The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:21Okay, give me a bird.
00:22Don't go mad at that, Jordan.
00:24Come on, just one bird.
00:25Hush.
00:26Who's that?
00:27Hey, baby.
00:28Yeah.
00:28You know, we got some people moving in next door.
00:30I know none of the people moved out.
00:31What was their name?
00:34I don't know.
00:36I have no idea.
00:38Okay, give me an adjective.
00:40Bothering.
00:40Bothering me.
00:41Okay, now that's not an adjective.
00:43Bother some.
00:45Can you teach me to widow?
00:46Give me the...
00:47Come on.
00:48Look at this fool.
00:49Baby, can we put him back into karate?
00:51Okay, can I at least have a BB gun?
00:52No.
00:53Moped?
00:54No.
00:55Treehouse?
00:57A little box in the tree, where he can spend all his free time.
01:05America, you thinking what I'm thinking?
01:08We'll pick the lumber up in the morning.
01:09Yeah!
01:10Oh, yeah.
01:11Oh, yeah.
01:12Oh, yeah.
01:43What happened?
01:44Oh, what happened?
01:44The new neighbors turned their sprinklers on me just because I was sitting on their lawn.
01:48You sure it wasn't no accident?
01:50Their sprinklers are probably on timer, sweetie.
01:53I saw a man look at me before they came on.
01:55He did it on purpose, and you don't even care.
01:58Wait a minute, wait a minute.
01:59I'm gonna go over there and get to the bottom of it.
02:01Can you pick up Rihanna, her friend, from soccer for me, please?
02:03Sure, honey.
02:04I'll take your car.
02:05Hey, I got lumber in my car.
02:09Sidebar.
02:10She doesn't like us in our car.
02:12Now, I don't mind taking them to school or to the doctor, but picking them up from soccer,
02:17I may as well haul pigs out to the market.
02:20Yeah, sure.
02:21Look, I will unload the lumber myself.
02:24Where's your weight belt?
02:24Rhonda.
02:26It's not like I don't love the kids.
02:28I know it.
02:29I love the kids.
02:30Okay, so did I hesitate to give up my office for Vanessa's room?
02:33Mm-mm.
02:34No, I did not.
02:35Okay, and did I flinch when Rihanna threw up on me last week?
02:39You should have.
02:40But I didn't.
02:40No, you didn't.
02:41And I didn't say one word when that boy broke my high heels playing dress up.
02:47What?
02:48But, honey, it's my car.
02:52It's the last thing that says Wanda and not mom.
02:57Wow.
02:59Baby, you're right.
02:59I wasn't thinking.
03:01Well, but I always put a quarter in Brianna's sock.
03:04I'm quite sure she'll figure out to call somebody to pick her and her friends up.
03:06Don't worry about it.
03:10Oh, that's good.
03:13Fine.
03:14I'll go get her.
03:17Dress up.
03:25Hey, what's up?
03:26My name is Bernie Mac and this is my niece, Vanessa.
03:29We live next door.
03:29Welcome to the neighborhood.
03:30Well, I'm Marcus Chapman.
03:32Nice to meet you.
03:32I'm a big fan.
03:34Hello, Vanessa.
03:37Um, Marcus, this is kind of awkward, but earlier my niece was sitting on your lawn and your sprinklers
03:41came on.
03:42Did you get wet?
03:44I'm so sorry, Vanessa.
03:46I saw you look at me.
03:47Oh, right.
03:48Yeah, I saw you drawing out there, but by the time the sprinklers went on, I was just as
03:51surprised as you.
03:52They're on timers, you know.
03:54That's what we tried to tell her, but she didn't.
03:57Man, is that a 52-inch flat screen?
04:0061-inch.
04:00No kidding.
04:02You know, once you go flat, you never go back.
04:04I like that.
04:05Yeah, I tried to turn them off, you know, but I still don't know where all the light switches
04:08are in this place yet.
04:09Well, we knew it was a reasonable explanation.
04:13Man, is that a Cuban?
04:14Yeah, oh, yeah.
04:15Yeah, why don't you come by later?
04:16I got a walk-in humidor full of them.
04:18You can.
04:18Mm-hmm.
04:19How about seven?
04:20I'll see you then.
04:21Oh, and I still haven't quite figured out those sprinklers yet, so you better be careful.
04:26Hey.
04:27Welcome.
04:27Mm-hmm.
04:28Okay.
04:28Yeah.
