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When Jo meets the parents for the first time, Sylvia admits that she wants to be the fun mother rather than discipline her children. The kids whine and constantly misbehave while the parents bribe their sons with junk food and sugary snacks to get them to behave
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00:00So I'm in busy Las Vegas, Nevada, ready to help a family double down on discipline.
00:06Let's take a look.
00:07Hi, we're the Federico family.
00:09I'm Sylvia.
00:10I'm Michael.
00:11And we have three sons.
00:13Dominic, age five, Michael, age three, and Vincent, age two.
00:18I'm a partner at one of the largest law firms in Las Vegas.
00:20I typically work 40 to 60 hours per week.
00:22And I'm home full-time with the kids.
00:26Are you going to help us now?
00:27Our discipline style is just basically wanting everybody just to get along.
00:33Michael, you go down the slide.
00:36Dominic, swing.
00:38When they throw tantrums, I will give in.
00:41I want to be a fun mom.
00:43I don't want to say no to my boys too much.
00:46So the driver will be the kid's friend, then parent.
00:48That's ludicrous.
00:49I'm not going to stop crying.
00:51Dominic, you let it go.
00:54I like to thank you for the children in exchange for them behaving and doing it.
00:57We say.
00:58Dominic, Michael, you guys were good.
01:00Who wants something?
01:01You've got your priorities all upside down.
01:03Give me a hand.
01:04Give me a hand.
01:04Hand.
01:05Hand.
01:05Hand.
01:06Hand.
01:06Hand.
01:07Hand.
01:07Hand.
01:08Hand.
01:08Hand.
01:08Hand.
01:08Hand.
01:08We typically don't like to go out with the children.
01:10They just don't want to behave.
01:12And no matter what you do, you can't stop it.
01:14Ah.
01:15Cookie.
01:15Cookie.
01:16Cookie.
01:16Cookie.
01:17If they're behaving badly, I will definitely bribe them.
01:20Everybody gets a cookie.
01:21Anything to get them to calm down.
01:23You're rewarding inappropriate behavior.
01:25What are they teaching these kids?
01:29Dominic is my big baby.
01:32He's very sensitive with his emotions, so he needs to be babied.
01:37Finish your piece.
01:39Here.
01:39Not good.
01:40How crazy is that?
01:42Mom!
01:43Mom!
01:43Mom!
01:44Mom!
01:44Mom!
01:45Super Nanny, we are at a breaking point with the children because they've taken control of
01:50our house.
01:51Hey!
01:52Super Nanny, please come help us.
01:54Okay, Mom and Dad, we're going to have to sort out discipline and get more control.
01:58I'll see you soon.
01:59Hello.
02:00Hello.
02:01Hi.
02:02Pleased to meet you.
02:03Jo.
02:04Hi.
02:05Can I come in?
02:06Can I come in?
02:07I am very excited to meet Jo.
02:08However, I am extremely nervous.
02:09Hi.
02:10Who do we have here?
02:11Vincent.
02:12He's two.
02:13And this is?
02:14Dominic.
02:15Hi, Dominic.
02:16Pleased to meet you.
02:17I'm Jo Jo.
02:18I'm five.
02:19You're five.
02:20Say hi.
02:21Pleased to meet you.
02:22Hi.
02:23Hi.
02:24Hi.
02:25Hi.
02:26Hi.
02:27Hi.
02:28Hi.
02:29Hi.
02:30Hi.
02:31Hi.
02:32So, first steps first.
02:33I guess I better look, right?
02:34Yes.
02:35And learn.
02:36On the taxi ride over, I saw that Mom and Dad baby Dominic quite a lot.
02:40So I'm very keen to see if Dominic can do any of those life skills on his own.
02:43Dominic, did you pick out your clothes today?
02:45Oh, no.
02:46No.
02:47Who picked it out for you?
02:48Did Mommy pick it out or Daddy?
02:49My Mommy.
02:50It was difficult for him to dress himself because he might not pick the right clothes,
02:55so I will help him out because I love babying my Dominic.
02:58Dominic is a really big boy for his age, so one thing we do have trouble with is clothes
03:05fitting his size because one day, you know, the same clothes won't fit that they may have
03:11fit like a couple weeks ago, so I will remain in control and pick his clothes for him.
03:16Right.
03:17And does that make it very difficult for him to get himself dressed as well?
03:19In the pants, I think so because we might not have the right fitting clothes.
03:23If Mom knows that some clothes are too small, why is she keeping them in the wardrobe?
03:28Dominic's five years old, he's more than capable of dressing himself.
03:34Mommy.
03:35After lunch, Mom went to put Vincent down for a sleep.
03:38Bye, guys.
03:39Then I saw Dominic fly to the pantry to grab something to eat, but he'd only just eaten.
03:46He's sneaking food.
03:47And then he hid underneath the table to eat.
03:50I wonder what Mom has to say about all this sneaky behavior when it comes to eating.
