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00:03Oh, God.
00:05Hello, hello.
00:06That's darling, come on, come and sit down.
00:08Don't wander off like that.
00:09I could be called onto that podium at any moment.
00:11Relax, darling.
00:11Have a little of this stolly promotion, you know?
00:14Oh, sure, sure.
00:15It's the PR PRs.
00:16It won't be the first award, but it's the big one.
00:17It won't be the...
00:18I should sit there.
00:18I'm nearer the aisle.
00:19Swap, swap, swap.
00:21Swap, swap.
00:23Oh, God.
00:23So, who else is here?
00:25Sent bubble out with the rear to the ground in a pad.
00:27But I want a celebrity count.
00:28Celebrity count?
00:28Well, there's no one to worry about.
00:30Elizabeth Hurley.
00:31Obviously.
00:31Yeah.
00:32And I've got a wife with Tanya Breyer,
00:33but she was on a table practically out in the foyer.
00:35And there is a possibility of Isabella Rossellini.
00:37No!
00:39Damn!
00:40That would be Dodge and Gabbana.
00:41They're using her now.
00:42I don't know why.
00:43No, she's far too old.
00:44Far too old.
00:45This is the happening table, then.
00:46This one.
00:46Yeah, this one.
00:47Darling, Naomi is it.
00:48Right, good.
00:49Hello.
00:50Because it wasn't easier.
00:51Oh, darling, this is the flash camera situation.
00:53Yes.
00:54Hello, hello, hello.
00:55Patsy Stone, 39, international beauty and style guru.
00:58Yes.
01:00Just like Dina Monsoon.
01:01No, I don't know.
01:02Where's Lulu?
01:03Where is Lulu?
01:04She's supposed to be here.
01:05I wanted Naomi and Lulu.
01:07I wanted a potpourri of A-list visibles, you know.
01:10Claudia Bing.
01:11Bing, Bing, Bing and Bing.
01:12Here.
01:13Do you want a drink?
01:14Are you all right?
01:15I'm fine, thanks.
01:15It's very difficult.
01:16It's very difficult.
01:18There's Claudia Bing.
01:19Hello, Claudia.
01:20Hello.
01:21She got at her table, then, huh?
01:22Nobodies.
01:23I know, but a lot of nobodies, though, isn't it?
01:25Many nobodies over there.
01:27What Channel Tunnel needs is a derailment or a small bomb or a suicide.
01:31I can't get any more coverage.
01:32Train going through hole is dull, dull, dull.
01:35I need you to mingle with your pad.
01:37Pick up the buzz.
01:38I need to know who's got who, what, when, and in what capacity.
01:41Next week's very busy for me.
01:43I'm launching Erica Yong's new book, Sex with Myself at Sticky Fingers.
01:48Bill's thrilled.
01:49He loves Hugh Joe Nings.
01:51He's a very good friend of mine.
01:53I've met him.
01:54I've got to go through this, and I've got to go through my acceptance speech, darling.
01:57Did you write it, Ellie?
01:58No, Will Self did it.
01:59He's very good.
01:59He's the latest.
02:01Go and talk to Naomi.
02:02She's looking bored.
02:03Go talk to her.
02:03Talk to her.
02:06Bubble, where's Bubble?
02:07Bubble, Bubble.
02:08Right, what have you got?
02:09What's the buzz?
02:10Two bottles of champagne on table six.
02:13Cigar for the man on table four.
02:16And sticky toffee pudding for table seven and eight.
02:20I need names, places, concepts happening, network.
02:23Get the buzz, the buzz.
02:25Hi, Naomi.
02:26Fancy Stone, hi.
02:27I just want to say I think you're fabulous and you're worth every penny you get.
02:30Babe, you are one in a million.
02:31I'm darling, I should know, you know?
02:33I should know.
02:34I wish you could see the tragic cases that parade every day through my magazine just in search of a
02:38spread.
02:39Naomi, Daily Mail, love.
02:42Is that one of Vivian's you're wearing?
02:43No, it's my own.
02:44Anyway, I just have to tell these tragic little wannabes.
02:47Do you know what I tell them?
