- 8 hours ago
Hyacinth still wants to join Emmet's production of 'The Boyfriend', but fortunately for him, other things have to take priority.
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00:28Transcription by CastingWords
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01:44I told her the other morning in the middle of that excruciating coffee session
01:47The one you couldn't make, Sister dear?
01:53Transcription by CastingWords
01:55My production of The Boyfriend is already fully cast
01:58That was very brave!
02:01What did she say?
02:03She gave me one of her smiles, slipped me a parsnip and rhubarb biscuit
02:08And then asked me whether I'd seen her pictures of Sheridan when he came first in his dance class
02:15Have you seen them?
02:17No, thank heavens!
02:18Oh, they're worth a look
02:20Poor Sheridan
02:21You know, he never really stood a chance
02:23Show me your signal, Richard
02:28Right, I'm off
02:45Is the coast clear?
02:47Is the coast clear?
02:47Well, there's just Richard behaving very strangely
02:56Poor chap's finally flipped
03:00And who can blame him?
03:02I'm amazed he didn't flip years ago
03:04I'm amazed he didn't flip years ago
03:13I'm amazed he didn't flip years ago
03:15Morning, Richard
03:15Good morning, Emmett
03:17Oh, look, a blackbird
03:22Oh, look, another
03:31Oh, Violet, you know you can confide in me
03:36You're getting fed up with whose company?
03:39Bruce's?
03:40Oh, well, that's only natural
03:42He's your husband
03:44Oh, yes, they do get tiresome
03:48What you need is another dimension to your lifestyle
03:53Yes, perhaps you should entertain a little more
03:55Mmm, give a little soiree
03:59I could come along and bring some socially acceptable guests
04:02Yes
04:04No, don't get alarmed, Violet, dear
04:06We can keep it quite simple
04:08Oh, a little caviar, champagne and cut-glass fingers
04:16Onslow?
04:18Where did we first make love?
04:29Did you repeat the question?
04:34Where did we first make love?
04:36It made such an impression on you
04:39You can't even remember it
04:43I can remember
04:44When we last made love
04:49Just
04:52Why is father standing in a bucket?
04:56Is he standing in a bucket?
04:58Just standing there with both feet in the bucket
05:01Is he quiet?
05:03Yes
05:03So leave him alone
05:04Get yourself another bucket
05:07I don't want a bucket
05:08So why do you care if father's standing in a bucket?
05:13I wish I'd never asked
05:18Why didn't you come out when I signaled?
05:21I was on the telephone
05:23Oh, of nothing to wear
05:27Well, you've missed Emmet
05:30Oh, you can forget all about that now
05:32What?
05:34We shall invite Elizabeth and Emmet
05:36To go with us tonight to Violet's
05:39Are we going to Violet's?
05:41Yes, Richard
05:42For a superlative summer evening
05:45With my well-heeled sister
05:49Caviar
05:50Champagne
05:51Quail's eggs
05:52Cut glass finger bowls
05:54Mmm
06:00Is Rose cooking breakfast?
06:02I shouldn't think so
06:04Well, if Rose is cooking breakfast
06:06It smells very funny
06:10It was in that bush shelter in Milton Street
06:18What was?
06:20Where we first made love
06:23No, it wasn't
06:24We never needed a bus that went past Milton Street
06:30I was sure I had a boyfriend
06:32A friend that needed a bus that went past Milton Street
06:34Well, it wasn't me
06:40It's not an empty bucket
06:42What's in it?
06:45Horse manure
06:48Ask a simple question
06:50Father is standing barefoot
06:52In a bucket of horse manure
06:56Why would he do that?
06:58Maybe he lost his slippers
07:02I knew it didn't smell like breakfast
07:10You love it at Violet's
07:13You've heard me talk of Violet
07:15Many times
07:16She's my sister with the Mercedes sauna
07:19And room for a pony
07:22You must bring Emmett
07:25We shall have a superlative summer evening
07:29Caviar, champagne
07:31Quail's eggs
07:32Smoked salmon parcels
07:34Nothing too formal
07:36Just something tasteful
07:38With hand-engraved cut glass finger bowls
07:55Oh, Emmett will love it
08:01Oh, I don't think Emmett will be able to come, Hyacinth
08:05Oh, he will when he knows I'll be there
08:09Well, I'm not even certain I can get word to him
08:12You see, he's rehearsing all day at the church hall
08:15Oh, don't worry about that, dear
08:17We'll catch him there
08:19Well, I don't know that that's a fright
08:20I could help Emmett drill his cast
08:24It'd be nice for him to have someone to lean on
08:28Oh, I'm sorry
08:29How did that get in there?
