- 8 hours ago
Hyacinth decides she will dress as Marie Antoinette for the Mayor's fancy dress ball, but she is also preoccupied with getting to know an important new neighbour.
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00:34Richard!
00:35I know that voice.
00:39Do you remember the Winslows?
00:42No.
00:43Well, they've overlooked something.
00:45They came to one of my candlelight suppers and they've never invited us back.
00:49I can't understand it.
00:51I think I can.
00:54It must be an oversight.
00:56They're not the kind of people who'd commit a breach of manners.
01:00You must ring them for a chat and drop a hint, Richard.
01:03Me?
01:04Well, I'd do it myself, only I'm not the sort of person who goes fishing for invitations.
01:10Well, I can't do that.
01:13Good, that's settled then.
01:21Rose is all excited.
01:26We all know that.
01:28Most of the male population knows that.
01:32She's engaged.
01:34You've got to admire the eternal optimism.
01:38She thinks this is the real thing.
01:41Well, if she doesn't know by now, she never will.
01:45Do you remember when we were engaged?
01:51Those wonderful hours at the back of the bakery.
01:57That wasn't me.
02:04Richard?
02:08I wonder what the voice of God sounds like.
02:14Isn't it time we had our invitations to the mayor's fancy dress ball?
02:19I don't suppose we'll get one this year.
02:22Of course we will.
02:23We've always had one.
02:25When I was an officer of the council, when I'm retired now.
02:29Well, that's no excuse.
02:31It'd be ridiculous if we didn't get an invitation to the mayor's fancy dress ball.
02:36And, Richard, isn't it time we made ourselves known to our new neighbor?
02:42Have we got a new neighbor?
02:44Oh, yes.
02:46And Mrs. Donoghue.
02:48She was a proctor, you know, proctor's pickles.
02:51Her father's very highly placed in condiment circles.
02:56I haven't noticed anyone moving into the road.
02:59It's in the next road.
03:01And that's a new neighbor in another road.
03:04Well, I don't see that as a barrier.
03:06She's still within our postcode.
03:12How engaged?
03:14She's engaged.
03:16You're either engaged or you're not.
03:17Rosa's engaged.
03:19Has she got a ring?
03:21I mean, has she got another ring?
03:25She just showed it to me.
03:27It's lovely.
03:29She must have more engagement rings than there are in Willis' window.
03:34She had more than I had when she had one.
03:38I couldn't afford an engagement ring.
03:41Didn't stop you wanting all the privileges, though, did it?
03:46Mind you, I must say, you've slowed down a lot since.
03:52Good night, Daze.
04:03Come on, Michael.
04:04Come on.
04:04Stiffen the sinews.
04:06Duty calls.
04:21Mrs. Bucket.
04:24Booket, bouquet.
04:27Oh.
04:29Haven't you an invitation for me?
04:31Why would I invite you anywhere?
04:34I mean an invitation to the Lord Mayor's fancy-dressed ball.
04:39It must be in there.
04:41Oh.
04:44No.
04:45Sorry.
04:50Please check at the sorting office
04:52that you've not overlooked my invitation
04:54to the Mayor's fancy-dressed ball.
05:00Drink up, Elizabeth.
05:04I won't be a moment,
05:06but as you were five minutes early for coffee this morning,
05:09I haven't quite finished making my cakes.
05:13Richard won't be joining us yet.
05:15He's having a chat with the Mayor at the Town Hall.
05:19Lucky Richard.
05:20Yes, I thought I'd better send him along personally.
05:26The Mayor will be so distressed
05:30when he realises our invitations are late.
05:33Invitations?
05:34To the Mayor's fancy-dressed ball.
05:37We always get an invitation
05:39to the Mayor's fancy-dressed ball.
05:44It's the highlight of the municipal year.
05:47It's very exclusive.
05:51I'm sure it is.
05:52Last year, I went as Cleopatra.
05:56Richard went as Mark Antony.
05:58But quite frankly,
06:00he was something of a disappointment as a Roman.
