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The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.

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Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:19America, kids are like oysters, especially when it comes down to doing homework, because
00:24they like to clam up and pretend like they don't have any.
00:27See, that's why it's the parents' job to dig them out of the mud and get them to open
00:31up.
00:31Then once you do that, you can be that little bit of grit to get inside the shell.
00:36It just irritates them.
00:37I like that.
00:38Because it's the little grain of sand that makes the pearl.
00:41Remember that, America.
00:42Oysters.
00:47And if you can't pull up with the grit, shuck them.
00:50We better get a move on.
00:51We're going to be late.
00:52Come on, baby.
00:52The teachers ain't going nowhere.
00:53They'll be there when we get there.
00:54Come on, let me finish my dinner.
00:56You know, you don't have to go.
00:57Parent night is optional.
00:59Oh, no.
00:59I want to go.
01:00I want to find out what you don't want me to know.
01:02That's where I'm going to go.
01:04I'm doing a science project.
01:06Oh, yeah?
01:07Everyone has to make a model insect.
01:09I'm making a dung beetle.
01:10What's the dung?
01:11I think it's a topic that can wait till after dinner.
01:15Dung's cow poop, stupid.
01:17Hey, hey, hey.
01:18You see we eating dinner, man.
01:19Come on.
01:20That's what the beetles do with their dung.
01:21They stick it in their mouth and mash it up.
01:24And the beetles are free.
01:25They'll come screaming out.
01:27Mmm.
01:29This boy done messed up my appetite.
01:31I think my pie in the truck stankin'.
01:33I want pie.
01:34Stay here and eat your dinner.
01:35Okay.
01:36In truth, Vanessa is one of my favorite students.
01:39Thank you, man.
01:40You know what?
01:41I like to think that we do a good job on keeping up on them.
01:43Actually, I have a theory.
01:45I firmly believe that most kids are like oysters.
01:48Oh, Bernie.
01:49No, actually, I agree with you, Bernie.
01:51I think that, if anything, Vanessa needs to come out of her shell.
01:54She does in gymnastics.
01:56And that's fine.
01:57That's great.
01:58But, you know, I'd like to see her do something that challenges her mind.
02:05Any suggestions?
02:07Student government?
02:08Uh, no.
02:09Definitely not.
02:10What you talking about?
02:11Your teacher said you make a great class officer.
02:13Okay.
02:14Why don't I just run for president?
02:15As a suggestion?
02:17Or how about one of the lesser offices, like class treasurer?
02:20Why don't I just join mathletes?
02:22Uh, excuse you, Miss Thing.
02:25I was class treasurer my sophomore year.
02:27And by my senior year, I was class president.
02:31Yeah, but I'm not like you.
02:33I can't win an election.
02:35Boo.
02:35What you talking about?
02:37You a mech.
02:38You can do anything.
02:39You can put your mind to it.
02:48No one's gonna wear these.
02:51All right.
02:52Buttons.
02:53Can we have some?
02:54Sure.
02:57It doesn't matter.
02:58They're just gonna make you throw them away.
02:59Why?
03:01Ew!
03:04Excuse me.
03:07Who wants money?
03:09I'll take some.
03:10In Chelsea we trust.
03:12This isn't money.
03:13They're coupons.
03:15They're good for free video games at my dad's arcade.
03:17Score!
03:20Want one, Vanessa?
03:25Oh, it's on.
03:27It's on.
03:29What the hell is that?
03:31It's a dung ball.
03:32Isn't it glorious?
03:33It's foul.
03:34I know I had an extra stink.
03:36What happened to the beetle?
03:37I didn't get around to that yet.
03:39You mean to tell me you spent the whole week building the power?
03:41Shh!
03:42It is time to judge the projects.
03:45Judge them?
03:46Whew!
03:47It's a cricket.
03:48And when you rub it on legs, it really chirps.
03:54It's a walking stick, but it's also a pen.
03:58I made one for everybody.
04:00The spider's body is made from...
04:06Marzipan.
04:07Marzipan.
04:20Hello, Bernie.
04:21Can I ask you something?
04:23Yeah, Jordan, yeah.
04:25Am I slow?
04:33America, is that the saddest thing you ever heard?
04:38that poor kid
04:40puts his blood, his sweat
04:42and God knows what else
04:43into this thing
04:45he brings it here all proud
04:48and it make him feel like
04:51like a pile of this
04:58America, you saw those projects
05:00now a single one done by them
05:02you all gonna tell me
05:03some 8 year old
05:04made some remote control lady
05:05but I don't think so
05:07America is down route shameful
05:09at least my kids do their own work
05:11and they're gonna keep on doing their own work
05:13and if they try to compete and they can't
05:15and they get F's, well fine
05:17at least they earned them
05:18and if they try to go to college and they can't get in
05:20that's fine too, they can live at home
05:25oh
05:28so Jordan
05:28what is it you gotta make, a monastery?
