- há 5 meses
Jo visits San Diego, California where parents Mark & Melissa need help with their 4 unruly kids!
Categoria
📚
AprendizadoTranscrição
00:00Point Loma and it's sunny down here but there's a family who desperately needs my
00:04help so why don't we take a look. Hi we're the Mann family from San Diego, California.
00:09I'm Melissa and I'm Mark. We have four children, Naomi who's five and the
00:15triplets who are three years old Nathaniel, Madeline, and Nora.
00:21I'm a nurse midwife and I work two to three days a week. My job is at a local
00:28university. You have got to be kidding me. Naomi was from birth a challenging baby.
00:36She's very difficult to try to rationalize with. It's really like dealing with a two
00:42or three-year-old. This little girl, she needs some discipline. When Naomi doesn't
00:48get her way it's extremely unpredictable. She becomes unmanageable. She's the
00:56mistress of mayhem and our family in many many ways. Naomi? Fine, I quit. The triplets came along about two
01:04years after Naomi. We needed to use some reproductive technologies. In vitro
01:09fertilization. So we were really praying and trusting for one more child. There's
01:15only a 30% chance with in vitro fertilization of even having one child.
01:19Having triplets is extremely rare, something like three or 4%. We just never imagined that
01:26happened to us. Why are there chicken nuggets upstairs? Naomi's behavior and attitude really
01:31goes back to that time when the triplets were born. The common thread that runs through all of
01:36our kids is feeling left out. I all want mom's attention. Only one mom. If I ask you again
01:52to go to your room you're getting a paddle. Get back in the crib or I'm gonna paddle your hiney.
01:56We happened to go to a church children's seminar on discipline and it was advocated that we use
02:07paddling. We found initially it worked very well for us. You're getting a paddle when I come upstairs.
02:15I love you buddy. I'm so sorry. I forgive you. This really isn't right. I mean you're smacking a
02:33kid and then you're hugging him at the same time. What? Overall it's not working for us. If you get
02:39out of your crib. I'm gonna paddle you. Help me. Nora please come bring me the knife. I think. I find it
02:47really really overwhelming to have all four kids by myself. Wait wait wait wait wait. Come back here.
02:51Hurry. Madeline. Madeline. Madeline. Listen to me. You never walk. Nora. Nora. I find myself really struggling
03:02not to check out and there have been numerous occasions over the last two months that I have just
03:07wanted to disappear. Wait. Nora. Where'd Nora go? Madeline. Madeline. Madeline. Come on.
03:14Naomi. Naomi. Naomi. I felt downright desperate. I hope Mark gets more confidence in his ability to
03:25be with all four children by himself. We really need to turn things around. Supernanny please come soon.
03:32We need your help. Guys you need my help. I'm on my way.
03:37Hello. Hi. Welcome to the home. Hi. Pleased to meet you. Come on in and meet the family. This is
03:49Nora. Thank you. She's one of the triplets. Hi Naomi. Hello. Welcome. How are you? Pleased to meet you. Hi Jo.
03:56And you're Nathaniel huh? Hi Naomi. Pleased to meet you. Hi Madeline. I was so excited when Jo first
04:03arrived at our home. She really is a gift from God to our family. Nora come and sit down right now.
04:11It wasn't long before I started to be in the middle of a lot of mayhem. If I ask you again you're going to go
04:18upstairs to your crib. Mum was putting Nora in the crib to do discipline and every time she walked out of
04:27the bedroom Nora would jump out. What did I say? I said if you got out of your crib you were going to get a
04:33paddle. I love you but you disobeyed.
04:37You chose to disobeyed. Nora trust and obeyed. If you get out of your crib you're going to get a paddle.
04:56What's a paddle? A paddle is wax on the honey with a wooden spoon. That's what I saw on the tape right?
05:02The submission tape. So that you've still got that one. Well they've all broken. How? Sometimes
05:07Mark has broken it on the tabletop in anger afterward. So do any spoons exist in your house
05:15at the moment? A wooden fork. A wooden fork. Right okay so the spoons are broke and now we've got a
05:22wooden fork. Right okay. Nora Elizabeth what did mama tell you? I said if you got out again you were going
05:28to get a paddle. I love you. But you may not disobey mama. Now you stay in your crib. You may give me a hug.
