- 9 hours ago
Hyacinth has her feathers ruffled when she has problems with Daddy, and is appalled to spy a strange man at Elizabeth's house who has obviously spent the night there. What will it do to property values?
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:04Morning, Mrs. Bucket.
00:06It's bouquet.
00:08I never knew that.
00:09Trust me.
00:11To me, people are usually just a name on a note.
00:13I will not have milkman reducing me to a piece of paper.
00:21Is there something wrong, Mrs. Bucket?
00:25It seems all right.
00:27But in future, I want you to be quite sure that I get my own bottles back.
00:31I know mine have been quite washed, you see.
00:34And I can't be quite sure about other bottles.
00:37So please inform the people at the depot that I want my own bottles back.
00:42All the bottles are sterilised, Mrs. Bucket.
00:45OK.
00:46The milk's pasteurised.
00:48It's a matter of complete indifference to me whether it's sterilised, pasteurised, immunised or privatised.
00:56Just inform your superiors that I want my own bottles back.
01:25There's a man next door in Elizabeth's house.
01:29Sorry, I don't see the significance.
01:32In Elizabeth's house, a man.
01:35Yes, I heard that.
01:36Bold as you please.
01:38If Sheridan were here, he'd be appalled.
01:40Well, steady on.
01:41Maybe she's got the decorator in.
01:43Draped in a towel.
01:45Well, at least he sounds clean.
01:48Hyacinth.
01:49Perhaps her husband's come back from Saudi Arabia.
01:51It is not her husband.
01:54I've warned her against watching Channel 4.
01:59She'll come to no good identifying with the continental classes.
02:12I'm slow.
02:14What is it?
02:16It looks like a beautiful day.
02:20Oh, nice.
02:22Well, it is.
02:24Look at it.
02:25It's a beautiful day.
02:26Hey.
02:29Right.
02:30Got it.
02:31Beautiful day.
02:36We hardly have any conversation these days.
02:40Even when we make love, you rarely speak to me.
02:43Especially when we make love, you rarely speak to me.
02:48You think doing two things at once is a formula for success.
02:54It's just that, at times like that,
02:57a woman likes a little confirmation that there's actually somebody there.
03:02It's that memorable, is it?
03:04I'll tell you why I don't like chatting when I'm making love to you.
03:08Because the last time, right in the middle of things,
03:10you said to me,
03:11Onslow, if I'd have died in childbirth,
03:14would you have married again?
03:18Well, would you?
03:19Married again?
03:20I couldn't even finish making love.
03:23You forget you, women.
03:25It's not always easy making love to people.
03:27Especially when you're married.
03:29And then you come up with a question like that.
03:33It amounts to overloading the system.
03:36Are we going to get up?
03:39You don't have to go to pieces just because it's a beautiful day.
03:46If you put something on our roads, you'll be upsetting Onslow.
03:50No, she won't.
03:51Not this time of the morning.
03:53Dad's gone again.
03:54He'll have to know this time.
03:56Condition red.
03:57Enemy aircraft approaching.
03:59Don't get up.
04:00I'll handle it.
04:01Have you seen my ration book?
04:02Dad.
04:04Now we have to get up.
04:06I'll kill your father.
04:09How could she?
04:10Next to a house of this caliber.
04:13Had I known, I'd never have gone to the expense of double glazing.
04:18There's no point in getting upset.
04:20There's probably some perfectly harmless explanation.
04:22How can there be a harmless explanation to a strange man in the house?
04:26Informally dressed with a debauched expression.
04:29And obviously been there all night.
04:32You don't know that he's been there all night?
04:34If he's there, draped in a towel when the milk arrives, he's been there all night.
04:40Well, that's a reasonable conclusion.
04:42I mean, just imagine.
04:44If she keeps him, we could be sharing milk bottles.
04:49I will not share milk bottles with an illicit love nest.
04:55It's really none of our business.
04:58Of course it's my business.
04:59Elizabeth is my friend.
05:00I can't just stand idly by when she's sinking into moral turpitude.
