- 2 days ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:11So I went on to this bar and I wasn't really hammered, which was mad, and I'm going,
00:16WAIT!
00:17And I just went, WAIT!
00:21So funny.
00:23And then I went on to this other bar, I saw this vomit on my shoe.
00:31And then I vomit on myself, and they're all cracking up, and I'm going, SHUT UP AND GET THE BASS
00:37IN!
00:38Anywho, I'm thinking, well, it would be rude, I don't have to, so I didn't know that.
00:43And I don't remember anything about the hour after that, which was just brilliant, so...
00:47And then...
01:04Come on, swim, Eddie, swim!
01:07Turn that off, I'm only in here because I want to pee!
01:10Turn it off!
01:14Do you want a prawn, Eddie?
01:15Oh, yeah.
01:16I need a bit of prawn.
01:21You can always get your toes sewn together, Eddie, help you swim.
01:25I love my new bottom.
01:27Is this the shower I told you to buy?
01:28Oh, yeah, darling.
01:29That baby rocks, let me tell you.
01:31So that is a shower, a sauna, a massage, a pillotation, exfoliation, sound system.
01:36It's fantastic.
01:38It gives you a full wash and wax, and it polishes your hubcaps at the same time.
01:42You've got to be careful with the wax cycle, though.
01:45Came out yesterday, I'd been bearded by my pubes.
01:51That's the seeing eye toilet, that one.
01:52Oh, yeah?
01:53Yeah, it gives you a full wash and dry, tests you for diabetes.
01:56In Bangkok, you can get one that inserts a cigarette.
02:01Fantastic.
02:02Oh, what happened?
02:04You moved, darling.
02:05I haven't moved since 1973.
02:13Darling, did I tell you it's got internet access and a video phone as well?
02:17Eddie?
02:18Yeah?
02:18Eddie, look, can I get away with this mouth?
02:26Only in LA, darling.
02:27It's bleeding a little around the edges.
02:29It's hemorrhaging.
02:30Oh, damn.
02:31I'll have to see the collagen man today.
02:33Eddie, I might have to use you as a donor.
02:35I don't think I've got enough left.
02:37My arse on your face.
02:39Darling, come on, hurry up.
02:40We've got a lot to do today.
02:41We're on the razz.
02:42Who knows when that little bitch troll from hell is going to turn up?
02:45Towels, towels.
02:45I haven't...
02:46I haven't heard anything from Saffy, darling.
02:48We've got to burn every day as if it's our last babe.
02:51We've got to saddle up the wild stallions and ride them out.
02:54Yeah, sure.
02:59Are you still doing my feet?
03:00I'm hungry and just crabberless.
03:02Oh, nice!
03:05Oh, what's that?
03:06Well, that'll be your turn.
03:12Light oak, antique pine.
03:14You don't like this.
03:15No, no.
03:16What's that shiny one?
03:17Patent leather.
03:18That's for bodybuilders.
03:20What about this one?
03:21The Donatella collection?
03:22Yeah.
03:23But what about the crocodiles?
03:24That's Valentino.
03:25I think we want...
03:26I think we want winter Donatella.
03:28That one.
03:28That one.
03:30Oh, right.
03:31Stand against the wall, please.
03:33I hope you're better at this than you're at Saint Tropez.
03:36It's hard to tell how many coats a pasty white pudding like you will need.
03:39Was it too bad?
03:40I'll just say I narrowly avoided two arranged marriages and an audition for Bombay dreams.
03:45Am I doing just the phase?
03:47No, no, all over ready.
03:48With or without pants?
03:50Oh, with pants.
03:51I don't mind having a mark.
03:52Without.
03:55Pants off.
04:01Right.
04:02I'll need a bigger nozzle.
04:10Any last words?
04:12Yes.
04:15Well, that's a good shade, Eddie.
04:17Eddie.
04:18Eddie, pants off.
04:19I've got my pants off.
04:23Lift the belly up, dear, so I can get under.
04:25You don't want to look like marble cake.
04:29Come on, lift it, lift it.
04:31Now turn around, pull everything apart.
04:36Where's that daughter of yours?
04:37Still away in Iraq?
04:38Yeah, we think so.
04:39Keep turning, kebab woman.
04:42What was it you want to do?
04:43I keep trying to remember to tell all my friends.
04:46Human shield.
04:47Just spray.
04:48Are you going anywhere nice on your holiday this year?
04:51Oh, shut up.
04:53It's customer service.
04:54I am trained, you know.
04:57Okay.
04:58You're done.
05:02There, you're ready.
05:03Told you it was the best.
05:07Something about your arse, Eddie.
05:09Come on, darling.
05:10I'm wearing the shaping pants.
05:12Yeah, for what shape?
05:13I mean, you know, it doesn't look as if buttock is in their repertoire.
05:15Oh, stop it.
05:16There's an old pulley system here.
05:17I have to tighten them up here.
05:19If I wear them any higher, I'll be using them as a headrest.
05:24Anyway, I got a good bum, ain't I?
05:26I don't want a very big fat bum like J-Lo, do I, darling?
05:30I mean, how high have that woman's heels got to keep that Nancy off the pavement now?
05:36Oh, why is it just a mess in here still?
05:39I want to book a cleaner.
05:40I booked a cleaner.
05:41I booked a cleaner every day for the last six months, darling.
05:43It's just no one turns up.
05:45Why would it just go?
05:46Well, you could always go to Jeremy's penthouse.
05:48Huh?
05:48He was going to be in Tokyo indefinitely.
05:50He gave me the keys.
05:50Who's running the shop?
05:51I am.
05:52I did that little management course, you know.
05:54Buy, sell, hire and fire.
05:57You know, the secret is, Eddie, is you've got to hire people while they're still in awe of you,
06:00treat them like shit, and then sack them before they despise you.
06:02That's fantastic.
06:06Very nice to do my new telly, darling.
06:09Journalist and presenter, Katie Grin.
06:11Thank you, Fern.
06:15Oh, shit.
06:16Katie, you've got this new book out called My Iraq, an account.
06:20Yes, but it's called My Iraq.
06:22Really, it's a collection of reminiscences from various journalists and members of the public.
06:26Because you, of course, were sent out to be embedded with the troops.
06:29But then you never quite made it.
06:30Yes, well, I'd just landed in Kuwait and was giving my first report back for GMTV when the elasticated toggle
06:38on the bottom of my fatigues, which you have to pull tight to stop your pants spinning with sand, got
06:43caught in the caterpillar tracks of a passing American tank.
06:50I was pulled under.
