Goodness Gracious Me brought iconic British-Asian comedy to TV with hilarious sketches, unforgettable characters, and sharp cultural satire 😂🔥 From “Going for an English” to legendary family moments, the show became a comedy classic that still feels ahead of its time. A true gem of British television and South Asian humor 🇬🇧🇮🇳
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#goodnessgraciousme #britishcomedy #asiancomedy #southasian #classiccomedy #ukcomedy #comedysketch #cultclassic #britishtv #funnyclips #comedyshow #90scomedy #satire #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #retrohumor #tvclassics #desihumor #bbccomedy #iconicshows #comedygold #nostalgiatv #britishasian #dailymotion #comedymoments #sketchcomedy #retroshows #classicbritishtv
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FunTranscript
00:25Good and gracious me!
00:57What have we got?
00:58A 40-year-old male gunned down on the street.
01:05Rickton's wife's over there.
01:08Okay, thanks.
01:09Better go talk to her.
01:12This is part of the job I really hate.
01:13What have we got?
01:39I'm going to get out again.
01:40In their dreams.
01:41As if.
01:42Anyway, what was you ringing me about?
01:44Oh, nothing.
01:45Just to let you know that I'll be nosed out on a date, innit?
01:50Hello?
01:52Mina?
01:53You still there?
01:55Yeah, sorry, I just fainted for a second.
01:57Now, you do remember we don't count men on the tell you're in magazines, yeah?
02:02And they are not sending you secret messages through your hairdryer.
02:06Yeah, Mina, this time it's a real bloke, innit?
02:08I met him on the escalators in the metro centre when he caught his anorak toggle in my belly button
02:14ring.
02:16And then when we finally left casualty, right, he asked me out.
02:21Well, I hope you told him in his dreams, buddy.
02:25Well, um...
02:26You did at least say as if, didn't you?
02:29Mina, I would have done.
02:30Only, see, Michael's quite cute, right?
02:33Oh, man.
02:35Michael!
02:36So now you're switching from rotty to white bread, eh?
02:46Nah, you listen to me, right?
02:47No, well, that's gonna be a hot date, innit?
02:50Listen to his Cooler Shaker CD in the back of his Ford Cortina
02:53while he drools about you're all over tan, ha, in his dreams.
02:58Actually, Michael's half Indian, innit?
03:00Which half?
03:03Does it matter?
03:04Yeah, it does.
03:06If it's a top half, he'll think you're a slut if you kiss on a first date.
03:09And if it's a bottom half, don't bother kissing him,
03:11cos he'll be useless at anything else.
03:13That's it.
03:14Well, I did kiss him, so there.
03:16And it was quite nice, too.
03:18And I didn't have any of them guilty hallucinations after neither.
03:22Oh, yeah!
03:23Them ones where your grandparents appear at the end of the bed
03:26waving bloody swords and shouting,
03:27Die in agony, dung-sucking whore of Jalanda.
03:33What?
03:35Oh, that's just me, then.
03:38Yeah, Mina, you don't want me to go out with him, do ya?
03:41If you want to betray the sisterhood, that is up to you, Bina.
03:46Well, so what shall I tell his best friend, then, who wants to go out with you?
03:52Still there?
03:54Eh?
03:57Eh?
03:58Eh?
04:00Eh?
04:06Where can I find Frankie the fish?
04:10How do I know you ain't a cop?
04:13Do I look like a cop?
04:15Well, what?
04:24Oh, no, no.
04:28Oh, no.
04:30Oh, no, that's all right.
04:41Oh, no.
04:43Oh, no...
04:44Oh, no, no.
04:44Oh, no, no, no, no.
04:45Oh, no, no, no.
04:45Oh, no!
04:46Won't you have some nimbu pani? It's freshly made.
04:52My, don't the gardens look lovely? So neat.
04:58You know, when the British were here, the gardens were so beautifully kept.
