Goodness Gracious Me brought iconic British-Asian comedy to TV with hilarious sketches, unforgettable characters, and sharp cultural satire 😂🔥 From “Going for an English” to legendary family moments, the show became a comedy classic that still feels ahead of its time. A true gem of British television and South Asian humor 🇬🇧🇮🇳
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#goodnessgraciousme #britishcomedy #asiancomedy #southasian #classiccomedy #ukcomedy #comedysketch #cultclassic #britishtv #funnyclips #comedyshow #90scomedy #satire #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #retrohumor #tvclassics #desihumor #bbccomedy #iconicshows #comedygold #nostalgiatv #britishasian #dailymotion #comedymoments #sketchcomedy #retroshows #classicbritishtv
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FunTranscript
00:21Thank you so much for joining us.
00:31Come on, baby. It's time for bed, huh?
00:32No, I don't want to, Daddy. Go away!
00:35Hi. What is this?
00:38Come on. You don't want to be tired for school in the morning now, huh?
00:42I hate school and I hate you.
00:46Is this any way to talk to your elders?
00:49Ma, I'm her primary role model. I am the one who sets her boundaries.
00:53Oh, you want boundaries? Boundary this.
00:56If you don't go to bed, I'm going to take off my shoe and put it in your face.
01:00Ma, she might be going through her anal stage.
01:03What? What did I do? She's in anal stage. I'm in chapel stage.
01:07For God's sake, Ma. You can't bully a child into action.
01:10You have to talk to her, enlighten her, give her choices.
01:15Choices? Okay.
01:16Choose! Be your shoe in face!
01:18I don't believe this, Ma. What are you doing?
01:21What? The shoe is the most noble and ancient form of punishment.
01:27It has been handed down through the family over the generations.
01:30Oh, don't you care about your culture anymore.
01:33Ma, times have changed.
01:35She has to understand why she has to go to bed.
01:39That's how it works. Okay?
01:42Understand why.
01:43I get it. I'm sorry, beta.
01:49Now, listen, if you don't go to soja, soja, sleep, get good night's rest.
01:56You know what's going to happen?
01:57No.
01:58I'm going to take off the shoe and put it right in your face, right across it like that.
02:02Very hard.
02:03Ma, that shoe has never solved anything.
02:06Okay, I'll use the other one. It's harder.
02:09Ma, don't you understand, huh?
02:11What did that shoe ever teach me, huh? Nothing.
02:13I obey you because I respect you, not for casual violence.
02:17Is this any way to talk to your elders?
02:22Sorry, mummy.
02:23Good event.
02:23You!
02:30I'm here in this tree to blow the lid off the public health scandal that is the halal meat trade.
02:37These people with their foreign habits may seem innocent enough, but beneath the facade lurks something far more sinister.
02:47And there it is.
02:48Let's go!
02:53Mr. Rishak!
02:54Mr. Rishak!
02:56Yes?
02:57I'm Bob Nonk.
02:58Would you mind telling us what you're doing?
03:00I'm loading up my van.
03:02Yeah, but what with?
03:04Meat.
03:05And where did this meat come from?
03:08I don't know.
03:09I just picked it up.
03:10Right, so what you're saying is that it could have come from anywhere.
03:13It could be badger, or it could be rat.
03:16How do you justify feeding rat meat to an unsuspecting public?
03:21I think it's a bit big for rat.
03:24Oh, right?
03:24Okay, bigger than a rat.
03:26Could it possibly then be a horse?
03:27Do you people eat horse?
03:30No, actually it's sheep.
03:31Right, okay, so you're trading in dead sheep meat.
03:35Feeding this filth, this vermin, to innocent people who have no...
03:40It's only mutton.
03:41What?
03:42Sheep meat is mutton or lamb.
03:49Is it?
03:51Yes.
03:54Still, yuck, eh?
03:57Meow, pussycats.
03:59Yeah, it's me, Smita Smitten, showbiz.
