo.
03:30Hi.
03:31I'm going to sit.
03:32I'm going to watch.
03:33I'm going to take some mental notes.
03:34Most importantly, just get on with what you would do normally during the day.
03:35Straight away, Mom started to get the kids involved in some fun craft time.
03:38Jada, are we going to sit down and do this, or what?
03:40But it seemed like, really, nobody was having any fun.
03:43Do you want to finish your picture, Jada?
03:45Yeah.
03:46Then take this off your fingers and stop touching it and use the glue stick and make
03:52your picture.
03:53What are you doing in this?
03:54Well, we don't have the other circle.
03:56Are you going to make your picture without it, yes or no?
03:59Are you going to make your picture without it, yes or no?
04:02No?
04:03And that's it.
04:04We're done.
04:05Help me!
04:06Help me!
04:07What's going on here?
04:08I mean, this is meant to be a creative outlet for the kids, and Mom's just getting more
04:11and more agitated.
04:12Yes!
04:13Yes?
04:14Then make your picture.
04:15What's stressing you out right now?
04:17The listening.
04:18My kids don't listen to me.
04:20It's funny that Mom claims that she loses patience with the kids because they don't
04:24listen to her, but in reality, she doesn't listen to them.
04:27All she does is yell.
04:29How does your anxiety come out?
04:31When I get to my point, I lock them in their room.
04:35I put a lock on the outside, and they get to the point where they scream.
04:41So Mom locks them in their room until they scream.
04:44How exactly is that teaching the kids right from wrong?
04:47The things that go on in here, I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown.
04:53Since craft time is over, Mom decided that she'd take the kids out to let off some steam.
04:59However, when I went out a few minutes later, Mom was nowhere to be seen.
05:03Where is the family?
05:04Well, there's one.
05:05Hi.
05:06Where's Mom?
05:07I was digging a hole.
05:08I was digging a hole.
05:09Oh, you're digging a hole.
05:10I think I'll look for her.
05:12This is a little bit concerning to say the least.
05:14There are two kids that are not supervised.
05:16Mom's nowhere to be seen, and no one knows where Teddy's run off to.
05:19Where is Teddy?
05:21I don't know.
05:22He was running.
05:23Did Mom not say where she was going?
05:25Come on.
05:26I mean, this is a joke.
05:27I mean, you've got a backyard, you've got a forest on one side and a road on another,
05:32and these kids are not being supervised.
05:34Teddy!
05:35I barely started my observation when Teddy, one of the triplets, got missing.
05:41Where's Teddy?
05:43He's not back there.
05:46Teddy!
05:47Teddy's here!
05:49There he is.
05:50Now, what's the problem?
05:53What's the problem?
05:54You can't find one of your children.
05:56Your kids don't ask for permission to go outside, and when you are out with your kids,
06:01you're not supervising them.
06:03Come on.
06:04I mean, this is absolutely ridiculous.
06:12Now that we had all the kids rounded up, we went back into the house where it was playtime,
06:16and I had a chance to see the triplets interact with their older brother, Timmy.
06:21Timmy.
06:22He's shot him down to the front.
06:24Remember year 11?
06:25I've caught him a few times, like, looking to see if anybody's watching.
06:30Because he, like, tries to hurt them.
06:33You know, it's difficult for a firstborn to accept any new addition into the family, let alone triplets.
06:40So I was really curious to see Dad's take on how he felt Timmy has actually dealt with this situation over the years.
06:46Obviously it all changed when the three came along.
06:49All the attention went from him having everything to him having very little.
06:57Did you feel that?
06:58Of course.
06:59What do you think he's losing out with regards to what you can give him as a dad right now at this particular moment?
07:05Well, he's losing out on a lot of quality time.
07:07A lot of little things.
07:09It's memories.
07:10Memories that you have.
07:12You know, that kind of stuff.
07:14But that's emotional for you, because I can feel it here.
07:16You're feeling quite emotional about that.
07:18You really feel like you're not able to have that with him right now.
07:20That's true.
07:22We've had a kind of rocky relationship.
07:25A lot of it's my own fault for not putting in more effort.
07:31Yeah.
07:32Maybe you can help us out.