05:04Of course, Mr. Gandhi and Mr. Jinnah were making a terrible hullabaloo.
05:10But they really were wonderful days.
05:16I remember parties up at the old governor's house.
05:21And one particularly magnificent occasion attended by the Viceroy himself.
05:29Everyone dressed in their finery.
05:33Do you remember what you wore?
05:36No, I wasn't allowed inside.
05:40I was chained to the main gate, being whipped by a couple of dashing young fusiliers.
05:48And as they flogged me to within an inch of my life, I couldn't help noticing how gaily decorated the
05:56Marquise were.
05:59Wonderful days.
06:07Namaste, namaste, namaste.
06:10I am the Guru Maharishi Yogi.
06:12Welcome to my temple of enlightenment.
06:15And now, time for meditation.
06:18Oh, uh, Guruji, could you tell us the story of Krishna?
06:26Krishna?
06:26Krishna?
06:27Sure, sure.
06:28Why not?
06:30Possibly one of the greatest of the gods.
06:33Krishna embodies the modern consciousness at a divine spirit level, so to speak.
06:38His story is of the ultimate battle between the forces of darkness and the forces of light.
06:46I will translate from the original Sanskrit.
06:53Armani Charuti, Donna Campbell.
06:58Dilithium Vulcan Yaklingon.
07:03You see, when he was a little boy, Krishna lived in a village and worked on his uncle's farm.
07:09But he never knew who his father was.
07:11And always, he would stare up at the stars and think,
07:14Who am I?
07:15What is my destiny?
07:20And also, he knew in the mountains of this guru type called, uh, uh, Gobi, one Nairobi.
07:31They got the two droids.
07:32And one was very tall and the other was little.
07:34And spoke in a very strange language.
07:36A two, two, two, two, sort of Gujarati or some derivative.
07:39And, uh, yeah.
07:40And there was Jabba the Jutt.
07:42Who wanted to kill the untouchable, uh, Harijan Ford.
07:46And, uh, the demon king, the dark invader.
07:49And he was building the death sitar, right?
07:52And with one twang, he could destroy a planet.
07:55And Krishna had to beat him.
07:56And then he remembered the words that Gobi had told him.
08:08And what does that mean?
08:10Uh, may the force be with you.
08:22NAZREEN ISHAK
08:22Nazreen Ishaq.
08:23A happy-go-lucky teenager who, like so many young Asian girls,
08:27is oppressed by traditionalist parents who treat her like a piece of property.
08:33This week on Expose, I expose these parents.
08:40Hello, excuse me, Mr Ishaq.
08:43Yes?
08:44Bobnonc, expose.
08:45Where is your daughter Nazreen at the moment?
08:47Uh, she's in her room.
08:49Right, why?
08:50She's doing her homework.
08:52I see, so she's shut up in her room.
08:54What?
08:55Is the door locked?
08:56Uh, what do you mean?
08:57Do you lock her in her room until she's finished?
09:00No.
09:01And if she fails to get straight A's in her exams, what then?
09:04What then?
09:05I assume you'll administer a severe beating.
09:09No.
09:09Are you trying to tell me that you don't beat your daughter?
09:12That you don't treat her like a slave?
09:14That you don't keep her locked in the cellar with only a bucket for her toilet?
09:18Darling, what's happening?
09:19Who are these people?
09:20Ah, Mrs Ishaq.
09:21When your daughter wants to go out with her friends like a normal Western girl,
09:25how do you stop her?
09:27Well, she quite likes going out with her friends.
09:29In fact, she's going to cinema tonight.
09:31And what if your daughter were to meet someone at this cinema?
09:34What if she then wanted to marry this person?
09:36Is it not the case that you would then lock her in the cellar again until she agreed not to
09:40marry this poor man,
09:41whose only crime was to fall in love with a member of your family?
09:46We don't have a cellar.
09:51Are you going to force her to marry her unborn tractor-driving cousin from Pakistan
09:55with only the one eye but twelve enormous fingers?