06:04He never quite got control of his javelin.
06:08I still have the scar.
06:14Personally, I don't care if we're not invited.
06:17I hated being a Roman.
06:19It was damn difficult juggling with that javelin and the buffet.
06:25Are you on the list?
06:26I don't suppose we are now that I've retired.
06:29But Hyacinth wants to go.
06:30Very much so.
06:32I'll put you on the list.
06:40Oh, thanks, Paul.
06:42This will make life so much easier for me.
06:46Not drinking, Elizabeth.
06:49Thought I'd let it get cool.
06:53I think you'll find it's all right, dear.
06:55Try it.
07:00Oh!
07:01You were going to tell me about the Winslows?
07:03Oh!
07:03Oh, yes.
07:05You know, they've never returned my invitation.
07:09When I think about it,
07:11I may have overdone it at my candlelight supper.
07:15Poor dear was probably so overwhelmed
07:17by the graciousness of the evening,
07:19she feels she can't compete.
07:21Yes, I expect that must be it.
07:23Oh, biscuit.
07:24Oh, thank you.
07:26Oh, excuse me.
07:29It's probably someone very important.
07:35The Biquet residence,
07:37the lady of the house speaking.
07:39Oh, it's you, Rose.
07:41It's my sister, Rose.
07:44Yes, she's not the one
07:45with the Mercedes sauna and room for a pony.
07:58Oh, Rose, I am pleased for you.
08:03Oh, and I do hope that this is the one
08:06you can't keep flirting with matrimony.
08:08My sister, Rose, has just become engaged.
08:14A Polish person?
08:17No, no, no, no, no, no, dear.
08:19I have nothing against Polish persons,
08:20but couldn't you find someone nearer?
08:25Oh, he lives here.
08:27Could you put Daisy on for a moment, dear?
08:32Do help yourself, Elizabeth.
08:44Onslow likes broken biscuits, doesn't he, Daisy?
08:49Now, Daisy,
08:51what is Rose doing marrying a Polish person?
08:53Is he suitable?
08:55What's his name?
08:56Nobody knows his name.
08:59Well, she must learn to pronounce it.
09:03She prefers to use his nickname.
09:05What is his nickname?
09:08Cuddly Chops.
09:13Now, Daisy,
09:15you tell Rose immediately
09:17that she must learn this gentleman's name.
09:20We cannot have a Cuddly Chops in the family.
09:26Her sister, Rose, is engaged.
09:29Now, you remember Rose?
09:31Eyelashes considerably longer than her skirt.
09:36Liz, do not distract me with trivialities.
09:40Life is dark and burdensome.
09:42Oh, Emmett,
09:45you've been divorced for 18 months now.
09:47I thought you got over it.
09:49Oh, I got over that.
09:50That was a mere trifle.
09:53It's Frankenstein's mother next door.
09:58What's she done to you now?
10:02She's threatened to come to my dress rehearsal.
10:05She's volunteered to help with my dress rehearsal.
10:16Well, maybe she'll have more on her mind
10:18now that Rose is marrying a Polish person.
10:22A wedding.
10:24She'll be going to the wedding
10:27in Poland.
10:31Oh, Hyacinth could be away for weeks in Poland.
10:34The Polish person lives here.
10:39He's got no right to live here.
10:42What's a Polish person doing living in England?
10:44That's the trouble with people today.
10:46They're always wandering about.
10:48No one sits still.
10:50I'm including you.
10:51Look at you.
10:53If that's Hyacinth,
10:55tell her I've got rabies.
10:59And my bite
11:00is fatal.
11:14Richard.
11:15Oh.
11:16Have a drink.
11:17Isn't it a bit early?
11:18There are some people, Richard,
11:19for whom it is never too early.
11:21There are some people
11:22who deserve a drink at any time.
11:24Well, just a small gin and tonic, Ben.
11:26Oh, go and have a large one, damn it.
11:28If anyone deserved a large one,
11:30it's you.
11:31I've been sent round by Hyacinth.
11:35Hyacinth?
