- 2 hours ago
Hyacinth is not looking forward to Onslow's birthday celebrations, but news that a limousine awaits her and Richard to take them to the proceedings soon changes her mind.
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00:03Is that the waterboard?
00:05Then I'd like to speak to someone in charge.
00:08My name is Bouquet.
00:11Yes, I'll spell it.
00:12B-U-C-K-E-T.
00:15No, it's Bouquet.
00:18I want whoever you've got there in a managerial capacity.
00:22Well, it could be an emergency.
00:24I'm not sure that's what I want to find out.
00:27Yes, I'll wait.
00:30Oh.
00:33Hello?
00:35No, it's Bouquet.
00:39Now, I didn't say it was an emergency.
00:42Well, how am I to recognise if it's an emergency?
00:45That's what I expect you to tell me.
00:48What do you mean it's my water?
00:51That's the very point. Is it my water?
00:54When I turned on my tap this morning, it didn't look like my water.
00:58It's not as bright and sparkling as I'm accustomed to.
01:01It looks to me as if it's been used.
01:07Are you changing my supply?
01:09Because if you are, I shall want a detailed explanation of where it comes from.
01:13Now, please don't take that tone with me.
01:16I expect my former water to be restored immediately.
01:21A bathroom with gold-plated taps is no place for you to be trying to offload second-hand water.
01:28I must warn you, my husband is a power in local authority, a man at the height of his executive
01:33skills, and I shall have no hesita...
01:37Hello?
01:40Hello?
01:42Hello?
01:43Upstart plumber.
01:50We're going to have to ask our hyacinth to your birthday party, Onslow.
01:54Oh, nice.
01:56Well, if we're having a family get-together tomorrow, we can't not invite our hyacinth.
02:01Happy birthday, Onslow.
02:04Maybe she can't come.
02:06She'll come.
02:07I know she'll come.
02:08I have this terrible feeling she'll come.
02:14You've got to think of something, Richard.
02:17I have a feeling that they're going to invite us to celebrate Onslow's birthday.
02:21Now, I don't want to upset them, but you know what it's going to be like.
02:25Bunfight at the OK Corral.
02:28Now, I know that Daisy is planning to take him to some restaurant for lunch,
02:33but if it's Onslow's choice, we're going to be knee-deep in chips and sauce bottles in the first five
02:37minutes.
02:39Look, you've got to get me out of it now.
02:43But this is important. It's very important, Richard.
02:47I can't believe you're so busy that you've got to go this instant.
02:50And I wish you'd stopped whispering, dear.
02:52I do have to go, Highson.
02:55I'm not being obstructed.
02:57The committee's waiting.
02:58I'm in a meeting.
03:00I'll ring you back.
03:06Sorry.
03:08Sorry.
03:10Sorry, sir.
03:11Family emergency.
03:26tony
03:27One day
03:28tony
03:30Tastes
03:31The thread of smoke
03:33Lovely morning, Emmert.
03:35Do bring Elizabeth in for coffee.
03:38I'm very busy, Hartin.
03:40You don't look busy.
03:43I think we've got a mole.
03:47oh how tiresome I'll put the kettle on the phone I think I can hear the phone
03:57it's a call I've been expecting it means I'm gonna have to pop into town for a
04:01while and I'm gonna miss your delicious coffee heart since oh damn oh what a
04:06pity ah there's my telephone now that could be a really important call the
04:19bouquet residence the lady of the house speaking oh it's you Daisy
04:30of course we'd love to come to Onslow's birthday party
04:34I'm kind of you to invite us dear I know that Richard will be delighted where is
04:40it dear a surprise oh well that that that that that's nice but it's one of Onslow's
04:51favorite places I can't wait you can leave the car at home then Richard can have a
05:00drink well our Rose's gentleman friend will pick you up what sort of cars he got
05:06I know what sort of cars he's got you needn't worry it's a big car he's not
05:13without means it's a huge limousine you won't be disappointed Mr. Marinopolis has
05:21his own business look he's not short of a bob or two I don't just go out with rubbish you
05:26know
05:28is she coming she's coming she's coming oh nice only a year old we've got a meal
05:34with hyacinth don't be miserable just make the best of it it's your birthday
05:41I hate birthdays we'll have to get a babysitter for me dad she'll pop in from next door I'll tell
05:47you
05:48what I'll babysit your dad even talking rubbish he makes more sense than your eyes
05:53listen we'll sit you next to Richard you like Richard how can you not like Richard you just
06:01feel so sorry for him the man in the iron mask we've all heard the recommendations and it's obvious