05:39I love you. I mean what's going on? One minute mom's spanking the kids. The next minute she's hugging
05:46and kissing them. I mean this is really mixed messages. Joe saw me uh disciplined Nora. It was
05:53difficult. I hate to have to use physical force to have the children obey me. This is rest time.
06:03Naomi. Don't mess my bed. Don't mess it. Don't mess my bed. Do not speak to mommy that way. You messed it up.
06:11You messed it up. Come and get up on your bed. It's time for a nap. No. No. Naomi.
06:17You may not talk to me that way. I'm not taking it. If you get out out of your bed. And when Naomi
06:26has a temper tantrum it is a serious wobbly. You may not speak to me that way.
06:42That is disrespectful talk. You turn around. You may not speak to mommy in that way.
06:49You may read a book. No. You read me a book. If you get down.
06:53Read me a book. You don't speak to me that way. Read me a book.
06:59How do you ask for someone to read? Please read me a book. Naomi bullies them
07:06to the point where they end up giving in to her. Mum's really has enough of this rude attitude
07:12and I wanted to hear her voice so I took her downstairs where we could have a private chat.
07:17Tell me really how you feel when Naomi's kicking off and she's looking at you and she's talking to
07:22you like that. I want to smack her across the mouth. And say what? How dare you talk to me that way.
07:28You may not speak to me that way. I'm your mother. I feel like I could be violent with her and at times
07:35I have. At times I've taken her by the back of the neck and I've walked her up the stairs and I've
07:39pushed her onto her bed and I've closed the door and you stay there until I come up and get you.
07:44Does she just feel like? I'm just totally exasperated. I don't like her.
07:50I don't want her in my house. I don't want her around my children. My other children.
07:55To hear that just sent shivers down my spine. It's an awful situation. As a mother you're
08:00looking at your daughter and you don't even like her.
08:05Go back to your room. Go back to your room Naomi.
08:08After watching mum it was time for me to take a closer look at dad and I learned a lot.
08:16Now you've hurt your brother because you were throwing a tantrum and throwing yourself out.
08:20You're going to stay right here for five minutes. How are we back?
08:25Me. Go back. Go back and get on the bed.
08:27No. I want you to go back and sit on the bed for a couple of minutes.
08:30No. No.
08:33You're going to sit on the bed?
08:34No. Naomi.
08:35No. I need your different behaviour.
08:40I could clearly see dad's pattern. When he gets overwhelmed he just checks out.
08:44He's feeling really strained. He's got triplets and a five-year-old and it's not going to go away.
08:55There have been many times in the last couple of months when I have felt so overwhelmed.
08:59I thought I could handle anything and I have felt broken.
09:09I hadn't seen mum and dad work as a team. So the opportunity to go to the beach would give me just that.
09:16Mark, I need help.
09:19She can't go out far. Naomi, the undertow by here is so strong.
09:23I know.
09:24We should go over by the lifeguard. Wow.
09:31A lack of organisation for mum and dad meant that nobody had a good time at the beach.
09:36We're done.
09:37Well, no. We're just letting them go out too far.
09:38I know, but you know what? We should be over by the lifeguard.
09:41No, Melissa.
09:48I'm done. Let's go.
09:50Look, the kids are actually having fun. You want to take them away already?
09:53Yes. I'm ready to go. Please.
09:59Come on, Madeline. Let's go. I know you're having fun, but we got to go.
10:04They got to the shower area and that was even worse. Both parents were stressed out.
10:09You could see dad was beside himself.
10:12Let me put your shoes on.
10:14They were struggling to get all the kids together. The kids weren't listening.
10:17Nathaniel, come out of the street.
10:18Go to mommy right now.
10:19Trust and obey.
10:20Ow!
10:21Trust and obey.
10:22Mark.
10:23I'm a bully.
10:24You got to pick her up and move along.
10:26Please. Thank you.
10:28When I fell down and Joe came to my rescue, it was like, okay, where's Mark again?
10:40You've got to pick up.
10:41Just by, just by, oh, wow.
10:43At times you had one kid and I was like, what are you doing?
10:46I had three kids up sitting waiting and I don't know what you were doing.
10:50I was walking with her at her pace.
10:51Yeah, but it's not at her pace.
10:53Okay. Just tell me, hon.
10:54I'm telling you now, honey.
