Goodness Gracious Me brought iconic British-Asian comedy to TV with hilarious sketches, unforgettable characters, and sharp cultural satire 😂🔥 From “Going for an English” to legendary family moments, the show became a comedy classic that still feels ahead of its time. A true gem of British television and South Asian humor 🇬🇧🇮🇳
#goodnessgraciousme #britishcomedy #asiancomedy #southasian #classiccomedy #ukcomedy #comedysketch #cultclassic #britishtv #funnyclips #comedyshow #90scomedy #satire #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #retrohumor #tvclassics #desihumor #bbccomedy #iconicshows #comedygold #nostalgiatv #britishasian #dailymotion #comedymoments #sketchcomedy #retroshows #classicbritishtv
#goodnessgraciousme #britishcomedy #asiancomedy #southasian #classiccomedy #ukcomedy #comedysketch #cultclassic #britishtv #funnyclips #comedyshow #90scomedy #satire #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #retrohumor #tvclassics #desihumor #bbccomedy #iconicshows #comedygold #nostalgiatv #britishasian #dailymotion #comedymoments #sketchcomedy #retroshows #classicbritishtv
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:25Good and gracious me!
00:32I call this meeting of Dill Electronics to order.
00:37We have a new man starting with us today.
00:41A new man jamming the tea.
00:43He is from England, so let's be gentle with him.
00:49His name is, erm...
00:52Jo...
00:53Oh, it's Jonathan.
00:56Do you know that?
00:56No, no, sorry, it's, it's Jonathan.
01:02Yeah, yeah.
01:03Juliana.
01:05No, no.
01:07Jonathan.
01:10Jamu and Kashmir.
01:13I don't know you English with your complicated...
01:18Hang on a minute, hang on a minute.
01:20There's nothing complicated about it.
01:22There's only three syllables.
01:24Listen.
01:25Jo...
01:25Jo...
01:26Nuh...
01:28Nuh...
01:29Thun.
01:30Thun.
01:30Jonathan.
01:31Bang!
01:35Haven't you got a short version?
01:37Juna.
01:38No, it's Jonathan.
01:39Juggie.
01:40Jonathan.
01:41Munna.
01:42It's Jonathan!
01:43No need to get angry, y'all.
01:46Always saying is you're not in Jolly England anymore, sipping tea and doing the Morrison dancing.
01:54Why make everyone's life difficult by giving yourself a silly, hard to pronounce, foreign name, huh?
02:03Look, all I'm saying is that my name's not Januthan or Jandalayan or Bunty, right, or anything like that.
02:12It's Jonathan.
02:13I mean, it's quite simple.
02:14It's quite straightforward.
02:16It's just Jonathan.
02:18Okay, y'all have it your way.
02:20But I don't see you progressing very far in this firm with a name like that.
02:25Well, what do you mean by that?
02:27People might think you're a troublemaker.
02:29If you insist on keeping your long-winded English name.
02:33So, everyone, may I introduce...
02:37Joginder Pal, Shiva Rama Guru, Patty Murti.
02:49Why don't we skip dessert and get out of here?
02:53Why?
02:54What have you got in mind?
02:56Nothing.
02:56It's just that you're already quite fat, innit?
03:03Check, please.
03:07What's the matter, Bitta?
03:08You seem troubled.
03:10Well, we're Sikhs, right?
03:12But what does that mean?
03:14To be a Sikh?
03:16How do I fit into the hundreds of years of culture?
03:19How do I apply the teachings of Guru Nanak and the Guru Granthal?
03:22Bitta, Bitta, Bitta, stop.
03:23Calm down.
03:24It's very simple.
03:26Listen carefully.
03:27Hmm?
03:29You are a man.
03:31Hmm?
03:31Do you have a turban?
03:33So, you are a Sikh man.
03:37Is that it?
03:39What about metaphysics and ethics and philosophy?
03:42Bubinder!
03:44Yes, Dolly, what is it?
03:45He wants to know what it means to be a Sikh.
03:49You told him?
03:50Man-pug-pug-man?
03:51I don't know.
03:52What's more?