03:54Why are they sneaky with food?
03:56Well, Dominic, because I scold him about it.
03:58Do you scold him because of your concerns with food and the impact that it will make on his health?
04:04Yes.
04:05And he will sneak them.
04:06I will give him some because I like to control some of it.
04:10But then oftentimes I'll give him some and then I hear the chairs sliding towards the pantry.
04:17Do you think Dominic eats because he's hungry?
04:20If Dominic's just eaten lunch, yet he's going to grab more food, then there's something else going on here.
04:26And I need to get to the bottom of this.
04:29Michael, why don't you go down the side?
04:31A little later, Mom took the boys out to the back to play, but she wasn't pleased with the game that they chose.
04:37Don't go down with the golf club. Dominic, you cannot. Don't take the golf.
04:43Dominic, put the golf club down.
04:47You can't go down the slide with the golf club.
04:50Do they never listen to you?
04:51Rarely.
04:54And if they don't listen to you and they continue to misbehave, what is your form of discipline?
05:00Mine, I usually threaten them with a spanking. I'd never follow through with it because they're too old for a spanking.
05:06Why would you threaten a punishment if you actually are not going to follow through?
05:12At the end of the day, this Mom's form of discipline is basically nothing.
05:16OK, stop fighting, you guys. Let's go eat lunch.
05:19All right. Dominic hit you with the golf club?
05:23I'm sorry.
05:25What happened?
05:26He said Dominic hit him with the golf club and I said sorry to him.
05:30Why is Mum apologising? Don't you think it would just make sense if Mum had just got to the bottom of this issue and dealt with it properly?
05:39I'm just not seeing Sylvia's logic here.
05:45Hi, guys.
05:46Later on in the afternoon, Dad got home from work.
05:49Michael, Federico, nice to meet you.
05:50Hi.
05:51And he barely had time to say hello before Dominic started whining to try and get his attention.
05:56I just lay him in the front of my feet.
05:59OK, well, come over here.
06:01Talk to Mama about it. Maybe we'll get you something sweet to eat and make you feel better.
06:05I think he wants a Hurt Prize, Mama.
06:07A Hurt Prize? What's that?
06:10The Hurt Prize is basically some kind of sweet treat to make them happy.
06:16I use Hurt Prizes all the time.
06:19Let's be honest, all he's doing is using food as a pacifier.
06:24And that's going to create a really unhealthy relationship for Dominic with food.
06:30Now that I had the whole family together, I was really curious to see our mum and dad handled the kids out in public.
06:36So I asked them to prepare for a short outing.
06:39OK.
06:42So, juice.
06:45I'm a little bit confused right now because Sylvia's talking about the amount of snacks that these kids are eating
06:50and the health issues surrounding that, yet she's filled a backpack full of candy, enough to feed an army!
06:57I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I'd pull that sweet here and there, but that's a backpack.
07:00Yeah, no, I understood.
07:02We are both worried about taking the kids out in public, so we have a tendency to bribe them with sweets.
07:07Just bringing that stuff just in case there's an issue. Just in case there's an issue.
07:10Just in case there's an issue.
07:11These kids are just being fed candy to keep themselves at bay from their behavior because the parents won't step up and address that behavior. Ridiculous!
07:21Just a couple more snacks just to make sure.
07:33Michael with mum?
07:34He doesn't want to.
07:35Here.
07:36Michael, come with me.
07:37Look, it's time for you to go with mum, OK?
07:39Go.
07:40Yes, I said yes now.
07:41You have to.
07:42Here.
07:43Within minutes of arriving at the strip, the kids started complaining and on cue there was mum dishing out the candy.
07:50Listen, if I give you a piece of candy, will you come with me?
07:53I promise to give you guys something really good if you come with me.
07:57Here.
07:58You've already had how many today?
08:00I think that's an understatement.
08:03Understatement.
08:04Quite frankly, I'm appalled.
08:08It's unhealthy and it's irresponsible and these parents should be stepping up and actually dealing with the misbehavior when it happens out in public and not bribing the kids.
08:20Come on, Dominic.
08:21Come with me.
08:22Come on.
08:23No, your knee doesn't hurt.
08:24Every excuse in the book with him.
08:26Then all of a sudden, Dominic started to complain that his knee was hurting him and before my own eyes, there was Michael and Sylvia arguing about whether Dominic should go into the stroller.
08:37No, don't put him in the stroller.
08:39He wants to go in the stroller.
08:40Because you feel embarrassed?
08:41No, because I can't carry him, honey, for two miles.
08:45But hold on a minute.
08:46What's the distress there?
08:47You want to put him in there and you're going to hold him.
08:49No, he's faking him.
08:50There's nothing wrong with his knee, honey.
08:52There's really nothing wrong with his knee.
08:53He fakes it sometimes so we can sit down here.
08:56It's a little embarrassing pushing a child that big, but the bottom line is it's better than having a fit or just not being able to go where you want to go.
