- 2 days ago
How to Succeed Without Trying
David gets Ann a job interview for an assistant to an account executive in a public relations firm. However, Ann is worried that her qualifications for the position won't matter as much as her sex appeal. Meanwhile, Julie coaches Barbara in flirting with her teacher to influence him during exams.
David gets Ann a job interview for an assistant to an account executive in a public relations firm. However, Ann is worried that her qualifications for the position won't matter as much as her sex appeal. Meanwhile, Julie coaches Barbara in flirting with her teacher to influence him during exams.
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TVTranscript
00:02This is it, this is it, this is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball, this
00:10is it, this is it, straight ahead, and rest assured, you can't be sure at all, so while you're here,
00:19enjoy the view, keep on doing what you do, hold on tight, we'll muddle through, one day at a time,
00:26one day at a time, so up on your feet,
00:30somewhere there's music playing, don't you worry enough, just take it like it's off, one day at a time, one
00:39day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one
00:46day at a time, one day at a time.
00:54Come on, you stupid earring.
00:57Where are you?
00:59Mom!
00:59Have you found it yet?
01:00I have got to have that earring tonight.
01:03With one earring, Danny Pepperdine's gonna think I'm a pirate or something.
01:07I'm looking.
01:08I'm looking.
01:08Can you see me look?
01:09Julie, will you please help me with my geometry?
01:11You probably knew I shouldn't have lent it to you.
01:13You're always losing all my stuff anyway.
01:15Will you tell her to help me with my geometry?
01:16Mother, you're not listening.
01:18I am, too.
01:18That is not a listening position.
01:24It's a looking position.
01:25Now, would you leave her alone?
01:26She's trying to find my earring.
01:27I don't care about your earring.
01:28I have an exam tomorrow.
01:29Well, I don't care about your exam.
01:30I've got a date tonight.
01:32Well, who cares about your date?
01:33You know what I'm supposed to...
01:33Hold it!
01:36All right.
01:38We are going to worry about the exam first,
01:40and then we'll look for your earring.
01:42Typical.
01:42The older one gets pushed aside again.
01:44Really?
01:45Your sister has a geometry exam.
01:47Big deal.
01:49Ma, no female is going to flunk Mr. Turner's class.
01:54Barbie, just shampoo your hair in the morning and wear your tightest jeans.
02:02What's that got to do with geometry?
02:03Nothing, you dummy.
02:04It's got to do with your teacher turned on Turner.
02:09You mean, use my sex appeal?
02:11Even though you've got to work on him.
02:15Barbie, when you go up to hand your test in,
02:17just kind of lean over his shoulder and let your hair tickle his ear.
02:22Hair, tickle his ear.
02:25What else has she got to work with?
02:29I got a B last year and never even cracked a book.
02:32I'm glad you weren't going for an A.
02:35Hey, to get an A from Turn on Turner,
02:37all you got to do is, uh, walk away.
02:39Hey!
02:40Julie, cut that out!
02:41I mean, we don't need to use sex anymore.
02:44Great.
02:44Just when I'm getting there, it goes out of style.
02:51Besides, Ma, you always told us sex was such a beautiful thing.
02:55Oh, honey, it is.
02:57It is.
02:58I mean that, but it has its definite place.
03:01Believe me, I'm all for sex.
03:04Nothing like being in the right place at the right time.
03:09Hello, David, and cool it, David.
03:11Hey, Ann, I got some terrific...
03:12David!
03:14Would you tell these girls which you admire more,
03:17a woman with brains or a woman with...
03:21Like I said, cool it, David.
03:25Uh, Barbara, back to your room.
03:28Oh, and exercise your brain, not your butt.
03:33Nice try, kid.
03:35Mom, I'm gonna go look for my earring in the kitchen,
03:38because if you're looking in here, it's probably in there.
03:42Ann, Ann, I've got some fantastic news for you.
03:45What is it?
03:46Well, what am I offered?
03:48Uh, all my New York City bonds.
03:53Aw, come on.
03:55This is big stuff.
03:56It's gonna cost you more than that.
03:57Promise him anything, Ma.
03:59You can always get a headache, just like you used to with Dad.
04:02Oh, wait.
04:04David, you gonna tell me, you're not gonna tell me.
04:07Okay, okay, no more games.
04:09Uh, here's what I wanted to tell you.
04:11I found an earring.
04:12My earring?
04:13Oh, boy, Ma.
