- 8 hours ago
Hyacinth surprises Richard with a pair of skis for a birthday present, a gift that he's not particularly thrilled about, but that ends up being only the start of a series of problems.
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00:50I wish you'd smile more when you're gardening, Richard.
01:00If I do that, they're going to lock me away.
01:03Try to look as though you're enjoying it, dear.
01:06But I don't particularly enjoy it. It's just something that has to be done.
01:11Well, that's how it appears.
01:13The garden looks well enough.
01:16Oh, it's not the garden, dear. It's you.
01:21You look as though you're not enjoying doing it.
01:24Which gives the impression that we can't afford a gardener.
01:29We can't afford a gardener.
01:44But in the future, could you look like someone who enjoys doing his own gardening
01:50but could afford a gardener if he wanted to?
01:55Oh, I don't believe that's the Carradines.
02:04It was. It was the Carradines.
02:08She used to be Baxter's Biscuits, you remember?
02:11I remember.
02:14Oh!
02:16Oh!
02:18Unmannerly oaf.
02:20Sheridan would be furious if he knew that strangers were honking at his mummy.
02:28Do you think there's life after death?
02:32I hope so.
02:34There's not that much before.
02:43I'm just getting me second wind.
02:47And all this loving your neighbour stuff.
02:50I mean, just look at the sort of neighbours we've got.
02:54I mean, anybody who lives next door to us
02:56is hardly the kind of neighbour that you can go about loving.
03:00I wouldn't mind if I lived with our hyacinth.
03:04Her neighbour's terrific.
03:06Emmett.
03:07Does she?
03:08If anybody's loved their neighbours, you have.
03:12I bet nobody's cast a wider net.
03:15What's brought all this on our rose?
03:18I met this born-again Christian.
03:21Where?
03:22In the pub.
03:26Must have been his night off.
03:34What are you doing?
03:36I'm just emptying the pedal bin, dear.
03:40Oh, I've done that.
03:43Oh, yes, so you have.
03:44Silly me.
03:46Anyway, I'm just coming.
03:54What are you doing now?
04:03Are you in a draft, dear?
04:05No, but what are you doing?
04:07When you're retired, you have to be particularly careful about being in drafts.
04:18I'm just checking the letterbox to make sure we haven't received any more leaflets about cheap double glazing.
04:47No, there aren't any leaflets.
04:51I'm so excited.
04:55I'm so excited.
04:56I'm as excited as if it were my birthday tomorrow.
04:59Are you looking forward to your present?
05:01Are you excited, dear?
05:03You don't look it.
05:04I will not have you not excited, Richard.
05:10Well, I usually get slippers.
05:13I mean, nobody likes slippers more than I do, but they're not an item about which you get really excited.
05:21So, if you don't mind, I'll wait until tomorrow to get excited.
05:26As you please.
05:29Oh, it's very late.
05:30Is that an emergency?
05:33The Bacay residence, the lady of the house speaking.
05:37Look, if this is an emergency, please say it's not Sheridan.
05:42Oh, it's you, Rose.
05:44Yes.
05:45Do I believe in what, dear?
05:48Well, of course I believe there's life after death.
05:52Richard and I will be an entity for eternity.
06:02Where are you on life after death?
06:10I'm an optimistic don't know.
06:15If there is an afterlife, do you think we'll be slimmer?
06:22I expect so.
06:24I don't suppose they'll do as many chips.
06:28Maybe they'll let us send out for some chips.
06:31I could just fancy some chips.
06:35Our Iosynth doesn't think it's a good idea that I talk to the vicar.
06:38I bet the vicar's wife doesn't think it's a good idea, neither.
06:42You only want to talk to him because he's a dishy vicar.
06:46Listen, if I'm going to go religious, I might as well go first class.
06:51Here, Rose.
06:52Are you feeling Christian enough to do us all a few chips?
06:55Bog off, on slow.
06:58Oh, nice.
07:00Born again bone idle.
07:06Now, Richard, just stand there, dear, and keep your eyes tightly closed.
07:12We don't usually have all this fuss.
07:14Normally, you just give me the slippers.
07:17Now, you keep them closed.
07:19I'll be with you in a minute.
07:22Keep them closed.
07:25You can open them now.
07:35Happy birthday, Richard.
07:37Well, what is it?
07:39Oh, it's a drain pipe.
07:42You bought me a drain pipe.
07:45Well, go on, open it.
07:47Open it.
07:48Oh, come on.
07:50We ought to wish Richard a happy birthday.
07:53I do wish Richard a happy birthday, Liz.
07:56If anyone ever needed a happy birthday, it is Richard.