03:53More?
03:54Now you listen to me, boy.
03:56You got a pug.
03:57You got a man.
03:58You put a pug on man.
03:59Sick!
04:03Isn't there anything more?
04:04What? Look!
04:05You have cup, you have saucer.
04:07Put a cup on saucer, you have cup of tea.
04:10Put a pug on man, you got sick.
04:13Oh!
04:15And that thing you do with your hands?
04:18Very bad.
04:24Good evening, and welcome to the Albert Hall,
04:27where we are privileged to be witnessing
04:29the first ever concert outside their native land
04:32of the Calcutta Male Voice Choir.
04:35The vocal techniques involved may sound strange to our ears,
04:39but they have evolved over thousands of years.
04:42Ah, and the conductor has taken his position on the podium.
04:46In a charming gesture, I understand that the choir
04:49will be opening their programme
04:50with their own unique version of Beethoven's fifth symphony.
04:54Come...
04:57...
04:59Aaaaaaaah!
05:02Aaaaaaaaah!
05:04Aaaaaah!
05:06Aaaaah!
05:27This club is massive, man.
05:30Massive.
05:31Yeah, man.
05:32And it's the fierce place to pick up to...
05:34Ross Malone.
05:36Yeah, man.
05:37That's why I'm meeting Bindia here, innit?
05:39Bindia?
05:40What happened to Juggy, man?
05:41I thought we'd meet him in here, innit?
05:43No way, man.
05:43I ditched him.
05:45That geezer is no longer in our crew, man.
05:46Whoa.
05:48So, who's in our crew, man?
05:50We are...
05:51Cool!
05:53But Juggy was our friend, man.
05:55Man, I've been thinking about our new image.
05:58And Juggy does not fit the picture, man.
06:00He's total bestie, man.
06:01Whereas we are cool.
06:05What new image, man?
06:07Man, I've been listening to that new Brit pop leader, Tony Blur.
06:11Oh, yeah.
06:13He changed his image, man.
06:14Now he's top of the pops, innit?
06:15Oh, I know him, man.
06:16He's got some wicked, wicked, wicked wife.
06:19Yeah, man.
06:20But that's what we've got to do, man.
06:22We've got to redefine ourselves in order to attract the middle ground...
06:26Trust my lord.
06:28We previously did not trust our policies, innit?
06:30Oh.
06:32Uh, but it's tough on Juggy, innit?
06:36Well, that is the new us, man.
06:38Tough on Juggy.
06:39Whoa.
06:39Tough on the causes of Juggy, man.
06:41Whoa, yeah, yeah.
06:43But hang on, hang on, hang on.
06:44It sounds like we're abandoning our traditional values, man.
06:48What?
06:49You mean sitting in your bedroom with a bag of mixed pakoras listening to your one CD?
06:54Yes.
06:56Well, you can keep those traditional values, man.
06:59Bunga muffins deserve better.
07:00I'm telling you, man, with our new image, right?
07:02The women will be all over us, man.
07:04We'll be up to our necks in a russ-molli landslide.
07:07And we'll experience a major swing to the left.
07:10This sounds dangerous, man.
07:13Dangerous.
07:13That's right, man.
07:14New muffins, new danger.
07:17Oh, look.
07:17There's Bindia, man.
07:18Check out the new image in action.
07:23Sure.
07:24Bindia.
07:27Whoa.
07:28Juggy.
07:33Juggy.
07:36It's back to my place, innit?
07:38Yeah, man.
07:39Pick up some mixed pakoras on the way, innit?
07:43Yeah, yeah!
07:50I think it's just so great that you're a doctor.
07:52Oh.
07:53Because I've got this rash, see?
07:59Check, please.
08:03Ah.
08:09Ray, what's the matter, son?
08:10You look worried.
08:12Dad, we're Hindus, right?
08:14Correct.
08:15And Hinduism goes back thousands and thousands of years, right?
08:19It stems from one of the earliest civilizations on Earth, right?
08:24Its religious texts are some of the most remarkable
08:27and complex discussions of the human condition known to man, right?
08:31Right.
