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For discipline, Amy screams at her sons and spanks them. Watch Supernanny teach this family other ways to educate the kids!
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00:00Hey, we're the Phelps family from Hayden, Alabama.
00:02I'm Amy.
00:03And I'm Jimmy.
00:04We have three boys.
00:05Jacob, who's nine, Brody, who's five,
00:08and Aiden, who's two and a half.
00:13No.
00:15I'm a stay-at-home mom.
00:18I stay at home with the boys all day long.
00:20And it's turmoil all the time.
00:24Jacob, he's, like, short-tempered.
00:26It's an anger issue a lot with Jacob.
00:30Ow!
00:31Ow!
00:32Come here.
00:33Ow!
00:34Ding, ding.
00:36Time out.
00:39Brody is our most stubborn child.
00:43No!
00:43Don't tell me no.
00:44Let's go.
00:45No!
00:45Come on.
00:46No!
00:46He will completely lock down if you've tried to make him do something that he don't want to do.
00:51This is crazy.
00:53I know, Aiden.
00:54No!
00:54Aiden is the most difficult.
00:57He'll hit, scream, completely lose it if you tell him no to something.
01:04For disciplining, I usually scream.
01:07Do you want to play it?
01:09Then play it.
01:10I'm not sitting in here and doing this bull crap.
01:13And I spank.
01:15No, sir.
01:16You want it on the hand or the honey?
01:18Ah!
01:20I said that's a no.
01:22It's not necessary.
01:23There's other ways of discipline.
01:26You don't have to beat a child to get them, get their attention.
01:30No doubt.
01:31No doubt.
01:35All the boys eat junk food.
01:37We're all out of strawberry milk.
01:38The pantry's always open.
01:41The refrigerator's always open.
01:43Oh my goodness.
01:44Why do you have two suckers in your mouth?
01:45Aiden drinks so much strawberry milk.
01:48There.
01:49And eats so much bologna that he don't eat anything else.
01:54Unbelievable.
01:55Don't give him any more milk.
01:57Okay.
01:58I know that.
01:58How come you keep giving it to him?
02:01Because I don't want to have to deal with the scream in the 20-minute fifth.
02:04You undermine my authority.
02:06You give me no authority when you're home.
02:08Give it here.
02:09What are you doing?
02:10Seeking cotton toenails.
02:12I feel like I need Super Nanny's help, or we need it, because I feel all alone in how
02:17I feel like they should be disciplined.
02:19Quit pinching me!
02:20I want my children to grow up and love their childhood.
02:23I want them to grow up to be great men.
02:26I need to talk to these parents.
02:27Super Nanny, I have four boys.
02:30I'm dying here.
02:31I need help.
02:34It looks like you guys need some help and a referee, so hold on because I'm on my way.
02:42Hiya, pleased to meet you.
02:51Jo Frost.
02:52Hi.
02:52Can I hug you?
02:53Hi.
02:53Yeah.
02:54It's a southern thing.
02:55We always hug.
02:57Seeing Jo for the first time, I felt nervous, scared, excited, happy.
03:02This is Aiden, our two-and-a-half-year-old.
03:05Hello, Aiden.
03:06Who's this?
03:07This is Jacob.
03:08Pleased to meet you.
03:10How old are you?
03:11Nine.
03:11Nine.
03:12Hi, Brody.
03:13I'm Jojo.
03:13How are you?
03:15With Dad at work during the day, I asked Mom if I could take a look around the house,
03:19and I came across a room that had a pile of washing on it.
03:23Whose room is that?
03:24Oh, that's Aiden.
03:25He doesn't sleep in there.
03:26He doesn't?
03:28Oh, where does Aiden sleep, then?
03:29He sleeps with my mom and daddy.
03:31You're with your mom and daddy?
03:32Oh.
03:32I just thought to myself, this is something that I'm going to need to address.
03:37Brody, holler at Jacob, tell him to come in and sleep.
03:40Lunchtime came around.
03:42The package meals went on the table, and the kids were drinking something blue.
03:47You feeling bad again?
03:51Brody ate the chocolate and then decided he didn't want anything else.
03:56His throat hurts really bad.
03:58Chocolate make it better.
03:59Mm-hmm.
04:01He had enough energy to eat the chocolate that was in there and leave the rest.
04:04I mean, come on.