04:14Some look who you are.
04:15Why didn't you look where he looked?
04:16Oh, uh, Julie, you wanted your earring, right?
04:18Yes, I did.
04:19You got your earring.
04:20You're welcome.
04:21Ann?
04:22Oh, David, you wanted to tell...
04:24I'm sorry.
04:24What is it?
04:25Well, it was really nothing.
04:26It's just that I got you a job.
04:28A job?
04:29Great, a job.
04:31What as?
04:32As an assistant to an account executive in a public relations firm.
04:35Oh, David.
04:39Hey, that was pretty good.
04:40You want to try for chairman of the board?
04:43David, a job.
04:45You got me a real job.
04:47The interview is tomorrow.
04:48Tomorrow.
04:51David, I'm scared.
04:53What do I know about interviews?
04:55Last interview I had was with a priest when I told him I was gonna marry a Baptist.
05:02And come on.
05:03Look, it's all said.
05:05I spoke to Pete Holston, the account exec, and he understands your situation.
05:10Look, sure, you've been off the job market for a while, but you've got the perfect qualifications.
05:15Believe me.
05:16You're bright, intuitive, inventive.
05:21You've got a fantastic tush.
05:27David, I am applying for this job on the basis of what I am.
05:32Which is?
05:34I'm bright, inventive, intuitive.
05:37I'm very organized.
05:39I'm good with ideas, with people.
05:42What will I wear to the interview that's gonna make me look businesslike?
05:44Don't wear a bra.
05:47I'm not gonna play that kind of game.
05:49You see, David, all I ask here is a fair shake.
05:53Then be sure not to wear a bra.
06:03He's still on the Los Angeles call.
06:10You can go in now.
06:12Oh, uh, thank you.
06:15Miss Romano?
06:16Uh, uh, yes?
06:19I'm Pete Holston.
06:20You're David's friend.
06:21Oh, uh, yes, Mr. Holston.
06:25It's very nice meeting you.
06:27Sorry to have kept you waiting.
06:28Please come in.
06:32David's spoken very highly of you.
06:34You've made, uh, quite an impression on him.
06:36Tell me about yourself.
06:38Uh, well, I'm, uh, I'm 34.
06:41I'm divorced.
06:43And, uh, oh, thanks.
06:46Although I haven't had much recent experience,
06:48I'm bright, and I learn fast, and I'm a hard worker.
06:52Yes.
06:54Well, um, at the moment, we've no reason to challenge that, have we?
06:58Oh, uh, if you're interested in guns, uh, Miss Romano,
07:02this is an original Colt .45.
07:05Uh, Mr. Holston.
07:07Pete.
07:07Uh, yeah, uh, frankly, I'm not into guns.
07:12Uh, what I'm into is doing the best job I know how.
07:17Excellent.
07:17I like that.
07:19Good.
07:20I mean, I felt I had to say that.
07:23Honesty is the best policy.
07:26Right.
07:29Here, my, my resume.
07:31Oh.
07:33Uh, there's one thing about the job, though.
07:36You'll be meeting a lot of people.
07:38Clients, the product.
07:43Do you have an affliction?
07:47You seem to be having trouble with your right arm.
07:51Uh, Mr. Holston, uh, you see, what we have here is some, uh, wet, sticky gum
07:58that I've been trying to get rid of ever since you came out.
08:03It's beautiful.
08:04I love it.
08:06Honesty with a sense of humor.
08:08We could use a lot more of that around here.
08:12Oh, darn.
08:14I have an appointment.
08:16I'm terribly sorry.
08:17Look, tell you what, I'll go over your resume and I'll get back to you just as soon as I
08:23can.
08:24I hope you don't mind.
08:25Oh, no, no, of course not.
08:30You know, you're a nice person.
08:33May I return the compliment?
08:34I think you and I could work well together.
08:39Bye.
08:40Bye.
08:41Bye.
08:54Danny Pepperdine, you bore me.
08:56We've had it.
08:57I am through with you.
08:59I never want to talk to you again.
09:01Did you hear that, Danny Pepperdine?
09:03Never.
09:03Never, never, never, never.
09:05Oh, my mom's home.
09:06Call me back later.
09:06Mom, what happened?
09:07Did you get this out?
09:10It was beautiful.
09:12For your information, my darlings, times have really changed.
09:16I mean, you can forget all your turned-on turners.
09:19I walked in, and I told Mr. Holston where I stood.
