The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.
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#berniemacshow #berniemac #sitcom #comedy #classiccomedy #comedygold #familycomedy #tvseries #funnyclips #tvclassics #cultclassic #comedymoments #throwbacktv #2000stv #entertainment #retroshows #iconicshows #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #nostalgia #television #comedyshow #legendarycomedy #dailymotion #mustwatchtv #classicseries #laughoutloud #familysitcom #tvlegend
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FunTranscript
00:00Who are you with?
00:23You might as well slide them over here, Chewy.
00:25You don't intimidate me, man.
00:27Something does.
00:29The look on your face show, you ain't got jacked.
00:31Or you lost your green card.
00:34K's got me.
00:38Man, it's so good to be back in the dark town.
00:40Yeah, yeah.
00:41You know what I'm talking about?
00:42You know, playing cards?
00:44You know, cold kicking it?
00:45With the home...
00:46All right, fine.
00:47You know what?
00:47You want to tell them about your thing?
00:48Tell them about your movie.
00:49Come on.
00:50Jerry, come on.
00:50This is my first hand, man.
00:52I'm waiting on a log, man.
00:53Yo, yo, man.
00:54What movie?
00:55It's called Conrad Paraglia.
00:58My first leading role.
00:59They called me today.
01:01What?
01:02Go ahead, boy.
01:04That is right.
01:04It was a coup.
01:05I mean, we've been waiting for a role like this for a very long time.
01:08Denzel falls out.
01:10Bernie falls in.
01:11Denzel Washington?
01:12Oh, no.
01:12Actually, it's Denzel Shapiro from the deli.
01:14Do you know him, jackass?
01:17Anyway, to the living, Bernie plays an ex-track star who suffers from a stroke.
01:21Okay?
01:22So it's a really dramatic role.
01:23So people are going to finally get to see that the big man has got some range.
01:28What's up, baby?
01:29Man, I sound like a downer.
01:31Why don't you do that movie you were telling us about?
01:33What was that?
01:34Fat House.
01:35Yeah, you know the one where you say, I'm in the house.
01:38Right?
01:39I'm in the house.
01:40Yeah, man.
01:41You see Morgan doing Fat House?
01:44Denzel?
01:45Larry Fishburne?
01:46You don't see them doing Fat House.
01:47I'm in the house.
01:49You don't see them doing that.
01:50Come on, man.
01:51Those guys are serious actors.
01:58You come in my house and you insult my talent.
02:01You drink my beer, smoke my cigars, eat my chips, right?
02:03Oh, come on, B-Dog.
02:04It's not like that, okay?
02:05You know it's not like that.
02:06No, it's like that to me.
02:07It's like that to me.
02:09So if you feel like that, stop drinking my beer, smoking my cigars, and eating my chips,
02:15and get the hell out of my house.
02:20Uh-huh.
02:22Okay.
02:28You still think I ain't no serious actor, huh?
02:34Hey, hey.
02:35Hey, man, that Conrad is on my list.
02:38America, I'm excited.
02:40Boy, in the past, Bernie Mac has read for and lost some pretty damn good par.
02:44Yes, I have.
02:45Training Day, that could've been me.
02:47Denzel got it.
02:49Bag of Vans.
02:50Will Smith punk ass got that, said I wasn't mystical enough.
02:55Bernie Mac is plenty mystical, let me tell you.
02:57But, you know, they just thought of me as a funny man, you know, comedian.
03:01Red nose, you know, but I'm much more than that.
03:03And now, with Conrad's prerogative, I get to prove it.
03:08When I show up on that set Monday, America, I'm...
03:13Oh, man. That may be a problem.
03:18Hey, Wanda!
03:21Hey. Hey, baby.
03:22Hey, hey.
03:23Who gonna watch the kids?
03:24What?
03:25Talking about Jo and Brianna.
03:26Let's get out of school too doggone late.
03:28I can't find no babysitter strong enough to watch her for eight weeks.
03:31Uh, okay. Relax, and I will handle it.
03:33Baby, you've been busting your tail on this here at Shima County.
03:37Hirasaki.
03:38Yeah.
03:38And I will take care of it.
03:40I will pick the kids up after school and drop them off at the daycare at work
03:43and pick up some takeout on the way home.
03:47Girl, you just saved production.
03:49Mm-hmm.
03:52How about it, Vanessa? You wanna hang out?
03:56Can you believe he actually sat next to me again?