10:58We seriously need to work on a game plan for these parents for the safety of the kids.
11:06Everybody ready for the light to go off? One, two, three.
11:11It's been a very stressful day for this family.
11:16Get back in your bed.
11:17And bedtime was no different.
11:22The triplets didn't want to settle and Naomi wanted a bandage.
11:26I'm not going to wrap it all up, but I'll put a loose bandage on.
11:29But that, you won't put a medicine on it.
11:32It doesn't need medicine.
11:33It will stick.
11:34Do you trust me?
11:35No, I don't.
11:36I don't trust you.
11:37I'm never going to trust you.
11:40Do you know why she might feel that way?
11:45I don't.
11:47If I see you getting up, now you lie down too.
11:51Good night.
11:53I'll go get your bandage, okay?
11:55Yes, again, Naomi was browbeating her mum until she got her own way.
11:59I can feel the medicine.
12:02Okay.
12:03She rolls me.
12:05Eventually, I give in.
12:08I win, I win, I win.
12:10I always win again.
12:12I've had a full day in the Mann family household.
12:19And I feel that there are so many issues that need to be addressed in this family.
12:22They have given in to their children.
12:24And it's totally unhealthy.
12:26And it's not teaching their children anything.
12:29Joe's here to assess the situation and take control of it and whip us into shape.
12:34That's scary.
12:35We're going to get paddled.
12:42You're going to be gentle, right?
12:46Sorry?
12:48You're going to be gentle.
12:49I'm going to be truthful.
12:53So, the first thing I want to talk about is discipline.
12:56Your messages are mixed.
12:59You know, upstairs with Nora, you spanked her and cuddled her at the same time.
13:06How messed up is that?
13:08I'm sorry, I don't agree with it.
13:10I know it's an old school of thinking.
13:13And I know it's what people did.
13:15But it's not necessary.
13:18Continue it.
13:19You're going to break a child's spirit.
13:21So, something drastically has to change.
13:24And we have to put measures in that allow us how to be able to discipline properly.
13:32Mark, let's talk about your situation.
13:35You and I discussed about you feeling overwhelmed and challenged with looking after the kids.
13:40I hear you.
13:41It's a huge responsibility.
13:43And I know that you feel desperate.
13:45And I know it's because you don't have the tools, but you then start to withdraw.
13:49It's like you're here, but you're not switched on.
13:51And I know you can see that.
13:53There has to be a place where you accept your family.
13:58Where you start to let your hair down and really enjoy fatherhood.
14:01But I didn't see that.
14:03There was about 10 minutes that I actually enjoyed being out yesterday.
14:06And I saw that.
14:07But it shouldn't take that.
14:09We shouldn't need the water, the beach, the sunset to have that.
14:13I agree.
14:14And I want to learn the tools from you.
14:18So, Melissa, what's going on between yourself and Naomi isn't good.
14:23She pushes your buttons and you allow her.
14:27And then you blame her for it.
14:29And that leaves you in a place where you respond to her in a way that's very hostile.
14:34Not healthy at all.
14:37The behaviour that she shows when she's angry is your behaviour.
14:41She's just mimicking your behaviour.
14:44And your messages are mixed.
14:47You spanked her and then you'll tell her no and then you give in anyway.
14:50It's important for us to discipline yet reassure our children that we love them.
14:56And it's the things that we do that builds that.
14:59But right now everything's so mixed.
15:02Everything's so confusing.
15:04And that shows me that it's very confusing up here in your mind.
15:08Because nothing's black and white for the kids.
15:11They haven't got a clue.
15:12You're confusing them even more.
15:13And it's ugly.
15:15It's ugly on the outside.
15:18And this is what's going to be important to change.
15:23Let's talk about bedtime.
15:25We could do with much work there.
15:27I can certainly teach you techniques to get them in their beds and staying in their beds
15:32as part of that sleeping process.
15:34Great.
15:35You've got a lot on your plate.
15:36I understand that.
15:37It's hard work.
15:38I just need two parents that are on board to want to do that.
15:41I'm on board.
15:43We're on board.
15:44All right.
15:45So we're in.
15:46Thank you very much.
15:56Both mum and dad have got their own parenting issues.
15:59But it's compounded when they don't work together.
16:01So what I'm going to do is to take them both out of their comfort zone and teach them individually.
16:07And then I'm going to bring them both back together.
