- há 5 meses
The boys are mouthy due to their parents' constant arguing, which threatens the stability of their marriage. They also bicker and cause all sorts of mischief around the household. Can Supernanny help this family?
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00:01Well, I'm in South Carolina, and it's rather humid.
00:04But I'm here to help a family, so why don't we take a look?
00:06Hi, we're the Bentons.
00:08I'm Amber.
00:09I'm Greg.
00:10And we have two boys, Rivers, who's 10,
00:13and Hunter, who's 8.
00:17Stop it.
00:18That hurts.
00:19Hunter is a strong-willed child.
00:22Stop it.
00:23Rivers is the fuel to Hunter's fire,
00:26and he instigates Hunter a lot.
00:29Dude, stop!
00:31The boys fight on a daily basis.
00:34I hit him!
00:36I'm gonna kill him.
00:38Rivers and Hunter both have potty mouths,
00:41is what I like to call it.
00:42I'm a man.
00:43Hunter.
00:44You're a woman.
00:46Take her like a man.
00:48For my discipline techniques, I do a lot of yelling,
00:51which is not very effective at all.
00:53Turn off your light and get in the band now.
00:57I make a lot of threats to the boys.
00:59You go to your room now.
01:01You're supposed to be in your room.
01:02Go to your own room.
01:04I'm just wore out.
01:05Where's the follow through on discipline?
01:07So I wonder why these boys just do what they want.
01:10Stop it now.
01:11Go to your room.
01:12I'm probably a little more aggressive than Amber is,
01:14as far as discipline.
01:16What are you doing, son?
01:17Why would you do that?
01:18They know how far they can go and how much they can get away
01:20with.
01:22Get the gloves and go put them up now.
01:24Once I reach that point, then I will respond.
01:27I'm disappointed in you.
01:29I mean, seriously, like, no room to breathe.
01:32He wants us to build up on getting weight in here and then
01:36run around the house because it helps us run faster.
01:39Physical strength and being physically fit, that is a
01:42priority.
01:43They work out with weights.
01:45Me pushing them, I'm giving them that little extra edge.
01:48I do want my boys to be tough.
01:51I'm getting tired already.
01:52Just listen to Dad.
01:54Rivers, you're faster, but you're not hitting strong.
01:56What kind of perfection is he looking for?
01:59Get down there on your homework now.
02:01Rivers' big problem is his homework.
02:04Sit at the table so you're not daydreaming out there.
02:08He can't even get a book out without us there over him.
02:12I'm not staying up at 11 o'clock tonight doing homework,
02:15son.
02:16Hurry up.
02:17I've been studying this for all week and you can't tell me
02:19the Mississippi River?
02:20Sit up here and learn.
02:22How's this little boy meant to get his homework done?
02:25He's a nervous wreck.
02:27Don't you dare do it.
02:28Hunter, what's wrong with you?
02:29Put that down.
02:30Things escalate and it turns the whole house upside down.
02:34Hunter!
02:35You didn't know that.
02:37Do not jump on my couch.
02:39At times I have felt like we were going to fall apart and the
02:43boys were going to be the demise of our family.
02:46Ribs, go to your room right now.
02:47Stop!
02:48We can't handle it anymore and we need some help.
02:50Stop.
02:51Super Nanny, please come save us now.
02:54Hey guys, I know you're frustrated but please hold on in there because I'm going to be with
02:58you pretty soon.
02:59Hello.
03:00How are you?
03:01Pleased to meet you.
03:02Nice to meet you.
03:03When Jo first walked in, I couldn't believe she was standing there at that door.
03:20I didn't know what to even say to her.
03:21Hi, pleased to meet you.
03:22Hey Jo, I'm Greg.
03:23Nice to meet you.
03:24Nice to meet you.
03:25This is Hunter.
03:26Hi Hunter, pleased to meet you.
03:27Jo.
03:28Is this your brother here?
03:29This is the older brother, Rivers.
03:30Hi Rivers.
03:31Nice to meet you.
03:32Jo, how are you?
03:33What I would like to see is just you guys do what you normally do.
03:37And what the boys usually do is play outside.
03:40Get him, buddy.
03:42Get him.
03:43Get him, Hunter.
03:44Get him.
03:45Good shot, buddy.
03:48I know Dad has some unusual methods in how he keeps his boys fit.
03:52Get him, Hunter.
03:53Get him.
03:54And I really wanted to ask him about it.
03:55What's the purpose of the weights?
03:57Just to help them be stronger.
03:59We got the boys doing all the different exercises to work on their strength and work on their development.
04:05It says you've been lifting the weights because you've got the muscles.
