- 2 days ago
Dad Comes Back Part 01
Ann is excited when she comes home with the news that she got a new job. However, her excitement is dampened when she learns that her ex-husband Ed is stopping by for a visit and has a big announcement: he is engaged and is planning to wed within a few weeks. To be continued...
Ann is excited when she comes home with the news that she got a new job. However, her excitement is dampened when she learns that her ex-husband Ed is stopping by for a visit and has a big announcement: he is engaged and is planning to wed within a few weeks. To be continued...
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00:02This is it, this is it, this is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball, this
00:10is it, this is it, straight ahead, and rest assured, you can't be sure at all, so while you're here,
00:19enjoy the view, keep on doing what you do, hold on tight, we'll muddle through, one day at a time,
00:26one day at a time, so up on your feet,
00:30somewhere there's something playing, don't you worry not, just take it like it's gone, one day at a time, one
00:39day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one
00:46day at a time, one day at a time.
00:54Hey.
00:59Yeah, sure.
01:01There's a trouble right here.
01:02There's an olive pit.
01:04Jams up to disposal every time.
01:07You know what I mean?
01:07You can't handle this kind of thing.
01:09It won't chew.
01:10It won't grind.
01:11It just lays there in hiccups.
01:15Snyder, I'm trying to do my homework.
01:18Oh, I'm sorry.
01:20What kind of homework you're doing?
01:22Algebra.
01:23Oh, algebra.
01:24Well, I can help you with that.
01:26See, a lot of people think I'm just brawn.
01:29You know what I mean?
01:30They think I neglected my education.
01:33But algebra was one of my best subjects.
01:35What problem you're working on?
01:37All right.
01:38In monomials, if x and y are variables,
01:41is the phrase 5x over y a monomial or division by a variable?
01:53See, if you keep asking for help, you're never going to learn this.
01:58Right?
01:59I mean, now the answer is in there.
02:01You just look around the coastline.
02:05Now, where's the leaky faucet?
02:06In the bathroom.
02:07I'll go fix it.
02:08But you can't go in there.
02:09Julie's taking a shower, and that can take forever.
02:11She takes a lot of showers.
02:13I mean, that's wrong.
02:14It's, you know, the water pressure in this building, it's not strong enough.
02:18Every time she takes a shower, somebody in the building loses a flush.
02:24Of course, when someone flushes, someone else can't shower.
02:28What we need here is a balance of power.
02:32I mean, less showering and more flushing, or less flushing and more showering.
02:36Personally, I think flushing is more important.
02:43Hello?
02:47Daddy!
02:48Hi!
02:49Well, yeah.
02:50You're in town?
02:52You're coming over?
02:54Yeah, I can't wait.
02:57Yeah, I'm wearing my green plaid skirt.
03:01And my green blouse.
03:04Uh, well, yeah, and my polka dot scarf.
03:08I can't believe it.
03:08You never miss.
03:10Okay, I can't wait to see you.
03:11Bye.
03:12My dad is in town.
03:14He's coming over.
03:15That's, uh, that's great.
03:16Uh, what was that routine, uh, with the clothes?
03:19Oh, well, it's a game we've played ever since I was a kid.
03:22When he was out of town, he'd love to call him.
03:24Guess what I was wearing?
03:25Oh, you mean like he was some kind of physic or something, huh?
03:30Yeah.
03:33Why is he coming here?
03:34I thought you kids always went to visit him.
03:36I-I don't know.
03:37All I know is I'm gonna see him.
03:41You really think him, don't you?
03:44That's nice.
03:46You know, it's the only thing I missed in my life, having kids.
03:51Of course, naturally, with me, I'd have boys.
03:57I can see my kid now.
03:59Right?
03:59The star pitcher.
04:00He's out in the mound, all alone.
04:03It's a bottom and a ninth.
04:05There's men on base.
04:06And he's pitching his way out of a jam.
04:11Got his foot in the rubber.
04:15Takes a stretch.
