- 2 days ago
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00:04So, what's all this in aid of then? It's not Christmas again, is it?
00:09Seems like only yesterday.
00:12Seems like only last year.
00:15Well, it is every year, you know, dear.
00:18It's New Year's Eve.
00:20Oh?
00:21Should old acquaintance be...
00:25Forgot.
00:27Yes, never mind. There's not much meat on this bird, dear.
00:31That could have been you, Gran.
00:34Now, is there anything else you'd like me to do, dear?
00:36Could you rinse these grapes?
00:38Oh, yes.
00:39Are these seedless?
00:40Yes.
00:40I like them. I'd never go back to Pips now.
00:47Not after Sainsbury's seedless, no.
00:55I've got one, you've got one.
00:57Oh, darling.
00:59My New Year's resolution, Sweeney.
01:01To have more fun.
01:04What's yours, Pats?
01:05Oh, well, I think I'll just try to be a little more relaxed.
01:11More relaxed? What is that, dead?
01:14Well, that cancels out my resolution.
01:16The brakes on me.
01:22What's she doing here?
01:23I thought you knew.
01:24Yeah.
01:25Where are you going tonight, Pats?
01:27Darling, as part of my special New Year's Eve treat,
01:30Pats has got a connection that can get us into the hippest club in the universe.
01:33Darling, this club is so hip it isn't even a club.
01:38Goodbye Megatropolis ambient house, darling,
01:41with Red Indian jungle synth catch mama.
01:44Goodbye Babes in Toyland glam ram trashy ambient jazz
01:47with a Dennis the Menace and a couple of black and whites thrown in.
01:50And hello, Frankie Knuckles CD-ROM dance happening, darling.
01:57And you forget your E's and your LSD's.
01:59There's a whole alphabet of leisure drugs available.
02:01Where is it?
02:03Pats?
02:03Underground Car Park in Romsey.
02:07I wondered why you weren't in New York.
02:09Yeah, I mean, that place we used to go to in New York was alright, but you know.
02:12The Karl Lagerfeld bondage rooms at Club 64.
02:16How do you know that?
02:17I'm still on their mailing list.
02:22Pats's little joke last year, darling.
02:26Did you get any of the stuff in there, Cat?
02:28No, if I want flicks and chains, I'll go to Peter Jones.
02:31They'll beat anything, apparently.
02:34You didn't think I'd be here with you, did you, darling?
02:36Hmm?
02:37Well, Mum, yes, I did.
02:39I've got Dad and Oliver coming over, and my friend Sarah, whom you like so much,
02:43and Granny's going to be here, and everyone was really hoping, Mum, that you would be.
02:47I know they'll be heartbroken.
02:49Eddie.
02:49I'm ignoring it.
02:50So do stay, but I won't expect you to break the habit of a lifetime.
02:53Oh!
02:54Darling, that is unfair.
02:56Yeah.
02:57There were times when you were very, very little, darling.
02:59Yes, when...
02:59When...
03:00When what?
03:01When even the dog refused to babysit.
03:05When I was forced to see the New Year in with you.
03:08Never!
03:08You're always pissed by midnight.
03:10Big Ben counted you out.
03:11Big Ben?
03:12Let's get Ben.
03:12Come on, let's crack it in the morning.
03:13Let's get the evening underway.
03:15Yeah!
03:16Come on!
03:17So, this New Year thing.
03:19Am I correct in thinking?
03:21It's when the year goes up one.
03:26That's right, yeah, that's right.
03:28Two?
03:29No, only one, dear.
03:31Two nineteen ninety-five.
03:33You should make a note of that in my pad.
03:37At what time does it occur?
03:40Midnight.
03:40Because I'm always signing checks for you with the wrong date on.
03:45It's clever though, isn't it?
03:46The way it happens.
03:48Regular.
03:49Almost like clockwork.
03:5112 months go by.
03:52Hello!
03:53Hello!
03:53Hello!
03:54Of their own accord.
03:55And behold!
03:57Another year begins.
03:59It knows what it is.
04:01And somehow, as if by magic...
04:03Everyone in the whole world does as well.
04:06The sweet sand passage of time.
04:09What's she driveling on about?
04:11I think it's just clearing a blockage or something.
04:15She's still again now.
04:16I think we're safe.
04:17You!
