Goodness Gracious Me brought iconic British-Asian comedy to TV with hilarious sketches, unforgettable characters, and sharp cultural satire 😂🔥 From “Going for an English” to legendary family moments, the show became a comedy classic that still feels ahead of its time. A true gem of British television and South Asian humor 🇬🇧🇮🇳
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#goodnessgraciousme #britishcomedy #asiancomedy #southasian #classiccomedy #ukcomedy #comedysketch #cultclassic #britishtv #funnyclips #comedyshow #90scomedy #satire #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #retrohumor #tvclassics #desihumor #bbccomedy #iconicshows #comedygold #nostalgiatv #britishasian #dailymotion #comedymoments #sketchcomedy #retroshows #classicbritishtv
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FunTranscript
00:25Good
00:26Goddash gracious me
00:29Welcome to Sports Watch
00:30This week coming to you from the training camp of the British Kabaddi squad
00:34Imported from the Indian subcontinent, Kabaddi is a game not unlike Tag or British Bulldog
00:39And joining me now, as I'm sure you've probably already guessed
00:42Is Britain's new number one, Sunil Joshi
00:44Sunil, hello
00:45I am the number one
00:48Yep, yep, congratulations
00:49Thank you
00:50Can you tell us a little bit about the game, please?
00:52Sure, sure
00:52Well, there are two teams
00:53And each member of one team has got to reach the opposite side without being stopped, right?
00:57But he's got to keep saying, Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi, Kabaddi
00:59Like that
01:00Till he runs out of breath
01:01He needs strong lungs
01:02Yeah, I can imagine
01:03And this is the first time that Britain has had a Kabaddi team
01:05First time, yes
01:06And I am the number one
01:09Yeah, yeah
01:10I can't help noticing you're actually the only one
01:15Yes, number one
01:17Yeah, right
01:18What do you say to the critics who suggest that the only reason you've come to Britain
01:21Is because you couldn't get into the Indian team?
01:27It is jealousy
01:29I am every right to be the British team
01:30I don't like spicy food
01:32I don't like Americans
01:34I got this nice Jimmy Savile role suit
01:38And also my mother was English
01:41Oh, right
01:41I didn't realise that
01:42What was her name?
01:46Vanessa
01:48Vanessa
01:50Redgrave
01:53What, the actress?
01:54Yeah, no
01:55No, she works in shop in Bethnal Green
01:59Anyway, I have every right to represent my country
02:01I love England
02:02But on your visa application
02:04Did you not say
02:05That the reason for your visit
02:06Was to try to wangle my way
02:08Into the British Kabaddi squad?
02:15God, you people make me sick
02:17Every time an Englishman does well
02:18You try to destroy my good friend
02:20Greg Ruski and Lennox Lonex
02:22Really?
02:23Oh, you speak English with a funny accent
02:25You can't be British
02:26And then when they start winning
02:28British champion
02:29Pride of Britain
02:29You don't like it when a man's on the way up
02:31Yeah, but since becoming British
02:33Your world ranking has fallen from 76th to 910th
02:39Well, that's just
02:40Lies, damn lies
02:41And bloody bastard statistics, isn't it?
02:44But aren't these the same bloody bastard statistics
02:46That have just made you Britain's number one?
02:49Yes
02:51Pardon?
02:51Look, I'm English
02:52Look, ask me any questions
02:54Ask me which football team I support
02:55Go on, ask me
02:56Ask me
02:56All right
02:57What football team do you support?
02:58England
03:00Ask me which cricket team
03:01Ask me which cricket team
03:01Which cricket team?
03:03You see?
03:05Step to one, son
03:06Tennis compter
03:07Lord Mark, baton
03:08D&D, barlow
03:08Woo, matron
03:09John Paul, George
03:09And Ringo
03:11Let us get Cliff Richard
03:12I have very lungs
03:14All right, all right
03:14Just one more question
03:15No, no, I can't talk to you no more
03:17I've got to practise
03:17Come on, come on
03:18Come on
03:19I am
03:21Stitch
03:21Stitch
03:21I
03:24Sunil, Joshy
03:24Thank you
03:25Paramedic
03:26Paramedic
03:33Hiya, Bobby
03:34Oh, hiya, Simi
03:36Bit of a drag, these family do's, aren't they?
