- 16 minutes ago
Hyacinth realises that Richard is bored after taking early retirement and provides him with a hobby - being artistic with a video camera. However, it's a decision she will live to regret.
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00:11He's gone to 35.
00:13Who has?
00:14The postman.
00:16That's every day this week he's been to 35.
00:21He's bound to have something for us this morning.
00:23Well, if he has, he'll deliver it.
00:25If not, he'll go past again.
00:27I won't have him walking past again.
00:30Not when he's been every day to number 35.
00:34I like him walking past.
00:36Another day without a bill.
00:37I feel quite festive every time he walks past.
00:40I have to hold my head up in this community.
00:43I'm looked up too.
00:45What are they going to think if I go three days without mail?
00:48It's probably only junk mail going to 35.
00:52Richard, that is neither here nor there.
00:54I will not have my junk mail going to other people's houses.
01:02Are you finished, Richard?
01:06I thought that I'd just have a few minutes with the paper.
01:09Yes, I thought you'd finished.
01:12How much more are you being early retired if you can't find time for a few minutes with the morning
01:15paper?
01:16Off you go, then.
01:20Into your garden?
01:21Oh, not the garden.
01:23There must be something out there you could be doing.
01:25Not unless you want me to polish it.
01:29I've obliterated every wee.
01:32There's no need to take that tone, Richard.
01:34I hope that now that you've got all this leisure,
01:36you're not going to waste your time being belligerent and argumentative.
01:45Leisure.
01:46All this leisure.
01:55Morning, Richard.
01:57Just after work, Emmett.
01:58I think so.
02:00It's all right for some.
02:01Lucky old dog.
02:19I'm sorry, Richard.
02:20I wasn't thinking.
02:22It's not all right, is it?
02:24Oh, it's not so bad.
02:26I think that's the bravest thing I've ever heard.
02:29LAUGHTER
02:38Elizabeth, it's Hyacinth, dear.
02:43I just want to remind you what day it is.
02:46What day is it?
02:48Well, it's the day that Mrs. Councilor Nugent is coming for afternoon tea.
02:52You remember, dear, I told you.
02:56She's on the committee for saving something.
03:00Wales, was it, or could it be England?
03:03LAUGHTER
03:05Anyway, it's not important, dear.
03:07What is important is that I rather suspect
03:10she's going to invite me to serve with her on her committee.
03:13And I'd like you to be here, dear.
03:15Well, it's very kind of you, Hyacinth,
03:18but why do you need me there?
03:19Oh, you could make her aware of the little things that matter.
03:23You know, details that will convince her
03:25that I'm just the sort of person she's looking for.
03:29Don't overdo it, of course.
03:30I'm a great believer in subtlety, as you know.
03:33LAUGHTER
03:35Well, I'll just hover in the background.
03:37But you could perhaps draw her attention to my royal doelton
03:41with the hand-painted periwinkles.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:44Oh, not your periwinkles, Hyacinth.
03:47Don't let me near you, royal doelton.
03:49I tell you what, I'll stay in the kitchen with a beaker
03:52while you two talk.
03:54No, no, no, dear, I wouldn't hear of it.
03:56You'll be quite safe with my periwinkles. Goodbye.
03:59LAUGHTER
04:01Well, only if I tied my hands behind my back.
04:05LAUGHTER
04:05LAUGHTER
04:13I'm worried.
04:15About not getting up.
04:17LAUGHTER
04:20No, I'm not worried about not getting up.
04:23I admire you, Onslow.
04:25You can really handle the stress of not getting up.
04:28LAUGHTER
04:29I had a terrible night.
04:30I know, I was there.
04:33LAUGHTER
04:34I kept thinking about Richard,
04:36alone in that house with your Hyacinth.
04:38Well, he must be used to it by now.
04:42Not day and night.
04:43He used to have to go to work.
04:45Now the poor devil's got her day and night.
04:48LAUGHTER
04:48Oh, come on, she's not that bad.
04:52How can you lie like that?
04:54LAUGHTER
04:55Because she's my sister.
04:57LAUGHTER
04:58That poor trapped human being.
05:02LAUGHTER
05:02I'm going to have to do something about Richard.
05:05Good, it's time you were up.
05:07LAUGHTER
05:08Any more tea?
05:10LAUGHTER
05:11And a bacon butty would be nice.
05:14LAUGHTER
05:15Helping people really gives you an appetite.
05:24LAUGHTER
05:26LAUGHTER
05:37Richard!