16:10So discipline is one warning.
16:13The first thing I want to tackle is mum and discipline.
16:17Out with the old and in with the new technique.
16:19Naomi.
16:20Naomi.
16:20Naomi.
16:21Naomi, please come upstairs.
16:23No.
16:24And when Naomi started to play up, it was time for mum's first lesson.
16:27You're going to give her eye contact.
16:28You're going to come down to her level.
16:30And in a very firm voice, you're going to say to her, I asked you to listen and do as you're told.
16:38I asked you to come up here and you disobeyed me.
16:42The next time you don't obey me, you're going to go straight to the naughty bench.
16:47Do you understand?
16:48Do you understand?
16:49Okay, let go of her hand.
16:50Okay.
16:51And then I showed her where the naughty spot would be.
16:53You place them onto the bench.
16:56They'll stay there one minute per their age.
16:58So five minutes, three minutes, and then you walk away.
17:01Now all mum and dad needed was practice and Naomi obliged.
17:07No, she's not.
17:08She's about to do a timeout.
17:09Yep, because I told her not to do that again.
17:11Yep.
17:11She goes into timeout and she'll have to resume back at the table.
17:17Sit down.
17:23Sit down and explain.
17:25You're in timeout, Naomi, because we asked you.
17:29Mom, where's your voice?
17:30Where's that voice?
17:31We asked you to sit at the table and eat your dinner.
17:33They didn't want me to get so into anything.
17:36You're here for five minutes.
17:38And Naomi just freaked out.
17:41When Naomi was on the naughty bench and she was just screaming and throwing such a fit,
17:51I wasn't surprised by it.
17:52But at the same time, I was just humiliated that I have been such a large contributor
17:59to this very behavior.
18:01Mommy, Mom.
18:04Give me a minute.
18:06You're not in the club, Mom.
18:08And you're not my mother.
18:10Only yesterday in this situation, Mom would have resorted to spanking.
18:17The words are there to manipulate and to emotionally blackmail and to pull the strings
18:23that they've been pulling for far too long because you've allowed it.
18:27You've got to let it go over your head.
18:28You can't take it personally.
18:30Stop it!
18:31Stop my nanny!
18:33Eventually, Naomi did calm down and it gave Mom the opportunity to finish the time out.
18:37Naomi, you are here because you disobeyed.
18:43It was hard work, but it was really also encouraging.
18:53It felt empowering to finally do it in a way that was really going to make a difference.
18:59Now that I think that Mom's got discipline safely underneath her belt, it's time to work with Dad.
19:09I've got one T-shirt.
19:10So, if it's yours, we're going to wave goodbye to you and you and I are going to work.
19:17Dad really needs to learn how to manage all four kids by himself.
19:22And in order to do that, Mom's got to go away.
19:24And he's going to learn to be more capable and confident in looking after his children.
19:29Who wants to go to the park and play?
19:31Me!
19:32That's what I've had the most anxiety about doing.
19:34Wait, wait, wait. Everybody wait. Madeline's shoe.
19:36Okay, you two wait right here.
19:42Nathaniel! Nathaniel and Nora, wait. Everybody wait.
19:45Okay, now we're going to walk across the path here and we're going to go to the playground.
19:49Wait, wait, wait, wait.
19:49Ay, ay, ay. Look at this.
19:51We have to look both ways. Look to the left. Are there any cars?
19:54Nora? Nora? Nora, wait, wait.
20:00At this stage, when you've got two and two, you now need to be in the middle. Okay?
20:05Okay, we're going to cross then.
20:09Once they got to the little playground area, Dad got busy just having fun with the kids.
20:16I certainly think it's challenging for him. I think he's stepped up.
20:20I do believe that he can do this. I think he needs to believe that and know it.
20:24Yes. I got you.
20:28Mark, let's round the kids up.
20:30Hey, listen, everybody come here.
20:31And as we started to walk back, Naomi kicked off.
20:35She decided that she was going to go and do her own thing like a big grown-up woman.
20:40And Dad started to walk off. Mark, right from here, because you have three here, I want you to turn
20:46around in a very firm voice and say to Naomi, you need to come here right now, Naomi, because if you do not
20:54listen to Daddy, you are going to be in trouble later. Do you understand?
