- 2 days ago
David Plus Two
Ann is comfortable with her platonic relationship with David. However, she has an interesting reaction when she discovers David and a sexy new building tenant in a compromising situation, which brings to the forefront her true feelings for David.
Ann is comfortable with her platonic relationship with David. However, she has an interesting reaction when she discovers David and a sexy new building tenant in a compromising situation, which brings to the forefront her true feelings for David.
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TVTranscript
00:02This is it, this is it, this is life, the one you get, so go and have a ball, this
00:10is it, this is it, straight ahead, and rest assured, you can't be sure at all, so while you're here,
00:19enjoy the view, keep on doing what you do, hold on tight, we'll muddle through, one day at a time,
00:26one day at a time,
00:27So up on your feet, up on your feet, somewhere there's music playing, don't you worry not, just take it
00:37like it's off, one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one day
00:45at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time.
00:55I hate ironing.
00:58That's life.
00:59Well, you don't have to do it, you just snap your fingers at me and I get to do it.
01:03You're breaking my heart.
01:05Mom, it is bad enough doing my own ironing, but it's gross doing David's.
01:09Why are we doing his laundry anyway?
01:11I lost a bet with him.
01:12What kind of a bet?
01:13Never mind.
01:15Oh!
01:17Fantastic, you lose, I iron.
01:20Julie, knock it off, huh?
01:21I asked you to do one shirt, that's all, and that's very good practice for when you're on your own.
01:26When I'm on my own, I'm gonna live with a guy that irons.
01:29Good luck.
01:31If she would just iron with her mouth, it would have been done an hour ago.
01:37How'd you like to be pressed to death?
01:41Why isn't she doing anything?
01:42She's doing her homework.
01:43With an emery board?
01:46I have to watch the 10 o'clock news for civics class.
01:49Barbara, it's only 8.
01:50That's not my fault.
01:52Barbara, darling, if you have nothing better to do, go in the kitchen and put the dishes away.
01:56I hate putting away the dishes.
01:59That's life.
01:59That's life.
02:00Think.
02:01Uh, uh, Julie, would you let me do that, please?
02:05You're wrinkling the collar, something awful.
02:06I thought you'd never notice.
02:09Go do your homework.
02:10Okay.
02:12Now I'm doing all the work.
02:14What's she doing?
02:15My homework.
02:21Hello.
02:22Hello.
02:23Hi, guys.
02:24Hey, David.
02:26Ann.
02:27I have something very personal, very real, and very meaningful.
02:31I have to ask.
02:34Have you finished my laundry yet?
02:37Almost.
02:37Well, well, there's no hurry.
02:40I just thought I'd get it out of your way.
02:41Hey, David.
02:42What was that bet that stuck us with your dumb laundry?
02:45It was just a dumb bet.
02:47It was not dumb.
02:48It was brilliant.
02:49I'll demonstrate.
02:50I gotta see this.
02:54How many fingers do you see?
02:56Three.
02:59And now?
03:01Three.
03:04And now?
03:06Three.
03:07Three.
03:07Three.
03:07There are four.
03:08I see three.
03:09I'm telling you, there are four.
03:10Three.
03:11There are four fingers here.
03:12If I'm wrong, will you do my laundry for a week?
03:14Yes.
03:15I'm wrong.
03:16Oh!
03:27Thank you very much.
03:29I will pick up the rest of my laundry tomorrow and drop the new load off for Julie next week.
03:35Hey, David, do you hurry?
03:37Do you want to go to the movies?
03:38An affair to remember is back at the Tivoli.
03:40Oh, Ann, I'd love to, but I have a very important meeting.
03:44Good night.
03:45Sure.
03:45Don't you remember?
03:46I told you I'd be busy on Friday.
03:47Oh, and it's the last night for an affair to remember.
03:50I was dying to see it again.
03:51Oh, Ma, don't give up so easily.
03:53You're a woman.
03:54Use it.
03:54Right.
03:55Put a little more into it.
03:57Oh, David, David, you foxy, sexy hunk.
04:00Oh, kiss, kiss.
04:02Please, kiss.
04:03Take me to the movie tonight.
04:05I'll be yours, body and soul.
04:10It's worth a try.
04:15Oh, David, David, you foxy, sexy hunk.
04:20I'll be yours, body and soul.
04:23Oh, but only during the cartoon.
04:29Not good enough.
04:30I know, I know.