09:04So you think that Dominic should just walk?
09:06Yes.
09:07Legs hurting or not, just walk.
09:09Yes.
09:10But Mum went along with it anyway.
09:12At the end of the day, they're treating Dominic like a baby.
09:16It's absurd.
09:17So we got back home and I was thinking to myself, we're going to observe this family.
09:32Oh, no.
09:33Michael and Sylvia, they've got other plans for the evening.
09:36Let's go.
09:37Are you guys ready?
09:39Where are you going?
09:40In the gym.
09:41Like, are you all going or you got a nanny coming in?
09:43They have childcare and they have jumpy houses and slides.
09:47It's seven o'clock in the evening, these kids are two, three and five and instead of them winding down, these kids now are being dragged off to the gym.
09:57I've seen enough.
09:58All right, well listen, get your sneakers on, do what you need to do and I will catch up with you both tomorrow morning then.
10:06Do the Fredericos have any interest in getting their parental skills up to scratch?
10:12I don't know, to be honest.
10:13I'm going to have some serious words with them tomorrow.
10:22We're getting ready for our sit down with Joe and I'm a little bit nervous.
10:26I'm expecting for her to really let us have it.
10:28So what time did we get back from the gym last night?
10:31Approximately 8.45, 9 o'clock.
10:34So what time did the kids get to bed then?
10:37Last night it was about 9.45.
10:40That to me is ludicrous.
10:43That children would even go to bed that late knowing they're not going to get their hours sleeping and what's necessary for school and their development.
10:51You guys have created for yourselves a lifestyle that doesn't really benefit the kids in fundamentally what's necessary for them.
11:01Let's talk about yourself Michael and your work because obviously you work long hours correct?
11:09Correct.
11:10So the time that you do have when you're with your family you want to be meaningful.
11:14But if you make choices to then go off to the gym and actually not spend that time with the kids when there is a small window.
11:22How does that allow you to develop a relationship with each one of the boys?
11:29Obviously it doesn't.
11:31Let's talk about behaviour out in public because watching the children's behaviour yesterday they actually don't listen to you and respect what you're asking them to do.
11:43Yes.
11:44What happens is that behaviour gets pacified with food.
11:48I mean I almost feel like I'm watching Shamu at some sea world.
11:52I mean the kids are bribed.
11:54Exactly the way it is.
11:56You're setting your kids up for absolute disaster.
11:59But we don't want that.
12:01These kids should be listening and doing as they're told.
12:04There are times when they're going to have to do that very quickly because of safety.
12:08How do they get a sense of morally behaving a certain way because it's the right thing to do?
12:14Not because you're going to get paid back.
12:16I just don't know what your logic is.
12:19It's a matter of just thinking that they're going to be happy that way and not be mad at us for scolding them or for trying to discipline them.
12:26I don't think none of you want to enforce that on the children.
12:29That's not true.
12:31It is true.
12:32We want to.
12:33I don't think you want to because I don't see any discipline at all for the behaviour that gets out of control.
12:38The kids behave the way they do and there is never once consequence for that.
12:43They're not learning the difference between right and wrong.
12:49I saw on a few occasions your kids sneaking food out of the pantry.
12:54Only a few?
12:55What needs to be really established here is healthy eating patterns and choices.
13:00Otherwise they're going to be grazing all day.
13:02The fact that they just go in and take what they want and sneak the food away.
13:08It's an unhealthy relationship with food because they were being bribed with it.
13:12Admittedly, yes.
13:13Let's take a look at the kids' development because I look at Dominic and I feel that everything's done for him.
13:20Everything's pandered for him.
13:21Oh, yes.
13:22He's not been given any little responsibilities.
13:25He needs to grow and to do things and become more self-sufficient rather than the babyish behaviour that we see from him and the temper tantrums that he has that one would expect from a two-and-a-half, three-year-old.
13:39Yes.
13:40You know, at the end of the day, how does he grow up to become capable of doing the things that are necessary for him to thrive?
13:48OK, so are we ready to start some work?
13:52Yes.
13:53OK, good.
13:54We want to do what's best for the boys and we'll do whatever it takes.
13:58The Fredericos clearly don't want to discipline their kids.
14:05They'd rather use food as a leverage to make them behave better.
14:10But I tell you now, it stops.
14:12They need to learn discipline and they need to learn it properly.
14:15OK, we're going to use the naughty corner.
14:17I'm going to show you how to do it properly.
14:19Sounds good.
14:20I took Mum and Dad through the steps.
14:22When the time has been done, you go back for a second time and you explain why they were putting time out.
14:28You then go for the apologies, hugs and kisses, and we walk on.
14:32But Mum noticed something at the corner of her eye.
14:36And I've lost your attention, so...
14:38No, because I think he did a swing, so I think Michael did a push towards Vincent.
14:42He did, so then that's what you...
14:43No contact.
14:44So then give him a warning for that.