20:58Okay. Now, Naomi, you need to come here right now, or you're going to be in big trouble when we get back
21:03home. Thank you very much. Now, sit down on the bench. That's the first time that I saw Dad exercise
21:09his tone of voice out in public and Naomi respond. You talk with such conviction that they take you
21:15seriously. They know you're not messing around. That was really encouraging. It was maybe the single
21:20most empowering experience for me. Everybody walk. Good job.
21:23It was time to have lunch, and Dad had made chicken sandwich and fruit, and Naomi dug her heels in.
21:30No, I'm not eating it. Naomi wasn't going to back down, and she wanted her dad to give in.
21:37And you just really can't. So it really was a case of pushing through this with Dad,
21:42and having him in a place where he just felt strong enough to be able to continue
21:47with Naomi throughout all her temper tantrums.
21:52Nora started to kick off. There was timeouts, then back at the table again. I mean, this went on for hours.
22:06I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of timeouts that I did today.
22:09But I tell you what, he's stuck in there. We needed to stay strong with Naomi,
22:20and let her realize that she had to do as she was told.
22:25And eventually, she ate that sandwich.
22:28The hardest thing for me is to see how out of control Naomi is.
22:32I want my old mommy back and my old daddy.
22:36I think it was a very valuable exercise for Dad. However, the real, real practice is going to be
22:43when I'm gone, and having Dad do that exercise when I'm not around.
22:49I've worked with these parents individually, but now it's time for me to bring them together
22:53and see how they work as a team. And I don't think it's going to be that easy.
22:57Communication and organization is key for Mum and Dad.
23:01So, I've brought in a list with the most important thing at the top.
23:05Two kids per parent. So, between the pair of you, you will decide who is going to take care of who.
23:12So, this example here is for the beach, because that's where we are going to go.
23:17Mum and Dad will be responsible for working together as a team and completing everything on that list.
23:22Nora, Mommy's packing that. May I have it, please?
23:25But the fact is, it takes a lot of hard work to manage four kids and get them out of the house.
23:30No, no, that is Mommy's. Give me.
23:32Naomi, put your dress on.
23:35I need to go back!
23:37Mark, I would like for you to take everybody down, have them go to the bathroom.
23:43Are we taking our van?
23:44Yes.
23:45Okay, because there's a red van that's...
23:48Mark, Mark, in order for Mum to feel like you're working with her,
23:51she said, look, you know what, let's do this. And as soon as you go off on a tangent about something else,
23:56she's like, all right, are we going to do it? So, if you both team tag together and you get that done next,
24:01then you can throw the next thing in.
24:03Nora, you're not listening, Mommy.
24:04When Mum and Dad worked together and took a task each, everything got a lot easier.
24:09Soap, check.
24:12Got a comb or a brush?
24:14Comb.
24:14Well, Alyssa, before we go, who's going to have which kids?
24:17It's up to you.
24:18I've got Naomi and Madeline.
24:20I have Nathaniel and Nora.
24:22Daniel and Nora.
24:23Okay.
24:23Bingo.
24:24We still need a bathing suit.
24:26Yep.
24:26And here's their easy clothes.
24:27They could just put these dresses on.
24:29Okay, we're ready.
24:29We're ready?
24:30We're ready.
24:35Now they were prepared, it meant that half the battle was won.
24:38Whether Dad could step up and Mum could relax would be yet to be seen.
24:43Go on down to the beach, Faith.
24:45Mark, I'm going to go sit with Nathaniel for a minute.
24:48Okay, I'll watch the girls.
24:50Oh!
24:52You okay?
24:54Daddy's got you.
24:55Mum and Dad are working with one another, and that actually makes this experience beautiful
25:00for the whole family.
25:02Hi, boo!
25:04She's got three now.
25:05I'm staying with her.
25:07Hey, Mark!
25:12Being on the same page was helpful.
25:14Now I feel like we can actually go out and enjoy a lot more of our life.
25:20We can actually enjoy each other while we're being with the kids, and that feels really good.
25:24Okay, everybody.
25:24Mum and Dad did really well at the beach.
25:27I mean, they enjoyed themselves as a family.
25:30However, the real test is going to come when I'm gone.
25:32Next, it was time to tackle another problem together, bedtime.
25:39Come on, Mad, let's get your cosy jammies on.
25:41Bedtime's a nightmare in this house, because the triplets and Naomi refused to settle down.