06:11on which side the weight of opinion lies that being the case I'm going to make the following
06:16proposition firstly I think we should would someone get that ah it's for you Richard what's your wife
06:29again what is it this time right I'll meet you at lunchtime but I'm very glad that Rose has got
06:44a
06:44wealthy Greek boyfriend but hi I said I'm in a meeting another family emergency
07:07what are you hiding for I'm not hiding you're hiding you know perfectly well why I'm hiding
07:15Emmett you live here now this is your front garden you can't never use it just because hyacinth may
07:21appear you take her too seriously the trick with hyacinth is to just let things wash over you I
07:30think that's how Richard survives you're right Liz it's ridiculous I'm a grown man I'm married well
07:40divorced why should I creep about in my own sister's front garden
07:46you're quite right it's ridiculous
07:55did I just see someone disappearing around the corner of the house did you I never noticed I thought I
08:03saw a moving figure I wonder who that could have been
08:07I'm just off to town I have some purchases to make we have an important social occasion
08:13tomorrow oh that's nice we're having a meal with my sister Rose's wealthy gentleman friend he's calling for
08:20us in his limousine very stylish he's Greek you know it's terrifying how wealthy they are I expect we'll be
08:28in for a boring time as he talks about his oil tankers and his offshore funds well I must be
08:34off unfortunately I have to catch the bus
08:39give my love to Emmett
08:49these are rather lovely I'll be with you in a moment madam no hurry I'll just have a browse through
08:56your quality items
08:59usually by onslow anything expensive
09:02hmm well he is family after all
09:05he's been family for a long time this is the first occasion he's been in line for anything expensive
09:11Richard we shall be quite an intimate little group at luncheon tomorrow
09:14you surely don't imagine that I could present onslow with something cheap and tawdry in front of Rose's wealthy gentleman
09:21friend
09:22oh I see
09:23I have my pride
09:26lucky for onslow
09:28I've bought something expensive but tasteful
09:32pair of cufflinks
09:37he never wears a shirt
09:39precisely
09:41so we must encourage him
09:43and a pair of gold cufflinks might do the trick
09:46gold plated at home
09:48certainly not
09:50nothing less than 18 carat
09:53how wealthy is Rose's gentleman friend
09:56he's Greek dear
09:58Maranopoulos
09:59you must have heard the name
10:01he's always in the gossip columns
10:03or the financial press
10:04oil tankers and things
10:06that was a Nassis
10:09no there's another one
10:13Maranopoulos
10:13yes I'm sure it was
10:17yes madam
10:18oh
10:20I'm looking for something very expensive but tasteful for my brother-in-law's birthday
10:26I thought perhaps something exquisite in cufflinks
10:30with pleasure madam
10:31if you'd care to take a seat I'll show you the best I have
10:34oh thank you
10:38are you sure that Rose's gentleman friend is wealthy
10:42they're not usually wealthy
10:43they're usually wealthy
10:45the word desperate springs to mind
10:47this one has a huge car
10:49Rose was most clear about that
10:52we'll be picked up by it in the morning
10:56then you won't have to drive
10:59so you can enjoy a little drink
11:00what about Rose's gentleman friend
11:02won't he want a drink
11:03don't expect he'll be driving
11:06why do you think he employs a chauffeur
11:11here you are madam
11:14these are the best we have in 18 carat
11:21oh yes
11:24Richard
11:31what do you think
11:32we should have them engraved
11:33what a good idea
11:35certainly madam
11:36by tomorrow morning could you do that
11:38of course madam
11:39it will be rather more expensive at such short notice
11:43you must be more clever brother-in-law
11:45hmm
11:47hmm
11:59and don't be late this evening
12:01try not to phone me in any more meetings
12:04I want you to be on time particularly this evening
12:07there's a great deal to be done
12:09if I'm to have a few people in
12:10for pre-lunch and cocktails tomorrow
12:12I thought we were going to one's best party
12:14we are
12:15but I see no reason
12:17why I can't have a few people in
12:18for pre-lunch and cocktails
12:21it'll give the right impression
12:22when Mr. Maranopoulos arrives
12:25let him see
12:26we have a solid social position
12:29so that he knows from word one
12:31that he's amongst his own kind
12:37have we got any cocktails
12:39well people make them dear
12:42they mix things
12:43yes but they have to have things they can mix