14:45Michael, remember we said no hitting and no pushing.
14:49OK?
14:50Vincent didn't hit you.
14:52Eye contact, always.
14:53Look at me.
14:55If you don't look at me, I'm going to put you in the corner and you're going to stay there until you're three.
15:02Give him a proper warning, because that wasn't a proper warning, what you gave him.
15:05OK.
15:06OK, you want eye contact, you're coming down to his level, and you're using the firm voice that I know you already have there.
15:11OK.
15:12Stop, Michael.
15:14Michael, look at...
15:15Stop.
15:16What?
15:17OK.
15:18I don't know what to do when he's struggling.
15:22I don't like to raise my voice or sound mean or anything.
15:25I want you in a very firm voice.
15:27OK, say to him, Michael, I want you to come here right now, otherwise you are going straight into timeout.
15:34I am giving you a warning.
15:35Come here right now.
15:36You need to come here right now.
15:37You need to listen to me.
15:38I wasn't putting you in timeout.
15:39Otherwise, you are going into that corner.
15:40So, you have a choice.
15:41He doesn't.
15:42Michael refused to listen, so he went straight into timeout.
15:49Michael refused to listen, so he went straight into timeout.
15:52Yeah.
15:53The rules are you have to listen to Mama.
15:56I want to listen to Mama.
15:58Yes, but now you are in timeout and you're going to stay in the corner.
16:01I'm not in timeout.
16:02Yes, you are.
16:03No.
16:04Move away.
16:05Set the timer.
16:06And when he moves out the corner, you're going to put him back.
16:08Set the timer.
16:09OK.
16:10Don't talk to him.
16:11Take him by his hand and bring him straight back.
16:13Take him by his hand and bring him straight back.
16:15You're sorry?
16:16OK, good.
16:17That's good.
16:18I'm glad you're sorry.
16:19I'm very happy that you're sorry.
16:21No, I'm good.
16:22He's saying sorry, but you're going to stay in the corner.
16:24I'm sorry.
16:25Or no?
16:26I'm not happy that he's sorry.
16:28What are we doing?
16:29Well, putting him back in the corner.
16:30What did I say to you?
16:31Not to speak to him.
16:32Don't speak to him at all.
16:34Sylvia just wasn't getting it.
16:36I said don't talk to him, and then she goes ahead and she talks to him.
16:39I mean, no parent likes to discipline, but you have to do what's right.
16:44When you've put them in the corner and they realise that you're being very serious, the
16:49first thing they're going to do is go, sorry, sorry, sorry.
16:51They should have listened in the first place.
16:53He knew.
16:54He just wanted to be defiant and not listen to you.
16:56One warning and him not listening is good enough.
16:59OK.
17:00Mum could hardly bring herself to discipline her son.
17:04I think she thinks if she disciplines her son, he's not going to love her anymore.
17:08When you go back, you're going to explain for the second time why he's in there.
17:13You were in the corner because you didn't listen.
17:15I love you.
17:16Say sorry.
17:17I love you.
17:18I love you.
17:19I love you.
17:20I love you.
17:21I love you.
17:22I love you.
17:23I love you.
17:24Come out the corner.
17:25What's done is done?
17:26I was happy that the time out was over because this, to me, was torture.
17:31Instead of mum and dad teaching Dominic to be more independent, they've been pandering
17:37to him.
17:38And it just is not teaching him the life skills that are necessary for him to learn.
17:42So I'm going to bring in an achievement board which really should encourage him.
17:46Wow.
17:47Wow.
17:48This is for you, Dominic.
17:50This is to keep track of all the things that you can do by yourself.
17:55So I sat down with mum and dad and I had them write out some tasks that he could proudly
18:01achieve himself.
18:02So, Russian hair?
18:03Mm-hmm.
18:04Pick his own clothes.
18:05That's marvellous.
18:06You're going to set up the clothes in his closet so that then he can just choose those.
18:11Okay?
18:12Do you know what we'll do, Dominic?
18:15Mum is going to put all your clothes down there and then you're going to pick an outfit,
18:19get yourself dressed into it.
18:21Okay?
18:22And show us how well you do.
18:23Ready?
18:24One, two, three, go!
18:27That's the one you picked.
18:29Okay.
18:30One.
18:31Button down.
18:32Button down.
18:33Okay.
18:34Dominic was very excited about getting dressed.
18:37He successfully buttoned his pants and got himself dressed.
18:42That's it.
18:43Look at you.
18:45I'm a big board.
18:47Woo-hoo!
18:48I hope that this board will be a constant reminder to mum and dad that Dominic is capable
18:52of doing much for himself.
18:54Get dressed.
18:55And so that they won't baby him as much.
19:00Yesterday I taught mum and dad how to do a proper time out.
19:05Today I'm going to get rid of all the unhealthy food that mum and dad have been enticing their
19:10children to behave better with.
19:12I want to take away the bribes.