04:05You should be mindful of the food that you're giving your children and the nutrition that
04:10they should be eating.
04:11There really isn't any excuse.
04:12You don't cook because they don't eat, or you just don't cook because you don't see yourself
04:18doing it?
04:19Both.
04:19It's a lot to cook and clean up and then do all the other stuff I've got to do.
04:23Right, so you're now saying that you don't cook it because you're too lazy to clean it
04:26up.
04:26I felt like Joe was scolding me, like an adult scolding a child.
04:32You don't cook a lunch.
04:34You know, how dare you?
04:35I'm lazy, just period.
04:36Well, that gets us to the bottom of it.
04:41Aiden was playing nearby with his brothers, and then I heard this awful noise.
04:45This is their closet space.
04:48There was this tremendous thud.
04:50Something madly wrong had happened.
04:58What?
04:59What are you doing?
05:00I didn't know it.
05:01What did you do?
05:02What did you do?
05:03It was really loud, so I knew it wasn't just a couple of stares.
05:11This was more than a couple of stares.
05:12It's his head.
05:13Put an ice pack on his head.
05:14Look.
05:15Aiden seemed to have avoided serious injury.
05:19Although, I tell you what, he's going to have a nasty bruise.
05:21I tell everyone, if he could have a helmet on, that would be the best thing.
05:24He is always hitting his head.
05:26Always.
05:27After some time with the ice pack, Aiden started to feel better.
05:30And even though I don't start teaching on Observation Day, I did need to give Aiden a little lesson about that staircase.
05:39Hold on to the railing.
05:41Hello.
05:41Hold on to the railing coming down.
05:43I also feel that the staircase needs to be toddler-proofed, so I am going to talk to Mum and Dad seriously about this later.
05:49Hang on to this, and let's go on.
05:51Hello.
05:51How you doing?
05:52Hi.
05:52It's all drama.
05:54Your little boy's doing stunts.
05:56Oh, really?
05:57Dad came home, and so I got a chance to meet him.
06:00Nice meeting you.
06:01Hi.
06:01Nice to meet you.
06:02Hi.
06:02Good, good.
06:03Jim.
06:04Yeah?
06:05You ready?
06:05Mom started to get dinner ready, and I had the chance to see Mum and Dad interact.
06:10I'm changing a diaper.
06:12Oh.
06:12It hasn't been changed all day.
06:14Yes, it has.
06:16I don't think both parents speak to each other quite nicely.
06:20What are you drinking, water?
06:21What are we throwing?
06:22Did you put any in the fridge?
06:23I don't reckon I did, just like I didn't do the diaper all day long.
06:27What did you do all day then?
06:31Huh?
06:32Laundry, dishes, swept, mopped.
06:37Do you need a list?
06:38Well.
06:39Jimmy and I are not on the same page.
06:41I think we're in a totally different chapter.
06:43I'm just wondering, how was your day, honey?
06:46That's not what you ask.
06:48You said, what did I do all day?
06:50Not, how was your day?
06:52This was not a healthy conversation.
06:55I'm going to have to work with Mum and Dad as a couple.
06:57To help them with the whole process of this situation.
07:01From watching the submission tape,
07:03I know that Mum and Dad choose to spank their kids as a form of discipline.
07:08And despite the way Dad's been brought up,
07:11I know that he's really eager to learn a different way to discipline his children.
07:15Spare the rod, spoil the child.
07:16It's in the Bible.
07:18Okay, and I was raised to, you know,
07:19if you do something wrong, you get spanked.
07:21I want it to be to where I don't have to spank my kids.
07:24There's a better way, you know.
07:25If I had a choice to spank or discipline in a way that didn't afflict pain,
07:32as a loving parent, I would choose the one that didn't cause pain on my child.
07:37It does work.
07:37I don't feel like that you can be out in public and be like,
07:40okay, I'm going to time out you.
07:41With Aiden, I say this, do you want to spank it on your honey?
07:44And he says no.
07:45Then he stops doing what he does.
07:47If Mum can actually just be open-minded enough to try something new,
07:52she'll see for herself that she's capable of disciplining the children
07:57without having to raise her hand.
07:59And while I had them both together,
08:00I had one more topic that I wanted to discuss with Mum and Dad.
08:03I saw Aiden's bedroom.
08:06Does he sleep in that bed?
08:08No.
08:08Because there's all clothes on it.