04:08Yes, ma'am.
04:09I work out because he gives me a six pack and takes a little six packs.
04:13I wanted to teach them how to take care of themselves as men.
04:17Above all else, I can see that Dad really values being a man.
04:22Don't let him get you, Hunter.
04:23Come on, son.
04:24You got to run him down.
04:25Why are you so tired already?
04:27All right, come on.
04:28Get up.
04:29After Dad went away, Rivers came to Mom to share a problem with her.
04:39Hunter, why are you calling him names?
04:41Yeah, I don't want to see him.
04:43Hunter.
04:44I feel like he's gay.
04:45I feel like he's gay.
04:46Stop it.
04:48Keep your hands to yourself and your comments to yourself.
04:53What did he call him?
04:55He told him he was gay and called him.
05:01These boys should not be using a homophobic derogatory slur.
05:06It's offensive.
05:07It's morally not right.
05:09So is that quite typical then of Hunter to be abusive with his words?
05:13Yeah, very abusive with his words all the time.
05:17I can see that emotionally, it's very upsetting for you.
05:22I want people to like him.
05:25And I don't want my child to be the one that nobody wants around,
05:29which is what we've got right now.
05:31Do people talk about it?
05:33They do.
05:34Where do you think he gets that ugly mouth from?
05:37I don't know.
05:37He's his own person.
05:39Mom's acting or mystified about the language that the kids are using.
05:44But you know, it's not rocket science to work out where these kids are
05:47learning that language from.
05:50With the boys back inside, it was time for Rivers' homework.
05:53Oh, Rivers and homework.
05:56That is a very long, drawn-out process every day.
06:02We're going to go over here spelling words
06:04so we're not up until midnight tonight.
06:07Rivers started to get the books out.
06:08And then before we knew it, we were into a spelling test.
06:12Gigantic.
06:13G-I-G-A-N-T.
06:15I see.
06:16I saw that Rivers was relying on Dad to give him the answers.
06:20He's not going to learn anything this way.
06:22A.
06:23No.
06:24S-T-O-M-A-C-H.
06:26Again.
06:27So Dad started to lose patience.
06:30Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
06:32Put a mark.
06:33You don't know that one.
06:34Let's get through these quickly.
06:35K-S-P-I-R-E-R.
06:38No, you don't know that one.
06:39Spell Boston.
06:40B-O-S-T-A-R-D.
06:42No.
06:43Hunter.
06:44Get out of here.
06:45And then Hunter came in and then Hunter wanted a full-blown conversation.
06:49We're studying.
06:50Put that stick down.
06:51B-O-S-T-O-N.
06:52No, B-O-S-T-O-N.
06:54I was just thinking, how is this really helping Rivers?
06:57All right.
06:58You know which ones you miss.
06:59All right.
07:00Those five you miss, why don't you go in there and write them out two times each.
07:03I think that his parents have made him feel like a nuisance, like a burden.
07:08There is no patience, there's no tolerance.
07:11And then it leads to him feeling so incompetent about doing any of his homework.
07:16The problem is here, at this table.
07:18So you think that the problem lies with Rivers?
07:20Yes.
07:24The boys can be very aggressive and mischievous, especially Hunter.
07:33Hunter.
07:34I really wanted to find out if Hunter understood the impact on his family when he misbehaves.
07:41And so I decided to have a conversation with him.
07:44We have such an aggressive family.
07:46All right.
07:47Who do you think is more aggressive?
07:49My daddy.
07:50Your dad.
07:51Sometimes he's just unhappy because my mama was unhappy with him.
07:59My mama says to my daddy, get out my life and stuff like that.
08:03All right.
08:04Okay.
08:05So basically, mommy and daddy have their arguments and stuff like that.
08:08It usually happens at night around 11 and stuff like that.
08:13And then how does that make you feel?
08:15It makes me feel like you're about to divorce.
08:20And have you ever heard your parents mention that word before, divorce?
08:23Yeah.
08:24Yeah.
08:25This was quite surprising to hear this from Hunter because I hadn't seen mom and dad in
08:30a place where I thought it was that bad.
08:32Something smells good.
08:33Sometimes parents try too hard to cover up the little flaws that are happening there and
08:39then.
08:40But you know that there's got to be something going on, otherwise you wouldn't be there.
08:43Father God, we just give you thanks for this meal.
08:45We pray that you'll be with us this evening.
08:46In your gracious name we pray.
08:47Amen.
08:48Amen.
08:50Thanks for today.
08:51All right.
08:53And I'll see you tomorrow for the family meeting.
08:54Okay.
