The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:17I'm sorry, America.
00:19I just read baby girl five bedtime books in a row.
00:22My brain is goo.
00:24What is it with these doggone children books?
00:27Why are they still making it so damn simple?
00:29A is for Apple.
00:30No kidding.
00:31A hundred years of children books, and it's still all they got.
00:34And it's not those books, it's the audio tape, or the videos, television show.
00:38Where's Waldo?
00:40Where the hell is Bernie Mac's life?
00:42I know this by heart.
00:44And he jumped over the canyon.
00:54Hey, hey, hey.
00:56Stop skipping this.
00:58It's a place of business.
01:00We're going to get your valet shoes, and that's it.
01:02We leave.
01:02Come on.
01:08Nobody talking about you.
01:09Come on.
01:10Good being notes.
01:11Come on.
01:15I'm walking.
01:18Ow!
01:21I'm sorry.
01:22Come on.
01:23You don't going to worry about it.
01:24Hey, baby.
01:24Hi.
01:26Hey, baby.
01:27Hey.
01:28Hey.
01:28Hey.
01:29Hey.
01:29Remember Duke?
01:30Yes, I do.
01:30Hey, dog.
01:31What's up, Duke?
01:31Back, man.
01:32Good to see you, man.
01:33Good to see you.
01:33Hey, hey.
01:34Here, say hey to Duke.
01:35Oh, hey.
01:36How are you doing?
01:36Okay.
01:37Well, I'll leave you two minutes to talk, and I'll go get Brianna's shoes.
01:39Okay.
01:39I'll come with you.
01:40Oh, okay.
01:40What's going on, man?
01:41Things are great, man.
01:42Uncle Bernie, can I have some candy?
01:44No, no, no.
01:44Get down from there, baby girl.
01:46You know better than that.
01:46Stop it.
01:48Yeah, yeah.
01:48I mean, it's okay.
01:49It's not okay.
01:50They don't need anything.
01:51So what's going on, man?
01:52Oh, things are great, man.
01:53And thanks to your wife there, man, she did us to close.
01:55We did close an awesome deal.
01:56No kidding.
01:57Yeah, man.
01:57We don't know what we'd do without her.
01:59Oh, boy.
01:59Can I have this?
02:01Put that down.
02:02Put that down.
02:02Straight into your pocket.
02:04That's sharp.
02:05Yeah.
02:06Duke, I see you travel a lot, huh?
02:07Yeah, yeah.
02:07Well, it comes with the territory.
02:09Yeah, I see, man.
02:10Jordan, Jordan, put both your hands in your pocket right now.
02:14I used to travel a lot, man.
02:16You know, before I got the kids.
02:18Yeah.
02:18Uncle Bernie.
02:19Yeah, yeah.
02:20Uncle Bernie.
02:21Uncle Bernie.
02:22Uncle Bernie.
02:23Uncle Bernie.
02:24Uncle Bernie.
02:25Uncle Bernie.
02:26Baby girl, baby girl.
02:26Uncle Bernie.
02:27Baby girl, baby girl, baby girl.
02:29Stop it.
02:30I don't know, man.
02:33Yeah, yeah, daddy.
02:34No.
02:34Look at this food here.
02:36Let's go.
02:38Oh, Lord.
02:38I won't be choking there.
02:40Come on.
02:42Uh, uh, look, look, Duke.
02:44Uncle Bernie.
02:44I think it's going to be time for us to get on out of here, man.
02:46Hey, honey, here's the shoes.
02:47Yeah, yeah, baby, baby.
02:49We're going to get on out of here.
02:49Yeah.
02:50Come on, come on, kids.
02:51Come on, come on.
02:51Get out of here, office.
02:52Let's go.
02:52Come on, come on.
02:53Let's go.
02:54But look.
02:57Uh, last, last call.
02:59We're going to get on out of here, Duke.
03:00It's nice meeting you, man.
03:02Yeah.
03:02Anybody got to go to the potty?
03:03Nessa?
03:04Hello?
03:05I'm 14.
03:05Oh, okay.
03:06Well, we're going to get on out of here, baby girl.
03:08Come on.
03:08Okay.
03:09Okay?
03:09All right.
03:09I'll see you at home.
03:10See you, Duke.
03:11Bye, kids.
03:14Sorry.
03:19Kids in bed?
03:20Finally.
03:22I know one thing.
03:23I'm telling a baby girl tomorrow now I'm reading her four books instead of five.
03:27Oh, what about you?
03:29Tell me about your day.
03:31Your boss will tell me about some figma jay that you did for some whatchamacola.
