- 2 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00You're listening to BBC Radio 4.
00:03Coming up on Radio 4 at 2.30,
00:05My Oxbridge, a half hour of in-jokes
00:07and unashamedly impenetrable exclusive anecdotes
00:10from the varsity of Sir Bernard Bingham and Stephen Fry.
00:13And this is followed by Woman's Hour,
00:14where Jenny Murray talks to author and mother
00:16about the Islamic references in Jane Austen's novel,
00:20Pride and Prejudice.
00:29Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?
00:32Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Is anyone there?
00:34Hello? I'm under attack! I'm under attack!
00:36Call the police! Call the police!
00:37Hello? Hello? Testing, testing, testing, testing.
00:41I'm walking down the road.
00:43Just looking at my face.
00:45Mum!
00:48Could you hear me, Johnny?
00:49Yes, what is that?
00:50I was talking to you for my panic room.
00:51Panic room?
00:53Yeah.
00:54A panic room, darling.
00:56A new panic room.
00:57You know my old nuclear shelter?
00:59I'm refurbishing it now, darling.
01:01It's a panic room.
01:02So if we panic, you know,
01:03it's a little safe room, darling,
01:04in case, you know,
01:05we're attacked by murderous thugs
01:07or terrorists, darling.
01:08Everybody's got one!
01:09How ridiculous!
01:10Ridiculous.
01:11Because I'll tell you, darling,
01:12look, sweetheart,
01:14this little baby on the...
01:16this little baby on the way, darling,
01:17is it still in there?
01:18Yes.
01:18It's made me realise, sweetheart,
01:20just how unsafe the world is.
01:22There's some mean mothers out there, baby.
01:24There's one in here.
01:25Gosh.
01:27Anyway, sweetheart,
01:28I want you to be more aware
01:29of keeping things sealed,
01:30windows sealed,
01:31doors locked,
01:33all right, sweetheart?
01:33But, I mean,
01:35you'll be glad of that anthrax filter
01:36when the inevitable dirty bomb
01:37gets dropped on Holland Park,
01:38I tell you.
01:39Now, will you help me
01:39carry some stuff down, darling?
01:41Darling, help me.
01:43Help, help.
01:44Carry, carry.
01:45More, please.
01:47What?
01:47What more?
01:50This sort of stuff,
01:50I can't get in the panic room
01:51at the moment,
01:51so be careful.
01:52Mind my Eames chair
01:53it's coming in eventually.
01:55Don't touch the door, darling.
01:56Mind your fingers,
01:56mind your fingers,
01:57don't touch that door, sweetheart.
01:58I haven't worked out
01:59the keypad and the codes
02:00and everything, sweetheart.
02:02Ah.
02:03Dun-dun,
02:03safe room,
02:04ba-ba-ba-ba-ba,
02:05chick-a-chick-a-chick-a.
02:06Ba-boom, darling,
02:07look, little,
02:08chick-dong,
02:08pizza ready, darling.
02:10Look, darling, sweetheart.
02:11Ba-ba-ba-ba,
02:12small branches,
02:13Ainsbury's, darling.
02:13Look, all the conveniences,
02:14sweetheart,
02:15little toilet.
02:15Oh, shh!
02:16I wondered where
02:17everything was going.
02:18Is that my trivial pursuit?
02:20Yes, darling,
02:21what is that, sweetheart?
02:22It's an odd game.
02:23Oh, well,
02:23it's for here
02:24if we panic, darling,
02:25so you can play it here.
02:26Yes, well,
02:26I want to play it
02:27in the house.
02:28Yeah, but darling,
02:28then if you panic,
02:29you're not going to have
02:29time to get it.
02:30Do you think some murderer
02:31is going to honestly say,
02:32oh, Jim,
02:33let her get a trivial pursuit
02:34before we chop off our arm
02:35and pull off our Rolex,
02:36do you, darling?
02:37Whoosh, pooh!
02:38Boing, boing, boing, boing, boing, boing!
02:41Mum, you are just playing
02:42into the whole panic culture.
02:44I hate it.
02:44The world is actually safer
02:46than it's ever been.
02:47In fact,
02:47you're more likely
02:47to be hit by a bus.
02:48Oh, yeah, darling,
02:49that'd be ironic, wouldn't it?
02:50Closest I've ever been
02:51to public transport
02:52and it runs over.
02:54Even then,
02:55there's no guarantee
02:55the bus won't come off worse.
02:58I'm going to get
02:58some more stuff in here.
02:59Come on, follow me,
03:00follow me.
03:01Mind my Eames chair
03:02and don't touch this door.
03:03Come on, clog feet.
03:07Anyway, darling,
03:08it's not me that's changed, darling.
03:09It's the criminal
03:10that has changed.
03:11I mean, nowadays, darling,
03:12these are big-time players.
03:13These are celebrity killers.
03:14These are terrorists, sweetheart.
03:17Do you think you'd get
03:17a two-book and a movie deal
03:18for snatching a handbag?
03:19Oh, no, darling.
03:21Oh, no, sweetheart.
03:22These people don't plan a job, darling.
03:23They write the script.
03:25They have it serialized
03:26in the Daily Mail, darling.
03:27These are the people
03:28that make Jack the Ripper
03:29look like a manicurist.
03:30Believe me, sweetheart.
03:31Total overreaction.
03:34I know your sort, darling.
03:35Don't want it till I need it.
03:37Don't want it till I need it.
03:38Well, you're not invited in.
03:39Oh, what a weekend I have had.
03:44Requests, requests, requests.
03:47Elton John's invited me
03:48to his place in the south of France.
03:50I said, no thank you.
03:52His villa is like
03:53a halfway house to the Priory.
03:55Will I go and keep
03:56Elizabeth Hurley company?
03:58Will I bug her?
04:00Has she got no friends of her own?
04:04Who is this now?
04:05Who has she become?
04:07Oh, and I've had
04:07Anoushka Hempel calling me.
04:09Will I go down to her yacht
04:10in Saint-Tropez?
04:11Will I, bugger?
04:13Or Saint-Tropez?
04:14I know.
04:15Out common.
04:18How did you get in?
04:20Window.
04:21Poor you, sweetheart.
04:22You have to shut the windows.
04:24Keep everything sealed.
04:25You could have let in
04:25contamination, darling.
04:27Nothing can be as bad
04:28as what's in here already.
04:29Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
04:30Oh, no.
04:31Eddie.
04:32Eddie, Eddie.
04:33Eddie.
04:33I take that back.
04:34It just got worse.
04:35Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
04:39She got it.
04:40Lock the door, sweetheart.
04:43Eddie, Eddie.
04:44Yes, yes, yes.
04:44Watch, watch, watch, watch, watch, watch.
04:47I was at work today.
04:51Now we're all in shock.
04:53Eddie, the girls were off.
04:55So I was on the floor.
04:56Nothing new for you?
04:57Oh, cause, cause, cause, cause, cause.
04:59I was working.
05:00I was selling.
05:02Oh, no.
05:02It was so hard.
05:03They aren't used.
05:04Selling?
05:04Yeah.
05:05It's not the floor.
05:06I wasn't happy.
05:11Excuse me, how much is this?
05:13What?
05:14How much is this bag?
05:16I heard you.
05:18Why, are you worried you can't afford it?
05:19I don't know.
05:20Then you can't.
05:21Get out.
05:22What?
05:22Get out.
05:23Put the bag down.
05:23I wasn't going to steal.
05:25Get out before I call the police.