04:31Listen, Ann, I would love to see an affair to remember again.
04:34I could use the sleep, but, uh, Edgar Peterson is flying in just for this meeting,
04:41and he is our biggest client, so, uh, I'll see you.
04:44Okay.
04:45Well, hello.
04:46Hi.
04:47Hi, Ed.
04:47Hi, Disney.
04:48Hi, girls.
04:49You know, every time I see these girls, I get jealous.
04:51Two beautiful child support checks.
04:55David, this is Denny Barnes.
04:57Uh, Denny just moved in last month.
04:59Uh, Denny, David Cain, he lives upstairs.
05:01We've met.
05:01As a matter of fact, we...
05:02Yes, yes, in the elevator.
05:03Uh, Denny, how are you?
05:05Oh, fantastic.
05:06According to everybody, except my ex-husband.
05:10Denny has this slight tendency to be outspoken.
05:12Yes, I know.
05:14Uh, that is, we had quite a conversation in the elevator.
05:17I didn't know you guys knew David.
05:19Oh, he's an old friend.
05:21Uh, I'm Ann's lawyer.
05:22I handled her divorce.
05:23Mm-hmm.
05:24I wish you'd handled mine.
05:25I looked all over for a rich, handsome, available lawyer, and then I caught him winking at the
05:29bailiff.
05:31Dabby, Dabby.
05:33Well, uh, I've got to get to my meeting, you know, so...
05:36I mean, I know why I came down here.
05:38Oh, David, would you wait just a second?
05:40Do you have any plant hormones?
05:41My, uh, creeping Charlie's, uh, pooping out.
05:45That's too bad.
05:46Hey, maybe Schneider will have some hormones.
05:49Ha, ha.
05:49That's the understatement of the year.
05:52Well, listen, you know, Charlie can wait.
05:54Uh, I'll talk sexy to him.
05:56That'll hold him over.
05:57Kiss, kiss.
05:59Bye, girls.
06:00Bye, Ann.
06:00Bye, Denny.
06:01See you, David.
06:03Yeah, right.
06:05Boy, would I love to tag her phone.
06:09Yeah, me too.
06:11Hey, David, uh, you might as well take what I've already done.
06:14Here's some shirts.
06:15Okay.
06:15And I washed your bathrobe and ironed your pajamas.
06:19You ironed my pajamas?
06:21Well, she does windows, too.
06:23She's a real old-fashioned girl.
06:25You better grab her quick.
06:26I've tried that.
06:27It doesn't work.
06:29Okay.
06:32Thanks a lot, and I'll pick up the rest tomorrow, okay?
06:35Hey, uh, David, you never, uh, mentioned that you knew her.
06:38Who?
06:38Denny.
06:39Oh, Denny.
06:40Uh, well, I guess she just didn't make a very big impression.
06:46Denny?
06:48See ya.
06:49Uh, David, you want to come for dinner tomorrow night?
06:51You talk me into it.
06:53As usual.
06:54Cute.
06:55Bye.
06:56Mom, you are too much.
06:58David comes over here, gets a pair of socks washed and a free meal, and he thinks he's got
07:02it made.
07:03You're playing him exactly right.
07:05Playing what exactly right?
07:07The game.
07:08I do it all the time with Peter.
07:10See, I give him a kiss on the nose, and I get back two Big Macs, a free game of
07:14miniature
07:14golf, and all the notes for the history test.
07:17Which you both flunked.
07:19Uh, Julie, I want you to get this straight now.
07:21I am not playing any game with David.
07:25Oh, Mom, can't we talk about it?
07:26I mean, we're both mature women, and the Barbie doll here might learn something.
07:34Julie, how about letting David and I work out our lives for ourselves?
07:41Mom, I'm just trying to pay you a compliment.
07:43See, every time I get involved with a guy, I have to fight him off, but you keep David
07:47right in line.
07:48It's a work of art.
07:49Julie, as usual, you have got it all wrong.
07:52Really?
07:53Yes.
07:54David and I have worked it out.
07:55He understands how I feel, and he's mature enough to accept it.
07:58Now, will you two girls please go and do your homework?
08:01Oh, I've got to learn your technique, Mom.
08:05Are you decent?
08:07Isn't it a little too late to ask, Schneider?
08:09Whoop!
08:10Well, that depends on how you look at it.
08:15Uh, listen, Ms. Romano, is, uh, is Humpty Dumpty here?