02:47I say, darling, just stick your fingers down your throat, hack off your tits, keep taking the tablets and don't
02:52come back until you're looking like something, you know?
02:55I'll remember you.
02:56And sticky toffee pudding on table six.
02:58Go out again.
02:59I need more.
03:00Oh, I see Alexander over there.
03:02Well, the press were very mean to him after his last collection, but it didn't do him any harm.
03:06He just sells the same clothes, but with the word crap actually printed on it.
03:09It's not a crime jacket, crap shirt.
03:11He can't keep up with the demand for crap.
03:14There's Naomi.
03:14Yes, don't rub it in.
03:16Now, where was I?
03:17The other interesting thing I was about to say is I'm just launching a campaign on Tested for Animals.
03:23It's cosmetics using human blubber.
03:26The whales use us as a moisturizer.
03:29Yes, whales use us as a moisturizer.
03:31You should get Naomi to front it.
03:33Yes, I've already thought of that.
03:34Just got to check.
03:36Oh, oh, oh, oh.
03:37Hello.
03:38Hello.
03:39Did you enjoy the premiere last Tuesday?
03:41Yes, fabulous.
03:42What do you think of the film?
03:43I didn't see the film, just went to the party.
03:44Yes, me too.
03:45Yes, well, I did that party, you see.
03:47Oh, it was quite good.
03:48Though, personally, I've never thought Japanese finger fruits that well in the Atlantic.
03:53Bubble, walk the steps to the podium, will you?
03:55See how many steps to the podium for me.
03:57Squeak, walk the steps.
03:58Copy steps.
04:01No, you can't sit there.
04:02That's Lulu.
04:02You can't sit there.
04:03She's not here.
04:03She's very small.
04:09Hi.
04:10I think we met at Helena's eyelash launch, Claudia Bing.
04:13Did we?
04:14I'm organising a liposuction-a-thon in aid of whalers next week.
04:18Not a lot of actresses interested.
04:20Jane Seymour's sucking out her own.
04:23I don't know liposuction.
04:24No, we don't want fat people.
04:25That would be a real turn-off.
04:27Also, have you heard of ozone, the eco-scent?
04:30Oh, look at that.
04:31What do you want?
04:32Look at that hair.
04:32What is that?
04:33What is that?
04:33Some gel scraped through the smooth end.
04:35I know.
04:36It's not a hairstyle, is it?
04:37No, it's a cover-up.
04:38I promise we won't take up any more of your time than we possibly can.
04:42And it'll be fun.
04:44She's being very difficult.
04:46You do the cigar, and I'll deal with the toffee pudding.
04:50Right.
04:51Okay.
04:52You're not drinking that water, are you?
04:53That's not my water.
04:53This is my water.
04:54Drink this water.
04:55Me in this water.
04:55This water.
04:56Naomi in this water.
04:58Where are you going?
04:58Where are you going?
04:59I need a waz.
05:00Oh.
05:05Get on to that next week, if you decide to come again.
05:09Oh, yes, I will.
05:10I found it fascinating.
05:12I always thought psychology was, well, not very interesting, but, well, you'll make it.
05:19Anyway, I hope I didn't drag you out of your way to bring me home.
05:22Completely.
05:23Oh.
05:23No, but it was just great to find somebody interested.
05:26Most of the students are thinking wheelbarrows.
05:28If you remember the de Bono analogy I used today.
05:31Oh, yes.
05:31Whereas you have the potential to be a thinking limousine.
05:34Oh.
05:36I don't know about that.
05:38A real Rolls-Royce brain.
05:43You don't live here on your own, I hope.
05:45No.
05:46My mother's out for the evening, luckily.
05:49Well, I'd better be going.
05:50Oh, would you like a tea or coffee or something?
05:54Well, what have you got?
05:56Oh.
05:58Everything.
06:01That's, come on, come on, come on.
06:02It doesn't take so long.
06:03Where have you been?
06:04Who's ran into little Jason Donovan?
06:05Oh, my.
06:07They're still standing.
06:08Gorgeous.
06:09And now, we've watched the multimedia networking technique for celebrity-sponsored diet.
06:13It's not, it's not, it's not mine.
06:14It's been presented by Lulu.
06:16Lulu!