25:46I don't try again.
25:48Using a crib for a timeout is wrong, and the triplets have outgrown their cribs anyway.
25:55So I gave the children brand new beds, and I put Nora and Madeline in one room,
25:59and Naomi and Nathaniel in the other.
26:02Once you've put the kids to bed, hugs and kisses, and they've had their stories,
26:07I would like you to come out of their bedrooms and leave their door ajar and come downstairs.
26:12If they want you, what they will do is come out of the bedroom and come down to find you.
26:17We'll see how it goes tonight.
26:19This is your first night in your big bed?
26:22And sure enough, separating the kids had an immediate effect,
26:25because Madeline and Nora fell asleep straight away.
26:28The next job, however, was keeping Naomi and Nathaniel in their own bedroom.
26:33Sorry, I'm turning the light off.
26:34No, no, no, I don't like you.
26:38Good night.
26:38I don't like you.
26:39I don't like it.
26:41All the kids are in their bedrooms.
26:42If they come out, we start the stay-in-bed technique.
26:46Dad, you're going to start the first step if Naomi comes down, OK?
26:49You're going to just go, it's bedtime, darling, and place her back, OK?
26:53Sit right here.
26:54No, I'm going to sit downstairs with Mommy.
26:56I'm not going to sleep.
26:57Lie down, Nathaniel.
26:59It's bedtime, sweetie.
27:00All right, don't let her reel you in.
27:02You know Naomi does that.
27:04We don't want that.
27:05Never mind about Nathaniel.
27:10It's just when she comes out that you deal with her correctly.
27:12It's time to go to bed.
27:13But I really wanted to go to sleep.
27:17It's time to go to bed.
27:21OK, you're on your third, which is no communication.
27:24Just gently put her back into bed.
27:26You're bad, Daddy.
27:35You are.
27:38Yet again, we are seeing Naomi give her parents a run for their money.
27:42And it's because she won't accept what they're saying.
27:45So she wants to be able to control it.
27:47I hate you, Daddy.
27:49What's the longest this has ever gone on for you?
27:51Oh, probably about four hours.
27:53You're mean.
27:57You are.
28:07I'm hungry.
28:08I'm tired.
28:08There's monsters.
28:09I need something to drink.
28:11I need to go potty.
28:12You name it.
28:12We'll get every excuse in the book.
28:23Mommy.
28:29I haven't heard a thump yet.
28:31We're at two hours.
28:32Go on, Mark.
28:33Go check it out.
28:33Go and check.
28:40Victory.
28:41You guys have just done the sleeping technique with four kids.
28:46And they're in beds.
28:48You should be really proud of yourselves.
28:49You have helped us.
28:50Can I tell you what the biggest miracle has been tonight for me?
28:54Is I never got upset once.
28:57It's amazing what you can do, right?
28:59It feels really good not to need the spoon anymore.
29:02Especially with Naomi.
29:03I am going for several days.
29:05The pair of you nip the behavior in the bud.
29:07Keep it calm with Naomi.
29:10Understand that it's changed for her as well.
29:13In saying that, I'm off.
29:16Okay.
29:17It's kind of scary.
29:19Because it's really been nice having Jo there as a safety net.
29:22But it's also really good because I feel like we both have a new sense of confidence.
29:27Have a great couple days.
29:29You too.
29:30Enjoy it.
29:30Enjoy.
29:31I'm not ready for her to leave.
29:33I'm a little nervous that I'm not going to be able to pull it off the next couple of days.
29:38It's going to be difficult for them.
29:43But if they can come together and talk to one another, then I think they should do pretty well.
29:53I've been away for several days.
29:55I hope that Mr. Wooden Spoon hasn't crept back into the house.
29:59Okay, so the first clip we're going to take a look at, Mark and Naomi.
30:03Time out.
30:03Is it my bed?
30:04You lost my bed.
30:05If it's your bed, come on.
30:06Daddy!
30:07You've got to come down right now.
30:08No!
30:09She's not.
30:11All right.
30:11You're going into time out.
30:13You don't pinch me on my face like that.
30:15Come on.
30:15I need to put these back.
30:17I will put them back.
30:17No, I'm not.
30:23No, I don't want it to go on now.
30:25We're in time out because you pinched me and hit me.
30:29And because you yelled at me.