04:18And he lets go a blazing fastball and catches the outside.
04:22Bang!
04:22The batter hits it.
04:23It's a long flying ball.
04:24Long flying ball.
04:25It's going.
04:26It's going.
04:26And it's gone.
04:31A home run.
04:35But that's okay.
04:36The batter's my kid, too.
04:42Oh, Schneider, how come you never had any kids?
04:45Well, it's tough to have kids when your marriage is annulled
04:49before you can register at the motel.
04:54Why was it annulled?
04:55It wasn't my bride I was registering with.
05:00That's only a joke.
05:01I'm kidding you.
05:04Oh, wow.
05:05The goddess emerges from the waterfall.
05:08You know, you're costing this building a lot of flushes.
05:13What's he talking about?
05:14Never mind.
05:15Guess who called?
05:16Daddy!
05:17What?
05:17It's my over.
05:18Is this Daddy?
05:19Yes.
05:19Did he say why?
05:20No, he said he'd tell us when he got her.
05:21I can't believe it.
05:22He's coming.
05:23I'm here.
05:23Roll the rug up.
05:27It's today.
05:28Ta-da!
05:29What?
05:30What?
05:31I got the job!
05:36Isn't that terrific?
05:39You are looking at the personal assistant to the vice president of the public relations
05:43firm of Connors & Davison.
05:46And they really have some interesting clients, too.
05:49Right now, they're running the Humphrey for president campaign.
05:52Humphrey isn't running for president.
05:54See, that's our job.
05:56We have to remind the public he isn't running so nobody will forget he is running.
06:01Hey, maybe I'll even get to talk to him.
06:04No, with Hubert, all I'll get to do is listen.
06:09Well, I got your league fixed, and I got boat knobs pointing at six o'clock, the way they
06:14should.
06:15And congratulations on the job.
06:17You heard.
06:17I heard.
06:18He was screaming so loud, the tidy bowl man put his hands over his ears.
06:24Well, congratulations, and as we say in the trade, keep your plunger dry.
06:31You know, today, even Schneider's jokes don't bother me.
06:35Mom, Dad called.
06:36He's on his way over.
06:38That bothers me.
06:40Why?
06:41He didn't say.
06:41He said he'd tell us when he gets here.
06:44He's never been here before.
06:45There's got to be a pretty good reason.
06:50I got everything here.
06:52What?
06:52The party.
06:53What party?
06:54To celebrate your new job.
06:55How'd you hear?
06:56Uh, well, it could have been intuition.
06:58Some congressional committee might have leaked it, or as I recall, you phoned me the minute
07:03you got the job.
07:04That's right, I did.
07:05David, I tell you, ever since I got this job, I have been slying.
07:10Well, I have everything here to fill the friendly skies.
07:13A genuine Italian salami.
07:16I knew you were out of gin since I finished it.
07:19A little pate de foie gras.
07:21Yes, and a jar of genuine imported caviar for which a pregnant Russian sturgeon happily put
07:31up her eggs for adoption.
07:34Last but not least, for the young folks, a six-pack of vintage rooty-tooties.
07:42David, it's a virtual feast.
07:44Yes, and this is merely the beginning, because tonight I am taking you all out to dinner at,
07:49you guessed it, the escopier room.
07:53Oh, David, it sounds wonderful.
07:56Uh, but we can't make any plans as yet.
08:00There's a little surprise.
08:01Ed's in town.
08:02He's, uh, gonna be here any minute.
08:05Ed?
08:06Your Ed?
08:08Isn't that great?
08:10Great, great.
08:12Uh, gee, I, uh, haven't seen old Ed since I handled your divorce.
08:19It's all very civilized.
08:21I recall we were, we were very mature about everything.
08:26I remember his parting comment to me on the courthouse steps.
08:31Shyster!
08:36Uh, what do you suppose he wants?
08:38We don't know.
08:40Hey, wait a minute.
08:42Wait a minute.
08:43I think I know why he's coming.
08:44He's gonna do his...
