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The Bernie Mac Show is a beloved comedy series that showcases Bernie Mac’s unique humor, sharp wit, and unforgettable storytelling 😂🔥 When Bernie and his wife take in his sister’s three children, everyday family life turns into hilarious chaos. Packed with heart, laughs, and life lessons, this sitcom remains a fan favorite and a television classic.

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Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:17I'm worried, America.
00:19It's the boy.
00:21There ain't no way there's sugarfoot around it.
00:24So I'm just gonna come out and see.
00:26That's right.
00:27He's on.
00:28Funny.
00:28Now, funny, you know.
00:32Off.
00:33Now, don't get me wrong.
00:34He's a Mac and I love him.
00:36But he ain't like the rest of us.
00:37He's a little different.
00:39I know it.
00:39We all know it.
00:40Always have.
00:42He's like Marilyn on the monsters.
00:43She's a little strange.
00:44She wouldn't like the rest of them.
00:46From the very first weekend he got here.
00:49See, you know, they didn't bring any toys when they first came.
00:52So Wanda and I took them all up to the city walk, you know, and let them pick out anything
00:56they like, right?
00:59Well, there was his magic shop.
01:01I want this.
01:03Save his hoarding Willie.
01:05Isn't he great?
01:08Yeah, Jordan, he is great.
01:09But I don't know.
01:11You'll probably get tired of him.
01:12No, I won't.
01:13I promise.
01:14He's not going to have anything.
01:15Yeah, Jordan, I know.
01:17But I know.
01:17I'm a million miles from Chicago.
01:19I have no friends.
01:22You know, you would have done the same doggone thing.
01:24I mean, what kind of kid want a Vantwilicus dummy?
01:27I'll tell you what kind.
01:29A dummy.
01:30Please.
01:31Like I'm going to have Willie, Tyler, and Lester up in this piece.
01:34Now, y'all think about it.
01:35Nobody want to live like that.
01:37Yeah, I dodged a bullet.
01:42So how was I supposed to know the bullet would ricochip?
01:46Beep, beep, beep.
01:47I don't know.
01:48Hand me that ketchup.
01:50Watch, watch.
01:52Jordan.
01:55Alakazam, alakazan.
01:56I wave my hands and this ketchup is gone.
02:03Good, good.
02:04Now bring my ketchup back.
02:05I can, Uncle Bernie.
02:06It's vanished.
02:08I'm standing now, Jordan.
02:09Bring back my ketchup.
02:11Wait, I have something in my eye.
02:23Ah, it's creamer.
02:29Poof.
02:30Don't encourage her.
02:31No.
02:32That was kind of good, though.
02:34America, this boy is driving me crazy.
02:37I'm telling you.
02:38Look, America, I keep hoping inside my heart
02:41that this boy lose interest in this magic crap.
02:44But if he does in America, I got a problem.
02:46But I need to know, how do you know
02:48if this kid had a genuine passion
02:49or just a normal interest that you can discourage
02:52or squash?
02:53Penn, Teller, y'all got to help me, man.
02:56Well, you know, Bernie, magicians can be
02:58some of the geekiest freaks you'll ever meet.
03:01You know that.
03:01But there's an upside, right?
03:03I mean, you can take a complete loser,
03:05teach him magic, and it gives him the confidence
03:06he might need to act in a normal social situation.
03:10I mean, look at Teller.
03:10He's been doing magic since he was six years old.
03:13It's brought him out of his shell.
03:14Loosened up.
03:15Look.
03:16Wow, wow.
03:17I never looked at him like that.
03:19So magic helped you meet people
03:21and create friends, right?
03:22Yeah, look at him.
03:23He could sell you a car.
03:27He don't talk.
03:28No, you'll warm up to him after a while.
03:31He likes you.
03:35I'm so lucky Miss Spelman made you my lab partner.
03:38We're totally going to get a B-plus on this.
03:40You know what?
03:41I think we need more green balls.
03:49What?
03:49You have a quarter in your head.
03:52What?
03:53I have X-ray vision.
03:55You don't believe me?
04:01Hey, that's pretty good.
04:03You like magic?
04:05I guess it's all right.
04:06Wow, most people hate it.
04:08Then why do you do it?
04:11You're pretty funny, kid.
04:14Jordan, get out.
04:20I bought the boy the magic kit just to shut the boy up.
04:23I didn't think he was going to become obsessed with it.
04:26Well, honey, everybody has their thing.
