- 11 hours ago
Hyacinth is thrilled when the wealthy Mrs Fortescue asks for a lift into town, but unfortunately things don't go to plan - as always for Hyacinth.
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00:27Listen to that!
00:41Do you think it's wise to appear outside scantily dressed, Elizabeth?
00:53Scantily dressed?
00:54This robe's like an army overcoat.
00:56It's just that with so many degenerates about...
01:00I thought I might just risk not finding one on my own doorstep.
01:03Oh yes, I suppose you'd be alright.
01:07Elizabeth plays beautifully.
01:09Yes, he does, doesn't he?
01:12I do love Mendelssohn.
01:15It's Chopin, I think.
01:18Oh yes, of course, Chopin.
01:23Some fool walking past said it was Mendelssohn.
01:27You see, not only degenerates, but musical ignoramuses as well.
01:33Ignoramii.
01:34I am.
01:38Onslow.
01:40Ah.
01:42Why don't you grow a moustache?
01:52Do you want a moustache?
01:54Why don't you grow a moustache?
01:59I'd just like some little sign you were trying to exert some attraction over me, Onslow.
02:05A woman likes to be wooed.
02:08She should live in an atmosphere that crackles with sexual tension.
02:21Oh!
02:23The bouquet residence.
02:26The lady of the house speaking.
02:29Oh, Mrs Fortescue.
02:32It's Mrs Fortescue.
02:34Who?
02:36The old lady whose sister married a baronet.
02:38She's virtually aristocracy.
02:40She once injured you with her walking stick in church.
02:43Oh, that Mrs Fortescue.
02:45Ah, yes, of course, Mrs Fortescue.
02:47As it happens, we are going into town.
02:50We are?
02:50We'd be delighted to give you a lift.
02:52Hyacinth.
02:54I expect her chauffeur's indisposed.
02:56Now, wear your better suit, Richard.
02:58No, there won't be any problem, I do assure you.
03:01I'm not so certain that she's going to be waving that walking stick around.
03:05Yes, you have met my husband.
03:07I believe you caught him once in church.
03:13Oh, Rick.
03:15I think our Rose is home.
03:18It must be time to get up.
03:29How can you lie there when I've been betrayed and abandoned?
03:34Have you no sympathy for a person's needs at a time of acute personal trauma?
03:40Oh, I must have a fag.
03:44Oh, give us a fag, Uncle.
03:47I've been betrayed and abandoned.
03:50Oh!
03:52Oh!
03:53Oh!
03:53Oh!
03:53Give us a cigarette!
04:03Now, show me how you intend to greet Mrs Fortescue, who has chosen us, remember, above all her acquaintances, blessed
04:09with their own transport.
04:11Now, show me.
04:15Ah, good morning, Mrs Fortescue.
04:17No, no, Richard.
04:20It's too tentative, dear.
04:22You must make her realise at once that you're a power in local authority circles.
04:27Now, try it again, dear.
04:31Well, couldn't I just say good morning, Mrs Fortescue, and wear a large label saying powerful in local authority circles.
04:37I don't think that's very amusing, dear.
04:40I hope you're not going to spoil things with lower-middle-class humour.
04:44Now, conversation.
04:46What do you usually talk about in the car?
04:49Well, I think you'll find that usually you talk and I listen.
04:55Then let's not tamper with a winning system.
05:00What on earth is Hyacinth doing?
05:03You could pop outside and find out.
05:05I don't go out there.
05:07The minute she sets eyes on me, she begins to sing.
05:10I think she's after a part in your amateur operatic group.
05:13Knowing Hyacinth, it wouldn't be a part.
05:15It would be the part.
05:17That's true.
05:20What the devil is she doing?
05:25Close the door.
05:30I'll go to the front door.
05:33No, no, no, dear.
05:35Shoulders back.
05:37Head high.
05:39No, don't be silly, dear.
05:41That's a bit better, yes.
05:43In case anybody's watching.
05:45That's what worries me.
05:47I don't mean here.
05:49I mean it Mrs Fortescue's.
05:51Oh.
05:52She might be peering through her window waiting for us to arrive.
05:56So I'm at the door.
05:57Now what?
05:58Ring the bell.
06:01Oh, go on.
06:02Ring the bell.
06:05Oh, no.
06:06Not like that, Richard.
06:08That was almost a tradesman's ring.
06:10Keep the index finger straight.