11:36She's not going to be able
11:37to make your dress rehearsal.
11:39It turns out to be the same night
11:41as the mayor's fancy dress ball.
11:43Ha!
11:45We'll both have a large one.
11:48Liz,
11:49make us two large gin and tonics.
11:59Well, if he doesn't mind,
12:00why should our Hyacinth mind?
12:02He doesn't think it right
12:03you're calling him by his nickname.
12:06Especially that nickname.
12:07Not if you're going to get married.
12:09Well, our Hyacinth wants to try pronouncing it.
12:11There's too many Zs in it.
12:13Well, you'll have to learn it,
12:15our Rose,
12:15if you're going to get married.
12:16I keep trying to learn it.
12:19I was trying so hard,
12:20I never noticed what he was up to.
12:23That's how I came to be engaged.
12:26How about you work your way in slowly?
12:28What's his first name?
12:30That's nearly as bad.
12:32She needs his last name.
12:34She's going to be Mrs. whatever his last name is.
12:37What's it?
12:38I'm going to be
12:39Mrs. what's it?
12:41Well, that's about as near as I can get.
12:43I've got it written down somewhere.
12:45He spelt it for me.
12:47If it had been English,
12:47he'd have had to spell it for you.
12:51Nobody's going to marry you
12:52for your spelling, Rose.
12:54I managed to make my way through life.
12:57If love had a written examination,
13:00you'd have had to enter a convent.
13:03I can spell.
13:10Not tonight, Daze.
13:11It's only Tuesday.
13:14It's here.
13:17I told you.
13:20What do you think it says?
13:32What's it?
13:35I've definitely missed the what's it.
13:37Are you sure we're on the list?
13:40Hyacinth, I've told you a thousand times.
13:43We've been invited to the mayor's fancy dress ball.
13:48Well, I think it's very short notice.
13:51Well, I apologise for that.
13:53It seems we were overlooked.
13:56Anyway, what do you want to be?
13:59Just happy in a modest sort of way.
14:02No, I mean the fancy dress.
14:06What do you want to be?
14:07Well, not a Roman.
14:09Oh, no, dear.
14:11I couldn't let you loose as a Roman again.
14:13You know, I've never actually told you, Richard,
14:17but you were very disappointing as a Roman.
14:21I expected more of a hint of brutality.
14:25In the best possible taste, of course.
14:29You see, dear,
14:31you quite failed to convince me that you'd conquered Gaul.
14:36Never mind, though, dear.
14:38Come along.
14:39Come and change.
14:40Get into something smart.
14:42We're going for a walk.
14:43Oh, where to?
14:44Does it matter where to?
14:47We need to walk more.
14:50You'll find the exercise will do us good.
14:53You're up to something.
14:54Go on, get changed.
15:10Are you sure you've closed all the windows, Richard?
15:13I defy anyone to find an open window.
15:22Was that Emmett?
15:23He must have forgotten something in the house.
15:26No, dear.
15:29I'm afraid it's me.
15:35I rather think I send his senses, really.
15:40Dear Emmett.
15:41I'm coming, Richard.
15:49Has she gone?
15:50Yes, it's all clear.
15:51Come out now.
15:53But she did see you.
15:55I couldn't get in.
15:57I noticed that.
15:59She thinks you're half in love with her.
16:04Why are we going this way?
16:06Hmm?
16:07If we want to walk,
16:08why don't we go into the park or something?
16:10Oh, Richard,
16:11everybody walks in the park.
16:14Peculiar people walk in the park.
16:16No, it's nice down here.
16:18We'll go this way.
16:20I always believe one should go one's own way.
16:24I notice we never go my way.
16:26Hmm?
16:28Well, have you decided what you want to be?
16:31When I grow up, you mean?
16:34Oh, Richard.
16:35I mean, your fancy dress.
16:37Oh, well, it usually depends on what you want to be,
16:40and then I find something that goes with it.
16:42Oh, Richard, you make it sound as if I pressure you into things.
16:49I think I might go as Marie Antoinette.