08:33What does it mean?
08:35I'm a Hindu.
08:36What does it really mean?
08:37Ah, my son.
08:39You're indeed right.
08:40It is a very complex and intricate religion.
08:44There are many gods.
08:45There are many texts.
08:47But they all point to one universal principle.
08:51No beef.
08:53You see, the non-believer will say cheeseburger.
08:56The believer will say no thanks.
08:57But, Dad!
08:58Bourgignon, no merciful food.
09:00But, Dad!
09:00Fried with onions, no bloody likely.
09:01But surely, Dad!
09:02I'll tell you another thing.
09:04That thing you do with your hands,
09:05it's very bad.
09:18Yow, pussycarts.
09:19Yow, it's me, Smita Smitten, showbiz kitten.
09:23Clawing away through the showbiz literary
09:26to find you hot chunks of fresh, steamy gossip
09:29to chew over in the comfort of your own living room.
09:32Right.
09:33Dear, my little pussycats,
09:34guess who's been invited
09:35to the fabulous new premiere
09:37of the latest Hollywood blockbuster?
09:39Guess?
09:41Me.
09:41That's right.
09:42Everyone who's anyone is going to be there, you know?
09:45Brad, Kevin, Keanu.
09:48Brad.
09:49And anyone who's not anyone
09:51will just have to watch me
09:52as I mingle with all the top cats.
09:54We're here.
09:56It's showtime, pussycats.
09:57Mwaw!
10:01We're closed.
10:03We open at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning.
10:10Oh, look!
10:11There's the gorgeous Art Malik.
10:19Hey, moviegoers!
10:21After tonight's feature,
10:22why not eat your taste buds
10:23on a culinary journey?
10:24We offer you the authentic taste of England
10:26right here in India.
10:28Let our English chef delight you
10:29with his traditionally prepared dishes,
10:31including potatoes,
10:33chicken,
10:34and also peas.
10:35All eggs.
10:36Patton's English restaurant,
10:37222 Bikes Loyal Place,
10:39Bombay,
10:39just around the corner
10:40from this cinema.
10:48Bombay is the restaurant capital
10:49of India.
10:50So how come every Friday night
10:51we end up here, eh?
10:53Because that's what you do,
10:54you go out,
10:56you get tanked up
10:56on last season,
10:57you go for an English.
10:58Huh?
10:58Yeah.
10:59I mean,
11:00it wouldn't be a Friday night
11:01if we didn't go for an English.
11:03Anyway,
11:03I love English food, yeah.
11:05Ah, get off.
11:06You just fancy the waiters in it, eh?
11:08Hi, hi, hi.
11:12All right, Mike.
11:16We're ready to order now.
11:22I think sir is feeling unwell.
11:24No,
11:25don't worry about him.
11:26He's fine.
11:26He's all right.
11:27He's never sick.
11:28Yeah,
11:28what's your problem, Sunny?
11:29We come here every week
11:31and spend lots of money, eh?
11:32You should be grateful.
11:32You should be grateful.
11:33Shut up!
11:34I believe it.
11:34He's all right.
11:35He's a waiter, you know.
11:36He's a mate.
11:37I say,
11:38Jamis,
11:39you're my mate,
11:41aren't you, Jamis?
11:42Jamis is my mate, you know.
11:44It's James.
11:46Jamis, yeah.
11:47That's what I said, damn it.
11:48Haven't he got lovely pale skin here?
11:51It's really nice and pasty, though.
11:53Yeah, but
11:53you know what they say
11:54about white men, don't you?
11:57All right.
11:58What are we having now?
12:00Okay, Jamis.
12:01All right, first up,
12:02we'll have ten.
12:02No, twelve.
12:04Twelve.
12:05Twelve bread rolls.
12:07And bring some of that fancy stuff.
12:09What's your time?
12:10Butter.
12:11Oh, butter, yeah.
12:16Okay, main course,
12:17what's everyone having here?
12:18What's the blandest thing on the menu?
12:23Stampy is particularly bland.
12:25I'll have that.
12:26And bring a fork and knife.