30:32I hate you.
30:33I need to put them up there.
30:35Go.
30:41I'm just going to leave her up in the closet.
30:43And when she's had enough, she'll come down and then she'll have her time out.
30:54Time out for five minutes.
30:55for using mean words, hitting and kicking, okay?
30:58Five minutes.
31:04Tell me why you were in time out.
31:11What else did you do?
31:19You did the right thing in that circumstance completely.
31:22She came down and knew that she would have to sit
31:24on that time out and she actually put herself on it.
31:26And then you continued with the discipline,
31:29which was important.
31:31So this was very good to see, all right?
31:34Dad's on the job.
31:36Who wants to go to KidVentures?
31:39Me. I do.
31:41Naomi, I told you you have to hold his hand.
31:43I want Maddie.
31:44No, Maddie, you're gonna hold Nora's finger.
31:46Why?
31:47Because this is what I said.
31:48You can hold Naomi's hand when we get inside.
31:50Nathaniel, Madeline and Nora, wait.
31:52Stop, stop.
31:53Naomi, stop.
31:54Naomi, stop.
31:55Naomi, keep me.
31:57We're gonna stay together in here, okay?
31:59Look at the dinosaur, huh?
32:01Ooh, you hear him growling?
32:03Rawr.
32:04Rawr.
32:05Rawr.
32:06Rawr.
32:07Rawr.
32:08Rawr.
32:09Rawr.
32:10Rawr.
32:11Rawr.
32:12I'm a pirate shark.
32:13Stay right with me.
32:14Stay right with me.
32:15Good job.
32:16Hey.
32:17Tell me the difference between you not so long ago and you now.
32:24I have a totally different sense of confidence.
32:27The kids are listening to me.
32:29In the past, if I ever did anything with them, it was kind of corralling them by yelling at
32:33them.
32:34What would you say to another father who was in your shoes and who felt that the only
32:40way to control a situation was to smack and get out a wooden spoon?
32:44Seriously.
32:45It's a way you can make the change.
32:46Things can be different.
32:47It's a 180.
32:48It is.
32:49It's a total 180 from where I was.
32:53So, let's move on to the next one.
32:56Mum and Naomi.
32:57Ooh.
32:58Here we go.
32:59I don't like you, Mum.
33:01Naomi, those are mean words.
33:03You had a warning.
33:04You, I hate you.
33:06I love you.
33:09I don't want to look at any of your laws.
33:12Okay.
33:13I hate you every day.
33:15I really hate you.
33:16I hate you.
33:17Oh, her words just go right to my core.
33:24Because she knows that she always got a reaction from you when she used those words,
33:29that was her way of getting your attention.
33:31And you've got to learn to be able to go like this.
33:33When she used to say things to you, you would get angry and you would shout and you would
33:37yell and smack her.
33:38How are you feeling with regards to Naomi?
33:42Naomi.
33:43In the beginning, you had quite harsh things to say.
33:45I just feel like there's much to be done.
33:54And I just realised that I have a lot of work there to do.
33:58We will need to work on this relationship because I believe there's much healing to be done
34:03there.
34:04I think that we are certainly on the road of doing that with a pair of you.
34:09So, let's move on to the next phase.
34:10I know Mark feels really overwhelmed, but he's not alone.
34:20I mean, at last count, 6,000 sets of triplets were born every year in the USA.
34:27There's so many groups out there that cater towards mums and their experiences with their
34:32children.
34:33But what about the dads?
34:34What about the guys who change the diapers?
34:36So, I took Dad out to meet up with a couple of other guys who are the fathers of triplets,
34:42who understand exactly what he's going through.
34:45So, how are things going?
34:47Um, you mean this week or overall or today?
34:52Having kids in a family changes the marriage and having triplets really changes the marriage.
34:56Once we had the kids, everything was focused on the kids.
34:59So, we go out to dinner.
35:00We actually went out to our anniversary dinner and we're sitting there and we're like,
35:04So, I wonder how the kids are doing?
35:07Perhaps we should actually call them right now.
35:10It was really good and hopeful for me to see, you know, three other dads who've been through
35:15everything that I've been through.
35:16I often will when I get the chance.
35:18I've got to run errands or something.
35:19I'll take one of the kids with me just so I can have some one-on-one time.