16:52Oh, well, I'm not doing Louis XIV.
16:54I'm not wearing silk trousers.
16:56Oh, Richard, you can wear your plus fours underneath.
17:01Oh, I like number ten.
17:04Well, why that one?
17:05It looks just like the others.
17:06No, it doesn't, dear.
17:08It has an indefinable something about it.
17:12Well, Hyacinth, if you are going as Marie Antoinette...
17:15Well, I am.
17:16I have my heart set on Marie Antoinette.
17:18Maybe I could go as the executioner.
17:23Oh, that's a good idea.
17:25Well, it has a certain appeal, I agree.
17:29Let's turn round and walk back.
17:32Why?
17:33Humour me, Richard.
17:35Well, Hyacinth, tell me now, who is at number ten?
17:39Shh!
17:39Shh!
17:40I believe it's the Donna Hughes.
17:42Do you remember?
17:43I told you.
17:45She was a Proctor's Pickles.
17:48I thought if we bumped into them,
17:49it would be nice to welcome them to the area.
17:52Well, I'm not passing number ten all afternoon.
17:55Richard, I wouldn't dream of doing anything so silly.
17:57Good.
17:59Just a couple more times, and then we'll follow it again.
18:15What's wrong?
18:18Nothing.
18:25What are you looking at me for?
18:27I like looking at you.
18:30I like sitting here and thinking,
18:33it's all mine!
18:35It's all mine!
18:38How many of those have you had?
18:42It's my first.
18:43Well, don't have any more.
18:50What are you smiling for?
18:52I was just thinking,
18:54when our Rose gets married
18:56and she leaves,
18:59it'll just be the two of us.
19:02Daisy, I am not just a plaything.
19:08We'll have to take in a lodger.
19:13There, now.
19:15I'm sure the walk did us good.
19:18Twenty-three times past number ten.
19:22Oh, that wasn't a walk.
19:24It was sentry duty.
19:26I liked number ten.
19:29I was merely admiring their garden.
19:32I don't see why.
19:34It's just a garden.
19:36Of course it's not just a garden.
19:38If you were once a proctor's pickle,
19:40you don't have just a garden.
19:43Oh, I don't need a cup of tea.
19:44Oh, what a good idea.
19:47Don't take your shoes off, Richard.
19:49You have to go into town.
19:51What on earth for?
19:53To order our costumes
19:54for the fancy dress ball.
19:57And do insist,
19:59I want to be Marie Antoinette.
20:00They have my measurements on file.
20:05And do be careful
20:06what you choose for yourself.
20:08I don't want you in tights, Richard.
20:12I get very embarrassed
20:14in front of the neighbours
20:15when you're in tights.
20:17When have I ever been in tights?
20:19The year you were Robin Hood.
20:21No, I was Friar Tuck.
20:24You were Robin Hood.
20:26Are you sure?
20:27Don't you remember?
20:29Sheridan became ill
20:31because he couldn't be made Marion.
20:33Oh, yes, I do remember.
20:36Poor Sheridan.
20:38He broke out in spots.
20:41Only in the nicest places, of course.
20:44Ah, let's call you lunch.
20:48Hey, kid, come here.
21:00Put this in that letterbox for me, will you?
21:04How much?
21:06You're going to grow up to be a monster, aren't you?
21:1050p.
21:12For Mrs Bucket, forget it.
21:14Oi, come here.
21:16Pound.
21:17Let's see your money.
21:23Here you are.
21:30You'll be sorry.
21:39Smart kid.
21:44The bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking.
21:49Sheridan.
21:52Oh, how psychic of you to ring Mummy.
21:56Daddy and I were talking about your spots only yesterday.
22:00No more money this month.
22:03And Mummy's been thinking about you again this morning.
22:06I was clearing out a drawer
22:09and I found your first little sewing kit.
22:13It brought a tear to Mummy's eye.
22:16It brought a tear to mine.
22:18I sat on the damn thing.
22:21Hmm?
22:22Now, you're lucky to have caught us, dear.
22:25We'll soon be off for our walk.
