- 10 hours ago
Hyacinth has her own plans for Richard's retirement, including trips into the countryside and to her sister's.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:20What have you got?
00:21Heart failure.
00:25Well, this can't be it.
00:26This is a bill, this isn't it.
00:28It should be on stiff white card from the Lord Chamberlain's office.
00:33What should?
00:34Our invitation to the Royal Garden Party.
00:38My husband has recently retired after a lifetime's devoted service to the community.
00:44Now that means an invitation to the Royal Garden Party bound to.
00:48Oh, bound to?
00:49Mr Hislop at number 43 went to the Royal Garden Party last year
00:53and he only drives a C registration.
00:58Are you sure there's nothing else in your bag?
01:00Not for this address, Mrs But...
01:02Well, that's very strange.
01:06It must be lying about somewhere.
01:07Lost in the depths of your sorting office.
01:10Your husband retired, is he?
01:13Wow.
01:14If anybody deserves a garden party.
01:16Exactly.
01:18Oh, and when you do bring the invitation, don't bend it.
01:23I shall want to frame it afterwards.
01:25Not for myself, of course, but it's the kind of thing neighbours like to see.
01:34Is that the Lord Chamberlain's office?
01:36It is good.
01:38I'd like a word with the Lord Chamberlain, please.
01:42He's not there.
01:46Have you anyone else there who's important?
01:49Someone in authority.
01:51Please don't trouble their majesty, of course.
01:54It's about my husband's invitation to the Royal Garden Party.
02:00It hasn't arrived yet.
02:01Would you winkle it out and expedite it?
02:05Bouquet.
02:06B-U-C-K-E-T.
02:09How do I know he's getting one?
02:12Well, Mr and Mrs Hislop have been.
02:14I know they have a corgi, but there must be more to it than that.
02:18If you would be so kind as to make enquiries.
02:22And will you ring me back as soon as possible?
02:25I must know what colour the Queen will be wearing.
02:29One has a duty not to clash.
02:32You swine, Edgar!
02:34You promised me you'd finish with her.
02:37You said you couldn't stand her.
02:39And the way she looks, I found that entirely believable.
02:42I believed you, Edgar.
02:44Can you turn your rose down a bit?
02:46I can't hear the telly.
02:49Listen to Rose.
02:50I usually do.
02:52She's streets ahead of telly.
02:53You don't even sound like the same person
02:56that promised me undying love in that bus shelter.
03:00I'm hurt.
03:01You're trampling on me, Edgar.
03:04Could he trample a bit quieter?
03:08Do you remember when we used to go into bus shelters?
03:14Don't start getting broody.
03:16I've got a headache.
03:17You might just as well have taken my heart, Edgar,
03:22and plucked it out and tossed it away.
03:26Sounds like a good idea to me.
03:28You promised me you'd be faithful,
03:31and then I catch you sneaking back to your wife.
03:36Well, it's been a lesson, Edgar,
03:39but that's it.
03:40I've finished.
03:43I mean it.
03:44I'm going back to being a virgin.
03:51I'll say this much for you, Onslow.
03:54You've always been too bone-idle to be unfaithful to me.
03:58It just goes to show,
04:00it's good in everybody if you look for it.
04:14You'll wear it away, Richard.
04:16I know.
04:18Hyacinth likes a clean car,
04:20and now I've got time, you see.
04:21How's it going?
04:23Well, you know, I can guess.
04:25You find there's time for lots of thinking.
04:28About what?
04:29Oh, things.
04:38We can often do this now.
04:40Little educational trips into the countryside.
04:45What a marvellous opportunity
04:47to increase our knowledge of local history and antiquities.
04:56Shouldn't you have turned left there, dear?
04:58Don't think so.
05:02I expect we should have turned left there.
05:07Mind the grass verge.
05:09Don't go too near the grass verge.
05:12You think we can often do this?
05:17I expect we'll become quite expert
05:20in local history and antiquities.
05:22I think I'd like that.
05:24I could perhaps give a talk occasionally.
05:27I'm sure you could talk, Hyacinth.
05:29I'm absolutely positive you could talk.
05:31Yes, I believe I could.
05:36Mind the horse.
05:38It's in the field.
05:40They're just hedges, you know.
05:42Haven't you seen them on television?
05:53Hands up, all who find life meaningless.
05:56Meaningless.
06:06Any more beer?
06:09No.
06:11Oh, nice.
06:16I'm at the crossroads.
06:18You wouldn't be passing an off-licence, would you?
06:22I mean the big crossroads.
06:25Do you continue with your life?
