- 2 days ago
The College Man
Julie is excited and nervous when she has a blind date with a college guy. However, her excitement about the evening turns to confusion and anger when her date, Ken, shows up and he takes an interest in Ann, who appears to enjoy the attention from the younger man.
Julie is excited and nervous when she has a blind date with a college guy. However, her excitement about the evening turns to confusion and anger when her date, Ken, shows up and he takes an interest in Ann, who appears to enjoy the attention from the younger man.
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TVTranscript
00:02This is it, this is it, this is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball, this
00:10is it, this is it, straight ahead, and rest assured, you can't be sure at all, so while you're here,
00:19enjoy the view, keep on doing what you do, hold on tight, we'll muddle through, one day at a time,
00:26one day at a time, so up on your feet,
00:30somewhere there's music playing, don't you worry not, just take it like it's gone, one day at a time, one
00:39day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one
00:47day at a time, one day at a time.
00:56Look at this, look at all this stuff, I don't have anything to wear, Barbara, would you please help me
01:05make up my mind?
01:06How can I, you've got so little to work with.
01:11Hey, Julie, Julie, how come you're not dressed, she's gonna be here any minute.
01:15I've been dressed 90 million times, what do you wear when you're going out with a college man?
01:20As much as possible.
01:24Thanks for the help.
01:25Look at all this stuff, look.
01:27Hey, uh, Juliana, what about your pantsuit?
01:30Are you crazy? You want him to think I wear outfits?
01:33Heaven forbid.
01:35Cashmere sweater.
01:36It's too dressy.
01:37I want to wear something that does something for me.
01:41What about a hefty bag?
01:50What are you worried about?
01:52It's a blind date.
01:53I'd be more worried about what he looks like.
01:56Something smells.
01:58What is that?
01:59I smell it too.
02:01I don't know, but something smells.
02:33I can't hear what it is you're saying.
02:35What is that I don't understand?
02:36I'm sorry, what do I do?
02:36No, I don't understand what it is.
02:39I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying.
02:41I didn't understand what you were saying.
02:42Oh, I said, Mr. Romano, stand back out of the way.
02:45What are you doing?
02:46Oh, well, this here is your semi-annual pest control clearance here.
02:50Takes care of your silverfish, your spiders, your ants, your cucarachas, your cucarachas.
02:57Take care, boy.
02:58Schneider, stop it.
02:59You're smelling up the whole apartment.
03:01I've got a date coming over.
03:03A big fraternity man.
03:06You are letting this child go out with a panty raider?
03:13Don't you know what goes on with those whipping poop people?
03:17Schneider, please just take that apparatus away.
03:20All right, all right, I'm going.
03:23But if you take my advice, this guy gets out of hand, you want to cool him?
03:29Just put a drop of this behind each ear.
03:35That'll take the whiff right out of his poof.
03:45I'm dead.
03:47Absolutely dead.
03:48The apartment smells like the back end of a bus.
03:51I don't have anything to wear.
03:53And obviously you don't either.
03:56Julie.
03:57Well, look at you.
03:58Couldn't you put on a hostess gown or something?
04:00What are you so uptight for?
04:02He's just a college guy.
04:04I think I'll go up and talk to Karen.
04:06Her sister's a freak-o, too.
04:10This is going to be a disaster.
04:12Julie, please, would you take it easy?
04:14Come on, go get dressed.
04:15He's going to be here any minute.
04:16I know he will.
04:18Mom, when you let him in, remember,
04:20he's not a high school student,
04:21so please don't talk down to him, okay?
04:24Okay, sweetheart, I'll do the best I can.
04:26Oh, offer him a beer.
04:28No milk and cookies.
04:29I mean, this is a date, not a recess.
04:31That's for you.
04:33Oh, here he is, here he is, here he is.
04:34Okay.
04:34Mom, this really means a lot to me.
04:37Make him feel warm and welcome here.
04:40And please, don't talk down to him, okay?
04:43I promise.
04:45God, I look like a teenager.
04:53Julie?
04:55No, I'm her mother.
04:57Oh, um, I'm Ken Anderson.
