- 8 hours ago
Hyacinth wants a new car and, much to Richard's disgust, test drives a Rolls-Royce in her efforts to take Lydia Hawksworth down a peg.
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00:25Thank you for listening.
00:30Thank you for listening.
01:03Thank you for listening.
01:30Come along, Richard. Be honest.
01:32I hated it.
01:34I'm glad we're of the same opinion.
01:37I know when to hit something or not.
01:40The woman has no taste.
01:42And as for the judges, where do they find these judges?
01:45Must be the same idiots that keep letting people off serious crime.
01:53Lydia Hawksworth.
01:55She was quite objectionable at one of my candlelight suppers.
01:58I can't remember.
02:00Well, you should remember, Richard.
02:02You were there.
02:03She had the impudence to say in a loud voice,
02:06I think kiwifruit are so lower middle class, don't you?
02:11Oh, that one.
02:13Yes, that one.
02:15And all she could talk about the whole evening was their holiday in Corfu.
02:20I remember now, and in self-defence,
02:22you gave her the impression that we'd been to South Africa.
02:27Well, we'd been abroad.
02:30We'd been to Jersey.
02:33Well, I will not have that woman putting my nose out of joint.
02:41Look, there she is now, driving like a lunatic.
02:45In a new car.
02:47Was it a new car?
02:48According to the registration, it is.
02:51Typical.
02:57Was that the front door?
02:59Probably.
03:02Sounded like somebody going out.
03:04Probably.
03:05Can't have been our Rose.
03:07Our Rose would have said if she was going out.
03:11You don't think it's Father going out at this hour?
03:14Probably.
03:17An old man shouldn't be wandering out at this hour.
03:21You're just going to sit there?
03:23Probably.
03:29Now, come on back in, Daddy.
03:32Come on.
03:35Up you go.
03:36Back up to bed.
03:37I'll bring him some cocoa.
03:40We'll go out tomorrow.
03:43He wanted to go out somewhere.
03:45I told him we'd take him tomorrow.
03:47And if you say probably once more, I'll hit you with my library book.
03:52Can you make that too, Cocos?
03:56Probably.
03:58I've been so humiliated.
04:01When?
04:02Today.
04:04Second prize for my freestyle floral table centerpiece, beaten by Lydia Hawksworth, and then to be overtaken by her in
04:15her new car.
04:21Hi, Synth, we don't need a new car.
04:26The one we have runs very well.
04:29Not all that many miles on the clock.
04:31It's just decently run in, really.
04:33Richard, what are you talking about, dear?
04:35Who said anything about a new car?
04:38Goodness me.
04:49I must say, Richard, you keep that vehicle immaculate.
04:54Louder, please, Liz.
04:56Looks like a new car.
04:57I wish you'd keep repeating that again and again.
05:02Why is that, Richard?
05:05I rather suspect Hyacinth has fixed her sights on something new.
05:10Oh, dear.
05:12Still, she can't deny how smart that one still looks.
05:20Richard, why are you polishing this old thing?
05:23Good morning, Elizabeth.
05:25Good morning.
05:28Oh, dear.
05:32You better get a move on.
05:34Father's ready.
05:35Ready for what?
05:37For going out.
05:38Well, you said last night you'd take him out.
05:41Oh.
05:42We didn't mean at the crack of dawn.
05:45Oh, come on.
05:46It's time you were up anyway.
05:48And he's sitting there in his best suit.
05:50And why's Onslow reading the Financial Times?
05:54I like to keep an eye on the economy.
05:57A bloke in my position has to wonder how long the country can afford him.
06:03If we don't get the economy right, people like me are going to be in trouble.
06:08It's the duty of all of us to be concerned about the shrinking pound.
06:16And when I married him, I thought he was just a sex symbol.
06:25Turn right here, dear.
06:28For someone who doesn't know where we're going, you seem to know just where we're going.
06:39You're going to have to iron this shit, Daze.
06:41Can't you find another?
06:43I can, but you're going to have to wash and iron that one.
06:48No contest, but you'll have to wait till I've ironed this blouse.
06:56Oh, good.
06:56You got the iron out.
06:58Could you iron my frock, please, Daze?
07:00I've got to do his shirt first.
07:02But will I take him farther out?