04:02You know the rest.
04:03And welcome to another brand new pilot show.
04:07An exciting look at the sad, banal lives of everyday common folk.
04:12Like you.
04:14Yes, it's the telly, soapy, docudrama, The Airpot.
04:18And here I am with Brian.
04:20Brian, so what is it that you do, Brian?
04:27No, really.
04:28When I meant what is it you do, I really...
04:33Hey, you are 12 questions away for £1 million.
04:38Have you still got ask the audience to phone a friend, innit?
04:40What are you talking about, man?
04:42Who wants to be a millionaire at a wicked programme?
04:46I've never seen it.
04:47Well, bow down and kiss my chuddies, man.
04:51Everybody's seen it.
04:52Is it wicked?
04:53It's massive.
04:54It's got that chrissy-wissy pattern.
04:56That geezer from man-on-man?
04:58Yeah, but it's on every day.
05:01What, like countdown?
05:04Yeah, but they ask you loads of questions.
05:06What, like school?
05:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:09But then you win a million pounds, innit?
05:11Whoa, ka-ching!
05:14That's totally wicked, innit?
05:15Innit.
05:16How do we get on it, innit?
05:18On it, on it, innit?
05:19Shut up!
05:21Anyway, it's easy.
05:23Right, you just phone up.
05:23They put you on hold until an operative is available to take your call.
05:27Whoa.
05:28And how long do you have to wait, man?
05:30One half week so far.
05:32So, so, we've got to get on it and win that money, innit?
05:36Yeah.
05:36And if I won a million pounds, I'll big it up, man.
05:40Yeah?
05:40I'll get myself a fat car and a crisp designer suit from somewhere flash like, um, um, Reebok.
05:51And I'll buy my dad's shop and make him deliver the papers, man.
05:58So, what would you do with a million pounds?
06:01Pay my phone bill, innit?
06:02Oh, okay.
06:04But if you had a million pounds, right, you can live off that interest.
06:07Whoa!
06:08What interest?
06:10The interest you get from the rasmalai when they find out you've got a million pounds.
06:15Rasmalai!
06:16They love money.
06:18But I don't remember Bindia being too happy when he offered the raterno to...
06:21Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
06:24wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
06:25That was different.
06:26I was young and foolish.
06:27I realised that you can't buy women like items from a shop.
06:31you got to buy the items from a shop for the women you know what they say money
06:37doesn't make you happy man sure man what people say that
06:44Asian coming out with those kind of bugger lisms it must be difficult to win
06:48it you know if you're smart geezer like me man yeah anyway it's multiple choice
06:53and you get to ask everyone in the room what they think and if you don't know
06:57then they take away half the answers wait man so it's like GCSEs yeah yeah but the
07:04best bit is right if you're still not sure you can't find a friend whoa you can
07:08phone me man if I'm not in leave a message and I'll get back I'm not gonna phone you
07:15man I'll follow them somebody who goes to school in it
07:20oh we're through we're through we're through hey yeah we want to be millionaires man want to be
07:23millionaires 16 what says you gotta be 18 what we have to wait for four years yeah
07:33we are waiting now four years for she said two years how will hold
07:46have you got this in a size six
07:58I don't know
08:08once upon a time there were three little asian girls who all graduated from police academy
08:17sabroj jiljit and khadija they were all given very hazardous assignments
08:33and really threw themselves into their work
08:36and I'm the pretty one
08:45they proved to be every bit as good as the man
08:58especially him
09:00but all that rough stuff was culturally inappropriate
09:03so I took them away from all that and now they work for me
09:07my name is Jenna
09:18I may be wrong but I think something's going on
09:22I think so
09:23do you think we should go after that
09:25but wait we've got all our freezer stuff in the boot
09:32come on angels let's go
09:46is my hair bleeding
09:48no it's fine
09:50let's kill them horribly angels
10:16I'm sorry you just missed channel but I got him here on the
10:21intercom
10:22hi angels
10:24hi chana
10:26so angels I hope you've all learned something today
10:29and what's that chana
10:31why that a woman's place is in the home of course
10:42who the hell are you anyway
10:45I just press the enter
10:48kind of
10:49what a man's place
10:52oh
10:56oh
10:57oh
10:58oh
10:59oh
11:00oh
11:00oh
11:01oh
11:01oh
11:01oh
11:01oh
11:01oh
11:02oh
11:06oh
11:06oh
11:07i'm sorry
11:12giving marry zoom
11:14about time
11:15what kind of wedding will it be
11:17do you want a proper old-fashioned traditional wedding
11:21the kind you remember attending as a child
11:25Then come to us.