19:14I want to take away all the stuff that basically you've been giving these kids so that they
19:19do listen.
19:20So you know what I'm talking about here, right?
19:21Of course.
19:22I'm talking about that cupboard there.
19:23I'm not sure if it'll all fit in that bag, but...
19:26I don't know.
19:27I guess we'll find out.
19:28You can help me then.
19:29Absolutely.
19:30When Joe came in with her bag, I was pretty excited just because we're all fixated on food
19:34and we have to straighten this out.
19:35Dad was very willing to help out and Dominic was watching from afar and all of a sudden
19:48he got very upset about it.
19:50We're lost.
19:51Sylvia, can you help me with Dominic?
19:52Don't use those for bribes.
19:53Sylvia, Dominic's upset.
19:54I got all again in there.
19:55Dominic?
19:56He's not happy, obviously.
19:57So let me just...
19:58Are you going to explain to him why?
19:59I'm going to.
20:00I don't want him to.
20:01I know, Dominic.
20:02Come with me.
20:03Give him the truth.
20:04We're taking this away because, give him the real reason why, okay?
20:19It's because it was used in the wrong way.
20:22I know that you like candy.
20:24I like candy too.
20:25Well, we're taking them.
20:27Sylvia.
20:28They already put it in a big hiding place.
20:31Sylvia, just be honest.
20:33I am being honest.
20:34You're not.
20:35Take accountability for it.
20:37Let Dominic know why.
20:39Be honest with him.
20:40So I just want to let him down easy and not have him flip out.
20:44Be honest with him because you're about to do things that are going to make things better.
20:48The only reason why he's upset is because you created this.
20:51I, yes.
20:52I agree with you.
20:53I'm not disagreeing with you.
20:54You're sitting there stalling about a conversation.
20:56I'm not stalling about it.
20:58I'm trying to talk to him.
21:00No, you're not.
21:01Stop fighting me and listen to what I'm saying, okay?
21:06Right now, in your mind, you want to sit here and modicoddle how he's feeling emotionally.
21:11Absolutely.
21:12And I'm saying don't.
21:13I felt like mum wasn't really addressing the situation.
21:16I felt like she was pacifying Dominic and myself and Michael were the bad cops because we were taking away the candy.
21:25The way that it's being dealt with, you're making a mountain out of a molehill and it's not fair for him.
21:29I don't want him to feel attacked, so I just want him to come.
21:32He's not going to be feeling attacked if we just deal with it.
21:35So that's why I'm giving him an opportunity to come also.
21:39Sylvia is making this into a far bigger deal than necessary.
21:43I know she gets it.
21:45She's just not doing it.
21:46Sylvia.
21:47Would you like to come?
21:48Sylvia, come with me right now.
21:49Sylvia.
21:50Yes.
21:51No.
21:52Well, I just want to let him down easy and not have him flip out.
21:59Be honest with him because you're about to do things that are going to make things better.
22:03And I knew she wasn't going to change her attitude.
22:05Sylvia, come with me right now.
22:07Yes.
22:08And at that point, I knew that I was going to have to get real tough with her.
22:13If you sit there and try and soften the blow for him, all right, you're making it seem like this is something that it shouldn't be.
22:22I'm here to help you and I'm here to help your family.
22:27Now you're either going to let me in and allow me to do it or you're going to send me home.
22:32No, I'm asking for your help.
22:35Then receive it.
22:37I was embarrassed that Jo called me out.
22:40She's like a judge, jury and an executioner all put together.
22:45Are you going to let me in or are you going to ask me to leave?
22:47No, please.
22:48Okay.
22:49After you then.
22:52This is not personal.
22:54I'm here to do a job.
22:55And at that moment, I think she realised that I was here to make sure that the job was done.
23:00If you're confident about what you're saying, okay, then what happens is Dominic goes,
23:05Oh, okay.
23:06Well, Mum obviously knows what's right and she's doing this because she's trying to make things better.
23:12So I'll follow Mummy's lead, okay?
23:14All right, come on, get in there.
23:15Let's do it.
23:16Let's do it.
23:17Come on, let's do it.
23:18Dominic is five years old and Mum needs to start talking to him as such.
23:23I just want to tell you that Mummy was wrong to give you guys too many sweets and candy.
23:29Well, I know I use sweets to make you listen to me, but now we're going to try other ways,
23:34okay?
23:35Give me five.
23:36All right.
23:38It was brief.
23:39It was to the point.
23:40It was perfect.
23:41Message hit home.
23:42No more drama.
23:45Even though the candy has been removed from the house, what I want to do is put a system
23:54in place that allows these kids to have their healthy daily snacks.
23:59Three jars for three young boys.
24:03And the reason why we have these jars, we put our snacks in our own jar.
24:09Then we're not going into the fridge or into the pantry, the cupboards, to eat the food
24:14that's in there, but we go to our own jar.
24:16I like the snack jars.