08:00Well, then, come on.
08:02Come on.
08:07Emmett, you can't stay hiding indoors forever.
08:11Do you know you're getting prison pallor?
08:18I'll catch him when he's alone.
08:21Where is Richard ever alone?
08:23Precisely, Liz.
08:26Maybe I could sneak him off for a quiet drink somewhere.
08:29Give the poor devil a break.
08:30Oh, I'm sure he'd enjoy that.
08:33The trick is trying to get him free from the clutches of the creature from the Black Lagoon.
08:42Frankenstein created a monster.
08:45And it sings.
08:48Look, take the bull by the horns.
08:50Just say to Hyacinth, I'm going to take Richard out for a birthday drink.
08:54You want me to take her by the horns?
08:58What kind of advice is that?
09:13Skis?
09:15All the best people have them.
09:18What am I going to do with skis?
09:21Well, I thought they'd look well on the car, dear.
09:28You can take them for a drive occasionally.
09:35The Carradines.
09:36They have skis on their car.
09:39Oh, did they?
09:40What a coincidence.
09:42The wrong age for skis.
09:44Skis.
09:45Nonsense.
09:46You're never too old to put skis on your car.
09:49It seems a bit hard buying skis not to ski.
09:53Oh, Richard.
09:54You don't imagine everyone who has skis on his car actually skis.
09:58Good heavens, no.
10:02I mean, you don't expect everyone with a feather in his hat to be a partridge.
10:09How am I going to get them on the car?
10:12It means I'll have to buy one of those rack things.
10:15No, no, no.
10:17We can borrow Violet's and Bruce's.
10:19They used to ski.
10:21Then why didn't you borrow Violet and Bruce's skis?
10:25Richard, I will not have you going about with shabby, substandard borrowed skis.
10:31No, you can take your new skis to Violet's and then we'll borrow their rack.
10:38No, I can leave the skis here and just go and get the rack.
10:41But then the people in Bruce's area won't see you with your new skis.
10:46It won't be a second-hand rack.
10:48Oh!
10:49Oh, please leave the planning to me, Richard.
10:53Oh, that'll be someone important.
10:59The Bacay residence, the lady of the house speaking.
11:03Oh, hello, Rose.
11:04Yes.
11:05Well, why do you want the vicar's telephone number, dear?
11:08Hmm?
11:10What sort of questions?
11:12Oh, I don't think you can ask the vicar a question like that, Rose.
11:16No.
11:17Well, yes, I'm sure that he'd see you privately if you insist.
11:22You'd have to go to the vicarage.
11:25Hmm?
11:26What makes you think the vicarage will be unfriendly, dear?
11:30Oh, yes, of course, I suppose his wife will be there.
11:33What sort of a personal chat is it you want with this vicar?
11:38Look at Rose.
11:39If you need somewhere private, bring him here.
11:43Then I can keep an eye on you and Richard can show him his skis.
12:02Happy birthday, Richard.
12:04Thank you, Emmett.
12:06Are you going skiing?
12:08You're going to her sister Violet, actually.
12:12Didn't know they lived that far north.
12:19Hello, Emmett.
12:22How are you?
12:23I was feeling quite well, thank you, Hyacinth.
12:26We're just off to my sister Violet's.
12:28You know, the one with the Mercedes, the sauna and room for a pony.
12:35Richard, please be more careful.
12:37I think that's the highest note you've reached in quite a while.
12:43Mind what you're doing with those skis.
12:46There's more ski than car.
12:48Oh, they'll be fine once we've borrowed Bruce's rack.
12:55What do you wear for a vicar?
12:59Whatever it is, you won't have that kind of stuff.
13:05How about a dishy vicar?
13:08Behave yourself, Rose.
13:10You're supposed to be interested in life after death, not before.
13:14Did you shuffle these cards?
13:16I'm a good shuffler.
13:18That's in bed.
13:21How would you know?
13:22You're never awake.
13:25That's what I miss.
13:26A little companionship in my lonely bed.
13:29No wonder yours is a lonely bed.
13:30You're always in somebody else's.
13:35Well, it's just a desperate search for happiness.
13:39Why do you give me cards like this?
13:42It's such a relief to see you're getting worked up about something.
13:46Just play the cards.
13:48Oh, I love it when he orders me to do things.
13:52Yeah!
14:06I'll never be able to drive.
14:09Oh, do stop making difficulties, Richard.
14:12We make difficulties.
14:14You're never going to get the hang of skis if you don't practice with them.
14:19Oh, Richard!
14:21Just leave on my hat!
14:23It's difficult to not make room for your hats, never mind skis.
