- 21 hours ago
Hyacinth finds herself faced with one problem after another, all of which seem to centre around her family.
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00:06what's amusing you nothing you got rid of that young missionary very quickly no problem i sent
00:13him next door to hyacinth you didn't if anyone needs a little christian missioning it's hyacinth
00:23i know but think of the poor missionary
00:33the native drums are beating i think your father's thumping on the ceiling
00:53i should get a move on before he drops in on us
00:56it's your turn next time i'm expecting a phone call
01:02you've got four sire lashes on for a phone call
01:06you've got me pride
01:11i'm dying for a cigarette on slow
01:13is this new boyfriend a smoker no he's a fitness fanatic
01:18he's very muscular then smoke some muesli
01:23i'm not feeding you any more cigarettes till you get a boyfriend who smokes it's the only way i ever
01:27get him back
01:29he wants me to stop smoking i know the feeling
01:36what did he want
01:40he just started telling me and he fell asleep again
01:49well i think it's about time i was on my way
01:51now you mustn't feel you've failed because i've refused to purchase your pamphlets
01:55this is of course already a christian household
01:58i have no quarrel with anything you say
02:02it's more your tendency to brush against my walls
02:07i wasn't aware that i did brush against your walls
02:10now you're still very young
02:11and i quite understand that you lack the experience to realise that when the lord wants you to visit houses
02:17of this calibre
02:18he'll expect you to wear something more christian in the way of socks
02:24my hearty heathen
02:25well if you'll excuse me
02:29if as you insist
02:31only a few of us are going to be saved
02:34then socks like that may count against you
02:39one more word of advice
02:41i'm sure the lord would have no objection to your remarking on the quality of the furnishings
02:46you're sometimes privileged to enjoy
02:48my queen anne corner cabinet for instance
02:51is an exact replica of the one in sandringham house
02:54oh really
02:54well i would advise you to try and take notice of those things
02:57thank you
02:58i've only ever had to remove my shoes once before
03:00oh
03:01and that was in a mosque
03:03and then the sermon was shorter
03:10what does this remind you of hanslow?
03:13hard labour
03:16doesn't it remind you of those days when we used to walk out together pushing a plan?
03:21shouldn't talk like that in front of your father
03:24i mean i want to be reminded of why we had to bring the wedding forward
03:28he's asleep
03:30he's crafty he's not always asleep
03:32you used to look lovely with the pram
03:36the baby's little feet resting on your beer bottles
03:40can you stop going all soft and dreamy
03:43you're always going all soft and dreamy
03:45that was the main reason we ended up at the pram in the first place
03:51i can't really stop hyacinth
03:53oh you've time for a coffee dear
03:55it'll settle your nerves
03:57they're never bad until i get round here
04:00do sit down elizabeth
04:03no not there dear i like to face the window
04:09how's emmert?
04:10oh he's fine
04:11still keeping busy with his amateur operatic society?
04:15oh yes very busy
04:17do remind him that if ever he needs a voice in an emergency
04:21i shall be very happy to oblige
04:24that's very kind of you hyacinth
04:25i'll tell him
04:27i was always the musical one in the family
04:29if i hadn't married richard
04:31i think i might have made it my career
04:35sheridan used to love to hear his mummy sing
04:38even as a tiny child
04:40when i sang it could reduce him to tears
04:45know what you mean?
04:47it would unnerve some mothers how exceptional that boy is
04:51obviously destined for high places
04:54i just thank my lucky stars
04:55that he's blessed with a mother
04:57who will be well able to cope
04:59with the demands of his future positioning
05:01you know me elizabeth
05:04i could handle all his entertaining
05:06yes i'm sure you could hyacinth
05:09it must be a great comfort to him to know
05:12that however high he rises
05:14i shall be there beside him
05:16ready to take the social strain
05:18i'm prepared for it you see
05:20it's as if i've been in training all my life
05:23when the call comes
05:25i shall be there
05:29i know you prefer a beaker elizabeth
05:36you do get so nervous with my collectible child
05:41yes i do i really do
05:44i don't know why
05:45it never happens anywhere else
05:47oh no i'm much happier with a beaker
05:54i must give it another thought dear
05:57i'm not one to make a fuss
06:00however badly it marks anything
06:02we were thinking of changing the rug anyway
06:11the mccay residence
06:13the lady of the house speaking
06:15oh it's you violet
06:17it's my sister violet
06:19you remember
06:20the one with the large house
06:22the sauna
06:22and room for a pony
06:23i remember
06:24i'm just talking to elizabeth
06:26you remember
06:27the one who spills the coffee
06:29you sound excitable violet
06:31don't tell me you've scratched the mercedes again
06:35oh it's not the mercedes
06:36it's bruce
06:39well how long has he been up a tree
06:42oh boys are always climbing trees
06:46yes i know he's 53
06:47but they never really do
06:49i once caught richard playing with a frisbee
06:52he says it was one he'd found
06:54but i've never been sure
06:58sometimes on sleepless nights
07:00when my head's swimming with the responsibilities
07:02of organising another candlelight supper
