- 15 hours ago
Hyacinth is forced to intervene when Daddy overspends in a toy department, dresses up as a spaceman and proceeds to go on the rampage.
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00:09Try not to make a noise in the bathroom, dear.
00:14Did you say something?
00:16I said try not to make a noise in the bathroom, Richard.
00:20Was I making a noise?
00:21Look, I don't wish to dwell on it, dear, but it's always been a principle of mine that bathrooms should
00:26be seen and not heard.
00:36Onslow, what's limpid?
00:41What?
00:43What's limpid, as in he gazed into her limpid eyes? L-I-M-P-I-D.
00:52Limpid eyes?
00:53That's what it says here.
00:56Almost certainly a disease of the retina.
01:01Little scabs on the retina.
01:04You get it from reading too many library books and ignoring close relatives who are dying for a cup of
01:09tea.
01:11You made all that up, didn't you?
01:14You say that to me, a regular viewer of the Open University.
01:18You're full of flannel, Onslow.
01:20Ah, yes, but educated flannel.
01:22Flannel up to degree standard.
01:26Well, clearly you understand all this.
01:29And thank you for calling and trying to explain these intricate life insurance details.
01:35It's been a pleasure, madam.
01:36You've been a very patient consultant.
01:39Yes, indeed.
01:46I'm afraid most of it washes over me, but I shall check it all with my son, Sheridan.
01:51He's the wizard of detail.
01:53I did mention Sheridan, didn't I?
01:55Yes, ma'am.
01:56One of the most brilliant minds of his generation.
01:59And still not too proud to love his mummy.
02:03Yes, well, I must be going.
02:05I've got another appointment, you see.
02:06In fact, I should be there.
02:07He's at university, you know.
02:08I shall scrutinise it all with him.
02:10And if he says, yes, go ahead with the policy, then I shall, of course, be in touch with you.
02:16You're halfway there, really.
02:17Oh, thank you.
02:18I did enjoy our little chat.
02:20Though I've forgotten most of it, I have to admit.
02:22But not to worry.
02:24Sheridan will take me through it step by step.
02:31Come along.
02:31I thought you were in a hurry.
02:33I do like firms who employ people who wear hats.
02:37It's very reassuring to be solicited by a gentleman.
02:41Goodbye.
02:53Silly Billy, you nearly forgot your hat.
03:21Finance and general purposes.
03:23Oh, it's you, Hassan.
03:25No, of course I'm pleased to hear from you.
03:27I didn't mean it like that.
03:29It wasn't intended to be a critical tone, perhaps a small element of surprise.
03:34That's all.
03:36I'm sitting here buried under departmental printouts.
03:41You've had a nice young man selling you what?
03:43Well, do we need any more insurance?
03:46Well, why ask Sheridan?
03:48What does Sheridan know about?
03:50No, of course I'm not criticising Sheridan.
03:53Heaven forbid, but it's just that finance isn't really his gift.
03:59Or why is he taking needlework as a major subject?
04:04And should we be thinking about any more insurance when there's a possibility that I may have to take early
04:09retirement?
04:09Oh, ye gods.
04:12Early retirement.
04:17Richard?
04:20Richard, you've stopped listening.
04:22I can feel it.
04:30Oh, Elizabeth, dear.
04:32Do come in.
04:33I'm on the telephone.
04:34Oh, but don't let that worry you.
04:37I'm not stopping.
04:38I just wondered if there was anything you wanted from town.
04:40That's very kind of you.
04:43Just wait for a minute, will you, while I try to re-establish contact with my husband.
04:46Has he left the office?
04:47I think he's left the planet.
04:50It's the prospect of early retirement.
04:52But I've told him it's going to be wonderful for us to be able to spend so much more time
04:57together.
05:00Richard!
05:02Come back to us, Richard!
05:05He's not listening.
05:07There's one thing irritates me more than another.
05:09It's people not listening.
05:11Oh, you'll never guess who I saw this morning.
05:14Did you, dear?
05:14That's nice.
05:19Richard!
05:21Oh, I can't understand what's got into him.
05:24Other people remain calm about early retirement.
05:28Her brother-in-law, Armslow, has been taking it in his stride for years.
05:36Dad's gone off.
05:38What do you mean he's gone off?
05:40He's been past his sell-by date for years.
05:44He's not there.
05:45That's how he's gone off.
05:47He's not in his room.
05:48He's missing.
05:49Well, he's not a prisoner.
05:51We can't chain him up all day.
05:53I should think not.
05:54Make his poor old eyes grow limpid.
05:59You'd better find him before he gets up to some mischief that our hyacinth here's about.