05:41What are you doing, dear?
05:42Waiting for something to grow out of place.
05:44As soon as it moves, I'll have it.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:47I hope you won't be going through this kind of performance
05:49when Mrs. Councilor Nugent comes.
05:52Can't you find something more active?
05:56I've been thinking about that.
05:58Now I've got all this time,
05:59I thought I might sail round the world single-handed.
06:03Oh, Richard!
06:05Who'd do all your washing?
06:08LAUGHTER
06:08I'd do my own.
06:09Then who'd be steering the boat, dear?
06:12They have automatic steering things.
06:14We have an automatic washer.
06:17That's much easier.
06:19LAUGHTER
06:20What you need is a sensible hobby.
06:24Follow me.
06:27Follow me.
06:28It's a hobby, it's a full-time occupation.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:36Now, stand there till I return.
06:41Where are you going?
06:42I'll be back in a moment, just stand there.
06:44Until when?
06:45Until I come back and present you with your hobby.
06:51I haven't got a hobby.
06:52You have now.
06:54LAUGHTER
06:55I probably could.
06:57I probably could sail round the world single-handed.
07:00All alone in the middle of a vast ocean.
07:04Must be heaven.
07:06LAUGHTER
07:07She's right about the shirts, though.
07:10LAUGHTER
07:12Don't move, Richard.
07:13Stay where you are, dear.
07:15I haven't forgotten you.
07:17I thought I could buy a bicycle.
07:19Go from Land's End to John O'Groats by bicycle.
07:22Huh.
07:23Same old problem.
07:24Who does your washing?
07:26LAUGHTER
07:28Close your eyes.
07:30Is that it?
07:31Closing my eyes?
07:31Is that going to be my hobby?
07:33Richard, I am about to place in your hands
07:36something which could change your life.
07:39My own key.
07:41LAUGHTER
07:43Don't be silly, Richard.
07:45Now, close your eyes, dear.
07:52LAUGHTER
07:53What is it?
07:54It's your retirement gift.
07:57There is your hobby.
07:59The video camera.
08:01They gave it to you when you left
08:03and you've never bothered with it.
08:05I suppose I was saving it
08:06until something interesting happened.
08:07Well, off you go, then, dear.
08:08And film something interesting.
08:10Be artistic.
08:11I'm artistic.
08:13Sheridan's artistic.
08:14Yeah, I'm not being that artistic.
08:16LAUGHTER
08:18Oh, that's probably somebody important.
08:22LAUGHTER
08:24The McKay residence,
08:26the lady of the house speaking.
08:29Sheridan!
08:31How uncanny of you to call Mummy
08:34just as we were talking of you, dear.
08:36What a deep psychic bond we have.
08:39It's almost frightening.
08:40If he wants money again, it's terrifying.
08:43LAUGHTER
08:45I'm so glad you'd telephone, Sheridan.
08:49I've been meaning to ask, dear.
08:51Are you still wearing your knee bandage?
08:53Ah!
08:55Oh, why should people laugh at you in a knee bandage?
08:58I've never laughed at you in a knee bandage.
09:00No, I've always thought you looked like Mummy's brave little soldier.
09:05LAUGHTER
09:05Well, perhaps not soldier, dear.
09:07More like Mummy's brave little poet or interior designer.
09:11LAUGHTER
09:13And now Daddy's becoming artistic, too, yes.
09:16After all these years.
09:19Yes, he's taken up filming.
09:21Mmm.
09:22That's very exciting.
09:24Gets him out of the house.
09:25LAUGHTER
09:26Yes, of course.
09:27Yes, I thought you'd be interested.
09:30LAUGHTER
09:31Yes.
09:32Of course, it all started when he was presented with a video camera
09:36for his retirement.
09:38Yes.
09:39Not quite the accolade he deserves, of course.
09:42LAUGHTER
09:43No, he's not doing it professionally yet, dear.
09:46I would say at the moment he's simply a gifted amateur.
09:50LAUGHTER
09:51Well, it could leave.
09:53LAUGHTER
09:54Yes.
09:55No, I see no harm in you telling your friends, dear,
09:58that Daddy is a filmmaker.
10:01LAUGHTER
10:01Well, it's...it's perfectly true.
10:05So, tell Daddy what, dear?
10:08Oh, yes, I can see that.
10:10Yes, if they think that Daddy is a filmmaker,
10:13then, of course, we shall probably have to increase your allowance.