05:31Can you help me?
05:35What?
05:36The oxygen bar.
05:38Yes.
05:38Is it just oxygen?
05:40No.
05:41Read it.
05:42We have a range of gases.
05:44Pamper is sodium pentothal.
05:46Happy time is nitrous oxide.
05:47Sleepy time is carbon monoxide.
05:50No, thank you.
05:56You can't come in.
05:57You're too fat.
05:58Get out.
06:04Boy, let me help you.
06:05You're probably looking for the way out.
06:07Or didn't you bother to read the notice?
06:08It says no T-shirts, no flip-flops.
06:10In fact, no you.
06:13Any driver.
06:16Lyleen?
06:16Yeah, I'm not shopping.
06:17I'm looking.
06:18That's why I'm calling you.
06:20Yeah, there's a seed pod bag.
06:21And Versace that I want.
06:22And these feathered cuffs in Dior.
06:24No, I tried.
06:25I tried.
06:25They kept asking me to pay.
06:28I want the Todd bag.
06:29Okay, did you tell them?
06:30No, I don't want a discount.
06:31I want it for free.
06:32Right?
06:32Free.
06:33Okay, well you tell them.
06:35Yeah.
06:35No, I don't know where I am right now.
06:37Where am I right now?
06:38What?
06:39My publicist.
06:40Where am I right now?
06:41It's Jeremy's.
06:42Okay, I don't know.
06:43I'll find out.
06:44Patsy Stern?
06:45Mini driver.
06:46Patsy Stern?
06:46Mini.
06:47Patsy Stern?
06:47Mini.
06:48Patsy Stern?
06:48Min.
06:48Are you Patsy Stern?
06:50Yes, I'm Patsy Stern.
06:51Yeah, my publicist told me that you're a stylist.
06:54Yes, yes.
06:54Well, I'm a buyer and style consultant to Jeremy.
06:57What is it?
06:58It's a man.
06:59What is this place?
07:00This is Jeremy's.
07:01What is it?
07:02It's a concept, a philosophy, a destination.
07:06Oh, it's a shop.
07:07Yes, it's a shop.
07:08Not much in it, is there?
07:10No, only what our customer wants, Mini.
07:12In fact, what most of our customers wants is a bag from Jeremy's.
07:14Mini, Mini, would you like a Jeremy's bag, darling?
07:17What is that smell?
07:19Oh, that's Jeremy.
07:20Our new perfume and room aromariser.
07:23It's exclusive to Jeremy.
07:24Perfectly suited to his customer.
07:26Smells like formaldehyde.
07:29Oh, no, that is his customer.
07:31That's Uma Rottweiler.
07:33She's not long for this world.
07:35I've actually already passed away.
07:36But you can't stop shopping.
07:38It's only the embalming fluid that keeps her on her feet.
07:40Now, darling, is there anything I can do for you?
07:41No, I don't think so.
07:42There's nothing here for me.
07:43The whole of Bond Street is a complete letdown.
07:45I've been into most of the designers.
07:47And they keep asking me to sign autographs and borrow things for premieres.
07:51Pay.
07:53Oh, no, Mini.
07:54Oh, no.
07:55Well, darling, I think I can help you here.
07:57Good, good.
07:58Right.
08:00Hi, is that Heat magazine?
08:02Yeah.
08:02Got some pictures of Mini Driver shopping.
08:05Yeah, she does look bloody rough.
08:08Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini, Mini.
08:13What happened?
08:13Shall I slap her?
08:14No, no, let's slap her, Mini.
08:15Can I?
08:16Can I?
08:17Can I?
08:17Mini, Mini, Mini, what happened, darling?
08:19Tell us what happened.
08:19Yes.
08:20She's coming here tomorrow for a styling session.
08:24What, here?
08:24Yes, I thought we could get some stuff in and see what she likes.
08:29Oh, Eddie.
08:30This is my first celebrity client.
08:32Can I get some stuff in?
08:34Oh, if she likes some stuff, we'll come to a little arrangement.
08:36Oh, I like Mini Driver.
08:37I like Mini Driver.
08:39Mini?
08:40Yeah, Mini, Mini Driver's coming here, yeah.
08:42Mini Driver?
08:43Yes, Mini Driver.
08:45Is it a dwarf?
08:48What?
08:49Is it a dwarf?
08:50What are you saying?
08:51Why are you saying that?
08:52Is it a dwarf?
08:52Stop saying that!
08:53That's just weird!
08:55Ask her if it's a dwarf.
08:57Is it a dwarf?
08:58It's Mini Driver!
09:00It's Mini Driver!
09:01It's a huge Hollywood star!
09:03Mini Driver!
09:04What's she been in?
09:08What's she been in?
09:09Little Mini Driver?
09:12Little Mini Driver.
09:13She's been a good headhunting.
09:15Good headhunting!
09:18And what else, Eddie?
09:19What else?
09:20Come on, come on.
09:20I love Mini Driver.
09:21She was in Circle of Friends.
09:25I think I know who you mean.
09:27Stop it now.
09:28I don't like this attitude.
09:29I don't like this one.
09:30Is she one of those English actresses?
09:32I said stop it!
09:34That's gone to Hollywood.
09:35Oh, shut her up, Eddie.
09:36Oh, I know the type.
09:38The type that's always asking for free clothes.
09:42No!
09:43Nothing is free, you know that.
09:45You always pay for it.
09:46You have shop openings, parties,
09:47names to remember,
09:48people you have to talk to,
09:49favours are always called in.
09:51No, no, no, but Eddie, Eddie,
09:52then there are little people like, you know,
09:53Dolce & Gabbana,
09:53little lovely sweet Stefano and Domenico.
09:55You know, darling,
09:56they treat stars as billboards.
09:58They're advertising their walking column inches.
10:01Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, darling.
10:02Darling,
10:03a business without advertising
10:05is like winking at a girl in the dark.
10:07You know you're doing it,
10:08but nobody else does.
10:11Winking at a girl in the dark?
10:14Not me!
10:16Yeah, not Stefano and Domenico,
10:18if I'm any judge of character, darling.
10:20It's a quote!
10:22Oh, darling,
10:23but this is going to be so big for you,
10:24God, sweetheart.
10:25Yeah.
10:25I'd better go out and pull some really fantastic clothes for her.
10:27Today, Bond Street,
10:28and tomorrow,
10:30the Oscars.
10:31Cheers.
10:31Oh, Hollywood beckons, sweetheart.
10:34Oh, yeah.
10:34Donnie, donnie,
10:34do you think it's time for a little,
10:35you know,
10:36little,
10:36what,
10:37a little collagen?
10:37Plumping, yeah?
10:39Take more than collagen
10:40to fill your face.
10:42It's just a little plumping.
10:43How many whales
10:44will have to die
10:44to fill those crevices?
10:46It's just a little filling.
10:48They may not be able
10:48to cope with the demand.
10:50Shush, please,
10:50I just have a little fill up.
10:51The mountaineers have died
10:52falling into shallower ravines
10:54than your wrinkles.
10:55Oh, shit!
10:58Oh, darling,
10:58I want that, don't she?
10:59Donnie, don't she?
11:01She's not going to want
11:02all this stuff.
11:03I want it.
11:04Oh, darling,
11:05I look good in that.
11:06Suit up,
11:08can I be here
11:08when she comes?
11:11Is she going to be here
11:12when Minnie comes, darling?
11:13It's all right.
11:14Well, look, Eddie,
11:14you see, the thing is,
11:15is that I've told her
11:16this is my style.