12:29Listen, listen,
12:30I'm going to have the same as him.
12:32No.
12:32Except I'm also going to have
12:35prawn cocktail.
12:36Hi, hi.
12:37You said that in the morning.
12:40Gammon steak, please.
12:44Jamis.
12:46Tell you what,
12:47give him the gammon steak,
12:48but leave off all your crap
12:49and none of your peach halves
12:51and your pineapple rings.
12:52Not in his condition,
12:52you know what I mean?
12:53And I'll have the gammon steak as well,
12:55but crap on the side, okay?
12:58Um,
13:00could I just have the chicken curry, please?
13:02Oh, God,
13:03it's an English restaurant, yeah.
13:05You've got to have something English,
13:07you know,
13:07spicy, shy.
13:08But, Nitin,
13:09you know,
13:09I don't like anything too bland, yeah.
13:11Yeah,
13:11have something a little bland, huh?
13:13Hey, Jamis,
13:14what have you got
13:15that is not totally tasteless?
13:19The steak and kidney pie
13:20is only a little bit better.
13:21There you go, Nina,
13:22steak and kidney pee.
13:26Oh, yeah,
13:27it knocks me right up.
13:28I won't go to the toilet for a week.
13:29Nina,
13:30that's the point
13:31of going for an English.
13:33No, Amira,
13:33what are you going to have?
13:34Oh, well,
13:35I can't decide
13:36between the steak
13:37and kidney pee
13:38and the cod moorne.
13:39Well, I'll tell you what,
13:40you have the cod,
13:41I'll have the pee
13:41and we can mix and match.
13:42Okay,
13:43actually,
13:44I think that is the way
13:45you're supposed to eat
13:46this sort of food.
13:47Okay, okay, okay, okay.
13:48Right,
13:49we'll have two scampis,
13:50two gammon steaks,
13:51one with the crap on the side,
13:53one cod moorne,
13:55steak and kidney pee
13:56and chips.
13:58Yeah, four.
14:0024 plates of chips.
14:02You might have ordered
14:03too much, sir.
14:04What?
14:05Oi,
14:05Clive of India,
14:06who bloody asked you, Ed?
14:08Just bring us the bloody food
14:09or I'll do a moony.
14:10I'll do a moony.
14:19So you must all be models, right?
14:22What makes you say that?
14:24Well,
14:24because you're all pretty thick,
14:26innit?
14:26Yeah.
14:32Check, please.
14:38Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
14:42And welcome to this first symposium
14:44on the higher consciousness,
14:46transcendental,
14:47tantric,
14:48karmic,
14:48this thing.
14:54Tonight's lecture will be delivered
14:56by his most serene calmness,
14:58the Guru Maharishi Yogi,
15:01which is me.
15:03Hello.
15:06Now,
15:07many people in the West
15:08think that in my country,
15:10India,
15:11because of our religions,
15:13because of our histories,
15:15because of I don't know what,
15:17somehow we are more in tune
15:19with our spirituality,
15:20more at one
15:21with the forces of nature.
15:23Well,
15:24we are.
15:25The world has known
15:26all those people
15:26who said that.
15:30Now,
15:30one of the ways
15:31in which we gurus
15:32like to express
15:33our spirituality
15:34is in the form of
15:36ancient Sanskrit rags.
15:38Now,
15:39these are very similar
15:40to your Christian hymns,
15:42but they're more catchy tunes
15:44with more chapa.
15:51Now,
15:52tonight's recitation
15:53will be the story
15:55of the demon
15:55and the mongoose,
15:57which tells of
15:58the moral dilemma
15:59faced by a young man
16:00who has committed
16:01a terrible crime.
16:02I will translate
16:03from the original Sanskrit
16:04as we go along.
16:11Atamra nangam nabha jao
16:16unable to face
16:16his friends,
16:18the man is telling
16:19his mother of his crime.
16:24Ravi swatham
16:27brushed latrine
16:29ajatam
16:34Now,
16:34it seems what has happened
16:37is that he has shot
16:38a man in the head
16:38from a very close way.
