The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:18Chess America, I love it, it's my game.
00:22See, that's because Bernie Mac's a thinking man.
00:25Unfortunately, I'm playing by myself, again.
00:28No one to play with.
00:30See, my baby Wanda, she's more of a card player.
00:32And those kids, please.
00:34See, baby, they ain't got it up here.
00:36See, it's the stuff they're into today.
00:38See, back in my day, games like Monopoly,
00:40we learned about real estate, operation, be a doctor, learn surgery.
00:45Today, it's all about video games.
00:48Learn to steal cars and be a samurai.
00:50Yeah, that's right.
00:51Please, they turn their brain into mush.
00:54I'm raising three stooges.
00:56That's right.
00:56Okay, check it out.
00:57I'm a nitwit.
00:58You're a nitwit.
00:59We're a nitwit family.
01:01Yippee!
01:02Baby girl, please, not so loud.
01:04Uncle Bernie, will you buy me another nitwit?
01:06One nitwit in the house is enough.
01:09But I need it.
01:10They're sisters.
01:11She's the only child.
01:14See, America, if it was a book, I wouldn't have a problem.
01:18Oh, no.
01:18But it's not.
01:19It's a nitwit.
01:21The latest fad of mindless, worthless crap that's sweeping the nation.
01:25That's right.
01:25And it doesn't enrich the child, it deritches the parent.
01:28I mean, come on, America.
01:30They call it nitwit.
01:32The name says it all.
01:49Hey, Mark!
01:53Hey, Mark!
01:55Hey, Mark!
01:58Hey, Jordan.
02:00What you guys doing?
02:00Paintball wash.
02:01We play every day after school up at the wash.
02:04Pretty sweet, huh?
02:06Whoa.
02:08You gotta get a gun, Jordan.
02:09It's so much fun, I got a welt on my arm the size of an egg.
02:13You wanna touch it?
02:16Does it hurt?
02:17Yeah.
02:19Cool.
02:21I'm burning!
02:22I'm burning!
02:23I'm burning!
02:23I'm burning!
02:23I'm burning!
02:24I'm burning!
02:24I'm burning!
02:24I need a paintball gun!
02:24You need to learn how to ask people more promptly, Jordan.
02:27Uncle Bernie, may I please help paintball gun?
02:30Hell no.
02:31But why?
02:32You're the last person that needs a gun of any kind, Jordan.
02:35Uncle Bernie, that's not fair!
02:36Please!
02:37No!
02:37Please!
02:38No!
02:38Please!
02:39No!
02:39Please!
02:41No, Jordan!
02:42No!
02:43Please!
02:43No!
02:44Please!
02:44No!
02:45Please!
02:46No!
02:48Please!
02:50Stop!
02:50Hey!
02:54Hello, Mr. Mac.
02:56This is Jordan's principal, Father Crowe.
02:59We're having a problem at the school.
03:02Seems he's the only boy without a paintball gun.
03:05Shame on you.
03:08Hi, Uncle Bernie.
03:10This is Aunt Wanda.
03:12I think you should really get Jordan a paintball gun.
03:15And a nitwit doll.
03:19Hey, Bernie.
03:20This is your poker friend, Chewy.
03:22I was just thinking you should go and get Jordan a paintball gun.
03:24He really deserves it, man.
03:27Can you believe that, America?
03:29They think they're slick.
03:31This is Aunt Wanda.
03:34That boy's too soft and dumb.
03:36But see, this is what get me.
03:38The litho kids will go through for a paintball gun or a nitwit doll.
03:42Well, they better start bringing some better game than that, America.
03:47They better start bringing some better game than that.
03:52She tried.
03:56Hey, kid.
03:57What's up?
03:58Look, Uncle Bernie.
03:59Your toilet's sparkling clean.
04:00Wow, sure is.
04:02You all did a good job.
04:03Did we get a reward, Uncle Bernie?
04:06Ah.
04:08Nice tries.
04:09Nice.
04:11Oh, I got your reward.
04:13Oh, I got your reward.
04:16Yeah.
04:18Here you go.
04:19Here.
04:20Dine for you and a quarter for you.
04:21Come on.
04:22Let's go.
04:22Scoop.
04:23Come on.
04:25Hey, kids.
04:26Stand by.
04:27Bye.