08:10And Jacob said that he doesn't.
08:11He sleeps with you guys.
08:12Yeah.
08:12Is that what you choose to do?
08:14She does.
08:16I've slept with him since he was a baby.
08:18And just smelling him.
08:20Yeah.
08:21And feeling him.
08:23I don't know.
08:24It's just kind of like my security blanket.
08:26You totally disagree.
08:27You don't want the co-sleeping, no?
08:28No, ma'am.
08:29No?
08:29Mm-hmm.
08:30And your reasons for that?
08:31I can't sleep.
08:32And that's his room.
08:33It was built for him.
08:35Aiden sleeps in Mum and Dad's bed and not his own bed at the age of two and a half.
08:40It's not really allowing him, is it, to get used to self-soothing and being in his own room?
08:45I mean, that's a life skill that you eventually need to learn.
08:48I just don't know if I'm ready for it.
08:50Are you saying emotionally you don't know if you're ready?
08:52He's my last one.
08:54We don't know yet.
08:54It's got you all emotional.
08:58Come on.
08:59Bedtime.
09:01Mom and Dad put the older boys to bed, got a bedtime drink for Aiden, and then started
09:06to have a go at one another.
09:08He thinks he can do everything better.
09:10He says he cooks better.
09:11No, no.
09:11He puts them to...
09:12No.
09:13If you know what you're doing, you can get it done.
09:16That's what you said on Mother's Day.
09:18I got them ready for church in 10 minutes.
09:22Put the clothes on.
09:23That's not hard to do.
09:25Well, I guess on that note, I'm going to leave you both for the evening.
09:30Don't kill each other because actually I do want to meet him with both of you tomorrow morning.
09:34It's been a great day for me because I've been able to see quite a lot.
09:37See you tomorrow.
09:38For tomorrow's meeting, I'm very nervous because if anybody can tell me what I'm doing wrong
09:43as a parent, it's Joe.
09:46What is she going to think about us?
09:49But I'm not willing to go down without a fight either.
09:52I'm ready to stand my ground for certain things I believe in.
09:55Having spent time observing you guys as a family, so what I would like to start with is food.
10:09Now, we spoke about that and you said to me, I feel, you know, disheartened to put any food on the table
10:16because these kids won't eat it.
10:19So I'm discouraged now to even cook.
10:21It's important for your kids to have that fruit and that vegetables.
10:24It's part of their health, their nutrition.
10:27I agree.
10:28It's lazy.
10:31Let's talk about bedtime.
10:34We have a bedroom upstairs for Aidan that's not being used because one of you, Amy,
10:42you're clinging on to Aidan for the wrong reason.
10:47Emotionally, that fills a hole for you.
10:51That feels good.
10:52It pacifies you.
10:54It feeds you emotionally, Amy.
10:56I get it.
10:59But there's no reason why you can't have that closeness with him and cuddles and snuggle up with him during the day.
11:06You have those little moments if you create time to have him.
11:12So let's talk about this spanking thing because you told me that you don't want to spank.
11:19Yeah, I heard from you yesterday that, yeah, you know, but, you know, you don't really feel it's a bad thing.
11:26I mean, where are you guys at on this?
11:29If we didn't have to spank, we could discipline and it'd be effective.
11:33We would agree on that, wouldn't we?
11:35If Jacob disrespects me, I think that's not just, oh, cool, getting your time out, you know what I mean?
11:43So you basically teach him, if someone disrespects you, that that's what you do, you hit.
11:47Not hit.
11:49Spank.
11:50It's the same thing.
11:51Wooden spoon, hand, it hurts.
11:53I'm leaning more toward the new technique myself.
11:58I'm, are you not?
11:59I mean, why wouldn't you be?
12:01I don't know.
12:01If it works and if it's effective.
12:03Okay, we'll try it.
12:04Because the spanking's not working right now.
12:06Okay, and I'm, like I said, I'm willing to try.
12:09For our children's sake.
12:10I'm willing to try.
12:11Okay.
12:12Okay, let's do it 100%.
12:13Okay, I'm willing to try.
12:15Do you not hear me speaking these words to you?
12:16Yes.
12:16Why are you getting so angry?
12:17I'm not.
12:18I'm just saying, do you not hear me speaking these words to you?
12:20I'm willing to try.
12:21Let's just forget about the spanking.