03:34Oh, Barney, it was so exciting.
03:36I still can't believe that our client came in and basically handed us their entire western
03:40region with the promise that when the GMI merger is complete, that we will get to implement
03:45the new system as well.
03:46Damn.
03:47Did I make the kids lunches?
03:49I'll do it in the morning.
03:51George's going to want to want pudding.
03:53Oh, that boy makes me so doggone, man.
03:57Boy got his tie caught in the shredder.
03:59Now I got to get him a new one.
04:00Wait.
04:02What was my baby saying?
04:03Shh, I missed a story.
04:06Maybe I should just just nod.
04:10Here are my eyes are getting heavy.
04:13I must listen.
04:16I'm focused.
04:19Damn.
04:22Kids, goodnight, moon.
04:26Stop the grave.
04:27Hey.
04:38Hey, baby.
04:39Hey, honey.
04:40Hey, honey.
04:41I'm sorry about last night.
04:43No, sweetie.
04:43It's okay.
04:44No, it's not okay, man.
04:45You was telling me about your big deal.
04:47I want to hear about it.
04:47I'm sorry.
04:48Don't worry, baby.
04:49It's no big deal.
04:50Whoa, whoa.
04:51No big deal?
04:53America, that's my wife.
04:54I don't want no marriage that's on autopilot.
04:56The next thing you know, if you're sleeping in separate beds, I'd be calling a mother.
05:00I ain't having that.
05:01See, it's no damn kids turning my brain into mush.
05:03And it ain't just me, America.
05:05It's happening to you.
05:06If you don't believe me, check it out.
05:17Now, after school, we'll go to the parky-warky for some rosy-rosies.
05:21I love you, Davey-Rabies.
05:22Don't forget to drink all your moo-moo milk today.
05:25Baby, wavey, Davey, wavey, boo-boo, baby, boo.
05:29You see what I'm saying?
05:33Hello?
05:34Hey, honey.
05:35We've been invited to a party on Saturday.
05:38Oh, baby, I don't know.
05:39I don't think I'm up to no doggone party.
05:41All those kids, they stick your hand pawing and clawing at me.
05:43I don't know.
05:44Well, honey, we've been invited by Duke and his wife for a dinner party.
05:49An adult party?
05:50Mm-hmm.
05:51Oh!
05:52I'm going to an adult party.
05:53Party, I'm going to a grown-fone party.
05:55You ever been to an adult party?
05:57Hey, baby, excuse me.
05:58I'm going to an adult party.
06:01It's an adult party, America.
06:03An adult party.
06:04Will they be drinking and cussing?
06:16I don't know.
06:17I don't know.
06:18I don't know.
06:18Baby, what's that one-eyed girl name up the street?
06:22Cyclops.
06:23Um, Amy?
06:25Yeah, I'm going to call.
06:26I wanted to babysit y'all Saturday.
06:27Babysitter?
06:28Yeah.
06:28Me and I wanted to go out to a party.
06:30I don't know why you're so worried about a babysitter.
06:33I mean, you should just be thinking about going out to your party and enjoying yourself.
06:38Enjoying myself?
06:39Yeah, and I'll watch the kids.
06:41No.
06:41It'll be my pleasure.
06:42No.
06:42I'll feed them.
06:43I'll put them to bed and read them a few stories.
06:46Then I'll kick back and have a good cigar.
06:48What?
06:48I'm just kidding.
06:49A joke.
06:51Uh, Bernie, I think that Vanessa can watch them for a few hours just as well as anyone
06:55else can.
06:56I mean, God knows she's watched them a million times in Chicago.
06:59Mm-hmm.
07:00I don't know.
07:00I don't know.
07:01I just don't feel right for a prisoner to watch the prisoners.
07:03Well, I'll give you the family discount.
07:05You're not going to give me anything.
07:06I'm going to take the family discount.
07:08I'm going to tell you one thing, too, Nessa.
07:09If anything happens, I'm going to hold you responsible.
07:15You know what, man?
07:16This spot here is real nice.
07:19It's real nice.
07:19Thank you very much.
07:20Well, I'm glad you could make it, man.
07:21Yeah, man.
07:22You know, this is what I'm talking about, man.
07:23Good food, good people, man, and no kids.
07:27Yeah.
07:27Yeah.
07:28Well, Bernie brought the kids by the office today.
07:30Really?
07:30How many do you have?
07:33Um, I have three.
07:34But I don't want to talk about it.
07:35Not tonight.
07:36Oh, come on.
07:38Do you have any pictures?
07:39Oh, yes.
07:40Pictures.
07:40Yes, we do.