04:59Hi.
05:00It's nice to meet you.
05:01Yeah, it's nice meeting you, too.
05:03Come on in.
05:04Um, Julie's a little late.
05:05She was late getting started.
05:07Oh, that's okay.
05:08You want a Coke or something?
05:11Sure, Coke is fine.
05:12Good.
05:13Unless you have a little scotch.
05:15Ah, can I see your ID?
05:17Coke is fine.
05:20Hey, uh, you going to any place special?
05:25No, no special plans.
05:27Just thought I'd kind of play by ear.
05:30Until you see what your, uh, blind date looks like.
05:36You're not supposed to know that.
05:37Hmm.
05:38See, it works both ways.
05:40I'm not supposed to tell Julie what time to get home until she gets a look at you.
05:47Well, how do I rate?
05:49Oh, well, uh, on a scale of eight till midnight, I'd say 11.45.
05:59Well, I think I'll rate Julie at, uh, midnight, if she's anything like her mother.
06:04Oh, thank you, sir.
06:08Okay, I guess, uh, in that case, you're going to have Julie until midnight.
06:13You know, for a date's mother, you're all right.
06:18Julie tells me that you were in college.
06:20You like it?
06:22I did, until my father found out what I was majoring in.
06:25What's that?
06:27Undecided.
06:28Hmm.
06:30My father keeps saying, find something.
06:34Why am I paying all this money if you're not going to become something?
06:38The only problem is, I don't really know what I want to become.
06:42Oh, I know exactly where you're at.
06:45But believe me, if I've learned anything, it's that there's no rush.
06:48Take your time and get it right.
06:52You and I sure think alike.
06:55I wish you'd speak to my dad, Miss Cooper.
06:57Uh-uh, it's Romano.
06:58I took back my maiden name when I got divorced.
07:03You're divorced?
07:08Yes, I am.
07:10Great.
07:13I'll, uh, go see if Julie's ready.
07:16Oh, please, don't rush her on my account.
07:18I'm kind of enjoying this.
07:20I, uh, usually have difficulty when I meet people for the first time.
07:25You know, I don't know what to say.
07:28But it's so easy to talk to you.
07:30Ken, you're a very personable young man.
07:34Do you really mean that?
07:36Of course I do.
07:38You know, this is kind of wild.
07:42I've just met you and we've got this great rapport going.
07:45Oh.
07:48Hi.
07:49Hi, sweetheart.
07:51Um, Julie?
07:52Ken?
07:53Ken?
07:53This is Julie.
07:54Hi, Ken.
07:57Hi.
07:58Uh, Marsha's told me a lot about you.
08:02Great.
08:06Um, what are you majoring in?
08:08Huh, wrong question.
08:09What do you mean?
08:10It's just a little private joke between us.
08:16Oh.
08:17Well, uh, have fun, you two.
08:20Where are we gonna go?
08:21Um, well, do you like concerts?
08:24Rock concerts?
08:25No, no, no.
08:27I'm kind of into classical music.
08:29Uh, could you take a little Mozart?
08:31Not if I could get some David Bowie.
08:33Uh, Julie, you'll love it.
08:35Really.
08:36I mean, Mozart wrote everything when he was under 30.
08:39Are you into classical music?
08:42Uh, a little.
08:46Fantastic.
08:47It's a freebie at the auditorium.
08:49You can come with us if you want.
08:50Oh, no.
08:51You two go on ahead.
08:53Excuse me.
08:58Behold the ultimate pizza.
09:01I gave it.
09:02We have peppers, onions, garlic, cheese, sausage, pepperoni, bacon, anchovies, and Alka-Seltzer.
09:14Where did you get that?
09:16The Air Force shot it down over Montana.
09:20Oh, David, I want you to meet Julie's date.
09:23Ken Anderson, David King.
09:24Hi.
09:24How you doing?
09:25Pleasure.
09:26He goes to Purdue.
09:27Oh, yeah?
09:28Uh, what's your major?
09:29Don't ask.
09:30It's a secret.
09:31That one?
09:32Would you rather go to a movie?