06:27Or do you just give in?
06:29Could you go the off-licence first and then switch into your life?
06:42Would you say that was a yes or a no?
06:45No.
06:47No.
06:51No.
06:53No.
06:55No.
06:58No.
07:02No.
07:09No.
07:12No.
07:14No.
07:14No.
07:21No.
07:26No.
07:27But do you think there'd be something?
07:29Well, obviously there is something if we use our eyes and your binoculars.
07:38There!
07:39Where?
07:40That lump.
07:41That could be a burial site.
07:44It's a very small lump.
07:45Well, perhaps they weren't very large.
07:48Iron Age midget remains, don't you?
07:50Hmm?
07:51It could be a Neanderthal barrow, dear.
07:54It says in the guidebook.
07:55They have barrows.
07:57I expect they wield rocks about and things.
08:01Oh, come along, Richard.
08:03Aren't you excited?
08:04Helena Collins.
08:06Welcome to the minimal overview.
08:11Aho!
08:16Aho!
08:21Aho!
08:24Aho!
08:27Aho!
08:29Aho!
08:31Kuh-Aah!
08:31Aho!
08:32Ha!
08:32Aho!
08:32Aho!
08:36Your rose is gone again
08:40She's always fancied black
08:42She thinks black suits her
08:44It does
08:44It suits me
08:46Why are you wearing a veil over a negligee, Rose?
08:51Because
08:52It expresses how I feel
08:55Symbolically
08:56Half deeply depressed
08:59And half
09:01Yearning for excitement
09:04She looks like the bride of Frankenstein
09:10Bride?
09:12That's a nice change
09:13She never usually gets past girlfriend
09:24What with her and your hyacinth
09:26I'm glad you're normal
09:30Never mind normal
09:32Try desirable
09:37Told you I've got headache
09:46Can you see anything now?
09:49I can't look
09:53Come along, Richard
09:55Use your eyes
09:56I don't even open them
09:58I don't like heights
10:01It's at times like these
10:02I miss my Sheridan
10:03When did he ever climb a tree?
10:06He would for his mummy, dear
10:12Richard
10:14You're not all that high, dear
10:16That's not the impression you get from up here
10:19Well, scan the countryside
10:24Look particularly for evidence of mounds and depressions
10:29The only depression is mine
10:31I feel extremely unsafe
10:35Oh, really, Richard
10:36Here we are
10:37In the pursuit of history
10:39And all you can think about
10:40Is your safety
10:45How could that hiker have the impertinence
10:47To think I was talking to a tree?
10:51I didn't believe you were up there at all
10:53Why didn't you answer?
10:54I must have been totally engrossed
10:56In looking for Iron Age remains
10:58Well, you should have answered
10:59Look for lumps and depressions, you said
11:02I must have been so wrapped up
11:03In looking for lumps and depressions
11:05It was very humiliating for me
11:11Mind the pothole in the road
11:12Minding the pothole
11:21Now, that was fun
11:24Wasn't it, Richard?
11:25Yes, dear
11:28I'm going to ring Elizabeth
11:30And invite her in for a nice cup of tea
11:37Why don't you go and get changed, dear
11:39And have a little potter in the garden
11:42Oh, yes, dear
11:50Elizabeth, it's higher, Synth
11:51Why don't you pop round
11:53For a nice cup of tea, dear
11:55Hmm
11:56You're going where?
11:58Oh, don't worry about that
11:59They'll wait for you
12:01Shall we say five minutes?
12:03I talk to the tree
12:05I want to talk to you about Richard
12:13Stars, but they never hear me
12:17Breeze hasn't time to stop and hear what I say
12:20Have you noticed anything different about Richard?
12:26I can't stay too long, Hyacinth, because I'm supposed to be
12:29Not that it makes the slightest difference, of course
12:33You'll enjoy a break and a nice cup of tea
12:37Do sit down, Elizabeth
12:40Which chair, Hyacinth?
12:42Hmm?
12:42I insist you point me to a chair
12:45Good heavens, Elizabeth
12:47Sit where you like, dear
12:51Except there
12:53Thought I might like to sit there
12:58Now
13:02What I wanted to ask you
13:05Is have you noticed anything different about Richard?
13:08Different?
13:09Hmm
13:10He's behaving very oddly
13:12Oddly?
13:13Richard?
13:14Oh, I mean, nothing dramatic
13:15Just the little signs a wife notices
13:19He wouldn't speak to me when he was up a tree
13:28What was he doing, up a tree?
13:31I mean, that's not the point, dear
13:34Actually, he was looking for lumps and depressions
13:40Up a tree?
