The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:17America, let's talk.
00:19Now, Bertie Mac knows that it's been a while since he said he's going to kill those kids.
00:24And over the past two years, I've had reason and opportunity.
00:27But I've also learned what every parent and every good husband knows, that you just got
00:32to let things go.
00:34Don't hold it in, America.
00:36You let it go.
00:41I don't hear anybody crying, America, so I'm letting it go.
00:48Probably just overreacting, America.
00:50No blood, no harm, so I'm letting it go.
00:53Ow!
00:54I'm bleeding!
00:56Ow!
00:56All right, America, I'm going to handle this calmly, then I'm going to let it go.
01:01Jordan, you better not be getting no blood on my dishrag.
01:05The boy bleeds like a white boxer.
01:11Look, Uncle Brian, they have knitwear dolls over there.
01:14Can I go get one?
01:17Uh-uh, uh-uh.
01:18Look, uh, baby girl, see that line?
01:20Those sick people on that side.
01:22You don't want to go over there, so you're just here for a checkup.
01:25That's a sick wig doll.
01:27Here, look at this home decor.
01:29You read that.
01:31Look, Uncle Bernie, it's Chris Rock!
01:35Hey, Rock.
01:36Hey, Bernie Mac!
01:38You know Chris Rock?
01:41Yeah, I know him.
01:42Mac, man.
01:43It's been a long time.
01:45Has it?
01:45Yeah, look at you.
01:46You got two kids now.
01:48Yeah, well, I mean, yeah.
01:49They're my sister kids, though.
01:50Oh, those are crack babies.
01:52I thought that was just part of your act.
01:54Hey, what's up, cracky?
01:56Remember now, crack is whack.
01:57So who are you here to see, Dr. Fisher or Dr. Kohart?
02:00Well, we're here to see Dr. Kohart.
02:01This brother here, he's a biter.
02:03See what I'm doing with you?
02:04They cut through metal.
02:05The last time I brought him here, Dr. Kohart gave him a shot.
02:08He bit Dr. Kohart, and Dr. Kohart had to shoot himself.
02:13Give himself a shot.
02:14That's crazy.
02:15Excuse me, Mr. Rock.
02:16Dr. Kohart will see you now?
02:19Take care, Mac.
02:20Yeah.
02:23Uh, I'm sorry, man.
02:25We was there first.
02:26How'd he go in front of us?
02:27He's Chris Rock.
02:28Take care.
02:34Hey, let's go come from over there.
02:37Come here.
02:40Damn that Chris Rock.
02:41How's he just going to walk in and steal my place in line?
02:44And who the hell is that nurse?
02:46Oh, he can go ahead.
02:47He's Chris Rock.
02:49That's not the only thing he stole of mine.
02:51But I'm not going to go into it right now.
02:53I'm just going to let it go.
02:56But I tell you this much, America.
02:58We're both comedians.
02:59We're both do jokes.
03:00Now y'all figure it out.
03:04Uncle Bernie, I can't see.
03:10This is conjunctivitis.
03:12This is easy to spread, so we have to wipe down everything she touches.
03:16Uncle Bernie, I have a pink eye.
03:18Don't touch me right now, okay?
03:20Bernie.
03:21No, no, baby.
03:21I got a poking hand tonight.
03:22You know, and plus, look at that.
03:23I ain't never seen nothing look that doggone nasty in my life.
03:26Well, you were the one watching her.
03:30It's Chris Rock fault.
03:31He distracted me from that coming back to my life routine.
03:34If he hadn't done that, she wouldn't be going blind.
03:36I'm blind?
03:37Not yet.
03:37No, baby.
03:38Girl, don't touch me.
03:39I don't mean it like that, but don't touch me.
03:43Hey, hey, hey.
03:44I took a chance to be at home, and look at this.
03:46Come on, you want to play?
03:47Say that.
03:47No, I'm working for you.
03:49Yeah?
03:49You know how I sometimes just like to do it?
03:51Yeah.
03:52Well, I got a surprise for you.