06:04Why should he get up to any mischief?
06:05That's a rough guess, I'd say, because it's more fun than just sitting there playing with his pyjama cord.
06:12What are we going to do?
06:13If I ever get senile days, promise you'll not let me become a virtuoso on the pyjama cord.
06:20You'll never wear pyjamas.
06:23Isn't that uncanny?
06:26Education's a wonderful thing.
06:34Richard, I'm getting phone calls for you.
06:36People say your line's always busy.
06:41Richard, are you on the phone or not on the phone?
06:47Richard.
06:49Hmm?
06:50Is there still someone on the other end, or are you just holding it for display?
06:55Other end.
07:02Oh, my God.
07:04Hyacinth.
07:05She'll kill me.
07:06Hello, dear.
07:07I was just called away there for a minute.
07:09Hyacinth?
07:12She's hung up.
07:14Richard, are you all right?
07:16Of course, Frank.
07:16I'm fine.
07:18Fine.
07:34What's the matter with it?
07:36It won't go.
07:36That's what's the matter with it.
07:38Do something before Hyacinth comes out.
07:40I'm doing my best.
07:44It's too late.
07:46Now, don't let's have any unpleasantness.
07:48Just keep your temper.
07:49Having trouble?
07:51No.
07:52We're just sitting here, talking to the engine.
07:57I suppose it's bound to happen with these old cars.
08:01It's not that old.
08:02Temper.
08:04Temper.
08:04Oh, isn't it, dear?
08:06Well, I'm sure you should know.
08:09I've put the kettle on, so come in and ring your garage man, then have a coffee till he arrives.
08:16I knew she'd come out.
08:17Now, don't be unkind.
08:18She's invited you for coffee.
08:20I can't tell you with what bliss that fills me.
08:24Oh, God.
08:31Don't drop it.
08:33Now, this is the cup that was awarded to Sheridan for doing a width doggy paddle.
08:38He was only 12 at the time.
08:40Mind you, he was very tall for his age.
08:43We were holidaying for a fortnight on the Cornish Riviera.
08:46And this is the certificate that was presented to Sheridan for collecting seashells.
08:53He used to bring his mummy the prettiest ones.
08:56He still remembers all the Latin names.
08:58That must be very handy.
09:00And how's Sheridan doing at the Poly Hyacinth?
09:04It's university standard, you know.
09:07Brilliantly.
09:07Though he'd be very cross with me for telling you so.
09:10Like his mummy, he's modest to a fault.
09:13Has he got a girlfriend yet?
09:15No, he has not.
09:17He's there to study.
09:19I keep telling him,
09:20Sheridan, first carve out a brilliant career for yourself and then think about girls.
09:25The proper sort, of course.
09:27Someone like mummy.
09:28I shouldn't wonder.
09:31Oh, excuse me.
09:33That could very well be Sheridan now.
09:39The McKay residence, the lady of the house speaking.
09:42Oh, it's you, Violet.
09:44It's my sister, Violet.
09:46The one with her own Mercedes, swimming pool and room for a sauna.
09:51I've told you about Violet.
09:52Yes.
09:54Hello, Violet dear.
09:55How are you?
09:56I've got Elizabeth and Emmet here.
09:58You remember Elizabeth from next door?
10:01Her husband works abroad somewhere, one of those Arab countries.
10:05Yes, you've met her at one of my candlelight suppers.
10:07She drops things.
10:11She's here with her brother, Emmet.
10:13He's divorced, but I can't imagine why he plays the piano so beautifully.
10:19Yes, he's very musical.
10:22He runs the local amateur operatic society.
10:26No, he hasn't talked me into it yet.
10:33That's enough of my gossip, dear.
10:35How are you?
10:37Oh, my word.
10:41Violet's Bruce is opening new offices.
10:44Oh, really?
10:48Violet thinks Bruce will probably be made president of his local association.
10:54Oh.
10:57Violet thinks Bruce is having an affair with...
11:07Mrs. Ocultry.
11:09Violet, how do you know he's having an affair, dear?
11:12Now, look, you can't ruin a perfectly good marriage
11:15and jeopardise your Mercedes
11:18on account of some unfounded suspicions.
11:21Lipstick on his jacket.
11:22But, I mean, he could have just brushed accidentally past...
11:26on his pyjama jacket.
11:29Well, he should be glad he was wearing pyjamas.
11:33What do you mean I should see what he's wearing now?
11:37He's dressed as a jockey
11:39riding about on a horse called Thunderbolt.
11:42Now, look, Violet, dear,
11:43I know he's a turf accountant,
11:45but is it really necessary to do his own advertising?