09:23Oh, and he bought it.
09:25Did you get the job?
09:27Well, not yet, but he's gonna call.
09:29She didn't get it.
09:30No, you don't understand.
09:32The point is, he accepted me as a person.
09:36Oh, he is a beautiful man, a mature, enlightened human being.
09:43Been talking to the ladies in the laundry room, eh?
09:49What do you want, Schneider?
09:51Ms. Romano, ask not what you can do for your super,
09:54but rather what your super can do for you.
10:01Don't tempt me.
10:03Mr. Romano, I got a little present here for you.
10:07It's something that all the ladies in the apartment are fighting over.
10:11It's a whisper-silent flush valve for your can.
10:16Schneider, you shouldn't have.
10:17You know how I feel about you.
10:20Besides, in this here apartment with these walls, you got no privacy.
10:23I mean, what you got now is...
10:31When I get that little baby installed, what you're gonna have is...
10:40You're ahead of your time.
10:41Some men are still trying it with roses.
10:46As you say, some men with roses, some with thoughtfulness.
10:51You realize it's gonna take me a little time to, uh, to get this baby installed.
10:56How about two seconds?
10:57Ooh, the fire.
10:58Mr. Romano, the fire.
11:00That's what I love about you.
11:01That's what I'm gonna miss about you when you go to work.
11:03You did get the job.
11:05Ah, no, but she won't admit it.
11:06Julie, he said he's gonna call.
11:08Oh, I'm sure.
11:10A lady with your kind of build, I'm sure he's got something up his sleeve.
11:14Schneider, you got a one-track mind.
11:16Speaking of one-tracks, if you'd like to spend a weekend in my caboose, just let me know.
11:26Julie's massage parlor, we never rub you the wrong way.
11:32Uh, uh, I'm sorry.
11:33I thought you were Danny Pepperdine.
11:36Uh, Mom, it's Mr. Holston.
11:43Hello, Mr. Holston.
11:46Uh, no, no, no, no, no.
11:48That is just my warped daughter's idea of a little joke.
11:52Yeah, uh, oh, um, sure.
11:55Oh, well, thank you very much.
11:58Uh-huh.
11:59Well, what time would be convenient?
12:02Well, yeah, that'd be fine.
12:04All right, it'd be a pleasure to see you again, too.
12:08Bye-bye.
12:10He read the resume, and he wants to see me.
12:13Oh, that's great.
12:15Oh, honey, we better get dinner on the table and get this place straightened up.
12:19What for?
12:19Well, he's coming over here tonight.
12:22Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
12:26Get off it, OneTrack.
12:28He is a very busy man.
12:30He is going to a dinner, and then he's coming over here.
12:32I can only guess why.
12:35He said we'd be less apt to be interrupted here at my place.
12:39The two of us...
12:42alone.
12:44The two of us... alone?
12:48All aboard for South Bend, Terre Haute, and Valparaiso!
12:54Woo-hoo!
13:04Mom, wear a bra.
13:15Ann, listen to me.
13:17You're upset over nothing.
13:18I know Pete Holston.
13:20Sure, I know he comes on like Warren Beatty in Shampoo,
13:23but he's really Don Nuts in The Incredible Mr. Limpet.
13:29Mom, grow up.
13:31The guy digs you.
13:32The job is yours.
13:33And you need the job, don't you?
13:34So try and relax.
13:36I don't want to relax.
13:37I want to be uptight.
13:39My reflexes are faster when I'm uptight.
13:42Hey, screwed.
13:43Mothers are so boring.
13:43Let's get out of here.
13:46David, sit down.
13:52Uh, look.
13:54David, I know I can handle him.
13:57But the thing is, anything I say will seem sexy to him.
14:01Like asking him to sit down.
14:03Didn't do a thing for me.
14:06Not the way I say it, David, but the way he'll hear it.
14:10Wait, you know I had that big hassle with the girls
14:12about using their brains instead of their sex.
14:14What kind of example would I be setting?
14:15Ann, be practical.
14:17Use the fact you're a woman.
14:19Get the job first.
14:20Then teach him the facts of life.
14:24As they exist today in this non-male-dominated equal society.
14:30David, would you be honest with me?
14:33Okay.
14:34Um, am I the most beautiful woman you've ever met?
14:38No.
14:39Am I the sexiest woman you've ever met?
14:42No.
14:42No.
14:43Then David, what's the big deal?
14:45What does he want?