09:58It's been nice talking to you, but we have to go.
10:00Do you tie her up with your husband's belt?
10:03We have to go inside.
10:06Would you?
10:07Now, for us, please.
10:09Look, just go away, you stupid man.
10:11Oh, go on, the viewers will love it.
10:14The viewers?
10:18Is this going to be on television?
10:20Yes.
10:22Okay, I'll just go get her.
10:34Come on, let's clear these comic books away.
10:37Oh, don't move that.
10:38That's my Superman collection.
10:39I'm trying to put it in order.
10:40But you've got so many.
10:42Do you need this many comics?
10:43Superman's my favourite superhero.
10:46Ah, well, I can understand that.
10:48He's so brave.
10:49So strong.
10:51So Indian.
10:53What?
10:54Superman Indian.
10:56No!
10:57Ah, ah.
10:57Come on, you've seen the film.
10:59He runs faster than a speeding train.
11:01There's only one country where you can run faster than the train.
11:04But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but Dad!
11:07What about Clark Kent?
11:09Huh?
11:09Clark Kent.
11:10Her national health glasses.
11:12Bad haircut.
11:13Go to Calcutta.
11:14You see millions of civil servants are exactly the same.
11:17No, Dad!
11:18Superman comes from Krypton.
11:20Kerala!
11:22Think about it, yaar.
11:24He's got two jobs.
11:25Indian.
11:26Never takes a day off work.
11:27Indian.
11:29And, how does he get around?
11:31Cheap flights?
11:32I don't believe ya.
11:34Not just Superman.
11:35Batman, Spider-Man, Incredible Hulk, all top superheroes come from India.
11:39Rubbish!
11:39Not rubbish.
11:40You look at the ancient Hindu texts.
11:42They're full of superheroes.
11:44There's Holy Man.
11:45Hanuman.
11:47Catman dude.
11:50Catman dude?
11:51Okay, forget that one.
11:52But also Mongoose Man.
11:53Bribery Man.
11:54Latrine Boy.
12:01I remember travelling from Jaipur to Pune on the old flyer.
12:08A ragtag bunch we were.
12:11Old women chattering amongst themselves.
12:15Small children dashing up and down the aisle.
12:19And as we pulled into the old hill station,
12:23a group of dashing young fusiliers from the local barracks
12:27came onto the platform and began to pepper our carriage with gunfire.
12:33And as the blood trickled down the aisle,
12:38I couldn't help noticing how brightly polished their boots were.
12:45Wonderful days.
12:51We'll see.
13:13Wonderful days.
13:18Meow, pussycats.
13:20Yeah?
13:21It's me, Smita Smitten Showbiz Kitten,
13:24snuffling around in the cat litter of celebrity lives
13:27to bring you hot chunks of fresh, steamy gossip.
13:30And today, I'm interviewing the glamorous producer
13:33of the Smita Smitten Show,
13:35the hottest showbiz program on the Lahore Cable Network.
13:40So, Nina, how goes it in the world of glitz?
13:44Right, Smita, I've asked you here to discuss a very delicate matter.
13:48Oh, meow, pussycats.
13:50Here comes the bombshell.
13:51Finally, the identity of Jackie Shroff's mysterious companion
13:55is exclusively revealed to yours truly.
13:58Smita, this is not the show.
14:00This is real life.
14:04Don't make this any more difficult than it is, okay?
14:06I've been meaning to talk to you for a while now about the show.
14:09Oh, purr, pussycats.
14:10Could it be that Smita's been spotted
14:12stepping out with Bollywood bad boy, Sonny Deol?
14:15Listen to me, Smita.
14:18I'm very sorry, but we're axing the show.
14:27You don't get invited to parties anymore.
14:29You've got no contacts,
14:30and nobody in the business is prepared to talk with you.
14:32Those are not good things for a gossip columnist.