10:17LAUGHTER
10:23Now, Richard, what I want you to do is film something brilliantly for a beginner
10:29and then come back and show it to us while Councillor Mrs Nugent's still here.
10:33I can't just go point to your camera at complete strangers.
10:37Well, of course you can.
10:39They'll be delighted.
10:40They'll think you're something from the BBC.
10:43LAUGHTER
10:43Oh, just a minute.
10:45Well, maybe this is how Alfred Hitchcock began.
10:49LAUGHTER
10:51Oh, is this really necessary?
10:54LAUGHTER
10:54Trust me.
10:57Now you look the part.
11:00Now, I want you to bring me back some little human cameo,
11:04something uplifting.
11:06Off you go, dear.
11:09LAUGHTER
11:10Nothing violent, of course, or distasteful.
11:13Remember, you're not Channel 4.
11:14They say I can't go poking a camera into other people's affairs.
11:20Then be a shadow, the phantom filmmaker.
11:24LAUGHTER
11:25Do it from a place of concealment.
11:29LAUGHTER
11:29See?
11:31Oh, it will be from a place of concealment.
11:34You can rely on that.
11:36LAUGHTER
11:47He said he'd ring.
11:48He swore he'd ring.
11:51Well, see if I care.
11:54LAUGHTER
11:56Have you noticed how some days you just get washed over
11:59by this sense of cosmic emptiness and lack of meaning?
12:03LAUGHTER
12:05Has he run out of beer again?
12:07LAUGHTER
12:09It's not the beer.
12:11I just can't settle me mind to anything.
12:13That's what they always say about you down the Social Security.
12:17LAUGHTER
12:18Why can't you settle your mind to anything?
12:21I keep thinking about poor old Richard.
12:24With your hyacinth, day and night.
12:27Well, they could get twin beds.
12:29I'd have had them from day one.
12:31LAUGHTER
12:32You think you're hard done by
12:34and then you hear about some other poor devil.
12:39It must make you realise
12:41just how fortunate you are.
12:43Let's just see if Richard's all right.
12:46Oh, come on, you can give me a lift.
12:50LAUGHTER
12:54LAUGHTER
12:55I wonder if people realise how expensive you were.
12:58LAUGHTER
12:59It sometimes worries me.
13:01I stand you there
13:03and still there are people
13:06who have no idea how expensive you were.
13:08LAUGHTER
13:09LAUGHTER
13:15LAUGHTER
13:22LAUGHTER
13:23LAUGHTER
13:31Oh, is that you, Elizabeth?
13:33It's open, dear. Come in.
13:39LAUGHTER
13:43LAUGHTER
13:46LAUGHTER
13:46Oh, I'm sorry. Am I early?
13:49No, dear, I wanted you to come
13:51before Mrs Councillor Nugent arrives.
13:53I wanted us to have time to prepare our plans.
13:57Plans?
13:58For getting me on the committee.
14:00LAUGHTER
14:05LAUGHTER
14:05Are you wearing that, dear?
14:07LAUGHTER
14:08What's wrong with it?
14:10Oh, nothing, dear.
14:11No, I'm sure it's...
14:12charming.
14:14LAUGHTER
14:15LAUGHTER
14:15I can change, if you like.
14:17Oh, no, no, I wouldn't dream of asking you to do that.
14:21No, I'm sure it looks perfect.
14:24LAUGHTER
14:25How long would it take you to change?
14:28LAUGHTER
14:29Two minutes.
14:31No, you're fine.
14:33LAUGHTER
14:33I'm getting used to it.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:36Oh, excuse me, I must answer that.
14:38It's probably something important.
14:40LAUGHTER
14:41The McKay residence, the lady of the house speaking.
14:44Oh, it's you, Violet.
14:47It's my sister, Violet.
14:49You remember Violet?
14:50The one with the Mercedes and the Jacuzzi.
14:53LAUGHTER
14:54And room for a pony.
14:56LAUGHTER
14:56Though not in the Jacuzzi, of course.
15:00LAUGHTER
15:00Violet, you sound excited, dear.
15:02How are you?
15:03Yes.
15:05Bruce is what?
15:07Taking up synchronised swimming.
15:10LAUGHTER
15:10That's very healthy.
15:12Mm, he wants to do what, dear?
15:15Borrow a floral bikini.
15:17LAUGHTER
15:19Oh, dear, you know perfectly well
15:20I have no such garment in my wardrobe.
15:22Look, look.