08:18He was, but he left.
08:20Obviously in a hurry.
08:28Hey, I'm just kidding.
08:30Everybody knows he ain't past go yet.
08:34Uh, Schneider, he, uh, he is not here.
08:38Uh, he went to a business meeting.
08:40Well, then he must have walked because his car is blocking my garbage cans, and I've got
08:44to get at him.
08:45His car?
08:46Yes, I got an emergency.
08:48Mr. Rigby got tired of his wife's yakking, so he threw away a false thief.
08:52Nice, yeah, nice, yeah.
08:55You know, that's funny.
08:56He, he said he was going to the meeting.
08:58He was in a hurry, but that does look like his car.
09:00Of course it's his car.
09:01Didn't you see his new bumper sticker?
09:04Viva malpractice?
09:09Uh, Schneider, did you try his apartment?
09:11I knocked, I knocked, I knocked, I knocked.
09:13Nobody answered.
09:14Uh, do you use your pass key?
09:16Are you kidding?
09:17That's an invasion of privacy.
09:21You know, I don't understand this.
09:22He was in a hurry when he left.
09:23His car is still here.
09:25I'm going to call him.
09:26What's the matter?
09:27Probably, uh, nothing.
09:30Nothing?
09:31Mrs. Rigby is upstairs gumming an ear of corn, and you say no.
09:38There's no answer.
09:39Who are you calling?
09:40David.
09:41We lost him.
09:43I mean, he's, his car is here.
09:44He was in a hurry when he left.
09:46I hope he's all right.
09:48Well, he was acting a little strange when he was here.
09:50He was, wasn't he?
09:52Uh, maybe he's coming down with something.
09:54Well, if you call a doctor, don't mention he's a lawyer.
09:58Maybe he's hurt himself, too.
10:00Could be.
10:01I once knew a guy who short-circuited six entire city blocks, sitting on his john, using his hot comb.
10:12Uh, Barbara, go do your homework, huh?
10:15Uh, Schneider, look, I think we better go check his apartment.
10:18Can I, uh, use your passkey?
10:19Sure, anything.
10:20You're back at my call.
10:28Well, he's got to be in there.
10:29He's playing one of them Bach feuds again.
10:32He's not answering.
10:34Something must have happened.
10:35Open it, open it, open it, open it, open it, open it, open it, open it, open it, open it.
10:38It doesn't work.
10:39Do something.
10:40You might be sick, hurting.
10:41Miss Romano, he has obviously changed the lock because my key to...
10:45Wait a second.
10:47Yeah?
10:48Look at this.
10:49Watch this.
10:51I'm gonna...
10:54I'm gonna...
11:08I'm gonna change the record and...
11:12Come on, Danny, wait a minute.
11:14Hey, wait, wait a second.
11:15Come on.
11:16Wait, wait.
11:16Don't change it.
11:17Let it...
11:45But Jody, he's used...
11:48He doesn't want you. He wants what you've got.
11:50I mean, how many girls have a Kawasaki 750?
11:57Mom, what's the matter?
11:59Nothing.
12:00Did you find David?
12:01Yes.
12:01Oh, Jody, hold on.
12:02Julie, hang up.
12:03Mom, I was just...
12:04I said hang up. David's bound to call. I wouldn't miss it for the world.
12:07Uh, Jody, call back later.
12:09Is David all right? Well, what happened?
12:11Nothing happened. I don't care what happened.
12:16Hello?
12:17Uh, just a second, Mom. It's David.
12:20Hang up! I don't want to talk to him.
12:24You made me hang up on Jody just so you could hang up on David?
12:27I said hang up!
12:30Uh, David, I think you'd better call back later.
12:32Mom, what happened up there?
12:34I told you! Nothing!
12:41The bathroom.
12:45He was wearing the bathrobe.
12:46He was wearing the bathrobe.
12:47I washed and ironed.
12:52And she was wearing the pajamas.
12:54She?
12:55Who's she?
12:57You said she.
12:58I heard it too. You said she.
13:00David was up there with a woman.
13:03Uh, I don't want to talk about this.
13:05Maybe you don't, but I do.
13:06Judy.
13:08Uh, call Jody.
13:10I don't want to call Jody.
13:11Ma, this is much better.
13:14David was with another woman?
13:16So that's why he hasn't been climbing the walls lately.
13:22Who was it?
13:24It was Denny.
13:25I know it was Denny.