13:41He was looking for Iron Age remains
13:46Beaker or my best bone, dear?
13:48Oh, a beaker
13:49Otherwise, we'll end up with China remains
14:00You look very philosophical, Richard
14:02I expect Einstein looked like that
14:04On his way to the theory of relativity
14:09Richard
14:11Well, I've heard of gnomes in the garden
14:13But you look almost lifelike
14:16Hello, Emmett
14:17I'm waiting for the weeds to grow
14:21It's supposed to be having a potter in the garden
14:23But it's not big enough for a decent potter
14:26Otherwise, how is retirement going?
14:28This morning, we went looking for Iron Age remains
14:31I'm sorry to hear that
14:33You poor devil
14:34I expect to get used to it
14:36No, no, Richard
14:37You mustn't
14:39I went through a bad patch
14:40And I found that what you have to do
14:41Is bring a sense of play into your life
14:45Mischief
14:45A little irresponsibility
14:47If it's easier for you
14:49You could play the piano
14:51Sometimes it works wonders
14:52Just to be playful
14:54Just for the hell of it
14:57Just for the hell of it
14:58Oh!
15:01I've forgotten the biscuits
15:06Of course, it could be my imagination
15:10No, I think you have forgotten them
15:13Not the biscuits
15:15I was talking about Richard
15:18It must be my imagination
15:20He's always been so reliable
15:23Look how nicely he keeps the car
15:26Biscuit?
15:27Oh, thank you
15:29He wouldn't have got so far in public service, would he?
15:32If he hadn't been such a rock of reliability, plate
15:37Thank you
15:41Biscuit?
15:42Oh, thank you
15:49I was saying as much
15:52Only this morning
15:53To the Lord Chamberlain's office
15:59Richard!
16:01Richard!
16:16Who are you upside down with?
16:18I hope it's someone we know
16:26Emmert!
16:28Hello, Fyacin
16:29We were just seeing if we could still do it
16:40Richard!
16:41Can you come up in for a cup of tea, will you, dear?
16:43What?
16:44Now!
16:45I really think I ought to be getting back, Carson
16:46I've got so much work to do
16:51Daisy Onslow!
16:53How nice of you to drop in
16:54It's a pity we're just going out
16:57However, there'll be other days
16:59If we're not careful
17:02It's Rose
17:03Her hormones are running riot again
17:06She's locked herself in her room
17:07Which is very inconvenient
17:09As I'm out of cans
17:10And she's got the bottle opener
17:13Supposing she harms herself on the bottle opener
17:15Or even worse
17:17Suppose she loses it
17:20She sent for your vicar
17:21Our vicar?
17:23She says she needs spiritual counselling
17:26As well as the bottle opener
17:29She's dressed
17:29It's the vicar's going to need the counselling
17:32If my Sheridan were here, he'd be appalled
17:35You'd better come, Hanson
17:37Calm her down
17:39She sometimes listens to you
17:41Well, it's most inconvenient
17:43When I'm mentally tuned to Iron Age studies
17:46But the vicar must be rescued
17:51Off you go, then!
17:54Richard and I will follow
17:57Go on, get the thing started
18:03Hurry up!
18:14My eccentric sister
18:16Likes to give the impression she's poor
18:18Very wise, I think
18:19Don't you, these days
18:20With so much burglary about?
18:28I wish Rosa to settle down
18:30And find her husband
18:32One of her own, I mean
18:33Not somebody else's
18:36I don't know where she gets
18:37These outrageous hormones
18:39I'm sure the rest of the family
18:41Are stable, hormone-wise
18:42I'll second that
18:44What an example to Sheridan
18:46And Ant who wears mini-skirts
18:50Must say, she's kept her figure
18:52I wish she would keep it
18:54And stop sharing it around
18:57Watch the bicycle
18:59I'm watching the bicycle
19:00There's a lorry coming, dear
19:01I've noticed that
19:02Sound your horn
19:03There's no need it to turn right
19:05For the cyclist
19:06Don't just go tearing past
19:08And surprising him
19:09Let him know we're coming
19:10Sound your horn
19:19They're my sisters
19:20I love them
19:22I just hope they don't offer us
19:24A cup of tea, that's all
19:26I like your Daisy
19:27She's a very generous, warm soul
19:30I like my Daisy
19:31I'm just not particularly fond
19:33Of her cracked mugs
19:35I like Rose, come to think of it
19:37Oh, we all know you like Rose, Richard
19:40All the male sex likes Rose
19:42That's her trouble
19:44She's another gentle soul, really
19:46She's just a bit mixed up
19:47Well, I will not have her
19:48Getting mixed up with our vicar
19:57Most people have a greenhouse
19:58In their garden
20:16Now, I want you to go in first, Richard
20:18And make sure Arnslow's got his shirt on
20:19No, he won't be wearing a shirt
20:21Then try to make sure he keeps his back to me
20:24Otherwise, it'll be like watching a bad Italian film
20:38Leave it, leave it
20:41Oh!