07:35It's going to be really important for me to get Dad's relationship back on track with Timmy,
07:39because if we don't, the resentment's just going to get worse.
07:43Mummy's got to go, okay?
07:46That evening it was time for Mum to go off to work and leave the kids with Dad.
07:51The one thing is, is like, they've been playing outside all day, and they're dirty.
07:55He doesn't do bath.
07:57He doesn't do bath?
07:58No.
07:59Who does bath?
08:00I only give him baths.
08:01He's never given anybody a bath.
08:02I don't do baths.
08:03You don't do baths?
08:04No.
08:05He never has.
08:06It's too, uh, too stressful.
08:08Stress?
08:09But it's all right for Mum to have to bath these kids before she goes off to work.
08:13What about a little bit of teamwork?
08:14Hi, honey.
08:17Good luck.
08:18Thanks.
08:19All right.
08:20Good night, guys.
08:21I'll see you later.
08:22Mum was barely out of the door when these kids started to kick off, and it just made me
08:26realize that Dad is way out of his depth.
08:29Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
08:30What are we doing here?
08:31What are we doing here?
08:32Why are we doing this here?
08:33Come on.
08:34Yeah!
08:35Three, two, three, three, four, three, four, three, four.
08:40Now I'm chasing them, trying to grab one, pull the one, trying to grab the other one.
08:45It's very frustrating.
08:46Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
08:48Why is this like this?
08:49What is that?
08:50I don't know.
08:51It's water.
08:52It smells like peepees.
08:54There's a zoo pee in here.
08:55All right, get out of here.
08:56Get out.
08:57Stop.
08:58Can I watch it?
08:59Stop it.
09:00Leave it alone.
09:01My spot is like...
09:02No.
09:03Get out of here.
09:04All right.
09:05No more throwing stuff.
09:06No more throwing stuff at each other.
09:07Come on.
09:08Come on.
09:09I tell you, I felt dizzy watching this dad.
09:11I mean, he doesn't know whether he's coming or going.
09:13I've certainly got my work cut out here.
09:15Fire.
09:16Kimmy, what did you say?
09:17He just drew something at me.
09:19Stop it.
09:21Eventually, dad just surrendered.
09:23Time for bed.
09:24Let's go.
09:25No!
09:27Quite frankly, I've seen enough and I really do hope that mum and dad are ready for this
09:31because tomorrow I'm putting law and order into this house.
09:43Hi.
09:44Hi.
09:45Going into the meeting with Gel, I have a lot of anxiety.
09:48I don't really know what she's going to talk to us about.
09:51You're both, as parents, feeling very helpless.
09:55You've got not double the trouble but triple, right?
09:58Yes.
09:59I want to talk about safety because, you know, you should have locks on both your side and
10:03your front door so that your kids start to learn to ask permission to go out and when
10:07they are, they're supervised so they're not just running out.
10:11They've got used to doing that because they've had no follow through with any kind of rules
10:16that have been put in place.
10:18No.
10:19Your pushover's the pair of you when it comes to your kids' behaviour.
10:23There is no discipline.
10:24There is no consequence.
10:25They're not being guided by the pair of you in your expectations of behaviour.
10:31Without rules, behaviour spirals out of control.
10:34You know that, Teddy.
10:35You deal with it every day.
10:36That's true.
10:38Why don't you both want to discipline?
10:41Because you don't do it.
10:43It's not that we don't want to.
10:45We just, it's, it is very difficult.
10:47I do.
10:48I just don't do it the right way.
10:49I mean, I just put them in their room because they will not sit in a time-out for me.
10:53Because you're not doing the time-out properly.
10:56Well, yeah, obviously.
10:58Yeah, I'm not doing anything properly.
11:00That's why I just put a lock on the side of their door and...
11:03You're frustrated, tired and it's leading you to not have patience with the kids.
11:10Jada, with the crafts yesterday, didn't feel encouraged by you because you came to the table thinking,
11:17it's going to be a disaster.
11:19Not only are you shortchanging them, but you're shortchanging yourself.
11:22Just come to the table with a little bit more than what you're coming with right now.
11:25Because if you can give a little bit more, they'll give you a lot back.