04:29See you later.
04:29Come on.
04:30I like him.
04:34The girl just doesn't know good neighbors once you see one.
04:38It could be like back in the day when we were sitting on the stoop, talking all hours of
04:41the night, sipping wine.
04:43I mean, I don't mean to make the guy my new best friend, America.
04:46Hell, I don't even know if the boy played golf.
04:49But if he does, he's going to be my buddy.
04:58Stop!
05:04Okay.
05:06Who wants to be powder fresh?
05:09Oh, great.
05:10And baby girl, you'll learn to like it.
05:13Cheer up.
05:19Oh.
05:20Hey, baby.
05:20Hey.
05:22To the sexiest soccer chauffeur in town.
05:25Aw, thanks.
05:26So, how about your car?
05:27My car is fine.
05:29Oh, it's fine?
05:29Mm-hmm.
05:30You mean to tell me no Cocoa Puffs on the seat, no wet boogies on the window?
05:33None of that.
05:34See, you just have to know how to manage the situation.
05:37Oh, and by the way, I told Brianna I would pick her up again on Sunday.
05:41Sweetheart, you lucked up on this one.
05:43I did.
05:43Yes, you did.
05:44I'm telling you, playing with fire.
05:46Now, that pristine driving machine you got going to turn into a mom's car.
05:49Now, you watch what I tell you.
05:50I don't think so.
05:51Just because it happened to yours doesn't mean it's going to happen to mine.
05:54See, I know what I'm doing.
05:56Oh, is that right?
05:57That's right.
05:57Okay, you know what you're doing, we'll do what you do.
05:59I'll do what I do.
06:00You do what you do.
06:01Well, it's done.
06:01Ooh, what is that?
06:02Hey, talk to me later.
06:03Stop.
06:06This is the Dan.
06:07Oh, man, this is gnawing.
06:09Real gnawing.
06:11Man, I'm telling you.
06:12Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
06:14What in the hell is that unholy creature?
06:16Oh, that's Oscar.
06:17These guys were bred to fight bulls.
06:19I look at him, I see myself.
06:20No, no, you're not that ugly.
06:23I don't mean that.
06:24All right.
06:25Yeah, I'm a lawyer.
06:26See, I'm a litigator.
06:27I get you in that courtroom, I lock down, I don't let go.
06:29Right, Oscar?
06:34Scotch?
06:34Single malt?
06:36Yeah.
06:36Yeah, I'll take a little bit.
06:38Now, don't take this the wrong way, Bernie.
06:40But when I heard I was moving in next door to a couple with three kids, you know, I was
06:43worried.
06:43But then when I heard it was you, I was cool.
06:47Because when it comes to kids, Bernie Mac don't play.
06:50Let me tell you something, I'm from the old school.
06:53Marcus, I feel a kid shouldn't speak unless he's spoken to.
06:56If you're old enough to talk back, you're old enough to get hit in the throat of the stomach.
07:01My man, my man.
07:02You want something worse, Scotch?
07:03Well, I really shouldn't.
07:04I got an early day with the boy tomorrow.
07:06Oh.
07:06You know.
07:09I mean, well, I said I shouldn't.
07:10I didn't say I wouldn't, though.
07:12Yeah, I'll take a little splash.
07:15The pool is deep.
07:18Life guard on every station.
07:21Somebody drown it.
07:24You're a good man.
07:27Uncle Bernie, this is awesome.
07:29Can't believe we built this.
07:31It's the best.
07:34Watch yourself, son.
07:39Good.
07:40Hey, Uncle Bernie.
07:41Huh?
07:41She'll lock me on the inside.
07:45Yeah.
07:46I don't know what I was thinking.
07:49Uh-oh.
07:49What are you so happy about?
07:51Because I'm coming in and he's staying out.
07:53Baby, I'm free at last.
07:55Free at last.
07:56Uncle Bernie, take dinner in my treehouse.
07:59Hallelujah.
08:00You can eat any meal you want.
08:02That's your treehouse.
08:04That's your home.
08:05That's your castle.
08:06And you ain't even got to ask, and I ain't going to say boo.
08:08I'm going to lay some carpet.
08:10I'll get the staple gun.
08:15What?
08:17Oh, baby, you're babying the boy.
08:20The boy should be able to handle a staple gun.
08:22You should have saw him with the hammer.
08:23Wanda?
08:23I saw him.
08:26Damn.