04:17What are you doing here?
04:18You can go!
04:19You can go!
04:20It'll come to me.
04:22Oh!
04:26Hello?
04:29Oh, Mum, it's Marshall.
04:30Oh, my.
04:31Oh, it never rains, but it pours.
04:32Ex-husband, flash flood.
04:34Hello!
04:35Where is my son?
04:37I told him he should go to you for New Year, but you know what he's like.
04:40He went straight out and applied for a position in Sarajevo.
04:43How are you?
04:45I'm having a great time.
04:47No, the animation was not a major box office.
04:49But we've got into turnaround.
04:51And as a sidebar, let me say I've ankled to Disney and we're developing a relationship.
04:55Oh, he's unemployed again.
04:57Oh, no, no, no.
04:58I'm with someone else.
04:59Describe it to me, Marshall.
05:00Well, why don't I let her describe herself?
05:04Here you are, gorgeous.
05:05Hello?
05:07Hi, my name is Cherish, with a Y.
05:12Well, I work out in West Hollywood with Lorenzo.
05:17I'm 117 pounds on a good day.
05:19Character-wise, I'm kind of borderline shy wild.
05:23I like to surf and turf in that order.
05:26Oh, that's enough now.
05:26Things I like to do are, I like to walk along the beach with the wind in my heart and
05:31meaningful thoughts in the air.
05:33I get really distressed by hatred and violence between peoples, you know, because, like, I think we should all reach
05:38our arms out across the wide oceans.
05:40That's enough now, Cherish.
05:41Because, you know, like the whales, our tongues transcend the wide oceans.
05:45Oh, by the way, I do greetings cards and messages for all occasions.
05:50Births, deaths, reincarnations, coming of spirits.
05:55Well, that's about it, really.
05:57So, nice to speak with you.
05:59Ta-ta.
06:01Chim-chim-a-nee.
06:02El-cha.
06:03Give me your phone now, baby.
06:05Sir.
06:06How come when she put the phone to her ear, all I could hear was the ocean?
06:09Huh?
06:11I am speaking on the telephone.
06:13Oh, excuse us.
06:15Yeah, all right. Happy New Year.
06:16Yeah, I'll see you.
06:18You have a really good sense of humor.
06:21And you have really great tits.
06:25Excuse me.
06:26Excuse me.
06:27Coming through.
06:27Coming through.
06:29How come all my ex-husbands end up with bimbos, hmm?
06:33I see you're on casters these days, darling.
06:35How cute.
06:36You know, I think they're a great way for hauling around big, large, hefty objects, don't you?
06:42If you said that when you arrived, I might have been impressed.
06:44Can you take them off yet, Mum?
06:45No, it's not.
06:46No, I'm afraid to.
06:47I put them on the plane coming back from the Caribbean.
06:49Come on.
06:49My feet swelled.
06:50And I think if you release the pressure, they might explode.
06:52No!
06:53Oh!
06:54Oh!
06:55Oh!
06:56Oh!
06:57Oh!
06:58Oh!
06:58Oh!
06:58Oh, that's all right, actually.
07:00Oh, no, light legs now.
07:01Light legs, light legs.
07:02Hang on.
07:06Fabulous, aren't they?
07:07Hmm?
07:08Pats gave them to me for Christmas.
07:09I gave them to you for Christmas.
07:12Well, I didn't say they were from me.
07:14I just...
07:17I love them, darling.
07:21I think they're gorgeous.
07:22Fabulous.
07:23Darling, did you get that lovely little, um...
07:26Harrod's hamster.
07:29Oh, darling.
07:30Little Harrod's hamster.
07:33Hamper?
07:33Yes.
07:34Hamper.
07:38Not completely useless, you know.
07:40Hmm.
07:41Which reminds me.
07:43I know something.
07:46Oh!
07:47Oh!
07:48Come to me!
07:50Come to me!
07:51Come to me!
07:52Oh!
07:53Oh!
07:54Oh!
07:55Oh!
07:55You!
08:01A sister!
08:02A sister!
08:03A sister!
08:04A sister!
08:05I didn't know that time.
08:05Oh, I didn't know that time.
08:07Oh, yes!
08:08There's more.
08:09She has a name.
08:11Huh?
08:13Her name is...
08:16Duh!
08:18Duh!
08:19Duh!