07:03What's he want his shirt ironing for?
07:05Because it was on the floor in the wardrobe.
07:09So was I last Christmas.
07:11Yes, it was that Mr Blenkinsop.
07:14But, you know, I've never known anybody get so wound up on British sherry.
07:19Where does Father want to go, anyway?
07:21I don't know.
07:22He hasn't said.
07:23Well, go and ask him.
07:25We ought to know what we're all being ironed for.
07:31How long did she have a Mr Blenkinsop in the wardrobe?
07:35I don't know.
07:36I don't go prying into what she's got in her wardrobe.
07:39You would if her stuff fitted you.
07:42I know.
07:43She's got some lovely things.
07:47Well, where does he want to go?
07:49Africa.
07:51We're only going out for a couple of hours.
07:54Well, I told him that, but he still wants Africa.
07:57Well, when we get there, tell him it's Africa.
07:59He won't know the difference.
08:18Hiacinth, what are we doing here?
08:22Well, I asked you to pull in for a moment because I felt faint.
08:27Now that we are here looking at these prices, I feel faint.
08:32Please don't worry about me, dear.
08:34I'm starting to feel better already.
08:36A few minutes out of the car and I'll be fine.
08:41I thought there was something behind this sudden urge to go for a drive.
08:47I don't know what you mean.
08:49You knew where we were going all the time.
08:53Nonsense.
08:54I merely thought we might as well pop in and have a look while we were passing.
09:01And you made sure we were passing.
09:05It looks a very respectable garage.
09:09It looks a very expensive garage.
09:14Hyacinth, I don't want you to get carried away.
09:19Oh, look at that beautiful machine.
09:23You see what I mean?
09:25Hyacinth, if we're thinking about a new car, we should be looking at small, economical family salutes.
09:34Preferably with one previous owner.
09:37You're quite wrong, Richard.
09:39What this family needs is something bigger.
09:43How much bigger?
09:46Well...
09:47Bigger than Lydia Hawksworth's.
09:53Where's your father got to now?
09:55He's coming, he's coming.
09:57I thought you said he was ready, R Rose.
09:58He was ready.
09:59He was ready before you got up.
10:01Well, where is he then?
10:06Don't be so impetuous.
10:09Well, not till later, anyway.
10:13I'll go and get him.
10:23No wonder this shirt was on the floor.
10:25The only place it fits is on the floor.
10:30Where is he?
10:31He's coming, he's coming.
10:39Tell him it's African, he won't know the difference.
10:42I think he looks very smart for his age.
10:45Just as long as he's careful with that hat.
10:47It was once full of lonely Australian.
10:56Hyacinth, would you come away from that car?
10:58It's not in our league.
10:59Oh, Richard!
11:04You should feel the paintwork.
11:08The Hyacinth, we're going.
11:12I'm only looking.
11:14Well, I don't like it.
11:18How can you not like it?
11:21I don't mean the car.
11:23I mean the looking.
11:27Oh, you will, that upholstery.
11:32Hyacinth, will you come away from there before somebody sees us?
11:35I'm doing no harm.
11:36I'm just admiring the quality.
11:38Well, I hope when somebody comes that you'll tell them that.
11:41I will.
11:43Well, I'll tell them just that.
11:47I mean it.
11:48The minute somebody comes, you just tell them we're not seriously interested.
11:52You're just admiring the quality.
11:54Oh, I will, dear.
11:54I will, I will, I will.
11:55Because we're not seriously interested.
11:57Of course we're not seriously interested.
11:59How could we possibly be seriously interested?
12:02Exactly.
12:03So you just tell them that.
12:05I'm not a fool, Richard.
12:14Good morning, madam.
12:16Are you interested in this beautiful machine?
12:18Yes, I am, actually.
12:23Will you keep your father still in the back?
12:26What's he jumping about for?
12:28He's excited.
12:30What's to get excited about?
12:32Of course he's excited.
12:34It's the first time he's been to Africa.
12:40Not that Rolls-Royce owners spend much time under the bonnet,
12:43but you must admit, it's worth a look.
12:48Oh, Richard, look at it properly, dear.
12:52I am looking at it properly, as properly as I dare.
12:56It's a beautiful interior.
13:00Oh, and a little light above the vanity mirror.