05:30a Spanish mission for our unit on California history
05:33uh huh, so show me what you gotta build
05:34I wanted to build San Luis Obispo
05:37see, it was built in this place called the Valley of the Bears
05:40and when the Spanish guys were building it
05:42they kept on getting attacked by bears
05:43so I wanted to have the monks getting eaten by bears
05:46like this
05:46oh ho ho ho ho, Jordan
05:47look at this crib, it's sharp man
05:49that's a bell tower and everything
05:51and a working aqueduct
05:52what do you say we build this?
05:54yeah, getting the aqueduct run red
05:55with the blood of the infidels
05:59Jordan
06:00you're not slow
06:01you're sick
06:03but I think I like you
06:06um, Uncle Bernie
06:08hmm?
06:08I could really use your help on my campaign election
06:12what's the problem baby?
06:14okay
06:14well there's this stupid girl Chelsea
06:16and she thinks she's so smart
06:18and you know
06:18I knew my buttons were whack
06:20but she comes up and says
06:21ugh, those buttons are whack
06:22oh, and then she was passing out bills
06:24that her dad made
06:27oh, okay
06:29I see how they want to play
06:31don't worry about it, Nessa
06:32I got your back
06:33whatever you need
06:34just let me know
06:35I got you
06:36what I need
06:38is you
06:41alright
06:42now we're fine on both cylinders
06:44see, Bernie Mac gonna school those schools
06:46see, America
06:47when the other parents started meddling
06:49they didn't know what they was messing with
06:51oh, no
06:51see, Bernie Mac may only be an uncle
06:53but I can still bring on the big daddy
06:56I mean the big daddy
06:57cause I'm the Mac
06:58so, what the hell you doing?
07:00I wanna do something
07:01you wanna do something?
07:03yeah
07:03go on in the kitchen and give me a pop
07:04I wanna help
07:05that helps me when I'm thirsty
07:06I can't work when I'm thirsty, okay?
07:09wow
07:10ooh, this is really coming along
07:13nice, and real nice
07:14what part did you build, Jordan?
07:16well, nothing yet
07:17but after Uncle Bernie's done
07:18he's gotta let me have these
07:20see, the Native Americans were always attacking the missions
07:23hey, hey
07:23cause then
07:24hey, good job, Jordan
07:25look
07:26what you doing?
07:27Bernie
07:27no, baby, it took me an hour to put this thing together
07:30then Quasimodo come along
07:31and what?
07:32tries to get involved in his own project?
07:34kind of sorter
07:34okay, well, it's his assignment, remember?
07:37come on now, let the boy contribute
07:41yeah
07:43America, my baby's right
07:45you know she's right
07:47this is Jordan's project
07:49but it's my hard work
07:51and the boy's ruining it
07:52look at this mess
07:54look like a P-Funk concert
07:55this thing was perfect
07:57it don't need no mothership connection
07:59it's mine
08:00all mine
08:02you all know me
08:03I'm Craig Sullivan
08:04I'm Murphy Vice President
08:06here's my speech
08:17thank you, Mr. Sullivan
08:21now, we'll hear from Vanessa Tompkins
08:24Vanessa
08:28um, I'm Vanessa
08:30and everybody usually gives a speech
08:33so I thought I wouldn't do that
08:35too late
08:36you had your turn, Mr. Sullivan
08:40so, I made this
08:47hi, I'm Vanessa
08:48and I'm running for class treasurer
08:50now, I know that during the course of this election
08:52a lot of people have been asking you
08:54how you would improve the school
08:55but since we can't actually burn it down
08:58I thought someone should ask the faculty instead
09:02Mr. Duff
09:03Mr. Duff
09:04can I speak with you for a minute?
09:06yeah, you can speak
09:07Mr. Duff
09:08how would you improve our school?
09:10I'm gonna tell you how you improve your school
09:13you improve your school
09:15by having less students
09:18once you have less students
09:21once you have less students
09:22you improve your school
09:24uh, uh, uh, yes
09:27what I always felt
09:28what the student needed most
09:30was a, uh, uh, uh, a rotunda
09:32where the student government can meet
09:34with a huge capital dome
09:36I've always felt that
09:39I'll tell you how you can improve your school
09:41more and more work with the less horseplay
09:43this is what horseplay I'll get you
09:46hey, you know what?