06:51I think, actually, we've got that clip.
06:53If you have a look at this, it'll actually take us through.
06:55Good morning, Eamon!
06:57And as you can see, I'm here again!
07:04Can you believe I still represent that woman?
07:07She stepped in my ass like an old barnacle.
07:10What else have you got?
07:11Oh, darling, it's just baby spice queen Nuh and the cast of Cutting It now.
07:16Lulu?
07:16No, she left me, darling.
07:18She said she despised me.
07:19She just sacked her.
07:20I'm out.
07:21Oh, darling, don't talk about that.
07:22Don't even think about it.
07:23No talk of work today.
07:25Today, darling, we're going to give ourselves some big treats.
07:27Today, we're going to have some serious fun.
07:28Yes, darling.
07:29Like yesterday.
07:30Yesterday was serious fun, wasn't it?
07:31In fact, darling, every day since Safi's been gone has been serious fun, hasn't it?
07:34It's fantastic.
07:35We can do anything we want.
07:36Yeah, we can, darling, because nothing is naughty if your teacher ain't here.
07:40Nothing.
07:40Hey.
07:41Nothing is a sin.
07:43We are in paradise.
07:44Yeah.
07:44We are eating of the forbidden fruit.
07:46Yeah, darling.
07:47Forbidden fruit every day is just a pick and mixer.
07:49All you're going to eat is 50 cents of forbidden fruit, isn't it, darling?
07:52Yeah.
07:54Yeah.
07:55It's just...
07:56Darling, don't you think the forbidden fruit used to taste a little bit sweeter when Safi was
08:01here?
08:05I don't know.
08:05I just think sometimes you need a little soup-sarve guilt to make carte blanche depravity taste
08:09that little bit better.
08:10I don't know.
08:10I don't know.
08:13No, you're right, Eddie.
08:15Darling, you should be at work.
08:17You've got bread to win.
08:18You've got meetings to organise.
08:19You've got to get back in the loop.
08:21It's got to be hard graft, darling.
08:22Nine to five, 24-7.
08:27But darling, I could do something with you this morning and then have my meetings in the
08:30afternoon.
08:31No.
08:31No.
08:31It is forbidden.
08:34But darling, but that's only half a day.
08:36And you know, darling, this time in my life ain't going to last forever, is it, darling?
08:38You are not on flexi-time, Eddie.
08:40We have no manianas.
08:41Yes, we have no manianas, darling.
08:42But half a day, whole day, what does it matter?
08:44Hmm?
08:44No, darling, it's wrong.
08:45I deserve this.
08:45It's me time.
08:46It's my time.
08:47I want you.
08:51You deserve nothing.
08:54It is forbidden to have breakfast at Patisserie Valerie.
09:04That'd be very naughty.
09:05It's forbidden.
09:06That'd be very naughty.
09:07Very naughty.
09:09Oh, let's go!
09:10Oh, let's go!
09:11Oh, let's go!
09:12Oh, let's go!
09:12We have to do something about the tits.
09:14Yeah, we'll do something about my tits.
09:16Come on, Eddie.
09:17I'll put more of these little chicken fillets in.
09:19Yeah, but you need to put these in as well, darling.
09:20Oh, let me get more of them.
09:21Oh, let me get more of them.
09:22Oh, let me get more of them.
09:23Oh, there we are.
09:24That's good, that's good, isn't it?
09:25Arsepert, titspert.
09:26Yeah, darling, I'm going to push me, pull you off pert.
09:30What's that?
09:31Well, that's a Hummer.
09:32I got it for Jeremy on approval.
09:33Yeah.
09:34Yeah, no, cancel.
09:35No bubble.
09:35Cancel that.
09:36No, I'm not going in the office today.
09:37Cancel it.
09:38Cancel it.
09:38Cancel it.
09:38Can't do that.
09:39It's the answer, darling.
09:44Oh, I don't know.
09:48Can't hear what you're saying, Eddie.
09:49Little...
09:51Little breakfast in solo.
09:53Oh, dear.
09:55Sniff round, agent provocateur.
09:57Slide down Bond Street, a little McQueen.
09:59Yeah.
10:00Hermes.
10:01Asbury's.
10:02It's called bubbles.
10:03No, Eddie.
10:05No, Eddie.
10:05Speak quickly, darling.
10:06Just give him a quick call, darling.
10:07Quick call.
10:08No, no, no, no, no.
10:09Oh.
10:15Oh.
10:16Oh, that was yours.
10:20Oh, I'll come now.
10:21Can you turn around?
10:22I've got to go to the office.
10:23Oh, no, Eddie.
10:24I've got to go, darling.
10:25Oh.
10:29Wait here.
10:31Oh.
10:33Oh.
10:43Oh.
10:44Oh, no, you're like a jelly baby.
10:47Right, I'm here, Bubble.
10:48I'm here.
10:48Did you get baby everything she needs, darling?
10:50Hm?
10:51Hi, baby.
10:53Not baby.
10:54Bye, baby Bunton.
10:56What?
10:56What did she say?
10:57My name is Emma.
10:58Emma.
10:58I'm an alcoholic.
10:59Oh.
11:01Oh, that's not funny.
11:03That's not funny.
11:04Sorry, darling, but Emma.
11:06Did you meet Patsy?
11:07Patsy Stone?
11:08She runs Jeremy's.
11:09Yeah, I'm a stylist.
11:10Yeah, she does everyone. Mini driver.
11:13Stylist?
11:14Oh, I'm too rich and famous to ask for free clothes myself.
11:18Will you do it? Will you be my stylist?
11:22Well, excuse me, but I thought we were supposed to be having a meeting.
11:25We're still having a meeting.
11:27You're too dumb and dummers waiting for you downstairs.
11:30What?
11:31Downstairs, click-clop.
11:34Eddie, I won't be long.
11:35Come on.
11:38Since when has your office been in your house?
11:40Oh, darling, no one has a proper office anymore.
11:42You know, my work is me. It's called cocooning.
11:45Everything is me. I am my own desk. I am my own filing cabinet.
11:48Everything is stored in me.
11:50In your cheeks, by the look of it.
11:54I'm multitasking by myself. Parts of me are taking a memo as we speak.
11:58Well, then, could part of you get on with this?
12:00Yeah, of course, darling, darling. Of course.
12:02For the...
12:04Bem...
12:05Emma, Emma, Emma, darling. Yes, of course, darling.
12:08But what's a new stuff coming in for your bubble?
12:09Read the list.
12:10Do you want to press the lotto button?
12:12No.
12:14Celebrity millionaire?
12:15No.