22:27Yes, we go every day now.
22:31Hmm.
22:33Mummy's on nodding terms with a proctor's pickle.
22:36Yes, a Mrs Donoghue.
22:39Her father's very big in condiment circles.
22:43Absolutely nothing over ten pounds.
22:46Oh, Jesus.
22:49I'm sorry, dear.
22:51There's an interference on the line.
22:54Now, I'm afraid you've caught Mummy when she's very disappointed.
22:59It's the mayor's fancy dress ball this evening
23:02and I wanted to go as Marie Antoinette,
23:06but Daddy couldn't get the costume.
23:08Well, I had to take what they've got left.
23:12I'm sorry, dear.
23:13There's another gremlin on the line.
23:18What are you doing, Liz?
23:20I thought you were supposed to be in the garden.
23:21No, not yet.
23:22I want to see Hyacinth in costume.
23:26What are they going as?
23:27She won't say.
23:29It's not Marie Antoinette.
23:31I've gathered that much.
23:34All she needs is a Croft's first prize rosette
23:37and she could go as Supreme Lady Champion.
23:41And you know what they call those.
23:43Oh, damn it.
23:46Quick, quick, they're getting in the car.
23:51Good heavens.
23:52Oh, I wouldn't have missed that for the world.
23:58I feel rather uncomfortable in this costume, Richard.
24:00You told me to take what they had.
24:02It was these or nothing.
24:05What are you doing, dear?
24:06I'm not doing anything.
24:08It's doing it all by itself.
24:10Richard, how can you break down on me like this?
24:23Hello, Rose.
24:25I'm afraid you've just missed Hyacinth.
24:27They're left of the town hall.
24:29You'll catch them if you hurry.
24:31Believe me, it's worth the effort.
24:34I did want her to meet my friend, Mr...
24:39What's it?
24:58Mrs. Bucket.
25:05It's bouquet, Mrs. Donoghue.
25:11I don't believe you've met my husband, Richard.
25:17Come and meet Mrs. Donoghue.
25:31Well, I really can't stay out here all evening.
25:34I can hear my telephone.
25:36I'll call you, Mrs. Donoghue.
25:38I do hope you'll grace one of my candlelight suppers.
25:59Is Queen Bodicea having trouble with her chariot, then?
26:03Don't look at a jacket on, Hanslow.
26:05You're being observed by a proctor's pickle.
26:08I'm sure she's lost.
26:43Oh, thanks for the lift on, sir. I'm sorry you can't stop.
26:51You've hardly said a word to Mr. Watsit.
26:54She said a word to me? I don't think it was ancient Britain.
27:00Your Worship.
27:04Oh, Your Worship, I was hoping to speak with you about a little function I shall be holding.
27:14Just a few friends of the right socio-economic balance.
27:24Oh, no.
27:44Oh, Richard. I will not share my throne with those impostors.
27:50Oh, no.
27:51Oh, no.
27:54Oh, no.
28:05Oh, no.
28:07Oh, no.
28:18Oh, no.
28:28Oh, no.
28:32Oh, no.
28:33Oh, no.
28:36Oh, no.
28:39Oh, no.
28:41Oh, no.
28:45Oh, no.
28:49Oh, no.
28:52Oh, no.
29:02Hello, welcome to England
29:04Hello, welcome to England
29:08Hello, welcome to England
29:11Hello, welcome to England
29:12Hello, welcome to England
29:13Hello, welcome to England
29:13It's much more than fish and chips
29:14We've got chicks with the tits and the big filled lips
29:16Ballied up kids and the RS6
29:18Big two fiddies, four fiddies with a kick
29:20Eyes with more grips that'll creep in your crib
29:21I smell bacon, I smell pigs
29:23Take the cash down, get into the whip
29:25Leeds roll racing, I'm feeling like Hamilton
29:27Weed rolls amazing, crops, yeah I'm grabbing them
29:29Don't give a fuck in the truck and I'm ramming them
29:30For the West Yorkshire police, yeah that's running the-