14:46Your body.
14:47Hey!
14:50Ann, listen.
14:51He likes you.
14:52Use that.
14:53Don't go full volume.
14:55Just turn him up a little.
14:56Look, when he gets here, go to the door,
14:59open the door, and just say,
15:02Hi there.
15:03Hi there.
15:16You kiss me and I'll kill you.
15:19Mr. Schneider, now it's really the wrong time.
15:21Hi, Mr. Romano, it's too late.
15:23I've already given the flush valve to apartment 238.
15:27Of course, I am not the type to mention
15:29how she expressed her appreciation.
15:32Still, I like you,
15:34and I am going to help you get that job.
15:37All right.
15:39A jug of wine.
15:41A soft glow.
15:44Of candlelight.
15:48Voila!
15:48Ta-da-da-da-dee.
15:51But baby, it's cold outside.
15:53La-da-da-da.
15:55Baby, it's cold outside.
15:57Oh, Schneider.
15:58Oh, Schneider.
15:59Ha-ha-ha.
15:59Schneider, Schneider.
16:00Ah!
16:01I, um, really think that I can handle this all by myself.
16:06Mr. Romano, to be honest and frank,
16:09you need a lot of help.
16:11And if there's one thing that I'm full of,
16:14it's help.
16:16Now, here I am.
16:17Pick my brain.
16:18There's a harvest I'd like to sell to Russia.
16:23Schneider, Schneider, you are amazing.
16:26You know, never in my life have I known anyone
16:29who knew so little about so much.
16:33Now, hey, what are you talking about, Cub Scott?
16:35What do you know about life, huh?
16:37You haven't lived.
16:39You haven't had my disadvantages.
16:42You know, let me, uh, put this on.
16:45Raspberry lipstick gets me every time.
16:48Chapstick would get you.
16:53And put on something sexy.
16:55I am not putting anything on.
16:59That takes all the mystery away.
17:02Come on, buddy.
17:03And forget what he says.
17:04Look, I told you, I know Pete.
17:06You don't have to do a number on him.
17:08Just be nice.
17:09What do you mean, be nice?
17:11Look, kids, you want my gut reaction?
17:17Deep inside of me, a voice is saying,
17:21Hey, yeah.
17:23I mean, I mean, what's the beat for you
17:26with this Mr. Halsey fellow, right?
17:28Here's a fellow who's saying,
17:31You want something I got,
17:33and you, you're saying,
17:34You want something I got.
17:36Now, you know what I call that?
17:39I call that the game of life.
17:44Oh, please.
17:47Come on, will you?
17:49This is Indianapolis.
17:53Right, Schneider.
17:55There you go.
17:56Well, thank goodness that's settled.
17:58I gotta go rehang a door.
18:02But if this guy disappoints,
18:06you know where to find him.
18:12Do you believe him?
18:13I had a rabbit with more self-control.
18:15And you know something funny?
18:17In a crazy kind of way,
18:19for all the wrong reasons,
18:21Schneider is right.
18:22David.
18:22Just up to a point.
18:24Look, when women have all the rights
18:26they deserve and everything is equal,
18:29they are still going to be women.
18:31Right.
18:33Right.
18:33And between men and women,
18:36there is always going to exist
18:37a kind of a sexual presence.
18:41Okay, David.
18:41Then I'll buy that.
18:43Well, you have to learn to deal with that.
18:45What do you mean, deal with that?
18:47Compromise a little.
18:48Play the game.
18:50Come on, Mrs. Romano.
18:52This is Indianapolis.
18:54David, when does the compromise stop?
18:56When you get the job.
18:58Look, Ann, would I recommend this
19:00if I thought there was a chance in the world
19:01that Pete would score with you?
19:03No.
19:04So play them along.
19:06Smile.
19:06Double talk.
19:07Stall them.
19:08Do what you've been doing with me
19:10since we met.
19:13All right, all right.
19:14That was a cheap shot.
19:15I apologize.
19:17Look, if it means that much to you,
19:19forget the job.
19:20All right?
19:21Forget I was here.
19:22Forget the whole thing.
19:23Just...
19:28Ann, look.
19:29Do what you think is right, okay?
19:40If this guy disappoints,
19:42you know where to find me.
19:46Tim.
19:47Uh, hey, look.
19:49Um, I don't want to...
19:51I don't want to cramp your style here.
19:52Uh, I'll hide in the closet.
19:56Hey, is that him?