12:22Okay.
12:22The spanking is out.
12:24Let's just, I mean, this is.
12:25I mean, I said it three times.
12:27I said okay.
12:27Okay.
12:29I know.
12:30So do I have two parents on board?
12:32Yes, ma'am.
12:33Yes, you do.
12:34Okay, so I look forward to seeing you so we can get started again.
12:38All right, thank you.
12:44When I first arrived for teaching the next day,
12:46my priority was two-and-a-half-year-old Aiden's safety.
12:50Unfortunately, I did have the opportunity to see the little one
12:53fall down the flight of stairs,
12:54which actually was very frightening, obviously, for us all.
13:00What we want to talk about is really Aiden learning how to go up
13:05and down those stairs properly.
13:07I'd like to see you actually telling Aiden to go up each step
13:11two feet at a time.
13:13Okay?
13:14Like so.
13:15And then holding on to the white banister railings here.
13:20Aiden took to walking down the stairs like a duck to water.
13:23Good boy.
13:28Well done.
13:29That's it.
13:31Aiden was doing very well,
13:32so I moved on to having Dad put safety gates
13:34at the top and at the bottom of that staircase.
13:37I really did feel more safe with the gates in place.
13:41The stair gates, for me, definitely give me a peace of mind,
13:44and I'm glad we have them now.
13:48The next thing I'm going to put in place are the house rules so that the kids can understand
13:53what will be expected of them, and the parents can have a few whilst they're at it as well.
13:57Well, you can see here, we've got rules for Mum and Dad and rules for kids, so let's start off with a rule for the kids.
14:04We're talking back.
14:07Another one.
14:08If we say something the first time, I would like it to be done.
14:11Listening to as you're told.
14:14No hitting would be number three.
14:17To share as a rule, wouldn't it be?
14:19Okay, boys, a rule for Mum and Dad.
14:21How about no screaming?
14:28Can we work on that?
14:30Yeah, no screaming.
14:32No spanking.
14:33In the parents' meeting, Amy decided that she was not going to spank,
14:38and then when it came to putting it into writing,
14:41well, she started to pout.
14:43I like the no screaming.
14:46No spanking.
14:48No spanking.
14:49No spanking.
14:50No spanking.
14:52I felt really aggravated at Jo that she had put that decision on my children.
14:57Discipline should never be the child's choice, ever.
15:00I just can't believe our kids are deciding that we don't do this anymore.
15:03They're not.
15:04I'm confident that this is...
15:05Don't you understand?
15:06They're not.
15:06This is just a nice way of showing the kids that the family are making changes,
15:11and yet Amy's taking it literally like the kids are dictating to her.
15:15At the end of the day, these parents are the ones that are in control,
15:19and they've got to start feeling that.
15:20Come and chill over here then.
15:21Come on, we're going to sit over here.
15:23I wanted for us to sit somewhere a lot more comfortable,
15:26and I really wanted Mum to hear firsthand from the boys
15:29exactly how spanking made them feel.
15:32When Mum and Dad say,
15:33I'm going to spank you now, do you feel frightened of it?
15:36Yeah, kind of.
15:38Yeah.
15:39Because it hurts.
15:39Right, OK.
15:40I just don't want to tell them right now we will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever spank
15:48them again.
15:48Mum knows I'm going to be teaching her my way of disciplining the kids, but I think she's
15:53more concerned with having to control this whole situation.
15:57Maybe she feels that she can't put it off.
15:59You're thinking, I've got the spanking as a safety net.
16:01Yeah.
16:02That's it.
16:03How do you learn to get those successful results if what you're doing is walking with a safety
16:09net, knowing that you can, at the end of the day, find an excuse for why you want to give
16:14up?
16:15All you're doing, Amy, is setting yourself up. You're setting yourself up to fail.
16:19If I have good kids and they behave without having to spank them when they misbehave, you
16:25know, wow, teach me. I want to learn it.
16:28OK, let's go.
16:30I mean, serious.
16:31I am. I'm ready.
16:33After much debate, Mum gave in and wrote no spanking on the house rules, but I'm not convinced.
16:39At the end of the day, I'm going to be teaching these parents a new way to discipline.
16:43Is she committed? Only time's going to tell.
16:45I reluctantly did it, but I'm just not sure. I just need to say some proof.