11:49Couldn't he get somebody else
11:50to dress as a jockey and ride about on Thunderbolt?
11:54What about that secretary?
11:55She seems to be willing to take on extra duties.
11:59Sorry, dear, I was only trying to be helpful.
12:08Who's going to tell her?
12:09You tell her you're the eldest.
12:11She's the eldest?
12:12I'm only the second eldest.
12:14Well, there you are, then.
12:15I'll tell her.
12:17You'll be too blunt.
12:19Are you suggesting I lack tact?
12:21Because I love you.
12:22It doesn't blind me to your faults.
12:26What faults?
12:27Oh, come on, let's get it over with.
12:42I should have tidied up.
12:44You look all right to me.
12:47Oh, on slow.
12:58Well, now you've finished your coffee,
12:59you'll be wanting to get back to your broken car.
13:04Don't let me entertain you.
13:06No!
13:06Not that way.
13:08No, I think we'll go out through the back door.
13:10It makes a change.
13:12You mustn't be lazy again, arse man.
13:16And I'll show you when.
13:17I think I've seen a wren.
13:18I'm sure it was a wren.
13:19I said to Richard, Richard, that's a wren.
13:26You know what I think?
13:28I think she doesn't want us in.
13:30Did you get the impression she doesn't want us in?
13:34Well, don't stand there.
13:35Come in.
13:36She doesn't want us in.
13:39Really wants us in.
13:41Where did you park the car?
13:43Oh, nice and close, I see.
14:03Now, mind the walls.
14:05Keep on slow off my walls.
14:07I remember the last time how he came off on my wallpaper.
14:10Mind the walls, Onslow.
14:11Oh, nice.
14:12Do we look like somebody who comes off on wallpaper?
14:15What's that musical neighbour of yours?
14:17The one that's divorced?
14:19Mr Hawksworth, he's fine.
14:21He must be lonely.
14:23I bet he needs somebody sympathetic.
14:26With limpid eyes.
14:30Would you all like a coffee?
14:32Haven't you got anything stronger?
14:34Onslow, you're driving.
14:35We'd love a coffee.
14:37You'll have a beaker, of course, Onslow.
14:39Of course.
14:41Tell her.
14:41You tell her.
14:43Well, one of you tell her.
14:44He's your father.
14:45Daddy.
14:46What's wrong with Daddy?
14:47A mixture of expensive tastes and second childhood.
14:51He's all right.
14:52He's perfectly happy.
14:54Poor Daddy.
14:55One's such a brilliant mind.
14:57When?
15:00He sneaked out this morning and went shopping.
15:03Good gracious.
15:04We can't begrudge Daddy a little personal shopping.
15:07Tell her what they said he spent.
15:10Tell her what they said he spent.
15:13They phoned.
15:15Look at this.
15:19He spent all this in the toy department.
15:22Two hundred and thirty-five quid.
15:28That's why we came to you, Hyacinth.
15:30We can't afford it on our own.
15:32Where's Daddy now?
15:33Still in the toy department.
15:36They're keeping him as security.
15:40I'd let them keep him.
15:42He'll be happy in the toy department.
15:45I will not have Daddy imprisoned in the toy department.
15:48Why can't they just take their toys back?
15:50Some fool lent him a screwdriver.
15:53He's been improving a few.
16:01Yes, yes, the toy department.
16:03But couldn't it wait until lunchtime?
16:05All right, all right.
16:06I'll be there.
16:08Yes, with my checkbook.
16:09But, Hyacinth, can I just ask you one question?
16:13Why does your father need a spaceman's outfit?
16:19It was a perfectly reasonable question.
16:28Are you having trouble with the car?
16:30No, it's all right, Onslow.
16:31The man from the garage is on his way.
16:33I'll be waiting all day for him.
16:35No, Onslow, Onslow.
16:37We can drop you in town if you want a lift.
16:39That's very good of you.
16:40Oh, well, thank you.
16:42Are you sure there'll be enough room?
16:44Oh, there'll be enough room.
16:59Oh, that's the dogs.
17:01Oh, looks like I'm going to have to sit on someone's knee.
17:16Oh, if I'm too heavy, just wriggle a bit.
17:22Are we all set, then?
17:24Right.
17:24Hold on to your braces.
17:26Here we go.
17:52Daddy?
17:54Daddy?
17:55Daddy?