08:20Duh!
08:21Duh!
08:21Duh!
08:22Duh!
08:22Duh!
08:22Duh!
08:23Duh!
08:23Duh!
08:23Duh!
08:24Duh!
08:24Oh, my God!
08:26How do you know that?
08:26I never told you that.
08:28A sister?
08:28Now, that I would like to see.
08:30Well, you can.
08:30She's coming over in a minute.
08:32In a minute?
08:33How do you know this?
08:34She taxed the office while she were on your holidays.
08:37What do you mean?
08:38Jack's taxed the...
08:38Facts!
08:39Jack's taxed the office.
08:40She's coming tonight.
08:41Oh, not tonight.
08:42Eddie, she's coming here to see me.
08:45Now, what for?
08:45What do you mean, what for?
08:46What's the matter what for?
08:47I mean, it is enough that she's coming here tonight, Eddie.
08:49Oh, not tonight.
08:50Eddie, she can come out with us.
08:51Oh, no doubt.
08:52Eddie, it'll be fantastic.
08:53Jack's out with us.
08:55That'll be fantastic.
08:56This is my night.
08:56Jackie is fabulous on an international scale.
09:00Wherever Jackie is, is the place to be.
09:02I mean, the jet set just follow her like a flock of migrating birds.
09:07You know, the Grimaldis, the Khashogges, the Van Tissens, the Rothschilds.
09:10She must be quite something.
09:12Oh, she is there behind the rich and powerful.
09:15Beside the rich and powerful.
09:17Under the rich and powerful.
09:19Ski runs in Switzerland.
09:21Drug runs in Cuba.
09:23Eddie?
09:23Well, darling, she's a walking syringe, that woman.
09:25Well, at least she had the guts to do it.
09:28When did you last see her?
09:29Oh, er, well, it wasn't so long ago.
09:31It was about running away.
09:31I remember, dear.
09:32It was when she was with that group.
09:34Oh, what was it?
09:35The Beach Boys?
09:36The Beatles?
09:37No, it was the Bader Meinhof.
09:39It's been 20 years ago now, darling.
09:41Well, I can't wait to meet this woman.
09:43God, first time I've ever said that I should imagine.
09:46I hope you are taking her with you tonight.
09:48Well, look, she's hardly likely to stick around here when Frankie Knuckles beckons, is she?
09:52Oh, Ling, does she have to come with us?
09:54Oh, Eddie, it's gonna be a fabulous night.
09:56Jack's with us.
09:57She won't be any trouble, I promise you, darling.
09:59Oh, my honour.
10:01Patsy's honour?
10:02Send out the search party.
10:06Ty one's at «do LAUGHS»
10:07Ty, too…
10:09Ty, »just go home.
10:12Ty, just come in.
10:17Ty, I didn't recognise you.
10:25You've put on weight.
10:27Ty.
10:34I have some luggage.
10:43May I smoke?
10:44Darling, you can do anything you want.
10:46Oh, then I needn't bother to do that.
10:48So, this is Eddie's place.
10:51Not bad.
10:52Not so vulgar as I expected.
10:54Do you like it, Jax?
10:55Close.
10:56What area is this?
10:57Shepherd's bush?
10:58It's Holland Park.
11:03Eddie, Eddie, Jax, hi.
11:04Yes, I remember you.
11:06Another one was ballooned.
11:19So, what is it?
11:20A wax wax museum?
11:23The House of Wax?
11:26I'm sorry, we're going to have to help Patsy here.
11:27She's never entertained on this kind of scale before.
11:30On any scale?
11:31This is my daughter, Safi.
11:33Well, never mind.
11:34Too late to flush her now.
11:35I know.
11:40Hi, I'm Justin, and this is my...
11:42This is Oliver.
11:43Hi.
11:44Men, thank God.
11:46There's nothing I hate more than being in all-female company.
11:49Little does she know.
11:52I'm Safi's father.
11:53Oh, how sweet of you to admit to a thing like that.
11:58Is it very bright in here, or am I badly lit?
12:02Oh, my darling.
12:04That's not possible.
12:05No.
12:06Jax, just have a seat, darling.
12:08We're going to have a little quick drink, and then pop off to this club.
12:11Oh, see, pop off to this club.
12:15So, 20 years.
12:18Oh, is it?