11:17It's my house.
11:18I know, darling,
11:19but I said, you know,
11:20it would be very discreet,
11:21you know,
11:21I really like Minnie.
11:22But, darling, Minnie,
11:23little Minnie,
11:23she doesn't want the world
11:24and his wife
11:25to see her in this.
11:26Donnie, I'll just be,
11:27you know,
11:27just be casually found.
11:28Well, maybe just be casual.
11:31That's her,
11:31that's her, darling.
11:32But, well,
11:32move this round to the side.
11:33Go on,
11:33off you go,
11:34move this round to the side.
11:35Keep that to the head on it.
11:37Yeah, hold on.
11:39I'm here to see Patsy Stein.
11:42Are you Minnie Driver?
11:44Yes.
11:45Oh, then come in.
11:48Wipe your feet.
11:51Ta-da!
11:53Oh, hi, me.
11:53Come in, come in, darling.
11:54Who are all these people?
11:56Oh, um, well, this is...
11:57No, no, no,
11:57don't tell me names,
11:58I don't do names.
12:00Lyleen,
12:00yeah,
12:01I'm really pissed at Dior.
12:02Yeah, you tell them
12:03to make it fit
12:04and make it free, right?
12:06Right.
12:07So, um,
12:08that's all of us.
12:09Now, Minnie,
12:09would you like something
12:09to eat or drink, darling?
12:11What's happened to you?
12:12Oh, just a little plumping.
12:15Listen,
12:15first rule,
12:16mouth should be
12:17smaller than face.
12:20Now,
12:20what have you got for me?
12:21Oh, right,
12:21well, look,
12:22I pulled things
12:23from all kinds of designers.
12:24I've got some embroidery,
12:25I've got a modern take
12:26on the classics,
12:26and, um,
12:27now, what size are you
12:28so we can change
12:29all the labels?
12:29I'm a two.
12:30A two?
12:31A two.
12:32What is a two?
12:33A two is a four.
12:34What is a four?
12:35A four is a six.
12:36What's a six?
12:37All right,
12:38I'm a ten.
12:39Ten.
12:39Just a ten.
12:41Come on.
12:42I'm a ten.
12:44Yes, yes,
12:45no, no,
12:45hate it,
12:46maybe,
12:46like,
12:46don't know,
12:47maybe,
12:47no,
12:48no,
12:48that's cute,
12:49that's...
12:49Why are you still here?
12:51I don't want everybody
12:52watching me in my scanties.
12:53Of course not,
12:53no,
12:54of course not.
12:54Just go,
12:55get me,
12:55please,
12:56can you just go?
12:56Please.
12:56Just go,
12:57please,
12:57go,
12:57because I'm a mini fire.
12:58Just go,
12:59go,
13:04oh,
13:04mini,
13:05yes,
13:05that's it,
13:05darling.
13:06Yes,
13:06I will,
13:07darling,
13:07I'll hold anything.
13:22Maybe.
13:23Yeah.
13:24How much of this stuff
13:24can I actually have?
13:26Well,
13:27have?
13:27Hmm.
13:28Ah,
13:28well,
13:29I'm sure we can come
13:29to some sort of arrangement.
13:31I'd rather like that
13:32necklace
13:32your fat little hippo
13:34chubster friend was wearing.
13:37Oh,
13:38little fatty,
13:39fat hat.
13:40Oh,
13:41Eddie,
13:41you like a necklace?
13:42Oh,
13:42yes,
13:42no problem.
13:43I'll get it.
13:44That's no problem,
13:44do you want me?
13:45That's no problem,
13:46sweetheart.
13:47No problem,
13:47Minnie,
13:47so just make yourself
13:48to him,
13:48darling.
13:49Just have a
13:49necklace.
13:50I'll just
13:50to you,
13:51darling.
13:54Eddie,
13:55darling,
13:55can you give me
13:55that necklace?
13:56That necklace,
13:56darling?
13:57Well,
13:57this necklace,
13:57I want this necklace.
13:59it's my necklace.
13:59Darling,
13:59I want the necklace.
14:01Many wants it.
14:02many wants it.
14:03sweetheart,
14:03no,
14:03your necklace.
14:07Can you open it,
14:08Eddie,
14:08open it,
14:09open it.
14:09Oh,
14:10oh,
14:10oh,
14:11what have you done?
14:12I can't open it.
14:12Hang on.
14:13Don't touch anything,
14:14darling,
14:14I'll get the instruction book.
14:15Hang on,
14:15darling.
14:15There's a code,
14:16there's a code,
14:17there's a code.
14:17Don't touch the buttons,
14:19don't touch the buttons,
14:20sweetheart.
14:20There's a code,
14:21there's a,
14:21there's a,
14:22blah,
14:22blah,
14:22blah,
14:22blah,
14:23sweetheart,
14:23don't,
14:23will you stop
14:24touching the buttons?
14:27I guess every time
14:29you put in the wrong number,
14:30we have to wait another hour.
14:32How many times
14:33did you touch those buttons,
14:34Pats?
14:34How many times?
14:35How many times?
14:35How many times?
14:35How many times?
14:36Get out of here.
14:36Look at the numbers on the thing.
14:37I've got many.
14:38Many.
14:39Many.
14:40Many.
14:40many.
14:41Many.
14:43So how is it in
14:45Hollywood?
14:49Catherine Zeta-Jones
14:51rather stole your thunder,
14:53didn't she?
14:54What?
14:55Hello.
14:55Hello, Minnie.
14:56It's Patsy.
14:57Who?
14:59It's Patsy Stone.
15:00The lip.
15:01Darling,
15:02I can't come back today.
15:03I'm,
15:03I'm stuck.
15:04I'm,
15:04I'm called away.
15:06I'm sorry,
15:06darling.
15:07Where is she?
15:08In the walls.
15:10Bloody,
15:11read of her.
15:12That's magic.
15:16How long have we been
15:17in here, Eddie?
15:17Oh, I don't know, darling.
15:19I think,
15:20I think that's if you've got
15:21like three days
15:22or something left.
15:24But the way you went
15:25at that keyboard
15:26like a hyperactive typist,
15:27it could be months.
15:28But you should have
15:28just given me
15:29the necklace.
15:29Oh.
15:31Oh, look.
15:31We're just here now, darling.
15:33Might as well just get on with it.
15:34I suppose that's
15:35goodbye to Hollywood for me.
15:40Yes, we don't.
15:41Yes, we don't.
15:42Watch it.
15:43I don't want it on my pod.
15:47Oh.
15:48Oh.
15:53She's right about
15:54your lip, darling.
15:56What do you mean?
15:58I just think
15:59you need to see
15:59to balance it or something.
16:01On one?
16:02Yeah.
16:02Oh, I do,
16:03but I haven't got
16:03very much left.
16:05Pull it,
16:05pull it a little bit.
16:06On one.
16:13No, no, no, no, no, no.
16:17Oh, there's so many.
16:18She shouldn't have started.
16:19I mean,
16:20once you get the top beak,
16:21you've got to balance it
16:22with the bottom beak,
16:23and then you've got to
16:23balance the whole beak
16:24with the cheeks,
16:25you see, darling.
16:25Before you know it,
16:26you're just a visitor
16:26in your own face.
16:32How much longer, Eddie?
16:34Oh, sweetheart.
16:36Will you just stop asking?
16:37It's not going to go any faster
16:38if you keep asking.
16:40Do you want to play a game?