08:56Okay, thanks.
08:57Thanks.
08:58Bye.
08:59Have a good night.
09:00See you tomorrow.
09:01Bye.
09:02I am very nervous knowing I'm going to sit down with Jo.
09:03I've got all ideas.
09:04She's going to tell Greg and I it's not the kids.
09:06It's Greg and I that are causing these issues that's in our home.
09:12Well, it's been an interesting observation day to say the least.
09:16But at the end of the day, I'm able to read between the lines.
09:19That's my job.
09:20So we get to have a family meeting.
09:22I hope they're ready for it.
09:33So let's talk about discipline.
09:35There isn't really a discipline in this house.
09:37You talk a good talk, but there is no following through.
09:40There is no warning.
09:41There is no, this is what we expect from you.
09:44You're right.
09:45The boys don't know what their consequences are.
09:47And everybody has to learn that.
09:49There are consequences, whether they're good or bad, for whatever action you take.
09:52And it's about teaching these kids to not be impulsive, but to listen, take direction,
09:57and do as they're told.
09:59Okay.
10:00So let's talk about homework.
10:02Rivers, he's very, very nervous when he does his homework.
10:06Most definitely.
10:07The longer we sit here, the more frustrated we get, the more nervous Rivers gets.
10:12It's creating this hostility between you all, and you're making the situation worse.
10:18I think that there's a good, happy medium in being able to find more independence in doing
10:24the subjects he can do, and the ones that he is going to need more help with, and pacing
10:29that homework so that you're not forever spending three or four hours a night doing that.
10:34Are we ready to make a change for that?
10:36Okay.
10:37So let's knuckle down and talk about the boys-to-men stuff.
10:40I've listened to you talk about them needing to be mentally strong, and be tough, and be
10:46able to pack a punch.
10:47But where does it leave room for the three of you to be more emotionally connected?
10:54It's not unmanly for them to be in tap with their emotions.
11:01It's very important because it allows them to have smart, intelligent conversations
11:06that can lead to resolution rather than using their fists.
11:11I wasn't happy in the slightest to hear Hunter's mouth.
11:16He thinks it's okay to go around calling people.
11:22No, that's not okay.
11:23He claims Daddy says it.
11:28You lead by example.
11:30And what role model are you being?
11:34It's not okay.
11:35It's got to change.
11:37It's got to change.
11:39You've kept quiet, but your mouth said a lot.
11:46Look at this.
11:47You've got a wife who's almost too scared to speak at the table, in case it causes conflict.
11:51It's hard to point flaws out because you know it's going to resort in an argument sooner or later.
12:00Saying that, I do want to talk about communication, because communication between the pair of you is hot when it shouldn't be.
12:10Hunter's told me that this is what's gone down.
12:13You fire off at one another, you get nasty with one another, and it's not good.
12:19Mm-mm.
12:20And everything that you're seeing from your children is coming from what's been going on between the pair of you.
12:30Hunter's scared that his parents are going to get a divorce.
12:34I'd like to get busy doing some work.
12:40So I've watched the kids misbehave.
12:53Hunter's told me what he has.
12:55Everything isn't what it seems.
12:57So I do believe Mum and Dad are in for a wake-up call.
13:00I need to show Mum and Dad what effect they're arguing is having on their family.
13:04Let's take a look at some video footage and talk about what we're going to see here, okay?
13:12We have such an aggressive family.
13:14Who do you think is more aggressive?
13:16My daddy.
13:17Your dad.
13:18Sometimes he's just unhappy because my mama was unhappy with him.
13:25My mama says to my daddy, get out of my life and stuff like that.
13:29How do you feel when you have to listen to that?
13:31It makes me feel like you're about to divorce.
13:35And have you ever heard your parents mention that word before, divorce?
13:39And have they both said it or has one parent said it?
13:42It's usually my mama that says it.
13:48There was this silence.
13:53And you could see that they were both thinking, wow.
13:57You know, this is our son saying this.
14:00I knew that I had now touched some very raw nerves.
14:05And I knew it was time for us all to sit down and get talking.
14:08And Dad wasted no time.
14:10A whole volcano erupted there and then in front of me.
14:15You come in here in front of me and my wife and start bringing up divorce as if we're about to get a divorce.
14:19You turn this into something that it's not.
14:21Turning what? Into what, please?
14:22This whole situation.
14:24Greg became very defensive.
14:26He felt that, you know, he was coming off looking bad.
14:29Then you insinuated we're on the brink of a divorce because my child told you that.
14:33Nobody has insinuated we're on the brink of a divorce, baby.