12:16Celebrity weakest link?
12:17No.
12:18Celebrity fat farm?
12:20Celebrity rehab?
12:21Celebrity junk search?
12:23Celebrity wannabe?
12:23Celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity, celebrity.
12:26Celebrity or die with Donna Eyre?
12:28No, darling.
12:29No, no, no.
12:30Nothing with celebrity in it.
12:32Well, you're limiting yourself, frankly.
12:34But here's a good one.
12:36Do you want to go into Chicago?
12:38I did six months in Chicago.
12:40Did you?
12:41Did you?
12:42No, the show, darling.
12:43Not the Windy City.
12:44Yes, I know.
12:45And you never came.
12:47Oh, here's a good one.
12:48Do you want to go on holiday in a camper van with Tamsin Althwaite?
12:50Oh, no, no.
12:50That's just an offer.
12:51That's not a programme.
12:52Hang on.
12:53Oh, I hope you haven't burnt your spice millions.
12:57You know what I think, darling?
12:58Off the top of my head.
12:59You need to get some more music going.
13:00You need to get a single out there, you know?
13:03I have got a single out.
13:04Have you?
13:06Yeah, we knew that.
13:08Well, sing it, then.
13:22Come on.
13:23Sing anything I've ever done.
13:28Oh, come on.
13:29I can't remember that stupid.
13:30You've done all the trouble with yours.
13:32You're not kind of giving me anything.
13:33You know, if you want something from the Tams,
13:35you've got to give them something back.
13:37You're just kind of flatlining nice and sweet, aren't you?
13:40And they want a little bit of a heartbeat.
13:42They don't want to know your mum's your best friend, do they?
13:46They want it to be some one-armed lesbian asylum seeker.
13:50They want the full cellulite shots.
13:52They want a 40-in-the-bed perv orgy with your spice mates.
13:56They want your mainlining, arm-jacking, smack-crack nightmare, darling.
14:01They want you filleted and splayed on the butcher's block
14:05so they can photograph all your organs for Heat magazine.
14:09I, frankly, for once, I would like to see you foaming at the mouth,
14:13stinking of piss in the gutter.
14:15With this.
14:17With this little thumb stuck up just in Timberlake's arse
14:21and you wearing nothing but a Gucci belt.
14:27No.
14:30I think all we've got left is minging or blinging with Jerry, so...
14:35Listen, hold on a minute.
14:36You were supposed to be getting me something new,
14:38something interesting, something different.
14:40Yes.
14:40She's put you in for the Eurovision song, can't she?
14:42No, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't, I haven't.
14:45And she's written the song.
14:46I haven't, I haven't, no, darling, no, I haven't, I haven't.
14:48That's a lie, that's a lie.
14:51I'm going to think of something else, something brilliant.
14:54Hang on, hang on, hang on.
14:56Oh, it's so good to get away from the shop just to get some food.
15:00So, are you going to tell her?
15:03Give Patsy a piece of it?
15:04My mind, yes, I'm holding it furious.
15:06In a rage?
15:08She leaves everything to us and we're not up to it.
15:12Not putting up with it.
15:15And your chocolate idea.
15:17Oh, right, yes, well, I'll run that by her.
15:19No, I've got you to want to see me about, I'm very busy.
15:22Oh, right.
15:26Well, that was you, wasn't it?
15:28No, you were the one in a funk.
15:32You were going to have it out with her.
15:35Well.
15:36No, you were going to tell her that she wasn't pulling her weight.
15:41And if things didn't improve, you were going to talk to Jeremy.
15:45Jeremy.
15:47Talk to Jeremy.
15:49I was having a very bad period.
15:55Mutious.
15:55Tell her about your chocolate fries here.
15:59Oh, right.
16:00Well.
16:01Just near where we sell the sunglasses.
16:02One whiff of a cocoa bean and our customers would fly like vampires before garlic.
16:06Jeremy's must remain a sterile oasis, free from street eaters and coffee carriers.
16:13Aseptic and razor sharp as our customers' hip bones.
16:17These women shop for lunch.
16:20Labels are their only sustenance.
16:22Their skeleton legs in the Manolo Blahniks have worn trenches down the pavements of Sloan Street.
16:29I understand the uber-rich sinews with just enough muscle left in their arm to lift up a credit card.
16:37Keep it clean.
16:39No chocolate.
16:41Genius.
16:42Have I made myself perfectly clear?
16:44As ice?
16:44Yeah.
16:44Transparent.
16:46And if you ever try anything like this again, I will kill you.
17:00I've got it.
17:01I've got it.
17:02All right.
17:02Here we go.
17:03Here we go.
17:03Here we go.
17:04A documentary.
17:05Good one.
17:06On or with Queen Noor.
17:12Noor again.
17:13She tries to fob her off to everyone.
17:15That's why Lulu left.
17:16No, no, no, no, no.
17:19Who's Queen Noor?
17:20No, Noor.
17:20It's not Noor.
17:21Queen Noor.
17:22Oh, oh.
17:23All right.
17:24Look again.
17:25Have you had a really bad tit job?
17:36It's just these little things that Patsy puts in.
17:39So I can see how big I want them if I do want a tit job.
17:41They're pretty good, aren't they?
17:43I love these babies.
17:43Get some looks, I can tell you.
17:45I bet they do.
17:47Especially with your streaky fake tan.
17:50I think it's pathetic.
17:52You've got no self-control, no willpower.
17:55She's like a smoking beagle to Patsy's vivisectionist.
17:58Shut up.
18:00Look at this place.
18:02It's sad.
18:03It's a pad.
18:04I've seen downstairs.
18:06It's squalid and revolting.
18:08It's like two winos have been squatting here.
18:10Oh.
18:12When's Safi back?
18:13I mean, why would you care?
18:14We went to school together and she was a brilliant head girl.
18:16And I hate the fact that she might have to come back to this.
18:20Oh, come on.
18:20Lighten up there, little junior prefect.
18:23On the pages of the days.
18:24Huh?
18:26She comes.
18:29What is she saying?
18:30She says she knows when Safi's coming home.
18:32What?
18:33Ask her when.
18:34When?
18:35On the paper days.
18:36The paper days.
18:38What?
18:38It's on the calendar.
18:40Oh, she's channeling you.
18:41She's channeling you.
18:43Why haven't you changed the date?
18:45It happens anyway.
18:46Sun comes up.
18:48Sun goes down.
18:50Oh, God.
18:53Safi is coming home today.
18:55Oh!
18:57Oh!
19:06You have to turn it on, not just make the noise.