16:41No.
16:42Where's my magazine?
16:44Where's my magazine, darling?
16:45Come sit here.
16:46Come sit here.
16:46Come sit here, sweetheart.
16:47Look, look, look.
16:48All right, it's a random page.
16:50I'm choosing a random page.
16:51Random, random, random,
16:52random, random, random,
16:53that page, sweetheart.
16:54All right.
16:55Darling, you've got to sleep
16:55with someone on this page.
16:56You have to.
16:57All right.
16:57You have to sleep
16:58with one person.
16:59Who's it going to be?
17:01Oh, I slept with them all.
17:05All of them, darling?
17:06Yeah.
17:07What, Brad Pitt?
17:08Oh, yeah.
17:08That's really kind of what.
17:09Him?
17:10Yeah.
17:10Well, Hugh Grant?
17:11Yeah, well, who hasn't?
17:14Well, Prince Philip, darling?
17:16My lips are sealed.
17:17Well, just nod.
17:19Oh.
17:21Oh, Carol Smiley?
17:22Oh, come on.
17:25How much longer, Eddie?
17:26Oh, I don't know, darling.
17:27Will you stop asking?
17:28Why?
17:29Eddie, I need the toilet.
17:31Well, I'm not even sure
17:31it's plumbed in, darling.
17:33Have another drink.
17:33Come on.
17:34Come on, then.
17:34Have another drink.
17:36Oh.
17:37It's quite nice, this, actually,
17:38isn't it?
17:38Yeah.
17:39Hang away.
17:39No one can get at you.
17:40Yeah.
17:41Time to think a little bit.
17:42What are you thinking?
17:43Oh, just about the world,
17:45you know, darling.
17:46You know, cosmopolitan society
17:48that we live in, sweetheart.
17:50It's funny,
17:50because you see loads of people,
17:51don't you, now?
17:52You see, like,
17:53Africans on the streets,
17:55you see Arabs,
17:57Chinese,
17:58Eskimos.
17:59Don't you, darling?
18:01Everyone is just sort of
18:02assimilated into our society,
18:04but I was just thinking,
18:05you know what you never see, darling?
18:06You know what?
18:07Pygmies.
18:09Yeah, you don't ever see them.
18:11You don't ever see a pygmy.
18:12You don't ever go
18:12all down the street
18:13and see a little pygmy
18:14on the buses
18:14or anything like that,
18:15do you, darling?
18:16Oh, my daughter's going out
18:17with this lovely chap,
18:18by the way,
18:18he's the pygmy,
18:19you know.
18:20Yeah, it doesn't happen.
18:21Little pygmy restaurants,
18:23pygmy cuisine,
18:24pygmy TV,
18:25you just don't have it,
18:25do you?
18:26You all right there, Ed?
18:28Yeah.
18:31Hey, look,
18:32on the TV,
18:32what, yeah?
18:33Where is that?
18:34Huh?
18:35Where's that?
18:36Where's that, darling?
18:40Oh, I like that table.
18:43Where is that, sweetheart?
18:46Is that little Saffy?
18:48What's Saffy doing on TV?
18:52Darling, that's my kitchen.
18:54Look, look,
18:55is that the sink, is it?
18:55That's just in my kitchen, darling.
18:57Look, sweetheart,
18:59I've got security cameras, darling.
19:01Look at that,
19:02look at that.
19:03Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
19:06whoa, whoa,
19:06darling, darling.
19:08Does she know?
19:09Well, even I didn't know, darling.
19:10How's she going to know?
19:11Oh, Eddie, let's watch her.
19:12Oh, yeah, yeah.
19:13Let's watch her.
19:14See what she does.
19:15Oh, she's picking up her hand.
19:17Oh, she's drinking something.
19:18Putting it down again.
19:20Yeah, putting it down.
19:21Pretty little bit down.
19:22Little bit down.
19:23This is quite good.
19:24I think we should tell her.
19:26Darling, no, no, no,
19:27we might get something on her.
19:29Well, she's not going to do anything.
19:30It's not like Saffy's going to
19:31suddenly sort of lob out
19:32an old tito, is she, darling?
19:33Huh?
19:34No, probably not.
19:35Oh, look, she's moving.
19:36She's moving.
19:36She's going to do something.
19:37She's going over.
19:39She's coming.
19:40She's coming back here.
19:41Oh, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
19:42Oh, darling,
19:43let's get in some more drinks, darling.
19:45This could become addictive.
19:46Oh, oh.
19:53Oh, Eddie, get her to do something.
20:03Hello.
20:07This is Big Mother speaking.
20:14Darling, me and Patsy
20:16are locked in the panic room.
20:17We may be here for some months.
20:19We have no idea, darling.
20:21You are our only amusement.
20:25Please stay active, Saffron.
20:29Don't ignore me, darling.
20:31Come on.
20:32Your first task, Saffron,
20:33is to put the television on, darling,
20:35so we may watch it.
20:36Stop it.
20:38Well, darling,
20:39please just do something, hmm?
20:41Put the television on
20:42or just do something amusing.
20:44We can see you.
20:46How?
20:47I don't believe you.
20:49Well, there's just cameras
20:50everywhere, sweetheart.
20:51We can see you.
20:53Saffron, please come
20:54to the cupboard under the sink.
21:01Come on, sweetheart.
21:09Just move the salad spinner
21:10so we can see your face, darling.
21:16What are you doing?
21:18We are stuck.
21:21Well, it serves you right.
21:24Sweetheart.
21:25Sweetheart!
21:28Now, here's the question.
21:29Yes.
21:31Which is the most visited a mountain
21:32in America's Black Hills range?
21:35Oh, I know this one is.
21:37It's the most...
21:38Visited mountain?
21:39Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:41In America's Black Hills range?
21:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:43Is it...
21:43Did you say which or what?
21:45Which?
21:46Is the most...
21:48Oh, look, you don't know.
21:49No, no, I know this.
21:49I know this.
21:50Well, what's the answer?
21:51It's Mount Rushmore.
21:53No, I don't think it's...
21:54No, I don't think it's...
21:55Oh, no, no, no, no, that is right.
21:56No, that is right.
21:59Darling, I want...
22:00Give me entertainment, sweetheart.
22:01No, it's not your turn.
22:02Oh, it's ridiculous.
22:03I think you've got
22:04the wrong questions for us, darling.
22:05We don't want to play anymore.
22:06We don't want to play that game anymore.
22:09Have you got a joint, honey?
22:10Oh, darling, I've got
22:12most of a northern Pakistani feel here.
22:14Do you want to...
22:19What's that?
22:20Oh.
22:24Oh, darling.
22:26Oh, look, darling.
22:27She's got a little housemate.
22:29A little will-they-won't-they situation.
22:31Oh, yeah, darling.
22:33I don't think they will.
22:34No, I don't think they will.
22:35Unless that's old
22:36Titicaca two ways.
22:40Hello?
22:42Where are you, Mum-to-be?
22:44I'm here.
22:44But don't say anything.
22:45Why, what's the matter?
22:47Just be quiet.
22:47I have to tell you something.
22:50Oh, no.
22:51I hope it's not
22:52I'm going to be a mother
22:54and you're my threatening
22:55single girlfriend.
22:56Don't be so stupid.
22:57Just come and sit down.
23:03Now, listen.
23:05My mother is watching us
23:07and can hear everything we're saying.
23:10What?
23:12There are secret cameras everywhere.
23:25Oh, this is some kind of fantasy thing.