11:29It's true.
11:32Let's talk about yourself and the kids, Ted, because I certainly see a lack of you really understanding what they need
11:40and just being able to manage them and have the afternoon with them.
11:43Yes, I walk around aimless and confused and lost.
11:48Yeah.
11:49Why do you think that is?
11:50You know, I have a stressful job, so, you know, I go home from that and I tend to be aloof,
11:56preoccupied thinking about something bad happen or whatever.
12:00You're dealing with high-level stress.
12:05It's a difficult transition, you know, from going from that to, you know, it's hard.
12:10It is, but you have to be able to realize that you can do what you can do when you're at work
12:16and when you're home, you need to be able to focus on your home.
12:19Yeah, that's true.
12:22Let's talk about Timmy because he is the eldest.
12:26Certainly, for a very long time, had been the apple of everybody's eye.
12:30Then along came three. Not one, but three.
12:33It's a lot.
12:34It was hard on him.
12:36He loves his brothers and sister.
12:39But what I see is resentment that's fueled by anger.
12:42He is angry.
12:44But he's also a boy that needs his father.
12:46He's a boy who needs a very positive role model.
12:52What do you really want with Timmy?
12:56I want a normal father-son relationship.
12:59Doing things together, going places together.
13:02I'm telling you right now that you can have that in a heartbeat.
13:05It will take work, but you can have that.
13:08Because Timmy wants it.
13:10He just doesn't know it right now.
13:12Because he's lived so long with not having it.
13:15Are we ready?
13:16Yes, we're ready.
13:17I think we are.
13:18Yeah?
13:19I'm ready for it.
13:20All right, good.
13:22Safety's a really big issue in this house.
13:24I mean, these kids are used to just running in and out.
13:28And these parents don't know where these kids are.
13:30Ready!
13:32So before I started teaching in the house, I wanted to make sure that these kids couldn't
13:36get out of it.
13:37This side door, obviously, is one that they run out of.
13:41And the front door as well.
13:42So what we should do is put a lock so at least if we're in the house, we know, especially
13:46with the size of this house, that once that's shut, that's shut.
13:49So we know they're in the house somewhere.
13:51I've been wanting to do that for a while.
13:53Unfortunately, that door is quite expensive and I didn't want to put a hole in there.
13:59A hole in the door?
14:00What about losing one of your kids?
14:03You can't manage your kids.
14:05And the first and foremost priority is safety.
14:08So I didn't start your own hole in the door.
14:11Well, either that, mate, or you can be going down to police and trying to look for a missing
14:14child, one or the other.
14:16I'll tell you now, I know which option I'm looking for.
14:18Prevention.
14:19You killed me.
14:22But I didn't want to drill a hole in the doors.
14:25That's not something I want to do.
14:33That hurt.
14:34You're still hurting, aren't you?
14:36I'm...
14:37I'm happy that it's...
14:39I'm going to stop.
14:40I'm going to leave the house.
14:42No, no.
14:43Definitely.
14:44No, you're hurting the door.
14:46The door hurts.
14:47You're feeling it because the door hurts.
14:48I just want to do something else.
14:49Do you want to do something else?
14:50I'll tell you what.
14:51Come on, then.
14:52I'll tell you something else.
14:53If Dad thought that putting a lock on the door was hard, oh, he's got another thing coming.
14:56See that black car there?
14:57Hmm?
14:58You see where I am?
14:59Yes.
15:00Okay.
15:01If your kids get out the door because you ain't got the lock on, that's what you're going
15:03to be doing.
15:04Give me ten of those.
15:05Run!
15:06Come on!
15:07What?
15:08Give me ten.
15:09Back and forth to the car.
15:10Run?
15:11Yeah.
15:12Ten.
15:13Move it!
15:14That's what you're going to be doing if your kids get out because you don't want to
15:15put a lock on that fancy door.
15:16One.
15:17This is two.
15:18Come on.
15:19Three!
15:20I'm an old man.
15:21He looked at me like, you're going to cut me some slack here.
15:23And I was like, no, another one.
15:24And another one.
15:25And another one.
15:26And another one.
15:27You weren't running this slow in the academy.