24:19In between breakfast and lunch, it's good for us to have a snack because otherwise it would
24:27be too long for us to have breakfast and wait for lunch time and we start to get hungry.
24:32And then between lunch time, after lunch time, and dinner time, we have another snack.
24:37What we're setting up here is to make sure that the kids are not grazing throughout the
24:41day and that they are eating healthy snacks.
24:44What I want you to be very conscious of is that they should be eating their fruits and
24:48their vegetables daily anyway.
24:50Okay, you guys.
24:51Come over here.
24:52I'm sick.
24:53Which one, Vinny?
24:54Which one?
24:55Mama, I get this one.
24:56Okay.
24:57And on fruit.
24:58Perfect.
24:59You did a good job, Dominic.
25:02The kids basically had free reigns in the cupboard, refrigerator, especially Dominic.
25:06Now that we have these jars, I think it gives us both a peace of mind knowing that he's at
25:10least in the path to having a more healthy lifestyle and eating better and not snacking
25:13all the time.
25:15There is no evening routine.
25:21Rather selfishly, mum and dad have been going off to the gym.
25:24Instead of realising the importance of these children getting the required sleep that is
25:30needed.
25:31And this has got to change.
25:32Typically what you would do is go off to the gym in the evening.
25:35Yeah.
25:36It means you get back incredibly late, which really doesn't serve these kids well of getting
25:40their rest, their growth, development.
25:43So I brought in a board and helped Michael and Sylvia set out an evening routine.
25:48So what time do we want them in bed, lights out?
25:51Eight o'clock.
25:52Oh, really?
25:53Yeah.
25:54Quite frankly, mum and dad can go to the gym during the week in the morning or on the
25:59weekends.
26:00What's most important is that they all come together as a family on weeknights.
26:05And I also want to make sure that I allocate some good time for spending time with dad.
26:10I have...
26:11Fishes.
26:12Fishes.
26:13In a bowl.
26:15So next I introduced a very fun way of being able to get dad and the boys active in the
26:22evening.
26:23You're going to use your imagination and the help of your little fellow men here to
26:28write down some creative ideas of what you can do when you come home.
26:32So they can then fish for those ideas.
26:35Let's put on this one race cars, okay?
26:38Race cars.
26:39Race cars.
26:40Okay.
26:41Let's put that in the fish pool.
26:43What idea do you want?
26:44Bowling.
26:45Bowling?
26:46How about campfire?
26:47Campfire!
26:48We roast marshmallows.
26:49We tend, right?
26:50Yes.
26:51Once all the fishes were in the bowl, there was just enough time to play one quick game
26:55before bedtime.
26:56So now I think what we're going to do is we're going to go fishing.
26:59Ah.
27:00Ah.
27:01Look at that.
27:02I like playing your fish pool.
27:05Wow.
27:06Campfire for Vinny.
27:07Let's light a fire, okay?
27:09We have to get some sticks.
27:10Use the space of your house, all right?
27:12Just spark their imagination.
27:13All right, guys.
27:14Come on.
27:15Whoa.
27:16Come on.
27:17Let's get some berries.
27:18Come on.
27:19Come with me, Michael.
27:20Oh, look.
27:21There they are.
27:22Over there.
27:23Right there.
27:24It's hot.
27:25Don't touch it, though.
27:26It's hot.
27:27No, Vincent.
27:28Don't touch it.
27:29It's hot.
27:30All right.
27:31Let's toast the marshmallows up, okay?
27:32I think the children were really surprised by how much fun we could have with imagination
27:37and being by this artificial fire.
27:39The kids really got into it.
27:40Come on, Vincent.
27:41Oh, no.
27:42Run from the bears.
27:43I think Dad's off to an excellent start, and he just needs to honor that playtime so
27:47that he can bond with the boys because they've so been missing.
27:50Run, run.
27:51Run for the fire.
27:52Run, Julia.
27:53Michael and Sylvia, I'm going to leave for several days.
27:58Homework.
27:59Snack jars.
28:00Evening routine.
28:01Dad, quality time.
28:02Tell me why that's important.
28:03For me to bond with my boys.
28:04Out in public without the candy.
28:06Come on, listen.
28:07I'm worried that Sylvia may not have the time and patience to really follow through
28:13with discipline.
28:14Michael.
28:16Okay, quality time, okay?
28:17Quality time.
28:18Absolutely.
28:19Working with the Fredericos has been tough, I can tell you that much.
28:21And leaving for several days, I just don't know what I'm going to see when I get back.
28:27Bye-bye.
28:28I just hope that Mum and Dad stick with what they've been taught.
28:30Because I tell you, if they don't, I'm coming back to a right mess.
28:33When I first started working with the Fredericos, I was absolutely shocked with the way that
28:38they were babying their five-year-old.
28:40Finish your piece.
28:41Here.
28:42And then on top of it all, bribing their kids to behave.
28:46Michael, come with me.
28:47Listen, if I give you a piece of candy, will you come with me?