23:28What do you want me to say?
23:29No, it's the truth.
23:30She's watching us.
23:32Okay.
23:34Loosen up.
23:36Why don't we just, like,
23:38open up some of her booze
23:39like normal?
23:40Shall I open a bottle of champagne
23:42and we can either drink it
23:43or just flush it down the toilet?
23:44Just stop it!
23:46Isn't this what you want me to say?
23:48Isn't this part of the fantasy?
23:51Oh, it's so dangerous!
23:55It'll feel fantastic!
23:57I think you should just go.
23:59Oh, remember when we went upstairs
24:00into her bedroom
24:01and we put on all her clothes
24:03and we played Patsy and Eddie
24:04in the bath
24:05and we...
24:09Just get out.
24:10No, stay.
24:11Darling, don't you?
24:12Tizzy car, go to the sink cupboard!
24:14Tizzy car, go to the sink cupboard!
24:16Tizzy car, go to the sink cupboard!
24:21Oh, sweet.
24:24You are not authorised to leave!
24:26Tizzy car, you are not authorised to leave, sweetheart!
24:29Eddie, Eddie, it's open!
24:30No, it's open!
24:31Yes, please, go, darling!
24:32Eddie, I can't stop peeing!
24:33I just can't stop peeing!
24:34I can't stop peeing!
24:35I can't stop...
24:35Oh, no, I've stopped now!
24:36I've stopped now, Eddie!
24:37Oh, Eddie, is this plumbed in?
24:38No, I don't think it is plumbed in, sweetheart.
24:42Darling, darling!
24:44We're free, sweetheart!
24:46Oh, sweetheart!
24:47What century is it?
24:48What year?
24:49What month?
24:49What day?
24:50How long were we in there?
24:51Two hours.
24:53Oh, Minnie!
24:54Minnie!
24:55Minnie!
24:56Minnie, Minnie!
24:57Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie!
24:58Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie, Minnie!
25:00Minnie!
25:01Minnie!
25:03Oh, God!
25:04Just taking all the clothes!
25:07Even the cheesy nipples!
25:09Please, though.
25:11Wholes on fire.
25:15Running down the road.
25:20Just notify my next on-kin.
25:25Guess we shall explode.
25:30How could she, Eddie? I'm going to have to pay for all those clothes.
25:33I know, sweetheart. I hope some chap gets his telescopic right up her crutch, darling, full titten minge.
25:40Yeah. Four chins and half blinking.
25:43I hate mini-driver. I hate her and her typesuit.
25:49Still.
25:53Yeah, I got something out of it, haven't we, darling?
26:05In the bath, sweetheart.
26:09We were ten.
26:13Sporting days are here again, and any eve so inclined was first dressed to the part.
26:19You can't aim straight, not with a gun anyhow, in a party frock, so utility suits and hats are the
26:24mode.
26:38Of course, the shooting's only an excuse for displaying the fashions, so now you know what to wear when the
26:44next shooting gallery comes to town.
26:47I have no idea.
26:49Sweetheart, is your little mate Emma here yet?
26:51No.
26:52Oh, gosh, she's got to come over. I've got to discuss redoing the old Dutchie Originals ad with her, sweetheart.
26:56She said the wrong words last time.
26:57Have you seen this stuff, darling?
26:59What stuff?
27:00All this, the Prince Charles biscuit thing.
27:01Yes, I like it.
27:02Why have we suddenly got all that?
27:04Oh, darling, because I, darling, am now by royal appointment.
27:09You?
27:10Yeah, me, darling.
27:11Prince Charles wants me to promote his new orange flower oat and cheesy what's-it biscuit things, you'd like.
27:16Hmm, tastes like an old piece of carpet.
27:18Oh, stop it.
27:19This upper-class English food is so strange.
27:23Old bits of orange peel covered in black chocolate.
27:25Oh, shut up.
27:26Eggs in formaldehyde.
27:28And some liver spots and lard, and they call it a pork pie.
27:31Oh, all right, thank you.
27:33It's just he wants me to open up new markets for him, darling, you know.
27:36I'm the one that can open that gateway, the gateway to the celebrity market, sweetheart.
27:40That's why your little mate Emma has done this ad, darling.
27:42She is the famous gob on Prince Charles' crackers.
27:45Yes, she is.
27:47Oh, you could help me a little bit here with a little bunton, you know.
27:50She likes you. She doesn't like me. You could make her a bit more malleable.
27:53Anyway, those are the circles I'm moving in now, sweetheart.
27:56Yes, but they're still circles, Mum.
27:58Darling, it's royalty.
28:00They're all family. Can't be doing with them.
28:03Well, you won't have to be doing with them, thank God.
28:05They should release them back into their natural habitat.
28:09Born into captivity, aren't they, for us all to look at.
28:13Big brother, but without Davina.
28:16We should vote them all out and let them run free and spend their millions unwisely.
28:20No, we need them in cages. They are the new celebrity and want to look at them.
28:24I like Prince Charles.
28:26I like Prince Charles.
28:27They're like the lions at the zoo.
28:30All wanting to spray at the faces on the other side of the barns.
28:37Don't.
28:38Stop it.
28:40They do something.
28:43No wonder they all go insane.
28:45Get up there and take up my luggage.
28:47Go on, darling.
28:47Get up there and do my luggage.
28:49Take all this stuff up with you as well.
28:51Get up there.
28:52You are my servant.
28:52I implore you, stern.
28:54Sweetheart.
28:56Get up.
28:56Get up.
28:58Get up.
28:58Go on.
29:00Go on.
29:02Get out.
29:04Where are you going?
29:05Oh, darling, you know where I'm going.
29:06I've told you about this.
29:08It's my country house weekend that I won at the Tatler Gala auction, sweetheart.
29:12Yeah, I paid 30,000 quid for this weekend of hunting, shooting and fishing, darling.
29:16Oh, yeah, that's the last time that titled Tatler crowd looked down their noses at me, sweetheart.
29:20Oh, yeah.
29:21They're all there.
29:22The Bamfords, the Rothschilds, the Countess of Derby, sweetheart.
29:26They all dropped out about five quid, darling.
29:28I went straight to 30 grand.
29:30Oh, yeah, sweetheart.
29:32Yeah, well, that's the kind of crowd I'm mixing with since the Prince Charles biscuit thing, sweetheart.
29:36Oh, yeah.
29:36Weekends at Highgrove Beckham.
29:38Oh, ho, ho.
29:39Hunting, shooting and fishing.
29:41Yeah.
29:42Hunting, shooting, fishing.
29:44Here we go.
29:45Killing things.
29:45Yes, darling.
29:47And I get all sort of pinched face about it, all not in my name about it, sweetheart.
29:52Madonna has opened up this world for us now, sweetheart.
29:54She's made it stylish.
29:56We invented it.
29:57So you're going to kill things because of Madonna?
30:01No, sweetheart, because I want to.
30:03All right.
30:04I don't get you, mum.
30:05One minute it's Buddhism, the next it's butchery.
30:07Yeah, well, they're not incompatible.
30:09All right.
30:09There's like a blast of a double board and keep your chat.
30:11We're so funny.
30:14I can hear the call of the wild, darling.
30:16Yeah, yeah.
30:17Mum, you get a panic attack driving through Hyde Park.
30:20It's country roads, take me home to the police.
30:25I belong.
30:26Where's Virginia?
30:27Well, it's Hertfordshire, actually, darling.
30:29It's Hertfordshire.