15:29Come on!
15:30Joe was proving a point.
15:32And the point came through loud and clear.
15:36So locks on the door, shall we take them off?
15:38Oh, come on.
15:39Oh, my God.
15:43With Dad now taking steps forward to making sure these kids can't get outside, I need
15:47Mum and Dad to restore some law and order inside.
15:50Rules.
15:51They need them.
15:53Because when you're able to give kids rules, they know where the boundaries are.
15:58So I had Mum and Dad come up with some rules that they thought would be really important
16:03for the kids.
16:04No hitting or biting each other.
16:06What other rule is a no-no?
16:09Going outside.
16:10Yeah.
16:11And going to the street.
16:12Yeah, exactly.
16:13For safety.
16:14We've established the rules and it's really important now for these parents to be able
16:18to convey those rules to these little ones.
16:21They need to understand their parents have clear expectations of behavior and that if
16:26these rules are broke, then there'll be consequences.
16:29See this?
16:30See all the green plates up there?
16:32These are the new rules of the house.
16:35No hitting or biting.
16:37But as soon as Mum started to read out those rules to the kids, they made it very obvious
16:42that they just didn't want to hear it.
16:44Okay guys, so the next rule here is you guys are not allowed to run outside without
16:50Mommy or Daddy with you.
16:53No it isn't.
16:54Another rule, you can't write on the walls.
16:58You can ask Mommy and Daddy for crayons and you'll be able to sit at the table.
17:02Stop talking!
17:03Sorry, what did you just say?
17:05Stop talking!
17:07No, I won't be stopped talking.
17:09No, stop it!
17:10No.
17:11Don't, don't, don't.
17:12Stop it!
17:13This is just him behaving this way because this is the first time that the adults in
17:18the house have stepped up and said, actually we've got some expectations and they haven't
17:23had that.
17:24So of course these guys automatically have started to react to what you guys are laying
17:30down here.
17:31Things are changing in this house and these kids are going to put up some kind of a fight
17:35which means that Mum and Dad are going to stand up strong together.
17:38This is going to be their timeout bench and they'll either all be sitting on it or one of them
17:42would be sitting on it.
17:44If all three are in trouble, you can either discipline all three of them at the same time
17:49or you can take turns.
17:51As long as it gets done and you follow through, then the discipline has happened for each child.
17:57I presented Mum and Dad with the steps of timeout and to follow through with the sorries
18:02and the hugs and the kisses.
18:03These steps all have a purpose.
18:05So you can't jump from one to five or just go straight in at two.
18:09Start at the top and work your way down.
18:12We've tried a timeout in the past and they've never been receptive to timeouts.
18:17I could be wrong.
18:18It may work after we go through all these other steps.
18:22I'm hoping, but I just have my doubts.
18:25Who did this?
18:26I don't know.
18:27The next afternoon, Mum realised that one of the rules had been broken, but she didn't
18:37know which triplet had done it.
18:38Who did the black drawing?
18:39I did it.
18:40Who did the purple one?
18:41I did it.
18:42Who did the purple one?
18:43I did it.
18:44Okay.
18:45And who put the water on the floor?
18:47I washed it.
18:48Right.
18:49So did you do the drawing though?
18:51Did you do that bit?
18:52I did the drawing and I didn't put water on the floor.
18:55Okay.
18:56Really?
18:57Obviously the triplets weren't going to admit to anything, so I needed to use another tactic.
19:02I want a serious conversation.
19:04Okay.
19:05Where do we draw?
19:07Do we draw on walls or do we draw on paper?
19:10Which is the right thing to do?
19:11Paper.
19:12Paper's the right thing to do.
19:14Do we lie to Jojo, Mummy and Daddy, or do we tell the truth?
19:19What's the right thing to do?
19:21Choose.
19:22Teddy, did you draw on the floor?
19:25No.
19:26No.
19:27Did you put the water though on the floor in the bathroom?
19:29Yeah.
19:30You did.
19:31Milo, did you draw on the floor?
19:34Um, yeah.
19:35You did.
19:36Jada, did you put water on the floor or draw on the floor?
19:40Which one did you do?
19:42Draw on the floor.
19:44You put the water on the floor.