12:45well bring a few things home
12:48you expect me to think of everything
12:51we've got a few cocktails
12:52when we've just spent the budget
12:53on arms those cocktails
12:55Richard
12:56we're about to mingle with oil dear
12:59I hope you're not going to be a pinch penny
13:03thank you
13:26are we getting a taxi
13:29what
13:30tomorrow
13:31no
13:34if I have to drive
13:35I shall be able to drink
13:37we're all going in Mr. Maranopoulos' car
13:44who the ex Mr. Maranopoulos
13:48it's our Rose's new gentleman friend
13:53he's giving us all a lift you see
13:55it's all arranged
13:56they'll drop us off at the restaurant
13:58and then go on and pick up
13:59Harsons and Richard
14:02how long's she known this Maranopoulos chap
14:04does it matter
14:05of course it matters
14:07you know your Rose
14:09they don't last long with your Rose
14:12just make sure she doesn't finish with him
14:14till after we've all had a drink
14:21this is all very short notice
14:23and will therefore require all my organisational talents
14:26but it will be marvellous if you can help me Elizabeth
14:29I'd love to Hyacinth
14:31but I plan to go
14:32oh I love you dear
14:32well that's nice
14:34now I want you to look through my collection of Oat Cuisine cookery books
14:40without of course creasing the pages
14:42and find little things that we can do quickly on sticks
14:45you know the sort of thing
14:47tasty little morsels
14:48of the highest social calibre
14:51now there's not much time
14:52and there's a lot for us to do
14:54so you'll have to work miracles
14:55meanwhile I'll have to see who I can invite here
14:58at such short notice
15:00I'd better make the list
15:02it's you and Emmet of course
15:04oh no no
15:05I don't know about Emmet
15:06I think he might have some rehearsals tomorrow
15:08he can spare an hour dear
15:10you wouldn't want him to miss the opportunity
15:12of meeting a Greek shipping millionaire
15:14so that's you and Emmet
15:16oh and I'll invite the vicar
15:20I'll ring Mrs Barker Finn
15:22she won't come of course
15:23but she'll be furious when she finds out what she's missed
15:25I wonder about the major
15:28oh just for an hour in broad daylight
15:30in a crowded room
15:31I should be safe with the major
15:33have you ever had any trouble with the major?
15:35trouble?
15:36no I don't suppose you would have
15:39I'll risk it
15:41the major always adds a little tone
15:43make Mr Maranopolis realise
15:45that we may not all be millionaires
15:46but we do have our standards
15:49you haven't got very far dear
15:52are there any other Greeks coming?
15:55oh no dear
15:56they break plates
16:00he may have a tanker in every port
16:01but I'm not sacrificing my royal dootan
16:04with the hand-painted periwinkles
16:07there aren't that many left
16:16can you get it dear?
16:22the vicarage
16:24it's a bucket woman
16:26do you want to go for cocktails tomorrow?
16:39of course we'd love to
16:42but the vicar will be heavily engaged tomorrow
16:46he's visiting a very old sick parishioner
16:53no I don't think we could do that
16:55I don't think we could bring her and leave her outside
17:02oh the vicar can't come
17:04oh I am surprised
17:07perhaps it's the idea of cocktails
17:09I hope I haven't offended his religious scruples
17:13oh if you haven't found anything in these
17:14I've got some more books
17:20the bouquet residence
17:22the lady of the house speaking
17:25oh it's you Violet
17:27how are you dear?
17:29it's my sister Violet
17:31the one who married the turf accountant
17:33large house
17:34swimming pool room for a pony
17:36I know the one
17:37calling from that villa in Ibiza
17:42there seems to be some interference on the line
17:46sounds like someone's sobbing dear
17:50oh that's Bruce
17:53look why is Bruce sobbing?
17:57but is it a large tear in his flamenco frock?
18:03how do you mend it for him dear?
18:05oh look
18:06Violet
18:07I'm sorry dear
18:08but I haven't time today for all this
18:10I have a very full social calendar
18:12it's Onslow's birthday party tomorrow
18:14and cocktails with a Greek shipping millionaire
18:18no I know I've never mentioned any Greek millionaire to you dear
18:21but I'm not the sort of person who brags about her social plans
18:27you'll just have to cope with Bruce dear
18:29keep him out of the sun
18:31I'm sorry Violet
18:32I'll have to go
18:35yes I know it's a harsh world dear
18:38but there are far worse things than your husband dancing on restaurant tables with his hair in a bun
18:45heaven they're in Ibiza
18:50three five four nine
18:53ah the bucket filly
18:55pronounced bouquet
18:59to a what?