04:00Oh, and did you smell his cologne?
04:01Yeah, but at least it covered up the smell of the bus.
04:04Well, at least we only arrived for 15 minutes.
04:07They get bussed over an hour.
04:09It's torture.
04:10Alright, well look, I'm gonna get to gym.
04:12Okay, see you at lunch.
04:13Bye.
04:16Hello?
04:20I'll bet you anything he's not racing the class.
04:22I can't race.
04:23I'm Terry, by the way.
04:25Vanessa.
04:25There's no way we're gonna have fun for now.
04:27Come and talk to me.
04:28You got guys?
04:28I know.
04:29There goes the Sididi committee.
04:31C-c-c-corny.
04:32That was a cute bag she had though, huh?
04:34I wish I could afford me some Gucci, you know?
04:37Yeah, I know.
04:39Oh, come on.
04:40Can't we just stay at home?
04:41Jordan, I told you.
04:43There's no one there to watch you.
04:44Now stop it.
04:45I don't have time for this.
04:46I won't burn anything this time.
04:47That's what you said last time.
04:50Hi.
04:50Hi.
04:51I'm Molly, and you must be Brianna, and you must be Jordan.
04:56I think I feel a chicken pot coming home.
04:58Jordan, I said stop it.
05:00Now go in there.
05:01There'll be lots of kids for you to play with.
05:14Well, your throwing arm still works.
05:17You know what, Conrad?
05:18Walk, don't walk.
05:19I get paid just the same.
05:22There you go.
05:24Cut.
05:25I'm sorry, people.
05:26We have a lighting problem.
05:27Take five.
05:28Hey, hey, hey, hey.
05:29Hey, hey.
05:31You see this?
05:32This is a tear, okay?
05:34I did not want to wipe it until you saw that.
05:35You like the scene, huh?
05:36Light?
05:37Are you kidding?
05:39Dog, I wanted to hump it.
05:41That felt nice.
05:42Real nice.
05:43I know really nice.
05:43Listen to this.
05:44This morning, we just got an offer for the urban remake of the Bad News Bears, okay?
05:48It's called the Junkyard Dogs.
05:50Pass.
05:51Bernie, Charlie Staron is the concerned social worker, okay?
05:54Pass.
05:55Bernie, it's double your quote.
05:57Pass.
06:00I like it when you pass.
06:01Watch this, okay?
06:03This is gonna be really fun.
06:03I'm just gonna act really, really insulted with the first offer.
06:06Watch this.
06:07I know you mean it.
06:09Give me Bob.
06:12I don't mean to have a big head, America.
06:14But two years ago, I would have jumped through hoops for something like Junkyard Dogs.
06:19But not today.
06:20It's time for people to get to know Bernie Mac, the actor.
06:23Bernard Mac, if you will.
06:25What?
06:27Lauren Fishburne did.
06:28He used to be Larry.
06:29Now, if you would excuse me, I've gotta learn my lines for tomorrow.
06:42Hey, Vanessa.
06:43Hey, Terry.
06:44How's it going?
06:45Good.
06:46But have you ever had Mrs. Voltner?
06:48It's a wig.
06:51Oh, man.
06:52Is that that new B2K?
06:54Yeah.
06:54It's really good.
06:55You have it?
06:56Nah.
06:57I've been meaning to get it, but you know.
07:00Well, take this one.
07:02For real?
07:03That's like 14 bucks.
07:05I got two for my birthday.
07:07You can return that.
07:08Get yourself some Jay-Z.
07:10Nah.
07:10Take it.
07:12Appreciate it.
07:17Hey, we're having fun.
07:22Daycare's not about fun.
07:24Daycare's about keeping children quiet and out of their parents' hair.
07:28So you don't care if we have fun?
07:29I think we understand each other.
07:31Now, who wants to watch George and the Magic Buggy?
07:34Me, too.
07:44Sorry.
07:44Sorry, honey.
07:45I got stuck on a conference call just here.
07:46It turned into a nightmare.
07:48See, that's why I don't marry beautiful women who work.
07:51Uh-huh.
07:51Yeah.
07:52Uh-huh.
07:52That's why.
07:53No worries, baby.
07:54I save the projector for you.
07:56Just settle on down.
07:57Now, listen, everybody.
07:58This is raw footage.
07:59It hasn't been edited.
08:00Just raw Bernie Mac.
08:02Daylies, okay?
08:02We get it, man.
08:03Roll it.