30:30Off the motorway, Junction 12, sweetheart.
30:32Yeah, it'd be great, wouldn't it?
30:33Killing things, darling.
30:34Well, only killing to eat, darling.
30:35That is what man is born to do, isn't he, sweetheart?
30:38Hmm?
30:38Hmm?
30:38We're only on top of the food chain because we're eating everything below to stop it eating
30:41us.
30:41Oh, sad rubbish.
30:43I'm having to eat for two because you're a vegetarian, aren't I, sweetheart?
30:47No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
30:49You don't have to justify yourself, Ernie.
30:51It's only in England that we've gone soft.
30:52Yeah, soft.
30:53I mean, in America, darling, you can kill what you want.
30:55You can kill to where?
30:56You can shoot it, eat the contents, and step in.
30:59Oh, yeah.
31:01In France, if a little bird lands on the table, it's a canopy.
31:04You just spit out the beak.
31:06Yeah.
31:06In France, darling, a horse falls over.
31:08It's a burger.
31:09You know, what's your problem?
31:10It's only here we've gone all Bambi-esque about it, didn't it?
31:14Oh, oh, no.
31:15Oh, it's the buzzer, sweetheart.
31:17It's the buzzer.
31:18It'll be a little Emma Bunton, darling.
31:20Yeah.
31:21You've got to go to redo the words on the originals, Dad.
31:24I'm sure you're all right.
31:25And darling, you could help me a little bit here.
31:26Be nice to her.
31:27Be friends with her, darling, sweetheart.
31:28Would you?
31:29Here she is.
31:30Here she is.
31:30Here she is.
31:32Hello, sweetheart.
31:33Hi, darling.
31:34Just one side.
31:35I haven't got time, all right?
31:36Well, neither have I.
31:37All right, darling.
31:38What is it you want?
31:39We need you to redo the ad, darling.
31:41Why?
31:42Because you said the wrong words last time.
31:44I said exactly what you told me to say.
31:47Oh, Ralph.
31:48Just think about it, will you?
31:49Be nice to her.
31:50Be nice to her.
31:51Oh, gosh.
31:52You look so well.
31:53Oh, thank you.
31:54Not with you.
31:56Yeah, I know.
31:57I know not me.
31:58But, you know, hey, huge tits, big belly water retention.
32:01It could have been me, couldn't it?
32:02It could have been me.
32:03It's genetic.
32:04Well, I wasn't talking to you.
32:05And there you go again, lassoing the spotlight back onto yourself.
32:08You know, at my age, I need more lighting.
32:10All right.
32:11Take more than a spotlight to make you look any good.
32:14After roping the sun in a couple of neighbouring galaxies to flatter that face.
32:20Oh, thank you.
32:22Mum, will you just go?
32:23All right, I'm going.
32:25Come on, Pats.
32:26Darling, darling, darling.
32:27Why don't you invite little Emma to your baby shower?
32:30Are you having a baby shower?
32:31No.
32:31Yeah, I want to give her a baby shower.
32:33Is it a shower?
32:34It's a baby shower.
32:35Is it a shower?
32:35It's a baby shower.
32:36Is it a baby shower?
32:38No, it's not.
32:39No, darling.
32:42No, Slee.
32:42Sorry, Slee.
32:43It's not a little shower.
32:45It's a party.
32:45Come on.
32:46It's a party.
32:48Having a friend over later if you want to come.
32:51It's not a shower.
32:52It's just...
32:53Anyway.
32:55I'd love to come.
32:56Oh.
32:56I'd love to come.
32:57Listen, but I was wondering, have you seen this biscuit ad?
33:00No.
33:01Well, I hope it's all right, because your mum said it was only going to go out in Japan.
33:04Oh, I think she tells everyone.
33:06I've seen that.
33:09Here we are.
33:11Oh, yes.
33:12Oh, yeah.
33:13Give me the little bag as well.
33:14Give me the little bag.
33:15I know you.
33:15You'll take it off while I see it again.
33:17Just trying to be helpful.
33:18Helpful.
33:19Oh.
33:20Oh, this is nice.
33:22Oh, really?
33:22This is lovely.
33:23Oh, yeah.
33:24What's that smell, isn't it?
33:26It's that smell of the country.
33:28That sort of smell that you can't quite put your finger on, isn't it?
33:30No, but I think you put your foot in it.
33:33Do you want to give me that shoe?
33:35Oh, you've picked something up.
33:36Oh.
33:36Oh.
33:37Oh.
33:38Oh.
33:40Oh.
33:41Oh.
33:43Oh.
33:45Yeah, that's a little bit better now, isn't it?
33:48Yeah, that's better.
33:49That's the smell, isn't it, darling?
33:51Smell of old wood smoke, old polish, old dust.
33:54It's a kind of secret smell of oldness, isn't it?
33:56Yeah.
33:57It's a whiff of good malt whiskey always in the air.
34:00And, darling, Eddie, Eddie, the smell of breeding.
34:02Yeah, darling, isn't it?
34:03Yeah.
34:04Yeah, that's the smell, isn't it, darling?
34:06The smell of class and privilege.
34:09Oh, yes.
34:10An old polish.
34:11Oh, I love it.
34:13Yeah, we should get ourselves a little bit of this, darling.
34:15We should marry ourselves a duke or something, a little title.
34:17Yeah.
34:18Yeah.
34:18Have a little flick through DeBretz.
34:19Yeah.
34:20The who's who and the what's left of the British aristocracy.
34:23Get ourselves a little old one.
34:24Yeah, sweetheart, this is where we want to end our days, in the pages of Tatler, isn't it?
34:28That's the only place they'll let you grow old gracefully, isn't it?
34:30In Tatler, you're going to have two teeth and three grey hairs whipped into a bouffant.
34:34Oh, you've got a title, you're beautiful.
34:36Yeah.
34:37Oh, yeah.
34:38Madonna's no fool, is she?
34:39Moving in these circles now.
34:42Oh, good old Madonna, always leading us through to the end of our lives, isn't she?
34:45Darling, those arms are going to go sooner or later, and she's going to be having big kimono flaps.
34:50And, darling, when that happens, she won't want to be photographed sitting next door to a supermodel.
34:55She'd want to be in bystander next to some old duchess to look good, wouldn't she?
34:58I mean, darling, only in Tatler could Camilla be a cover girl.
35:05Hi.
35:06Hi.
35:06How are you?
35:08Oh, I'm fine.
35:09About to burst.
35:11Oh, my goodness.
35:13So freaky.
35:16So huge.
35:18I'm not that big.
35:19Oh, my God.
35:21It's like...
35:24I'm not that big.
35:26Does it hurt?
35:28No.
35:32Is someone else coming?
35:33Yes.
35:34Who?
35:35Who else do you know?
35:38Emma.
35:41Oh.
35:41Hi, Kathy.
35:42Hi, Emma.
35:44Come in, sit down.
35:46Do you remember Sarah?
35:48Um, I don't remember.
35:48Hi.
35:49Oh, she was in my year.
35:51Oh.
35:51You remember, Emma.
35:52She was at school with us.
35:53You were a few years below, weren't you?
35:55Oh, yeah, I think when you were head girl, I was only 3B.
35:58Oh, right.
35:59Let me get you a drink.
36:00Okay.
36:01Oh, it's so funny to think there's a baby in there.
36:04I mean, it's so close.
36:05Well, not really.
36:06You just get used to it.
36:07Where does all the other stuff go?
36:11What other stuff?