11:26The Pukka Wedding Company.
11:30We'll find you a traditional venue, a crumbling church hall in the middle of a council estate.
11:35Don't worry about food, it's all bulk produced by the same family firm.
11:40We'll also provide the DJ.
11:43And the priest.
11:46Your guests will dine in style with this traditional Punjabi table.
11:52And yes, just look at this authentically styled centrepiece.
11:58Worried about who to invite?
12:00Leave it to us.
12:02We'll provide over 200 people you've never met before.
12:06And just to make sure your old-fashioned wedding is preserved forever, we'll throw in the Video Man.
12:13Complete with those special top-of-the-pop effects we all love to see.
12:20So plan your wedding the traditional way.
12:24You'll be glad you said, I do.
12:27I do.
12:28So call us now, the Pukka Wedding Company.
12:31The Pukka Wedding Company.
12:35So, do you believe in premarital sex?
12:39Yeah.
12:40I don't have a problem with that.
12:42Great.
12:43See, I'm getting married next week, so could we shag now?
12:51Check, please.
12:54In the last episode, the Earth had strayed inexplicably from its normal orbit.
13:00As it tumbled ever closer to the sun, scientists predicted meltdown.
13:06How are those readings looking now?
13:10Since the surface temperature has reached 60 degrees and c-c-c-climbing.
13:14Well, how long have we got?
13:17Nothing can save us now.
13:28B-b-b-bang-o-man.
13:30Oh, get down, mere scientist, yaro.
13:32But, but, but, but surely even you can't do anything.
13:35What, de khada se, ee?
13:46What's he doing?
13:48Well, I don't believe it.
13:50He's using the mirrors on his traditional North Indian waist jacket to reflect the rays back to the sun.
13:56But how can he sustain the heat?
13:58Oh, I guess years of playing Punjabi weddings and tight trousers has made him immune.
14:06Watch out to the pan-dee!
14:12W-w-w-w-what?
14:14The temperature's returning to normal.
14:17Oh, and the Earth is returning to its normal orbit.
14:21Ah, we're alive!
14:25And it's all for thanks to B-b-bang-o-man.
14:27How can the world ever repay you?
14:35I'll get the milk.
14:37I'll get the little laches.
14:39O-chakade!
14:41O-chakade!
15:18O-chakade!
15:19Silly doggy!
15:21So what's your idea for perfect date?
15:24Ah, imagine walking hand in hand down a deserted tropical beach.
15:29The sun is setting in the horizon.
15:31And as we sit on the warm sand, we let the waves lap over our bare feet.
15:37Wow, I can almost feel it.
15:39Eh?
15:40Well, you're not there, innit?
15:47Check, please.
15:50Okay, next up, it's Britain's first suitable boy band.
15:53Please give it up for the High Street Boys.
16:00You are Punjabi.
16:05You've got a degree.
16:10We met through parents.
16:14Let's make arrangements.
16:18You don't have boy friends.
16:23I drive a Mercedes-Benz.
16:27To go to dress Western.
16:32To match made in Hester.
16:36Tell me why we've got no comfortable dating.
16:41Tell me why our relatives are waiting.
16:44Tell me why we're rushing the engagement.
16:50Let's make arrangements.
17:07Tell me why our folks are from the same cast.