07:06sometimes i wonder
07:07did he buy the frisbee
07:13now calm down violet
07:15have you asked him
07:16why he's sulking up a tree
07:20he wants to wear your evening dress
07:25up a tree
07:28oh he doesn't want to wear it up a tree
07:31he wants to go to a dance in it
07:36i'll be with you in a minute elizabeth
07:38if you take my advice
07:39you'll keep him up a tree
07:49how much longer are you going to be
07:51father wants to go into town
07:53don't hassle me when i'm working
07:56how much have you lost
07:58i hate the way you say that
08:01i'm struggling here
08:02trying to earn a decent living
08:03for you and your father
08:05and keep your rose in cigarettes
08:07well will you get a move on
08:08it's cold out there
08:10and father's getting restless
08:14you know what you've done now don't you
08:16you've ruined the essential concentration
08:19you've upset that delicate balance
08:21between the study of form
08:23and instinct
08:24he wants to go into town
08:26he's in a hurry for something
08:44oh nice
08:45i told you he was in a hurry
08:49teacher don't tell me you're busy
08:50this is an emergency
08:52help yourself to a biscuit elizabeth
08:55i want you to come home and take me to violets
08:58well can't you make some excuse to them
09:01it isn't as if i demand much from you richard
09:06no i can't speak any louder
09:08it's very embarrassing
09:09it's bruce on the loose again
09:12what's the problem with bruce now
09:16no i'm sorry hi i said for a moment
09:18i thought you said that bruce was up a tree
09:21oh he is up a tree
09:24what's he doing up a tree
09:25is he stuck
09:26if he's stuck you really want the fire service
09:28all right all right
09:30only couldn't you ask onslow to go and get him down
09:33onslow won't be in a meeting
09:35oh well it's no good saying that it's impossible
09:37to mix bruce and onslow socially
09:39they can manage for the time it takes to get down from a tree
09:44all right all right
09:46i i'll get away as quickly as i can
09:49well i thought i was speaking in a cooperative tone
09:53well i'll show you how sintha was meant to be a cooperative tone
09:55yes i'll get away as quickly as i can
10:03uh sorry sort of family trouble
10:17is anything wrong
10:20oh elizabeth
10:23no no everything's fine
10:26finished already dear
10:30apparently
10:31oh i'll make you another one dear
10:33this afternoon when i've got a little more time
10:35i've got your real
10:36oh well yes
10:38crisis in the family
10:39well i must be going
10:41oh no surely not
10:43no
10:43no
10:44not through the back door dear
10:46no
10:47oh good gracious me
10:48whatever kind of a friend would i be
10:50to send you creeping out through the back door
10:52no
10:55do you mind the back door housing
10:57but i do dear for my friends
11:02thank you for my coffee house
11:04oh not at all dear
11:05it's just a pity you're in a rush
11:08do look at the tourists on your way out dear
11:17come to think of it the tulips in the back garden are far superior
11:23they're darwin you know
11:24sheridan's dead but
11:25oh really
11:30now take your time
11:32sheridan talks to them for hours
11:37well go on ring the bell
11:39she's your sister you tell her
11:41it's your fault we lost him
11:43you tell her
11:44how come it was my fault
11:45you're the one that left him in the street
11:47because i had to go into the bookies looking for you
11:52i don't know what you're panicking for anyway
11:53because i've lost my father that's why
11:57when you turn up
11:58somebody will find him
12:00i mean who the hell's gonna keep your father
12:04daisy onslow
12:05how nice to see you
12:06what a lovely surprise
12:08onslow you must be freezing in just that fest
12:11this one
12:12no
12:12come on
12:14we can't have your tattoos exposed
12:17to the elements
12:18i'm boiling
12:19no no
12:21look at you
12:22you're a mass of goose pimples
12:24now where's the girl in the empty wheelchair
12:27funny you should say that
12:30so it's clear that the weight of opinion here
12:33is in favour of scheme b
12:34i'll go along with that
12:36well obviously what we have to do
12:37is start gathering as much support as possible
12:39it's not going to be that easy
12:41would you take that
12:42yeah
12:44the other scheme has it support us
12:46we've got a fight on our hands
12:47well one thing uh
12:48ah it's for richard
12:50well
12:50oh
12:50excuse me
12:56your wife again
13:00ah what is it hyacinth i said that i'd get away as quickly as i can
13:04oh it's not bruised this time then what is it
13:07well why would they arrive with an empty wheelchair
13:11oh i see
13:13does this cancel previous instructions
13:16right i'll see you at home
13:17well
13:18well i'm sorry if i didn't say goodbye properly last time
13:21i didn't intend
13:22not to say goodbye properly
13:25goodbye
13:29ah sorry
13:30another spot of family trouble
13:37well
13:37where my daddy have gone
13:39don't ask me
13:40i can't possibly think in this jacket
13:45you can see your face in this sink
13:48unfortunately
13:50i think it's terribly careless of you daisy to lose daddy
13:53nobody's perfect
13:55you can't keep them in if they want to roam
13:56we had a bull terrier who was just the same
14:00i don't think i care for that comparison answer
14:03it could and when we had him doctored
14:05or that one
14:08well we have to stop inviting the post woman
14:10now what condition was daddy in when you lost him
14:13asleep
14:14i gave him one of his pills
14:15you did
14:16so did i
14:17you didn't
14:18oh no wonder he was asleep