28:50Now that I've been gone for a few days, it's just fingers crossed that Mum and Dad
28:56haven't gone back to their old ways.
28:58How confident are we feeling watching this?
29:00I feel okay.
29:01I hope that we're going to be happy with what we see, and hopefully Joe will be happy
29:05with us.
29:06Let's take a look at Dominic's achievement, all right?
29:08Okay.
29:09Wow.
29:10What a nice job.
29:12Come with the way Mama does it.
29:15Brush.
29:19Look.
29:20Brushed your hair right here.
29:21And you just brushed your teeth.
29:23Brushed my teeth.
29:24And you also just got dressed.
29:26Give me five.
29:27Good boy.
29:28Good boy.
29:30Okay, so it is fantastic to see him actually doing more for himself.
29:33He's picked up the ball.
29:34I mean, he takes the initiative.
29:36I'm really pleased that he is doing that, because we're just going to see more and more
29:39from Dominic, which is really promising.
29:41Let's move on to out in public.
29:43Hey, you guys are doing a good job by holding Papa's hand.
29:47You guys are being so good, we get to look around today.
29:50See if you guys are going to listen to me.
29:52All right.
29:53You guys going to hold my hand?
29:54Yay!
29:55Yay!
29:56You guys are holding Mama's hand and everything.
30:00See your shoe back there.
30:02Here.
30:03Here you go.
30:04Stay here, Michael.
30:05Hey!
30:06What happened with the escape?
30:08You were lucky there, obviously, that there was no traffic, but the reality is that when
30:18that happened, what you should have done is actually just straight away spoke to him about
30:22that, so that it's fresh in his mind and he knows that when you say stay, that he's
30:26to literally do that.
30:27What I did notice, which was lovely, is that actually you swapped around with the kids,
30:31so you worked really well as a team there, and there was lots of praise, Sylvia, which
30:36we need in abundance, so I'm really happy to see that because that really made a difference
30:41with the boys.
30:42Okay, so let's move on to quality time.
30:45You guys want to do fishing?
30:47Yeah.
30:48Look, I got something.
30:50Bowling, it says.
30:52Bowling!
30:53Here.
30:56Hey, you got eight.
30:57Yeah.
30:58Bowling.
31:00Bowling!
31:01Oh, whoa!
31:02How many did you get?
31:03Seven?
31:04I got it!
31:05Oh, no, Michael did it!
31:06No, you did it.
31:07You got three of them.
31:08Oh, oh, no, no!
31:09Vincent knocked them!
31:10Oh, no!
31:11They all got knocked over.
31:12We gotta set them up again.
31:14I have to say, Michael, look at the kids and their faces, speak a thousand words, so I
31:18hope you're actually very proud of what you've achieved there, and everybody benefits
31:22from that.
31:23Everybody.
31:24Seems to be working out.
31:25Yeah, they like the fishbowl.
31:26They talk about it all day.
31:27All right, let's move on to snacks.
31:29I think it's time for a snack, so look in your jar, see what you picked out, and take
31:34it.
31:35That's your snack.
31:39Lovely.
31:59Did you sneak one?
32:10No.
32:11I hope not.
32:12Oh, my goodness.
32:13We're going in.
32:14That actually, Dominic is sneaky with food.
32:16And what we don't want is that habit to increase.
32:19We want it actually to go.
32:21So, we've gotta take it as read that if our backs are turned, that we know he's gonna try
32:25and sneak food.
32:26We stop that by being able to recognize that it's a given he'll do that.
32:30So, turn around in the beginning and say, you know, no taking out of the bowl, but what
32:33I'll do is, you know, I'll leave you the spoon afterwards.
32:36But you just make sure that it's minimum, you know?
32:39Does that make sense?
32:40Yes.
32:41Yes.
32:42Okay.
32:43Mum discipline.
32:44You need to put your dinosaurs away or I'm putting you in time out and that's it.
32:47No!
32:48No!
32:49Then put your dinosaurs away.
32:51Do you see what happened there?
32:52Yes.
32:53Is she talking to his eyes or the back of his head?
32:55Right.
32:56As soon as he goes to walk away, you're like, back here.
32:59Okay.
33:00Just drop it.
33:01Okay, thank you for telling me that Michael is not putting away the dinosaurs.
33:06Stay in the time out, please.
33:08Yes.
33:09No!
33:10You need to listen to me.
33:11And that's it.
33:12Not no.
33:13I don't want to.
33:14I don't want to either, but you're not listening to me.
33:16No!
33:17I don't want to.
33:18Get back in there.
33:19Listen to you.
33:20You need to stand here.
33:21I'm starting.
33:22Yeah.
33:23Sorry.
33:24You got a time out because you didn't listen to me.
33:27Say sorry.
33:28Sorry, mama.
33:29I don't want to.
33:30For not listening.
33:31No.
33:32And not helping.
33:33No.
33:34Give me a kiss.