08:27All right, I'll do it.
08:28The whole idea was to get the boy off my back.
08:31He treated me like a pack mule.
08:34Jordan!
08:40America, look at me.
08:42Every time I think I'm done, the boy wants something else.
08:46He wants a skylight.
08:47Now, America, you tell me.
08:49What's a boy who used to sleep in 3-2 bed
08:51knowing about a damn skylight, huh?
08:53I'm sick of that damn treehouse, and I'm sick of trees.
08:56Well, honey, just say no.
08:58If I say no, baby, I mean he going to be unhappy up there,
09:01and that means he going to come back down here.
09:04Look what I got.
09:05What?
09:08My child is a star student at Wellington.
09:12Oh, congratulations, honey.
09:14Oh, baby girl, this is nice.
09:16It's for you, Wanda.
09:17Oh, Kay.
09:18Oh, Kay.
09:19You're supposed to put it on your bumper.
09:21I can't put this on my bumper.
09:24Hmm.
09:27Because I can't see it back there.
09:30So, I am going to put this on the refrigerator.
09:34That way the whole family can see it
09:37every time we get something to eat, okay?
09:39Okay.
09:39Okay, let's go do that.
09:41Uncle Bernie, remember when you told me
09:43they're not going to get the wet paint?
09:45Well, bring the roller and a new shunt.
09:50Over.
09:52This...
10:00Hey, Marcus, what's happening, man?
10:02What's up with you?
10:03Yeah, I noticed your new addition in the backyard.
10:06You didn't tell me you were adding on.
10:09Oh, you're talking about the treehouse.
10:12Don't get me started.
10:13See, I built the treehouse for my nephew
10:15to keep him out of my hair,
10:16but he ended up being a big painter.
10:17See, the thing is, see,
10:19I had this incredible zen garden built in my backyard.
10:22Zen garden?
10:23Pulling the top guy from Japan.
10:24Wow.
10:25Oh, yeah, he arranged every rock,
10:26every grain of sand.
10:28It's a freaking piece of art.
10:30It cost me 50 large.
10:3150,000?
10:32Just for some sand?
10:33Oh, yeah, yeah.
10:33See, the thing is,
10:34it's all designed around this focal point.
10:37See, it's where your eye is drawn,
10:39but not anymore.
10:41See, as of yesterday,
10:42your eye is drawn to a child
10:43wearing a cape and a shack.
10:47Right above it.
10:51Hallelujah.
10:52Did you hear that?
10:55Sounds like music to my ears.
10:57Maybe you didn't hear like I did.
10:59Listen.
11:02Marcus, are you asking me
11:04to tear the treehouse down?
11:08You heard him.
11:09America, the man has a focal point.
11:12I mean, what was I supposed to do?
11:14Tell him no.
11:16He's my neighbor.
11:17You gotta be good to your neighbor.
11:19The Lord says so.
11:21My hands are tied.
11:23But fortunately,
11:23I can handle a crowbar.
11:26I brought that treehouse into the world,
11:28and I'm gonna take it out.
11:35I can't believe you're gonna take down
11:37Jordan's treehouse for that guy.
11:39Well, believe it,
11:39that's what a good neighbor does.
11:40Jordan, come on down there.
11:41I need to talk to you, son.
11:42You don't want to talk.
11:43You want to take down my treehouse.
11:45Vanessa told me.
11:46Stupid pigeon.
11:47Look, come on down from there now, son.
11:49Come here.
11:49No, you said this was my home.
11:52I'm defending my home.
11:53Well, you've been evicted.
11:55And don't act like you no stranger
11:56being evicted.
11:57Is there a problem, Bernie?
11:59Oh, hey, hey, neighbor.
12:00No, it ain't nothing.
12:01You know, the young blood
12:02just a little height strung right now.
12:05Man, I figured give him a couple hours
12:06to be starving
12:06and definitely bring his butt right down.
12:08Wait, wait, is that a bucket of food?
12:11Nothing.
12:12Nothing.
12:13Come on, know what you're doing.
12:14Just being a good neighbor.
12:22How do you expect him to react
12:23when you tell him
12:24you're gonna rip down
12:25his little treehouse?
12:26You know he's stubborn
12:26just like you.
12:27You keep saying I'm stubborn,
12:29I'm trying to tell you that I'm not.
12:37What's wrong?
12:37The bumper sticker is gone.
12:40Baby, forget that bumper sticker.