06:17She's with me, she's with me.
06:19Lulu, she must have just got back from Germany.
06:23She's been on tour.
06:24Thank you, thank you.
06:25I'm literally just off the plane from Australia.
06:26Australia.
06:28Oh, my new single is out next week.
06:30Oh, my God.
06:30Why should I tell me this thing?
06:32The winner is Mike Stewart for Trans-Rose.
06:42Lulu!
06:43Lulu!
06:43I've got a microphone.
06:44Sing, shout, sing, shout!
06:45Oh, she's gone.
06:47Oh, she's mine next time.
06:48Naomi, Naomi.
06:49Can I sit here, because it's closer for me?
06:51No, I'm presenting.
06:52You're presenting.
06:53So, now, this one's PR's PR award.
06:54Uh-huh.
06:55It's going to be presented by Naomi Campbell.
06:57That's you.
07:02Is it a big buzz?
07:05It's a huge buzz.
07:06Can we move the table closer?
07:07Pick up, pick and lift, pick and lift.
07:08Move the table just a bit closer.
07:15And the winner is, oh, can I open this envelope, of the PR PR's award.
07:21Yes.
07:21Claudia Pink.
07:22Bang!
07:31I accept this totally.
07:34I have a great team who will all be thrilled.
07:39I know this award is chiefly due to the success of my Stop Dumping campaign.
07:43Stop Dumping and make the world a better place.
07:46Tonight, the world couldn't smell sweeter.
07:50I'm thrilled.
07:50I'veì ¸ you on safe.
08:06That's the wrong buzz.
08:08Right, come on, we're going, we're going.
08:09We're out of staying here.
08:10We're going.
08:11Come on, done.
08:13Come on.
08:16It frightens me. It frightens me.
08:20I mean, how did that bitch win?
08:22Come on, Eddie. You know these things. She probably bribed the judges.
08:24I chose those judges!
08:27Come on and go home.
08:31Stop dumping. I thought of that.
08:33It's getting late. Don't get me onto logic bubbles.
08:36I'll be here all night.
08:39Would you like another tea? Would you like to try the raspberry?
08:42What was that I had before this one?
08:43The banjo thing. One of Mum's.
08:46And before that?
08:46The fennel.
08:48OK. I'll try the raspberry.
08:51I'm not keeping you up, am I?
08:52No. I was just thinking it's so true what you were saying about critical thinking.
08:59The western disease.
09:02You have an eyelash.
09:04Have I? Where?
09:05On your cheek.
09:06I can't see it.
09:10Which cheek?
09:11Shall I?
09:12Oh.
09:13Yes, please. Thank you.
09:22Being cuticle.
09:25Cuticle?
09:26Sorry. I mean, critical destruction.
09:30Yes, one hypothesis doesn't necessarily make a better one.
09:35How's the raspberry?
09:37Lovely.
09:45Are you all right?
09:47I don't think I can manage the passion fruit.
09:49Oh.
09:51Look, I should be going.
09:54Oh.
09:57I guess I'm going to get a popular win.
09:59What is the point of winning if it's not popular?
10:01No.
10:02We're looking nicer.
10:03Nobody I know hates her.
10:04I hate her.
10:05I hate her.
10:05I hate her.
10:05I hate her.
10:06I'm not letting that pitch as my argument.
10:07I mean, it's just that she's not a woman's woman.
10:09You know?
10:10She's not a man's woman.
10:11She's not a woman.
10:12She's not a man.
10:12It's we.
10:13It's we.
10:13We are anybody's.
10:17Something's too important.
10:18It's not important.
10:19They are all no important.
10:21They are import-less.
10:22They are not important.
10:24Of course they're not, darling.
10:25I mean, God, they're already a reflection of what is actually happening.
10:28Of course they're not, darling.
10:30I think maybe I should go.
10:31This is somebody's bloody subjective view, isn't it?
10:34Yeah.
10:35Say that, darling.
10:36I know where the door is.
10:37Jealous because I'm unconventional and successful, darling.
10:41They're jealous.
10:42Yeah, of course they are, babe.
10:43Oh, God.
10:45I mean, I piss better ideas than Claudia Bing.