04:29What's your thing?
04:30Come on, baby.
04:31You don't mind comedy.
04:32Well, comedy's cool.
04:33Look at Richard Pryor.
04:34Women love comedy.
04:36What's the first deal woman like about a man?
04:37Sense and humor.
04:38Woman no kidding about no man putting no rabbit out of slacks.
04:41Yeah, well, David Copperfield had Claudia Schiffer.
04:45Yeah, Zigbee had Roy.
04:46I mean, how the boy, why the boys just don't become obsessed with something normal?
04:50First it was bugs, now it's magic.
04:52What are you going to become obsessed with next?
04:58This magic moment
05:03So different and so new
05:05Was like any other
05:09Until I kissed you
05:11And then it happened
05:16It took me by surprise
05:19I feel that you felt it too
05:23By the look in your eye
05:32Oh, my God
05:35All my sorority stuff
05:38Oh
05:40Wow, I haven't seen this stuff in years
05:44Garbage
05:46I'm Wanda
05:47Hey, sweetie
05:48Can I talk to you?
05:50Yeah
05:50What do you do when you like someone?
05:55You mean like a girl?
05:57George, you like a girl?
05:59Oh, that's so sweet, oh, is she?
06:03You're blushing
06:04Do we know her?
06:06Yes
06:07Yes
06:07Did y'all hear that, America?
06:09The boy's normal
06:10I knew he was
06:11Hallelujah
06:12I mean, forgive my exuberance, America
06:14I know that boy just got a little harmless crush
06:16The first of many
06:18But if the Mac boy wants to be a Mac man
06:20He gotta learn the way of the magic
06:22And what I know
06:24You can't buy in no store
06:27First of all, Jordan
06:28You gotta be real smooth, okay?
06:30Now let me hear you open the line
06:31Hi, I'm Jordan
06:35Right line, wrong delivery
06:36So you gotta put a little bit more swerve in
06:38A little more bass
06:39Like this dig this here
06:41Say, hey, good looking
06:43I couldn't help but notice you're on the monkey bar
06:45You wanna climb the jungle
06:47With a real swinger?
06:49Oh, please
06:51Jordan, just be your own sweet self
06:53Baby, we're trying to get the girl, okay?
06:55He will
06:57And then all of a sudden, Jordan
06:58You smooth up on a real nice and tight
07:02Then you put your arms around her
07:08Boy, you ripe
07:09You spoiled
07:11And that's rule number one
07:13You have to understand something about women
07:14Women don't like a man to smell like an onion, right?
07:18Okay?
07:19Now, come on
07:19I'm gonna take you upstairs, man
07:20Smooth you out, son
07:21Put some smell goods on you
07:23Come on
07:29You know what?
07:30I envy joy in America
07:32First crush
07:33Young love
07:35It's a magical time in young man's life
07:38And I was just about the same age
07:40When I first was afflicted
07:41What was her name?
07:42Wow
07:43I think her name was Loretta Washington
07:45Yeah
07:46She gave me a little stuffed bed that said
07:49I love you very much
07:51She swiped it from the quickie mark on the corner
07:54Now, America
07:55That's love, boy
07:58I cherish that thing
08:02I love you very much
08:04Hmm
08:09Oh, that can go
08:11What?
08:13Bernie
08:13These are all your old love letters
08:15I know
08:17Garbage
08:18Hold on, Wanda
08:19How you think
08:19I might want to keep all this stuff?
08:21What?
08:22What?
08:22This radio thing?
08:23Why you gonna keep this?
08:25It's not that I'll keep
08:26I just didn't throw it away, baby
08:28Come on, come on, come on now, Wanda
08:30Come on now
08:31Okay, look, baby
08:32You could throw this away
08:33Or I'll throw it away for you
08:43One last step
08:58Oh, I'll try before to tell her
09:01All the feelings I have for her in my heart
09:09Every time that I come here
09:12I just lose my nerve
09:14As I've done
09:15From the start
09:21Every little thing she does is magic
09:24Every little thing she does is magic
09:25Every little thing she does is magic
09:44That was so awesome
09:49You're so lucky
09:50I wish I had a talent
09:51You don't need a talent
09:53You tell her to be the prettiest girl in the whole wide world
09:59You're so sweet
10:03Jill?
10:07I gotta go
10:10Jill, wait
10:13You make me sick
10:36Kitchen stuff, Bernie?