08:39I'm terribly sorry, Hyacinth
08:41Don't worry, dear
08:43They're not really all that expensive
08:49More than most people would pay
08:51But then accidents will happen
08:53Rather too frequently, unfortunately
09:04Should we really be interrupting Emmett's rehearsals?
09:08That's been worrying me, too
09:09Oh, Emmett won't mind if it's me
09:11Emmett and I are bonded by our mutual love of music
09:15Well, I think perhaps we ought to warn him
09:17Call him on the telephone first
09:19That sounds like a very good idea
09:21But there's no phone in the church hall
09:24We'll have to phone the vicarage
09:25And his poor wife will have to take the message over to the hall
09:29I still think it might be the thing to do
09:55Richard, did you see this?
09:56This man pushed in
09:58Yes, wait
10:00Wait!
10:02Why should I wait?
10:08Excuse me
10:10But that's my telephone call you're making
10:11I was here first
10:14Please go away, madam
10:16I shan't be a minute
10:19Richard, eject this man
10:23Richard, this man's insulted me
10:30Not quite
10:31But it's getting close
10:46You obviously overuse the public system
10:49I very rarely use it
10:50As I possess a white slimline telephone
10:52With automatic reader
10:54With a voice like yours
10:56I'm surprised you even need a telephone
11:04Richard, come and help me
11:07Hyacinth, stop that at once
11:09And get into the car
11:26Well done, sir
11:27In wartime, you'd have got a medal for courage like that
11:45Hold it
11:46Hold it, girls
11:48That's very good
11:49But I think we can do a bit more work
11:52Vic
11:53Have you ever done this sort of thing?
11:55Not for some time
11:57University
11:57I'm sure you can remember the old
12:11Yes
12:12Knees are a bit rusty
12:13No, it's good
12:14It's good
12:14It's not
12:14Not
12:15Not at all
12:16Why don't you come up here
12:17And we'll show them how to do it
12:19Okay
12:20Come on, girls
12:21Go down there
12:22Watch
12:29We're perfect young ladies
12:31Preparing to die
12:33We have offices amongst the noblesse
12:36We're perfect young ladies
12:38Preparing to die
12:50Father's not as daft as you think
12:54Standing in a bucket of horse manure
12:56He's giving it a good try
12:58He says it's good for his chillblings
13:02Has he got chillblings?
13:04No
13:04So there must be something in it
13:08Where did he get the stuff from anyway?
13:11He found it in the street
13:14He's beginning to worry where his next load's coming from
13:19Well, I'm not going out collecting for him
13:27Now what?
13:31He may think it's good for his chillblings
13:33But if that's the only medicine he's got faith in
13:35I hope he never gets barber's rash
13:54It's no good sulking, Hyacinth
13:57The situation called for firm measures
13:59It was embarrassing
14:01It was embarrassing
14:03I must say, Richard
14:05There are times when I'm amazed by your impatience
14:08And your lack of consideration for other people
14:12My impatience?
14:14Yes
14:15Elizabeth was a witness
14:17She heard you raise your voice to me
14:22Well, I've never raised my voice to you before
14:25Well, I think I'll just go and warn Emmett you're coming
14:28No
14:30We'll surprise him
14:38I think I'd rather be out here when Emmett's surprised
14:41I don't forget the smiles
14:46Always big smiles
14:50Spooky woman
14:53I'd be contented to live anywhere
14:56What would I care?
14:58Oh
15:01Is that what you're wearing?
15:03Not very haute couture, is it?
15:05Has anyone seen Emmett?
15:07I had to leave
15:09In a hurry
15:09In a great hurry
15:11Oh, what a pity
15:13He'll be sorry he's missed me
15:17Of course
15:18I could wait and take you through your paces
15:25Any girl who's reached the age of seventeen
15:29Oh, their vows
15:30Has a whole desire in a few
15:35She doesn't see that she's a stage
15:38Of ten, one, their vows
15:41Nothing else will be true
15:51Let's go right outside
15:59It's her husband
16:01Come on, quick
16:08Isn't that young?
16:10Your wife
16:10I thought I recognised the noise
16:14Voice?
16:16Shall we go round the back way?
16:18What a good idea
16:19Oh, my friend
16:26Did you know my diction is very important?
16:29The audience can hear the words
16:34Why exactly is Mrs. Bukie singing?
16:37She wanted to involve herself in my brother's rehearsals
16:40Oh, I bet she was pleased
16:42Everybody
16:44Please don't feel embarrassed watching me
16:47I can quite understand how envious you must be
16:51It's a gift, you see
16:52Some of us have it
16:54Some of us don't
16:55You can't all expect to have voices like myself and Joan Sutherland
17:01Thank you for helping me carry the jumble
17:03We'll put it under the stage
17:05Would you mind, Elizabeth?