19:13Come on, guys.
19:14We haven't got long.
19:16I don't understand where it goes.
19:17It doesn't say where it goes.
19:19You spray and wipe.
19:24And you, you're not doing anything.
19:26Put that in the drawer.
19:28It's funny how you can lose things and not know where they've gone.
19:33We've got some pens.
19:34We've got sellotape.
19:35We've got some old pins.
19:36Yeah, I'm going to try out all these pens and see which ones work and which ones don't.
19:39Then I can throw away the bad ones and all the way.
19:41We've got quite a lot of money in here.
19:43We've got lots of money in here, Eddie.
19:44We've got dimes.
19:45We've got francs.
19:45We just chuck them in the bin.
19:47No, Eddie.
19:48Eddie, this is money.
19:49You can't throw it away.
19:49We need a little container to put it in.
19:51We've got a little something from a cornflake packet.
19:53Oh, is it a footballer?
19:55No, it's Ian McKellen.
19:56Oh, don't throw him away, darling.
19:57I like him.
19:58I was going to collect the whole set, but I went off honeypops.
20:00You've got lots of dead matches.
20:01Well, chuck him.
20:02Chuck him.
20:02No, no, no, darling, because the strike is still good.
20:05We'll take the strike off.
20:06Yeah, we'll get away the container.
20:07We'll take the strike off.
20:09Eddie, I'll tell you what we need here.
20:10We need a little piece of furniture, darling.
20:12We need little slots down the side.
20:13You can put everything neatly down there.
20:14And then lots and lots of little drawers, so you can put things in the little drawers.
20:17Darling, darling, darling, darling.
20:18Darling, darling, darling.
20:19We're going to have to go shopping.
20:20Oh.
20:21We're going to have to go shopping, because we need some magazines, so we can find someone
20:24to do this for us.
20:24To put it, so then we can get someone to do this.
20:26What are they two doing?
20:28We can't go on until we've got new pieces of furniture designed for here, so we're just
20:31going to...
20:32I found a puppet!
20:33Oh, that's my puppet!
20:35That's my puppet!
20:37I did it!
20:38That's my puppet!
20:39It's just the flick it isn't working!
20:42Well, everybody just get this place sorted.
20:43I seem to be the only one doing anything around here.
20:47And just for once, do you think, just for once, you could do something and get it done?
20:56Ooh!
20:59A little change of image now, isn't it?
21:03A little flip-flop there.
21:05From girl power to buckle under, isn't it?
21:10You lie, you and your little generation.
21:12You think you're so cool and so badass, don't you, hmm?
21:16Well, you and your little Miss Dynamite-y-hees.
21:18Do you know what you are, darling?
21:19Do you know what you are?
21:20New Puritans!
21:21That's what you are.
21:22God!
21:23In my day, people actually said something.
21:25Well, real rebels screaming something, darling.
21:27What the?
21:28I mean, you're looking at someone here who actually burned her bra.
21:30Oh, well, it was still on.
21:34Well, you know, now it's all, do this, do that, be good, be safe, don't be naughty.
21:40From zig-a-zig-a to house-proud house-proud.
21:44Look at you.
21:46If you think I'm going to take that kind of shit off a sweaty overeater the colour of an
21:54old man scrotum, then you have got another thing coming.
22:03Are we keeping old corks?
22:09Can we have this little sass home, little sass home?
22:12Here she is.
22:13Stay back.
22:14Sit.
22:14You sit.
22:15Get down.
22:16Here she is.
22:17Who is it, that stranger?
22:18Is it Odysseus Returned from the Sea?
22:20It's Sappy, dear.
22:22Recognised only by his old dying dog.
22:24I know it's sick.
22:24Give your gran a kiss.
22:26Oh, hello, gran.
22:27How are you?
22:28I'm a down.
22:29How are you?
22:30I'm really well.
22:32Mum!
22:33I know, it's all changed, isn't it, darling?
22:34Do you like it?
22:35Everything we need is here now.
22:36We don't have to use the stairs, upy-downy.
22:39Yeah, but wait till you see upstairs.
22:41Yeah, we shouldn't need to sit down.
22:42What's happened upstairs?
22:43Nothing's happened upstairs.
22:45Come on, have you got photos?
22:46Tell us all about it, darling.
22:47Were you a shield?
22:49No.
22:50I was a humanitarian aid worker.
22:52Oh, she was a humanitarian aid worker.
22:54Eddie, I'm going.
22:56Come on, darling.
22:56I'll see you later.
22:57It's nice to see some of the old fixtures and fittings are still here.
23:01It's a funny little patsy, darling.
23:02She's rusted in, isn't she?
23:05Have a look in that drawer.
23:06And try to keep it that way.
23:13Well, then, everyone go.
23:14Come on.
23:16There's a lap pull in her bedroom.
23:18And Sutton Hussein's feet in her office, which is now upstairs.
23:21I'll see you later.
23:23Yes, I think I'll be going too, dear.
23:25Let you get some rest.
23:26I can tell something's brewing.
23:29No.
23:29What?
23:29I'll see you tomorrow, Saffy.
23:31Oh, goodness gracious me.
23:33Oh, stop it.
23:42Oh, darling.
23:43Oh, look at you, sweetheart.
23:45You look so well.
23:46Got a little tan, don't we?
23:48Oh, a mark.
23:49Look at that, darling.
23:50What a cheeky girl.
23:52Look at your brown hands as well, sweetheart.
23:54Oh, darling.
23:55Almost to the elbow.
23:56That's a record, isn't it?
23:58Nice to have you home, darling.
24:00I'm going to get you a drink, sweetheart.
24:01Here we go.
24:03Should we get my video phone messages?
24:05Yes.
24:05One of you drunk, naked in the shower.
24:07One of you nostrils.
24:08And a couple of the darkest recesses of your inner ear.
24:11Listen, sweetheart, here we go.
24:13Pop.
24:14Cheers, Quink.
24:15About the pool.
24:16I don't care about it.
24:17No, no, but since your little friend brought it up, darling.
24:19About the pool.
24:20It's not a huge pool.
24:21It's more like a little jacuzzi, darling.
24:23Because I can't use that one at the spa anymore.
24:26I mean, so many people have been in it.
24:27It's become just a sort of smoothie of old excretions.
24:31Mum, there's something I wanted to talk to you about.
24:33I don't really need to disapprove.
24:34I don't.
24:35I mean, honestly, you come back with this attitude, don't you?
24:37I mean, you haven't even noticed, darling.
24:39I've cleaned.
24:39Look, I have cleaned this place.