19:45Jada, look at me.
19:46I am really happy that you told Jojo the truth, and that's really important to tell the truth.
19:52I never get the truth out of the kids.
19:55My mouth, like, freaking fell on the floor.
19:57I couldn't believe it.
19:58But all three of you know that you're not allowed to draw on the floor.
20:04That you're not allowed to put water on the floor.
20:07That's breaking the rules.
20:08We all know the rules.
20:09Okay?
20:10So this is what's going to happen.
20:12You all three are going to do time out right now.
20:16Do you understand me?
20:17Okay.
20:18Follow me.
20:19All three of you in time out.
20:20Let's go.
20:21Come on, we know to do the right thing.
20:22You're here in time out because you know you're not supposed to draw on the floor.
20:27It's not the right thing to do.
20:28Now you'll stay here.
20:29Let me set the timer, please.
20:32Tell me what you just learnt from what you've just watched.
20:35Why did they decide in the beginning not to tell me the truth and then to tell me the truth?
20:39She didn't accuse them.
20:40She asked them their own opinion.
20:41Correct.
20:42Exactly.
20:43What it does is encourages each one of your children to think about making the right decision.
20:50They start to think.
20:51Their brains start to work.
20:53And that's what we want them to do as parents.
20:55We want them to think for themselves.
20:56So that later on in life, they know what's right.
20:59Joe really set the light bulb off in my head.
21:03I can get through these kids.
21:05We can get through these kids.
21:07After the kids did the four minutes, I showed up.
21:11Mom and Dad had to finish a proper timeout.
21:14The reason why you were put on this bench is because you were breaking the rules.
21:20I need an apology, please, from all of you for breaking the rules.
21:23What do you say?
21:25Daddy.
21:26Thank you, Teddy.
21:27Thank you, Jada.
21:28Daddy.
21:29Thank you, Milo.
21:30Come here.
21:31Hugs and kiss.
21:32I want to give you hugs and kiss.
21:33I want to give you hugs and kiss.
21:35All right.
21:36I mean, let's face it.
21:37The penny's dropped now.
21:38These kids realize when they misbehave, there is discipline.
21:41It's up to Mom and Dad now to follow through.
21:47I want an orange.
21:48You want orange salad dressing.
21:50We say, if we want orange dressing, please, Mommy.
21:52Okay?
21:53Please.
21:54Milo, did you say that?
21:56No, you didn't.
21:58I did.
22:00Despite the rules and discipline that's in place, I noticed at dinner time that Dad
22:05was still allowing these kids to disrespect him.
22:08I didn't hear it.
22:09Yeah, you did!
22:10I just couldn't understand why this man, a police officer, no less, was allowing his
22:15kids to walk all over him.
22:17Ted, come with me for a moment, please.
22:19Until he starts demanding respect, he's not going to get nowhere.
22:23So, if you were on the street and somebody disrespected you, somebody come up to you and went,
22:30you're a punk-ass policeman, what would you do?
22:32I would start patting them down.
22:35You wouldn't tolerate it?
22:36No.
22:37But in that house, you've got little kids who are shouting at you and you think that's
22:42okay.
22:43Where's your respect for yourself?
22:45I could see a glaze over Dad.
22:57It's like he wasn't really present with the conversation that was being said.
23:01I didn't understand why that was until I caught a whiff of his breath.
23:06How many beers or drinks did you have this afternoon?
23:09A couple of beers at lunch.
23:11Ted, I can smell it on you, mate.
23:13I'm here to help you, but I've got you drinking while I'm trying to teach you.
23:18That ain't working for me, Ted.
23:20I know that Dad's under a lot of stress, but this is no excuse for him to go off and
23:25have a couple of beers while I'm there trying to help this family.
23:29I cannot help you if what you are going to do is sabotage this because you're going
23:34to go and have a drink somewhere and come back and be intoxicated where I can't even
23:39penetrate through to you, then I'm flogging a dead horse.
23:42Give me one reason why I don't walk out of this house right now and say I'm not going
23:46to help you because if you can't take yourself seriously, then why should I?
23:50Why should I take you seriously right now?
23:52You've got a wife in there right now who desperately needs help from me.