05:06I can't see Liz sinking into moral turpitude.
05:10I won't allow it.
05:11We must save her from herself.
05:13I cannot have my next-door neighbour turning her home into a house of ill repute.
05:18Aye, I see.
05:19Just think what it could do to the property values.
05:30Anzo, aren't you up yet?
05:32I'm thinking.
05:34It's no good going off half-cocked in these little emergencies.
05:39Somebody's got to keep a cool head and do the planning.
05:42There's nobody seen him in the street.
05:44Her at the shop hasn't seen him, and she never misses a thing.
05:47If you've got to track him down, the first thing to do is find out what he's wearing.
05:52Right.
05:54You know what I mean about planning?
05:56A cool head.
05:59All his street clothes are there.
06:01He's not wearing any of them.
06:03So now we know what we're looking for.
06:05An old man in pyjamas.
06:11Oh, nice.
06:17We'll have to move.
06:19Move?
06:23I shall miss this house.
06:27Over the years, I've made it a centre of culture and taste.
06:32Why should we have to move?
06:34If this area is heading for a moral decline, what choice have we?
06:39I will not raise Sheridan in a continental atmosphere.
06:43I can't believe Elizabeth's involved in anything continental.
06:47Well, I can't believe it either.
06:50How fortunate you are, Richard, to have a wife of impeccable moral rectitude.
07:00What are you going to do?
07:02We're going to have a cup of tea, have a fag, and decide on a plan of operation.
07:08Onslow's very good in emergencies.
07:13I should think so.
07:14The way he lives.
07:16Look at the practice he's had.
07:18Here it is.
07:20Plan A.
07:23I'll stay here in case he comes home.
07:24You two go and look for him.
07:27Oh, I can't go.
07:28I'm expecting a phone call from Mr. Bickerstaff.
07:31Who's Mr. Bickerstaff?
07:33Who's Mr. Bickerstaff?
07:35He's only the best thing that ever happened to me.
07:38A chance to start again.
07:40To build on the security of someone who cares for me.
07:46I thought that was Mr. Crabtree.
07:48Don't speak to me about that, swine.
07:50You said you loved him madly.
07:52In fact, we could hear you loving him madly.
07:56That was a tragic mistake.
07:59I didn't know what love was until along came, Mr. Bickerstaff.
08:04I can't go anywhere till I've had his phone call.
08:06He'll panic if I'm not here to tell him I love him.
08:09You go with Daisy.
08:10If a Bickerstaff rings, I'll tell him you love him.
08:17I know you don't believe me, Richard.
08:19I have to go to work, Hyacinth.
08:21Not until you've seen it with your own eyes.
08:23Elizabeth has a man in the house.
08:25I still feel it's none of our business.
08:27The tone of this neighbourhood has always been my business.
08:31It is not without enormous effort on my part that this district has one of the most sought-after postal
08:36codes.
08:38I can't just go out there and stare at Elizabeth's house.
08:41No, of course you mustn't stare, dear.
08:43We're not ones to pry.
08:46Now, I shall pretend to see you off to work.
08:49You will turn and wave as you normally do.
08:52Do I normally turn and wave?
08:54You will turn and wave, Richard.
08:58This will give you an opportunity to cast your eye over Elizabeth's house.
09:03Well, what if I don't see him?
09:06Oh, then you will pretend that you have forgotten something and you will return to the house.
09:12And then we'll do it all over again.
10:04I've forgotten something.
10:35I've forgotten something.
10:36I've forgotten something again.
10:45Liz, who's the idiot next door?
10:51Oh, that's Richard.
10:53Oh, he's rather a dear, really.
10:55A bit forgetful, isn't he?
10:56That's three times he's been back to the house.
11:00Being married to Hyacinth, it's a miracle he goes back at all.
11:08Now, did you see him that time?
11:09I couldn't see a thing.
11:11Oh, why is it men never notice things?
11:13I notice that I'm going to be late for the office.
11:15Now, don't interrupt me while I'm thinking, dear.