20:55Good job, good job
20:58You go on in, Richard
20:59And turn Arnslow to the wall
21:01How am I supposed to do that?
21:04Richard, you are retired now
21:06You have time to work these things out for yourself
21:18Rose, don't be silly
21:19You can't turn Buddhist
21:21I will not have you chanting mantras
21:24It'll wake Daddy
21:25Has she got a mantra?
21:26Has she got a mantra?
21:27Has she got a mantra?
21:28She's got the bottle opener
21:29That's what she has
21:32Rose, do stop being silly
21:34Let me in and let's talk this over
21:36Send Richard in
21:38I'll talk to Richard
21:39Why Richard?
21:40Because I want to give him my farewell letter to Edgar
21:43Well, push it under the door
21:45I can't
21:46It's 30 pages
21:49I'll volunteer
21:50I don't mind going in
21:51You stay where you are
21:53Now, Rose
21:54Stop being silly
21:55And come out here
21:56And we'll discuss things calmly
21:58Over a nice cup of tea
22:00It'll have to be a mug
22:03On second thoughts, Rose
22:05I don't mean a cup of tea at all
22:06I mean probably a small sherry
22:08Sherry?
22:09I can't believe things are that bad
22:12Haven't we got any vodka?
22:14Rose, I am your eldest sister
22:16And I insist you stop this nonsense immediately
22:19I'll expect you downstairs in five minutes
22:22And wear something warm
22:24Come on
22:28Five minutes
22:41Isn't the five minutes up yet?
22:43Yeah, three minutes ago
22:47It's all gone very quiet
22:48What's Rose doing?
22:50How should I know?
22:51There's not a sound of life up there
22:55Quick
22:57Over to you, Dickie
23:00Don't be careful
23:04Mind the dish?
23:05Yeah, mind my dish
23:08There you are, you see
23:09All these operations are quite simple
23:11If you stay alert
23:12And remember what you're doing
23:14Up you go, Richard
23:15Me?
23:16I thought you wanted to go up
23:18Richard
23:19How about you, Hansel?
23:21She's your sister-in-law
23:22She's yours as well
23:24Oh, yeah
23:27Move on, Richard
23:28Rose needs help
23:45Rose
23:48What can you see, Richard?
24:03Why did you let go of the ladder?
24:06Let go of the ladder
24:08Next time you fall, Richard
24:10Kindly make sure that you injure yourself
24:12In a more gentlemanly way
24:15There's been a miracle cure
24:17How do you mean?
24:18Rose just looked out of her window
24:20And saw your vicar coming up the street
24:24Richard, fetch the car
24:29I'll intercept the vicar
24:30Come on!
24:31Oh, oh, oh!
24:41OK, how nice to see you
24:44Glad I caught you, vicar
24:46Save your wasted trip
24:47My sister Rose is fully recovered
24:50Quite her old self
24:51Needs no attention
24:59Good afternoon
25:04Why is your husband walking like that, Mrs. Bucket?
25:07It's early retirement
25:08It affects the legs, you know
25:12Ah, well, all's well that ends, well
25:14You must be very busy, Vicar
25:16May we offer you a lift?
25:17No, no thank you, Mrs. Bucket
25:21I'll walk
25:22The exercise will do me good
25:31Thank goodness that's all over
25:43Keep it on the road, Richard
25:55See you in church, Vicar
25:56May I give you a hand, Vicar
26:06Hello, welcome to England
26:10Hello, welcome to England
26:13Hello, welcome to England
26:17Hello, welcome to England
26:22It's much more than fish and chips
26:23We've got chicks with a tits and a big filled lips
26:25Ballyed up kids and a RS6
26:27Big two fillies, four fillies with a kick
26:28Rise with more grips, little creep in your crib
26:30I smell bacon, I smell pigs
26:32Take the cash down, get into the whip
26:34Leeds roll racing, I'm feeling like Hamilton
26:35Weedroll's amazing, cops gang grabbing them
26:37Don't give a fuck in the truck and I'm ramming them
26:39Fuck no, West Yorkshire police, yeah, it's gunning them