09:34No, no.
09:34Anything you'd like.
09:36Well, you all set for an exciting evening of, uh, vino, pizza, TV, and me?
09:41Huh?
09:42You think I can handle that excitement?
09:45Mm-hmm.
09:45Mm-hmm.
09:46That sure smells good.
09:48Yeah, well, we, uh, we have plenty.
09:51You know, if you'd like to share.
09:52I'm sure, uh, I'm sure you kids would just love to spend an evening rapping with the old folks.
09:58Dang.
10:00That's a great idea.
10:03It is?
10:05Yeah.
10:06Well, um, at the frat house, I don't get very many home-cooked meals.
10:13Uh, what about the concert?
10:15Oh, you didn't want to go to that anyway.
10:17This will be kind of different.
10:18An evening at home with your mom.
10:23I don't know what's going on here.
10:25We're obviously not hitting at all.
10:26What'd you have to ask him to stay for?
10:28Well, obviously, I didn't think he'd accept.
10:30Well, they're very awkward with each other.
10:32We gotta do something.
10:34Ah!
10:35Hey, uh, Julie, why don't you put on some music?
10:37Hey, good idea.
10:38Okay, music.
10:39Ah, in case anyone wants to dance.
10:43I'd love to.
10:44Can you do the hustle?
10:46Oh, well, I've seen Julie and Barbara do it.
10:50Come on, let's try it.
10:52Okay.
11:11You want to dance?
11:12No, thanks, David.
11:18It's pretty good.
11:19So, yeah.
11:22Woo!
11:30Uh, a little, uh, pizza?
11:36Wine?
11:41Hemlock?
12:01Anne, this was one of the greatest nights of my life.
12:05Oh, thank you.
12:06I don't remember when I danced like that.
12:10Hey, uh, it was awful nice of you to dance with my mom.
12:13I mean, most college men don't pay much attention to, uh, older people.
12:18Well, maybe Ken's in social work.
12:22Social work!
12:26Yeah, I hate to get going, but I have, uh, this history term paper to hand in tomorrow.
12:31Well, if it's about Benedict Arnold, I'm sure Mom could help.
12:37You know, I usually hate blind dates, but this was really a blast.
12:41Would it be all right if I called you again, Judy?
12:44Oh, sure, call any time.
12:46But if Judy doesn't answer, you can ask for me.
12:49I'm Julie.
12:52Ray, sorry.
12:54I'm not very good with names.
12:56Well, good night, Anne.
12:57It was nice meeting you, Mr. Kane.
12:58Yeah.
13:00Uh, now that you, uh, know where we live, don't be a stranger.
13:05Ciao.
13:07Ciao.
13:09Ciao.
13:11Ciao.
13:21Well, he certainly seems to be a nice young man.
13:28Julie, you're getting to have good taste in men.
13:31Taste?
13:31I didn't even get to touch.
13:35What are you talking about?
13:36You're worse than Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate.
13:39And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.
13:42Heaven holds a place for those who pray.
13:46Hey, hey, hey.
13:48Hey, hey.
13:49Hey, wait a minute here.
13:51I mean, I was trying to make him feel warm and welcome.
13:54Warm and welcome, not hot and bothered.
13:58Julie, what is the matter with you?
14:00You practically threw yourself in his arms.
14:02Julie, I did no such thing.
14:05Besides, when I throw myself in someone's arms, I don't miss.
14:10You should have seen yourself wiggling around there in your tight jeans.
14:14You made the hustle look like a mating dance.
14:16Julie, you were exaggerating everything
14:18out of all proportion.
14:19Am I, David?
14:20Go ahead.
14:20Tell her, David.
14:21Go ahead.
14:21Yeah, David, go ahead.
14:23Tell me.
14:23Well, I think you might have overdone it just a trifle,
14:27Tina Turner.
14:35I don't believe this.
14:36I mean, you are jealous of a kid who isn't dry behind the ears yet.
14:40Yeah, well, he's dry behind the ears now.
14:43You were blowing in him all night.
14:45Julie, enough.
14:49Ah, come on, David.