13:05Have you any particular questions about this model?
13:09No, thank you.
13:10I think that I've seen all I need to see.
13:14Of course, the ultimate Rolls experience is in the driving.
13:17You have to sample the sheer sumptuousness of the ride.
13:20Oh, I think my husband would like to experience the sheer sumptuousness of the ride.
13:26Right.
13:26I'll get the keys and we'll take her for a drive.
13:28No.
13:29Yes, that would be ideal.
13:32Right.
13:33I'll have the car moved outside.
13:41Tell him he hasn't seen one.
13:43Tell him he can't have seen one.
13:45Oh, let him think he's seen one if he wants.
13:48He wants to get out for a closer look.
13:54Go with him, Onslow.
13:56Take him for a closer look.
13:58At what?
14:00There's nothing there.
14:02Father said there was.
14:03He saw it distinctly.
14:12Mind how you go?
14:14When we get home, if you tell anybody that I was in the woods with your father looking for an
14:19elephant.
14:21Oh, come on.
14:22Cue him.
14:24I'm coming.
14:25I'm coming.
14:30Oh, Richard.
14:32I'm so looking forward to our sumptuous ride.
14:35Do you realise that if I scratch it...
14:37Why should you scratch it, dear?
14:38I will not allow you to scratch it.
14:41And if something happens and it gets scratched and needs a re-spray, we'll have to re-mortgage the house.
14:48Oh, Richard.
14:49You will not scratch our Rolls-Royce.
14:54I didn't hear that.
14:55I didn't hear that properly.
14:57You didn't call this car our Rolls-Royce.
15:00Well, for a while this morning, it is.
15:05Oh, come on.
15:09Right, shall we go?
15:10Tell the phone, Mr. Hunt.
15:12Oh, thank you.
15:14I'm sorry.
15:14I think this may be an important call that I'm expecting.
15:17I won't be a moment and then we can take her for a drive.
15:19Yes.
15:21Oh, in the meantime, sit down and get the feel of her.
15:27Come on, Richard.
15:29Do you heard what he said?
15:31Get in, dear.
15:33Yeah.
15:39Oh, what a lovely seatbelt.
15:44Feel the quality of that, Richard.
15:47Very nice.
15:50Oh, come on, dear.
15:53Put yours on.
15:54We're not going anywhere.
15:56We will be when he comes back.
16:04Whilst we're waiting, start the engine.
16:07I want to be able not to hear the engine.
16:27Just drive her a little way forward.
16:33Do you think we should?
16:34He said to get the feel of her.
16:38I'm not used to this gearbox.
16:40Oh, Richard.
16:42No wonder you never finish the Times crossword.
16:53See, that wasn't difficult, was it?
17:03This time, try going forward.
17:13Just a little faster, Richard.
17:22Well, you may as well keep going now.
17:25But we're supposed to wait for him.
17:28Oh, I was getting tired of waiting for him.
17:30Drive on, Richard.
17:32No, I'm going to reverse.
17:36I don't think he can.
17:38It's a one-way street.
17:46You'll have to go round the block.
18:03Mind the pedestrian.
18:06You shouldn't knock them down, Richard.
18:07Even in a rose.
18:11Richard, surely it goes quicker than this.
18:16Not with me driving, it doesn't.
18:21We're being overtaken by everything.
18:24What does it matter if we're being passed by a few other vehicles?
18:34Where's the next left?
18:36It's coming up.
18:38It's coming up.
18:40Oh, dear.
18:41It's a no-entry.
18:42Look, just keep going for the moment.
18:45And we may find ourselves somewhere with rather less traffic.
18:50There's no traffic here.
18:52Now you can let a rip.
18:59Richard, I don't call this a rip, dear.
19:01It's not even half a rip.
19:03Just enjoy the scenery.
19:07Take the first right, dear.
19:08But where are we going?
19:11Oh, nowhere in particular.
19:14And then the second left.
19:20Pull into the hotel.
19:25We've got to get this car back to the showroom.
19:28I'm sure we've time for a coffee, Richard.
19:31But they could think we've stolen it.
19:34Nonsense.
19:35You can't buy a Rolls-Royce in five minutes.
19:38We're not buying a Rolls-Royce.
19:41They don't know that, dear.