11:18If he won't show himself, we must flush him out.
11:23A tear gas?
11:26Richard, I will go round now to Elizabeth's house on some innocent errand.
11:33I'll invite her to another of my candlelight suppers.
11:36Oh.
11:37You will stay here and keep watch.
11:40I am...
11:40As soon as Elizabeth has let me in through the front door,
11:44ten to one, you'll see the man sneak out of the back, scurrying away.
11:48It's time that I was scurrying away.
11:53She's not listening.
11:54How does she manage never to listen?
11:56I wish I could get the hang of it.
11:59And, Richard, we must warn her against the dangers of strange men.
12:04You must warn her.
12:05Me?
12:06Yes, you, dear.
12:07Why aren't you listening?
12:09And you must do it tactfully.
12:11While I've cornered her,
12:13you must make your appearance and begin talking casually about how you've seen it in the papers.
12:17Seen what?
12:18The dangers of getting involved with strange men.
12:22She'll think I'm the strange man.
12:23Oh, now, don't be silly.
12:25I am relying on you, Richard.
12:28Don't fail me.
12:31Let's restore this area to a place fit for Sheridan to live in.
12:36Come on, to the post.
12:39Jawohl.
12:48Good morning.
12:50Good morning.
13:22Hello, can you hang on a minute, please?
13:34I'm sorry about that.
13:35Oh, it's you, Daisy.
13:37No, she's just popped next door.
13:39Which reminds me, hang on.
13:54I don't expect you to be long, is it urgent?
13:57Oh, your father, yes.
13:58No, I'll tell her, I've got to pop next door myself.
14:01Yes, bye.
14:11I...
14:12You see it in the papers.
14:14Terrible.
14:15Women living alone, getting involved with strange men.
14:18Very unwise.
14:19Oh, you can't open a conversation like that.
14:28Oh, you see it in the papers.
14:31Women living alone, getting involved with strange men.
14:34I can't say that.
14:39On the other hand, Hyacinthomy's standing there waiting for me to say that.
14:44I can say that.
14:48Hello, Richard.
14:50Elizabeth, I...
14:51What is it?
14:53Elizabeth, I...
14:54Yes, Richard?
14:56I have to speak to you.
14:59Oh, come in.
15:02Forces over which I have no control are insisting that I speak to you.
15:05Yes, Richard.
15:07Have you seen it in the papers?
15:09Have I seen what?
15:10Ah, about strange men.
15:11Richard!
15:12Richard!
15:14You, uh, haven't met Elizabeth's brother, have you?
15:17Brother?
15:19Elizabeth's brother!
15:20Oh, I'm sorry.
15:23I've just been telling Emmett all about you.
15:25Emmett, this is Richard.
15:27Richard, my brother, Emmett.
15:28Hello, Richard.
15:28He'll be staying here for a while.
15:30I can't tell you how glad I am to hear that.
15:34That I shall be staying here for a while.
15:36No, but you're her brother.
15:37I'm sorry.
15:38Oh, well, Hyacinth was...
15:39No, no, stop babbling, Richard.
15:41He's planning to go back to the office.
15:43He has very large responsibilities.
15:46I don't like him being late for the office.
15:48How has since your sister's been on the phone?
15:50Oh, my sister Violet.
15:51She married a turf accountant.
15:53They have a very large house, a swimming pool, and room for a pony.
15:57No, Daisy.
15:59Oh, Daisy.
16:01Pop in for a coffee, Emmett.
16:04And later on, there'll be a little candlelight supper sometime to look forward to.
16:10You'll enjoy it, Emmett.
16:13Just a small, select gathering.
16:16Living next door to us, you'll soon learn that you're at the centre of the cultural hub of things round
16:21here.
16:21I must be leaving for the office.
16:23Again?
16:26As the French say, cafe au lait for a tete-a-tete.
16:38Ye gods.
16:40Is the woman always like that?
16:44It was her brother all the time.
16:46He's lost his house in a messy divorce, and he needs somewhere to live.