03:53What'd you get?
03:53He's only one of the biggest stars in Hollywood.
03:55Come on in, Chris.
03:57Oh, come on, Jerry.
03:58You don't have to say all of that.
03:59You ain't tell us Chris Rock was swinging by, man.
04:03What's up?
04:03I'm Kelly, man.
04:04Big fan, man.
04:06Big fan.
04:07What's up, man?
04:08WB, man.
04:09You know you don't look that skinny on TV, player.
04:11Hey, man, I loved you in the Green Mile.
04:13Oh, Green Mile.
04:15What's up, man?
04:16Chewy, man.
04:17I love footy tan.
04:18Oh, so you the one that saw it, huh?
04:20My mother didn't see that one.
04:22Oh, he quick.
04:23He quick, man.
04:24He quick.
04:25Hey, uh, uh, why don't y'all deal them in if you want to play, man?
04:29I'm going to get some cold beers for everybody.
04:31Hey, Jerry, why don't you leave me in the kitchen and have them with your beers?
04:33What's that?
04:34Come in, man.
04:36Jerry, what the hell are you doing bringing Chris into my house, man?
04:38What?
04:39Bernie, we were talking.
04:41Your name came up.
04:42He said you were brilliant.
04:43I agreed.
04:44Then I told him about the poker game, and here we are, cold kicking it.
04:47Man, me and Chris, man, we...
04:48We're going to be co-hosting the Urban Image Awards together.
04:51And you know what?
04:51Don't thank me.
04:52What?
04:52Oh, yeah, the UIAs.
04:54Oh, Bernie, it's a hot new award show.
04:55It's very noble.
04:56What they do is they give props to a lot of little poor kids who rise above their surroundings.
05:03Oh, man, you funny, man.
05:05I'm a big fan, man.
05:06Big fan.
05:07Jerry, you had no right.
05:09You should have checked with me first, man.
05:10Come on.
05:11I'm telling you, this is very important.
05:12You want to do this.
05:14We're going to get a Tonight Show spot out of this.
05:16Oh, oh, you funny, man.
05:19Brilliant.
05:20Oh, man, you missed it, man.
05:22Funniest stuff I ever heard in my life.
05:25He was talking about when he was at the clinic earlier today, right?
05:27And now his son had his kids got these little nasty little beaver teeth.
05:31Little beaver teeth?
05:31Cut right through metal.
05:33It cut through metal.
05:34And the doctor gave his kid a shot?
05:36Man, Dr. Kohart gave him a shot.
05:38And the kid bit him.
05:39And then the doctor had to give himself a shot.
05:41He bit Dr. Kohart, and Dr. Kohart had to shoot himself.
05:44Genius!
05:45I don't know where you come up with this stuff, man.
05:47Oh, yeah, he know where he come up with it.
05:50He get it from me.
05:51What are you talking about?
05:54Chris, you know damn well what I mean, man.
05:56It was at the doctor's office earlier, man.
05:58All that stuff I was saying.
05:59Yeah, we had a few laughs at the doctor's office,
06:02but I don't remember who said what.
06:04I wasn't counting, you know?
06:05No, no, no, you never do.
06:06That's funny.
06:07You never do remember nothing.
06:08But I guess the leper don't change his spots, huh, skunk?
06:11Spot, skunk.
06:12Skunks don't have spots.
06:15Okay, what are you trying to say?
06:16Bernie, you need to relax, okay?
06:18Get out of my house, Chris.
06:19All right, so it's like that, all right?
06:21I'm out.
06:22Yeah, that's my line, too.
06:25Is this your walk?
06:27Want me to give it back?
06:29Let's move on, Chris.
06:33Um, am I missing the joke?
06:35You know something?
06:36You're making my job very hard, okay?
06:38I mean, this is...
06:40It's so undope.
06:42Yeah, earn your keep.
06:45I thought he was funny.
06:47Yeah, I know he did.
06:48Wiping my phone.
06:49What's that?
06:51Now that's funny.
06:59Okay, Bern, everybody's gone.