12:41I'll get you another.
12:42I'm trying to talk to you
12:43about something serious.
12:43Come on over here.
12:44No, no, no.
12:45See, it has to be here somewhere.
12:46It can't just walk away.
12:54Oh, Lord.
13:00Your car scared me.
13:02Sweetie, what were you doing?
13:05I was trying to put the sticker
13:06on the bumper for you.
13:09Tell you what.
13:11Let's forget about the refrigerator, okay?
13:13I am going to frame that
13:15and I'm going to hang that up
13:17in my office
13:17so all of my coworkers
13:19can see what a good student you are.
13:21Okay?
13:22Okay.
13:22All right, give me a little something.
13:24Mwah.
13:28George!
13:29George!
13:30Use the walkie-talkie, Uncle Bernie.
13:32I can hear you
13:33and you can hear me.
13:34They don't need to use
13:34no walkie-talkie.
13:35George, stick your head
13:36out the window right quick.
13:37Let me tell you something.
13:39If you don't come down this second,
13:40you're going without television
13:41for a whole month.
13:41Now, you hear me?
13:42I don't have TV in here anyway.
13:44America,
13:45how can you punish a kid
13:46who's happy living in a box?
13:48A boy his age
13:49should be addicted to TV.
13:51What did I go wrong?
13:53I mean, look at you.
13:55You and your kids,
13:55y'all watching TV.
13:57You're good parents, America.
14:00Son, listen.
14:01Why are you willing
14:02to give up television
14:03for a whole month
14:04and get a whooping
14:05for an old, ugly box
14:06in the tree, huh?
14:07Because we built it.
14:09Together.
14:10It's ours.
14:15Damn!
14:16Turn the TV off
14:17and do something
14:18with your kids.
14:19Because the rewards
14:21are unmesurable.
14:24We build it together.
14:27You and...
14:28What is it?
14:38Thanks.
14:39As I was saying,
14:40you know how little boys
14:40get attached to things.
14:42I remember when I was his age,
14:43I had a truck tie.
14:44I should play with it all day,
14:46roll down the hill in it.
14:47You ever have a tie at Marcus?
14:48No.
14:49Listen, let me be clear.
14:50The treehouse comes down.
14:51I checked it out.
14:52It violates zoning laws.
14:53You're going to be like that?
14:55Oh, yeah.
14:55I told you,
14:56don't mess with the bulldog, Bernie.
14:58All right then, bulldog.
15:00You have a nice day.
15:02Fake-ass tiny cock.
15:05Fake-ass pit bull.
15:08Nobody runs my nephew off.
15:10Oh, no.
15:11We can't have that.
15:16Okay, girls.
15:17You know the drill.
15:21How come your mom
15:22didn't put your bumper sticker
15:24on her car?
15:25She's not my mom.
15:27She's my aunt.
15:34It's so yellow.
15:37I know.
15:42I wish we could stay up here forever,
15:44Uncle Bernie.
15:45What happened when you grew up
15:46and get married?
15:46I'll put up a curtain right here
15:48so you can't see my wife's boobies.
15:51George, you know eventually
15:52we'll have to tear this treehouse down.
15:54You know that.
15:54That's the law.
15:55Yeah, I know.
15:57Can't we just stay up here all night
15:58just drive old Marcus crazy?
16:01Yeah.
16:03Ain't nothing going to get us down
16:04out this street.
16:05Not tonight.
16:11George,
16:13you smell something?
16:13He's setting the tree on fire.
16:16Help!
16:18Over.
16:19Hey, Marcus.
16:20My nephew got asthma.
16:21Oh, good.
16:22Then one more log should do the trick.
16:24Don't even try it.
16:25I'm telling you,
16:25he's just a child.
16:26It's between me and you.
16:28Okay, then come down.
16:29Then he can come down,
16:30then the treehouse can come down,
16:31then we'll talk to you and me.
16:32Today gonna happen,
16:33not tonight.
16:34All right.
16:34I don't know why
16:35you want to make this difficult.
16:36Well, I'll tell you what, Marcus.
16:37Damn it.
16:38You just made a difference.
16:39No, Uncle Bernie,
16:40where are you going?
16:41We're about to have a discrepancy
16:42of every proportion.
16:43Move now.
16:43You can't leave, Uncle Bernie.
16:45I'm in the middle of a war.
16:48America,
16:49if it was just me,
16:50I'd go down there
16:51and kick Marcus's ass.