03:38Keeps the parents happy, though
03:41Oh, my God
03:43What?
03:43She's here
03:45Don't look at her down
03:46She's coming over
03:47Oh, my God
03:49Bobby's tweeting
03:51Come and give your auntie a big fat kissy
03:58Put me down, you monkey
04:01You know, I used to change his nappy
04:03When he was a chota baby
04:04And let me tell you
04:05His girlfriend's gonna be a very lucky woman
04:10Are you his girlfriend?
04:11No
04:12Come on, sweetie
04:13Don't be shy
04:13You can tell me
04:14I'm very modern about these things
04:17No, no, no
04:18No, no, auntie
04:19That's Simi
04:20Namaste, auntie
04:21Slip me some skin, sister
04:24I know
04:25That's how all you youngsters talk
04:26Because I'm very young and modern myself
04:29You need to need wicked, wicked
04:32So, are you two getting it on together yet?
04:36Or still at the only upstairs touching on a first date, huh?
04:39You can tell me I'm very modern about these things
04:43No, no
04:43Me and Simi aren't going out together
04:45No, we're just in the same study group at college
04:47Oh, I get it
04:49Say no more
04:50We youngsters have to stick together, don't we?
04:52You know, I'm a bit of a rebel myself
04:55I am
04:55I was the first lady in my aerobics for India class to wear a thong
05:01But I don't care
05:02Because I'm completely mad
05:04In a very modern sort of way
05:08So, how are your children, auntie?
05:11Pardon?
05:12Oh, you have kids
05:13Where are they?
05:15I don't know
05:16Didn't they run away when they were 12?
05:20Oh, you
05:21Come on
05:22Let's put some Leo Sayer on
05:24And get these parties swinging
05:27Woo!
05:28Come on, puppy!
05:32Well, I can't quite believe it
05:35My son's going to college
05:37Leaving home
05:37And becoming a man
05:39Thanks, Dad
05:41I'll try to make you proud of me
05:43Oh, your mother and I are proud of you
05:46Aren't we?
05:48Mum?
05:49Beta
05:51Why you want to go to college, you?
05:53When I can make it at home for nothing
05:56Look, look, look
05:57This is college
05:57Oh, I'm so drunk
05:59I've just got 12 pints of lager
06:01Hmm?
06:03Oh, Mum
06:05Oh
06:07Mum, what are you doing?
06:09You want some ganja?
06:10Yeah!
06:13Ah, look
06:14I'll never clean the house ever again
06:16I'll leave tins of beans out
06:18To let hair grow on them
06:19Hmm?
06:20Dirt and filth is all here
06:21Dad
06:22Oh, leave me out of this
06:23Look
06:24I'm a student
06:25I'm balancing a traffic code on my head
06:28It's not a traffic code
06:30It's a small aubergine
06:31Aubergine, traffic code
06:32I'm too drunk to tell the difference
06:33Come on, join in
06:41Oh, I quite agree
06:42It's really important for children to do sports
06:45Yeah, you'll find that a lot of your kids these days
06:48Are really unhealthy
06:49Not like our little darling, eh?
06:52He wins this race every year
06:54Will all contestants for the three-legged race
06:56Please take their places
06:58Thank you
06:59On your marks
06:59Get set
07:04Whoa!
07:20Come on!
07:30Well, if they were real Prada, they'd be waterproof, right?
07:32So it wouldn't matter how many blisters burst in them, would it?
07:35Go away and get me a size two
07:38Shiroppity factory, eh?
07:39Yeah
07:39So anyway, where do you want to go for lunch?
07:41Oh, I've already eaten
07:43When?
07:44Last Tuesday
07:45I had two rice cakes and a bottle of avian
07:48Two rice cakes?