07:01You want to tell me what that was all about?
07:03Yeah, I'll tell you what it's all about.
07:04It's about that doggone Chris Rock.
07:06He's a joke thief.
07:09You're joking, right?
07:10Like I'm joking, Jerry?
07:11I'm serious.
07:13It happened a long time ago.
07:14It was that Mr. Laugh.
07:16I remember like it was yesterday.
07:18And then that thieving son of a...
07:21It's too much weave in here for me.
07:23Look at this.
07:24He's got so much horse-haired hot dog on here.
07:26I can still see the jocky boot
07:27when he be kicking up upside the head.
07:30Now you funny, man.
07:31Okay, ladies and gentlemen,
07:33put your hands together for Chris Rock.
07:36I don't get it, man.
07:37Tear it down, man.
07:38I'm behind you, man.
07:39If you leave, I'll pick up.
07:42All right, hey.
07:44Boy, there sure is a lot of hair weaves in here tonight.
07:50Boy, you got so much horse hair in your weave,
07:53I can see the mark on the side of your head
07:55where the jocky was kicking you.
07:57Where the jocky was kicking you.
08:00Who's weave in?
08:02I don't know what you're doing.
08:03He's supposed to...
08:06My hair in Rock, it's hilarious.
08:08I don't know how he comes up with stuff like that.
08:11It doesn't.
08:12I don't know how he comes up with stuff like that.
08:16I love it.
08:18Okay, just wait a second.
08:20So let me just get this straight.
08:21You want me to take you out of the awards show?
08:23Right.
08:24Right.
08:25Because I'm your manager.
08:26So whatever you want, it's done.
08:28Cool, pull me.
08:30Pull...
08:30Good, you're out.
08:32Yep, no problem here.
08:34I mean, we're not even going to worry about the backlash.
08:37The backlash?
08:38Yeah, look, Bernie, no offense,
08:41but your peeps, they can be very particular.
08:43My peeps?
08:44I mean, look, as you well know,
08:45they could be a very fickle crowd.
08:47I mean, do you remember how they booed Whitney?
08:48And I'm just worried that if you're not there,
08:52people might take that the wrong way
08:54and turn against you.
08:55Ain't nobody going to turn against me, Jerry.
08:57And I ain't got nothing to do with Whitney.
08:58No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
08:59Of course not.
08:59Of course not.
09:00So you know what we're going to do?
09:01We're just going to keep this on the down low,
09:03and your peeps, they won't even worry about it.
09:04I can't understand you no more, Jerry.
09:06The peeps and down low.
09:07Man, talk to me like a white man.
09:09It is bad PR for you
09:11if you do not do it.
09:12Why didn't you just say that, Jerry?
09:14All right, then.
09:15I'll do it.
09:15Good.
09:16Peace out.
09:19You feel better?
09:20Mm-hmm.
09:21Good.
09:22She gets to miss another day of school?
09:24Yes, Jordan.
09:25Her pink eye is still contagious.
09:26I have the eye side of a mole,
09:28and you make me go to school every day.
09:30That's right.
09:31So you better get a move on, Mr. Mole.
09:34And I'll get you a washcloth
09:35and clean out your sleepy little peepers.
09:43It looks gross, but does it hurt?
09:45No.
09:46Not even when you pee?
09:47Uh-uh.
09:48But do they have to give you bad medicine and shots?
09:50No.
09:51Gentilitis is fun.
09:52Wow.
09:53I got to get me some of that.
09:56Hey, Jordan.
09:57Don't touch your sister.
09:58You're not even supposed to be in here.
10:00Get your little self out of here.
10:01Now go before you catch it, too.
10:05So, Bernie, I was thinking about
10:07doing some father material tonight.
10:08Now, I hope that's okay,
10:09or did you write all the father jokes?
10:11Oh, come on, Chris.
10:12You know it's okay, man.
10:13I never make fun of your daddy.
10:15Last time I saw you,
10:16Peppy was fighting the alley cat
10:18for a piece of fish.