14:27Oh, I want you to start being at ease with skis, Richard.
14:34I wish you'd bought me slippers.
14:36I'm at ease with slippers.
14:38I really thought you'd take to all this much quicker, Richard.
14:42You're quite good with snowballs and Christmassy things.
14:46There's more to this than just enjoying a mince pie.
14:56When we get to Violet's, don't park the car next to the Mercedes, Richard.
15:01I always think our car looks better not parked next to a Mercedes.
15:08Oh, look!
15:09Isn't that the two Miss Pillsworths?
15:12Yes, it is!
15:13Stop the car, Richard!
15:17We'll give them a lift.
15:19I suppose they don't want a lift.
15:21You remember their father.
15:23There's not room for him as well.
15:26No, their father was Colonel Pillsworth.
15:29A very old family.
15:50I'm trying to persuade them to come to one of my candlelight suppers.
15:54But apparently the elder Miss Pillsworth is allergic to naked flame.
15:58Oh, you're.
15:59I promised you'd extinguish her straight away.
16:04Oh, Lord.
16:05It's a candlelight, Queen.
16:07They must be drawing us together.
16:09Do let us give you a lift.
16:12What does she say?
16:13She wants to give us a lift.
16:16Are you sure there'll be room?
16:18You must make room, Richard.
16:21Why should we give her a lift?
16:25Pay attention.
16:27I will not stand to attention.
16:31Who is she thinks she is?
16:33Come along, ladies.
16:35Oh, excuse me.
16:36Would you like to come round the other side?
16:38I think you know Richard.
16:40How are you, Richard?
16:42How long have you driven for this woman?
16:44Don't know how you can stand it.
16:53Are you expecting snow?
16:58Richard seldom goes far without his skis.
17:02He likes to be ready for the first flicks.
17:04I'm just a beginner.
17:07Can't get any thinner.
17:10There we are.
17:27The train is too much for my suspender.
17:34Oh, perhaps some other time, Mrs. Bucket.
17:38It's bouquet.
17:40It's not okay, buddy.
17:44Crearsan, I don't think this is going to work.
17:48Where there's a will, Richard.
17:55Excuse me.
18:00You must let me call with the recipe
18:03and a jar of my delicious gentleman's relish.
18:06I have an extensive repertoire of titbits
18:10for the executive palate.
18:12Like a rhinestone cowboy
18:14making out on a horse
18:17at the Star Spangled Rodeo
18:20like a rhinestone cowboy
18:22You're in a good mood.
18:24Why not?
18:26It's been almost like a holiday.
18:28A little holiday.
18:29An entire week without a bucket.
18:32A bucket?
18:33The dreaded bucket.
18:35Oh, that one.
18:37Yes, oh, that one.
18:39It's too good to last, of course,
18:41but it's been refreshing.
18:44It is more than I can savour this tea.
18:46I know, isn't it awful?
18:47Why do we buy it?
18:48We don't.
18:49The ladies' circle gets it for us at a discount.
18:53Oh, isn't that marvellous?
18:54To realise that in the eyes of my flock
18:56I'm associated with the utmost in economy.
18:58I think they only keep a vicar
19:00cos we're cheaper than most domestic animals.
19:02They like you.
19:03Not judging by this tea, they don't.
19:14We'll just pop in for a minute to my sister Violet's.
19:18Violet's?
19:18I suspect it as much.
19:21And then we'll take you to where you were going.
19:24Oh, we would have been there by now.
19:26You'll like my sister Violet,
19:28and he's very well known in racing circles.
19:32Violet once had tea with the wife of the postmaster general.
19:36Well, she still has the plastic spoon.
19:53You shitty queen!
19:57Reverse Richard.
19:59Back out now, Richard.
20:01Wasn't that your violet pouring...
20:04Take the drawers, Pillsworths, and show them the beauties of the area.
20:09It's a very, very nice residential area.
20:21Do enjoy the trip, Miss Pillsworths,
20:24and do take note of the gay colours of the more upmarket security systems.
20:29That person was pouring water.
20:32Yes, and did you notice the lovely glass?
20:35My sister has the most superior glassware.
20:38This one.
20:38Some of it most tastefully engraved with a list of injured jockeys.
20:44Come on, Richard.
20:46Now.
20:48And leave them at a bus stop, dear.
20:52Are we being kidnapped?
20:55Will she want a ransom?
20:57Can we afford a ransom?
21:03Why can't she walk to the vicarage?
21:05Oh, for goodness sake, you can give the woman a lift.
21:08We were going that way anyway.
21:11Who was?
21:12I was.
21:14To the library.