14:36You'll be all right.
14:38Meow, the pussycat always lands on her feet, viewers.
14:42Uh, Smita, there are no viewers, okay?
14:44They've gone forever.
14:46Could it be that the granite-jawed Salman...
14:49Clear your desk.
14:51You're...
14:51I resign!
14:53I resign.
14:55That's this week's exclusive, folks.
14:57Smita Spittin' resigns
14:58before her dumpy boss knows what's hit her.
15:01Wait till I tell the gorgeous Art Malick about this.
15:05Have my Garfield back, you bitch.
15:09Ciao, man.
15:10Ciao.
15:10What are you doing, man?
15:11Nothing.
15:12You want to go shoplifting in the cash and carry?
15:14No way, man.
15:16I'm not going to steal nothing from that place.
15:18Why not, man?
15:18Because they sell genetically altered vegetables, innit?
15:22What are you talking about, man?
15:24I'm talking about the gene pool.
15:26You know, evolution.
15:28Mutating chromosomes.
15:29Oh, fair enough, man.
15:31I don't want my chromosome, what they take.
15:34Not yours.
15:35The rastmoly'd have to be pretty disturbed
15:37to have any interest in your genes, innit?
15:40Here's my chuggy, man.
15:41Chill, man.
15:42Chill, chill.
15:42All I'm saying is, right,
15:44in the future,
15:45no matter how repulsive you are,
15:47you will be able to be reproduced by cloning.
15:51What's that, man?
15:52Don't you get it?
15:53In the future, we will be clones.
15:56Oh, love it, love it.
15:57The big shoe, the red nose,
16:00the black man, yeah, chill.
16:04You spindle.
16:05I'm not talking about circus entertainment,
16:07I'm talking about genetic engineering.
16:10What about it?
16:11It's like a fusion of genetic materials
16:15remixed to create the ultimate human being.
16:18Whoa!
16:18And there are already genetic mutations
16:20walking to earth, man.
16:22No way.
16:22Way.
16:24The mule, part horse, part donkey.
16:27The husky, part wolf, part dog.
16:30Uncle Devinder.
16:32What?
16:33Part newsagent, part minicab driver.
16:42Sharp.
16:44Anyway, I thought we was going shoplifting.
16:45But where?
16:47There's this newsagent on Green Street, right?
16:49The mutant behind the counter
16:51has got arthritis
16:52and crap eyesight.
16:54Yeah!
16:55That's my dad's place!
16:56Idiot!
17:03Of course, that was the year
17:06that the handsome and dashing
17:08Bonsonby Smythe was made a general.
17:13I do confess I had something of a crush on him
17:17and I became terribly excited
17:20when he came into town
17:22to execute my auntie.
17:27Wonderful day.
17:43Welcome to the show.
17:45Our special guest,
17:46top Asian chef Mohammed Bashir,
17:48has created a sumptuous meal.
17:50Yeah, you've got nothing.
17:51But maybe Phil,
17:53marinated in fresh sugar
17:54and fenugreek,
17:55were to die for.
17:57Thank you, Ainsley.
18:00And the Goni's lobster with tamarind.
18:02And coconut milk.
18:03Was just delicious.
18:05Which, of course,
18:05leaves only one thing.
18:06My favourite, the dessert.
18:08Ah, the dessert.
18:09The crowning glory
18:11of every Asian feast.
18:13This particular dessert
18:14is said to have been
18:16the favourite dish
18:17of Emperor Shah Jahanis.
18:20The recipe has been handed down
18:22over generations
18:23and now
18:24it is the favourite dessert choice
18:27of every Asian household.
18:29Wow.
18:30So how long did this sumptuous pudding
18:32take to repair?
18:3345 seconds.
18:35And does this masterpiece have a name?
18:37Yes.
18:37It is called
18:38Fruit Cocktail
18:40and tip-tock.
18:45And I think
18:46it must have great
18:47that unique flavour.