10:18You know he won.
10:19He was always good people.
10:21Yeah, your daddy's so black,
10:22lightning bugs follow him in the daytime.
10:24True that, true that.
10:25We all dog people.
10:26How's your sister doing, man?
10:27I heard she made a million dollars, man.
10:29She charged a dollar headed to me,
10:31and me, Marty.
10:31Yeah, well, your sister was right there going...
10:33Well, I don't know.
10:34What else is it saying?
10:35Well, hold up, hold up.
10:36Hello.
10:37Hey, what's up, Marty?
10:39Yeah, I'd love to.
10:40Well, send the script to Mark.
10:41I'll read it.
10:42Let's go crazy.
10:43Yeah.
10:44All right, all right.
10:45I'll talk to you.
10:46I might play De Niro's partner.
10:47Oh, yeah.
10:48Oh, yeah.
10:48It's all right.
10:49It's all right.
10:49Yeah, okay.
10:50Okay, hold on.
10:51Hello, hello, Shaq.
10:53Big fella.
10:54What's blinds?
10:55We're still on tonight, 7 o'clock at the Palm.
10:59Sure you're right.
11:01Hang up.
11:01Ain't no mic, too.
11:02I mean, the big fella breaking bread.
11:06Hey, what's up, Shaq?
11:08It's Rock.
11:09Yeah, I'm only in town for one night.
11:11Well, let's have some dinner.
11:13Oh, you got a plan.
11:15Okay.
11:16All right, well, let's do it next time.
11:17Peace out.
11:19I told you, ain't no mic.
11:21Ain't no...
11:21Hold on, hold on.
11:23Hello?
11:25Shaq, big fella.
11:27What's your mama sick?
11:30Yeah.
11:31Yeah.
11:31All right.
11:32I understand.
11:34Yeah, mama sick.
11:35Hold on a second.
11:37Hey.
11:39Hey, what's up, Shaq?
11:41Oh, you can do it now.
11:44Good, good, good.
11:45Yeah.
11:46I'll see you at the Palm at 8.
11:49Cool.
11:53First he steal my joke.
11:54Now he's stealin' the big man.
11:57Scorsese movies.
11:59Hate him.
12:00I mean, not you, Mr. Scorsese.
12:02I mean, feel free to call him any time you want, okay?
12:03I do movies.
12:04I work with Soderbergh.
12:05Give it to me.
12:06Give me that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky sky.
12:09Give it to me.
12:10Give me that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky sky.
12:13Give it to me.
12:14Give it to me.
12:15Give it to me.
12:16Give it to me.
12:17Give it to me.
12:17Give it to me.
12:18Let's sweet, that funky sky.
12:19Yo-ho!
12:20Go!
12:28What are you doin' with this?
12:30Give it back!
12:31It's mine!
12:32Uncle Bernie's right.
12:34You are soft.
12:49You are so lucky you got the pink gold.
12:55Now you don't have to go to school!
12:56You did this on purpose.
12:58You were tryin' to get pink-eyed.
13:00Aunt Wanda!
13:01No, please, no!
13:02No, no, no, no!
13:02Aunt Wanda!
13:03Shh!
13:03I'll do anything you want!
13:04Anything!
13:05Anything?
13:07Anything!
13:08Okay.
13:09You want the pink gold?
13:11It's gonna cost you.
13:13How much?
13:14Everything.
13:16Now, go make me some pudding, and not the instant kind.
13:21Mm-hmm.
13:23I'll admit it.
13:24The whole Shaq thing, that was whack.
13:26That was absolutely whack, okay?
13:27I am down.
13:29I am down with not being up with that.
13:31But you gotta squash this thing, Bernie.
13:33How about I squash him like a damn tick, huh, Jerry?
13:34No, you gotta remember what's important here.
13:36You're right.
13:37My peeps.
13:38No, the Tonight Show, my peeps.
13:40What?
13:40Yeah, you gotta be the bigger man.
13:42Well, I always gotta be the damn bigger man all the time, Jerry.