16:54I knew Elizabeth was beyond moral reproach.
16:57I don't know why you put that idea in my head in the first place.
17:02You don't imagine I could have been friends all these years with a person of low-model fibre.
17:08It was short-sighted of you, Richard.
17:10Actually, it was you who said...
17:12Yes, I did, didn't I?
17:14And you see how right I was.
17:18I must go to the office.
17:21Come inside for a moment, Richard.
17:24There's something I have to tell you.
17:26It's quite exciting.
17:28Well, tell me here.
17:31I think chatting in the street is very common, don't you?
17:35Ooh!
17:41I think...
17:42No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
17:43We'll be in on your...
17:45Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
17:49I'm telling you...
17:49No, to watch this!
17:57Emmet is a musician.
18:01He teaches music.
18:04A classically trained musician.
18:08a classically trained musician
18:10don't you realise what that means
18:12about 25 pounds an hour
18:16can't you see what an asset
18:18he'll be at my little musical soirees
18:20oh those yes
18:22does he know that you give little musicals
18:25no dear
18:26not yet but I'm not one to push my
18:28talents forward
18:29I'll let that just emerge naturally
18:32but you haven't heard the best bit
18:37he produces and directs
18:39the amateur operatic society
18:42it's a wonder he found
18:43time to get divorced
18:45so you must be prepared
18:47as soon as he hears me sing he'll start
18:51pestering me to play a leading role
18:53and that's what I want to ask you dear
18:56will it be fair to
18:57Sheridan a mother on the stage
19:04where did you put my briefcase
19:06because I'm having them round for coffee
19:08and the question may arise
19:09don't forget to ring your daisy
19:11oh yes dear yes I will when I've got a moment
19:13when I've decided the details of my debut
19:23that is nowhere on the block
19:25nobody's seen him
19:26did that a person ring?
19:28did Mr. Bickerstaff ring?
19:29nobody rang
19:30I asked him to ring Oslo
19:31you have to get the car out love
19:33we have to go and tell him
19:34what did Mr. Bickerstaff ring?
19:35you can phone Mr. Bickerstaff
19:37that one person
19:38on a white slimline push-button telephone
19:47come on
19:48come on
19:48come on
19:49goodbye dear
19:51have a nice day
19:52what's left of it
19:58come on
20:03why are you singing?
20:05out here in the open like there
20:07Richard what a question dear
20:09you know I love to sing
20:11ah
20:12oh
20:13oh
20:21Elizabeth dear
20:23don't forget coffee at 10.45
20:25will you
20:26all through the night
20:38maybe you should have put on a shirt
20:39nobody said it was formal
20:43why if I miss Mr. Bickerstaff
20:46oh
20:46shut up Rose
20:51come on
20:52a minute
20:52she said 10.45
20:53it has to be exactly
20:5510.45
20:56believe me
20:57it's easier
21:07oh
21:08there you are
21:09and almost on time
21:13come in
21:15come in
21:16come in
21:20and there's Sheridan
21:22and there's Sheridan
21:22and there's Sheringham
21:23in his little sailor suit
21:24super
21:26and there he is
21:27dawdling on a donkey
21:28at Dawlish
21:30bless him
21:31he was fearless
21:32then why is he crying?