18:02what if it's not daddy
18:09you all comfy in the back
18:12very snug thank you
18:15I'm not terribly comfy
18:18soon be there
18:21sorry about that
18:22I think my suspension's gone
18:25it's a good job
18:35he went that way
18:36with an accomplice
18:37call the police
18:48you're going to wear a mask
18:55where would you like to be put
18:56down Elizabeth
19:01here if you like
19:02I can pull in here
19:10oh I think I've got Mr. Leto's stop
19:18I enjoyed the ride
19:22it was interesting
19:24we must do that again sometime
19:27get in the car Rose
19:32well thank you Onslow
19:34no problem
19:35I should take Emmett for a cup of tea
19:38he looks a bit over-rosed
19:44at least I'm not heavy
19:47maybe not but I bet you've left a lasting impression
19:51oh do let's get on
19:53perhaps some important business to attend to
20:02all the while I was married I don't believe I ever felt as close to anyone as that
20:06you certainly didn't seem to be struggling
20:10well I couldn't actually leave
20:12I was a guest in the car
20:14do you want a cup of tea
20:17no
20:18I think something's stronger
20:32there you are
20:33isn't that your counsellor friend Mrs. Nugent
20:38oh yes sir it did is
20:43I'll get out this side
20:48wait here
20:49I can't I'm on a yellow line
20:51well then drive round the block
20:52and then you can take daddy home
20:53when we've sorted things out
21:17this is Councillor Nugent
21:19thank you driver
21:21good morning
21:22why are you wasting money on cabs
21:26oh
21:26you know how husbands commandeer the car
21:29damn expensive waste of money
21:31except my sister Violet of course
21:34who has her own Mercedes
21:35I've told you about my sister Violet
21:38I have a bicycle
21:39I believe in the therapeutic value of the bicycle
21:42my son Sheridan was a keen cyclist
21:45it's partly to that that we attribute his brilliant mind
21:49are you going into the store
21:51no I'm just looking
21:53oh well I'll be off then
21:56give my regards to your busy husband
21:58and I hope you'll come to one of my candlelight supper sometime
22:02bring me a bicycle
22:03goodbye
22:05one second folks
22:07there's no harm in having a look round
22:09oh I suppose not
22:11you might find something to interest you
22:23that was a damn short visit
22:25what are you doing woman
22:27didn't you hear the fire alarm
22:29I didn't hear a blasted thing
22:30I didn't see Mark either
22:44tennis elbow
22:53ah the alarm stopped
22:55what alarm
22:56I think it's all clear now
22:59these doors
23:04they're all going now
23:07oh sunglasses
23:09now you try these
23:10trust me
23:11I have an instinct for these things
23:13wear sunglasses
23:14well you should
23:15they're absolutely you
23:17I can't see a damn thing
23:24where's the woman gone
23:25Mrs Bucket
23:28don't buy these madam
23:30no I don't want to buy these madam
23:41good morning
23:52that's better
23:53I hate it when my back goes
23:57it's all right
23:58I've explained everything
23:59and I've paid the check
24:02if there's anything else
24:03your father needs
24:04from the toy department
24:05we shall be only too happy
24:08thank you
24:08Richard
24:11take me home
24:12dear
24:12I've had a terrible day
24:13if my Sheridan were here
24:15he'd be appalled
24:29now where's daddy
24:30I thought you were happy
24:32no
24:41put him in Onslow's car
24:48come on daddy
24:49back to moon base one
25:00poor daddy
25:02to think he was once secretary
25:04of his firm sports and social club
25:06I knew that
25:07oh yes
25:08a very good slow bowler
25:10in his day
25:11well he's not too bad
25:12with a laser
25:14given the educational opportunities
25:16available today
25:18I believe daddy would have risen
25:20to be something quite famous
25:21well if he carries on like this
25:23he is going to be quite famous
25:25I could have been very proud
25:26of daddy
25:27I still am
25:28of course
25:29of having to live with us
25:31but he's unreliable
25:32in the bathroom
25:37where are you going now?
25:39I wish you wouldn't argue Richard
25:42why do you always start an argument?
25:45hello welcome to England
25:48hello welcome to England
25:52hello welcome to England
25:55hello welcome to England
25:59hello welcome to England
26:00it's much more than fish and chips
26:02we've got chicks with a tits
26:03and a big filled lips
26:04ballied up kids and a RS6
26:05big two fiddies
26:06more fiddies with a kick
26:07eyes with more grips
26:08little creep in your crib
26:09I smell bacon
26:10I smell pigs
26:11take the cash down
26:11get into the whip
26:12Leeds roll racing
26:13I'm feeling like Hamilton
26:14Weegros amazing
26:15crops gang grabbing them
26:16don't give a fuck
26:17in the truck and I'm ramming them
26:18follow West Yorkshire
26:19police here
26:19they're standing in the