19:02a cocktails and can of a hour
19:04my god yes I must have a recce at that
19:07I'm afraid the old ball will change away at the moment but I can come
19:13do I speak Greek
19:17I only went seriously under the influence oh girl then they tell me I'm fluent
19:22a millionaire is he oh
19:25well something shady I shouldn't wonder I should watch your little self there
19:30yes of course I'll come you little minx
19:33count me in
19:34what is it things on sticks I expect
19:38well it'll be worth it
19:40if I can snatch just five minutes madness in your company
19:44see you on parade
19:50I think he's coming
19:52oh that's good
19:53yes isn't it
19:55as long as I can remember to keep on the move
20:15leave your tie and no none's low
20:17what a way to spend your birthday
20:19he's here
20:20Mr. Marinoppos is here
20:23I don't care if he is Greek I'm not having any kebabs
20:27especially on my birthday
20:28I'll be nice to him on slow
20:30I'll be nice to him as long as I'm not eating kebabs
20:32I can't cope with your eyes in than a kebab
20:38this is my gentleman friend
20:40Mr. Marinoppos
20:42this is my brother-in-law on slow
20:45happy birthday on slow
20:46you think so
20:47oh yes
20:48wait till you meet our iosynth
20:51and this is my sister Daisy
20:53pleased to meet you I'm sure
20:55very nice
20:57oh
20:57oh
20:58oh
21:02well we ought to be off then
21:04shall we Mr. Marinoppos
21:05thank you
21:08she's right
21:09he's very smart
21:10oh nice
21:12it's only two minutes
21:13and he's biting your hand
21:15oh by the way
21:16Mr. Marinoppos would like to apologise
21:18his limousines having a gearbox change
21:21so he's had to bring his other vehicle
21:22it's the room for all of us
21:24oh room to spare
21:28come on
21:29come on
21:31come on
21:52wait till midnight he'll probably go for your neck
21:56I'm looking forward so much to my darling musical Sheridan coming home
22:00and he and Emmett will be duetting for the rest of their lives
22:03anyone for a prune surprise
22:05there are plenty more
22:08let's know what
22:09oh
22:09doctor's orders I believe I won't owe to you
22:12don't like one of the specialities of the house
22:14I'm so sorry
22:15my Sheridan says these are what I do best
22:21any chance of another top up you devastating creature
22:24I think you've reached your limit
22:26where are you going to show me round your married quarters there
22:29now put yourself together dear
22:30you're wearing the regimental tie
22:32well come on be a soldier's girl
22:34enlist
22:39I'll go dear
22:40I'll go
22:41I'll go
22:46hello hyacinth
22:47you look nice
22:57he can't help it
22:59his limousine's having a gearbox change
23:08just go outside and tell him to drive round the block until I get rid of my guests
23:12what about my cocktail
23:20thank you so much for coming
23:22goodbye
23:23goodbye
23:32aren't they lovely
23:34you know there are some beautiful ones
23:37down the avenue
23:38that way on the left
23:42bye Elizabeth
23:44bye Emmett
23:51bye Major
23:54so glad you could come
23:56it made all the difference to my little party
24:02oh by the way
24:03have you noticed our new flattings
24:06the lead came from a disused monastery
24:08just outside Toulouse
24:11I hope you enjoyed my prawn and damson dip
24:15I'll let you have the recipe
24:17much of the credit of course must go to my friend and neighbour Elizabeth
24:21but of course she did work under my supervision
24:26where does Richard get his reserves of pure courage
24:29well Richard has a very patient and kindly nature
24:33also I think he lives in a quiet little world of his own
24:36he deserves the Nobel Prize
24:38for peace
24:44I think it's called a fancy japonica
24:46you should see mine in the conservatory
24:48plumes this big
24:50I'm sure it would interest your good lady
25:02well so it's the damn green fly you know
25:04I'm sure that Major's anxious to get home
25:06oh no rush my dear
25:08they're a very close couple
25:10of course they're close
25:12she has him on a lead
25:15well at least their marriage survives
25:18my husband works abroad
25:19you're divorced
25:20who are we to criticise
25:21anyway it's none of our business
25:24good grief woman
25:25this is a piece of pure scientific research
25:28if Richard can put up with hyacinth
25:30it means man is indestructible
25:34there are no limits to his powers of endurance
25:41I am sorry to hurry you
25:44but I have an important luncheon engagement
25:52what do you think of lost conversions
25:54what do you think of lost conversions
25:55oh you need an extra bedroom huh
25:59somewhere where you can hide away eh
26:05why does that hearse keep going round
26:08well this much I'll tell you now
26:12there's a pair of cufflinks
26:15that's going back to the jewelers
26:18first thing in the morning
26:19happy birthday
26:23happy birthday
26:24I'm slow
26:26Hello, welcome to England
26:29Hello, welcome to England
26:33Hello, welcome to England
26:36Hello, welcome to England
26:38Hello, welcome to England
26:41It's much more than fish and chips
26:43We've got chicks for the tits and the big filled lips
26:44Vallied up kids and the RS6
26:46Big two fiddies, four fiddies for the kick
26:48Rise with more bips, little creep in your crib
26:50I smell bacon, I smell pigs
26:51Take the cash down, get into the whip
26:53Leeds roll racing, I'm feeling like Hamilton
26:55Weedroll's amazing, Cropsy, I'm grabbing them
26:57Don't give a fuck in the truck and I'm ramming them
26:58Fuck no, we're structure, police here, it's running