12:19Oh, yes, it was just before our mother died.
12:22So, how was the funeral?
12:24Oh.
12:25You know, not bad.
12:26She was dead, wasn't she?
12:29And then it was great.
12:30Any of the others there?
12:31Oh, no, I was the only family.
12:33What's that supposed to mean?
12:34Oh, nothing.
12:35I mean, I didn't expect you to be there, Jax.
12:36How many of you are there?
12:37I don't know much about Patsy's family.
12:39Well, why should you?
12:40You deserve to be kept in the dark.
12:41My...
12:43My God, if you were mine, I'd go one step further and put a bag over your head.
12:48I'm going downstairs.
12:50I can't take the heat.
12:51She puts you in the shade.
12:53You have very poor reproduction.
12:55So, how many of there are you?
12:57Brothers and sisters, I mean.
12:58Nobody knows.
12:59Our mother gave birth like a giant sprinkler, scattering bastard babies to the forefathers of
13:04the girls.
13:05Oh, nicely put.
13:07Do you, uh, did you have the same father?
13:10No one knows.
13:11Mother was such a slut.
13:12They could have been any of the men in any of the bars in France.
13:16You know, she was always the entertainment.
13:18Before slot machines.
13:19She was the slot machine.
13:23So, uh, so, uh, who's the older, I mean, I mean, the big, bigger sister?
13:31I am.
13:34So, uh, you both look so great.
13:39How old are you?
13:44I'm 41.
13:46Excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom a moment.
13:50It's upstairs to the left.
13:52Don't just wander about.
13:54Well, I think she's wonderful.
13:55Wonderful.
13:56God, you two are so predictable, aren't you?
13:58I mean, a bitch with a drug habit in your anybodies, aren't you?
14:03Marlena and Judy rolled into one for you, is it?
14:06Get her to tell you the Dietrich stories.
14:08No, no, darling.
14:10It's just the whole of Carnegie Hall.
14:12We'll be here all night.
14:13Why clever doing all this?
14:15It's not all me.
14:16The salads are Delia Smith's.
14:20Does she know you've got them?
14:25Anyway, I prefer to stay down here out of the firing line.
14:28In the trenches?
14:29Yes.
14:37Anything I can do, dear?
14:38No, that's fine, Gran.
14:41Are you still here?
14:42Oh, gosh.
14:43She's got to have a toilet again.
14:44I can't believe what that woman said to me.
14:46Yeah, well, she's witty.
14:47I'll give her that.
14:49What gives her the right to treat people like that, Mum?
14:52She's thin.
14:57Are you okay, Jack?
14:58Yes?
14:59You've got everything you need.
15:00I mean, I've got a little stash if you need something softer.
15:03Toilet paper?
15:05No, I mean, a little something.
15:06You know, next time you need to use the bathroom.
15:08You know, freshen up a little.
15:11Oh, no, darling.
15:12I don't do that anymore.
15:14Well, no, I just needed the loo.
15:16I have a little bladder problem at the moment.
15:19Do you have anything to eat?
15:21To?
15:22Eat.
15:24But, Jacks, we're just about to go out.
15:25I have to eat something.
15:26I have to eat something.
15:36Um, Eddie.
15:38Darling, I'm ready to go.
15:39Oh, right.
15:39What's my secrets?
15:40What's that?
15:40Yes, darling, we'll be going soon.
15:41But look, Eddie, there's no rush about this.
15:43This is not the sort of club that you arrive at early.
15:46Now, let's be cool about it, babe.
15:48The thing is that, um...
15:50What?
15:50Jack's is...
15:51Oh, Jack's what?
15:51Oh, Jack's what?
15:52Not I.
15:53Mm-hmm.
15:54I'm feeling a little peckish.
15:59So, have you got any of those, um, food things?
16:06Oh, jeez.
16:22Delicious.
16:25All right, darling.
16:27All right.
16:34Happy New Year's Eve.
16:35Oh, shush, shush, shush.
16:36Happy New Year's Eve.
16:41Are you all right, Gran?
16:43Oh, yes, dear.
16:45So, uh, who are we this evening, then?
16:47Oh, well, it's just us, and Dad and Oliver and Sarah.
16:50Oh, I was rather hoping you'd start with me, dear.
16:53Who am I?
16:56A sea tank book.
16:59Or a film.