33:35Give me a kiss.
33:40That wasn't a correct time out, was it?
33:43Probably not.
33:44He said, I don't want to do time out.
33:45And you said.
33:46I don't want to either.
33:47Right.
33:48No, you do want to.
33:49Okay.
33:50You do want to do it because he didn't listen to you.
33:52You made your own rules up.
33:53If we don't get the discipline right and we don't get those steps underneath your belt,
33:58you'll end up back in square one by the time I've even left this door.
34:01So, not through the woods yet, but certainly on our way, right?
34:05Certainly on our way.
34:06I don't want to.
34:07I don't want to.
34:08I don't want to.
34:09I don't want to.
34:10I don't want to.
34:11I don't want to.
34:12I don't want to.
34:13Mum's discipline is still a little bit on shaky ground.
34:16And well, let's face it, dad really hasn't done it because he's been at work.
34:19A refresher?
34:20Hmm.
34:21I think that's needed.
34:22So, I have here a quiz for mum and dad.
34:26So, I'm going to ask you guys to come into the next room because I want to see exactly
34:31how much you've learnt whilst I've been here.
34:35We are going to start with discipline.
34:39What are the steps of time out?
34:41One, warning with the explanation and eye contact.
34:45Two, the time out.
34:47Three, the explanation again after why he's been in a time out and then hugs and kisses.
34:52Okay, this one goes across to Sylvia.
34:55How many warnings do you give before you put your child in time out?
34:59Sylvia!
35:00One.
35:01Yes!
35:02Okay!
35:03It was fun playing around a game show with my husband.
35:07I knew most of the stuff.
35:08How many times a day do you fill the snack jars?
35:10Once.
35:11Once.
35:12Correct, Michael.
35:13When are snack times?
35:15Sylvia!
35:16Ten and three.
35:17Well done.
35:18All right, we are having a tie here at present.
35:21And the last question.
35:23What is more important to your children?
35:27Toys or your time?
35:29Michael.
35:30Our time.
35:31Okay.
35:32And we have a winner here.
35:34Michael Frederico.
35:35Yay!
35:36The quiz was a lot of fun and it did demonstrate that actually mum and dad have learned a lot.
35:42They just need to follow through.
35:44One of the biggest achievements that the Fredericos have tackled has been their relationship with food.
35:51And we really just need to keep this family on that path by making sure that the kids have very active lifestyles.
35:59What I've done is given you some examples that allow us to be active with our kids so that they can be very physical and they can be out there moving.
36:09When Joe brought in the activity clock, that's when I kind of realized that I'm being a little selfish with the kids because we went out and worked out all the time but then we might not have done as much with them.
36:23And as you can see, jungle gym, just going to the park, soccer, swimming, ice skating, pick up sticks, riding bikes, hula hoop and hopscotch and tennis.
36:36Okay?
36:37So use these as examples and what I thought we'd do is pick up sticks.
36:43Okay?
36:44They're going to have to go to the furthest stick.
36:47Hang on.
36:48Stop, stop, stop.
36:49You put one down right there, please.
36:51But as mum was trying to get the game on the way, Michael was becoming disruptive.
36:56Michael, you need to give me those sticks.
36:58Drop a warning.
36:59I am giving you a warning.
37:01Eye contact.
37:02Eye contact, Sylvia.
37:03Michael, you need to look at me.
37:04You need to listen to me and look at me because you're going to go in a timeout right now.
37:09Did you hear me?
37:12You need to listen and be good.
37:15All right, nice.
37:16All right, stand up.
37:17Okay, well done, Sylvia.
37:18Okay.
37:19I was really impressed because mum's tone was perfect.
37:23For the first time, she gave a proper warning.
37:27Ready?
37:28Go!
37:31The furthest one.
37:32The furthest one.
37:34One at a time.
37:35Bring it back.
37:36Bring it back.
37:37Bring it back.
37:38Bring it back.
37:39One at a time.
37:40One at a time.
37:41It was very fun to watch the boys race and do the pick up sticks activity.
37:47Yay, go and it won!
37:48And that's awesome.
37:49Woo!
37:50I'm off now.
37:51I'm going home.
37:52She's leaving.
37:53I'm going home.
37:54Can I give you a hug and say goodbye?
37:56I'm going home. Can I give you a hug and say goodbye?
38:00Bye, Jojo.
38:02Do you know what? I'm really proud of that can-do.
38:05That can-do list.
38:06Thanks, Jojo. You're great.
38:09Let me give you a kiss, you. Let me give you a kiss.
38:11Seeing Jo leave was bittersweet.
38:13Take care. Remember, don't sabotage nothing, OK?
38:16Thank you. Thank you.
38:16Work on it, all right? You deserve that.
38:18I feel like I've been liberated and the burden's been lifted.
38:22I'm very grateful to Jo and I'm glad she was part of our lives.
38:26and just basically made us a complete family.
38:28Take care of your family.