08:46I knew you couldn't make it alone, Ann.
08:48And he's gonna come over to see if he can bail me out.
08:50Oh, beautiful, beautiful!
08:53I mean, the timing is absolutely perfect.
08:55When he lays it on me, I can hit him with...
08:58Ed, I don't need your help.
09:01I mean, I just got a great job, and I'm on my way.
09:04And listen, if things ever get tough for you, let me know, and I'll, uh, bail you out.
09:10Oh, I can't wait.
09:13Uh, Mom, if Daddy's really coming over to help, you shouldn't take that kind of attitude.
09:17Dad's never forgotten us.
09:19Uh, yeah, right.
09:20Uh, look, I'm sorry.
09:23I guess I'm just feeling my oats.
09:27There's gotta be, Daddy!
09:28There's gotta be!
09:30Oh!
09:30Ah!
09:31Ah!
09:32Ha, ha, ha, ha!
09:32Hello, sweetheart.
09:34Hey, let me look at you.
09:35Let me look at you.
09:36Oh, boy, I can't get over it.
09:37It just knocks me out every time I see you, how fast you're growing up.
09:40Yeah, we'll see.
09:41We've got one problem.
09:42Barbara grows in all directions, and I just keep going straight up.
09:46Don't say that, honey.
09:47You're perfect just the way you are.
09:52Hello, Ed.
09:53Hi, Ann.
09:55You look great.
09:57And you look more beautiful than ever.
09:59Oh, thank you.
10:00Divorce becomes you.
10:02Yes, I told her it would.
10:07Same old David.
10:08Hi.
10:09Hey, you've lost a little weight, haven't you?
10:10Oh, yeah, I have dropped a little weight.
10:12How much more you gotta go?
10:13About 25, 30 pounds?
10:16Daddy, you wanna sit down?
10:17Oh, come on.
10:21Ed, uh, look, I know why you're here.
10:24You're gonna give me a lecture on the troubles I'm having making ends meet.
10:28Well, you could have saved yourself a trip, because I am in fantastic shape.
10:32I mean, I just found the perfect job, and I am set.
10:35Ugh, set!
10:37Ann, that's great.
10:39I mean, I couldn't be more delighted.
10:41You're delighted?
10:43Yes.
10:44I mean, frankly, it makes it a lot easier for me to say what I've got to say.
10:49Ann, kids.
10:54I'm getting married to Vicki.
10:57Congratulations!
11:03Well, that's why I'm here.
11:05I thought it was something I should tell you all personally.
11:11Ed, that's wonderful.
11:13Really, I'm very happy for you.
11:16Thanks, Ed.
11:17Hey, I really hope this one lasts.
11:24Your kids haven't said anything.
11:27Oh, uh, we're happy, Dad.
11:30Yeah, it's great.
11:31Uh, but you're not gonna get married right away.
11:34I mean, you're kind of, like, gonna be engaged for a while.
11:36Oh, honey, I'm a little too old for that routine.
11:40Now, the end of the month.
11:41And I want you both to be there, of course.
11:43Oh, we wouldn't miss it.
11:44Yeah.
11:45Oh, Ann, if you'd like to come...
11:47Oh, no, I don't think that's such a good idea.
11:51But you both have to come now.
11:52I wouldn't have a wedding without my kids being there.
11:55Uh, listen, I...
11:57I gotta finish my homework.
11:58I got a lot.
11:59Uh, would you excuse me, too?
12:02I think I'll help her.
12:03The poor kid's hopeless with algebra.
12:08I was afraid I was gonna shake them up a little.
12:13Ed, I told the girls that someday one of us is gonna get married again.
12:19Hmm.
12:20You beat me.
12:23Hey, look, they're really gonna be okay.
12:25They're mature, sensible.
12:27Don't worry.
12:28They can handle it.
12:31Really.
12:36He doesn't love Vicki, and he doesn't want to get married.
12:39Oh, Barbara, would you cool it and stop crying?