13:26It had to be Denny.
13:27That's why David was acting so strange when she was down here.
13:31I can't believe it.
13:33David was cheating on Mom.
13:34Barbara, you can't cheat on Platonic.
13:40Believe me, I don't care what he was doing.
13:43If he wants to be this building's official jackrabbit,
13:46that he is dandy with me.
13:49Oh, you're jealous.
13:50Oh, wrong.
13:51No, I'm not jealous.
13:52I'm just, uh, disappointed in him, that's all.
13:56Jealous.
13:57Right.
13:58Barbara, Julie, look.
14:01David has a right to lead his own life.
14:02Now, I've always acknowledged that, so why should I be jealous?
14:05Sure, it was a surprise.
14:07I was a little angry at first, but I'm not angry anymore.
14:16I'll get it.
14:18Barbara, wait.
14:25Who is it?
14:27Uh, it's, uh, David.
14:30Well, that was quick.
14:39Ann, I want to talk to you. Would you open the door, please?
14:43Bye, David.
14:44Uh, Ann, come on. Stop being ridiculous.
14:46Open the door. Let me in, okay? Let me in.
14:48Oh, David, how foolish of me!
14:50Your laundry, that's what you want.
14:52Ann, stop fooling around, please.
14:54Of course, your laundry. I'm sorry.
14:55Ann, come on.
14:56Ann.
15:05I hope your shorts shrunk!
15:09Ann!
15:11Ann, come on!
15:12Hey, uh, Valentino, you dropped a ball in for me.
15:19Buzz off, Schneider.
15:21Hey, I'm on your side. We machos gotta stick together.
15:26You beat it.
15:28I'm just trying to be of some help to you.
15:30The next time, all you gotta do is park your car around the corner,
15:33climb in the basement window, and I'll sneak you upstairs in a trash can.
15:38I'm gonna take a hike.
15:39You should've clued me in!
15:40I could've told Ms. Romano I seen you over to the American Legion Hall.
15:43Schneider.
15:44I really underestimated you. I really did.
15:47I mean, your technique is a little rough, but the results are incredible.
15:52Schneider.
15:52Two in one building!
15:54Schneider!
15:55Hey, hurray!
15:57I think what I'll do, I'll, uh, I'll go, I'll go check in on Ms. Barnes.
16:02I mean, after all, she was kinda left hanging.
16:08Ann!
16:09Ann, open this door!
16:11Ann, if you don't open this door, I'm gonna put my fist through the window!
16:16Uh, girls, would you, uh, take me?
16:20Yeah.
16:27Can we talk about this quietly like two reasonable adults?
16:33David, I am not interested in your apologies.
16:38I have no intention of apologizing.
16:40You had no right breaking into my apartment.
16:44David, I was worried that you were sick.
16:48Or hurt.
16:49If I knew that you were gonna lie to me, I wouldn't have bothered.
16:52Oh, come on!
16:53Oh, Ann!
16:54Edgar Peterson is flying in town for this very important business meeting!
16:57I'm sorry I interrupted you before you concluded your business with old Ed!
17:00Wait a minute!
17:01In the pajamas!
17:02I ironed!
17:03Damn it, David!
17:04You say that you love me, and then you spend Wednesday and Friday nights with her!
17:09I did not spend Wednesday night with her!
17:10Oh, yes you did!
17:11I know, because you told me you were going bowling!
17:13I did go bowling!
17:14My score was 166!
17:16If I hadn't interrupted, it would have been 167!
17:22What number have I been assigned?
17:25About 950.
17:32Oh...
17:33David, why did you have to lie to me?
17:35You know why I had to lie, but that's beside the point.
17:39You're not objecting to the lie.
17:40You're objecting because I was with another woman.
17:43You're jealous.
17:45That's ridiculous.
17:46Oh, yeah?
17:46Then why did you bring up the handball?
17:48The bowling!
17:48I played handball last week.
18:00Why did you write your lies down, David, so you can remember them?
18:04Listen, Ann, why don't you face it?
18:06You're angry because you think I've been unfaithful to you.
18:10Which is a riot, not to mention a contradiction in terms, since it is categorically impossible
18:15to be unfaithful to a woman I have never even had the chance to be faithful with in the first
18:20place!
18:21You know what?
18:22You would have liked me to hang around here forever playing the cuddly, comfortable, convenient eunuch,
18:27and tonight the whole game blew up!