17:06No, no, no
17:07Of course not
17:08If I pop inside, perhaps you'd hand things down to me
17:11Certainly
17:17What on earth's going on?
17:21What are you all doing down here?
17:24Rehearsing
17:24Aren't we?
17:26Yes
17:26Yes, yes
17:27Very tricky routine
17:29Oh
17:30Very tricky
17:32Ready, girls?
17:33One, two, three
17:35We're perfect
17:36Young ladies
17:36We're perfect
17:37What on earth are you doing?
17:41Rehearsing
17:42I'm afraid I'm not convinced
17:44Michael, what are you doing under the stage with three?
17:48Girls
17:49Well, it's not just three girls
17:51Emmett's here
17:52He's a single man
17:55Divorce
17:56It's the same thing
17:57Not quite technically, dear
18:00Excuse me
18:05Look, why are you making such fuss?
18:08You think under the stage in the pitch dark with three girls is really appropriate for a vicar?
18:14Darkness is clerical territory
18:16You're supposed to fight it, not join it
18:22Hello?
18:24There's a perfectly simple explanation
18:26I know
18:27That's what worries me
18:28Oh, there you are, Emmett's
18:32Just when I thought I was in enough trouble
18:34And you too, vicar
18:37How fortunate to find you all together
18:39I have a surprise for you
18:42You're all invited this evening
18:44To my sister Violet's
18:46She's the one with the Mercedes
18:48The sauna and room for a pony
18:51Now, I want you all there at six o'clock this evening
18:54For a bon vivant buffet
18:56And alfresco manchettes
18:59For weather permitting, of course
19:01We do on soggy volovan, do we?
19:20Now, Richard
19:21I want you to be at your most elegant this evening
19:28I don't do a good elegant
19:31But of course you do, dear
19:33Look who's been training you all these years
19:40Tell me about the buffet items
19:42Oh, you can fetch all that in a minute
19:49It's even better than ours
19:54Hello, dear
19:55Hi, Asynth
19:57Richard
19:58Where the hell have you gone now?
20:01Violet
20:02Pay attention when I'm yelling at you
20:05That's lost
20:07Not you
20:08Him
20:09Lovely to see you both
20:18Who was this guy you were with
20:20In the bus shelter in Milton's
20:24Don't worry about him
20:26You liked him
20:27It's not as if it was somebody you didn't like
20:30Sounds as if you liked him better
20:34What do you mean I liked him?
20:37He was a friend of yours
20:39Oh, nice
20:41Some friend
20:45It's not as if we were married at the time
20:48Father's gone
20:50Did you know she used to be in a bus shelter in Milton Street with some guy?
20:54Only on Fridays
20:56What guy?
20:57That's what I want to know
20:59What guy?
21:00What do you mean, father's gone?
21:02Oh, he's gone with his bucket looking for another load
21:06Do you mean that shelter at the bottom end of Milton Street?
21:11That's the one
21:13Oh, I've spent some happy hours in that shelter
21:17Sounds as though everybody except me spent happy hours in that bus shelter
21:21I think he's jealous
21:23Oh, I think that's so sweet
21:30I wouldn't mind you were always borrowing your bus fare
21:35It looks rather good
21:37Not quite my candlelight supper, but it's certainly elegant
21:41Why are you trying to choke me?
21:43Why are you trying to choke me?
21:43I hate you!
21:45I can't stand you!
21:46Why don't we just phone round and cancel everybody?
21:49Richard, I will not disappoint people
21:51We have friends coming tonight
21:53Who are expecting a bon vivant buffet and alfresco manchiettes
21:56And that's exactly what they're going to receive
21:58But what about the row indoors?
22:01It'll quieten down
22:03It'll have to
22:05If it doesn't, we'll drown it out with music
22:08Do we have any music?
22:10Don't make difficulties, Richard
22:13Take a positive attitude, dear
22:15I want this evening to be elegant and memorable
22:19Don't do that!
22:21I have a feeling it is going to be memorable
22:32Oh, yes, that's really lovely
22:36An elegant, gastronomic delight
22:40Are you on top of the barbecue, Richard?
22:45I'm getting there
22:47Slowly
22:48You've hidden the carving knife again!
22:51I've every reason to...
22:52Carving knife? Did you hear that?
22:54Richard, I will not have you eavesdropping on private conversations
22:58You call that private?
23:01Get out of my way!
23:02Oh, do something, dear
23:04I hate you!
23:06Your legs are too short!
23:08Wait, have an idea
23:09I'm going nowhere near them if they're waving carving knives around
23:13We need to be able to drown out their voices
23:16Nor am I contacting the Royal Artillery
23:20No!
23:21Just go and have a look inside
23:23And see if you can find some large sheets of card
23:27And a thick pen
23:29What for?