35:22How do you deal with that sense of guilt at what you're not giving to the others when
35:26you're investing in the one?
35:28Triplets are a little pod of people and they move around as a group.
35:30And if you take one out and say, hey, let's go to the grocery store together.
35:34My kids love it.
35:35We take turns doing it.
35:37I don't think it's a feeling of guilt.
35:38I don't feel guilty about it.
35:39I think it's fun one-on-one time.
35:42There's sort of the group dynamic in the house.
35:44I think when you take them out individually, it's a different thing.
35:46They kind of assert their individuality.
35:47Like I had one son the other day, we were going to the store.
35:49I was going, hey, can I go to the store?
35:51I'm like, yeah, sure, come with.
35:52He's like, I love you, Dad.
35:53You know, I was like, oh my God, I can't believe this is going to happen.
35:55I think to see their enthusiasm and their kind of zest for being fathers of their kids, I think was really good for me.
36:02So is there an official network?
36:04How did you guys meet each other?
36:05There is.
36:06The more the merrier.
36:07The more the merrier.
36:08It's like 60 families, I think, involved.
36:09In fact, next Tuesday, there's a big get-together at a restaurant.
36:12You should go.
36:13Wow.
36:14Joe, that's amazing.
36:15It was really cool that there's a network already existing of people who face the same kind of issues that we do.
36:20And so, Tuesday, we're going.
36:22No, but seriously, thank you so much.
36:24I think the meeting went really well.
36:26I mean, they all enjoyed themselves.
36:28And it's nice to know that when Mark feels overwhelmed, he has a place to go.
36:33Blessings. Take care.
36:34Bye-bye.
36:39The fact is, Naomi and her mother's relationship is still strained.
36:44And I see it as one last chance, really, to bring them closer together.
36:48I can perch here.
36:50Before I came, you wasn't very happy, was you, with Mummy?
36:54Sometimes Mummy wasn't very happy with you, was she?
36:57Yeah, that's right.
36:58What I want to do is actually present you with this book.
37:01It says, Mum and Naomi, show and share.
37:05OK.
37:06So, Naomi, you need to find something that you want to show Mummy and share with her.
37:11What you think about it or how it makes you feel.
37:15And what do you like about it?
37:16I'll talk about it.
37:17Yeah.
37:18All of that, OK?
37:19The point of the show and share is to get both Mum and Naomi
37:22to emotionally become more intimate with one another
37:25so they can share their memories and enjoy those experiences.
37:28And this is my fifth birthday.
37:30Tell Mummy about your fifth birthday and why it's special.
37:33It was fun.
37:34We went to the jumping thing and we jumped and then we went to a place and we ate there.
37:40It's a nice moment when you see mother and daughter talking about the good times that they've had.
37:45We went to the Syracuse Zoo in New York and we had popsicles and there's that picture.
37:51That's us at that celebration and it was just Mummy and you.
37:54I'd love for you to draw the zoo.
37:57I would really like Melissa and Naomi to do the show and share every week
38:01because if they do this they're going to become a lot closer together
38:05and they're going to have happier feelings because their experiences are going to be happier.
38:09I'm so excited about my future with Naomi.
38:12I feel like Joe has helped me to really turn a 180 in my approach to Naomi.
38:17That's me and my mummy looking at the peacock.
38:22So it is.
38:26Bye.
38:27Bye.
38:28The changes I saw in the children are the changes that I live for when I teach families.
38:35These kids are three and five.
38:37They are going to squabble.
38:39But that's the journey.
38:40Joe, we can't begin to express how thankful and grateful we are for everything that you've given to us.
38:47I feel like we're starting on a new path.
38:51It's bright and it has so much possibility.
38:55This has been a transforming week for us and we have a lot to really feel good about.
38:59I am going home.
39:01Having Joe here has really empowered me and given me hope that I can become the kind of parent that I'm supposed to be.
39:11Keep in touch.
39:12You too, Joe.
39:13Naomi.
39:16It was very hard to say goodbye to Joe.
39:18You take care.
39:19Listen, listen, listen.
39:20You are going to be okay.
39:22You know that, right?
39:23I do.
39:24She's given me faith in myself.
39:27You know, she's definitely changed my life and she's changed my family.
39:31I'm just very grateful.
39:33I'm just very grateful.
39:52Hey.
39:54Ooh.
39:56ами