36:12How can there be a huge baby in there and all the other stuff?
36:16This.
36:18Stomach organs.
36:19Where do they all get squished to?
36:21And the pipes.
36:23Well, that's why I'm fat.
36:25Duh.
36:26I'm worried, though, isn't it?
36:27Huge baby in there.
36:29Could be fiddling with things.
36:33And nibbling on things.
36:35Yes.
36:36Anyway.
36:37Wouldn't it be great if there was a little window there so you can look in and see what
36:42it was doing?
36:42Like a skylight.
36:44Will you shut up?
36:44Not that you could open, but just look in and see what it was up to.
36:48Stop it.
36:49See it feeding.
36:51Will you shut up?
36:53And we can wave at it.
36:55Go, hello, baby.
36:59Oh, my goodness.
37:00Oh, I want to see it.
37:02I want to feel it.
37:03Oh, please.
37:04Please, let me touch it.
37:05Please, show me the stomach.
37:06Oh, show me.
37:08She said stop it.
37:14Well done.
37:15Right, let's open some presents.
37:26Emma, it's Emma Bunton.
37:29Yes, I know it's Emma Bunton.
37:30Will you shut up and sit down?
37:33Not on the presents.
37:36Oh, I know, I know.
37:39Here we are.
37:40Would you like to check in, please?
37:41Yeah.
37:41Oh, I'm sorry we haven't got many staff on this weekend.
37:45We don't normally get many people here this time of year.
37:47Oh, good, good.
37:51Most people are here for the golf.
37:53Oh, look, we just want to go and change and go straight outside and start shooting.
37:57Yeah, I want to do hunting, hunting as well.
37:59Right, well, I'll go and see if I can get the gamekeeper to come and see you.
38:02Oh, a little bit of afternoon action there.
38:06Oh, a little bit of bang-bang.
38:07Gamekeeper action.
38:08A little bit of bang-bang.
38:09Oh, yeah, we'll be banging all afternoon, won't we, darling?
38:14Ladies.
38:15This is your host and gamekeeper, Clarissa.
38:19Aunt Gilly and part-time groom.
38:22I've rustled up a couple of noggins of complimentary whiskey.
38:25I hope that's in order.
38:26Cheers.
38:27Cheers.
38:27We've a skeleton staff this weekend.
38:29Oh, you've got to fool me.
38:33But I'm sure you'll find something we have to offer that you'll need, like exercise.
38:39Have you got a pool and a jacuzzi?
38:41I'm afraid not.
38:42Well, did you massage?
38:43No.
38:44But I'm sure Clarissa will sit on you if you need loosening up.
38:49We want to shoot.
38:50Yeah, and hunt.
38:52I'm afraid there's nothing in season at the moment.
38:54What can we shoot?
38:55Clay pigeons.
38:56Clay pigeons.
38:58Well, doesn't market forces count for anything?
39:00I paid £30,000 for this weekend.
39:02All right, so your hounds is on holiday.
39:04Get more hounds in.
39:05I mean, I'm equipped.
39:06I'm ready.
39:07You should be cultivating people like me.
39:09You could play golf.
39:10Oh, piss off.
39:11How old do you think we are?
39:15We'll go riding.
39:17Riding?
39:18What, horseback riding?
39:18Yeah, because I've had some lovely horseback riding boots made.
39:20In fact, I've spent a fortune on horseback riding clothes.
39:22All right.
39:22Yeah, I'll go riding.
39:24Oh, riding.
39:31Fishing.
39:33Fishing.
39:37Tell you who.
39:43Mine are a bit expensive, but there's an odd designer piece.
39:46I just couldn't help myself.
39:48The things were so cute.
39:49But I didn't buy them just because they're designer.
39:51No.
39:52Oh, this is beautiful.
39:54Can I take a picture?
39:56What?
39:57I've got my camera in my bag.
40:00Safi, will you take it?
40:01Do you mind?
40:01Do I mind?
40:03It's okay.
40:03It's okay.
40:04It's okay.
40:04Well, just be quick, yeah?
40:05Okay.
40:16You have to wait for the flash.
40:20I'm your biggest fan.
40:21They all are.
40:27That's going to be my car.
40:28I'm going to have to go.
40:29All right.
40:29Let's keep in touch, yeah?
40:30Okay, thanks for coming.
40:31Listen, come around another time when you know she's not here.
40:35Yeah, well, maybe.
40:41Where are you going?
40:42That was so embarrassing.
40:43She didn't mind.
40:44That's what they want.
40:47Where are you going?
40:48I'm going to follow her.
40:50I'm going to follow her everywhere.
40:52I'm going to find out where she lives,
40:53find out her phone number,
40:55go through her dustbins.
40:57I'm going to watch her
40:58while she doesn't know I'm there.
41:08Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush.
41:11What is that noise, darling?
41:12It's driving me mad.
41:15It's silence, Eddie.
41:18I don't like it.
41:19That's what I like, yeah.
41:21Bang in.
41:22Well, everything's ready.
41:24All right.
41:25Good.
41:25I take it, you've ridden before.
41:26Well, I've been ridden.
41:28No, that's not true.
41:29No, I have ridden before,
41:30but we'll be fine.
41:32If we see a box,
41:33we're going to chase it anyway.
41:34All right.
41:36That's for you.
41:38Should I get on here?
41:39No, no.
41:39Take it out to the horse.
41:45Right.
41:46And one for you.
41:48Saddle.
41:50No, no.
41:52No, no, of course.
41:55Cheers, thanks a lot.
42:01Now, now, can you sit up?
42:03Sit up.
42:04Well done, well done, Eddie.
42:05Well done.
42:06Push it, push the leg.
42:07You've got your leg, darling.
42:07There you are.
42:08Well done.
42:09Oh, that's it.
42:10There's your leg, darling.
42:11That looks great, Eddie.
42:12You look great.
42:13You look great.
42:13Come on, he doesn't hurt that much.
42:14I'm sitting, I'm going to sit up.
42:16That's right, sit up.
42:16Sit up slowly.
42:17Very good.
42:18That's it.
42:19Keep going.
42:21You get on yours, darling.
42:22Piece of cake.
42:23Piece of cake.
42:28Hey, come on, Pat.
42:30Keep up.
42:31Keep up.
42:34Goodbye.
42:37I didn't like it.
42:39Thanks, sir.
42:40I want to get out.
42:41I don't know what it's wrong.
42:45You didn't like it.
42:46It was very painful.
42:47And did you not enjoy your...
42:47Poor Pats.
42:49Eddie, Eddie, I can't get off.
42:50I think the saddle will have to come off with me.
42:52I've had a bit of a...
42:54A bit of a...
42:58I'm going to get shooting, darling.
43:01Eddie, don't get so far, darling.
43:03Poor Pats.
43:03I'm going to get changed.
43:04Wait for me, sweetheart, because you might have to scrape me off this.
43:08Not far now.
43:11You can see the butt.
43:12Yeah, it's only a butt from here.
43:19Paul!
43:22Paul!
43:23Paul!
43:25Paul!
43:27Good shot.
43:29Paul!
43:36Good shot, Ellie.
43:43Good shot, Ellie.
43:44Noise again, isn't it?
43:46How about noise, eh?
43:47Oh, no bloody telling, isn't it?
43:49How was the pigeon?
43:51Yeah, it was quite small.
43:54Full of bullets.
43:57It's shot.
43:58Yeah, I know.
43:59I shot it.
44:01Good night.
44:02Good night.
44:03I mean, are we in the others?