16:41Now,
16:42the text does not specify
16:44the make or caliber
16:45of the type of pistol,
16:46but I would interpret
16:48that it is a small gun,
16:49possibly a .22
16:50or a Saturday night special.
16:53Now,
16:54for the first time,
16:56the text quotes
16:57the actual words
16:58spoken by the troubled man
17:00to his mother.
17:03Gawaskar
17:04Sohil
17:05Nabotham
17:08Chandarma
17:09Batman
17:10in Gotham
17:15Now,
17:16translate it.
17:17This is meaning
17:20Mama,
17:22I just killed a man.
17:25Put a gun
17:26against his head,
17:27put my trigger,
17:28now he's dead.
17:29Mama,
17:30his life
17:31had only just begun,
17:32but now I've gone
17:32and blown it all away.
17:36Galileo,
17:37Galileo.
17:53My darling,
17:54this is goodbye,
17:55unless...
17:55Don't say it,
17:56my darling,
17:56don't say it.
17:58Then order another word.
18:00You could still
18:00change your mind,
18:01you know.
18:02No, my heart,
18:02it was never meant to be.
18:04Just a brief,
18:05sojournal romance,
18:07summer cottage.
18:09Guarantee!
18:11Guarantee!
18:14Can she cup of tea,
18:15no, no, thank you.
18:17Please come with me, darling.
18:20We could live elsewhere
18:21where we wouldn't be dogged
18:23by scandal
18:23or parlour-made gossip.
18:24I've got biscuit.
18:26I've got biscuit.
18:26No, I told you.
18:30Guarantee!
18:31Why,
18:31why?
18:32Why?
18:33Why?
18:33Oh, how can I explain it to you,
18:35my love?
18:35I have responsibilities.
18:38You and I,
18:39my sweet,
18:39there is no one else.
18:41Guarantee!
18:41Guarantee!
18:42Guarantee!
18:43What happened?
18:44Guarantee!
18:46Guarantee!
18:46Guarantee!
18:47Do you mind awfully?
18:49How many guarantee you want?
18:50We don't want any.
18:51Go on,
18:52don't change your mind.
18:53We didn't want any
18:54in the first place.
18:55Well, you stopped me.
18:56You were shouting
18:57in my ear.
18:58Sorry.
19:00Look,
19:00here's a 20,
19:01now shove off.
19:02All right, mate,
19:03I've got more dignity
19:04as well,
19:04you know.
19:08Guarantee!
19:10Guarantee!
19:11Guarantee!
19:12The wretched man has gone.
19:14Now,
19:15what is it
19:15that you could never do?
19:16Oh,
19:17what's the use,
19:17my heart?
19:18Allow me to bear
19:19my sorrows alone
19:20whilst you
19:21move on
19:22like a tropical bird
19:24to sunnier climes.
19:28Novelty trumpet
19:29and a balloon
19:31that makes a rude
19:32yet entertaining sound.
19:33Behold!
19:35I can't bear it,
19:36I'll tell you,
19:37I'm losing my mind.
19:38How about
19:39a mini dollty?
19:40Blind man,
19:42and as for a blind man.
19:43I must go.
19:44Leave me to my memories.
19:46I am old
19:47and have no limbs.
19:48Darling,
19:48you...
19:50If you have
19:51your limbs,
19:51old man,
19:52you're walking
19:52and carrying a stick.
19:53Well,
19:54how should I know?
19:55I'm blind,
19:55I can't see them.
19:57I'm not blind,
19:59I'm not blind,
19:59I'm not blind,
20:01I'm not blind,
20:01I'm not blind,
20:02I'm not blind.
20:03Darling,
20:03you haven't
20:04told me why.
20:04We got him,
20:05yeah!
20:07Any for a cup
20:08on out?
20:09I'm just
20:09giving back.
20:10You wanna go,
20:11bitch!
20:11Shut up!
20:14Darling,
20:14my train.
20:16Is this
20:17your carriage?
20:17Yes,
20:18I'm up on the roof.
20:23I'll give you
20:23a leg up.
20:33goodbye,
20:34goodbye,
20:35my darling.