19:58You want us to stay out of sight?
19:59Uh, calm this here.
20:01Uh, no.
20:02What I want you to do
20:03is tell him
20:04that if he's interested
20:05in hiring me as a person,
20:06I'll see him in his office tomorrow.
20:08Uh, can you handle that?
20:10Yeah.
20:10Okay.
20:12What can I do?
20:13Uh, I got it.
20:15Remember when Norm the nerd
20:17came to the door to see you?
20:19Okay.
20:20Yeah.
20:21Ahem.
20:27Oh, uh, I'm Pete Holson.
20:31Ah, yes.
20:32Well, uh, mother will have to see you
20:34in your office tomorrow.
20:35But we have an appointment for tonight.
20:37I know, but, uh,
20:38she went to Chicago last week
20:39and drank the water,
20:40and, uh, she got sick.
20:45The doctor said
20:46that it's very catching.
20:52She'll be okay in the morning.
20:54Well, you tell her
20:55that I hope she's feeling better,
20:57and I'll see her in the office.
21:09Thank you, old Barbie.
21:11May I have the envelope, please?
21:14The winner, Miss Barbara Cooper,
21:16for the best performance
21:17by a...
21:18wretch retching.
21:29Come in, Miss Romano.
21:31Ah, thank you.
21:33Nice to see you're looking so well.
21:35Sit down.
21:37No, I think I'd better stand.
21:39I may not be staying long.
21:41Oh?
21:42Mr. Holston,
21:44I wasn't sick last night.
21:45I was in the next room.
21:47My daughter's put on that act,
21:49so you wouldn't come in.
21:50Oh?
21:52See, Mr. Holston,
21:53I really want this job,
21:55but right up front,
21:56we gotta be honest with each other.
21:57We're both adults,
21:59and I think we both know
22:00why you wanted to come by last night.
22:03Oh?
22:04Oh.
22:07See, the thing is,
22:09I do want this job,
22:10but I want it on the basis
22:11of my qualifications,
22:13not because, uh,
22:14you like to look at my legs.
22:16Oh, Miss Romano,
22:19I can't tell you
22:20how refreshing it is
22:21to hear a woman talk like this.
22:23I understand,
22:24and I respect you for it.
22:26I'm sorry about last night.
22:28I feel terrible about it.
22:29Uh, you mean that?
22:32Almost.
22:33I admit,
22:34some men are still hung up
22:36on this macho thing,
22:37but if enough women
22:39had your courage,
22:40that would change.
22:42You've kind of restored
22:43my faith in men.
22:45I like my reaction
22:46to your total frankness.
22:48I'm glad.
22:49Meanwhile,
22:50I still like your legs.
22:52Better than hating them.
22:54Um,
22:55job still open?
22:58If you had come in
22:59a half hour ago,
23:02I gave it to a man.
23:03He came in,
23:04he had good qualifications.
23:06Tell you what,
23:07maybe I could reach him.
23:08Oh, no, no, no.
23:09Bob, please don't do that.
23:11It's enough to know
23:12that you would have hired me.
23:13In a minute!
23:15I appreciate knowing that.
23:17Believe me,
23:19the second something opens,
23:20I'll be in touch.
23:25Bye.
23:26Bye.
23:26Miss Heffley?
23:27Mm-hmm.
23:33Can I use your table?
23:34Sure.
23:35You know,
23:36that is a wonderful man in there.
23:43Miss Heffley,
23:44I'm so sorry.
23:46If I didn't have this luncheon date,
23:47we'd have time.
23:48But it's unfair
23:49to rush your interview.
23:51I wouldn't have a chance
23:52to get to know you.
23:53Oh, I understand.
23:55Tell you what,
23:57I'll go over your resume
23:58and I'll get back to you
24:00just as soon as I can.
24:02Wonderful.
24:04Better still,
24:05maybe I can save you a trip in.
24:08and why don't I just
24:09drop by your place
24:10this evening.
24:11So,
24:11you have my number.
24:14Bye.
24:15Bye.
24:17Uh,
24:18Mr. Halston.
24:19Ah.
24:20Ha ha.
24:21You know,
24:22when a man
24:23puts his hand
24:25on a girl's shoulder,
24:27but he's
24:28really thinking lower.
24:36I'm thinking higher.
24:54I'm thinking higher.
25:04This program was recorded on tape before a live audience.
25:39This program was recorded on tape before a live audience.
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