16:53But it's not always
16:54about us grown-ups.
16:55You see how much fun
16:56that boy's having?
16:57I'm at war,
16:58but he's playing war.
17:00Sometimes you gotta listen
17:01to the wisdom of a child.
17:04Back in the day, America,
17:06I'm telling you,
17:06I'd go to Weasel.
17:08Actually,
17:08the Weasel will go pop.
17:10Come and put it over your nose.
17:13Okay, how's that?
17:14That's better?
17:15What do you got to do,
17:16Uncle Bernie?
17:17I don't know,
17:18but I can't let you choke today.
17:19Hey, Uncle Bernie.
17:22Heads up.
17:23Hey, good looking out,
17:25Nessa.
17:31Ready?
17:32Hey.
17:32Let's go.
17:36Hey, hey, hey.
17:37Hey.
17:38Hey.
17:39Tyson.
17:40Cut that.
17:40Hey, stop that.
17:41Hey.
17:44Hey, I didn't put the fire on me.
17:45Yeah.
17:46Hey, what's he doing?
17:48Ow.
17:49Stop that.
17:50Cut that out.
17:50Look how mad he is,
17:52Uncle Bernie.
17:52You're a pound.
17:54Oop.
17:54I cut.
17:55Well, what?
17:56We're in the foxhole.
17:57Anything go.
17:59Hey, what's he doing?
18:01Incoming!
18:01No, no, no, no.
18:02Get out.
18:02Get out.
18:03You see what you get?
18:04You play with the bulldog,
18:05you're gonna get sick.
18:07Hey, what you think you're doing?
18:10Incoming!
18:13What is that?
18:14That's a bonsai treat.
18:15The food's hand of a zen garden.
18:18That's not very zen.
18:19You're coming down.
18:20You haven't seen anything yet.
18:22You get in the way of my zen garden,
18:24and you're gonna pay the price.
18:25I haven't even started with you.
18:27I'm beginning to think he's on the sprinkles on Vanessa.
18:29Sons, I think we'd better settle in.
18:32It's gonna be a long night.
18:35Ow!
18:36I've been hit!
18:37Hey, Bernie!
18:38Bernie!
18:39Bernie down!
18:40Bernie down!
19:01We did it!
19:03We made it for the night!
19:04We won the war!
19:08Yeah.
19:10He won.
19:11He won.
19:18Come on.
19:20Wake up.
19:21You gotta wake up.
19:23Come on.
19:24Wake up.
19:26Oh, God.
19:28Did you fall out of the treehouse?
19:30Baby, just a couple of heroes returning from battle, huh?
19:34Well, welcome home, General.
19:36Yes, ma'am.
19:37Private?
19:38Baby, little man earned his stripes.
19:40I'm proud of him.
19:42Oh, man.
19:43Look at you guys.
19:45You stink.
19:46That's what battle does to a man.
19:49Mad natural.
19:50And I tell you what.
19:51To celebrate, I'm taking us all out to breakfast.
19:53How about that?
19:54Come on.
19:54Let's get cleaned up.
19:55Oh, do we have to?
19:56Uh, no.
19:58Let's go in my car.
20:01Good.
20:01Come on.
20:02Baby, you should have seen it.
20:03The guy threw this bonsai tree, right?
20:05That's not good.
20:05And he came against the wall.
20:07And then, Joy.
20:08Who threw a tree?
20:09The name, I tell you, I can't delay it.
20:11Just when we thought we found a way to work around these kids,
20:14we learned the only way to make it is with them.
20:16Now, I know what you say.
20:17You say we should know that by now.
20:19But I don't care what you say in our own little way.
20:21Wanda and I, we're getting the hang of this, y'all.
20:25This, uh, we're getting the hang of it.
20:31I know what I'm doing.
20:32Is that right?
20:33Yes, it do.
20:35We'll put it on there.
20:36Well, thank you.
20:37You like it?
20:37Yeah.
20:38If you put it in there, I'll find out.
20:39Oh, you know, I'm going to get it in there.
20:41Yeah.
20:41You pick something I can put in there.
20:42Yeah, well, put some crazy glue in there.
20:44Why am I going to put some crazy glue in my hair?
20:46Oh, you know.
20:47Let's move on.
20:49Carmen.
20:49Yeah.
20:50Yeah.
20:53Sweet.
20:54Sweet.
21:00Yeah.
21:08Let's move on.
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