07:41Oh, great.
07:42Howdy, show them.
07:43Here you go.
07:45Oh, Bernie, you must have spit them out.
07:47No, I didn't.
07:47That's my sister.
07:48My sister spit them out.
07:49Oh, yeah.
07:50That's right here.
07:51That's right here.
07:52That's the one that broke my shredder.
07:54Oh!
07:55Yeah, he breaks a lot of people.
07:56Oh, they're so cute.
07:58Oh, they're so cute.
07:58Forgive me.
07:59Oh.
08:00All right, you guys.
08:01Listen up.
08:02After you're done eating your ice cream, actually brush your teeth.
08:06And then you can watch TV.
08:11Where do you think you're going?
08:12To watch TV.
08:13Not with that ice cream.
08:15If you spill that, Uncle Bernie will have my head.
08:17Just chill.
08:18Uncle Bernie's not here.
08:20Yeah, but he left me in charge.
08:23Got it?
08:24Okay, Uncle Bernie, you're in charge.
08:30Dude, this sushi is amazing, man.
08:33This is wonderful.
08:34Are you going to eat your salmon?
08:35Yeah.
08:36Deborah has four kids of her own.
08:37Two sets of twins, right?
08:39Uh-huh.
08:39And Pedro.
08:40Two of whom I am the proud godmother of.
08:43A boy and a girl, Miles and Sophia.
08:45Oh, they are three and the cutest things you've ever seen.
08:48I have a picture of them from the christening, right?
08:50And they are no bigger than a tennis ball, right?
08:52But they're fine now.
08:54Anyway, tell me what.
08:55That's jet fuel bill.
08:57America, what more can one have to say to that guy?
09:00I mean, she talk to the man each and every day.
09:02Why doesn't Duke talk to his own boring-ass wife?
09:05How your kids doing?
09:06Deborah has kids.
09:07Kids, kids, kids.
09:09Shut up.
09:13Look.
09:17Oh, yeah.
09:22Yeah, you're in charge, Vanessa.
09:24In charge of the dark.
09:29Okay.
09:31Time's up.
09:32Hands is down.
09:33Baby, hold on.
09:34Hold on.
09:35There.
09:35Hands is down.
09:37Okay.
09:38Okay.
09:38Here we go.
09:39Here we go.
09:40Ah, yes.
09:42Famous TV personalities, starting with the letter T.
09:44Ted Koppel.
09:46That's a good one.
09:47Tony Danza.
09:49Bam!
09:49Toni Morrison!
09:51She's an author.
09:53She's on Oprah all the time.
09:54That's right.
09:54That's right.
09:55Well, I got Ted Lang.
09:57Who?
09:57Who?
09:58Ted Lang.
09:59You know.
10:00Love Bo.
10:01Oh, all right, all right.
10:03Shibbity, shibbity, baby.
10:04What about Ted Lang?
10:06What you got, Bernie?
10:07I got three Ts.
10:09Ooh.
10:10Good, baby.
10:10Tony the Tiger.
10:14Seriously?
10:22That's your answer?
10:22Baby, we're playing the adult version.
10:25Have you all heard of Tony the Tiger?
10:27Yeah.
10:27Where?
10:28On television.
10:29I rest my case.
10:30That's three points.
10:32Hey, Tony.
10:32He gave me his three points, baby.
10:34He gave me his three points.
10:35He gave me his three points.
10:36I wouldn't have said it.
10:38Uh, D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D.
10:39Things That Fly?
10:40I got TWA.
10:42Aw.
10:42Maybe that's what I got.
10:43Oh, you got it?
10:44That's what I got.
10:45I had it, too, baby.
10:47I got something different.
10:50Tinkerbell.
10:53That's baby girl's favorite.
10:55No, you didn't just say Tinkerbell.
10:59Tinkerbell.
11:01That's your answer, Tinkerbell.
11:04Two points.
11:05America, do you see what's going on here?
11:07They're ganging up on me.
11:09They're player-hating.
11:10Tinkerbell's a good damn answer.
11:12It's not my fault I got those crumb snatchers on my brain.
11:26I'm scared.
11:28It's okay, Brianna.
11:29Just calm down, okay?
11:31First, we're gonna turn the lights on, and then I'm gonna kill Jordan.
11:38You are dead!
11:44Oh, my God.
11:45Uncle Bernie's mask.
11:47All right, that's it.
11:48You're getting your butt whipped.
11:50Uncle Bernie's that guy who hit me.
11:51Who said anything about Uncle Bernie?
11:53Ow!
11:54Ow!
11:54No, stop it, please!