07:49Don't worry
07:50I sicked it all up
08:01Welcome to the indoor arena at Neasden for this very special edition of Asian Gladiators
08:09And making life tough for the contestant tonight is new Asian Gladiator, the Pharmacist
08:15Pharmacist stands at five foot four and a half inches
08:17He weighs in at seven stone three and his bicep measurement is negligible
08:21And taking on the Pharmacist tonight is contestant number one, Aunty Bimler
08:26Aunty Bimler is a biscuit packer from Slough in Berkshire
08:29Her hobbies are cooking food and eating it
08:32Aunty stands at four foot nothing and weighs in at seven stone three pounds and sixpence
08:38Contender ready
08:44Gladiator ready
08:47Three, two, one
08:51And Pharmacist is a formidable adversary
08:53He's 35, got a diploma, a string of shops and a second-hand Mercedes
08:57But he's still not married
08:58What can Aunty Bimler do about that?
09:01And she's gone straight for the cotton bud
09:03Oh, right to the side of the temple
09:04Pharmacist is down
09:06Aunty Bimler shows no mercy
09:07She's pushing him, she's shoving him
09:09She's in complete control
09:11And there's the bride
09:12Oh my goodness, he's going to have his nuptials in a sling tonight
09:20Hungry today
09:22But so she's
09:30Oh, you don't want to go in there, mate
09:34Oh, I see
09:35I get it
09:36This is about the colour of my skin, isn't it?
09:38What's the matter?
09:38Don't want my ether urine going down the same drain hole
09:40My warm Asian water violating your white
09:43Ah, white porcelain urinals
09:45Is that it, eh?
09:46Or is it my manhood you're scared of, eh?
09:48My vast Asian python
09:50Standing proud and unbeaten in the home of the
09:52Imperialist fascist slave mongers
09:54Is that it, eh?
09:56You know what?
09:57Please yourselves
10:02Fascist!
10:08God damn it
10:09Bullshit to hell, yeah
10:10I hate flying
10:12Yeah, bullshit to hell, me too
10:14I mean, Daddy's driver usually takes me everywhere
10:16Please, sit here
10:18Um, would you like a bold sweet?
10:21Darling, please
10:23Get some Belgian truffles and we'll talk
10:26Excuse me, I think you're sitting in my seat
10:28Excuse me, I don't think so
10:30This is club class, yeah?
10:31God, drying it on factor, oh what?
10:34Listen, I paid 20,000 rupees for that seat, right?
10:36Yeah, well, I paid 30,000 for this hairdo
10:38Here's 20 bucks, now scram
10:42What a schedule car scumbag factor
10:45I suppose they've got their own seat quota
10:47Or some such goddammit bullshit
10:49Exactly
10:50God, here comes another one
10:52Excuse me
10:53Economy class seating back that way
10:55Just looking for the toilet
10:56What's the point?
10:58You smell like you've already been
11:01Some people really make me sick, you know
11:04You know, these poor people could travel to first class
11:06If they really wanted to
11:08Tell it, sister factor, yeah?
11:09Of course
11:10All they have to do is get up off their arses
11:13And work a bit harder
11:14I mean, look at me, right?
11:16When I ran out of credit cards
11:17I simply rolled up my sleeves
11:19Phoned up my daddy
11:21And he got me a job
11:21Really?
11:23What was that?
11:24Duh
11:24We're air hostesses
11:26Goddammit bullshit to help
11:37I have an appointment with a nurse at five
11:39Oh, just take a seat
11:40She won't be long
11:41Okay, thanks
11:44See me, Betty
11:47Oh, bugger
11:49Come and give your auntie a big fat kissy
11:53Oh, put me down, monkey chokes
11:59So, what are you in for today?
12:01Um, coil, cap
12:03General, shake and vac down below, huh?
12:06You can tell me
12:07I'm very modern about female matters, you know
12:10Actually, it's just a touch of the flu, that's all
12:14Oh, I see
12:16Nudge wink, nudge wink, say no more
12:18You're two weeks late, getting a bit panicky, huh?
12:22We modern women go through such bull, don't we?
12:25Men, we hate them, don't we?
12:27You can't find a good one
12:29And then three of them come along all at once
12:31Like trains
12:33Don't you mean buses?
12:34No, trains are more modern
12:37So you're a bit upset because you don't know who the father is
12:40Shh, auntie, could you please keep your voice down a bit?
12:42Oh, is it your medicine?
12:43Auntie, please
12:44Take three a day for acute cyclitis
12:47Oh, she had cyclitis, is that all?