04:33To how, Uncle Bernie?
04:35What were you doing in here?
04:36I was just wondering if you'd reconsider your position on the paintball gun.
04:40Hell no, boy.
04:40Give me that towel.
04:42Huh?
04:45This has gone too far, America.
04:47That child got boundary issues.
04:49I can't get a moment piece in my own house.
04:52He's only like a leech.
04:55Walking around my own house with a damp ass.
04:59So what?
05:01I mean, you had plenty of stupid toys when you were a kid.
05:04A slinky, Bernie?
05:05I mean, come on.
05:06That doesn't require a whole lot of thinking.
05:07Man, what you talking about?
05:08A slinky walk up and down the stairs.
05:10That's physics.
05:11They just want to be kids, sweetie.
05:12Hey, Nessa.
05:13There you go.
05:14Oh, freeze.
05:16Hold, hold, hold this, baby.
05:19What's that on your lip, Nessa?
05:20What are you talking about?
05:21You know what I'm talking about.
05:22You wasn't born in that color.
05:23Go in there and scrub that stuff off.
05:24What's the big deal?
05:25All the girls in school wear lipstick.
05:27Good.
05:27You be the only one that ain't pregnant.
05:28Now go in there and scrub it off, Nessa.
05:30Your fat self.
05:31All you young girls today walking around with y'all,
05:33poppin' hot ass and all that fan hype.
05:36More mindlessness.
05:38Makeup at 14?
05:40Oh, I'm telling you, America.
05:41See, raising kids like playing chess,
05:44you gotta counter every idiotic move they make.
05:47Cause what is parenting anyway?
05:49I'll tell you what it is.
05:50See, it's keeping your kids ignorant in check.
05:53It's really very simple,
05:54considering they never formulate anything more
05:56than a basic attack anyway.
05:59Watch this.
06:00What's on your mind, baby girl?
06:03I want it as a nitwit doll.
06:05Well, what's your opening move?
06:07I want it!
06:10Dazzling, huh?
06:12No!
06:13Check.
06:14Dig it.
06:16Take your best shot, Nessa.
06:18I don't see why I can't wear makeup.
06:20You want me to act like an adult, but you won't treat me like one,
06:23and it's not fair.
06:25It's not fair.
06:27Pathetic effort.
06:28Real basic stuff.
06:29A simple counter should do it.
06:32Nessa, no self-respecting 14-year-old girl need to be covered up with makeup
06:37to go to English class.
06:38Well, Jennifer Wang wears makeup, and she is class valedictorian.
06:41Well, I tell you what, gorgeous.
06:43When you become valedictorian head of your class,
06:45then you can wear makeup.
06:48Check.
06:50America?
06:50It's really too easy.
06:52See, these kids don't realize they're playing with the Grand Master.
06:56You heard of Big Blue?
06:57Well, Bernie Mac and Big Black.
06:59Now, Jordan, your turn.
07:02Good news, travel fast.
07:05But where is that boy?
07:11Was this supposed to be me?
07:13You wouldn't buy me a paintball gun, so I made one myself, see?
07:27Come on!
07:31Well, Jordan, you proved my case.
07:33My paintball's fun.
07:36I see.
07:40Check the ignorance, America.
07:42Check the ignorance.
07:45Check.
07:51There you are, baby girl.
07:52Hey, I bought you something from the toy store.
07:54Is it a Knitwood doll?
07:55No, ma'am.
07:56Something better than a Knitwood doll.
07:58A Knitwood character?
07:59Nope.
08:00It's Professor Who.
08:01And you know what else?
08:02It's fun and it's smart.
08:04And I got a surprise for you.
08:05Look.
08:06Hello, baby girl!
08:08He knows me!
08:09He sure does.
08:10And he's gonna teach you how to spell and do your math.
08:12Yay!
08:13Hey, son.
08:14How you feel?
08:14You feel better?
08:15My poops are still blue.
08:17Shoot.
08:18You're looking to have to poop your stomach.
08:20I just want to play a war game.
08:21Son, that's why I'm trying to teach you chess.
08:23It's the greatest war game ever played.
08:25Really?
08:26Shoot.
08:26Why do you think Kings played?
08:28Kings played?
08:29Come here, boy.
08:30Not just Kings, man.
08:32It's a Mack family tradition.