11:55Ow!
11:55Yeah!
11:56Ow!
11:57Ow!
12:01Okay.
12:04Famous, uh, famous Brits.
12:06Yeah.
12:06Tom Jones.
12:07Mmm.
12:08I have Tony Blair.
12:10Bernie?
12:16I'll pass on this one.
12:17Oh, no, no.
12:19Please.
12:20Come on, honey.
12:20I saw you writing.
12:21What did you put?
12:22Tom Thumb?
12:25Probably more like Tweety Bird.
12:28Oh!
12:31Y'all got jokes.
12:32Oh, come on, honey.
12:33Let me see.
12:33Oh, baby, let me see.
12:36Wow!
12:38What do you got?
12:40Tinky Winky.
12:42You gotta be kidding.
12:45Damn!
12:47Tinky Winky.
12:49That's your answer, Tinky Winky?
12:52Man, you made that up.
12:53I didn't make it up.
12:55I didn't.
12:56Tinky Winky is a Teletubby.
12:58They come on every morning at 6.30.
13:00Tinky Winky, Dempsey, Poe, and Lala.
13:04And they're all British.
13:05No, I don't know.
13:07I didn't know what the name is.
13:08What kind of name is Tinky Winky?
13:10What kind of damn name is Duke?
13:11Who?
13:12Duke is a dog's name.
13:15Come here, Duke.
13:17Fetch, Duke.
13:18Sit, Duke.
13:20Ha, ha.
13:38I've been a dog's name on me, Duke.
13:41Now, if you go to Tinky Winky, then I'll see you.
14:01Hey, baby.
14:04Wait enough for your money, huh?
14:06How'd it go?
14:07It couldn't have gone smoother.
14:09Nessa, you did good.
14:12You did.
14:21Mr. Ejogway!
14:24I thought you told me everything was good, Nessa.
14:26Jordan did it.
14:27It was your responsibility.
14:29You're supposed to be acting like a dog on a dog.
14:30Nessa, you dropped the ball.
14:32What the heck am I supposed to do now?
14:33You're supposed to hop down to Africa and get an African warrior real quick?
14:41T.
14:41T.
14:44Don't ask me.
14:45Don't ask me, babysit, no more.
14:46Hear me?
14:53Hey, baby.
14:55You still ain't talking to me, huh?
14:58All right, fine.
14:59You were totally out of line.
15:00Oh, I was out of line.
15:01Yes, you were.
15:02Baby, Duke was ganging up on me all night.
15:04You both was ganging up on me all night.
15:05All night was you and him, him and you.
15:07What's this you and him?
15:08What you think it is?
15:09The man busting my chops all night, you heaping them on, that's you and him.
15:12Tinky Winky, come on, honey, you're a comedian.
15:14You can't take a little fun ribbing.
15:16It was just a game.
15:17A game mean you're supposed to play, baby.
15:19You're supposed to be on my team.
15:23Bernie, that was my boss.
15:25My baby ain't got no boss.
15:27You need to apologize.
15:29Apologize?
15:30America, I'm the one that's been wrong.
15:32My woman wants me to apologize.
15:35All the popping right on the top of his nose.
15:37But you know what?
15:39Bernie let it go.
15:40If she wants me to apologize, America, fine.
15:42I'll be the bigger man.
15:45She over there, my woman.
15:53Yeah, all right.
15:53So I'll be down there shortly.
15:55Yeah.
15:57I'm going to stay right there, okay?
15:59Hey, Bernie.
16:00How you doing, man?
16:01Look, Wanda's not in the office.
16:02She's out at a meeting.
16:03Can I help you?
16:03Look, Duke, I know.
16:04I'm here to see you.
16:05Look, the other night, man,
16:07some things were said.
16:08Man, hey, there's no need to apologize.
16:10No, no.
16:11Duke, I have to apologize.
16:13Man, because I was out of line,
16:14I was a guest in your home,
16:15and I was out of pocket.
16:16No, no, no.
16:17It was completely unnecessary.
16:18Look, look, I understand.
16:19You know, you probably had the kids on your mind.
16:21I see how they drive you crazy.
16:23Hey, man, I don't envy you.
16:24And I love that you don't,
16:26but I got to apologize to you.
16:27I must.
16:28So I'm saying to you,
16:30I apologize.
16:31I don't accept it.
16:31You got to accept it.
16:32I refuse.
16:34Look here, Duke.
16:34Let me tell you something.
16:35Ow!
16:36I'm burning.
16:37I'm burning.
16:38I thought I told you kids to wait outside.
16:40But I got a splinter.