17:02What pills are you taking, Gran?
17:04Only these, dear.
17:10Oh, let's see.
17:11You know, I have a theory that all Englishmen are gay.
17:15If only.
17:19I'm not English.
17:20Won't you?
17:21No, I'm Canadian.
17:22My God, you'll admit to that as well, will you?
17:25Well, the midnight hour creeps closer.
17:28Do you have any, uh, resolutions, Jackie?
17:30Well, I think just to resist the surgeon's knife for yet another year.
17:35That's right.
17:38So, you two are in antiques.
17:41You know, I don't, uh, I don't know very much about antiques.
17:44Antiques.
17:49The only Chippendale I ever sat on had two legs.
17:55She's eating put-pourri.
17:57Let her.
17:58Jack's crisper here, darling.
17:59I know, and they're disgusting.
18:01Don't you have any decent food in the house?
18:04No.
18:06You know, apparently Faye Dunaway had her favourite dog made into a pair of boots when it died.
18:13Well, that's nothing to Jack's.
18:14She had her second husband made into a small cagoule when he died.
18:19Oh, don't be ridiculous.
18:20A cagoule?
18:21Who ever heard of such a thing?
18:23It was a small, wasted evening jacket with Chanel buttons.
18:28As in life, he was a tight fit that never suited me better.
18:31Is everybody finished?
18:32Yes, it was wonderful.
18:34Oh, food like that is one of the reasons I live in France.
18:37Stay there.
18:39Excuse me, I just have to go to the bathroom to touch up something.
18:47Come on.
18:48Let's go wash it in the toilet.
18:49Eddie, Eddie, come on, darling.
18:50You'll be dying in a moment.
18:51Oh, look, you know Jack, she's just warming up.
18:52She told me, look, pick me up.
18:53Oh, come on.
18:54Oh, Eddie, come on, remember, remember.
18:55Look, you remember that fantastic song by Jack Brel, you know, that Scott Walker song?
18:58Well, it was written for her.
18:59And if someday I should become a singer with a Spanish...
19:02Oh, stop it.
19:03...cugured in a stupid airswitch.
19:05Stop it.
19:05You're worse if I could, woman, then stop it.
19:07It could be for only one hour...
19:08Hey!
19:09Ah!
19:10Someone's yakking up into toilet upstairs.
19:15Can you get them to start?
19:16We can't hear.
19:17Telly.
19:18Oh, my God!
19:20Well, how else do you think she stays so fantastically thin?
19:23I mean, it's a perfectly normal thing to do.
19:25I mean, royalty, for God's sake, you know?
19:27I mean, I'd do it if I still could.
19:31Why can't she?
19:32Her bypass.
19:34A heart bypass?
19:35Your stomach, darling.
19:41You've got everything you need, Jax.
19:43It's just that, you know, we should be on our way if we want to make a night of it.
19:46No, darling, you go without me.
19:49I'll stay here.
19:50I'm just looking for some hand cream.
19:54It is a pretty fabulous place.
19:55Pats, I'm too tired.
19:59But it's been very nice to see family again.
20:03Well, it's good to see you again, Jax.
20:05Thanks for taking the time to drop by.
20:06Well, it's nice to see you too, Pats.
20:10I like your hair.
20:12Do you?
20:13Yes.
20:14It's lovely.
20:16Yeah, well, it grew back pretty well, actually.
20:39Kids, huh?
20:40Yeah.
20:42And sisters.
20:45But you were always the lucky one, Pats.
20:48Lucky?
20:49Well, yes, I know you've ended up a childless spinster.
20:52But at least our mother loved you.
20:55Did she?
20:55Well, you went to live with her, didn't you?
20:57She sent you to school, didn't she?
20:59Yeah, but by the time I got to kindergarten, I was bigger than the teacher.
21:02Darling, you went.
21:04My God.
21:05I was ripped from her body and thrown into the Paris gutter.
21:08She didn't give birth.
21:10She had something removed.
21:11Take it away and bring me another lover.
21:15It was my birth.
21:16Darling, she only had one story.
21:19But, Pats, look, you've done all right.
21:20You've got this friend.
21:22Yeah, but, Jax, you've got the life.
21:23Yes, but, darling, listen.
21:25You've got your friend, Eddie, and this house.
21:28Yeah?