24:41I have touched and rubbed polish here.
24:43You haven't even noticed that, have you?
24:45I'm just really tired.
24:46Yeah, tired.
24:48We're all tired, darling, aren't we?
24:50I mean, I'm tired.
24:54We're all tired, aren't we, darling?
24:56Since I haven't got that attitude.
24:59Just put it here.
25:02Oh, yeah, looking at me.
25:03Looking at me in that way.
25:04You always look at me, darling, because you disapprove.
25:06You're looking at me, looking at what I'm wearing.
25:08Oh, look, there's a big, fat mother.
25:10I'm not thinking that, Mum.
25:11You are.
25:12Actually, can I say, darling, you may be looking quite well, but not so thin yourself.
25:18Do I detect a slight thickening, sweetheart?
25:20You know what that is, don't you?
25:21Cruel genetic fate.
25:23You are turning into me.
25:26The sausage shape that comes to us all.
25:29It's you, now.
25:30It's a self-induced indignation.
25:32Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you are now fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, fat.
25:38That word that has haunted me my whole life can now be a specter to you.
25:44Oh, yeah, I'm not the only bloater around here anymore, am I, darling?
25:48I mean, I know I might eat and drink a little bit too much, but what's your excuse, a lard
25:53-arse?
25:54How did you get so fat on AIDS rations?
25:57I am not fat.
25:59I'm pregnant.
26:00I'm pregnant.
26:25Pregnant?
26:26Yes.
26:30Darling.
26:31What do you think?
26:36Darling, I just think you should tell people as soon as you see them.
26:38You don't want them thinking you're fat.
26:40You don't want you toite that.
26:41They won't.
26:50Are they?
26:55You don't want them to go to the list.
26:56They should have protection.
26:56What?
27:00You don't want them to.
27:02closure all the time.
27:04I want them.
27:10Morning, Safi.
27:11Morning, Gran.
27:13Oh, I say.
27:16Another Damien Hirst, no doubt.
27:20So, how are you, dear?
27:22I'm fine. I'm not ill.
27:25Sorry, Gran.
27:27I've got all this lot to get through and there's so much information around.
27:29There's so many books and each one seems to say a different thing.
27:31There's not enough time.
27:32Oh, well, that's books for you.
27:35Stick to a puzzler. That's what I do.
27:39Cup of tea?
27:41Oh, that would be lovely, Gran.
27:43Yes, wouldn't it?
27:47Oh, big breakfast, dear.
27:57We've been through this every day.
27:59I'm pregnant.
28:01I'm going to have a baby.
28:03Please try to remember from day to day.
28:05It's just I'm starting to feel rather alone.
28:07But you shouldn't be standing there, dear.
28:10You should be sitting down with your feet up.
28:35As I remember you're expecting, dear, Gran is here for you, as they say.
28:40It's just that when I knit, I can't think at all.
28:47Some people can knit and tomato.
28:54Sometimes I can't even remember why I, I mean, what is this?
29:11I'm a little baby, I'm a little baby, and I'm coming to get you, I'm coming to get you, I'm
29:17coming to get you.
29:18Mama, Mama, Mama, Mama!
29:38That'll be the midwife.
29:39She's dropping some stuff off for me.
29:48I've had that dream again, sweetheart.
29:50Oh?
29:51The one with the Daphne du Maurier midget.
29:58Oh, my needless sweetheart.
30:01Oh, of you, the devil child.
30:03Yes, me, you scary, scary.
30:08Right, I've got the files, the info, and all the blah, blah, blah that you wanted.
30:14Oh, my God.
30:14Oh, do you know something?
30:16I could murder a drink.
30:19Oh, hello, hello, hello.
30:22Cup of tea?
30:23Well, if that's all you've got.
30:24Yeah, well, that's all you're getting.
30:27In that case, I haven't got very long.
30:29I've just better get on with it and get started.
30:32How to have a baby.
30:35This is you.
30:36This is the baby.
30:39Ah!
30:42Pelvic bone, pelvic bone, more drugs.
30:45Ah!
30:48Push woman, push.
30:50Ah!
30:52Oh, it's having a rest.
30:54Here it comes.
30:55Ah!
30:57Ah!
30:58Ah!
30:59Ah!
30:59Ah!
30:59More drugs!
31:00Ah!
31:01Ah!
31:02Ah!
31:05Stitch her up, nurse.
31:08Are you sure you still want to have it at home?
31:11Yes, I want to have my baby at home.
31:14Yeah, well, not on my Bill Amberg rug, darling.
31:16No, no.
31:17Listen, the only thing is, if it gets any bigger, you could get into the hospital and just have
31:21it whip toot.
31:23You don't want a big tomato, Saffy.
31:27Do you know, my baby was so big, it treated my inside like a smorgasbord.
31:32It picked my bones clean.
31:35I was a baby buffet.
31:39Do you know, I was so long in labour, they had to shave me twice.
31:44Oh, well, I bet I got on my way.
31:47I've got an anti-metal clinic to go to.
31:5030 sweaty, wobbling woman, squatting on the floor, focusing on their exit pose.
31:57All believing that they can breathe their way through childbirth.
32:01I tell them, I say, when push comes to shove, you'll be screaming for drugs and shit in
32:06the bed, darling.
32:13Oh, thanks very much, you shouldn't have bothered.
32:18I'll just go and say goodbye to the fat cow.
32:24Oh, stop it, stop it.
32:26This is why I have the dream.
32:27Stop it.
32:29Oh, darling.
32:32Who was that woman, dear, and what was she selling?
32:35Oh, well, I suppose I'd better be off.
32:39I've got to get this lot down to the charity shop.
32:42Oh, God, no-one's that poor.
32:45Or that shape.
32:48Bye, Gran.
32:49Bye, Gran.
33:05You won't ever be called that.
33:07I won't ever be called that, darling.
33:09I shall have its little tiny tongue removed if it even begins to form the gene word.
33:15I'm glad we're talking.
33:16We're not talking.
33:17Sorry.
33:24Did you have, you know, coitious, interruptious, fella?
33:29What?
33:29Sex.
33:30Do you have sex?
33:31Yes, of course.
33:31Oh, shut up.
33:32Oh, just shut up, shut up.
33:37I thought I'd been like a pipetto, attest to you, were a drunk gay man, darling.
33:43No.
33:45Is it a drunk?
33:46No.
33:47Gay man, darling.
33:49Mum, I had a relationship with someone I met in Africa.
33:53I didn't mean to get pregnant, but when I found out, I knew immediately I wanted to keep it.
33:57This modern thinking, darling.