18:49You see,
18:49I put green fill on top
18:51and left it in the fridge
18:53for three weeks.
18:55Don't forget,
18:56three weeks.
18:58Right.
18:59That's all we've got time for.
19:01Join us next week.
19:02You haven't finished your sweet.
19:04Fine, really.
19:05You must eat the cherry.
19:07It's going for you.
19:20Good night, Ma.
19:22Good night, John Boy.
19:24Ma?
19:25Yes, John Boy?
19:27When I'm married,
19:28can I move out
19:29and get a place of my own?
19:30No, John Boy.
19:32You and your wife
19:33will live here
19:33in the family home.
19:35Pa?
19:36Yes, John Boy?
19:38Can I be a writer
19:39like I've always wanted?
19:40Don't be silly, son.
19:41You'll be working
19:42in the family business
19:43like I did.
19:45Ma?
19:46Yes, John Boy?
19:48Are we Asian?
19:50Why would you ask
19:51a silly question like that?
19:54Because I'm 43.
19:56Well, just stop your nonsense
19:57and go to sleep, will ya?
19:59Okay.
20:01Grandma?
20:03What do you say, John Boy?
20:06What do you say, John Boy?
20:07Could you budge up a little bit?
20:08I'm trying to get a sleep here.
20:10I'm trying to get a sleep here.
20:16That summer,
20:18the evenings were particularly fragrant.
20:21And we would often take tea pure
20:24out on the veranda.
20:27And any of the local officers
20:31who weren't otherwise engaged
20:33would often stop by
20:35to assault us women folk.
20:39And as I lay crushed
20:41beneath their sweating bodies,
20:44I would always remark
20:45on the faultless creasing
20:47of their trousers.
20:51Wonderful days.
21:02Tonight, on The Book Programme,
21:04we discuss the phenomenal success
21:06of Asian writers
21:07in Western literature.
21:08I'm joined by three of the authors
21:10on the Booker Prize shortlist.
21:12If I could just turn to you first,
21:14Anita Devi.
21:15Is there not a certain amount
21:17of bandwagon jumping going on
21:19following the success
21:19of such writers as
21:21Vikram Seth
21:21and Arundhati Roy?
21:23No, not at all.
21:24I think Asians are natural authors
21:27because of the rich depth
21:28of our cultural experiences.
21:30So you don't feel that the glut
21:31of novels by Asian authors
21:33is just a fad?
21:34I'm sorry, but I don't think
21:36that my book made the Booker
21:38shortlist just because of my name.
21:40It's there because of the vast
21:42philosophical and cultural resources
21:44I have as a nation.
21:46The thousands of years
21:47of civilisation,
21:48the indelible scars
21:49left by the struggle
21:50for independence,
21:52the duality of the immigrant experience.
21:55And that's what your book's about,
21:56is it?
21:57Yeah.
21:57Your book,
21:58The Little Bear That Goes Shopping?
22:00Yeah.
22:06Isn't it fundamentally
22:07about a teddy bear
22:08who goes shopping?
22:10I'm sorry.
22:11I find that interpretation
22:13incredibly Eurocentric.
22:15I agree.
22:16I think your subjective judgments
22:18are based on imperialistic preconceptions.
22:21I feel that one of the reasons
22:22that my book has been nominated
22:24is that I leave it to the reader
22:25to make these moral decisions.
22:27Yeah, you also leave it to the reader
22:28to colour in their own pictures.
22:32That's because there is a tradition
22:34of pictorial representation
22:36in Indian literature
22:37of which you are
22:38completely ignorant.
22:39Exactly.
22:40I mean, I think to fully appreciate
22:42my work,
22:43the reader has to use
22:44his own imagination,
22:46his own reference points.
22:47His own crayons.
22:50Look, look,
22:51I'm a serious novelist.
22:52My book has integrity,
22:53it has warmth.
22:54And a free packet of balloons.