20:35I'll never
20:36forget you.
20:37Goodbye!
20:39Goodbye!
20:39goodbye,
20:55goodbye.
20:58You look like
20:59you could do
20:59with a cup of tea,
21:00madam.
21:08dad yes you know we're muslims right just checking and i know that thing you do with
21:15your hands is really bad it is
21:34sorry we're late got held up at the golf course what is your handicap these days still putting i'm
21:42afraid oh excellent day and this must be your wife vena ah actually i prefer to be called vanessa
22:00vanessa of course you can tell me you have such a lovely wife sarjeetam
22:06still got your charm you silver tongue devil
22:10incidentally not sarjeet no it's singen
22:15at last i get to meet the lovely mrs kapoor pronounced cooper
22:19of course well shashi dinesh has told me so much about you actually it's a charlotte
22:28then it's
22:32please do pursue me through into the parlor pursue pursuing
22:39what a lovely home you have
22:41well an english man's home is his castle then it
22:44i know that
22:48so what can i get you both to drink
22:50oh i'd love a gin and tonic
22:52me too
22:55is that indian tonic water
22:59yes it is
23:01you better make it two scotches and a soda
23:07been following the cricket
23:08oh shocking we haven't been playing too well at all
23:11well you know the cricketing world looks upon us as a developing nation
23:15of course they do but the indians have been playing very well
23:24well uh we wouldn't know about the indian team
23:29uh anyway i am more of a rugger man myself
23:33give me an oval ball any day
23:38why
23:42to play rugger with
23:43i knew that
23:47so vanessa
23:48i hear you're something of a whiz
23:50in the kitchen
23:51is that one of your famous um curries i smell cooking
23:56no it's roast lamb, roast potatoes, roast vegetables and roast gravy
23:59actually
24:01traditional food
24:04so how's that son of yours doing
24:06subash isn't it
24:07sebastian
24:09he's spending some time abroad
24:11he's taken a year off to go to india
24:14oh
24:17good god
24:18why india of all places
24:20apparently he's gone to find his roots
24:22you know what these crazy youngsters are like
24:25he says we've lost our cultural identity
24:29living here in chigwell
24:30that's fish or twaddle
24:34oh my god
24:43it's um it's a brick
24:46there's a message tied to it
24:47what does it say
24:48um it says
24:49packies go home
24:52oh good
25:02thank you
25:03thank you
25:03eh
25:04you like seafood am i right
25:06yes
25:08i could tell as soon as i picked you up
25:11because you smell of fish in it
25:19check please
25:29because when you're connor leave out the drama
25:31just stay concentrate work on your karma
25:33don't put it in mood to all the people who do you what you are what you can and cannot
25:36do
25:36if your auntie says connie hurry up and say that makes money
25:40and your uncle says do your studies we say uncle kiss my chance
25:48we don't get vexed we don't get vexed we don't get vexed by old broody's hex
26:13walk like bunjabi
26:45what does the people scale need to change
26:45he's a giant wiki
26:50mixed but goras
26:51babes gagging for us
26:52test our testosterone more than the goras
26:54plus my life
26:55act all shy
26:56tax your cash
26:57and then say
26:57bye
26:58just tease them
26:59unless you're really brave
27:01don't seize them
27:01and if they look like
27:03telly tuppy
27:04just say hey
27:05bogus my chance
27:10overachieving
27:10deep heavy breathing
27:11we think taking is better than receiving
27:13cool like the cat
27:14check out the actress
27:15spoon full of goodness
27:16in a bucket full of tap
27:17and we don't drink
27:18and we don't smoke
27:19and we do we get a comfort from the old folk
27:23just my chuggies
27:42hello
27:43hello
27:44hello
27:45can I talk to you about Krishna
27:47oh yes
27:48have you ever thought of becoming a Hindu
27:50well actually it's something I've always wanted to do
27:54well you can't
27:55sorry
27:56have a nice day
28:01goodness gracious mate
28:03good gracious mate
28:04I talking to youfortab
28:14thank you guys on me
28:17until next time
28:17thank you
28:17thank you
Comments