10:47Babe, you don't.
10:49You're back very early, Mum.
10:51Yeah, well, don't ask me how it went, darling.
10:54It was a monumental bloody buggery cop-up of global proportions, darling.
10:59I take it you didn't win.
11:01Of course I didn't win.
11:01Babe, that award had your name on it.
11:03Well, of course it had my name on it.
11:04I bought it.
11:05I sponsored it.
11:05It is the Edina Monsoon PR's PR award.
11:08I am it.
11:09And why did you bother to open it up to competition?
11:11Because I was a fool.
11:13No, babe.
11:13It was because the bitch must have cheated.
11:15The bitch cheated.
11:15The bitch cheated.
11:16The bitch cheated.
11:16What did she do?
11:17Some work?
11:18Oh!
11:20Shall I hit her for you, Eddie?
11:21No, muzzle yourself.
11:22Muzzle yourself.
11:22I'm sorry, Mum, but I've never really seen what it is you actually do.
11:27P.R.
11:29P.R.
11:29Yes, but P.R.
11:31I P.R. things.
11:33People.
11:34Places.
11:35Concepts.
11:36Lulu.
11:37Lulu.
11:38I P.R. them.
11:40I am, and if you've heard of me, I have P.R.
11:43I make the fabulous.
11:45I make the crap into credible.
11:47I make the dull into...
11:50Yes.
11:51My P.R. darling, and yet they would bloody honour some pea-brained, hypocritical do-gooder
11:56like her.
11:57Well, you all sound the same, anyway.
11:59And awards don't matter.
12:02Thank you, darling.
12:02No, they don't, do they, darling?
12:04Awardpats, awards don't matter.
12:05Oh, boy, we've been here before.
12:08It's just, you know, I...
12:10I just want one.
12:12Not just want one, darling, I need one.
12:14My career is on a sort of toboggan run of failure at the moment, you know.
12:18I just need one.
12:19They're the only thing that seems to mean anything these days, you know.
12:21I need it now, too, before the menopause drags me into her gaping jaws.
12:26You know, before my creative hormonal oil well triples to a halt.
12:31Before my bottom becomes just a patchwork quilt of monkey glands, darling.
12:35And the menopause can be a very exhilarating and positive time for a woman.
12:39Oh, yeah, darling, and the curse is a blessing and childbirth is painless.
12:42No.
12:44Unless that gaping hole on my mantelpiece is filled pretty soon, darling.
12:48I might as...
12:49Yeah, I might as well just lick this light switch and do us all a favour, darling.
12:59Oh, oh, oh!
13:01Who's that man?
13:02What?
13:04What?
13:05Oh, oh, oh!
13:06There's a man here!
13:07The man here!
13:08The man here!
13:08I came down the stairs!
13:09There's a man here!
13:09Who was he?
13:10Who was he?
13:10Who was he?
13:10Just my psychology lecturer.
13:18Your psychology lecturer.
13:19Your psychology lecturer.
13:19You just locked me home.
13:21You're psychology lecturer.
13:26Oh, yeah, look at you, huh?
13:28Yeah, I thought you were acting a little weird.
13:30Mum, I am not acting here.
13:31Well, obviously, darling, not acting.
13:33My God, if you showed any talent in that direction, I'd have strapped a ponytail in your head and
13:36sent you to Cynthia Ann's stage school, darling.
13:39If any luck had got Roman Polanski interested in you, you know.
13:41I'm sure it was never young enough for him.
13:45And then we'd never have heard the word uni-bloody-versity, would we?
13:48Hmm?
13:49I'm off to sleep on what's left of my career.
13:52Of course, new.
13:53What is new, darling?
13:55Is it if I don't come up with an idea pretty soon, you can say goodbye to uni-bloody-versity,
14:00to this sink, to this bloody house, to you old smugs?
14:03Some of us have to work for a living, you know. We can't all be little liggers.
14:07Not you, not you.
14:21Do you want a sample?
14:25I'll take pretty many.
14:28Breakfast!
14:29Good day, and now what do I need?
14:32Brain food.
14:34Yeah, vegetable juice and prune juice. That should get something moving, darling.
14:37Something big is going to happen today. It's going to be a fabulous day.