12:50That's cystitis, auntie
12:52No, no, we modern women get cyclitis all the time
12:54When we've been riding our bicycles too much, you see
12:57I wish I was dead
12:59I understand, I get all the modern diseases
13:01Because I'm so young and modern myself
13:06Is this being a Sharbra?
13:08That's my name, don't wear it out, old woman
13:12Your prescription's ready to pick up
13:13Oh, for my sick husband
13:17What?
13:18Six months' supply of HRT?
13:22Pardon?
13:23Oh, what the hell?
13:25Let's put some leocere on and get this tragedy swinging
13:44Good afternoon
13:45Are you expected?
13:47Yes
13:48And whom, shall I say, is calling?
13:51You shall say, Mr. and Mrs. Dennis Cooper
13:55Very well
13:56Step this way
13:58Stepping
13:59Stepping
14:00Stepping
14:04May I take your hat, sir?
14:07No, get your own
14:09I don't think I could hang it up for you, darling
14:12I knew that
14:14Dennis, Charlotte
14:16Sarjita
14:17It's St. John, darling
14:19Both wrong, actually
14:21It's Lord St. John
14:23Of Epping
14:27And Lady Vanessa
14:29Of also Epping
14:31How marvellous
14:32Yes
14:34The titles came free with the stately home
14:36Let's give you the guided tour
14:39This is the entrance hall
14:41Built by Henry X
14:43Beautiful
14:45Spiffing
14:46Notice the 16th century floorboards
14:49Laid down in 1348
14:50By Edward the 22nd
14:52Yes
14:53The plastic hallway matting
14:56Complements them perfectly
15:00What's this?
15:01This is the stained glass window
15:04Stained, huh?
15:06Have you tried rubbing it with vinegar?
15:09Stained on purpose
15:11He knew that
15:12We started work on the garden
15:18We're having it all taken up
15:19And putting a 15-acre patio in its place
15:30Oh
15:31Would anybody else like a drink?
15:34One of Bims?
15:35Of course
15:36Dennis?
15:37Oh
15:38Just a drink for me, please
15:39I'll drink for mellows
15:44Tell me, St. John
15:45What's that strange smell?
15:48Ah
15:48The smell of the countryside, Dennis
15:50Horses, don't you know?
15:52Huh
15:52Have you horses?
15:54Not bloody likely
15:55I can't stand the buggers
15:56Yes
15:57That's why we buy a bag of manure every week
15:59And leave it in the corner over there
16:03Give it that authentic country feel
16:07You bang, my lady
16:08Yes, Mellers
16:09Could you get our guests a drink?
16:11Certainly
16:11Mr. Cooper
16:12Hey, Ramla
16:14Doh glassy whisky
16:18Don't speak to the staff like that in the country, Dennis
16:22One jug of Pim's
16:24And one jug of whisky smellers
16:26And hurry it up
16:27Oh, I'll give you a damn good thrashing
16:31What's that?
16:33Ah
16:33The family crest
16:35Yes, it shows a British bulldog
16:38Rampant in a field of royal blue
16:40And inscribed above
16:42The family motto
16:44Sea non est albus
16:46Not nest bonum
16:50What does that mean?
16:52If it ain't white
16:53It ain't right
16:57I say that fireplace must be lovely and warm in the winter
17:01Yes
17:02Although we haven't actually managed to light it yet
17:05Yes, but the neighbours have been very helpful
17:08They bring round wood and fuel and matches
17:11And light it all for us
17:12Then just pop it through the letterbox
17:15Charming
17:16Yes, folk in the country are so much more friendly
17:19Mmm
17:19They've even invited us shooting next week
17:22And they've even offered us a 15-second head start
17:30Really?
17:31If you go down that path
17:34Then you are undermining the very foundations
17:37One cannot compromise the integrity of the edifice
17:42Remember the words of Swami Naruda
17:44Latrine me jau
17:46Bogrol lagau
17:48You need a team
17:49Put that in that bowl
17:53Well
17:54Saudi, I'm doing it anyway
17:59Thank God
18:05Listen, Malkit
18:06We need to talk
18:08What?