08:03Okay.
08:04And...
08:05Action!
08:07Well, your throwing arm still works.
08:09You know what, Conrad?
08:11Walk, don't walk.
08:13I get paid just the same.
08:15Oh!
08:16Oh!
08:16There you go!
08:24Boy, hush.
08:25Well, you look funny and drooling and everything.
08:29Stop.
08:30Uh, Jordan.
08:31It's not funny.
08:33Now, don't make fun of...
08:37Come on, now.
08:38Why don't you encourage the boy?
08:40I'm sorry.
08:41I mean...
08:47All right.
08:48That's okay.
08:49It was the first take of the day at 6 a.m.
08:52And I hadn't even had my coffee yet.
08:54I get better.
08:55Much better.
08:56I'll just show him another take.
08:58Walk.
08:59Don't walk.
09:00I get paid just the same.
09:05Look, he feels drooling.
09:08Lovey, lovey!
09:09Look at him!
09:13Look at him!
09:14Ooh!
09:16Ooh!
09:16Ooh!
09:17Jesus!
09:19What do you know about fine art?
09:22Awesome!
09:31You ever had a whole room laughing at you, Jerry?
09:33It's horrible.
09:34All right.
09:34Well, B, no offense to the peeps, but come on.
09:37Okay?
09:38Who cares?
09:39It only matters what the studio thinks.
09:40And the studio did not think it was funny.
09:43You spoke to the studio?
09:44Indeed I did.
09:45And guess what?
09:46What?
09:46It's all good, player.
09:47There's one tiny major concern.
09:51You know, they just wanted to make sure that you knew that this wasn't a comedy.
09:55I knew it was what?
09:56Huh?
09:56What's Tiny doing in that sentence, Jerry?
09:58What?
09:59Ain't nothing tiny about what you just said.
10:00Tiny walking around here messing everything up.
10:02Put Tiny out!
10:03Okay, you know what?
10:04You know what?
10:05Big Papa?
10:05Big Papa, relax.
10:06Okay?
10:07I took care of everything.
10:08I blamed them.
10:09Do you know what I told them?
10:11No.
10:11I told them, what the hell do you expect?
10:13He just got to par two days ago.
10:15Oh.
10:15He needs time to prepare.
10:17You said that.
10:18Yes, I did.
10:19He needs time to do research.
10:21You did good.
10:23You're right.
10:24That's what I need to do.
10:26I need to go on a research model.
10:28True that.
10:28Hey, Vanessa.
10:31Can you believe how hot it was last night?
10:33I couldn't sleep.
10:34My cat kept looking a sweat off my neck.
10:36I know.
10:37I mean, I hate the heat.
10:39We don't have a cat.
10:41You ever sat so long in front of the fridge that the light blew out?
10:46Hey.
10:47Oh, hey, Donna.
10:48This is Terry.
10:49Oh, hi.
10:50So this is Terry.
10:51Vanessa does not shut up about you.
10:53Okay.
10:54What's so funny?
10:55Oh, you know.
10:56We was just laughing about how nice it would be to have air conditioning.
10:59Vanessa, your house is always so freezing.
11:01What happened?
11:02Bernie Mac blow it out again.
11:04Bernie Mac?
11:05The comedian?
11:07He's kind of my uncle.
11:09Wait.
11:10You live with Bernie Mac?
11:12Then why you been walking around trying to make me think he was broke?
11:15I didn't.
11:15You assumed.
11:16Yeah.
11:17Cause you said things like cooling off in front of the fridge till the light blew out.
11:20Well, what was I supposed to say?
11:21I live with my rich uncle?
11:23Why not?
11:24I just didn't want you to think-
11:25What?
11:26That you better than me?
11:27You not.
11:28But obviously you think you are.
11:29No, I don't.
11:30I'm just like you.
11:31I grew up in the project.
11:33Oh.
11:33So now I'm from the project because then I don't live with Bernie Mac.
11:36Man, you're a bougie little thing.
11:38And I don't need your pity.
11:46I found him underneath the conference table while I was giving a very important presentation.
11:51Oh my goodness.
11:52I am so sorry.
11:54You busted out?
11:56Yeah.
11:57It was amazing.
11:58You just seen all the cool stuff they have in this place.
12:01Like what?
12:02Fountains to play in, storage rooms to raid, elevator buttons to push.
12:08We're surrounded by treasure.
12:10Ooh.
12:12Okay, everyone.