21:32I don't think Eddie likes me.
21:34Well, don't worry about it, Jax.
21:36I mean, why should you care?
21:37She likes you, though.
21:39Do you think so?
21:40Do you think Eddie would mind if I stayed here for a couple of months?
21:45Come on.
21:45I don't have anywhere to live at the moment.
21:47Ask her for me, will you?
21:49Yeah, but, Jax, what about Paris and Saint-Tropez?
21:51Now, darling, that was 20 years ago.
21:53The wives got the houses, not the hookers.
21:56I need some money and a place to live.
21:58I've got this little scheme going with a friend in France,
22:01and until it gets underway, I need some help.
22:03Yeah, a little scheme, a little something, a little, uh...
22:06A little refuge for stray cats and dogs.
22:10Yeah, sure, like, what?
22:11For cats on crack, you know?
22:13No, it's for cats and dogs.
22:17Oh, no, no, no, Jax, no, no, no.
22:19Not the woman who smoked opium with chairman.
22:21And Che Guevara.
22:23Just a little unwanted one.
22:25Who was there when Nereiff defected,
22:26who introduced Jackie to O.
22:28Some of those little guys have only got one eye.
22:31Who made Dylan go electric.
22:32No, this woman does not run a pet hotel.
22:34Oh, darling, if you could only see their little faces.
22:38Oh, no, Jax, no!
22:43Mum, why don't you come upstairs and watch TV with us?
22:48Because I should be having fun.
22:52Oh, God, Jax, remember how it used to be?
22:55And of course you're tired, darling.
22:56Everyone gets tired, but just have a little sniff,
22:58and you'll be OK, you know?
22:59Darling, I just have to get the suitcase now.
23:02But, Jax, Jax, remember Brel and Serge Galsborg?
23:05Those guys didn't even get out of bed till two in the morning.
23:07Darling, don't talk to me.
23:07Darling, don't you remember you used to say,
23:08never conform.
23:09Look, look at my little baby.
23:10Sammy's cat, you used to wear those, Jax.
23:13Jax used to say hi to my contradictions.
23:15Oh, I know, darling.
23:16Jax, there's a whole night out there just waiting to be lived.
23:18Oh, darling, remember if I could be for only and I'll...
23:22Too cute in a stupid-ass way.
23:24Oh, Jax, come out to us tonight.
23:26Darling, I can get you drugs, I can get you surgeons,
23:28I can get you money.
23:29We have our whole lives ahead of us, Jax.
23:33Pads, I'm 72.
23:38I'm 72.
23:43Oh, my God, what does that make me, then?
23:52Eddie.
23:55She is still here, and so am I.
23:59You have failed on all counts now, Pads.
24:03This is going down as the worst New Year's Eve on record.
24:10I am now being taken into the sitting room
24:16to watch the New Year Inn on telly.
24:20That, in my book, darling, is about as low as you can go.
24:24Sorry, Eddie, I'm sorry.
24:25I mean, I just can't believe, darling,
24:27that you value that tight-ass, viper-tongued, thin-lips,
24:31talking hypodermic over our friendship, darling.
24:33No, but I don't, Eddie.
24:35It's just that she's got me in this moral dilemma.
24:39Pads?
24:39Yes, sir?
24:40You have no morals, darling.
24:50Still, I would sing my song to me
24:52about the time they called me Shacky.
24:54If I could be for only an hour,
24:58if I could be for an hour every day,
25:01then if I could be for just one little hour,
25:05a cute-cute in a stupid-ass way.
25:10And if I joined the social world,
25:12became procurer of young girls,
25:14then I would have my own models.
25:17My record would be number one,
25:19and I'd sing records by the time also...
25:21See you, Jax.
25:22Yes, see you, Patson.
25:24Thanks for everything.
25:26I shall be at Claridge's if you need me.
25:28Okay, babe.
25:29Here you are.
25:30No, no, darling, I don't do that anymore.
25:33Take it anyway.
25:34Do me a favor.
25:35Go out with a bang.
25:47Look, Pats, my little darlings.
26:02Eddie, she's gone.
26:03It's okay, Eddie, we can go now.
26:04Come on, Eddie.
26:04Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, she's gone.
26:06She's...
26:16Happy New Year.
26:18Happy New Year.
26:21That's it, then.
26:22I'll be off.