18:09Well, this isn't working out
18:12I get it
18:13This isn't about us not working out
18:15This is about the colour of my skin
18:16No, it isn't
18:17Don't let the brown man touch the white man's woman
18:19You're threatened by the primeval power
18:21Of my savage ethnic sexuality
18:22You're having an affair with Sarah
18:27I belong exclusively to you, do I?
18:30Well, I've got news for you, Massa
18:31This slave's been emancipated
18:33She's my sister
18:37Your pure white family's too good
18:39For a second-class citizen like me, is that it?
18:41Don't want your crystal-clear gene ball
18:42Clouded by a shovel full of fertilization topsoil
18:47Malkit, just listen to me
18:48I'm not taking any more of your crap
18:50Either she goes or I go
18:54All right
18:56Sarah, bugger off
19:07Ladies and gentlemen
19:08And all those people in economy class
19:11Welcome to this India Airways flight
19:13235 from Bombay to London
19:16We're now preparing for take-off
19:18So we've got to go through the goddammit
19:21Bullshit safety procedure
19:22Now, in the unlikely event of any fault occurring
19:26Please remember that we only took this job
19:28Because of the glamour factor
19:30So just keep out of our faces, Pops
19:33Right, the flight takes nine hours
19:35And our nail polish takes eight to dry
19:37So then we'll be no duty-free
19:39Until we reach Turkey
19:42Should there be a sudden fall in cabin pressure
19:44Oxygen masks will drop from above your heads
19:47Well, they wouldn't normally
19:48Only I've just had my hair done
19:50Once I switch that off
19:52When we reach Heathrow
19:53Please wait to be herded for immigration
19:55While we rush off to the Met Bar
19:58To meet our great pal
19:59Tara Farmer Tomkinson
20:02Cufftails will be served at nine
20:04Cocaine will be available in the toilets at 11
20:06And we will be rubbing baby lotion
20:08Into a B-list celebrity
20:12Thanks for your attention
20:14Like we give a damn, Pops
20:21There we go
20:21Now the good thing about these
20:23Is that you can make them at home
20:24For absolutely nothing at all
20:26Oh
20:28Good girl
20:39Good girl
20:39And welcome to Youth Chat Innit
20:41The no-holes-barred show
20:42On the cutting edge of British-Asian
20:43Youth Fusion-styly thing
20:44Today we're gupshipping about relationships
20:47With our panel of young British-Asian hipsters
20:49Who've chosen a more traditional path
20:50Good girl gang
20:51Good girl
20:52All right, safe, safe
20:54So kids, spill the doll
20:56Give us some soundbites on British-Asian love nowadays
20:59Bobby
21:00Personally I believe that
21:02The Western concept of romantic love is a myth
21:06Yeah
21:07That is why I'm reverting back to
21:12Introduction through the family
21:14And you know, arrange marriage and all that
21:16Yeah
21:16Radical
21:17Radical
21:19Simi
21:19Oh, I mean, I agree
21:20I think that, you know
21:21Western-style serial monogamy
21:22Is, it's a soulless path to dread
21:24I mean, especially for women
21:25Yeah
21:26Well, I'd like to sleep with as many people as possible
21:30Oh, pardon?
21:31Oh, God
21:3220 at once
21:33I don't mind
21:34Because I'm very modern that way
21:37Yeah, listen, I'm sorry
21:38Oh, don't be sorry, baby chops
21:40Just be careful
21:41And if you can't be careful
21:42At least wipe me down afterwards
21:45No, no
21:46I'm sorry, but this is supposed to be a youth chat show
21:49Well, why are you all behaving like OAP wrinkly smellies, then?
21:54Well, why are they talk about marriage
21:56When you can just go on the pill and have cars with reclining seats?
22:00Don't stop it, Aunty, right?
22:01I mean, you're disgracing us and yourself
22:03Yeah
22:06What's the matter with you, Miss Iron Knickers?
22:09Frustrating because you didn't get it last night?
22:11Oh, don't you're so disgusting
22:13I'll tell you what's disgusting
22:15You have all this freedom and you piddle it away
22:18In my day, there was no such thing as foreplay
22:20We had to make our own entertainment with a bangin' and a stick
22:25I mean, not in my day, in old people's days
22:28Because I'm very young and modern, you see
22:31Yeah, I think it might be best if you leave the studio, aren't you?