12:13Who wants to watch a video?
12:15Can we watch a cartoon?
12:16Yeah!
12:18No, don't go.
12:19Do you see what she's doing?
12:21She's controlling your mind with cartoons.
12:24You should be running around playing, living it up.
12:32Hey, when did you get into town?
12:34Just a few days ago.
12:36How do you do?
12:37Well, how are you?
12:38I'm fine, thank you.
12:39Well, that hurt myself awful.
12:42Who called you Bougie?
12:43This girl I made friends with at school.
12:46Uh-huh.
12:46I really liked her.
12:48Well, why'd she call you Bougie?
12:50Well, she gets bussed in, right?
12:52Right.
12:52And I didn't want her to think I was part of the Sididi committee.
12:55So I made her think I didn't have much.
12:58And then she found out I was your niece.
13:00Oh, and you thought she wouldn't like you if she knew.
13:02I don't know.
13:03I mean, I just didn't want her to feel bad.
13:06And now she thinks I was pitying her.
13:09Well, Nessa, I'm going to tell you.
13:11You can't go around judging people for what they have,
13:14what they don't have.
13:15Because that's not who they are.
13:17Just like you're no better or worse than when you were
13:19when you were living at Cabrini Green.
13:20You understand?
13:21You just made people like you for you.
13:23That's all you can do.
13:25You just be Nessa.
13:27Oh, and besides, sweetheart, you're not Bougie.
13:32Because you ain't got squat.
13:34I'm the one that got everything.
13:35You just live here.
13:36I mean, you and your brothers and sisters, y'all bums, beggars,
13:39tramps, parasites, ticks, leeches.
13:41That's it.
13:45You know, sometimes when you really want to do your best,
13:48it's good to get advice from one of the best.
13:50And you all know Angela Bassett?
13:52I have to say hello to the fine people.
13:53Hello.
13:54Now, Angela, you are an amazing actress.
13:57You played Rosa Parks, Stella Got It's Groove,
13:59and Benny Shabazz twice.
14:01Tito's mama.
14:03Tito's mama.
14:05Okay.
14:06But you played the big one.
14:08Tina Turner.
14:09Like, baby girl, tell me how you did.
14:10How you managed that?
14:12Well, I began with the physical.
14:13Uh-huh.
14:13You know, the outside in.
14:15Mm-hmm.
14:15The legs, the arms, that kind of thing.
14:17Oh, yeah, the legs and the arms.
14:19You got the python popping, right?
14:21I mean, I'm playing a stroke victim, but ain't no work involved in that.
14:24Well, you know, Vern, it's not always about the appearances.
14:27You know?
14:28Okay, all right, all right.
14:28Yeah, but it is about internalizing the reality.
14:31Uh-huh.
14:31Tell me this, tell me this.
14:32How much time have you actually spent with stroke victims?
14:36You know, witnessing, observing, researching.
14:40Spending time with them?
14:41Yeah.
14:42I knew you had to do that.
14:43I'm just acting.
14:45What?
14:46Nah.
14:51Seriously?
14:52You know what I'm saying?
14:52Nah.
14:52Bernie, that's kindergarten.
14:53It's the foundation.
14:55One, two, three, you know?
14:56I didn't know.
14:57I mean, but I'm going to do it first thing tomorrow.
14:59What did they tell you?
15:00But, Angie, I'm going to do it first thing tomorrow.
15:02First thing tomorrow, America, I'm going to go find me some stroke victims.
15:05Yeah, all right.
15:05Well, you might want to check out the local hospital.
15:11I said I was going to find some stroke victims tomorrow, Angie.
15:14You ain't got to come on here.
15:16I mean, you might be an Oscar nominee and all that kind of stuff.
15:19You know, but you don't have to come out here and try to embarrass me.
15:22No, I wasn't trying to do that, Bernie.
15:24I would never try to embarrass you.
15:26No?
15:27Only here to make it better.
15:29You actors, man.
15:30Impossible.
15:32Y'all actors, y'all do funny style for me.
15:35Don't kid it.
15:42You didn't do all that good, and Tina didn't either.
15:53Mr. Mack, if you need anything, let me know.
15:58Go, Doug.
15:59Okay.
16:09Um, the reason I'm here is I'm playing a man of the same affliction as yourself, and I'm an actor.
16:18No, no, no, no, no.
16:19Listen, I'm telling you that my client right now is becoming Conrad as we speak.