21:16I'm just a plaything in the hands of you females.
21:20Can I have that in writing?
21:25I'm not a toy daze.
21:27You've got to stop thinking of me as just a sexual object.
21:31I'm not just here for your amusement.
21:34Oh, come on.
21:36You're here partially for my amusement.
21:39You can't find everything in the library.
21:44We need a new car.
21:46You should spend more time with me.
21:48My engine's still running.
21:59You want skiing things when my heart is broken?
22:02Take it!
22:04Please don't exaggerate, Violet.
22:07Your heart is not broken.
22:11Hearts are seldom broken in good residential areas.
22:16Bruce's ski-wreck.
22:18Hey, key!
22:23That's very kind of you, dear.
22:24We'll take good care of it.
22:26How can you think of skiing when my life's in tatters?
22:31Not tatters, Violet.
22:34Not in an area with a postal code of this caliber.
22:37I'm leaving him!
22:39I'm leaving him!
22:41I'm leaving Bruce!
22:42Get the rack on, Richard.
22:51You cannot idly abandon marriage, Violet.
23:11You cannot walk out on anything as solid and sober and respectable as your own Mercedes.
23:26I want to talk to someone, dear.
23:36I want to talk to a vicar.
23:38Well, I can arrange that, dear.
23:40Yes, I'm sure you can save your marriage, Violet.
23:45Perhaps if you dressed a little more like a jockey.
23:51Now, drive quickly, Richard.
23:53We must get Violet to the vicar before she does something uneconomic.
23:58Stop!
24:03Now, look what you've done.
24:06You told me to stop.
24:08I didn't tell you to throw your birthday present under a passing car.
24:13Why did you say stop?
24:15You've forgotten Violet.
24:19But she was in the back.
24:21I mean, she was in the back.
24:25You gather up your skis, dear, and I'll go and locate Violet.
24:41You don't need those yet.
24:53How come we're doing all this and you're sitting there?
24:59Listen, that's what marriage is about.
25:02Doing things together.
25:04I think it's your starter motor.
25:07That's always been my impression.
25:11You've got to learn to do these things.
25:14What are you going to do when I'm not here?
25:16The same as we've done when you've been here.
25:19Do it ourselves.
25:26Look at me.
25:28I'm as helpless as a kitten.
25:31I think you're about to have a visitor.
25:33It's what I'm here for.
25:34I'm glad you feel like that.
25:36It's a nuisance, of course, but first things first.
25:39Must have one's priorities.
25:40Duty calls.
25:42You know, my job is not without its satisfactions.
25:47People come in dismay and despair.
25:50And sometimes you can help.
25:51This one really needs help.
25:53Well, I'll certainly do my best.
25:54It's a bucket woman.
25:57Tell her I've gone away.
25:58To China.
25:59What part of China?
26:01What the devil?
26:02Does it matter what part of China?
26:03It'll matter to her.
26:05She'll only be impressed if it's a smart part.
26:08Oh, come on, Michael.
26:10OK, I'll come and see her.
26:13Here's a brief chap.
26:15Good luck.
26:18I've changed my mind.
26:20I don't want to see the vicar.
26:23It won't help.
26:25Now, come along, Violet.
26:26Pull yourself together.
26:28I don't want to look like a jockey for him.
26:32The next thing you know, he'll have me jumping over fences.
26:37I want to divorce him.
26:40You are not going to divorce him.
26:43Oh, look.
26:44There's a squirrel.
26:49Morning, vicar.
26:51Good morning.
26:52Oh, hello, vicar.
26:54I don't think you've met my sister, Violet.
26:56She's the one with the Mercedes sauna and room for a pony.
27:13Wasn't that our Violet?
27:16Yes.
27:23Wasn't that our Hazen?
27:25Wasn't that...
27:26Yes!
27:27Don't you sometimes wonder at the activities of the posher classes?
27:50That woman's relentless.
27:53She's still chasing people to offer them lifts.
28:09Richard, follow that sister.
28:12She's still chasing people to offer them.
28:15Thank you so much.
28:37Thank you,ando.
29:10Hello, welcome to England.
29:26It's much more than fish and chips, we've got chicks with a tits and a big filled lips.
29:29Ballied up kids and a RS6, big two fiddies, four fiddies with a kick, guys move more grips,
29:33little creep in your crib.
29:34I smell bacon, I smell pigs, till the cash down get into the whip.
29:38Leeds road racing, I'm feeling like Hamilton.
29:40Weego's amazing, cops yeah I'm grabbing them.
29:41Don't give a fuck in the truck and I'm ramming them.
29:43Follow West Yorkshire, police here is running.