15:25LAUGHTER
15:25I... no, it's...
15:28LAUGHTER
15:28I... no, dear.
15:30I've never been able to get anything super dickens.
15:34LAUGHTER
15:34LAUGHTER
15:35LAUGHTER
15:37LAUGHTER
15:38One, two, no, won't you?
15:40One, two, no, won't you?
15:42It's an exercise, you know, for the hips.
15:45LAUGHTER
15:47APPLAUSE
15:52Close the door, dear, will you?
15:53There's a draught.
15:55LAUGHTER
15:56No, I will not go with him to a fitting.
16:01LAUGHTER
16:01..
16:30LAUGHTER
16:36Richard
16:41I thought it was you.
16:43I'm glad it still looks like me.
16:45I don't feel like me.
16:46Is it a bit hotter?
16:48Sweltering.
16:50What on earth are you doing?
16:53Filming.
16:54I since discovered a hobby for me.
16:56I can't go home without doing some filming.
16:58She wants to see the results.
16:59It's a nice camera.
17:00This is when I first sit at the right end.
17:02Why didn't you try the park, Richard?
17:05What for?
17:06Well, there are better places to hide in the park
17:08whilst you're filming.
17:09Oh, and I might just do that.
17:11I could do the ducks.
17:13Now, I've got a feeling that I could do ducks.
17:18I think the best place for you to sit is there.
17:22Whoops.
17:23Yes, that's right there.
17:26Only don't lean too close
17:27to my expensive piece of porcelain.
17:31You know, very few people realise
17:33how expensive that was.
17:35Perhaps you'd like to drop a hint
17:37to Mrs. Counselor Nugent
17:38while I'm out of the room.
17:39You're going out of the room?
17:41Of course.
17:42You're going to leave me alone
17:43with Mrs. Counselor Nugent?
17:44Well, only for a moment, dear,
17:46while I make the tea.
17:48I'll make the tea?
17:48No, no, no.
17:53No, what I want you to do
17:55is take the opportunity
17:56of inserting an idea
17:58into Mrs. Counselor Nugent's mind.
18:00I'll get it wrong.
18:01You won't get it wrong, dear.
18:03You can't.
18:04All you have to do
18:05is offer my services
18:07to her committee.
18:08Tell her that you think
18:09I could be persuaded to serve.
18:12Why don't you tell her?
18:13Oh, no, dear, I couldn't do that.
18:15Might look, er, pushy.
18:18There she is.
18:19Right on time.
18:21Doesn't breeding tell?
18:24I shall let her in
18:26while you practise your speech.
18:29Oh, and don't forget
18:30to mention my ornament.
18:31My very expensive ornament.
18:35Ah!
18:44Oh!
18:45Onslow, what a pleasant surprise.
18:47Oh, and the old car.
18:49Isn't it amazing
18:50how it keeps going
18:51and coming?
18:53And the rose there.
18:54Well, well, well.
18:55Well, Onslow,
18:56is there anything I can do for you?
18:58Lend you a pullover, for example?
19:01I can't do with being bundled up
19:03with too many clothes.
19:04You don't seem to be
19:05in any immediate danger.
19:08I just wanted to work with Richard.
19:10Richard, oh, no, you're too late.
19:11No, you're too late.
19:12He's gone.
19:13Oh, he's gone enough
19:15to make a film.
19:16A film?
19:17Mm-hmm.
19:17You may well look surprised.
19:19Richard's become very artistic.
19:20He's all right, then?
19:21All right.
19:22I mean, he's bearing up
19:23in a reasonable mental frame of mind.
19:25He's fine.
19:26Why shouldn't he be?
19:27Oh, no reason.
19:28I would invite you to stop,
19:30only I'm expecting
19:31a very important person
19:33upon the hour.
19:35I'll pop in again sometime
19:36when Richard's in.
19:37Oh, good.
19:38Actually, he's hardly ever in.
19:40Goodbye.
19:42I can understand that.
19:46Oh, Mrs. Nugent not coming in?
19:48Of course she's coming in.
19:51Oh, that wasn't her.
19:53That was just somebody at the door
19:55who I'm glad to say
19:57has gone on his way
19:58before he clashes with my guest.
20:07Oh, no.
20:17Ansler, move this car.
20:19I'm trying to move the car.
20:22Rose, how nice to see you.
20:24Get back in the car.
20:24What's the point of getting back in the car?
20:26I can think of several reasons.
20:30There's a shove.