14:41Are you here today?
14:42No, well, I've got to nip into the shop and then on to the office, darling, for a brainstorm.
14:46I didn't know you still had the shop.
14:47Oh, yeah, I still got it, darling, but it's not doing very well.
14:49The supply's dropped off, you know.
14:50India's had it been there. Africa's dried up completely now.
14:53It's ridiculous. Thank God for Grozny. Honestly.
14:56Well, darling, if it wasn't for that lovely little Russian army advancing,
14:59flushing out all those gorgeous little heirlooms in my direction, I don't know what I'd do.
15:02Oh, you should see, darling, in the shop at the moment I've got this fabulous little samovar
15:06with a little old woman still attached to it, skinny.
15:10It would be gone for dear life.
15:13Having to lure her off with dry breadcrumbs just like I get a decent price.
15:17Mum?
15:17Oh, so-so.
15:20Oh, God.
15:21Yeah, well, it taste fails. It must be doing me some good.
15:24Oh, actually, no. Yeah, it's working.
15:26Yeah, I can feel myself thinking better. Yeah.
15:28Think, think, think, think, think, yeah.
15:30Strap on the clampons and stay at the summit of my career, darling.
15:32Surf the net with the rest of them. I'm off.
15:34Mum, what?
15:35Change.
15:36What?
15:38Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
15:40What is that?
15:42Oh, my God, it's my Westwood bum bag.
15:44I thought it was attached to the dress. It's on me.
15:45Get it off! Get it off!
15:47Take it off!
15:51Much longer, Tony!
15:53I think I'm ready to try something.
15:54Before lunch?
15:55Is that a good idea?
15:56Let's not rush it, Tony. We have got two days.
15:58I'm trying to spend some money here.
16:00Well, if you want to spend money, why don't we shoot it on motion-controlled cameras?
16:03Is that expensive?
16:03Very.
16:04Good. Do it.
16:05What is it you want me to do?
16:06Did your car pick you up on time?
16:08Yes.
16:08And I have to just check, you got flowers last night, did you?
16:10And were they lovely?
16:11Yes.
16:11And have you been offered everything?
16:12Good.
16:13Now, you know the product, ozone, the eco-scent.
16:16Don't smell that. It's just the dummy.
16:18Now, in this promo, technically, you're an insert.
16:21And you say something probably like, um, I plugged my hole with ozone.
16:25I wanted to plug your smell hole, but Piers and Colin have gone off into a corner to do a
16:29rewrite.
16:29Have you met Piers and Colin?
16:31They're the creative team responsible for milk and beef.
16:34How long has this got to take?
16:35Sit tight. Have a coffee.
16:37Tony wants an emotional-controlled camera.
16:39Two.
16:39Two?
16:40Did you get tapped into that global database today?
16:42I did.
16:43And?
16:43I've got a meeting with a computer database tonight.
16:46What?
16:47He will be wearing a red rose in his bottom.
16:50And if compatibility strikes, who knows?
16:53Wedding bells are not out of the question.
16:55And as a questionnaire, I put you down as casual, sporty, with no pets.
17:00Hello, Piersist.
17:01Well, darling, I have a spot by to say, you know, congratulations.
17:07Is Naomi here?
17:08Yeah, she's over there, but she's behaving very badly.
17:11What's that?
17:12The Poir Swatch.
17:13Didn't she send you a what?
17:16Tony's got a problem.
17:17Oh.
17:19Hi, Naomi.
17:20Hi, it's Eddie.
17:21Eddie.
17:21Eddie and Monson.
17:22Now, I'm starting a global integrated telesatellite projection system.
17:26Okay?
17:26The whole world is our screen.
17:27Imagine.
17:28Your face on the Gobi Desert.
17:29Your face over the whole of the Antarctic.
17:31I just need you.
17:32All right?
17:32Naomi, have you seen a menu?
17:33Yes.
17:34All right?
17:34Just the idea of you is enough, all right?
17:36Thank you, sir.
17:36Yes.
17:36Yes.
17:37That's lovely.
17:38It's all right.
17:40Oh.
17:40Will we see you tomorrow?
17:42Um, yeah.