14:20or a daddy lost in his sleep
14:24in between going to sleep he's been a bit excitable all morning
14:28i think he had too much excitement last night
14:30at the senior citizens club
14:32what kind of excitement
14:37is it proper at daddy's age to be having excitement
14:40all i can say is he came home with a smile on his face
14:43a lot like we used to see on our bull terrier
14:48well i think we ought to find out
14:50if the senior citizens club have any idea where he is
14:55and leave those biscuits alone
14:59registry office
15:00well what makes you think that he's heading for the registry office
15:06well should he be proposing at the senior citizens club
15:10i thought all they did was to play bingo
15:13yes yes no as soon as i can
15:19i think i'd better uh
15:20yes i think you'd better
15:24another spot of uh
15:33are you going into town
15:35could you give me a lift it's rather urgent
15:37yes
15:37on both counts
15:38oh good thank you
15:41you said yes
15:43i don't believe it
15:45you said yes
15:46why didn't you say no
15:47you can't say no
15:49i can really
15:50i've done it
15:51look where you finished up
15:53divorced
15:55i'll just park around the front
15:58if you give her a lift
16:00she'll sing at me
16:01she won't sing at you
16:02she's in some kind of panic
16:07i'll get to the registry office
16:09you follow with the wheelchair
16:10have her take the jacket off now
16:12no
16:17she gets out if she sings at me
16:20where to hyacinth
16:21oh just to town dear
16:23a little personal business
16:25i won't bother you with
16:34oh isn't that richard
16:35outside the registry office
16:37no i shouldn't think so
16:38what on earth would richard
16:40be doing outside the registry
16:41office
16:42yes it is
16:43it's richard
16:45oh so it is
16:47oh i expect he's here
16:49on council business
16:51organising something
16:53you might as well put me down here
16:54thank you liz
17:10hey why you see
17:11she didn't sing at you
17:12i can feel her wanting to
17:14all the while she was in the car
17:16i can feel her suppressing it
17:19we ought to plan this a little
17:21let's not go in bald headed
17:23i don't think i care for your attitude richard
17:25you've no business to be so calm
17:28when some unscrupulous female
17:30is manoeuvring daddy to the steps of the altar
17:34oh can you give me a hand with him
17:36madam i will not lift a finger to assist you towards matrimony with this man
17:40he's in no fit condition to be
17:42let's not get excited
17:43i think he's just asleep
17:45you ought to be ashamed of yourself
17:48forcing daddy into marriage
17:49when you can see how uninterested he is in the demands of the flesh
17:53what is she talking about
17:55listen if it's all the same to you
17:56i ought to be getting back
17:57i had to leave a meeting
17:58but you can't go now richard
18:00i want you to prefer charges against this woman
18:03on what grounds
18:04kidnapping
18:06if i hadn't arrived in the nick of time
18:08you'd have whipped him away into wedlock
18:10oh what's the woman talking about
18:12madam i am the registrar
18:20i like you in the jacket on slow
18:22what this jacket
18:23any jacket
18:25you look smart
18:27don't go in greedy again
18:31he used to wear a jacket when we were courting
18:34everyone wore a jacket in those days
18:36even the scruffs wore jackets
18:38that's how you could tell they were scruffs
18:40they had holes in their jackets
18:43these days
18:45well
18:45you can't tell who's a scruff
18:48one hyacinth can tell
18:52if you were married to our hyacinth
18:54you'd always wear a jacket
18:56if i was married to your hyacinth
18:58i'd be wearing earplugs
19:02oh thank goodness
19:03just in time
19:04is he married
19:05of course he's not married
19:08he was asleep
19:09probably saving himself for the honeymoon
19:13you can do without remarks like that
19:15thank you honestly
19:16what was she like
19:18what was who like
19:19the bride-to-be
19:21she never turned up
19:23that's a bit casual
19:24missing your wedding day
19:26wheel the chair will you on slow
19:38don't give you on slow a hand
19:39take a turn with the wheelchair
19:41richard don't get too close
19:42i know they're the family
19:44and you know i love them dearly
19:45just in case any friends are passing
19:47i'd like just to keep
19:51it's nice to know
19:51that you love them anyway
19:53keep your voice down richard
20:04oh no
20:06can we give you a lift again
20:07oh great
20:09just get your father out
20:23i will not have on slow
20:25draping daddy over walls like this
20:27don't make a scene
20:29it should fit in there
20:31yeah it's all right
20:32this is very nice of you Liz
20:33i don't believe you met on slow and daisy
20:38just let's get into the car
20:40it's very nice of them to give us a lift
20:41but where to
20:42we can't let them take daddy to on slow's
20:45we can't let Liz and Emma
20:46see how daisy and on slow live
20:48there isn't room enough for all of us
20:50me and daisy will walk
20:53that's the nicest thing on slow's ever said
20:55you can have your jacket back now dicky
20:57no
20:59Richard wants you to keep it
21:01i said you i'd like you to keep it
21:04doesn't fit
21:06he looks smart enough
21:08don't lie
21:09he's going broody again
21:20just get your father in the car
21:22and let me go back to work
21:28what do you think of going back to work
21:30when on slow's thrown daddy over a wall
21:31hold on
21:34don't lie
21:34don't lie
21:39don't lie
21:49don't lie
21:57don't lie
21:59don't lieрен
22:01I never realised your father had rubber soles.