19:42Keep going.
19:50Park it somewhere where they can see us from the windows.
20:01You knew about this hotel all the time, didn't you?
20:06I've heard it mentioned on the odd occasion.
20:17You were determined to come to this hotel.
20:22Why exactly?
20:25Because this is where Lydia Hawksworth often comes for coffee.
20:29And I hope she is goggling out of one of those windows at this very moment.
20:37I'll teach her to call my kiwi fruit lower-middle class.
20:53What a clever idea, Richard.
20:56That's caught people's attention.
21:00Dear, I can't stop it.
21:03Well, that's good, dear.
21:16I do so hate it when it does that.
21:19It draws attention to the fact that one drives a Rolls-Royce.
21:37Do sit down, Richard.
21:39I'm keeping an eye on the car.
21:43He's so protective of our Rolls.
21:50I think you'd better come and have a look at this.
21:54There he goes again.
21:56He does so enjoy my looking at it.
22:09Do you think they're coming in?
22:10Well, I assume that's why they're here.
22:17We're just popping out to pick up a brochure.
22:22Come and have a coffee.
22:24I don't know.
22:25Maybe there will be elephants.
22:29If there are, I bet they're expensive elephants.
22:32I bet they've got a lovely lady's powder room.
22:39Now, don't you two go swanning off in there,
22:41leaving me with your father.
22:44There'll not be any trouble.
22:47Just stand him at the window and let him look for elephants.
22:50In my flaming look, he'll see one.
22:53And then what happens?
22:56Good morning, good morning.
23:00Good morning.
23:02Good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning,
23:13good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning,
23:13good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning,
23:13good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning,
23:13good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning,
23:13good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning,
23:17good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning,
23:21good morning, good morning, good morning, good morning
23:36Once they've settled in, we'll sneak back to the car and slip away.
23:40You would have me park where it could be seen from the windows.
23:43Once they've settled in with a drink, they won't notice us.
23:47Oh, I'll be glad when this is over. It's a nightmare.
23:49Good heavens, Richard.
23:51How often do you get the chance to drive a Rolls Royce?
23:54I wish I'd brought my camera.
23:57Why didn't you remember to bring the camera?
24:01Come on, then.
24:04Let's have a look round the garden.
24:15Good morning.
24:19And I bet you don't see any monkeys. Not at these prices.
24:31Where's Hans' own father?
24:32Gone looking for monkeys.
24:35It's a nice ladies' powder room.
24:38I've been thinking. We ought to do something about our bathroom at home.
24:44Well, we could get some frosted glass for the window.
24:48I'm sure that bloke across the street never used to wear glasses like that.
24:54He's always worn glasses with zoom lenses.
24:59Why don't you draw the curtains?
25:01Do you?
25:03Doesn't seem fair.
25:04Not when he's spent so much time at the window.
25:11Good morning.
25:13Right. Satisfied?
25:15No monkeys.
25:17Let's go back inside.
25:22All right, all right.
25:24We'll have another look.
25:26Now, don't start getting in a tizzy.
25:32We'll go over to that wall,
25:34keep a lookout,
25:35and give them a few more minutes.
25:39You never know.
25:41We might see a couple of hippopotamuses lurking anyway.
25:48No, that's a gardener.
25:55Oh, all right.
25:57I'm coming.
26:08All right.
26:09We'll take a look over there.
26:25Richard.
26:37Oh, Richard.
26:48Put your foot down, Richard.
26:51This is a getaway car.
26:55You are driving a vehicle reported as stolen.
27:10Bring her over here, Stan.
27:12Come on.
27:16It's not Daddy in trouble, is it?
27:21I thought Daddy was with you.
27:24He was.
27:25Till he saw the giraffe.
27:28It's not Father.
27:30It's hyacinth.
27:32Ah, well, that's all right, then.
27:34Come on, let's have another cup of coffee.
27:38Richard Bucket.
27:39It's B-O-U-Q-U-E-T.
27:44Right.
27:45I'd like the answer to a few questions, Mr Bucket.
27:47It's bouquet.
27:51Mrs Bucket.
27:53It's bouquet.
27:55It's a lovely day.
27:57Oh, I love getting Mrs Hawksford.
28:02Lovely day, isn't it?