14:36That's what it seems like to me.
14:38That's what it seems like to me.
14:40That's what she's trying to portray.
14:41No, I'm not waiting a minute and I'm not going to be a part of it.
14:44Hunter just said, my mom has talked about divorce.
14:48So you said that in front of them?
14:50Yes, I've said it in front of them.
14:51Okay.
14:52I have said, why don't we just get a divorce if we're this unhappy?
14:55I have said that.
14:56Okay.
14:57Hunter's expressing his feelings to somebody he feels like he can open up to.
15:01And you should respect that.
15:02I do respect that.
15:04I don't respect Joe taking him out there by himself and start putting words in his and
15:08getting him to say things about divorce.
15:11And then come over here and put on a tape and like, this is what's going on with your family.
15:17I mean, it wasn't good at all to listen to this man feel this way.
15:21But I realized that the truth has hit him hard.
15:26Do you know what, Greg?
15:28You refuse to accept and listen and respect what your wife has to say because you don't like what you're hearing.
15:35That's not so.
15:36Really?
15:37Joe's not here to hurt us.
15:38Wait a minute.
15:39She's here to help us.
15:40I'm asking you, since everything's coming out, it's a big surprise now, why haven't you ever said anything?
15:45You know how we all feel.
15:48You know I love you.
15:49You know your children love you.
15:51You know we all love you.
15:53But the fact is, we have problems in this family that need to be resolved.
15:59And I'm at my last resort.
16:02No, it's not the last resort.
16:04Yes, it is.
16:06So this is the last resort.
16:08It's been, how long have we had our boys now?
16:11Eight, ten years?
16:13Between the two of them?
16:15We have problems.
16:16And for you to sit there and say we don't, you're in denial.
16:21I mean, we are dysfunctional and nobody's blaming it just on you.
16:25Okay.
16:26It's all of us.
16:27It's me and you as a pair fighting the way we do constantly around our boys.
16:33There's a better way for us to handle our situations than what we're doing now.
16:37Joe?
16:38You got anything to say?
16:39No.
16:40Not a word.
16:41Don't shut down, Greg.
16:42Don't shut down.
16:43No.
16:44This is y'all's ball game.
16:45Y'all finish it.
16:46No, it's our ball game.
16:47I told you.
16:48I told you.
16:49Don't throw me under the bus.
16:50And this is exactly what you did.
16:51See, and this is the problem.
16:52I hope you're happy.
16:53I don't see what you see.
16:54You got what you wanted.
16:55No, you got what you wanted.
16:56You feel like it's all being put on you.
16:57So you finish your ball games.
16:58Nobody has thrown you under the bus.
16:59You know why?
17:00At this point, I don't care what any of y'all say.
17:03Greg, don't quit.
17:06Greg.
17:07Will you just give me the respect to talk for two minutes, please?
17:08I feel like it's all being put on you.
17:09So you finish your ballgames.
17:10Nobody has told you honor the boss.
17:13I don't care what any of y'all say.
17:16Greg, don't quit.
17:21Greg, will you just give me the respect to talk
17:25for two minutes, please?
17:26I'm not talking to you.
17:27Will you give me the respect?
17:28I'm not even talking to you.
17:30And I hope you're happy.
17:38She wants to talk to you.
17:40I don't want to talk.
17:42Listen, I feel like a lot of these situations,
17:44you are the one taking them out of contact.
17:46I don't have to know why,
18:01I don't want to talk with you.
18:06And finally, you are the one taking them out of contact.
18:07context. Hunter felt comfortable enough to go to Joe and air out his problems. That's
18:13his right. Wait a minute. I'm talking. I'm talking. He didn't just go and say that. She
18:19asked him. She got that out of him. Look what you're doing. Watching both parents talk to
18:24one another is no healthy situation. They talk over each other, not listening to the
18:29other person, and it's a shambles. Time out. Hold on. Time out. Time out. Okay. Hold on.
18:36Let me just get something out of my bag. Hold on a minute. So I brought in a timer to
18:40let this family know that every time it turns, that they have two minutes to talk and the
18:45other person has to be disciplined enough to listen to what they have to say. The pair
18:50of you, you start to talk, then you talk over. You start to talk and you talk over. Nobody's
18:56listening. You talk. When this water runs out, then you start. Okay? Listen to what the other
19:04person's saying. Hear it, and then respond. Joe was a safe place for Hunter to go to,
19:12and I think you feel like I knew all about that. It was the biggest surprise to me as
19:18it was to you. So a lot of things you're taking out of context, and then you're getting offended
19:25at me and upset with me because you think I'm throwing you under the bus. You're very well
19:30aware of the problems around here, just as I am, just as the two boys are. So nothing
19:35should be a surprise.