23:56You need my help.
23:58Your kids need the help.
24:00Yes.
24:01Give me one reason why I should still stay here because there are thousands of families
24:05right now that would want me in their house helping them.
24:08Seriously, this is no good.
24:10Whatever right now is making you feel that you need to escape with what's going on, okay?
24:16We can get you helpful, okay?
24:20I can get you help.
24:21I know Dad's under a lot of stress, but I simply cannot help him if he is not going
24:26to be 100% focused right now.
24:28Taylor, I can't work with someone who's having a few pints.
24:31It will not happen again.
24:32I need a promise, Ted, because you know what?
24:34Your promise.
24:35Get my word.
24:36It will not happen again.
24:37I promise that.
24:39She's right.
24:40Absolutely.
24:41And while she's here and while she's helping my family, I'm going to give her what she wants.
24:48I'm going to trust you on your word.
24:49Tomorrow's another day for us.
24:50Absolutely.
24:51And I want you to get a good night's sleep tonight so that you can learn from me.
24:55Yes.
24:56And that you can do your best.
24:57Yes.
24:58Let's go in.
24:59Yeah.
25:02Dad promised me that he was going to step up and I really do believe him.
25:11But I also understand that he's under a lot of stress, not just at home, but at work
25:16as well.
25:17So when everyone had a good night's sleep, I decided to talk to Dad about him getting
25:21some professional counselling for his stress.
25:24I've tracked down this number.
25:26It's the State Department of Personnel.
25:28As far as the job and its demands and being able to talk about that with professionals,
25:34I think would be really good for you.
25:36When Joe gave me the number, I did call him up.
25:38My name is Ted Devont from Berkeley Township.
25:41I believe that it is a step in the right direction.
25:45And in my profession, I believe everybody should have somebody to talk to.
25:49Got out there.
25:50You made the phone call.
25:51We'll wait for the people to call you back.
25:53It's a start.
25:54I'm glad you're doing it.
25:55It's going to take a lot of stress off of him and make him a better father, make him
26:00a better husband.
26:01And I'm very proud of him.
26:04Timmy and Dad's relationship is strained and what I need to do is bring them both together
26:13to make their relationship better.
26:15So I asked them both to sit down and write a list of activities that they would like
26:19to do together.
26:20So let's have a look at the end of what you've got.
26:22Going to the movies, playing soccer, play baseball, swimming, fishing.
26:27Ted you've got here.
26:29Go outside and kick the soccer ball around.
26:32Hang out, have pizzas and ice creams.
26:34What I believe we should do is get this ball rolling.
26:39What do you think about that, Timmy?
26:41I don't know.
26:44What do you mean you don't know?
26:45Well, have a think and then tell me what you do know.
26:47Timmy was a little bit nervous to talk about his situation with his dad, which means that
26:52Dad's going to have to move in and have this conversation with him first.
26:55He's feeling like he doesn't know how to be able to connect.
27:00What he won't do is come up to you and tell you how he's really feeling inside because
27:05he's too scared to do that.
27:06Yes.
27:07He doesn't know how you'll react.
27:09Just bring him in, father to son, and say, you know, I want to spend time with you.
27:15I just felt like we've been distant, and I love you very much.
27:18A lot of it's my own fault for not putting in more effort.
27:24This is on me.
27:25I have to do it, and I want to do it.
27:27You know things are changing.
27:29Yeah.
27:30Right here.
27:31As far as this stuff goes, with us spending some time together, we need to really start
27:36doing this.
27:37Okay.
27:38I am hoping for my dad, I mean, to do stuff in the future.
27:44Yeah.
27:45Dad's really making some positive moves forward.
27:57He's now getting professional help, and he's making amends with Timmy.
28:01But the reality is, Dad needs to learn how to handle these triplets.
28:06Mum goes to work four nights a week, and Dad's been palming off for four years.
28:11Mum doing bath time.
28:13We'll know more.
28:14Pajamas, towels.
28:15Round up the troops, upstairs.
28:17Oh, we can't bubble bath for what?
28:18Come on.
28:19Come on.
28:20Pants off when you get Teddy.
28:21Get him.