13:45Chris Rock, he the one started.
13:46He stole my joke.
13:47I don't wanna be the bigger man.
13:48I wanna be the petty little man.
13:50Are you hearing yourself right now?
13:51Yeah, big man here, real good, real fine.
13:53Talk to him, big man.
13:56Please, please.
13:57Chris, you and I need to talk, man.
13:59What, you need to make some more phone calls?
14:00I'm for real, Chris.
14:01We need to talk.
14:02You know what, Bernie?
14:03It's about time.
14:04What's wrong?
14:04Ten years ago, you stole my hair weave joke.
14:06Bernie, why would I steal a weave joke?
14:09I can't understand it either.
14:10Okay.
14:11We were hanging out.
14:12We all did the same type of material.
14:13And you know what?
14:15If I did, it wasn't intentional.
14:17Bernie, I studied your act.
14:19It was like the Bible to me.
14:21Yeah, it's possible that something just got stuck in my mind.
14:24It's possible.
14:26America, it's possible that Elvis is still alive.
14:29And it's also possible that Michael Jackson ain't crazy.
14:32And it's possible that Chewie really did see Booty Tank.
14:37Actually, that is possible.
14:39I looked up to you, man.
14:41And when you cut me off like that, it really hurt.
14:44You did?
14:45Bernie, you were like a mentor to me.
14:46You showed me the ropes.
14:48You took me around.
14:49And then you just cut me off cold.
14:52Over a weave joke?
14:56Oh, my God.
14:59America, I just realized something.
15:01That he was just influenced by my genius.
15:05Still, they say, is the highest form of flattery.
15:07And maybe Bernie Mac should be flattered.
15:11Mentor, maybe I was.
15:14It's possible, America.
15:16It's highly possible.
15:25This is deli mustard.
15:27And I asked for Dijon.
15:28No, you didn't.
15:30I think I did.
15:32Now, where's my pickle?
15:38And here you go.
15:41Oh, I'm going to have mad, stupid pus.
15:44Okay, when we come back, two of the funniest guys around, Chris Rock and Bernie Mac, right after this.
15:51Bernie, we made it.
15:53You and I, we made it.
15:54Tonight's show, doing big concerts.
15:58This is great, man.
16:00Well, one thing for damn show, little brother, you made it.
16:04Chris, you got Grammys and Emmys and movies, man.
16:06I'm going to tell you, I'm proud of you, man.
16:08But you know what?
16:09That's not important.
16:10You know what's important?
16:11What?
16:12Friendship.
16:13You and I are friends.
16:15You know, I can't believe I'm in a position to just throw you a bone like this.
16:22Throw me a bone?
16:24What you mean by that, Chris?
16:25Getting you this gig is my way of saying thank you, Bernie.
16:29I'm throwing you a bone, man.
16:30Come on, eat your bone, Bernie.
16:32Throw me a bone?
16:33Giving me some pity job?
16:35Bernie Mac don't need no bone.
16:38Okay, we'll see.
16:40You want to throw me some bones?
16:41Fine, fine.
16:43When I'm done with him, ain't going to be nothing left but a pile of bones.
16:47I'm the Mac.
16:48Welcome back.
16:49Folks, if you appreciate comedy, you know my next two guests.
16:51Please welcome Chris Rock and Bernie Mac.
17:13Now, I know you guys are co-hosting the Urban Image Awards, which is ebonics for no white people.
17:18Isn't that what that means?
17:20What is that?
17:20What is that all about?
17:21There's a bunch of brothers, man, who just got out of the penitentiary to change their lives.
17:26And we're going to try to do a little something.
17:28Is that right, Chris?
17:28Yeah.
17:28Yeah.
17:29It's about...
17:30I'll handle this, Chris.
17:30I've been giving back to the community for a long, long time.
17:34You know that.
17:34I've been a mentor to a lot of young kids, not just black, but I was a mentor to Chris.
17:41Really?
17:42Oh, shoot.
17:43Yeah, man.
17:45So he got a lot of what he does from you.