22:33Yeah, yeah
22:35Oh, you kidders crack me out in it and it
22:38Come on
22:38Let's put some Leo Sayer on and get this studio swinging
23:04Excuse me, sir
23:05Oh, I get it
23:06This isn't about excuse me, sir
23:08You're persecuting me because I'm an ethnic youth, aren't you?
23:11You and your fascist bully boy colleagues of jackbooted, brown-shirted stormtroopers
23:16For an outmoded, imperialist, crypto-fascist state, eh?
23:20Well, keep the brown man down
23:22That's your game, isn't it?
23:23I don't see you harassing any white kids around here, eh?
23:26Eh?
23:26You're brutalising me because of the colour of my skin, aren't you?
23:29Well, yes
23:35Oh, oh, ow
23:41Matches
23:54Meow, pussycats
23:57Yeah, it's me, Smita Smitten, showbiz
24:02Thingy
24:02Sniffing around the showbiz
24:08And today, I'm very happy
24:11No, I really, really am
24:16I can't stand any more of your disgusting self-pity and delusion
24:21Bye-bye, mummy
24:22I'm leaving you alone with all these filthy cats
24:26I imagine you'll die a lonely death
24:29Your rotting corpse found only when the street dogs have gnawed it into anonymity
24:37Love you, mummy
24:41And now, viewers
24:42An exclusive interview with the gorgeous Art Malik
24:49Hi, Art
24:53Aw, did you enjoy the ducks, my sweetheart?
25:04So healthy
25:14See my brother muffins walking down the street
25:18Hanging their heads like they're in defeat
25:22That's because everybody is in cahoots
25:25From stopping pangra muffins getting back to their roots
25:29I'm getting juggie with it
25:32I'm getting juggie with it
25:35Juggie with it
25:36I'm getting huggy with it
25:40I'm so money with it
25:42I'm getting buggy with it
25:44Tell everybody
25:45Hey, kiss my chatty
25:47I'm getting juggie
25:52Take from the best
25:53Leave out the rest
25:55A little from the east
25:57A little from the west
25:59You decide where and how you gonna sit
26:03Cross-legged, bow-legged
26:05That's getting juggie
26:06I'm getting juggie with it
26:10I'm getting juggie with it
26:12I'm getting huggy with it
26:17I'm so money with it
26:19I'm getting buggy with it
26:21Tell everybody
26:22Hey, kiss my chatty
26:24I'm turning
26:25Out on a date
26:30Ready to pay the price
26:32Giving up the bland
26:34Embracing the spice
26:36Flames emerging
26:38From both front and behind
26:40Don't do each other, grill
26:41But we made up our minds
26:43We're getting juggie with it
26:45Getting juggie with it
26:49Getting juggie with it
26:50Not being funny with it
26:54I'm making money with it
26:56I'm getting money with it
26:58Tell everybody
26:59Hey, kiss my chatty
27:01I'm turning juggie
27:05The Queen's Garden Party is a element
27:09Sipping tea and chatting with establishment
27:12In the cricket we are Asian
27:15In the football we're Jamaican
27:17And if we got good reason
27:18We'll be sick and they're needing
27:20Getting juggie with it
27:23I'm getting juggie with it
27:26I'm getting juggie with it
27:27Juggie with it
27:27Not being funny with it
27:29I'm making money with it
27:33Making money with it
27:33I'm getting juggie with it
27:35Tell everybody
27:36Hey, kiss my chatty
27:38I'm turning juggie with it
27:43Some kids got no clue who they are
27:45And how they made
27:46Checking in the mirror
27:48The identity parade
27:50We just say you fitting
27:52Where you wanna fit
27:53Up your eyes and rocks my life
27:56That's getting juggie
27:57Getting juggie with it
27:59Juggie with it
28:01Getting juggie with it
28:05Juggie with it
28:06Juggie with it
28:21Juggie with it
28:22I say Dennis
28:23This fox hunting's a bloody good luck
28:25What?
28:26Yes
28:27But I keep falling off
28:29Behind the wall
28:30Yes
28:36Good news, gracious me.
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