16:56I realise that Mum's had a long, hard day, but she is going to have to muster up some
17:00more energy because Aidan needs to sleep in his bed on his own.
17:05We went straight into the sleep separation technique, which is to place your child into
17:10bed without talking to them every time they get out of bed with you remaining in the room.
17:16OK, Amy?
17:17Amy?
17:18Amy?
17:19You can do this. Do you hear me? You can do this.
17:24If he gets out, put him back into the bed and you keep quiet, right?
17:28OK.
17:29It was tough. It was tough for Amy.
17:32I knew it was great for her to be there to help me, but I just really wasn't ready to
17:45do it.
17:47Every time we called her name, you could see she was just praying that she would find the
17:55strength to be able to follow through. She was very close to breaking.
18:01You can't be there. This is about you growing that emotional muscle. You can be what he needs.
18:15I got kind of worried, wondering if it was good for him, just crying and screaming in
18:19his bed. I was really concerned with Amy, too. I knew it was tearing her heart out.
18:29I think it took Aiden about an hour, but he did finally go to sleep, and so that was
18:45kind of rewarding. Who put Aiden to bed tonight?
18:49Me. Sorry. Me.
18:54I'm very proud of Amy for sticking to the bed technique.
18:59We've just crossed a milestone for you. You're a good girl.
19:03Putting Aiden in his own bed was by far the hardest thing that she's put into place.
19:08That was tough.
19:10I know. You couldn't have done it.
19:13Probably not.
19:16All right, get ready to cuddle, because I've got to have somebody.
19:20A cuddle.
19:21A cuddle.
19:22I think that's where I exit.
19:25I think that's where I go home for the night.
19:28Mum and Dad in the past chose to spank their boys when it's come to disciplining them, and
19:35I've promised Mum and Dad that I will teach them a technique for discipline that will be very
19:41different. When you've already told them in a conversational voice to stop something, and
19:46they've chosen not to listen and do as they're told.
19:49You then have to give them a warning. If they continue beyond the warning, bring them over
19:56to a chair, and they are going to do timeout. You're going to tell them why they now have
20:01to sit on that chair. And you'll set your timer one minute per their age. When they've
20:07done it, you'll come back and you'll tell them again. You were told to sit here because
20:13X, Y, and Z. You will then tell them that you want an apology. Hacks and kisses, and you
20:19move on.
20:20I'm looking forward to using the technique.
20:22I'm definitely willing to try the timeout technique.
20:25It's clean up time.
20:27Yes, you can.
20:29There came a point when the boys had to start tidying up, and Brody refused to do it.
20:35It started to stall.
20:36Brody.
20:37Look. What is this? And this?
20:40I'd like you to turn around and tell him, I'm asking you to pick up those pieces and
20:44put them into the box. If I have to come up here and see you're not doing it, you know
20:48what's going to be happening.
20:49I'm going downstairs, and when I come back, they better be picked up. You understand me,
20:53right?
20:54Brody refused to listen to him, and in the end, Dad put him into a timeout.
20:59Sit down.
21:00Sit down. Don't get up.
21:02Explain why he's there. Explain why he's there.
21:05You didn't pick up your toys, so you're in timeout.
21:08I can't move it.
21:11Set the alarm.
21:13This is the first time that this family have done a timeout, and so it did seem a little
21:18bit awkward for Jimmy.
21:19With Joe standing beside me, it was like, am I going to pass the test?
21:24And actually, we didn't see Brody get up from the chair.
21:29He knew that he was in trouble, and he set his time. I was proud of him.
21:34Come on, listen to me.
21:35You know why I put you in timeout?
21:37Because you didn't do what I asked you to do with the toys.
21:41I apologise for not listening to me.
21:43I don't know what that means.
21:44It means to tell me you're sorry.
21:45I'm sorry.
21:46Hug me and a hug.
21:48With some good coaching, Dad did manage to do a good timeout with Brody.
21:52But Brody still has to do what he refused to do in the beginning, and that's tidy up that playroom.
21:58Let's go. Upstairs.
21:59I want that out.
22:01No.
22:02Upstairs.
22:03I want that out.
22:05He's asking for timeout because he thinks it's easier.
22:11Yeah, of course.
22:12This is exactly the reason I think timeouts don't work.
22:19We're going to do all this now. Come and watch me.
22:21Of course he's going to want the sitting in the chair rather than doing what he's told to do and rather than getting a spanking.