14:51You don't think I was really giving him ideas, do you?
14:54Probably, unless he's training for the priesthood.
14:59He is a kid, a baby.
15:01He's 19 years old.
15:02I'm an old lady to him.
15:04Oh, then that must be the attraction.
15:08Mom, you want to know what your problem is?
15:10You are too bright, too intelligent, too sexy, and too pretty.
15:15Well, we're just going to have to learn to live with that, won't we?
15:18And too show-offy.
15:20Look, Julie, I was just trying to make him feel comfortable.
15:24Yeah, she was trying to help him get over his, uh, shyness.
15:29Shy?
15:29If Ken is shy, I'm Raquel Welch.
15:32And obviously I am not Raquel Welch.
15:36I hope you enjoyed robbing the cradle.
15:38Well, Julie, I am going to forgive you that because I know you inherited a big mouth from me.
15:44Now, look, if I gave Ken the wrong impression, I'm sorry.
15:51Hi, everyone.
15:52Hi.
15:54Where's the college man?
15:55He graduated to Mom.
15:58Julie has some absurd idea that I was coming on to a college man.
16:02Yeah, you should have seen him dancing cheek to cheek.
16:06Nobody dances cheek to cheek today.
16:09Mom was the bump.
16:16Well, I guess I'm a little too young for this conversation.
16:20Uh, Barbara, uh, come here.
16:22Can you think of anything more absurd and ridiculous in my being interested in a boy Ken's age?
16:27Well, I'm no judge.
16:28I thought it was absurd you being interested in a boy David's age.
16:34You're fighting and who gets killed.
16:39Well, I'll tell you what.
16:41Why don't we all go up to my apartment and drown our sorrows in some nice ice cream sundaes?
16:47Ice cream, David, now.
16:48It's not for me, Anne.
16:50That anchovy I just ate has a tapeworm.
16:54I'll go, David.
16:55Maybe I'll meet an older man in the elevator.
16:59I'll be there.
17:01I'm too pooped.
17:02Put a doggy bag in the freezer and I'll have it for breakfast.
17:05Good night, sweetheart.
17:06Uh, David, I'm gonna pass, too.
17:08You don't mind.
17:08No, no, no.
17:09Uh, maybe we'll bring you something, okay?
17:11Okay.
17:15Are they gone?
17:16Good.
17:16What did happen down here?
17:18Barbara, I thought you were tired.
17:20Well, I just said that so I could stay here and find out what I missed.
17:24Barbara, I really don't feel like, uh, getting into this tonight.
17:28Oh.
17:29Well, in that case, I'll, uh, get into my pajamas.
17:43Hello, Anne.
17:49Ken.
17:52Come on in.
17:54I forgot my jacket.
17:57Uh-huh.
17:59Well?
18:02Here it is.
18:07Where is everybody?
18:09They went for ice cream.
18:12Ken, look, uh, I'm glad you came back.
18:15Oh, you knew I would.
18:16You knew I left my jacket here just so I'd have an excuse to come back.
18:20What I don't understand is how you got them to go out for ice cream.
18:30They, uh, just went.
18:33Ken, look, uh, I've obviously made a big mistake here tonight,
18:38and I don't want you to leave thinking I'm interested in you romantically.
18:43I know why you're reacting this way.
18:46You're afraid to have a relationship with me
18:48because you're almost old enough to be my mother.
18:51Uh, Ken.
18:52No, no.
18:52It's always the same.
18:54A 50-year-old codger digs a young chick.
18:56Everybody cheers.
18:57But when it's reversed and a young guy digs, uh...
19:00Watch it.
19:02Well, it's biologically sound.
19:04Your sex drive peaks when you're 40.
19:06Come back in six years.
19:10I can't wait.
19:11Mine peaked this year.
19:19Ken, I am not interested in you romantically.
19:22You are a very nice boy.
19:26Go!
19:28That's ridiculous.
19:30Only an hour ago, I felt your vibes.
19:32No, you didn't.
19:33I wasn't vibrating.
19:34I was dancing.
19:35You know, your age doesn't matter to me.