28:22Get him.
28:23What are you doing?
28:24I'm going to wash your hair.
28:27Daddy.
28:28Right.
28:29So now you can shampoo up this one.
28:30You look like a rooster.
28:31Use the washcloth.
28:32You just wiped his nose and put snot all over his head again.
28:34I did.
28:35What's hurting?
28:36My knees, my back, my head, my arms, my legs, my legs, my legs, my legs, my legs, my legs.
28:37Dad was a little bit overwhelmed, but I mean overall, he did really well, and I just hope
29:06And I just hope that he finds bath time more enjoyable
29:09so that he recognises this is a time
29:11when he can have fun with the kids.
29:13I feel you, I took a bath.
29:18I am going away for several days.
29:20Not one of you, both of you,
29:22have got to take turns in giving discipline.
29:23Safety of the house,
29:25you've got to have eyes at the back of your head.
29:26Hopefully it goes really well
29:28and we follow through with everything
29:30that she's taught us so far.
29:31Dad and Timmy time.
29:33That went really well today
29:34and I'd like to see more of that.
29:36It's going to be difficult
29:36and we're going to have to just get through it.
29:39See you later.
29:40Have a good night.
29:40Bye-bye.
29:41The DeMott family have made a lot of progress
29:43but they're not out of the woods yet.
29:45I know that when I'm gone for several days
29:46that these triplets are going to test their parents
29:49so I guess I'll get to see how they did when I get back.
29:56I've been away from the DeMott family now for several days
29:59and yes, I am very keen to see how well they did about me.
30:03I'm scared about watching this DVD with Jo.
30:05I hope it'll get you all that.
30:07Hi.
30:07Good morning.
30:08I'm sure that we've made a lot of mistakes
30:10but it'll be a learning process.
30:12Let's take a look at Dad and bath time.
30:14Yeah.
30:14Can't wait.
30:15Yeah, it's fun.
30:17Come on, I'm not chasing you guys.
30:20This is just a wash down.
30:22Where's that soap at?
30:23I don't know.
30:25Wash your body.
30:26Wash your body.
30:28I don't know.
30:29I don't know.
30:29I don't know.
30:29I don't know.
30:29I don't know.
30:29I don't know.
30:29I don't know.
30:30I don't know.
30:31Don't splash.
30:32Don't splash.
30:33Don't splash.
30:34Come on.
30:35Who's getting out?
30:36All right.
30:37Come on.
30:38It's time to calm down.
30:40Tell me about bath time.
30:42Trauma.
30:43But you're saying it with a smile on your face.
30:45What's happening?
30:47It's chaotic.
30:48They want me to chase them.
30:50They got no clothes on.
30:51You know what?
30:52You did a good job.
30:53It is going to be chaotic.
30:55But embrace it.
30:56I mean, that's bath time.
30:58Right now it's new for them.
30:59Yeah.
31:00It's new.
31:01And it's new for you.
31:02That's fair.
31:03Very new.
31:04But manageable or not?
31:05Oh, yes.
31:06I could do it.
31:08Good.
31:09Let's take a look at Dad and Timmy.
31:12Yay!
31:13Oh!
31:14Ow!
31:15Easy.
31:29It's so good!
31:30Oh!
31:31That's nice to see.
31:34You just hang out.
31:35Yeah, yeah.
31:36You've shown a willingness, you know, a commitment to having a plan.