22:27Brody, you've been asked by your father to go upstairs and start tidying up the playroom.
22:33So I suggest you listen and do as you're told. Off you go, please.
22:38Brody went off to do as he was asked and I went back to talk to Mum and she was convinced with what she saw that timeout was never going to work.
22:46That's why I said it was not his choice for him to choose no spanking.
22:50That's why I said that out there because he's choosing the easy road.
22:55It's not an easy road.
22:56Once they've been in that timeout a few times and they've realized that actually they're going to go back there again and again,
23:04to them it's going to become very boring, very stale and they're going to realize what they're going to lose out on.
23:09I like the timeout technique because you can use it anywhere without having,
23:13oh my God, this guy's beating his child. Call the police, you know.
23:17I'm going to do my best with the timeout, but there are some things that warrant a spanking
23:22and if it warrants a spanking, I'm more than likely going to have to spank my children.
23:31The boys eat a lot of junk, let's face it.
23:34This family as a whole need to eat more well-balanced meals, so I'm going to introduce them to a little happy technique.
23:41Today, you get a chance to decide a meal that you would like to eat tonight, but this is the catch.
23:49Mum and Dad are not cooking dinner tonight. You guys are going to be the chefs.
23:54They were like, really? We're going to get to cook?
23:56And guess what I've got? I've got special chef outfits for you.
24:02Getting the boys really involved with cooking the food themselves is going to educate this whole family about eating better.
24:09OK, so the meal tonight will be what? You two decide.
24:14Pork. Pork chop. OK.
24:17They chose pork chops and macaroni, a couple of vegetables and a fruit,
24:23and together the pair of them started to get their aprons on and get busy making the food.
24:30Five orders, please!
24:33It was important for these boys to do it on their own, although Dad did give them a little help when it comes to using the knives.
24:40Slice them right down the side.
24:43Cool!
24:45Cooking dinner was fun because I got to cut the vegetables.
24:52I'm going to have some cheesy macaroni and cheese!
24:55The kids being involved with cooking the meal, they get to see the process that you take to make a meal.
25:02I think it looks great, guys. Are you proud of yourselves?
25:05Brody and Jacob had an opportunity to look at the different variety of foods that are out there.
25:11Y'all did a great job. This is good food.
25:14I'm really hoping when I'm gone for several days that Mum's not going to go back to spanking,
25:21which means that Mum and Dad need to be tight in their relationship,
25:24so I'm going to provoke a very honest and frank conversation between the pair of them.
25:29Is it OK to get junk food out of the pantry?
25:32So I'm seeing a yes and I'm seeing a no.
25:40So we've got a difference of opinion here.
25:42Is it OK for the children to have a difference of opinion about bedtime?
25:48I'm always open to their opinions.
25:51No, because that's talking back.
25:56Can your children make noise in the car, yes or no?
25:59No.
26:03She didn't ask if they could scream.
26:05Just listen to the question.
26:12He started nitpicking at the answers I was given,
26:15and it's something he does quite often.
26:17He's so cut and dry and I'm not.
26:19I have a lot of thinking that goes on behind my head.
26:22I think what I say is right, you know, 100% of the time,
26:27and you do the same.
26:29To me, all that sounds like is you're just saying it to be pretty.
26:32No, no, I'm not saying it to be pretty.
26:33To me, it really does, because this is...
26:35Hold on.
26:36OK, I'm sorry.
26:37This is how it is.
26:38I'll be talking about something and you say,
26:41well, we're just not talking about that right now.
26:43That's kind of what it sounds like to me right now.
26:45I'm seeing where this is going,
26:47and I'm having a hard time explaining myself.
26:49Right, because you want to walk away.
26:50No, I don't want to walk away.
26:51I don't want to walk away.
26:52No, just...
26:53I don't want to walk away.
26:55I sat very, very still,
26:58because I did not want to be a distraction for this couple.
27:02I wanted them locked into each other
27:04so that they would air this confrontation
27:08that's been going on for too long between them both.
27:11Do you want to be married 40 years from now
27:18and hang out and, like, do great things together?
27:21Or do you want to just leave me at home
27:24and go do your own thing
27:25because you don't want to hear what I have to say?
27:28No.
27:29I want to hear what you have to say.