17:42I'm, you know, launching something pretty huge.
17:44Oh?
17:47I just can't bear the idea that one day some inexperienced, clumsy, spotty youth will get
17:56in its hands on something so precious.
18:01I would love to gently open that flower.
18:08Oh, hello, Gerard.
18:10How's your wife?
18:14And how's the new house, dear?
18:16We miss you up our end, you know.
18:18But I did see your sister the other day on that saga tour of Sizewell B.
18:25It's very good, you know, dear.
18:26They allowed us to push the buttons.
18:29Is he getting fresh with you, dear?
18:31What?
18:31Oh, dear.
18:35If you take my advice, Gerard, you'll play it cool.
18:39There's nothing so unattractive as a flisky old person.
18:42Believe me, I know.
18:43I've seen Cocoon.
18:47Where's Eddie?
18:48Oh, isn't she with you, dear?
18:49I was beginning to think you two were attached at the hip.
18:52Why don't you try Patsy?
18:53I'm sure she's more your type.
18:54I've been trying to explain.
18:55Would you like a drink, Patsy?
18:57What?
18:59Don't do this.
19:00Just get out!
19:04Right, I'm home.
19:06Idea had.
19:07Career saved.
19:08Cracker up on the volley.
19:09Oh, fabulous, Eddie.
19:10Well done, well done, Eddie.
19:12It's a fabulous idea, darling.
19:13I'm going to present it at the industry, do you tomorrow lunch.
19:15Will you come?
19:16Yeah, free lunch.
19:16I'll come.
19:17Oh, yeah, come.
19:18It's fabulous.
19:18Shush, I'm just going to absorb my lovely launch speech.
19:21My lovely launch speech.
19:21Oh, cheers, Eddie.
19:23Mum, I need to speak to you, Gerard.
19:25Shush, shut up by meditating, darling.
19:26Shush, shut up.
19:26Mum, he's bothering me.
19:27Oh, he's bothering him, Matt.
19:28No, he's married.
19:30With four boys, dear.
19:32I've left my briefcase.
19:40Come on!
19:43Stop bothering my daughter, all right?
19:48Oh, cheers, Eddie.
19:50Yeah, well.
19:52Thanks, Mark.
19:53Yeah, yeah, well, there's too many people in already.
19:56Don't you look so confident.
19:57You're next, you know.
19:58Yes, you.
20:01And with my friends at BNBBB and Needham,
20:04and their friends at BNBDDD and Needham,
20:07we feel we have worked out the importance of brand identity
20:10more keenly than many of our rivals,
20:12as was shown recently in the...
20:13Testing, testing.
20:15...a product which was once perceived
20:16as no more than misshapen blobs
20:18of sweet-additive-filled gelatine,
20:20but with new packaging is now produced
20:22as a trendy confectionery,
20:24the profits of which,
20:25for the next three months,
20:26will go to the Africa baby fund.
20:28I'm on ice, I'm on ice.
20:28Is it a gimmick, I hear my colleagues cry?
20:31No.
20:31There's no speech.
20:32It would only be a gimmick
20:33if it was for two months.
20:34Oh, yeah.
20:35In conclusion,
20:36I would like to say,
20:37why change the world
20:39when all you need
20:40is to change people's perception of it?
20:41No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
20:43no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
20:44no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
20:46no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
20:57no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
21:03no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
21:10I just can't be bothered anymore.
21:12You know, this used to be, like, fun, you know?
21:16You know, it used to be fun, but I've been bored of the fun bits now.
21:18You know, and just bloody lunches and launches, you know?
21:21Some no-career celebrities and party desperates.
21:24And what for, huh?
21:25Some old column inches and some cracked tabs and mags.
21:28Well, I'm sorry, there has to be a little bit more than that, doesn't there?
21:31Yeah, I mean, I had a speech, you know,
21:33about my projected, integrated global tele-network system.
21:38Bloody system system.
21:40But, you know, that's what the world's coming to.
21:41I don't want to be in it.
21:42No, I don't want that.
21:43I don't want to be in some sort of cyberspace, hyper-virtual, bloody reality.
21:48I don't want that, exchanging email with some old-age, bloody hippies
21:51with more information at their fingertips that is safe.