19:37Good.
19:38Well, then I'll just cancel my facelift.
19:41Ken, look.
19:42We are worlds apart.
19:44For one thing, I'm a divorced woman.
19:45That's okay.
19:47I want someone who's been around.
19:50I'm not as mature as I look.
19:55Oh, I wish I were upstairs having a chocolate sundae.
19:59And I took Psyche 1.
20:05Now, by telling me you're a divorced woman, you're subconsciously letting me know you have a strong urge to be
20:13loved.
20:13Oh, really?
20:15Yeah, your mind is confused, but your emotions are ready.
20:19Would you leave my emotions out of this, please?
20:22Why fight it?
20:23It's a purely natural urge.
20:24I don't want to talk about natural or unnatural.
20:26We're not talking about yogurt here.
20:29You're so beautiful when you're angry.
20:31Well, in a minute, I am going to be gorgeous.
20:35You're gorgeous now.
20:40Ken!
20:46Well, you struck out again, Ken.
20:51Ken, you didn't strike out.
20:56You were never up to bat.
21:01Sit down, Ken.
21:03Maybe I better get going.
21:05Uh, come on.
21:07Sit.
21:13Why me, Ken?
21:16Well, you're pretty, you're attractive, you're interesting.
21:19That's a crock.
21:20I mean, it's very flattering, but nevertheless, it's a crock.
21:24What about girls your own age?
21:26And you're also very bright.
21:30Um...
21:31I'm just not comfortable with girls my own age.
21:35I always wanted the first time to be with an older woman.
21:40Ken, if you want your first experience to be with an older woman, let me give you a little hint.
21:48Never call her an older woman.
21:52Uh, what do you mean, first time?
21:57Well, it's not exactly.
21:59I went out with this girl in high school who was...
22:02Well, she was...
22:04An expert in biology.
22:07Yeah.
22:08Yeah.
22:10And afterwards...
22:12Well, she laughed at me.
22:14And you thought you wouldn't be taking that chance with me?
22:17Yeah, well, all the guys said that older women are grateful.
22:25Ken, older women aren't grateful.
22:28They're critical.
22:30Besides, it's not better with an older woman.
22:33It's not?
22:34No.
22:35And it's not better with a younger woman.
22:36You know when it's better?
22:37When both of you dig each other.
22:39Did you, uh...
22:41Dig the biology expert of the class of 75?
22:45I didn't even know her.
22:47Some guy fixed me up and I met her in a parking lot.
22:53Ken, find somebody you care about and who cares about you.
22:57And believe me, even the mistakes will be fantastic.
23:01Okay?
23:03Now, go home.
23:09I, um...
23:10I guess you never want to see me around this house again.
23:13Ah, Ken.
23:14Consider yourself...
23:16a friend of the family.
23:18Okay?
23:19Okay.
23:20That's...
23:20That's really nice of you, Miss Romano.
23:22All right.
23:24Oh, that second Sunday was ridiculous.
23:27I think I'm gonna be sick.
23:28Well, let's face it.
23:29This entire evening has been pretty ridiculous.
23:31You're right.
23:32Absolutely right.
23:34You know, I guess I was uptight because, uh...
23:36the college drip didn't drop dead for me.
23:39Jay, I kind of wish you had.
23:41Yeah, well, I got mad because your mother wouldn't dance at me,
23:44which is pretty silly considering I hate to dance in the first place.
23:48Well, I hope she isn't still upset with us.
23:51Yeah, well, you're not the one who accused her of robbing the cradle.
23:54That's...
23:57Doesn't have to rob it.
23:59She owns it.
24:03Hi.
24:05Hello.
24:06You know you got one heck of a mother.
24:10Listen, Julie.
24:11Julie, I'm really sorry about tonight.
24:15Can I make it up to you?
24:16Can I take you out for an ice cream sundae?
24:19Oh, well...
24:20I'm dying to.
24:21Oh, my God.
24:23Hi, David.
24:24Yeah.
24:33Next.
24:53This program was recorded on tape for a live audience.
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25:26This program was recorded on tape for a live audience.
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