33:59Oh, I've got to keep it.
34:00I think I'm having a paper.
34:01I better keep it.
34:02In my day, that would have been douched out by morning, let me tell you, darling.
34:08Oh, yeah.
34:10A huge, huge tsunami of vinegar water would have flushed out those little swimmers mid-breaststroke, darling.
34:18Did you say Africa?
34:21Africa, darling?
34:22Were you taking the old precautionis, the old condomiana?
34:25Darling?
34:26Africa, sweetheart.
34:27Yes, of course.
34:29Out there, you have to have a blood test before you even kiss.
34:31Oh, what a turn-on.
34:37And does he, I'm presuming it's a he, yeah.
34:41Does he, the little ginga-minga bearded blind aid worker four foot tall,
34:45it's all I'm imagining, sweetheart?
34:49Does he know that you are over here now, you, Rosemary, carrying his devil's spawn?
34:57He's a mature student here at the LSE.
35:00His name's John Johnson.
35:02John Johnson.
35:02And we're going to see how things go.
35:04Things might be different over here.
35:05Things might be different over here, darling.
35:08Things like not having any money.
35:10Oh, yeah.
35:11Is he going to support it?
35:13He's a student.
35:14I shall get a job.
35:16Look, we haven't really talked about it.
35:18I mean, he only got back last week and I haven't really...
35:22You haven't told him, have you, darling?
35:25You haven't told him.
35:28Oh, he's not going to want anything to do with...
35:32Do you know how you're going to end up?
35:36Some squalid little pram face.
35:38Oh, yes.
35:39Little single mum.
35:40He's not going to want anything to do with you now, darling.
35:44He's coming over today.
35:45I am going to tell him, but he doesn't have to have anything to do with it if he doesn't
35:48want to.
35:48Oh, you are on your own.
35:50You are so low.
35:54I can go and live with Dad.
35:56Yeah, all right, then.
35:57Go and live with Dad.
35:58Go and get job.
36:00Live with Dad.
36:01Because if you think, darling,
36:02that I am lashing my many, many important clients
36:04to the publicity treadmill
36:05just so I can pay for some illegitimate
36:08panty pads.
36:09Nappies.
36:10Nappies.
36:10I knew they were nappies.
36:12You've got another thing coming.
36:20Sitting in Patsy's place.
36:21She can sit over there.
36:22She always sits there.
36:33Darling, I've told her she's on her own
36:35and we are not speaking to her.
36:37No, zip.
36:39What is this?
36:42All right, unzip for that one.
36:45A clinic.
36:46I'm not going to say anything.
36:46No, zip, zip, zip.
36:48I'm 25 weeks.
36:49I'm afraid you're rather too late.
36:52Do you know, there's a stink in here, Eddie.
36:54There's a little bit of a
36:55vile, musky whiff of fecundity in the air.
37:01Sorry about that, darling.
37:02Do you want a drink?
37:03Yes, I do.
37:04Oh, I'll get you one.
37:06I'll get you one.
37:07Look at all.
37:10Mum.
37:11Oh, it'll be so stupid.
37:12Smoke can't get in there, darling.
37:15Smoke can't touch the baby.
37:16If it could, you'd have come out
37:17looking like prosciutto, believe me.
37:22Or Donatella.
37:23Oh, yes, darling.
37:26Liver sausage in a weeb.
37:29Anyway, just because you're pregnant
37:30doesn't mean we have to get on our knees
37:31and worship your swollen, fat, pregnant little toes.
37:35Shut up, Eddie.
37:36The thought of that little specimen's feet.
37:38It's like a purge.
37:39I think I'm going to throw up.
37:41What?
37:42What are you going to throw up?
37:43You don't eat.
37:44And you barely breathe.
37:48Your body has no natural functions left.
37:50How dare you be offended by mine?
37:57Natural.
37:58Oh, steady press.
37:59Steady press.
37:59Oh, I have no idea.
38:00Just keep my place here, won't you, darling?
38:02Just make sure.
38:02No, I'll keep my place.
38:03I'll keep my place here, yeah.
38:04I'll get my feet on.
38:06Natural.
38:08Do you think in the natural world
38:10you wouldn't have been strangled at birth?
38:13You wouldn't have lived to see the sunrise,
38:15let alone breed.
38:18Sometimes it's kind of.
38:21I'm not saying anything else, Eddie.
38:23No, that's it, that's it, that's it.
38:25Mum, Johnny's coming over at lunchtime
38:27and it would help me if you weren't here.
38:28Book club, Eddie.
38:30Book club?
38:30Yes, book club, darling.
38:32Our book club.
38:33In fact, I'd better go and get ready for our book club, darling.
38:35So you and your little foe-eaters
38:36and your sperm donor might have to put up with us.
38:41It kicked.
38:43Well, of course it did.
38:44Who wouldn't?
38:48I'm tempted myself.
38:53Darling, you're the little father of the sperm.
38:55Can we ignore him?
38:55Just ignore them, Eddie.
38:57Ignore them.
38:57Yeah, ignore them.
38:58This is book club, all right, darling?
38:59This is book club.
38:59Now, who's coming today?
39:00Oh, darling, it's me, you, Mariella Frostrup.
39:04Oh, no, but she's coming
39:04because she says she's going to bring
39:05Jerry Halliwell, Trudy Styler and Liz Hurley.
39:08Oh, and plum.
39:10Yeah, little plum Buckley.
39:12Queen of the spas.
39:13Yes, darling.
39:14She's the embodiment of the Condé Nast traveller.
39:17She is new age philosophy with a Cartier wristwatch.
39:19Yeah, darling.
39:20Do you know, Susan, I think we should get in with her.
39:22Yeah.
39:22I mean, she is our ticket to sort of five-star luxury pampering
39:25on a global scale.
39:26I mean, spas are the new holiday for the urban stress site.
39:28And I am an urban stress site.
39:30I've got urban stress, haven't I, sweetheart?
39:32Plum has put Ammons, health spas and Shambhala clinics
39:35in every third world nation.
39:37Hot stone massage and salt scrub wrap in Kabul
39:40to the exotic sound of small arms fire.
39:45Yes, darling.
39:47And just families of refugees herded over Western bodies
39:51to stamp out the cellulite.
39:53Tone with the tuirag.
39:55Massage with the mass eye.
39:56Yeah, darling, there's oils and the oils.
39:58Oh, and the water, and the water.
40:00Oh, we've got to get in with Plum.
40:01But, darling, listen, Plum is quite a complex little character.
40:05No, Eddie, Eddie, just treat her with respect.