21:53I don't want that.
21:55I mean, what kind of reality is that, you know?
21:57The 13-amp plug on the end of it.
21:59Huh? Huh?
22:01That can be unplugged like that.
22:02Come on, let's...
22:03No, I'm not going yet.
22:04No, you.
22:04Yeah, you.
22:05You're looking, sit there, sit there with a Velcro to some bloody ad man,
22:08those crap-haired ad man over there,
22:10those, you know, those kings of bastardization
22:12that have just taken anything that was ever real and genuine
22:15and honest and original and attached it to a toilet cleaner.
22:18What?
22:19Whereas I, yeah, I, like a, like a bird on the wire.
22:26Like a drunk in a midnight choir.
22:29I have tried, yeah, in my way to be free.
22:45No, you can laugh, but you know something?
22:52I don't want more choice.
22:53I just want nicer things.
22:55And you, you'd say that look off your face,
22:57you sitting there with your, with your, with your wheels
22:59and your cancer and AIDS and starvation.
23:01Yeah, skimming a neat profit off the whole of human misery.
23:05Laddling us all with this, with this global guilt.
23:08Huh?
23:09Yeah, well, you know, it may not all be great and good,
23:11but it ain't that bad, you know.
23:12So come on, we'll cheer up.
23:14It may never bloody happen.
23:15Come on, darling.
23:16I think you're just dead, Eddie.
23:17Yeah, come on.
23:21Come on, darling.
23:22Where is my speech?
23:23Where was my speech?
23:24Well, if the way to fuck it,
23:25it would have been there at the table still.
23:27It would have been in the kitchens.
23:28Let's go to the kitchens.
23:29It would have been in the kitchens.
23:31They must be here for something.
23:33Good speech, though, Eddie.
23:33Well, they're bastards, aren't they?
23:35Yeah, well, bastards.
23:36Right.
23:37Where are we going, Eddie?
23:38Well, if it was in the rubbish, darling,
23:39if it was played away by the waiters,
23:40it'll be here somewhere, won't it?
23:42Yeah.
23:44Yeah.
23:45Oh, shit.
23:45Oh, shit.
23:46Oh, shit.
23:47Oh, shit.
23:47Oh, shit.
23:50Oh, shit.
23:51Oh, shit.
23:51Oh, shit.
23:52Oh, shit.
23:53Oh, shit.
23:54Oh, shit.
23:55Oh, shit.
23:55Oh, shit.
24:06Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.
24:12Oh, shit.
24:18Oh, sweetie.
24:19Huh?
24:21Really?
24:23Yeah.
24:24Well, darling, I knew that would happen.
24:25Yeah.
24:26Yeah.
24:27Oh, that's fabulous.
24:28Well, tell her I'll be right there, darling.
24:30Hang on.
24:45Boy.
24:47Grunty, where are we going?
24:52Landfill.
24:53What?
24:54Landfill.
24:55Ostend.
24:59Oh, it's landfill in Ostend.
25:01Get me a car from Ostend.
25:04See you later.
25:13See you later.
25:15Well done, Mum.
25:16I heard about your speech.
25:17I'm very proud of you.
25:19Oh, thank you, sweetheart.
25:21Cheer up.
25:22Cheer up.
25:22It may never happen.
25:23I know.
25:23It's fabulous, isn't it?
25:24Cheer up.
25:25It may never happen.
25:26Got me the Prozac campaign now.
25:28Listen, where's Bubble?
25:30Bubble?
25:31Darling, yeah, we're launching it this week.
25:32I want huge billboards.
25:34Depressed?
25:35Don't be.
25:35Unhappiness is an unnatural state, especially around council estates and hospitals, darling.
25:39Everywhere.
25:40Yeah, before the lunch.
25:41All right?
25:41Come in to the office.
25:42Don't panic.
25:43I'll see you in a minute.
25:43Come on, darling.
25:44Let's go for it.
25:44Can we have lunch later?
25:45Yeah, there's a sniff of Joan Collins around Hartley Knicks over there.
25:47That would be a fantastic little new shop.
25:48Is there?
25:49Yes, absolutely.
25:50We'll go there.
25:50There.