27:31Because if you don't want to hear what I have to say now,
27:33I can't imagine you as a 70-year-old man
27:35wanting to hear what I have to say.
27:39I'm sorry.
27:42I'm just sorry.
27:45Honey.
27:50And I honestly mean that.
27:54I feel like such a butt sometimes.
28:00But I'm just too hard-headed or too stubborn
28:02to go back to you and tell you I'm sorry.
28:06She was crying.
28:08And as a husband,
28:11it made me stop and think about how I was treating her.
28:14Come here.
28:15Stand up.
28:16Will.
28:17That's one of my favorite little meetings that we've had.
28:20I think it made me understand Amy a little more.
28:23So, therefore, I think I can be a better husband.
28:27I love you.
28:29If I can become a better husband to my wife,
28:31then we can become better parents together.
28:37There's been some feelings that have been trampled on.
28:42And it's raw.
28:43It's raw in that house.
28:44They're bruised.
28:45They've got a lot of work ahead of them.
28:48I am going to look forward to seeing you guys when I get back.
28:52I'm gone for three days.
28:54When I'm gone for several days,
28:55Mum is going to have the opportunity to put in the new discipline technique.
29:00I just hope she doesn't go back to her old ways.
29:02I want to see you guys really coming together.
29:06I'm kind of nervous.
29:07Bye-bye.
29:08Bye.
29:09Seeing Jo walk out the door and knowing that we're on or on for the next three days.
29:14I'm going to do my best with the time out.
29:16But I can't promise that I'll never spank my children again.
29:19I've been away now from the Phelps family for several days and I just hope that they've stayed on track.
29:31So let's take a look.
29:33I'll give you three chances to get this up and you didn't do it, no?
29:36Sit down.
29:37Yes, I did!
29:38Sit down.
29:42When I tell you to do something, you do it when I tell you to, right?
29:47Sorry.
29:50Tell me again.
29:51I got you.
29:52I didn't hear you.
29:53Sorry.
29:57That's a little bit screwed up there.
29:59I mean, he told you the first time.
30:00He didn't need to say it a second and a third.
30:03Once you've done that apology, you can have that conversation outside the naughty chair.
30:07You with me?
30:08That was a bad, that was a bad time out.
30:10So it's important to remember those steps.
30:14Brody, are you cleaning up or are you trying to get something out from my bottom of my pile?
30:18Who wants to be able to go outside and play?
30:20Me.
30:21Okay, well then let's get this together.
30:23Y'all are taking so long to do one little task.
30:27Pick it up and put it on there.
30:29Pick what?
30:30What?
30:32Oh my God.
30:33Please.
30:34Pick this and put it up here.
30:38Just stop it right now.
30:40I'm sick of you not helping and I'm sick of you always getting to play.
30:43Let's go.
30:44You're going to get time out now and then you're going to get time out when we go outside.
30:54Are you so mad?
30:55You're like, you're going to time out now, then you're going to get it later and then I might
30:57give it back to you before supper time.
30:59And then you know, you just might get one before bedtime.
31:01You're like, you're fuming.
31:03It's like, you've already spanked him and now you've run out.
31:06You're like, I'm going to have to do time out now.
31:15In the time out, either I didn't do it right or it's just, like I said, it's just not,
31:20it's just, it's not enough punishment for them.
31:23I end up doing everything.
31:26Those boys are capable of tidying up the room.
31:28They're lazy.
31:29They don't have to because mum will do it.
31:31After she's had a good moan and she's spanked us a couple of times,
31:34she'll go and then she'll clean it up anyway.
31:36Then you're feeling helpless.
31:38Then you're feeling it's everybody else's fault.
31:40This is what you do to change.
31:41When you change everything else will have to change.
31:45Don't you hear it?
31:50I said to not hear it, didn't I?
31:52You're getting time out for hitting.
31:54We do not hit.
32:03Time out.
32:05Do not get up.
32:11Look, you got in time out because you hit mommy, okay?
32:15Look at mommy.
32:16We don't hit, okay?
32:18We don't hit.
32:19Are you sorry for hitting?
32:20Okay.
32:21Mommy loves me.
32:24Okay.
32:25Do you have no problem doing naughty step there with Aiden?
32:27Mm-hmm.
32:28You know, he hit you straight away.
32:29You're like, no, I'm not going there.
32:31You would have normally have spanked Aiden.