40:06Don't just go bulldozing in.
40:07I won't bulldoze in there.
40:09Get to know Plum.
40:10Yeah.
40:10All right?
40:10That's it, yeah.
40:11Oh, and read books, of course.
40:13Here's Mariella.
40:14Hi, darling.
40:15Hi, hi.
40:16Hi, hi.
40:17Where's Liz Hurley?
40:18Oh, she couldn't make it.
40:20Oh, still searching for a father.
40:23But you promised.
40:25No, I didn't.
40:25Well, then where's Jerry Halliwell,
40:27still chubbing up on a fat farm?
40:29And where's Plum?
40:30She's down here doing corpse.
40:32What?
40:32Where?
40:33Oh, oh, oh, oh!
40:36Oh, Plum, Plum, darling, are you all right?
40:38Don't touch me.
40:40Mr. Chang says I mustn't be touched.
40:41My skin cells have to replenish.
40:43Oh, I'm so sorry, sweetie.
40:45I have been scrubbed with beetle husk.
40:47Oh, you're so sorry.
40:49Darling, he's for sandpaper due to the bone.
40:51I was.
40:52There's only one layer of skin holding me in.
40:54Oh.
40:55I can't get up now.
40:56I'm in another life.
40:57Wait till then.
41:00Don't look at me like that.
41:01I didn't know she was there.
41:01I thought it was an old bit of sushi.
41:02I couldn't see.
41:05I can see her brain beating.
41:09Plum, are you corpse?
41:14Armani and Umgaro, too.
41:16Armani and Umgaro, too.
41:19Here we go.
41:20Oh, you have walken the dead.
41:24I need a cushion.
41:25Do you see cushion?
41:26My old colonic injury.
41:27Oh, cushion for Plum.
41:28Oh, there we are, sweetheart.
41:29There we are.
41:30Oh.
41:31Oh, I'm sorry.
41:31I'm in such a foul mood.
41:32I was in the Amampuki spa in Chad last week, and there was a small local rebellion.
41:37They pound and gagged with an enema tube and pinned me to the table with hot stones for over
41:42three hours, and then they took everything.
41:44Watch.
41:45Credit card.
41:46It was a nightmare.
41:46Oh, spa nightmare.
41:48Tragic.
41:49Come on, she needs hydrating.
41:50Get that back later.
41:51Oh, there's something for Plum.
41:53Would you like a nibble?
41:54Not nibbles.
41:56Plum.
41:57Plum.
41:57Come on, hydrate.
41:58I'll just...
41:59Oh, it's so cool.
42:06Hi, John.
42:07My angel.
42:09I'm afraid I had a little difficulty finding the problem.
42:12Oh, I'm sorry.
42:13Oh, I think I bit your nose.
42:15It's okay.
42:17How are you?
42:17Well, yeah.
42:19I got all your letters.
42:20Good.
42:20All your news.
42:21It was marvellous.
42:22Oh.
42:23And the paper.
42:24Oh, was it a bell on?
42:25It was such good quality.
42:27I think it was slightly embossed, which is very good because it means that it absorbed the
42:30ink more thoroughly.
42:31Oh, well.
42:32What was the make of that paper?
42:33I can't remember.
42:35I don't normally read.
42:37Well, I mean, I don't normally read anything, but I read this.
42:40Well, thank you.
42:41Yeah, thank you.
42:42Well, it is major themes, then.
42:44Major themes.
42:47Did you read it?
42:50Well, yeah, yeah, but I skimmed.
42:52I'm a skimmer.
42:53It's about the two realities of America.
42:56Exactly.
42:56The immigrant and the old establishment.
42:58Let's hope she doesn't become a symbol of the inexorability of fate, eh?
43:01I agree.
43:02What do you think of it?
43:06Who?
43:07Who?
43:07Who?
43:07I'm talking about the character.
43:08The main character.
43:09Catherine Zeta-Jones.
43:10Oh, God.
43:13Oh, Catherine Zeta-Jones.
43:16We're not still on her, are we?
43:18I'm Liza Minnelli.
43:19Yes, so am I.
43:20I'm Liza.
43:21She's like a very old chick that's not quite pecked her way out of the egg.
43:26Well, she's got a coconut growing out of her head.
43:28No, darling, that's not a coconut.
43:30That's her husband.
43:32Oh, I love little Liza.
43:33She always hugs me.
43:34It's not a hug, you fool.
43:35That's how she moves around the room.
43:37Yes.
43:38And swinging from friend to friend like a crazed spider monkey.
43:42Hello, how are you?
43:43Hello, how are you?
43:44Hello, how are you?
43:45Hello, how are you?
43:46Hello, how are you?
43:47Hello, how are you?
43:48Hello, how are you?
43:48Life is a cabaret.
43:50Hey, humanity is her crutch.
43:53Yeah.
43:53Nibble?
43:54No, not nibble.
43:55That's why I say that.
43:57This is such a nice building.
43:59Yes.
44:01How have you been?
44:02I've been well.
44:04You know, in your letter, on the good paper, when you said that it was cold here, I can't
44:09see that.
44:10I think the temperature is very satisfactory.
44:12Well, what is the system of heating?
44:16What?
44:17How's the house heated?
44:18Oh, it's central heating.
44:20Oh, combination?
44:23It must be a valium 350 to heat a building of this size.
44:27Where is it situated?
44:29I don't know.
44:30John, listen, look, I really need to talk to you.
44:34I need to know where we stand.
44:37Are we still together?
44:39Oh, yes.
44:40I want to continue the relationship with you.
44:43You're my guy.
44:48John?
44:49Yes?
44:50What are you thinking?
44:52What am I thinking?
44:53Yes.
44:54Be honest.
44:56I was wondering.
44:57Yes.
44:59What is holding up the ceiling?
45:03Shall we start?
45:05I thought we had.
45:08Shall I do the apologies?
45:10Oh, for instance.
45:12Go on, then, quickly.
45:14Apologies from Jerry.
45:16Oh.
45:17She's so, so sorry.
45:19Get on with it.
45:20Lift heart, make it.
45:22She's sorry.
45:23Oh, stop it.
45:24Get on with it.
45:27Nicole is weeping with regret.
45:30Oh, but, look, look, look, look, look.
45:32I'm going to get to drop it.
45:34Names, names, names.
45:35Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
45:36Sorry, names, sorry, names, sorry, names.
45:38Blah, blah, blah.
45:38Come on.
45:39And Princess Anne.
45:40It can't just be us.
45:41What happens if you don't turn up?
45:42I'm not sitting here on my own.