10:38You didn't throw away a damn thing
10:40Come on, baby
10:41What you care, that ain't mine
10:42Do you have any idea how insulting it is
10:44That you are holding on to love letters from old girlfriends?
10:47I mean, would you like it if I kept letters from old boyfriends?
10:51I wouldn't mind
10:52I got you now
10:54That's even more insulting
10:55I don't know
10:56Come on, come on, Juan
10:57Hey, oh, Bernie
10:57Kiss me
10:58What?
11:00You hear that, baby?
11:01The boy got his first kiss
11:02Congratulations, son
11:04What did I say, America?
11:06The boy's a Mac
11:07And all Macs can Mac, I told you
11:09Well, Jiminy, I don't know a lot about macking
11:12But I do know a little bit about women
11:13And they like magic tricks
11:15Shiny stuff
11:16And cash
11:17The boy didn't have any cash or shiny stuff
11:20So I think it was the magic
11:21Oh, come on, man
11:22Play of hating
11:23It wasn't no doggone magic
11:25It was the Mac, I tell you
11:26No, no, no
11:26Let me tell you something
11:27For years, Teller wasn't getting any action
11:30Learned magic
11:31Now he's got more girls than he can shake his stick at
11:34Go ahead, Teller
11:35Show him the trick that got you your first piece
11:37That's a bean, see, show him the bean there
11:39Uh-huh
11:39Puts a bean around his tongue there, see
11:41Now watch this
11:42Imagine you're on a date
11:43And you're doing this, okay
11:44Now you've got her attention
11:46Now she's watching it
11:47Now she's watching it carefully, right
11:49You're showing her that your sinuses are wide open
11:51And then get your hand out there
11:53Now this is intimacy
11:58See, even worked on you, didn't it
12:01Stankin' ass
12:03That's nasty
12:05Sexy, too
12:06Good going, freak
12:07Now Jill says she doesn't want to be my lab partner
12:09I hope you're happy
12:10You cost me a B plus
12:13Uh, what's this about Jill?
12:15Ask him, he's the one who made out with her
12:17You always make it out, yes
12:18I knew what I did
12:19Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait
12:19You mean to tell me the girl you like is a
12:21Jill
12:24So you're telling me, Jill, I helped you make out with a 14-year-old?
12:27You helped him?
12:28God, you're both sick
12:39A 14-year-old girl, America
12:41See, I told you the Mac Mojo was strong
12:45I mean, I'm talking about potent stuff
12:47See, I never should have put the power into the hands of a small boy
12:51And now, look, he's headed for a big-time heartache
12:54And I feel true
12:56You know, I'm beginning to think Jordan had the right idea, being a magician
13:00Cause, see, magic isn't real
13:02It's just a bunch of tricks
13:04But when the lady stick the sword into the box
13:07It doesn't hurt
13:09Like, this is gonna hurt him
13:10So why did you have to label it kitchen stuff?
13:13Oh, come on
13:14It's the principal, Barney
13:15Uncle Barney, why don't you guys take me to the floors?
13:18I gotta buy my baby some flowers
13:19Hold on, hold on
13:20Jordan, why didn't you tell me the girl that you like of your sister age?
13:23Why does it matter?
13:26Jordan, come on, sit down
13:28We need to talk, man
13:30We need to talk
13:32Jordan
13:34Go ahead, go ahead, baby
13:37Honey, this might be a little difficult to understand
13:40But, um, the problem is
13:42Is that Jill's a lot older than you are
13:46And girls mature faster than boys
13:50So?
13:52I'm afraid that Jill doesn't like you the way you like her
13:57I don't like her, I love her
14:02Now, hold on, hold on
14:03Listen up, pimp
14:04What she trying to tell you is that you might get hurt, Jordan
14:08Jill wouldn't hurt me
14:09I mean, we banked teeth a little bit
14:11But we'll work on it
14:15Um, Jordan
14:18You didn't tell Jill
14:20How you're feeling
14:23That's a great idea
14:24I'll go right now
14:25Is that a suggestion?
14:31Uh-oh
14:33I think I, uh, better make his favorite tonight
14:36Yeah
14:37Cause they fall hard at his age
14:39You know that
14:40Hmm
14:41I wonder how long it's gonna take him to get over this
14:44If he ever will
14:48You know what, Bernie?
14:50You can keep the box, it's fine
14:54I'm okay with it
14:57Really, what?
14:58No
15:00But I'm not gonna make you throw out your memories
15:13What are you doing here?