19:42The only point I'm trying to make is I'm not shocked by what you're saying. I just,
19:46I don't like the way that went about it. I'm not saying that Hunter's creating things. I do. He's
19:53obviously heard the word because he said that his mama said it. And, you know, if that word
19:59is being thrown around, then, you know, let's do something about it.
20:05We say a lot of words in anger that we shouldn't say, and not meaning it. So that, that's a fault,
20:12and that's something we need help with. And I recognize that. That's an area that we need
20:16tremendous help in.
20:17I think the timer worked well. As they started to recognize it was important to listen to one
20:23another, it actually brought their tempers down. So I think it's a good little measure for those
20:28first five or 10 minutes when they're like two balls in a china shop. I want to now do what I
20:35have to do to make things right and better for my children. Because if we don't change, Hunter's
20:41never going to change.
20:42The fact is now, we're looking at boys that are in a place that everything they take now,
20:48they're going to take into their adulthoods.
20:51What kind of got me the most is, it's not about me. You know, it's about my wife,
20:56and it's about my two sons. It's about the Benton family.
20:59I'm ready to move forward. I'm ready to change things. I've been ready.
21:05Well, let's do it.
21:12You mean you're not going to kick me out of your house?
21:14I guess I'll let you stay a little bit longer.
21:16So now with Greg on board, I wanted to dive in straight away and work out homework for
21:29Rivers. So I am going to have to put in a technique that would allow Rivers to identify when he
21:35needed his parents' help and when he could do it himself. The subjects that you need more
21:39help on, you're going to place an M and D on. Does anybody know what M and D stands for?
21:45Am I difficult?
21:46No, but that was pretty good.
21:48That was good.
21:48Okay, mum and dad.
21:50Oh, yeah.
21:51The work that you don't need mum and dad's help for have Rivers on them. And the reason
21:56for this, Rivers, is because I want you to become more confident doing your homework yourself
22:01and not being dependent on mum and dad to give you the answers all the time.
22:05Rivers, you're going to put your stickers on the appropriate books. Okay, so let him
22:12do it.
22:12All right, you do it.
22:13Yeah, let him do it.
22:14All right.
22:15So you put an R on there.
22:16Shh.
22:17I'm telling him.
22:17Hold on, please.
22:18Let him do it. Let him do it. Greg was still modicoddling him through everything.
22:22Hey, let him do it. He's got to think for himself.
22:25He's got to think for himself because he's not going to have you always, is he, in that classroom?
22:29No, I'm not always going to be there, buddy.
22:30Joe recognised right away us being right over him. Just got to stop.
22:35The last part of homework is creating some boundaries between the parent and Rivers.
22:41And now, okay, we're going to find you a place for you to go when it's just you doing the R work.
22:49Okay, sound good. Yeah, you're smiling. You're like, yeah, this sounds good.
22:52All right, smiles for everybody, okay?
22:54I felt relief when I saw Joe giving us a plan of action to deal with this homework situation.
23:00And Rivers was ecstatic about it.
23:04And I think that that's going to be a confidence builder for him.
23:11Get out your penmanship, Bucs.
23:12You are supposed to be doing your penmanship.
23:15When Hunter wouldn't sit down and do his homework, it was a perfect opportunity for me to teach mom how to do discipline properly.
23:22Take that piece of metal out of your mouth now, before you break your teeth.
23:31No, sir, I don't think so.
23:33It doesn't matter if you're playing. We're not playing right now.
23:37I couldn't believe my eyes. Mom was in his face, and he couldn't care less.
23:40Place the pencil in my hand.
23:43Gently.
23:45Hunter, this is your warning, Hunter.
23:46Hand me the other pencil. Hand me the pencil.
23:49Hand, this is your last chance.
23:52Excuse me?
23:53This was your warning.
23:54Last chance.
23:55This was your warning.
23:56No, no, no, no. He's already had a warning.
24:00He needs some discipline, so he can go and sit up in his room, and he can stay there for eight minutes and think about what he's done.
24:07And I suggest you tell him.
24:08You've got to step up, Amber. Otherwise, you're always going to get this from Hunter.
24:12It's all very well me stepping in and talking to Hunter, but I'm not Hunter's mother, and I'm not going to be there forever.
24:18Mom needs to recognize that if she follows through, she will get that respect from Hunter, but she's going to need to work for it.
24:25Go to your room.
24:26Look what he's doing.
24:27Hunter, I'm talking to you.