17:48Got a lot.
17:49Let me tell you, Chris, a lot of people think Chris is me, you know?
17:52Really?
17:53Wow.
17:54You know, back in the day, Chris used to come to the comedy clubs.
17:56He used to always tell those stupid jokes.
17:58You know, he was so skinny.
18:00I mean, look at him naked, like looking at his x-rays, you know what I mean?
18:03Yeah.
18:05And his family folks were so damn poor, they used to put cereal in the layaway.
18:09Really?
18:16So, Chris, you based a lot of your humor on Bernie, is that right?
18:19I can't make fun of Bernie Mac here.
18:21Bernie Mac's from a very smart family.
18:23You know, his aunt was the first million-dollar prostitute.
18:27Really?
18:28Yes.
18:29You want to know how she made a million dollars?
18:30She charged a dollar a head at the Million Man March.
18:35Chris, that is great stuff.
18:37I don't know where you get it.
18:38America, y'all know.
18:40For me.
18:45Shoot.
18:52Oh, great.
18:54The one disease I can't get.
18:56God, why have you forsaken me?
19:01Wait a minute.
19:04I think so.
19:06I think I got it.
19:08Thank you, Lord.
19:10Jordan, what's going on?
19:12Nothing.
19:14Oh, no.
19:15You too?
19:17Oh, it's okay.
19:17I don't mind.
19:18Now you're going to miss your school's airfare.
19:21You don't mind that your classmates are going to ride in the helicopter without you?
19:25Airfare?
19:26Mm-hmm.
19:27Helicopter?
19:28This week?
19:29Sorry, sweetie.
19:30I'll go get the medicine.
19:32You don't touch nothing.
19:37You give with one hand and you take with the other.
19:44All right, Chris, man.
19:46How are we going to leave this, man?
19:48Bernie, I didn't take your material, okay?
19:51I admire you, man.
19:52I've been admiring you for a long time.
19:54And every now and then, you know what?
19:56I'm going to sound like you.
19:57But just consider it a compliment.
20:00I look up to you, man.
20:02Hey, there was times you sounded like Red.
20:04There's times you sounded like Bill.
20:06There's times you sounded like Richard.
20:08I remember one time you sounded like Roseanne.
20:11Hey, man, I look up to you, man.
20:13Consider it a compliment.
20:15Yeah, but you stole my material tonight.
20:17Yeah, I stole your joke tonight because of the way you was acting.
20:20I wanted to smack you with a brick.
20:25You're right.
20:26Hey, man, we're family.
20:28We're family, huh?
20:30Yo, think of the family better come on and say goodnight to the kids.
20:32You know, they think you're funny to me.
20:34Those are some smart kids.
20:36Hey, I love you, man.
20:39I love you, too, man.
20:40Jordan be doing your voice and all your mysterious stuff, man.
20:42Plus, wanting to cook you hungry?
20:44Oh, yeah.
20:44I think we'll have some pink-eyed salmon.
20:48And your co-hosts, Chris Rock and Bernie Mac.
20:52Bernie, my eye's killing me, man.
20:55I can't read this teleprompter.
20:57You think you can help me out?
20:58Don't worry, baby.
21:00I got the jokes.
21:01You leave.
21:04I know that was my opinion, Mac.
21:07But hey, he threw me a bone.
21:09I had to give a little back.
21:13Oh, come on.
21:14Don't look at me like that.
21:15Just let it go, America.
21:16Just let it go.
21:20I had to give a little back.
21:24Oh, come on.
21:25Don't look at me like that.
21:26Just let it go, America.
21:28Just let it go.
21:31Oh, if Chris was a little taller, it wouldn't be no thing.
21:33Because if you're a little man picking on a big man, that's what y'all always say.
21:37Poor little man, big man picking on a little man.
21:39Well, see, big man can't win.
21:41See, if a big man beat on a little man, poor thing.
21:44If a little man beat him, why you let that little man whoop your ass?
21:47Pop, go the weasel.
21:49Until the weasel go pop.
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