44:05I mean, you know.
44:07What's happening here?
44:09Yeah, maybe we are dead.
44:10Maybe this is death.
44:11Maybe Emma Bunton shot me and I just don't know it, you know.
44:26Oh, what a washout this weekend.
44:27With £30,000 this weekend has cost me, darling.
44:31And all I've had to show for it is one very small, bony pigeon.
44:34Oh, darling.
44:35For that much, you should have been allowed to pluck and eat her yourself.
44:38Eat her, yeah.
44:39Oh, darling, no wonder the Rothschilds were laughing at you.
44:45Well, they were laughing at me, sweetheart.
44:47Yeah, not only the Rothschilds.
44:49They were laughing at me.
44:51Well, don't they laugh at me.
44:52They've got to watch out, darling, because I've had a gun put in my hand.
44:55I'm trained to kill now, aren't I, darling?
44:56And I haven't been allowed to.
44:57Darling, you're just a little ball of violence, Ellie.
45:00I know, sweetheart.
45:00Well, that's what happens when there's no massage and spa, isn't it?
45:02There's no comedown.
45:05Bloody Rothschilds, Rothschilds laughing at me, sweetheart.
45:08I hate all that Tattler crowd, actually, darling.
45:11I hate them.
45:11Who bloody needs them?
45:13Upper classes, who bloody needs them, sweetheart?
45:15They're all inbred anyway, aren't they?
45:16Yeah, just a talking neck.
45:19Most of them have done away with features altogether.
45:22They have to marry a bit of common every now and then to ensure bone development.
45:26Yeah, they do.
45:27Yeah, they do.
45:27That's true, sweetheart.
45:29Most of them just one big eye and an eyebrow, now, aren't they, darling?
45:32That's all these old trout faces, all called piggy and wicky and tiggy and liggy.
45:38They never quite shake off the names that Nanny gave them, can they?
45:41None of them.
45:42Well, who bloody needs them, darling?
45:43Them and their bloody rules, when I can kill and when I'm not allowed to kill, darling?
45:46I'm not one of them.
45:47I'm one of the proletariat.
45:48I shall rise up, darling.
45:50I shall kill...
45:53For 30,000, Eddie, let's kill some birds.
45:56Get some bloody birds.
45:57Yeah, let's go, darling.
45:58Give it all, give it all.
46:09Let's give it all, son.
46:17What are you going to do with it, darling?
46:20I don't know, I don't know. Put it, put it, put it, put it, put it down my case.
46:23Put it, put it, put it, put it.
46:26Oh, did you put the guns away down?
46:28Well, yeah, I put them back.
46:29They're a little bit warm.
46:35Oh, my first kill, my first blood.
46:37It's not the season.
46:40I'll be the judge of that.
46:43Oh, fantastic.
46:45God, that was better than a massage, wasn't it?
46:47A killing spree.
46:48It was extraordinary. I couldn't really see anything at all, actually.
46:51You could just...
46:53You could just...
46:53That's better, isn't it, darling?
46:55Sensory.
46:56Oh, that's fantastic.
46:57Cheers, darling.
46:58Oh, my God, darling. Bang, bang.
47:00Ah!
47:13Did you hear that?
47:14No, I did, I did.
47:17Let's go into the cupboard.
47:21Go and see.
47:22No, no, you can't see anyone.
47:24Go and see, go and see.
47:24No, no, no, because I don't want to...
47:25Go and see.
47:26It's nothing, darling.
47:27It's just probably some coat hammer.
47:29Ghost or something.
47:30Just ghost.
47:35Who wants to come as well?
47:49Oh, really?
47:51Is it a hat?
47:58Is it...
47:59It's the ghost of my fessence on your head, sweetheart.
48:03Will it be with me forever?
48:08Shit!
48:11Oh, darling, it's gone under the bed.
48:13It's gone under the bed.
48:17Is it there?
48:19It's not there, darling.
48:20Where's it gone?
48:20It's gone into the bathroom.
48:21Get my feet out there.
48:23What's it to get my feet?
48:23Go and get it.
48:24It's in the bathroom.
48:25Oh, darling.
48:25It's gone into the bathroom.
48:26I don't want...
48:27Just go and get it in the bathroom, darling.
48:28It's very simple.
48:29Just go and get it.
48:29What will I do?
48:30Just pull its neck.
48:31Just pull its neck like that.
48:32Just pull its neck like that.
48:34I can do this.
48:36I've shot it once.
48:37I can pull its neck.
48:41Don't get out.
48:42Stay with me.
48:43Put it, put it, put it.
48:47It's gone.
48:50It's gone.
48:52It's gone.
49:00It wouldn't flush.
49:08It's just sweet, darling.
49:09Talking to me.
49:10Oh, hey, just pull its neck.
49:26I can't, darling.
49:27I can't.
49:27My fingers...
49:28I've got all jelly.
49:30I can't, darling.
49:31Oh, darling, just do what they do with unwanted house guests.
49:34I mean, drag it and dump it in Hyde Park, you know.
49:37Is that OK with you?
49:39Is it OK with me?
49:43Cheers, darling.
49:44Cheers.
49:45A little snacket.
49:46You're pleased to hear men eating pre-prepared chicken legs now, darling,
49:49after a little killing weekend.
49:51You didn't tell anyone about that, did you, sweetheart?
49:53Good.
49:53Only foraging in the aisles of waitress from now on for me, sweetheart.
50:00What is that?
50:01Hmm?
50:03It's the police.
50:11She's over there.
50:13Oh, thank you very much, sweetheart.
50:16All right, stop.
50:18Before you arrest me, I want to say one thing in my defence.
50:21All we killed was a pigeon, which I ate, sweetheart.
50:25Anyway, I was only trying to experience my heritage.
50:28You know, trying to experience a little bit of my culture
50:30before she and her little banning friends ban it for all time.
50:33I mean, she's picking away at the delicate card house
50:37that is the fabric of our society.
50:40She's...
50:40Lady, I hope you know where you're going with this.
50:41Yeah, I think I'm all right.
50:42You know, if they've banned everything...
50:44No, I'm on to a good one here.
50:45When they've banned everything, sweetheart,
50:47and they just pull away at the little cards of the card house,
50:50everything will just collapse.
50:51Do you understand what I'm saying?
50:52You should never trust an English person
50:54who asks you to take your shoes off at the front door.
50:58No, darling, it's not in our culture.
51:00It's not in our culture.
51:01It's not in our culture.
51:02You see what she's saying?
51:03And anyway, the pheasant, which you've probably come about,
51:06is alive and living in Hyde Park.
51:08Yes.
51:09It suffered mild tranquilisation with the date rape drug,
51:12and we released it near the Serpentine Gallery
51:15where it is living happily with its friends.
51:17All right?
51:18I'm afraid you're going to have to come with us.
51:28Miss Bunton has taken a restraining order out against you,
51:31and we need to see you down the station.
51:34How did you know I was here?
51:38Oh!
51:40Oh, my God.
51:44Wheels on fire
51:47Rolling down the road
51:53Let's notify my next little kid
51:57This will shine, let's go
52:02Well, the slip got away with it.
52:04Weekends at High Grove still beckon.
52:06Yeah.
52:06If he likes the ad.
52:08I'm a girl who likes a bit of class,
52:10and that's why I choose to eat originals,
52:12organic, open ginger,
52:14and orange,
52:14and a blue-free cheese biscuits.
52:17I love him.
52:19Sorry, Albert.