24:29You have eight minutes in your room, and I will let you know when you...
24:32Hunter.
24:33Okay, okay.
24:33I know, you don't...
24:34Hunter, come here, please.
24:36Right now.
24:38Mom was really struggling to get Hunter to get into his room, and so I had to step in again.
24:42You see the stuff that you're doing there in the kitchen with your mum?
24:46It's not acceptable.
24:47Do you understand me?
24:50Now take yourself upstairs, please.
24:52And when those eight minutes were over, I went with mum to help her finish her first proper time out.
25:08Could you sit up and look at me, please?
25:09Could you?
25:10Is that a question?
25:11Are you asking or are you telling me?
25:12Sit up and look at me.
25:13Yeah.
25:14Do you know why you were sent to your room?
25:16Before I mistreated you?
25:18What should you do for mistreating mum?
25:20Sorry.
25:22Amber recognises the importance now of discipline, but she needs to do it correctly.
25:26Her biggest challenge is going to be following through.
25:29I'm going for several days, and I just don't know if mum can keep this up.
25:33I mean, only time will tell.
25:38I'm going away for three days.
25:40I've left quite a few techniques in this house to be followed through on.
25:43They certainly have a lot of homework to do, and I really hope that they get these techniques underneath their belt, because it's going to make a huge difference.
25:52Dad.
25:53Yes.
25:53If you get a chance for you to do anything with the boys that's just nurturing the emotional side, spot on.
26:01With Joe being gone, you know, the rules are going to have to be enforced.
26:05You know, we cannot just let it slide.
26:08Amber, you showed good promise when you were stepping up doing discipline.
26:12I want to see you follow through and do that, okay?
26:14I've exhausted everything with Hunter, and I'm not really sure which way to turn now, and I'm not going to have Joe there to jump in and help me with that.
26:22That's going to be the toughest thing for me.
26:34All right.
26:36Ready to watch this DVD or not?
26:38Yeah.
26:38I'm ready.
26:39I don't know.
26:39We'll see.
26:40So, homework.
26:42Let's take a look and see how we got on with that.
26:47What do you mean you're done with this math?
26:49How can you be done with it?
26:51The first one I looked at, you ain't done.
26:53Is that supposed to be a two or a three right there?
26:56A three.
26:58Are you sure that's supposed to be a three?
27:00How about a two?
27:01We're going to finish those three, because really, technically, you're supposed to work all the way up to page 36.
27:06I'm not going to make you do it today, though.
27:09But we're taking your science book to the beach.
27:12Come here, before you leave.
27:13Okay, this is your area here, but one thing I expect you to do is clean it up.
27:19Oh, dear.
27:23Amber, what happened?
27:26Well, I go back and I look up all the answers to make sure he's answered them correct.
27:30It's not your homework.
27:33It's River's homework.
27:34I mean, it's one thing to look over work and say, hey, son, you've got a couple wrong here, and circle them.
27:41But you're doing it for him.
27:44You're over-controlling.
27:46You have got to step back.
27:48Seriously, you're a pain in the butt.
27:50How is he learning?
27:53What's going to happen when the boy has to sit with 30 other kids and do an exam?
27:58How's he going to do it on his own?
28:00Let's move on to Dad's tone.
28:02I'm not even going to do it.
28:04Okay, well, that's your choice.
28:06Let me go downstairs.
28:07Listen, when I come back up here, you better be writing those spelling words,
28:11and you better have all this stuff here picked up.
28:13Pick this stuff up now.
28:14I will.
28:15No, you pick it up now.
28:15I am.
28:17Pick it up now.
28:17I'm going.
28:18Or I'm fixing to add an hour to your time out.
28:20I'm going.
28:21I'm going.
28:21I'm going.
28:22Dang.
28:23Stop talking to me like that.
28:24Stop rushing me.
28:25I'm not rushing you.
28:26I'm asking you to pick your stuff up.
28:30Hurry up.
28:31I'm trying.
28:33You don't see me.
28:34Pick your stuff up.
28:35Okay.
28:36Yay.
28:37Stop talking to me like that.
28:40Look at me.
28:41Look at me.
28:42Stop talking to me like that.
28:44I'm your daddy.
28:45You're not going to talk to me like that.
28:46Do you understand?
28:47Listen, buddy.
28:48You're working hard on restriction.
28:49Do you understand?
28:52I thought it was an episode of boot camp going on there.
28:54Where did I go wrong there?
28:56You walked in and your tone started off okay and you let him know what you needed to be done.
29:03And what you could have then said is, I'll be back in 20 minutes to see that you've done that.