22:57You are denigrating
22:58a serious artistic movement.
23:00So, bandwagon
23:02Virginian artistic movement.
23:04Let's ask our third author,
23:05Indira Pakistani.
23:08I am in total agreement
23:10with them.
23:13Didn't he used to be
23:14Geoffrey Acher?
23:16No.
23:17No.
23:26Now, you get your ass
23:27down to the phone
23:28in Union Square.
23:29You've got 30 seconds.
23:30You don't pick up
23:31after 10 rings,
23:32I'm gonna detonate the bomb.
23:34Good luck.
23:35Good luck.
23:54Hello?
23:56Hello?
23:58Shit.
24:05I just like doing things
24:06my way, Captain.
24:07Okay, Detective.
24:08That's it.
24:09I'm sick of you
24:10and your maverick methods.
24:12You're suspended.
24:13I want your badge
24:15and your piece
24:15on my desk right now.
24:32Look out!
24:33It's the blacked up men!
24:43Let me tell you
24:44about a man named Jolson.
24:45Some folk thought
24:46that his act
24:47was really wholesome.
24:48He and his pals
24:48had to share the blame
24:49for giving us
24:50what we call
24:51the minstrel pains.
24:52Al blacked up his face,
24:53insulted a race,
24:54in talking movies
24:55that the world
24:56didn't embrace.
24:56He was the first
24:57of what we now can't stand,
24:58the first 20th century
25:00blacked up man.
25:01They were
25:02the blacked up men!
25:06Surely you remember!
25:10Look out!
25:12It's the blacked up men!
25:15With their strange agendas!
25:19Othello was Shakespeare's
25:20hero with a flaw.
25:21The great white
25:21doves blacked up
25:22to play the great
25:23more forgetting the facts.
25:24Othello was black
25:25and not a fat white man
25:26covered in cack.
25:28Well, then Olivier
25:28should be admonished
25:29for covering up
25:30with cherry blocks
25:31and boot polish.
25:32Stay for the first
25:33to start the trend.
25:34of being Hollywood's
25:35blacked up men!
25:36They were
25:38the blacked up men!
25:40One time!
25:42Surely you remember!
25:44Too many times!
25:46Look out!
25:47It's the blacked up men!
26:12They were the blacked up men!
26:15women!
26:15They were the blacked up men!
26:17Surely you remember!
26:18surely you remember!
26:19Blacked up men!
26:21Blacked up men!
26:21Look out!
26:22It's the blacked up men!
26:25Blacked up men!
26:26With their strange agendas!
26:29They were the blacked up men!
26:29Now we move on!
26:30Now we move on to Alec Guinness!
26:32He saw his reputation diminish!
26:34A passage to India!
26:35Tale about a myth!
26:36He plays a guru from avarist!
26:38With mad infections!
26:39Fucky complexions!
26:40All of it begs!
26:41Just one simple question!
26:42Why oh why when he was off course?
26:44Didn't Obi-Wan Kenobi just use the force?
26:48Who were the blacked up men?
26:52Surely you remember!
26:57Look out!
26:58It's the blacked up men!
27:01With their strange agendas!
27:04Got no hang-up with actors who black up
27:07as long as they're good and watch their make-up!
27:09If that's okay and you want to please us,
27:11just let a black guy white up and play Jeeps!
27:14The difference between us and them is
27:16we make this look good!
27:41We make this look good!
27:41We make this look good!
27:42We make this look good!
28:03Buluji, how many times must the soul be reincarnated before it reaches Nirvana?
28:09Ah, my child. There is no limit to the number of transmigratory cycles through which the soul may pass. Only
28:17when the soul is completely pure can one obtain union with the Supreme Being.
28:23Yes, Guruji, you're right.
28:25Yes.
28:26Piece of pie, piece of pie!
28:32Goodness gracious me!
28:41Piece of pie is my arrow.
28:42Can you allow me to make an arrow?
28:42You
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