08:33My Uncle Ellister taught me and his father taught him.
08:36Uncle Ellister taught you?
08:38Sure did.
08:38That's why I'm gonna teach you.
08:39Tapping the horses?
08:40This ain't Monopoly.
08:41Hey, hey.
08:42That's two down.
08:43You see?
08:44I just changed my play to fit the boy's personality.
08:48Yeah, it's true.
08:49My man Jordan liked guns.
08:51He liked killing stuff.
08:52But deep down inside, he's a sweet little normal kid.
08:56That's right.
08:56Who likes to do things with his uncle.
09:00In fact, I hope you don't cry when I beat her.
09:06Now, Nessa, she requires a different approach.
09:09Here we come.
09:12Let's see.
09:15Good Lord, babe.
09:16Would you use a whole doggone thing on her?
09:18Honey, this is the same amount of makeup I wear.
09:20And I think I look good.
09:22All right, listen.
09:23You and I make a deal.
09:25You bring that C, and now it's up to a B.
09:27And I can wear anything I want?
09:29No.
09:30You can wear a little cheek stuff,
09:31and maybe some petroleum jelly on your lips.
09:33No stick.
09:34Clear.
09:35Well, what if I get straight A's?
09:37If you get straight A's, then you can dress yourself up
09:41like a rodeo clown, all I care.
09:43Get a B.
09:44See?
09:45Nessa just need a little opportunity to prove me wrong.
09:48And I hope she does.
09:49And if you keep it up, she'll probably get in the harbor.
09:52Wouldn't that be good?
09:53See, America?
09:54It's like I say, it's all about chess.
09:56I got each and every one of those kids right where I want them.
10:00America?
10:01A little strategy go a long way.
10:04You better think, think, think about what you're trying to do to me.
10:09Think, think, think, let your mind go, let yourself be free.
10:13Let's go back, let's go back, let's go way on the way back when.
10:18I didn't even know you...
10:19Wait, wait, wait, hold, hold, hold, hold.
10:21Jordan, Jordan, come on, come on.
10:23Why did you do that?
10:25I don't know.
10:26Remember, Jordan, it's not just a piece of itself.
10:28This is just a tool.
10:30But you playing the man on the other side of the board,
10:32and understanding his nature is how you become a great chess player.
10:37You understand?
10:38Good.
10:39Now, son, try it again.
10:42But this time...
10:52Hey, hey, hey, remember what I told you now.
10:54The key to chess is all the way thick in the head, Jordan.
10:57But once you're able to do that, son, you got it.
11:01Uncle Bernie?
11:02Yeah, baby?
11:02I don't understand money.
11:04Well, that's all right.
11:05A lot of women got that problem.
11:07How many $1 bills are in a $5 bill?
11:10Oh.
11:11Hold on, let me show you something.
11:13All right, now look, pay attention.
11:15Sweetheart, this is a $5 bill.
11:17See that?
11:18Five.
11:19And these are five singles.
11:20Their value is worth $5.
11:23One, two, three, four, five.
11:27You understand?
11:28I think so.
11:29Good.
11:29Uncle Bernie?
11:31Hmm?
11:31Can I practice with those?
11:33Sure, baby girl.
11:34You practice your money.
11:35Make your uncle proud.
11:38Now, I don't want to say she's slow, America,
11:40but she's not even bright enough to realize she's learning something.
11:44And she, like, talking to that owl so much,
11:46she's forgotten about the Knitwood doll.
11:48Showing up?
11:50She don't even realize.
11:52Baby, you bought baby girl another Knitwood?
11:54I didn't buy it.
11:55I just took her to the store.
11:57She saved her own money.
11:58How'd she save her own money?
11:59She's sick.
12:00She ain't got no money.
12:01What'd she do, liquidate her portfolio?
12:03Baby girl, where'd you get the money to buy this doll?
12:06You!
12:07Me?
12:10That little skunk.
12:12I didn't get over on her, America, she got over on me.
12:16Ticking my money to buy that little ugly rag.
12:19But at least I still have Jordan and Nessa under my control.
12:22Do you know that Nessa was getting up an hour early to go to study group before school?
12:27See this book report?
12:28She was in such a rush to go study, she'd forget it.
12:32I better go running over to her.
12:37America?
12:41I think I'm proud of her.
12:55I don't know if this is my color.