21:34well
21:36because the donkey
21:37was carrying him away
21:38from his mummy
21:40we were always
21:41very close
21:43another cup of
21:44aromatic nut
21:45roasted special
21:46no
21:48no thank you
21:49I'm fine
21:50Elizabeth
21:50oh yours must be cold
21:52no no no
21:53thank you Hyacinth
21:54no I'm always a bit uneasy
21:55with your best china
21:57no I'm quite happy
21:59with my biscuit
21:59good
22:00but just watch the crumbs
22:01won't you
22:04my royal doot
22:05and hand-painted
22:06periwinkle
22:07is not really
22:07my best china
22:08it's just my
22:09everyday best
22:10my really best
22:11best
22:12I shall keep
22:12for another time
22:13when you come
22:14for a more formal
22:15occasion
22:15perhaps a little
22:18musical soiree
22:19followed by
22:20a little candlelight
22:20supper
22:22now I've got
22:22another album
22:23somewhere
22:35well thank you
22:36for the coffee
22:36and the tour
22:37through your albums
22:38but we really
22:38have to be going
22:39no you can't go now
22:41not now
22:42not right now
22:43not until you've
22:44seen the other album
22:45desolate as I am
22:46not to see
22:47another album
22:48I really do think
22:49excuse me
22:49don't move
22:52just sit there
22:57I'll be back
23:01whatever you think
23:07oh let's go
23:08I don't think
23:09I can face
23:09yet another album
23:10no she said
23:11don't move
23:13we can't exactly
23:14be under house
23:15arrest
23:20can we
23:22just go and find
23:23daddy immediately
23:24they've been doing that
23:25can I just make a phone call
23:26to Mr. Vickersan
23:27no Rose
23:28not to one of your
23:30gentleman friends
23:31on my white slimline
23:32telephone
23:32the instrument through
23:34which I have to speak
23:35to Sheridan
23:36supposing there were
23:37a cross line
23:37then he picked up
23:38some residue
23:38of your conversation
23:40you must go and find
23:42daddy
23:42now
23:43we thought he might
23:44be here
23:45daddy would never
23:46come here
23:47looking for his
23:48ratchet book
23:48not in his
23:50long johns
23:52now just
23:53go and find him
23:54immediately
23:57will you get into
23:58the car
23:58Onslow
24:00now
24:00Onslow
24:01she could do
24:03with a drop
24:03of water
24:04for the radiator
24:04the water
24:05here wouldn't
24:06be suitable
24:06for your kind
24:07of room
24:13that's it
24:14that sounds
24:15fine
24:15off you go Onslow
24:17but Hyacinth
24:18supposing daddy
24:19goodbye dear
24:20give me a ring
24:21if you find daddy
24:22oh daddy
24:28out there
24:29somewhere
24:30facing the
24:31might of the
24:32Luftwaffe
24:38we'll have to
24:39be going
24:39Hyacinth
24:40Emmet has
24:40work to do
24:41never mind
24:42dear
24:42there'll be
24:44many other
24:44occasions
24:45oh
24:46splendid
24:58did you see
25:00that
25:00who is he
25:01it was daddy
25:04my father's
25:05a leading
25:05competitor
25:06in the
25:06over 70s
25:07bicycle race
25:08I expect
25:09his number
25:10fell off
25:10in the
25:10excitement
25:12why is he
25:13wearing
25:14long johns
25:15and a steel
25:15helmet
25:16fancy dress
25:17for charity
25:18brave daddy
25:20risking the
25:21elements at
25:22his age
25:22for charitable
25:23purposes
25:25the old
25:26school
25:26you know
25:27coming daddy
25:29I must
25:30refresh him
25:30with orange
25:31juice
25:31before he
25:31tackles the
25:32next hundred
25:32laps
25:35yes the old
25:36school
25:37it's his kind
25:38of spirit
25:38that keeps one
25:39going when
25:40everything appears
25:40to be collapsing
25:41where all
25:43will be
25:43come
25:45and England
25:47shall be
25:48free
25:49it's
25:50free
25:51hello welcome to England
25:57hello welcome to England
26:02hello welcome to England
26:05hello welcome to England
26:06it's much more than fish and chips
26:08we've got chicks for the tits
26:09and the big filled lips
26:10ballied up kids and the RS6
26:11big two fillies
26:12four fillies with a kick
26:13rise with more bricks
26:14little creep in your crib
26:15I smell bacon
26:16I smell pigs
26:17take the cash down
26:18get into the whip
26:18leaves roll racing
26:19I'm feeling like Hamilton
26:20weed grows amazing
26:21crops yeah I'm grabbing them
26:22don't give a fuck in the truck
26:23and I'm ramming them
26:24fuck the West culture
26:25police
26:25yeah they're standing
26:25they're standing