31:40you know a commitment to actually carving that time out to spend with him you bond and you build
31:47a relationship and this was the beginning of that so i'm really proud actually that you realize how
31:52important this is i feel that he is coming around and so am i of course i'm pleased to see it because
31:59you know what he needs you he really needs you all right let's take a look at awareness here
32:05where is milo all of a sudden he's gone
32:10this is locked door's locked he couldn't have got outside
32:18milo there's nothing there
32:22i don't like you doing that don't hide it's gone missing it happens so often that we
32:34it's like kind of like second nature you've got locks on the door so you know that your kids are
32:39in the house however you still got count heads you've got still know where your kids are right
32:43right mom and discipline uh teddy put that in here
32:48teddy the game is over right now please put that in here
32:54i'm speaking to you put that in here
33:00this is going to be your warning now put this in the box so you go sit time out
33:04all right that's it you need to listen to mommy the first time being a good listener is part of
33:10our rules do you understand now sit here
33:16now
33:18now
33:20teddy mommy put you in there because you weren't paying attention going to the game
33:24do you understand so tell mommy you're sorry
33:29the looking away from you and the hmm that's attitude so that's what we need to nip in the bud
33:38there so what do you do at that point don't look at you before we even continue to talk he has to
33:44make eye contact yeah and it's your firm voice i said look at me right now i'm talking to you
33:49you're in time out okay you've done a good job compared to where you were when i first arrived but
33:55we're not at the woods yet i do want to work on discipline so we're ready to do some more work yes
34:00okay but get cracking then
34:02today teddy's going to follow through with seeing the professional counselor
34:08so that he can leave that stress at work where it belongs
34:11i want to get some games for you guys i think we should just kind of play in here
34:15with dad gone it gave me a wonderful opportunity to have play time with mom and the kids
34:20where they would all enjoy it which is something that mom used to struggle with in the past
34:24are you going to make your picture without it yes or no so who's ready to have some fun
34:28me me right all of us yeah thank you very much teddy we heard you hi timmy want to play
34:35four kids four buckets this is going to be your bush milo the blueberry teddy you're going to have
34:42the apple tree we were playing for maybe not even five minutes and teddy didn't want to listen
34:48just being disruptive teddy put it back
34:51you know what teddy what teddy look at me please if you can't play the game teddy look at me while
35:02i'm speaking to you please if you can
35:04you see that you see that he's laughing yeah he thinks that he can behave this way and get away with
35:11it no not happening joe said just don't tolerate that he goes right into time out so that's what i
35:17did look at me we're playing a game and you're fooling around now sit down and you're going in time out
35:23you put teddy down in the chair he wants to stand back up just wants to be defiant don't even worry
35:31about that okay come back over here and set your alarm teddy tried to provoke mom just push it back
35:37but she kept her cool and he did his four minutes
35:40teddy do you understand why i put you here
35:44firm voice because you weren't paying attention to mommy while we were playing the game do you understand
35:51tell mommy you're sorry give me a hug
35:54would you like to play the game now okay go sit inside in front of your bush
36:00now that teddy knew that his mom meant business he stopped playing rebel and just started to play
36:06all right come on then teddy two two two apples the techniques that joe showed me will definitely
36:14help like anything else after a while it'll just get easier
36:18one all right teddy out of the way put your apple in the bucket
36:23later on till he got back from his therapy appointment and i was really excited to see how
36:32he got on as was mom what happened today when you went just i just told what was going on here and
36:39it was a real good experience so do you feel committed that it's a place that you're going to
36:44go to every week and and talk to him and feel comfortable going yes i'm gonna i'm gonna do it
36:50go on a regular basis this is just the beginning of course there's a lot to talk about
36:55it's a start yes it is we're headed in the right direction yeah we are
37:00i'm very proud of teddy in taking that step forward today and going and speaking with someone because
37:07it's really going to help them out
37:09as far as going to talk to somebody she's been asking me for a while now that really made her happy
37:20it's what's necessary you know everybody needs to reach out every now and then at some stage in their
37:25life you've got each other as well and that's that's what's important with every
37:28talk to somebody she's been asking me for a while now that really
37:37i made her happy it's what's necessary you know everybody needs to reach out every now and then
37:42at some stage in their life you've got each other as well and that's that's what's important with
37:46everything that you're learning here together this was a really big step for dad it's not easy to ask
37:53for help at times but i think you've realized how much he needed this and his family i'm really proud of
37:58him keep it out we will well i want lots of cuddles because i'm going now so i want to say goodbye where
38:08are you where are you where are you bye jojo you behave yourself all right thank you joe for giving
38:16me and my dad a chance to actually bond with each other i'll never forget you i won't forget you either
38:23saying goodbye joe is very difficult hey big man i feel like joe has left us in a very good place
38:30she has taught us so much i see you're welcome i know from here on in my family is going to be a lot
38:38i know from here on in my family is going to be a lot different take care
38:50so
38:50oh