06:15For my sake, Richard, please practice your ring.
06:19It should be firm but friendly.
06:22Now let's move along.
06:24You will take Mrs Fortescue gently by the elbow.
06:31And escort her to the car.
06:33Taking care to avoid her walking stick.
06:36I'm sure it was just an accident with the walking stick.
06:39She's lethal with that.
06:40You're fencing lock will be open.
06:42You're fencing lock.
06:47Oh.
06:48esimerk I justlincha if you are at work.
06:55You're fencing lock.
07:01You, the Queen.
07:03Oh.
07:04Oh.
07:06Hey, with little ladyviticus.
07:09I told you.
07:15I told you.
07:17The bouquet residence, the lady of the house speaking.
07:25Oh, it's you, Violet.
07:28It's Violet.
07:29Make my excuses to Elizabeth and Emmet.
07:32Tell them it's my wealthiest sister, you know,
07:33the one who married the turf accountant.
07:35Large house, swimming pool, room for a pony.
07:39Now, Violet, I haven't got long to chat, dear.
07:42I'm going into town with a relative of a baronet.
07:45She does rather rely on me, yes.
07:48What's wrong with your husband, dear?
07:51Whims and fancies.
07:53They all have their whims and fancies.
07:56In what way is Bruce going strange?
08:03Well, I'm sorry, Violet, but I thought for a moment there
08:06that you said he wanted you both to dress up as Robin Hood
08:08and Maid Marian.
08:10Yes.
08:12Oh, he does want you both to dress up as Robin Hood and Maid Marian.
08:17What do you mean I haven't heard the worst part?
08:21He wants to be Maid Marian.
08:26We turn left here.
08:28I know we turn left here.
08:29Well, I own the right gear, dear.
08:32What should you prefer?
08:33Hmm?
08:35Now, watch the cyclist.
08:37I'm watching the cyclist.
08:40She shouldn't be riding a bicycle wearing skirts short as that.
08:45Keep your eyes on the road, dear.
08:48Well, you just told me to watch the cyclist.
08:53Just watch the road, dear.
08:56What did Violet have to say?
08:57This puts you in such a mood.
08:59What?
09:00To be your sister on the phone.
09:02What's the problem?
09:04Ah, it's Bruce.
09:06He's going off again.
09:08Where to this time?
09:09Tenerife.
09:11Sherwood Forest, by the sound.
09:14Watch the road, dear.
09:16Why Sherwood Forest?
09:19He wants her to play Robin Hood.
09:24He's still taking the tablets, is he?
09:30It's a beautiful property.
09:34Her late husband was extremely fortunate in business.
09:40Don't forget to compliment her on her shrummery.
09:42I'll be as nice as you like, as long as she doesn't attack me with that stick.
09:47It's up to you to keep an eye on the walking stick.
09:50She is an old lady.
09:51She's a damned agile old lady.
09:59Perhaps I should stay in the car.
10:03No, no.
10:04Perhaps I should meet her at the door.
10:10Then again, I don't want to look too eager.
10:12Perhaps I should stay in the car.
10:15No, no, no.
10:17I think the best thing is for you to ring the bell.
10:20And when she answers the door, she'll find me admiring her garden.
10:26A subtle compliment, without going too far.
10:31As you tie, all right.
10:36Now show me your smile.
10:37What?
10:38Your smile.
10:40Show me the smile with which you will greet her at the door.
10:44Oh, good grief, I see.
10:46Now don't be obstructionist.
10:47Show me your smile.
10:53You'll have to do better than that.
10:56Sometimes I can understand the desire to get away from it all and play Robin Hood. I really...
11:05Well, go on.
11:06Go and ring the bell.
11:12I've got to find some way of finding out if he loves me.
11:16He says he does, but you know what liars men are.
11:20Do you think I should wear me hair in a bun?
11:24If he idolizes me like he says, how come I caught him right snugly round Mrs. Bailey?
11:32Also, do you think I should put me hair up in a bun?
11:35Yeah, great.
11:36You don't even know what I said.
11:38Yeah, great.
11:40See?
11:41How can you tell if somebody really loves you?
11:43I mean, really loves you.
11:45I mean, wakes up in the middle of the night in a panic because she might be dead.
11:50Has visions of you lying in your coffin.
11:55In something black and attractive.
12:00They don't even notice if you put your hair up in a bun.