16:42Excuse me, Duke.
16:43Let me look at it.
16:45Oh, ain't you a brave little girl?
16:47Oh, don't it hurt?
16:51It did until you said something, Duke.
16:53Hey, I'm sorry.
16:54I mean, I just assumed, you know,
16:55this girl got a splinter.
16:56The next best thing is to take her to the hospital, right?
16:58Bye, hospital!
17:00Yeah, maybe I'll have to cut it all off.
17:02They're going to cut off nothing.
17:03They're going to...
17:04You ain't helping me now, Nick, brother.
17:06I'm tired.
17:06No, no, no, look at you.
17:07Look at you.
17:07You're going to get blood all over the carpet.
17:09Back up, okay?
17:10Back up.
17:11Don't cry, baby girl.
17:13I have a splinter bird.
17:15And I'm hungry for some splinter worms.
17:18Mister, do you have some?
17:20I don't have it.
17:20Listen to me, America.
17:22Listen how stupid I sound.
17:23Splinter worms.
17:26How about you?
17:27You have a splinter?
17:28I think so.
17:30Oh, let me look at it.
17:31Oh, right here, right here.
17:33Oh, no, no, no.
17:34It's okay.
17:35Look.
17:36Now, do you still have a splinter?
17:39It's good.
17:41Because of my mouth.
17:44See?
17:44You did good, baby girl.
17:46And Uncle Bernie proud of you.
17:48Thank you, Uncle Bernie.
17:49You're welcome.
17:53Now, that's a real name.
17:58Oh, man, I take it back, man.
18:01I do envy you.
18:03And I apologize, okay?
18:05Come on, let's get on out of here.
18:06They would have given us some help.
18:07When I tell you to do something, you stay with I tell you to do.
18:19Jordan's been coughing?
18:20You're doing better now.
18:23I heard you came by the office this afternoon.
18:26How'd it go?
18:28Duke and I, we talk.
18:29We put aside our deficits.
18:31We're okay.
18:32You want to talk about it?
18:36Well, I'm tired, you know?
18:38Plus, I still got to deal with the kids, you know?
18:41They're fangeless job, but guess what?
18:43Somebody got to do it.
18:52Jordan!
18:54Jordan!
18:56Don't forget, tomorrow, I want you to rake that whole yard.
18:58You got me?
18:59This is so unfair.
19:00Why do I have to be punished twice?
19:01Unless I already spanked me.
19:03What?
19:03Nessa whooped you?
19:04Yeah, you should punish her.
19:06Nessa!
19:08Nessa!
19:08Wait.
19:09Hey, Uncle Bernie, you need my belt?
19:10Nessa!
19:12Hey, my sweet, sweet Nessa.
19:15Why didn't you tell me you whooped Jordan?
19:16Well, he wouldn't listen.
19:18What'd you use, a belt switch?
19:19My hand.
19:20Come on.
19:22You poor thing.
19:23Look, what you did about four hours, you did four hours.
19:26I think I should double.
19:27Plus, you know, you take this.
19:30You got a little bump in there.
19:32Tell everybody.
19:32Ooh, Uncle Bernie, you should have been there.
19:34I whipped him hard.
19:35Did you break the skin?
19:36Yeah, I tried.
19:37You're good people.
19:43There's hope for the girl yet.
19:45I misjudged her, America.
19:47I've done wrong.
19:56Well, you're getting ready to take a bath, huh?
19:59I'm going to go and get the kids something to eat.
20:00A Bernie.
20:02Wanda, I don't really feel like arguing.
20:04I really don't.
20:05Neither do I.
20:06Honey, I know I haven't been sensitive to how taxing the kids are.
20:10And you do everything day in and day out.
20:13And I know that it takes its toll.
20:17Thank you, baby, for going back to your mean bath, okay?
20:20Actually, baby, this mean bath is for you.
20:22I got to get the kids something to eat, huh?
20:24I got the kids.
20:26You have some Bernie Mac time.
20:37America, we'll talk another time.
20:40For the good time.
20:48For the good time.
20:55Of the birth child.
20:56You know, since you're, you know, you're responsible for their spiritual growth.
20:59Do you feel me?
21:00Are you getting this?
21:01All right.
21:01Well, anyway, so me and Debbie, we go way back.
21:03So she said, would you be a godmother?
21:05I was like, are you kidding?
21:06I would love it.
21:15That's terrible.
21:19Let's get this party started.
21:20Please.
21:21Let's do it.
21:21Let's do it.
21:22Let's do it.
21:22Let's do it.
21:23Oh, Jesus.
21:25You got...
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