20:32Maybe if you give us a shove.
20:34You do the shoving, Onslow.
20:36I'll supervise.
20:43So I can do it
20:44when there's no one here.
20:46When Hyacinth's not watching,
20:48I can handle Royal Dalton
20:50as well as the next person.
20:51It's perfectly simple.
20:52You just take hold of it firmly but gently.
20:55You raise it carefully.
21:00See, it doesn't even wobble.
21:03So why can't I do it
21:04when Hyacinth's here?
21:05Elizabeth!
21:06Oh!
21:19Just leave it and get out, dear.
21:21Get out.
21:25And look here.
21:26Look here.
21:28Pull yourself together, dear.
21:29And come and help me shift this car.
21:36I've never seen you found some help.
21:39Who's that pushing the car with Rose?
21:42You see?
21:43It's...
21:44Councillor Mrs. Nugent.
21:47Oh!
21:49Oh!
21:55Councillor Mrs. Nugent!
21:57How kind of are you to volunteer?
21:59Volunteer?
22:00How dare one not?
22:02When someone his size says,
22:03give us a push,
22:04you give him a push.
22:06Have you seen the driver?
22:08Obviously some kind of thug.
22:12She's obviously his mole.
22:16Damn funny people to have round your place,
22:18Mrs. Bucket.
22:20We are all here to help each other,
22:23I always think.
22:28Especially those suitable to serve on your committee.
22:31Very odd people.
22:34Well, of course,
22:35they're not really like this.
22:37They're in a film.
22:39A film?
22:40A film?
22:43Yes, my husband's film.
22:46Your husband makes films?
22:48I never knew that.
22:50Oh, yes.
22:52He's out now,
22:54scouting.
22:54For locations.
22:56How jolly interesting.
22:58I must say,
22:59someone's made these people up tremendously well.
23:03Extraordinary realism.
23:07I swear he'd look like that all his life.
23:13They've got your type dead, right?
23:16Do you mind?
23:17Who do you think you're...
23:18Push the car, Rose.
23:19Time for another rehearsal, Rose.
23:21Push the car.
23:23Rather fun, really.
23:26What part are you playing?
23:30Elizabeth hasn't changed yet.
23:33Her costume's inside.
23:34What about yours, Mrs. Bucket?
23:36Oh, and my costume's inside, too.
23:40Wouldn't have a small part for a busy councillor, would you?
23:44Wouldn't have a place on your committee
23:46for an enthusiastic, loyal, highly regarded lady, well-versed...
23:50I should think something could be pitched.
23:54Let's go inside and discuss our roles.
24:02Well, she's right about one thing.
24:04You have dressed like that all your life.
24:09The job's worth doing.
24:10It's worth doing right.
24:28I wasn't lurking in there.
24:30I was filming.
24:32If you say so, sir.
24:33I do say so.
24:34I've got the camera here.
24:36Well, you would have, wouldn't you, sir,
24:37if that was going to be your alibi?
24:38It's not an alibi.
24:40We'll see about that, sir.
24:41If you've anyone who can vouch for your behaviour.
24:44Oh, everyone can vouch for my behaviour.
24:48This is a very respectable area.
24:50My wife will vouch for my behaviour
24:51if there's no-one more respectable than my wife, I can assure you.
24:54Right.
24:55Stop here.
25:01All right.
25:02Out you get, sir.
25:06Now, this is where I live.
25:07Come on in.
25:08We'll clear all this up.
25:11Excuse me.
25:14This is where you live, sir.
25:16That's right.
25:17And you don't have a key.
25:19Sometimes I do have a key.
25:22You need to be suspicious.
25:23You see what I mean about being respectable
25:25as soon as my wife appears.
25:29Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.
25:33Well, we're ready when you are.
25:39Will these two boys be joining you?
25:54Hello, welcome to England.
25:57Hello, welcome to England.
26:09It's much more than fish and chips.
26:11We've got chicks with the tits and the big filled lips.
26:13Ballyed up kids and the RS6.
26:15Big two fiddies, four fiddies with a kick.
26:16Guys with more grips, little creep in your crib.
26:18I smell bacon, I smell pigs.
26:20Take the cash down, get into the whip.
26:22Leeds road racing, I'm feeling like Hamilton.
26:23Weegros amazing, Cropsey, I'm grabbing them.
26:25Don't give a fuck in the truck, can I'm ramming them?
26:27Fuck the West Yorkshire police, yeah, they're stunning.