09:47I didn't even see it coming
09:50you all know our principal, Mr. Gates
09:52I will institute a policy
09:53of student principal for a day
09:54you really think that would improve the school?
09:57who cares?
09:57I just want out of this zoo
10:03super down, super down people
10:06that was Vanessa Thompson
10:08hey
10:17a toast to the winners
10:20woohoo
10:21your dad was so awesome in that video
10:23actually, he's my uncle
10:25who cares?
10:26we should get him to host the talent show
10:28hey
10:29I don't know
10:30doing it
10:31I'm vice president
10:34talent show?
10:35so what that got to do with treasure, baby?
10:37it's a fundraiser
10:38and we're raising money
10:39and I don't ever ask you for anything
10:40please
10:41look at that, baby
10:42already in office one day
10:44she'll use up political money
10:45oh, honey, just do it
10:46okay
10:47and I'll give you the whole Mac attack, baby
10:49I'll give you all of it
10:50oh, yeah, baby
10:52please don't act like that
10:53when we get there
11:06wow
11:08this is impressive
11:12Jordan, are those real tiles?
11:14I think I can fill that in
11:15the lead press on nails
11:17bringing the projects to the project
11:20actually, this isn't the original roof
11:22sure it is
11:23uh-uh
11:23yes, it is
11:24I only built one roof
11:26I mean, together
11:27I'm talking about the real mission
11:29the mission in San Diego
11:31actually had three roofs
11:32in its history
11:33the first
11:34was made out of wood
11:36like this
11:36ah, now when did you make that?
11:38I've had a lot of spare time
11:39be careful, Jordan
11:42actually, the Native Americans
11:43didn't like the monks
11:44because they tried to convert them
11:46to Christianity
11:46and make them learn Spanish
11:48and other atrocities
11:49why are you looking at me
11:50when you say that?
11:51so one night
11:52they attacked the mission
11:54but they soon found out
11:56that they were no match
11:57for the Spanish firearms
12:00Jordan
12:01that's when
12:02they torched the roof
12:04Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan
12:32I'm down here, America
12:37right here
12:39how do you like that?
12:41America, I break my back
12:42for those doggone kids
12:43and what's they thanks?
12:45they break my back
12:46well, that's it
12:47you see, I'm playing
12:49you mark my words
12:50I would never
12:52ever do nothing
12:53for those kids
12:57oh, God
13:00Nessa Tyler show the night
13:02America, I gotta
13:03help me up
13:05help me up
13:07Wanda ain't no way
13:08I can't go
13:08I can't do it
13:09I can't do it
13:10okay, okay
13:11oh, I wanna die
13:12I really, really wanna die
13:13Nessa, you know I'm not playing
13:15you know I'd do anything for you
13:16Nessa, if I could, I would
13:17I took four pain pills
13:18it ain't working
13:20everybody's gonna hate me
13:22sweetie, do you want me to come with you
13:23for more support?
13:27I'm sorry, honey
13:28let's go, come on
13:30are you kidding?
13:32you're kidding
13:32tell me you're kidding
13:33because if you're not kidding
13:35this is so not good
13:36oh, my God
13:40it's so not good
13:41look, uh
13:42I'd leave town to fire you
13:44because when people find out
13:45there's no Bernie Mac
13:46they're gonna go for your throat
13:48Craig
13:49what?
13:50it's the only reason
13:51people voted for it
13:52shut up, Sully
13:55alright
13:56alright
13:57Sully has left the building
14:04well
14:06I guess I should tell the people
14:07don't worry, Vanessa
14:09I'll handle it
14:13alright, let's have
14:14a round of applause
14:15for Ian here
14:15thank you, Ian
14:16Brittany
14:17do you really think
14:18that's the only reason
14:19people voted for me?
14:21completely
14:22but only a jerk like Craig
14:23would say to your face
14:31Uncle Bernie, I bought you a drink
14:35oh, Jordan
14:36thank you, son
14:39hmm
14:44Jordan
14:45I'm sorry about your project
14:47but you learned a lot, didn't you?
14:50Jordan
14:52I am so proud of you
14:54wow
14:55wow
14:56Uncle Bernie, I like you on painkillers
15:00yeah
15:01I'm nicer, huh?
15:07Hey, I love you.
15:09I feel good, America.
15:11The doctor gave me a subscription.
15:15Actually, America, I feel kind of bad.
15:19I let Nessa down.
15:21I wish there was something I could do.
15:29Wait, there is America.
15:33America, don't worry.
15:35The Mac man ain't operating no heavy machinery.
15:39Excuse me, America.