29:07Or give me a call and you let me know when that's done and walk out.
29:11But when you didn't do that, he met you with the same of what you were delivering.
29:15And you just go around in this circle.
29:17That's quite nasty.
29:19Everything that you say is true.
29:21It's not just the boys changing.
29:23There's things that we've got to change.
29:25I'll take a moment to look at discipline and see how we got on here.
29:28You have yet to get your grammar out and do your grammar work as you were told to do.
29:35Go get your grammar book now.
29:38Sit down and do your grammar now.
29:41I am tired of asking.
29:43Now.
29:44Go to your room.
29:45Now.
29:45Go to your room.
29:47Go to your room.
29:49Go to your room.
29:50You see what he's doing?
29:51He cannot move.
29:54You have invaded his space.
29:56And to be honest with you, you're all but far from basically giving a slap across the back side.
30:01Yeah.
30:02Yeah?
30:02That's, you can see.
30:03I mean, I've been here before with parents.
30:06You've lost control there.
30:07You've lost control.
30:10I've gave you enough of warnings.
30:12So go to your room.
30:13For eight minutes.
30:14Go.
30:15Why?
30:16Because I don't like your attitude.
30:18I don't like the way you're acting toward me.
30:21And you're not doing as I told you.
30:23Do not slam that door.
30:24I did not slam it.
30:26Okay?
30:27You can stay in your room for an hour.
30:33You get your grammar book and you go back to your room for another, I'm going to tell you, 30 minutes this time.
30:45Open this door.
30:47Better than that, you stay in your room until it's time to go to football.
30:52Do you understand me?
30:53I can.
30:53You will not come out of this room until it's time to go to football.
30:56When you gave him a warning, you didn't allow him to be able to put things right.
31:09This boy didn't have a chance.
31:11Good chance.
31:12How do I decide?
31:13Eight minutes, 30 minutes, an hour in your room?
31:16You were told eight minutes full stop if it's to be in his room.
31:19When you step up as a parent and you implement discipline and you follow through very calmly, then you show them that you can be firm but fair.
31:28So, we need to go over discipline again with you, okay?
31:31We do need to look at homework.
31:34We need to work on your tone.
31:36We need to work on your frustration with discipline and we need to get that underneath your belt.
31:41You need to be more clear on the discipline.
31:44Otherwise, it's going to become worse and more destructive.
31:47So, we have got some more work to do.
31:48We're not out of the woods yet, as we always say.
31:50So, should we get cracking?
31:52Let's get cracking.
31:59Having watched mum not following through with discipline, it was important for me to go and give her a nice reminder of what she needed to do.
32:08Discipline steps, warning, only one follow through.
32:12And the last one here is make-up.
32:14That's it.
32:15I'm going to place them up here.
32:17Okay.
32:18So, you start to memorize them.
32:20However, if you're in the heat at the moment and you have this memory loss, I'm going to ask you to wear this.
32:28Oh, with a scroll on it.
32:32Oh, now that's good.
32:35Mummy doesn't have any excuses.
32:37I put the discipline scroll up on the wall.
32:41Mum had looked at her tiny scroll a few times.
32:43And I just wanted to see whether she was taking anything in.
32:47Um, can you give me off the top of your head the three main points of discipline?
32:55Warning.
32:56Follow through.
32:57Make-up.
32:58Mum had the three steps down, but it's one thing to say them.
33:02You've got to do it.
33:03I could see on the DVD that Mum just wasn't leaving Rivers alone when it came to him doing his homework.
33:12So, I gave her one last exercise so that Rivers could get the space that he needed.
33:16This is what would normally happen.
33:20Are you all right there, Rivers?
33:21Are you able to do that?
33:23Yeah, you all right there?
33:24Right.
33:24And what's that you're doing?
33:26Did I just break your concentration?
33:28Sorry?
33:31All right.
33:32So, this is what would normally happen.
33:35I think Mum and Dad have learnt from my example, but it remains to be seen whether they can resist temptation.
33:42The more you leave him to be independent in doing it, the more he'll learn how to cope.
33:47So, we want you from here.
33:48Okay.
33:49All right?
33:49Staying out the room is a good idea because it gives Rivers more independence.
33:53And it keeps me off of his back.
33:56We've got to let him go sometime and spread his wings.
33:59Sounds good.
34:00It's going to create more space.
34:02This was a completely different mum to what I'd seen on the DVD.
34:14She was calm and she was leaving him be.
34:19Okay, fabulous.
34:20So, I'm happy with this.
34:22Okay.
34:22If you find that he's coming into you a lot because now you don't go into him,
34:27I just want you to be able to say you need to go back into your room and get on with what you're doing.