15:14I thought you'd want to make out
15:16I got 20 minutes till the streetlights come on
15:18Are you dense or something?
15:20What do you think, you're my boyfriend?
15:22Like I'm gonna go out with some 8-year-old dork magician
15:24I'm nine
15:26Who cares?
15:27Would you please just get lost?
15:29But, but, but with kids
15:30And if you tell anybody that
15:34I'll kill you
15:35I swear
15:49Love stinks
15:51Love stinks
15:54Love stinks
15:57Love stinks
16:09Yeah, yeah
16:11I left my home
16:17I left my home
16:22Yeah, yeah
16:28Where I should go
16:32Where I should go
16:35Yeah, yeah
16:42Nothing's gonna save you
16:45Nothing's gonna save you
16:49I'll play
16:51Vanessa
16:52What?
16:53I know Jill's not talking to you
16:55But did she say anything about me?
16:58Are you high?
16:59She said hi?
17:04Hey, you really liked her, didn't you?
17:07You know what?
17:08Jill's not right for you
17:10I don't care that she's older
17:11That's not it
17:12She's an idiot
17:14Say that to make me feel better
17:16Jordan, I would never say anything just to make you feel better
17:24Hey, champ, feel a little better?
17:26A little
17:28Hey, Jordan, uh, what's your magic stuff?
17:30I don't see your magic stuff
17:31I threw it out
17:32Why would you do that?
17:34Because magic's for dorps
17:36Who told you that?
17:37What does it matter?
17:38You never liked it anyway
17:43Jordan, it really don't matter what I like
17:46You love magic
17:48Well, I love Jill, too
17:49Look what that got me
17:54Jordan, come here
17:55Listen
17:58Jordan, as you grow up
17:59You're gonna have a bunch of crushes
18:01They're gonna come and go
18:03But when you really love something
18:04I mean really, really love something
18:06You're gonna hold on to it
18:08You're gonna keep the things that you really love
18:10And you're gonna throw out the things that you don't
18:13And, son, that's what magic means to you, Jordan
18:17Yeah, maybe someday
18:24You know, you just hate to see your loved ones suffer
18:28I wish I could ease the boy pain
18:29But I can't
18:32See, there's no good medicine for a broken heart
18:34That's part of life, America
18:35And you just have to let it run its course
18:37And it will
18:39In time
18:41But the sad thing about it, America
18:43It robbed the boy of his magic
18:45Now, if I can get that back to him
18:47I'll clef old lord
18:48I would
18:50It's a shame, Bernie
18:51You know, he should have never gone with a queen rising trick
18:53Uh, that's rookie stuff
18:55He should have gone with fire
18:56You know, Bernie
18:57Uh, chicks dig, uh
18:58Chicks dig fire
18:59Just as you do
19:04Wow
19:10Get that going
19:13Wow
19:15Give it a try, Bernie
19:20Go ahead, just
19:20Yeah, open your mouth
19:21Put it in
19:22Ain't no meat on it
19:23Go ahead
19:31Wow
19:35No, no, no, man
19:36What's wrong with y'all?
19:37This is crazy
19:37If I catch that boy doing that
19:39I'm clapping right across the jaw
19:41This is crazy
19:42Both of y'all, y'all weird
19:43You and
19:45You and the mute stuff
19:47You know
19:47You act like his dummy
19:51Dummy
19:56Might need an idea later
20:01Jordan, honey, dinner
20:02I'm not hungry
20:04Come on out here
20:05I got somebody special
20:06We want to see you
20:07Who is it?
20:08Don't worry about it
20:09Come out and see it
20:14What am willing?
20:16Thank you
20:17Thank you
20:19Great, the dummy's got his dummy
20:21Now can we eat?
20:23I am sick of Swedish meatballs
20:26He's funny looking
20:27Well, I got a kid making my funny faces
20:29What's your excuse?
20:32All right, all right
20:32That's enough of the funny jokes
20:33Come on, let's eat
20:34No more potatoes for you, fatso
20:36Get more chimps that Chinese phone, but
20:39Was this an audience or a mosaic?
20:41I never thought I'd say this, but
20:45I miss this stupid magic
20:51Young love
20:53I remember headed in the bushes
20:55And she fell down
20:56And I actually fell on top of her
20:58And I tried to get up
20:59But she pulled me back down
21:02I said, what you doing?
21:07You know
21:10I think I was about six
21:14I used a condom
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