15:40I gotta make a phone call.
15:43I got it.
15:46I got it.
15:55Hey, kid.
15:56Are you holding up?
16:00I brought someone who wants to meet you.
16:04Your uncle called in some reinforcements.
16:06Oh, my gosh.
16:09Nessa, this is India Irie.
16:14Hi.
16:15You're such a pretty chocolate chip.
16:19I hear it's a tough crowd out there.
16:27Well, do you think they'd mind if I sing?
16:30You're gonna get them.
16:31I got your back.
16:37All right, fine.
16:38I couldn't get Bernie Mac.
16:40But I did get someone better than Bernie Mac.
16:43So give it up for India Irie.
16:48Sorry, India.
16:49I guess they don't want you.
16:51Sorry, India.
17:13I guess they don't want you.
17:15You said he is so real.
17:18And I love the way that he makes me feel.
17:23And if I am a reflection of him, then I must be fly.
17:30Because his light, it shines so bright.
17:33I wouldn't lie.
17:34I remember the very first day that I saw him.
17:39I found myself immediately intrigued by him.
17:45It's almost like I knew this man from another life.
17:49Like back then maybe I was his husband.
17:53Maybe he was my wife.
17:55And even the things I don't like about him are fine with me.
18:00Because it's not hard for me to understand him.
18:03Because he's so much like me.
18:06And it's truly my pleasure to share his company.
18:11And I know that it's God's gift to breathe the air he breathes.
18:15Because he is the truth.
18:18Said he is so real.
18:21And I love the way that he makes me feel.
18:26And if I am a reflection of him, then I must be fly.
18:34Because his light, it shines so bright.
18:37No.
18:39I still can't believe it.
18:41Oh my God.
18:41She was so cool.
18:43Well, congratulations.
18:44Like it was a huge success, huh?
18:47Yeah, it was.
18:48Come here, tell me.
18:48Come here.
18:50I just wish I had something to do with it.
18:53What you talking about?
18:54Oh, come on.
18:55It's not like I could have called up India Ari.
18:58Face it, Uncle Bernie.
18:59That was all you.
19:00Okay, okay.
19:01Maybe it was me.
19:02But, babe, you still got the tools to be great in student government.
19:06Yeah, but I'm not great at it now.
19:08And I don't really like it.
19:10It's not my thing.
19:11And that's why I'm quitting.
19:12Come on now, Nessa.
19:14What do you mean quitting?
19:15Man, you're a Mac.
19:15We don't quit at nothing.
19:18All right, baby.
19:18Give me one reason why you should quit.
19:20Uh, honey, I think she just gave you three.
19:23All right, Nessa, listen.
19:25The reason we encourage you is because you've got so much potential, sweetheart.
19:29We're trying to give you something you can believe in yourself.
19:31Oh, I do believe in myself.
19:33And I know that I don't want to hang out with dorks like Sully.
19:37But I do want to hang out with people like India Ari.
19:41That's what I believe.
19:42Okay?
19:45Okay, Nessa.
19:52Wow.
19:53Good night.
19:57Wanda, maybe we can do something.
19:58You know what?
19:59I think we should let her find her own thing.
20:02You might be right.
20:04Mm-hmm.
20:05I believe Wanda's right.
20:07Kids really do find their own way at their own time.
20:10We did.
20:11And if you're going to learn, they're going to learn whether we poke them or prod them
20:15or not.
20:16I mean, look at Jordan.
20:17Look at all that stuff you learned about Spanish monks and dung beetles and all that
20:21without me.
20:22Hell, in spite of me.
20:24And you know maybe kids aren't oysters.
20:27Maybe kids are the pearls.
20:30Think about it.
20:30That he is so real.
20:33And I love the way that he makes me feel.
20:39And if I am a reflection of him, then I must be fly because it's light.
20:49It shines so bright I wouldn't lie.
20:53I take that back, America.
20:55That's not a pearl.
20:57That's a diamond.
20:59A diamond in the rough.
21:02Listen to that.
21:03Almost like I knew this man from another life.
21:07I never knew that.
21:09I thought that maybe I was his husband.
21:10Maybe he was my wife.
21:12I never knew that.
21:14And even the things I don't like about him, I'll find with me.
21:17You go, girl.
21:17You go, girl.
21:25Shoot.
21:36Fresh.
21:46You go, girl.
21:49You go, girl.
21:51You go, girl.
21:52You go, girl.
21:53You go, girl.
21:54You go, girl.
21:55You go, girl.
21:56You go, girl.
21:56You go, girl.
21:56You go, girl.
21:56You go, girl.
21:57You go, girl.
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