12:03Oh, I've got to know if he loves me.
12:06Does he love you smoking other people's cigarettes?
12:10Bob off on slow.
12:11Oh, nice.
12:18Smile.
12:22Good morning, Mrs. Portescue.
12:24What?
12:26Good morning, Mrs. Portescue.
12:30Your garden's looking lovely.
12:32It was.
12:34It was.
12:35It was him ringing the bell.
12:37Help Mrs. Portescue to the car, Richard.
12:43What are you doing?
12:45You wanted a lift into town, Mrs. Portescue.
12:48A lift?
12:49In the car.
12:55I don't need you to carry me.
12:56Oh, no.
13:07Could you help me with Mrs. Portescue, how I said?
13:10I'm coming.
13:11I'm coming.
13:13What's she doing in the bushes?
13:17No, Richard.
13:20Mrs. Portescue must take my seat in the front.
13:25Oh, thank you.
13:25But I always prefer to be in the back with drivers I haven't travelled with before.
13:30Hello.
13:32I'll get away.
13:39Mind what you're doing, Richard?
13:43She's lethal with that stuff.
13:46Try to be sociable, dear.
13:53How are you keeping, Mrs. Portescue?
13:56Bored.
13:57Since I took away my licence.
13:59Interfering damn fools.
14:01I know what you're thinking.
14:03It wasn't drink and driving.
14:05I'm sure we wouldn't be thinking that, Mrs. Portescue.
14:10What was it, Mrs. Portescue?
14:12Speeding.
14:15I'm surprised it wasn't green as bodily harm.
14:23Watch the car at the curb, dear.
14:25I'm watching the car at the curb.
14:27And take the next left.
14:28Take the next left.
14:29No!
14:30Not left.
14:32Go straight on.
14:34Go straight on.
14:35I thought left might be a more attractive route, Mrs. Portescue.
14:39Go straight on.
14:42Go straight on.
14:47How fast is he going?
14:50Only 28 miles an hour, Mrs. Portescue.
14:53Good grief.
14:54Can't he put his clog down?
14:58I'd love you to attend one of my candlelight suppers, Mrs. Portescue.
15:04Candlelight what?
15:06Suppers!
15:07Have they cut off your electricity?
15:10I think subdued lighting makes a statement, don't you?
15:14I'd like to see what I'm eating.
15:16I can't be deaf.
15:18Damn it if I want to go blind.
15:24Watch where you're driving, dear.
15:26Slow down.
15:30Are we stopping?
15:32Don't slow down, Richard.
15:35I've got to see.
15:35There's a learned driver trying to turn right.
15:47All right, Gibby.
15:49How's it going?
15:51Who was that?
15:52Who was what?
15:54That man your husband was waving at.
15:56Oh, he wasn't waving, Mrs. Portescue.
15:58He was just signalling a turn.
16:01Much more of this than I think I'll have a turn.
16:04Oh, dear.
16:06Didn't look like anyone I'd expect you to know.
16:09I'm very perceptive of you to recognise that, Mrs. Portescue.
16:19I'm going to tackle him face to face.
16:21I don't know why you need me with you.
16:23I need a witness.
16:24You could have given me time to do something with me hair.
16:27Nobody's got that much time.
16:31I'm going to have it out with him once and for all.
16:34I'm going to find out how much he really cares.
16:36You can't embarrass him while he's at work, asking him if he loves you.
16:40Well, it'd embarrass him even more if I asked him at home.
16:43His wife would be listening.
16:46Is that Richard's car?
16:48Oh, good.
16:49Oh, he can give us a lift.
16:51Isn't that Daisy and Rose?
16:53It is. It's Daisy and Rose.
16:56Don't stop.
16:57It's as though they want a lift.
16:59Don't stop.
17:01We'll have to stop. They've seen us.
17:04We can't cram them in the back with Mrs. Portescue.
17:07Oh, we'll manage.
17:10Oh, we'll manage.
17:13Are there people you know?
17:16Well, the...
17:17You wouldn't find them at my candlelight suppers.
17:27She dragged me out. She wants a witness.
17:30I didn't have time to do my hair.
17:33Shove up, Rose.
17:35Would you shove up, please?
17:37How far are you going?
17:39That's what I intend to ask Mr. Halliwell.
17:44Don't you find love a torment?
17:48Well, I...
17:49I can't say I have for the past few years.