12:41You're almost 15 years old, and you're wetting the bed.
12:48He's only getting married because he's lonely.
12:50We never should have left him.
12:52Mom and Dad split.
12:53What else could we do?
12:55But all three of us left him.
12:57One of us should have stayed.
12:59I'm gonna move in with Dad.
13:01Then he won't be lonely, and he won't have to get married.
13:03You're gonna move in with Dad.
13:05Just great.
13:06Can't you see?
13:08Dad's crying out for help.
13:10He's a lonely, deserted man, and I'm the only one in the world who cares.
13:14You sure don't.
13:15Barbara, look, I know how you feel, but I'm older and more mature.
13:20I mean, I read Cosmopolitan.
13:25You know what they say.
13:26It's not that you're losing a father.
13:29It's that you're getting a stepmother, or something like that.
13:3316 and a half years of neurotic wisdom.
13:35Why do you keep putting my clothes back?
13:37Well, for two reasons.
13:39One, I don't want you to go.
13:41And two, you've got the wrong drawer.
13:42You're packing my clothes.
13:45Uh, Barbara, let's try and make some sense out of this, okay?
13:49Moving in with Dad is not gonna stop him from marrying Vicki.
13:53I think it's a little too late for that.
13:56Maybe you're right.
14:00I'll tell Dad I'm pregnant.
14:01That'll get his mind off Vicki.
14:04My sister the moron.
14:07Have you got some crazy idea about Mom and Dad getting back together again?
14:11Is that what you're hoping for?
14:12Aren't you?
14:13No, because I'm a realist.
14:16I mean, we adjusted to the divorce.
14:17Now, I know we can handle this.
14:19There's no sense in getting our hopes up.
14:21Our hopes.
14:22You said our hopes.
14:23You want them together.
14:23No, I didn't mean that.
14:24You did, too.
14:25We can get them back together.
14:27Barbara, it's not gonna work.
14:29Dad loves Vicki.
14:30Mom loves David.
14:32David?
14:32We gotta get rid of him.
14:34Oh, wonderful.
14:36I'll open the window.
14:37You toss him out.
14:38Bye, David.
14:40Catch you later.
14:41Splat.
14:43I like David.
14:44I like him a lot.
14:45But Mom and Dad will never get back together with him hanging around.
14:50Barbara, stay out of this.
14:52Promise?
14:53Come on, raise your right hand, look me straight in the eye, and repeat after me.
14:57Come on.
14:57Up.
14:58Come on.
14:59I promise to stay out of this.
15:02I promise to stay out of this.
15:05So help me Elton John.
15:07Can't it be Donny Osmond?
15:09Nope.
15:10Nope.
15:11Elton John.
15:11What about Mick Jagger?
15:13What is wrong with Elton John?
15:15Because I don't know if I'll be able to keep my promise, and I couldn't do that to Elton.
15:18Oh, what?
15:19You are crazy.
15:20Every time I try to do that, you're the cutest daughter.
15:23You're the cutest daughter.
15:23You're the cutest daughter.
15:24It's nice to see that my sweet little daughters haven't changed one bit.
15:28Hey, come on now.
15:29What's the beef?
15:30No beef, Dad.
15:31It's just so great having you here, just like it ought to be.
15:45Anne.
15:46Anne.
15:47It's me.
15:48The other man.
15:50The better one.
15:54I'm sorry, David.
15:56I guess that announcement kind of took me by surprise.
16:00Oh, no, not really.
16:01I mean, Ed certainly has a right to get married.
16:03That's very generous of you.
16:04It's just stupid of him rushing into it so soon.
16:09Are you sure there's nothing left there between the two of you?
16:14Of course not.
16:16I wish them all the happiness in the world.
16:18I mean, if he wants to marry Vicky, fine.
16:21I mean, she's a beautiful woman.
16:23You'd never know she had a nose job.
16:27Actually, she didn't really need it.
16:29But the dentist who capped her teeth suggested a good plastic soda.
16:36Uh, uh, care for a drink?