12:57I mean I think I need something a little bit darker.
12:59Not to make too big of a statement, but just something that says...
13:03Nessa.
13:05You forgot your book report, baby.
13:11I can't believe you betrayed my doggone trust because you want some rosy cheeks.
13:14I can't believe that.
13:16But you did.
13:17Okay, fine.
13:18Now you want rosy cheeks, you're gonna get it.
13:20To the point where you can't sit down.
13:21Go on in your room.
13:22Get out of my face.
13:25I'll give you everything and you still ain't satisfied.
13:28At least I still have the boy, America.
13:31He won't let me down.
13:32That's my boy.
13:41Figure out your next move?
13:43Maybe.
13:43Oh.
13:46Cocky, huh?
13:47Yeah.
13:48I like that.
13:49It's nice.
13:50Real nice.
13:52Bustle move.
13:54Shaboom.
13:56Shabing!
13:59Mate.
14:00Mate?
14:01What you mean, mate?
14:02I ain't no mate.
14:07Doggone Jordan of the air.
14:09It's a mate, Jordan.
14:10Look at you.
14:12Good move, son.
14:13I'm proud of you.
14:14You used your head on that one.
14:16Good move.
14:17Thanks, Uncle Bernie.
14:17That was fun.
14:18Maybe we could do other stuff together.
14:20I don't mind.
14:21Like what?
14:22Like paintball.
14:23Yeah, you could buy us guns and we could play together.
14:26I see.
14:29So this is what it's all about, right, Jordan?
14:32You never was interested in no doggone chess.
14:34You buttered me up so I could buy you a gun, huh?
14:37Kinda.
14:53I hate my Uncle Bernie.
14:55Why?
14:55He made me own chess for nothing.
14:57He won't buy me a paintball gun.
14:59So just take mine.
15:00What will you use?
15:01I'll just get another one.
15:03Your parents will do that?
15:05My dad ran off as a hygienist.
15:08My mom buys me anything I want.
15:10You're so lucky.
15:25What you all happy about?
15:26Nothing.
15:27I'm just in the good mood.
15:28Yeah, okay.
15:32Hey, hey, hey, baby girl.
15:33Hey, come here, come here.
15:34What?
15:35What's up?
15:36Can I play paintball too?
15:39What's up with y'all and this paintball stuff?
15:41Jordan got a new paintball gun and hit her under my bed.
15:44What?
15:47Let me see this, baby.
15:51I hope you gave her something real nice for this.
15:53Cause you ain't never gonna play with it.
15:55So the only way you gonna play with this paintball gun is with me.
15:58That ain't never gonna happen.
16:04Stupid Uncle Brony.
16:05I've been saying that since we got here.
16:08I mean, how does he always catch us?
16:10It's like he's always two steps ahead.
16:12Yeah, it's like he's using my nature like in chess.
16:16Like in chess.
16:17Yes.
16:22I've got an idea.
16:23He said the only way I'm gonna play paintball is if he's playing it with me.
16:27And that's exactly what he's gotta do.
16:29How are you gonna get him to do that?
16:31I'm gonna use his nature.
16:33And I'm gonna cover him in paint.
16:35You in?
16:36Yeah, but you know he's gonna beat our butts.
16:39Probably, but it'll be worth it.
16:42I'm gonna start by using that little tattletale.
16:52Uncle Brony's making me return my net went down.
16:56Serves you right for getting me in trouble.
16:58I'm sorry.
16:59It doesn't matter because I'm still playing paintball as soon as you guys leave the house.
17:03Really?
17:04Yeah, but you can't tell Uncle Brony.
17:06He already got me in trouble once.
17:08I won't.
17:09I promise.
17:15Come on, baby girl.
17:17That's right.
17:19And in case you get any bright ideas, I'm taking this with me.
17:30You can pout all you wanna be.
17:33Let the teacher try to play Uncle Brony.
17:35I don't know why you three kids won't wise up.
17:37And I'll tell you something else.
17:39You ain't gonna be half as mad as your brother gonna be.
17:41Come on, get in there.
17:44He's not mad.
17:44He's playing paintball.
17:46Oops.
17:47What you mean, oops?
17:48Brother ain't playing no paintball.
17:50That's what he said.
17:51How you gonna be playing paintball and I got his gun right here?