22:05He's not rubber soles.
22:07No wonder he keeps catching Mrs. Ferguson when she's hanging the washing out.
22:15He's a sound sleeper.
22:18It's simply wear and tear.
22:20Poor Daddy had a great mind in his day.
22:23He was much respected in musical circles.
22:29I expect that's where my gift comes from.
22:35Where to, Hyacinth?
22:37Where to, indeed?
22:39I often ask the same thing of Richard.
22:41Where are we going, Richard, I ask?
22:44Whither are we bound?
22:46And what does Richard say?
22:48Not a lot.
22:51I meant where to with your father, Hyacinth.
22:56Where do you want him dropping off?
22:58Oh, Daddy!
23:01Take the first right here.
23:03First right?
23:04Where are we going?
23:07We'll take him to Violet's.
23:09It's a more appropriate house.
23:12Daisy and Onslow can pick him up later.
23:23Thank you, Liz.
23:25That was very kind of you.
23:27Oh, look.
23:29There's Bruce's huge Mercedes.
23:34I'll get the wheelchair out.
23:46Richard, would you...
23:47Oh!
23:48I've just thought of something.
23:50Supposing Bruce is still up a tree?
23:53I've forgotten that.
23:55Oh, please don't let Bruce be up a tree.
23:58Richard!
23:59Would you get Daddy into the wheelchair
24:01and I'll just let Violet know that we're here?
24:03Don't rush!
24:18I can have to lend me your evening dress.
24:21This is my best evening dress.
24:24That's why I want it.
24:26Oh, why, Captain?
24:28I ain't going to go.
24:30There's nothing the matter with me.
24:45Oh, that's nice, boy.
24:48There.
24:49That's done it.
24:50Oh, well done.
24:52It's humiliating, Bruce.
24:55I only wear nice clothes.
24:57But they're women's clothes.
25:00That's a sexist remark.
25:03He's falling out.
25:05They're not really, it's just an impression he gives.
25:13I thought I heard a willow warbler.
25:18Did you hear a willow warbler?
25:20It's one of my absolutely all-time favourite songsters.
25:25It's a great favourite of Daddy's too when he's awake.
25:28The sister's clearly busy and there's no one at home.
25:31So there's not much point in hanging around.
25:34Come on, let's get Daddy into the car.
25:37That's it. There we go.
25:39Safely into the car.
25:42What was that?
25:43I told you, it's a willow warbler.
25:47It's the mating season.
25:51Now we must get Daddy into the car.
25:55I'd forgotten it was Tuesday.
25:58Violet's always busy on a Tuesday.
26:00She finds it so time-consuming being wealthy.
26:04Especially on a Tuesday.
26:05Don't hold Daddy in that position, Richard.
26:09I think what we'll do is to take Daddy in this direction.
26:12He's always like this direction.
26:15Hello, welcome to England.
26:18Hello, welcome to England.
26:22Hello, welcome to England.
26:25Hello, welcome to England.
26:31It's much more than fish and chips.
26:32We've got chicks with the tits and the big filled lips
26:34Ballied up kids and the RS6
26:35Big two fillies, small fillies with a kick
26:37Guys with more grips, little creep in your crib
26:39I smell bacon, I smell pigs
26:41Take the cash down, get into the whip
26:42Leeds roll waste and I'm feeling like Hamilton
26:44Weeco's amazing, Cropsy, I'm grabbing them
26:46Don't give a fuck in the truck and I'm ramming them
26:48Fuck the West Yorkshire, police here are spilling them