16:38Uh, nice saucer of milk or something?
16:44Okay, okay.
16:46Ah, but David, you can't be married for 17 years and let something like this happen without feeling...
16:53something.
16:54Okay, cancel the saucer of milk.
16:57I'll fix us a nice saucer of martini.
17:00Oh, Daddy!
17:02Daddy!
17:03Oh.
17:04Oh, oh, oh, oh.
17:05Oh!
17:06I think we've outgrown this game.
17:08Yeah, careful, girls.
17:10Remember, your father has a honeymoon coming up.
17:16Uh, has David gone?
17:17Uh, attending bar.
17:18Oh.
17:19Oh, uh, I'm fixing a martini for Anne.
17:22Would you like one, Ed?
17:22Oh, yes, thank you.
17:24Okay.
17:24Oh, by the way, uh, a light on the vermouth for Anne.
17:27She likes them very dry with a twist of lemon on the rocks.
17:32She also likes cinnamon toast for breakfast.
17:43Breakfast, huh?
17:44She must be getting a lot more rest these days.
17:51I just had an inspiration.
17:52Why don't we invite Dad for dinner?
17:54Uh, Barbara.
17:55Oh, Dad, please stay.
17:56Oh, look, honey, thanks, but I wouldn't want to impose.
17:59How can a father impose?
18:02Ed, you know you're welcome.
18:05Well, why not?
18:06I mean, whatever else we disagreed on, it certainly wasn't your mother's cooking.
18:09True.
18:10Here you go.
18:12Here you go.
18:12Thank you, David.
18:14Oh, David, you were gonna take us all out to dinner.
18:16No problem.
18:17Hey, it was just the Escoffier room.
18:19Confirm reservation for four.
18:21Corner table.
18:22No big deal.
18:24Will you stay here for dinner?
18:26No, no.
18:27Grace!
18:29I, um, well, you're welcome to stay, but, you know, you wouldn't want to stick around for
18:35the old family talk, you know.
18:37Mom, remember when Dad built the treehouse?
18:39Hmm, I remember when it fell.
18:42It was my fault.
18:44I was in it.
18:45Well, you know, you girls were always in my den.
18:48It was the only place I could go to get some privacy.
18:50Remember when Mom thought it was a peeping Tom and called the cops?
18:54Uh, feel free to help yourself to the salami, caviar pate, whatever.
18:58Oh, by the way, there is a deposit on the rooty-tutty bottles.
19:02Don't forget about it.
19:16Oh, uh, drinking alone, eh, counselor?
19:19I'm not drinking alone.
19:20That's a bad sign.
19:21I'm not drinking alone, huh?
19:22I hate to see some friends of mine drinking alone, huh?
19:27Oh, Schneider, listen.
19:29Look, I seen the guy come into the building.
19:33El Mucho Macho.
19:36I've got a lot of problems.
19:37Hold on.
19:38Uh, Schneider, uh, look, I really...
19:43I really don't want to talk about this right now.
19:46It's okay.
19:46We can talk about it later at your place.
19:49I'll be up later on, and we'll talk about a man-to-man.
19:52Hey, that's sweet of you, really, but it's...
19:53We'll rap all night if we have to.
19:55We can straighten this thing out.
19:57I'll ring up a bottle of Alabama Sunrise one night.
20:01Schneider, you know, you look...
20:03You look a little shaky on that ladder.
20:05Uh, I think you better, uh, put your left leg in.
20:07Just a little.
20:08There you go.
20:09Yeah.
20:09Oh, boy.
20:13Schneider!
20:16Schneider!
20:22One floor over the cuckoo side.
20:23Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha!
20:25Very good.
20:26That was eight seconds.
20:27Oh, it was too easy.
20:28I told you.
20:29You never give a cuckoo to a cuckoo.
20:32Okay, my turn, my turn, my turn.
20:33Okay.
20:34You have the watch.
20:35Okay, I got this.
20:35Okay.
20:37Which one is it?