17:54Look at...
17:57You know something?
17:58You kidding something else.
17:59You think I'm playing?
18:00Where your brother at?
18:00Where your brother at, baby girl?
18:02But I promise.
18:03I don't care what you found.
18:04Where your brother at?
18:05At the empty lot.
18:07Yeah, I figured that.
18:07That's where we're going.
18:09Matter of fact, that's where y'all gonna be living.
18:10At the empty lot.
18:11I'm sending y'all back to the state.
18:13Don't they feed y'all applesauce and graham crackers.
18:15No.
18:17You better play, baby.
18:19Hang about what you trying to do to me.
18:22Think...
18:22Think...
18:23That you might gonna let me say.
18:26Whoa!
18:26Yes, boy, yes, boy.
18:28Let's go.
18:29You know where that, boy.
18:31I didn't see...
18:32You wouldn't have been too much more than tamed.
18:35I ain't know fine country.
18:36I ain't know fine country.
18:37I ain't know fine country.
18:37I ain't know fine country.
18:37I ain't know fine country.
18:38I'm telling you.
18:40Oh, oh, oh.
18:41John!
18:41Jordan, I see you, Jordan.
18:45Come on, let's go.
18:47We're going home.
18:47No!
18:48Who you talking to, son?
18:49I said, let's go what I mean now.
18:51All right.
18:52Can I at least keep the flag?
18:54Jordan, you're not keeping nothing.
18:55Let's go what I mean now.
18:56Uncle Bernie!
18:57What?
18:57He's got the flag!
19:03Uncle Bernie, use the gun!
19:05Yeah, you think I am?
19:06Give me that, give me that!
19:11Keep the flag!
19:13Keep the flag!
19:14Keep the flag!
19:15Keep the flag!
19:17Keep the flag!
19:19Keep the flag!
19:21Keep the flag!
19:22Keep the flag!
19:22Keep the flag!
19:23Keep the flag!
19:23Keep the flag!
19:24You playing baseball, Uncle Bernie?
19:26Yeah, I know.
19:27Tell him to stop.
19:28I can't!
19:29We're not on the same team!
19:31You think I don't know that?
19:33Checkmate!
19:34Checkmate?
19:35What that mean?
19:36I told Brianna not to tell you, but I knew she would,
19:39because that's her nature!
19:40And I knew you'd try to come and stop me because that's your nature!
19:43But I tricked you into playing paintball because that's my nature!
19:46Yeah, okay, nature!
19:49I don't know what you tagged me for, son,
19:51because I got you dead in my sight!
19:56And I got you in mine!
19:59Nessa!
20:00Nessa!
20:01How do you like my makeup?
20:02You want some more makeup?
20:07Come on, Nessa!
20:08Come on!
20:09Come on!
20:11Hey!
20:12Don't do it!
20:14Don't...
20:14Don't...
20:14Don't do it!
20:15Catch him, Bernie!
20:17Burn the hole!
20:22Can you believe that, America?
20:24The whole time I was playing chess with those kids, one was playing back.
20:29And all because I wanted to expand their mind.
20:33America, don't do it.
20:35See, because they're already smart enough.
20:37Because if you do, you might end up like me.
20:41Did you know there was something called a paintzooka?
20:43Look at this.
20:46Well, it is.
20:47But it's very accurate, too.
20:48But I got news for you, America.
20:50I know you're all against it.
20:51But I got to whoop both of their asses.
20:53That's right.
20:54Oh, that smart boy probably already figured it out.
20:57But I'm gonna do it anyway.
20:59People with glasses, they always something.
21:01They had a guy in my room named Jonathan Sale.
21:03He had bifocals.
21:05You know he can do the whole encyclopedia.
21:08Backwards.
21:10Oh, where is it?
21:12Yeah.
21:14They coming off?
21:15They said it, though.
21:20This is your knight?
21:22I'm sorry.
21:23Look, son.
21:24This is your knight.
21:25It's the defender of the realm.
21:27It protects and it guards.
21:30Okay?
21:31You're not just trying to find out and understand, you stupid...
21:41Let me chew on it for a while.
21:43Look at it.
21:49Jesus Christ.
21:50No?
21:51Oh...
21:53Oh, look.
21:56Oh, my God, there's a killer medic.
21:56No kork.
21:56So come do that...
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