32:33You would have tapped him across his butt because he hit you.
32:37It's confusing.
32:38Those mixed messages will mess this kid's head up.
32:41It shows me if you can do it with your little two and a half year old, you're more than capable of doing it with your older boys.
32:50So I hope this has motivated you in realising you do not have to spank.
32:54You know, you're both accountable for what you need to change.
32:56Yeah.
32:57So what we are going to do is we're going to look at discipline and a way in which you guys can start to remember it and other things.
33:05Okay, thank you.
33:07I watched the DVD footage of mom upstairs in the playroom shouting at these children.
33:19Pick it up and put it on there.
33:21Pick this and put it up here.
33:24It was very counterproductive because they were not listening to her.
33:28I want to turn this around.
33:29This is about you stepping up and recognising actually I can do this in a really positive way.
33:36without losing it.
33:38I explained to her that she would need to check her tone, be very positive with her language and keep her patience.
33:45We are going to clean up the playroom.
33:47At first I was really worried that mom was going down that old negative path.
33:52Who dumps these cars out?
33:54And then she turned it right around with some good positive encouragement.
33:58Good job.
33:59There was a much lighter tone to mom's voice.
34:02Awesome.
34:03Thank you for doing what mommy asked you to do.
34:05Jo was there to tell me, you know, keep your voice calm and reassure them that they're doing a good job.
34:11Good job, Aiden.
34:13These kids were listening and they were doing as they were told.
34:16Good job.
34:17It's good to clean up.
34:19As long as she can encourage these children in a positive way, then she never has to go down to where she then loses her temper and then becomes out of control.
34:28After the boys had finished tidying up their bedroom, I wanted to make sure that before I left, that mom and dad knew the steps of the time out like the back of their hand.
34:36I want to give you the opportunity to keep remembering what the steps are because as long as you guys can remember it, that when you're in the moment of doing a time out, you're not going to become flustered and panicked.
34:46Here are the steps.
34:48Put them in the right order.
34:49I can do this.
34:50Yeah.
34:51Dad knew in his head what the steps were and straight away he started to organise it.
34:58OK.
34:59Good morning.
35:04I was impressed that they got it right, but I wanted to make sure that mom and dad understood why each step was important.
35:11Set the timer.
35:12One minute per age.
35:14Jacob, who's eight, why wouldn't we give him, say, 30 minutes?
35:17Because it's not reachable.
35:19It's not something he could actually do.
35:21Correct.
35:22It would just be unrealistic.
35:24You've put here, go back and explain.
35:26Why?
35:27They've had time to kind of let it soak in and go back and refresh their memory.
35:31Correct.
35:32Of why we put them there in the first place.
35:34Exactly.
35:35Exactly, Jimmy.
35:36Joe has taught me that I don't always have to discipline my children out of anger.
35:40I'm willing to keep moving forward with the time outs.
35:47I had one last exercise to do with mom because in the beginning she was unwilling to want to change.
35:55However, throughout the process she did make changes in a very positive way and I believe this exercise will keep her on track.
36:02I'm going to ask you to bullet point three things that you want to get better at doing and these three things are what you are going to commit to changing in three months.
36:17I want to be able to give my best and my all to the time out technique and my attitude and my tone of voice.
36:24We are going to be able to nip things in the bud before it gets to the point where we have to resort to spanking.
36:30She folded up the piece of paper and then placed it into an envelope and I took that envelope back.
36:37I'm going to send this to you in three months time so that you can mark by this letter to see exactly where you are.
36:45I don't want to be embarrassed to myself that I have not followed through with this.
36:50So, I think it will definitely put a fire under my honey and make me want to do it, you know.
36:55On every challenge, every technique, you try to find an exit door.
37:00But a turn around and have the courage to take a step forward leads to a mother and a wife who is actually happy with the steps that she is making.
37:09I'm ready. Good.
37:13I'm going now. Can I give you a cuddle?
37:15Okay. Bye-bye.
37:17They're really pleasant boys.
37:18Give me a big boy.
37:19And they certainly got themselves into pickles because they didn't have those guidelines from their parents.
37:24Can I give you a hug?
37:25So, if the parents can toe the line, then they'll have kids that can do that as well.
37:29Jimmy.
37:30I need a big hug.
37:32Take care, take care.
37:39Bye.
37:42Bye-bye.
37:46Byea.
37:52
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