34:31Okay.
34:32And sure enough, Rivers came out just as I predicted.
34:40How about your spelling?
34:42I don't have to get into it.
34:43Where is that?
34:44Okay.
34:44You don't worry about this right now, okay?
34:47It's like the mountains.
34:48Okay, you don't worry about this right now.
34:49Are you going to be playing on for this?
34:51Good.
34:54How you handled that was good.
34:56Well, thank you very much.
34:58You were just calm.
34:59It's a lot more productive and you're less stressed.
35:03I think mum's come a long way.
35:05She's not barking in his face and she's not doing Rivers' homework for him.
35:09And that's got to be better for the whole family, let's face it.
35:12Before I left, there was one other thing I wanted to do with dad.
35:22You see dad all the time connect with his boys when he's really physical, when he roughhouses with them.
35:27Get them, honey, get them.
35:28But I wanted him to connect with his boys in a more emotional way.
35:32So I asked him to get out some old photos and talk to the boys about the day they were born.
35:39Guess what I got?
35:40Guess what I got?
35:41Our baby pictures.
35:42Let's look at Rivers first.
35:44This is a picture of you inside of mommy's belly.
35:50We found out that it was a little boy.
35:52And I was so excited.
35:53You always wanted a little boy.
35:54Always wanted a little boy.
35:56You can't describe it, how wonderful it is sitting out on a blanket and taking some pictures of hunting Rivers
36:02and talking about things that we don't talk about every day.
36:07And that's Rivers.
36:08They're like a little peanut head sticking up right there.
36:11To have the boys out there, those are the kind of moments that you will remember.
36:15Look at that guy, Rivers.
36:17I'm how happy you are.
36:19And guess who changed your first diaper?
36:21You did.
36:22I did.
36:24Then mama was pregnant with Hunter.
36:27There he is.
36:28That's a little cannonball.
36:31Sitting down and actually listening to Greg talk about when the boys were born was a nice moment.
36:37You could see that dad was connecting with the boys on an emotional level.
36:40Look.
36:41Look at your mommy.
36:42She looks like she's about to puke.
36:44But unfortunately, it was ruined when Hunter became very disrespectful.
36:49Your mama did a lot for you.
36:51She sacrificed for you.
36:52Can you imagine having to be in your mommy's belly for nine months?
36:55I can imagine puking all over.
36:57Hunter.
36:58Stop.
36:59Hey.
37:00Look at me.
37:01That's your warning.
37:02Okay.
37:03That's your warning.
37:04I know.
37:05How was mommy feeling?
37:06Mommy actually had some complications, so she had to stay in the hospital a few days.
37:11But she was very excited.
37:13She was puking and vomiting.
37:14Hunter.
37:15I know what you're saying.
37:16Look at me.
37:17We're talking out here.
37:18But inevitably, Hunter continued being smart with his mouth, and he ended up having to
37:23do a time out.
37:25Hunter's going to time out.
37:30It's embarrassing.
37:31It's embarrassing for me as a father to have to sit there and listen to my son say those
37:35things.
37:36You're doing something about it, and that's what's important.
37:39And when Hunter played up, it gave dad an opportunity there and then to deal with the discipline
37:43technique.
37:44Okay, so it's been about eight minutes now.
37:47I saw from the DVD that the last time dad was in Hunter's room, it became a shouting
37:53match.
37:54This time, dad needed to follow through with discipline and keep his cool.
37:58I'm asking you to tell me what you did and apologize for it.
38:04I'm sorry.
38:05I'm sorry for disrespecting my partner now.
38:08Okay.
38:09Now, come here and give me a hug.
38:12Boy.
38:13I was proud of Greg.
38:16He was firm but fair.
38:18He kept very calm, and I do feel that I'm able to leave Greg knowing how to discipline
38:23properly.
38:28Bye, boys.
38:29Mwah.
38:30Be good?
38:31I would have really missed Jo when she goes away, but I know we can't have her there forever,
38:37so once she's gone, she's gone.
38:40Different man.
38:41I've seen the emotional man now, haven't I?
38:44Look at that I am.
38:45I'm seeing you.
38:46I'm looking at your face.
38:47No, you're not.
38:48Jo comes in and she's laid out the foundation and the groundwork, so it's up to us now as
38:53a family to make it happen.
38:55You have to maintain it for it to work.
38:58Keep up your work.
38:59Take care.
39:00Thank you, Jo.
39:01Honey.
39:02Congratulations,
39:03Withersy.
39:04L industry.
39:05Ho.
39:09lucky.
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