45:44You hope, darling.
45:45Don't look at me, Eddie.
45:46You're the celebrity PR.
45:47Oh, come on.
45:48You're supposed to know everyone.
45:49You know all that L.A. said.
45:50Oh, I'm George Clooney's best friend.
45:52Here's me and Hugh Grant.
45:53I mean, you virtually greet him at immigration with a microphone.
45:56Sir.
45:57I've seen you spread eagled on every red carpet in town, darling.
46:01Where's Jerry?
46:02Where's Marie?
46:03We don't want Jerry and Marie because we know they're going to say yes.
46:06They've said yes before you've even pressed the first number of their telephone number.
46:08They will have said yes.
46:09We want the people who say no.
46:12What about Joan Collins?
46:14Oh, darling.
46:15She's in liquid form now.
46:16We'd have to pour her in and paste her together.
46:18Come on, come on.
46:19Could Julia Roberts' lips get any bigger?
46:22Looks like she's giving birth to her own head.
46:28Oh, darling.
46:29Plum, plum, plum.
46:30Um, Renée Zellweger or Blowfish.
46:32It's the same thing.
46:34Who's Dane Winston?
46:36No, that's Dale Winton, darling.
46:37It's Dale Winton.
46:38Why?
46:39Looks like my luggage.
46:40Yes.
46:42Oh.
46:43Are we going to talk about a book at all?
46:45We've only done ten minutes on the mags, Mariella.
46:48Some of us haven't got all afternoon.
46:50Are you in a time warp?
46:54Darling, let's talk to Plum.
46:55Shall we talk to Plum?
46:59Darling, all these little freebies you get.
47:02I wonder if it could, perhaps and I get one of those.
47:03Could we get a free holiday with Condé Nast?
47:05You have to write an article about them.
47:06Oh.
47:07Well, I can write.
47:09More than 200 words?
47:11No.
47:13I couldn't do that.
47:14Frankly, you earn it.
47:15Yeah.
47:16Oh, I'm off the Prozac.
47:17Oh.
47:18Mr. Chang has given me Tong Haing.
47:20Oh, is that Winter Worm?
47:21Mm-hmm.
47:22It opens my portals.
47:23Yes, it would.
47:28Fascinating, though, your medical condition is.
47:30This is a book club.
47:32A book club.
47:34So I suggest we take out our books
47:37and spend, let's say, five minutes
47:40on the pocket-sized, abridged version
47:43of the picture of Dorian Gray.
47:45Oh, God.
47:46It's tiny.
47:47It's the smallest book I could find.
47:57I'm going to feed my meter.
48:00With nibbles?
48:03I think I'll go now.
48:06Thank you, Mary.
48:08I'm a priest.
48:08Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.
48:10I can't think what I'm doing here.
48:16Saffron, I can't work out
48:17if this is a P-trap or an S-trap.
48:19John, listen, please, will you just sit down?
48:21I need to talk to you seriously.
48:27I really loved my time with you in Uganda.
48:30Oh, thank you.
48:32John, do you remember almost exactly 25 weeks ago
48:35we were at the UN Globalization and Social Order Talk
48:38in Loretto?
48:39Oh, yes, that was marvellous.
48:41Yes, but do you remember what happened after?
48:44Oh, yes.
48:46The seminar.
48:48That was fascinating.
48:50No, after that, we went out.
48:53Yes.
48:54To that bar in the Hotel Sunshine.
48:57Yeah, who was there?
48:58I always remember according to who was there.
49:00I was there.
49:03And then we took the lake road back to your tent.
49:06Oh, yes, yes.
49:07And I stayed the night and...
49:11Are you talking about the night we had intimate relations?
49:15Well, why didn't you say so?
49:17Don't you remember 25 weeks ago
49:19when we had intimate relations?
49:20Well, John, I...
49:25What are you looking for?
49:26Way out.
49:49I want another baby in that house.
49:52The old babies hate me.
49:53All over this white blob that's going to be raised to hate me.
49:57I don't want that.
50:00Darling Plum, I think Plum.
50:02Plum.
50:03Oh, Lord.
50:05Hello.
50:08How do you do?
50:08I was wondering if you knew where the boiler was.
50:11Well, funny you should say that.
50:12I'm looking for a rising mane myself.
50:14Oh, I need my ring sealed.
50:17I know the gutter's sagging a bit,
50:19but any chance of a plunger up the waste pipe?
50:23You are a very fine-looking woman.
50:26Why, thank you.
50:26And I wouldn't want to offend you,
50:28but I'm already having a relationship with this young lady here.
50:31Get out!
50:34Oh, darling.
50:38Come on, darling.
50:39Just keep it in before we get upstairs, darling.
50:44Open.
50:48I'm going to do a salutation to the sun.
50:50Oh, that's good.
50:53Hold me, Pats.
50:53Yeah, I am here.
50:55Is that your daughter downstairs?
50:57What, did you see her?
50:58She's a bit fat, isn't she?
51:00Not fat.
51:01She's pregnant.
51:02Yes, well, anyway, I'm...
51:03Why that big black guy?
51:05What?
51:06They keep pregnant by that big black guy.
51:09Shut up, plum.
51:09Just salute the sun.
51:12Pats?
51:12No, Eddie.
51:14Black?
51:15She's black.
51:22I'm going to have a mixed-race baby.
51:23I'm going to have a mixed-race baby, darling.
51:25It doesn't make any difference.
51:26It's still a baby.
51:27It makes a difference, darling.
51:28A mixed-race baby is the finest accessory
51:30anyone in my position could ever have.
51:32We can't.
51:33Oh, my God.
51:34It's the must-have of the season.
51:36It's the Chanel of babies.
51:37Oh, Eddie.
51:39Eddie, oh.
51:41Oh.
51:42Oh.
51:44Oh.
52:02What are you trying to say?
52:05I'm...
52:06Darling, darling, darling!
52:07She's going to be all right, darling!
52:11I'm always wrong.
52:12I'm always going to love the baby, darling.
52:13I want the baby.
52:14I want the baby.
52:14I'll pay for the baby.
52:15I'll support the baby.
52:15Everything, darling.
52:16He's a father.
52:17We don't want him, darling.
52:18We don't need him because I'm going to love him.
52:19I'm going to have him.
52:20Call single mom.
52:21We don't need him.
52:22I'm going to love baby.
52:23Me love babies.
52:27Pregnant.
52:49Pregnant?
52:52Yes.
52:53Oh, my darling.
52:55What do you think?
52:56I think you should tell everyone when you first see them.
53:00You don't want them to think you're fat.