18:30Well, we don't have to play that game anymore.
18:32We've cleared the air.
18:35Now, if you'll excuse me, I have my own life to live.
18:38When did you stop?
18:39It's been nice, and that's all it's been.
18:57Oh!
18:58Oh!
18:59Oh!
19:00Look, uh, everything's, everything's for the best.
19:07It was, uh, bound to come to this anyway.
19:11Huh?
19:12I'm gonna miss him.
19:14Yeah, well, I'm gonna make it a point not to.
19:21Hey, Mama, look at the bright side.
19:24No more big shirts to iron.
19:28Uh, look, I don't want to talk to anybody, okay?
19:31Okay.
19:34Is your mother here?
19:35No, Denny, I'm sorry.
19:36Of course she is.
19:36Denny!
19:37Hello, Ann.
19:38Girls, will you stop glaring at me?
19:40Your mother and I want to talk.
19:41Oh, no, we don't.
19:43Well, I do.
19:46Ann, listen, we had a nice friendship starting.
19:48I don't want to spoil it, just because we've got a relationship going with the same guy.
19:54Uh, girls.
19:58What do you want, uh, red or white?
20:01I am not in the mood for this.
20:04Neither am I.
20:04But if we don't talk, I'm gonna have to eat this ice cream all by myself.
20:08Ann, I had no idea about you and David.
20:12I mean, we didn't do that much talking.
20:15Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
20:17I really don't want to get into this.
20:20Was he down here Wednesday night?
20:22He told me he was going bowling.
20:28Wednesday night.
20:30Huh.
20:31No, he wasn't here.
20:33Uh, look.
20:35Uh, David comes down here for dinner.
20:38We go, uh, dancing.
20:40He takes you dancing?
20:41Mm-hmm.
20:41He told me he had a bad back.
20:43Mm-hmm.
20:43Come to think of it, I sure never noticed it.
20:46Oh, I'm sorry.
20:47I'm sorry.
20:55Look, Denny, uh, David and I, uh, we don't have the same kind of, uh, relationship you and he have.
21:05I don't get it. Are you first cousins or something?
21:12I don't have to spell this out, do I?
21:14No.
21:15You're not making it with him.
21:17I don't want him.
21:18What?
21:19Yeah.
21:21I do want him.
21:22I want him.
21:24But it, uh, he's rushing me.
21:27How long have you known him?
21:28A year and a half.
21:32That's rushing it?
21:34You know me.
21:34Sorry.
21:35Keep it light.
21:35Keep it gay.
21:40There's one thing I don't understand.
21:41I mean, you really seem to dig the guy.
21:44So, uh, I do a lot.
21:46And that's what scares me.
21:48I don't want to get involved with David.
21:51If I get any more involved with him, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to pull back.
21:58Uh, I was married for 17 years.
22:02I was dependent.
22:04For 17 years.
22:07Those 17 years are over.
22:09But I am the same me.
22:11Still dependent only this time on David.
22:15He's marvelous with the kids.
22:17He's got a terrific mind.
22:18A wonderful sense of humor.
22:19He's...
22:20We have a great time together.
22:21He understands my needs sometimes better than I do.
22:25I don't...
22:26I don't want to tell you all this.
22:28Then don't.
22:30Do you know how scary that is?
22:32It means I'm going to get more involved with David.
22:35I don't want to get more involved.
22:37Do you like your life the way it is right now?
22:40I've got to find out who I am.
22:42I've got to test my wings.
22:46Without flying?
22:47How can you test your wings without trying to fly?
22:56Damn it, Denny.
22:58The bottom line is I...
23:04Uh...
23:04Would you get out of here?
23:06Right.
23:07I'll be in my apartment if you need me.
23:09Stuffing my face.
23:28Please?
23:29Hello?
23:30David?
23:31Don't hang up.
23:34David?
23:36David?
23:37What?
23:41I want to come up.
23:43What's the point?
23:46David?
23:48You're not really angry with me.
23:50Yes, I am.
23:52No, you're not.
23:53I certainly am.
23:54You're not.
23:55I am.
24:00David, I say you're not.
24:02If I'm wrong, can I come up?
24:03Yes.
24:18I'm wrong.
24:39I'm wrong.
24:40You're not.
24:42I'm wrong.
24:42I'm wrong.
24:42I'm wrong.
24:56You're not.
24:57I'm wrong.
25:03I'm wrong.
25:04for a live audience.
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