20:39Hindenburg.
20:39Okay.
20:40I'm gonna do this great.
20:41Okay?
20:41Are you ready for this great thing?
20:43This is terrific now.
20:45Okay, this is fast...
20:46Okay, okay.
20:47Ready?
20:47Go.
20:49Another cuckoo.
20:49Come on, this is a game and I'm serious.
20:52It's a movie.
20:52It's a movie.
20:53Go ahead.
20:53Yeah, the whole thing.
20:54Yeah.
20:55Cigarette.
20:56Smoke.
20:57Uh, cigar.
20:59No, big cigar.
21:00Longer.
21:01Longer.
21:01Bigger cigar.
21:03Exploding cigar.
21:05Psst.
21:06Blazing saddles.
21:07No!
21:09The time.
21:10The time is up.
21:11Don't you know what it was?
21:12Yeah, the Hindenburg.
21:13I heard Barbie tell Julie.
21:14Oh, you cheated.
21:16You believe it?
21:16Cheat?
21:18Isn't this fun?
21:19All of us are together.
21:20It's old home week.
21:21Oh.
21:22Oh, I want some coffee.
21:23You want some?
21:24Oh, how soon they forget.
21:25You know, coffee keeps me awake all night.
21:27Oh, that's right.
21:28In case you girls didn't know it,
21:30you were coffee babies.
21:32Uh, what time is it?
21:36Oh, ten after eleven.
21:37Ooh!
21:37Come on, it's late.
21:38Time to go to bed.
21:39No, I don't want to go to bed.
21:40Come on.
21:41I'll begin to say goodbye before I go.
21:46They're getting along great.
21:47Barbara, just don't get your hopes up, okay?
21:50But they could get back together.
21:51Why?
21:52Because we played a few games of charades.
21:53I think you are wrong.
21:55Dead wrong.
21:58You know, every time I see those girls,
22:00I realize how much I miss the fun of being with them,
22:03watching them while they grow up.
22:05Ah, Ed.
22:07You see them when you want.
22:09Hmm.
22:12You know, I still can't keep from wondering what went wrong.
22:14I mean, I broke my back trying to make you happy.
22:17You wanted a your own house?
22:18I got you one right away.
22:19You wanted a car?
22:20I got you that right away.
22:21You wanted two kids?
22:23I got you...
22:25Took 18 months, but we got those, too.
22:28I took care of you in every way.
22:31Not in every way.
22:33I wanted to be my own person.
22:34Oh, come on.
22:35Let's not go into it again.
22:36We've talked about it a million times.
22:37Not really.
22:38We never really talked.
22:40Oh, and we talked and talked and talked.
22:42Oh, some talks.
22:44As I remember, you always said,
22:46let's settle it in the bedroom.
22:49As I recall, those were not such bad settlements.
22:54No, I guess Julie and Barbara weren't coffee babies.
22:58They were settlement babies.
23:03Oh, Ed, Ed.
23:07You know, something's different.
23:09What do you mean?
23:11Well, we almost had an argument, but we ended up laughing.
23:16Yeah, that didn't happen very often, did it?
23:18Mm-mm.
23:20Maybe we did talk.
23:22I think the problem was we never really listened.
23:26Yeah.
23:29Something else is different.
23:33Anger's gone.
23:48Yeah, it's getting late.
23:49I got a long drive home.
23:51I better say goodbye to the girls.
23:52Ed,
23:54you don't have to take that drive tonight.
24:02You can stay here.
24:04Here?
24:07Here, here.
24:11It's a deal.
24:13Oh, okay.
24:15I'm sure the girls will be very happy about it.
24:18Yeah, it'll be nice.
24:20And we can all have breakfast together in the morning.
24:23Blueberry muffins?
24:23You got it.
24:28Still think I'm wrong?
24:59This program was recorded on tape for a live audience.
25:34This program was recorded on tape for a live audience.
25:37This program was recorded on tape for a live audience.
25:37This program was recorded on tape for a live audience.
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