23:30Never you mind
23:32Couldn't we have a puncher or something?
23:34Couldn't car break down and then we couldn't possibly get there?
23:38You promised the vicar you'd come
23:39You're going to give each other mutual support
23:42If I had a brain, you think I'd be married to you?
23:47There!
23:48Well, what are you going to do?
23:50Hold it up and hope that Violet and Bruce will surrender?
23:54No!
23:55We're going to have a barbecue sing-song
23:59Surely you can understand anyone hiding from the Bucket Woman
24:03Yes, of course I can
24:05What I can't understand is why you felt you needed the moral support
24:10Of three attractive young ladies
24:13You're the one with them out!
24:14Do you really think this is going to work?
24:16That's what I say makes sense
24:17It will if we sing loud enough
24:22That's probably Elizabeth and Emmett
24:24Well, at least it's quiet at the moment
24:28They'll be in each other's arms
24:30Looking for the jugular
24:33Hello, Elizabeth and Emmett
24:36Hello
24:37Hello
24:37Welcome to our barbecue
24:39With the unique sing-for-your-supper speciality
24:43Oh, no
24:44She's not going to sing
24:47Tell me she's not going to sing
24:49Be quiet
24:50Well, I must say the buffet looks lovely, Hyacinth
24:54Thank you, dear
24:55Um, how does the singing side of the evening work?
24:58Oh, it's a party game based on an idea
25:02Originally conceived by Henry VIII for his banquets
25:05How interesting
25:08Fascinating
25:08Yes, it's perfectly simple
25:11Whenever I pick up one of these cards
25:14Then everyone sings the song it names
25:17I know, I'll just better look
25:19Rule Britannia
25:21Britannia rules the ways
25:24Britannia never, never, never
25:26Shall be slaves
25:27Oh, we can sing up, dear
25:29Rule Britannia
25:31Britannia rules the ways
25:34Britannia never, never, never
25:36Shall be slaves
25:38Lovely
25:40Lovely
25:42Now, what can I offer you as a preliminary nibble?
25:46Do you think she has any suicide pills?
25:50Behave yourselves
25:51Oh, hello again, Vicar
25:54How nice to see you and your good lady
25:57Good evening, Mrs Buckley
25:59Do relax and enjoy yourselves
26:02Why do you go that funny collar?
26:04I've stood life with you
26:06There's always a country lane
26:09Where there's a country lane
26:13Wherever there's a cottage
26:16Small beside a hill of brave
26:20There's always a country lane
26:24And England shall be free
26:28Just a party game, Vicar
26:34You'll soon get the hang of it
26:40Richard'll soon have the hot food ready
26:42Won't you, dear?
26:44But in the meantime
26:44Do help yourself to my ancillary items
26:47Thank you, Hyacinth
26:48Don't bite me there!
26:50No one bite me there!
26:53There's always a country lane
26:56There's always a country lane
26:56There's always a country lane
26:57There's always a country lane
26:58There's always a country lane
26:58There's always a country lane
26:59She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
27:04She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
27:06She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
27:07She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes
27:08She'll be coming round the mountain
27:10She'll be coming round the mountain
27:10She'll be coming round the mountain
27:11She'll be coming round the mountain
27:11Coming round the mountain
27:12Coming round the mountain
27:12Coming round the mountain when she comes
27:16I can't believe this is happening.
27:18Now, do help yourselves.
27:20I don't want to take it all home again.
27:23It all has to be eaten.
27:25How dare you say that?
27:28You had a farm, E-I-E-I-O.
27:32And on that farm there was a duck, E-I-E-I-O.
27:36With a barbecue, barbecue, barbecue.
27:39You made fire!
27:41Oh, Richard, what are you doing?
27:43Your barbecue's out of control.
27:46Daddy, what a miracle!
27:49When we need him, Daddy appears with a bucket of water.
28:03Enough of you, I really have.
28:05I don't know how sweet you are.
28:07Go away.
28:10Oh, dear, what a pity Bruce can't stay.
28:15You will join us, Violet, dear.
28:17I thought we might take home a Chinese.
28:19Oh, please!
29:30Hello, welcome to England.
29:31It's much more than fish and chips.
29:33We've got chicks with a tits and a big filled lips.
29:35Ballied up kids and a RS6.
29:36Big two fiddies, four fiddies with a kick.
29:38Guys with more grips that'll creep in your crib.
29:40I smell bacon, I smell pigs.
29:42Take the cash down, get into the whip.
29:43Leeds roll waste and I'm feeling like Hamilton.
29:45Weeclos amazing, crops gang grabbing them.
29:47Don't give a fuck in the truck and I'm ramming them.
29:49Fuck the West Yorkshire police, yeah, they're standing around.