17:53Maybe I should have worn my hair in a bun.
18:01I love that man totally.
18:04Every Wednesday.
18:07You shouldn't be interested in your romantic affairs, Rose.
18:10On the contrary, it's fascinating.
18:15You've a right to know where you stand.
18:17You've a right to know if he loves you.
18:20Stop!
18:23You know what?
18:25Look, there's a pub up ahead.
18:27If I'm going to be a witness to one of our Rose's big scenes,
18:30then I want a stiffener.
18:32We can't possibly find time to...
18:34Of course we can.
18:35The girls need a stiffener.
18:37And after hearing that slice of poor Rose's life,
18:40so do I.
18:42You've heard Mrs. Portescue, Richard.
18:45She needs a stiffener.
19:01Oh.
19:03Are you all right, Mrs. Portescue?
19:05You're all right.
19:06Thank you, Mrs. Portescue.
19:08Oh, goody-o.
19:12Oh, thank you.
19:17Isn't this Onslow's bicycle?
19:20Huh?
19:21Oh, goody-o.
19:24Yes, why not.
19:25Let it be Onslow's bicycle.
19:28Richard!
19:31in return rescue mrs fortescue me you know i never go into public houses
19:37just go in there and help the woman out she's practically been kidnapped
19:42i'll wait in the car i'd like her to see that there is at least one member of this family
19:47who's above frequenting public houses now go on go on
20:00oh just the lamp i'll see you again i'm not stopping onslaught i'm supposed to rescue mrs
20:05fortescue you're back with the stick he's fine he always wears beautiful trousers and the first
20:13thing i noticed about him was his trousers to anyone who knows our rose this will come as no
20:18surprise shut your face onslaught this is onslaught my husband onslaught this is your husband big
20:26isn't it and awkward onslaught mrs fortescue thinks i should wear me hair in a bun great
20:58you're not so much
21:01you're not so much
21:04you're not so much
21:07I've never known anyone quite so instantly passionate as Mr. Heliwell
21:12My husband was never all that passionate
21:16Onslow's a bit slipshod passion-wise
21:19I thought it was the real thing this time
21:22Understandably
21:23As a token of his genuine affection
21:26He bought me a set of naughty underwear
21:29Really?
21:32I can't think of the last time Onslow bought me any underwear
21:37Listen, I really must be getting back to the highest
21:39She's fine
21:40I've just seen her chatting to some bloke with an empty tray
22:21I see her
22:29No
22:32Oh, no.
22:34Not Mrs Barker-Finch.
22:38Come on.
22:40Get off.
22:40Get off it.
23:00At last.
23:08Clear off.
23:30Sorry.
24:19What's going on?
24:22Silver.
24:24Red, stop.
24:26Silver, I wish you a light.
24:39No, no, no.
24:46I wish you a light.
24:48I wish you a light.
24:51Silver!
24:54Silver!
24:54Bell!
24:57Stop!
25:02Stop!
25:05Stop!
25:06Stop!
25:16Lovely fish!
25:23Where have you been?
25:26I bumped into two ladies, I know.
25:28You look as if you did. What happened to you?
25:31Now, look, if we're going to indulge in personal criticism, straighten your tie.
25:36And what about poor Mrs Fortescue? Why haven't you rescued her?
25:40Come and see for yourself.
25:51What are you drinking, Iacin?
25:53A very large whisky.
25:56Oh, nice.
26:02You have very interesting relatives, Mrs Buckets.
26:07Yes, okay.
26:11Yes, they are.
26:12Very interesting.
26:22You see, our fruits.
26:25Keep your eyes on the road, then.
26:28Hello, welcome to England.
26:32Hello, welcome to England.
26:35Hello, welcome to England.
26:39Hello, welcome to England.
26:42Hello, welcome to England.
26:43Hello, welcome to England.
26:44It's much more than fish and chips.
26:45We've got chicks with the tits and the big filled lips.
26:47Ballyed up kids and the RS6.
26:49Big two fillies, small fillies with a kick.
26:50Eyes with more grips, little creep in your crib.
26:52I smell bacon, I smell pigs.
26:54Take the cash down, get into the whip.
26:56Leeds road racing, I'm feeling like Hamilton.
26:58Weegros amazing, crops, yeah, I'm grabbing them.
26:59Don't give a fuck in the truck and I'm ramming them.
27:01Fuck the West Yorkshire police here.