16:23Keep laughing at me.
16:24I quit.
16:26Okay, you know what?
16:26Your lack of faith with me and my client, we both quit.
16:30If I can't play Conrad without making a mock of the man, I ain't gonna do it.
16:34All I want to do is give an honest and sincere portrayal, but it turns out I'm just another
16:39funny face, a damn clown.
16:41And you know it's nothing sadder than the tears of a clown.
16:44We from here, America.
16:47Come on, Angie.
16:48Come on, Angie.
16:48Come on, Angie.
16:49Don't cry.
16:50It's gonna be all right.
16:55I know Bernie.
16:56I was just acting.
16:59You see?
17:00That's how you do it.
17:03Oh, man.
17:06That was good.
17:10A cat?
17:12Nope.
17:13That's your temp cast.
17:14You lose.
17:15It's just lines.
17:17Where's my sister?
17:19She's right over...
17:24Okay, everyone.
17:25Video time.
17:26Video time.
17:27I'll put it in the tape.
17:28I'll put it in the tape.
17:29I'll put it in the tape.
17:30Just find my sister and hurry.
17:32She likes to run on the street.
17:34Oh, God.
17:35Oh, God.
17:39Behold.
17:42Wow!
17:46Oh, hey, Terry.
17:48Can I talk to you?
17:49Oh, what's the matter?
17:50Your little limo not coming to pick you up?
17:53Is this the girl?
17:54Mm-hmm.
17:56Look, I just wanted to apologize.
17:58I never meant...
17:59Whatever, Vanessa.
18:01Say hi to Bernie Mac for me.
18:17It looks like my work here is done.
18:20He-he-he.
18:21You landed that account.
18:23I guess now there's two superstars in the family.
18:27No, just one.
18:28I ain't doing that movie no more.
18:30What do you mean you're not doing the movie?
18:33I'm gonna quit.
18:34Autistic differences.
18:36Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
18:38What happened?
18:39It's all right.
18:40Break it down to you later.
18:42Come on, we got another problem.
18:43Help me.
18:43Come on.
18:46Hey, gorgeous.
18:47Your auntie just landed that big account.
18:50Congratulations.
18:52Uh-oh.
18:54What's the matter?
18:56I tried to apologize to this girl who called me bougie,
18:59but she wasn't hearing it.
19:01Why'd she call you that?
19:02Because she is bougie.
19:04Especially when you be trying to talk all proper
19:06with your friend Donna and them.
19:08Ooh, girl, I wish I had a Gucci purse.
19:10Ooh, girl, I wish I had a Calvin Klein bag.
19:12I don't do that.
19:13When the guy tried to talk to you, you'd be too grand.
19:16You'd be too up.
19:17Your hands on your hip, you'd make your back won't slip.
19:21You bougie, too.
19:22That's what you get it for.
19:23Look how your left ear pop out.
19:24Look how your left ear pop out.
19:26Look how your left ear pop out.
19:27Look how your left ear pop out.
19:27That's what we were talking today.
19:28That's what we were talking today.
19:29That's how your auntie walked.
19:30Come on, show them how she walked.
19:31Come on, man.
19:32Show it to her.
19:33I don't know.
19:34That looks like Tourette.
19:35You look like something wrong with you on that one partner.
19:38Baby girl, come on.
19:39Here it comes.
19:40Give it room.
19:40Boom.
19:41Boom.
19:42Boom.
19:42Boom.
19:43Boom.
19:43Come on.
19:44Come on.
19:45Come on.
19:45Come on.
19:48You see that girl?
19:49America.
19:50Laughing like you didn't have a care in the world.
19:53And here I was, starting to think that being funny was a curse.
19:56Now, I ain't against being serious.
19:58I find me a nice, meaty, non-handicapped, dramatic role, I'm all over.
20:02But being funny, making people laugh, man, that's all I wanted to do in the first place.
20:08But I lost sight of that.
20:10But I'll tell you one thing, America, it ain't never gonna happen again.
20:14Huh.
20:15Never.
20:21You see anything?
20:24Give me some more.
20:26Uh-uh.
20:26You're kidding it.
20:28Never worked.
20:30I ain't kidding.
20:31My stomach hurts.
20:32You see anything?
20:36Give me some more.
20:37Uh-uh.
20:40You're kidding it.
20:40Never worked.
20:40I ain't kidding.
20:42My stomach hurts.
20:43That wouldn't work for me either.
20:47You actives.