17:20Tell me why my auntie says it makes sense.
17:26Let's make arrangements.
17:29They say in the West that true love is best.
17:34And the arrangement just brings discontent.
17:38But if love is so great.
17:41Tell me why does the rate of divorce stand at 50%.
17:46I may, we may, we may, not move you.
17:52But my mom, his mom, approved you.
17:56So let's stop looking.
18:00Tell me why we've got no time for dating.
18:09Tell me why our relatives are waiting.
18:14Tell me why we're rushing the engagement.
18:19Let's make arrangements.
18:23Let's make arrangements.
18:27Let's make arrangements.
18:31Let's make arrangements.
18:57I'm here!
19:05Skipping that! Skipping that! Skipping that! Skipping that! Skipping that!
19:21I'm telling you boys, that tuppy kid has got a lot to answer for!
19:25Stealing more women, sleeping in his fat pyjamas and his nice indoors!
19:29But I'm stuck out here in a sorting grade!
19:32Not ever your own shank pad really ruins your love life!
19:35What love life man? You ain't never had no girlfriend, never!
19:39Oh boyfriend!
19:40Well I nearly had one this morning!
19:42I just had a big spliff in the forest!
19:44I was on my way to the off-licence before my AA meeting
19:47and I suddenly smelled something fishy!
19:52And I was right! It was a girl!
19:57She was kind of weird!
19:59Having all these tales of the unexpected Aussie rules Kama Sutra shite!
20:03See I wasn't sure whether she was facing away from me or towards me!
20:06Either way she had an arse on a like a Patel's extension of Indian work conversion!
20:10I mean big!
20:12Get on me mate!
20:13Yeah alright alright!
20:14Well I'm thinking about how to get a paste right?
20:17So I followed a trail but who should get there first?
20:19Duffy!
20:19Be careful ladies or it's slippery!
20:21Hey! That line never works for me!
20:24Are you both here Skippy?
20:26It's Kapinda!
20:28Great!
20:29You get to look at that arse and I get an eye full of your wobbly buttocks!
20:33Hey kid!
20:33I mean what's your secret?
20:35How come you're such a big hit with the girls?
20:38You're little!
20:38You're fat!
20:39You got a huge arse!
20:42Oh Twatty!
20:43Oh it's a doobie ring to put around your dingle dangle!
20:47Perfect fit!
20:49So that's how he does it!
20:50Long is a pleasure!
20:51Wait a minute!
20:53I've got to let the ladies know!
20:56Yes!
20:56Yes!
20:57I'll be bleeding irresistible!
20:59I'll be up to my fur years in totty!
21:01What's the best way of reaching the most women?
21:04Hang on!
21:06I've just had a great idea!
21:08Is that sunrise matrimonial show?
21:10Yeah!
21:10I'm a Hindu Punjabi kangaroo!
21:12Three foot two!
21:13No!
21:13Six foot two!
21:14Johnny Depp lookalike degree in pharmacy with a huge dingle dangle on account of my doobie ring!
21:19Hello!
21:19Hello!
21:20I want all you ladies to wait your turn!
21:22I'll come round and service all of you!
21:25You know you shouldn't touch the radio Skip!
21:27Yeah I know!
21:28I don't...
21:29Here's my doobie ring!
21:31That's tight on me!
21:33Now what I really need to do is test it out on a dirty blot!
21:36Hey!
21:37Wait a minute!
21:38I'll smell a herring and I'll know just how to catch it!
21:46Hello!
21:49Hello Skip!
21:50Lila Goddard!
21:51Trust me to pick a bone again Christian!
21:53What about that?
21:54Yeah!
21:54Well then it's a coo coo coo coo coo coo coo coo!
21:56Check it!
21:57Plotty pretty impressive for a roo hey!
21:59You do collect some funny things Skip!
22:00Well you can talk about how good stardust!
22:04She dissed you good man!
22:06Here is that doobie kid's fault!
22:09I've got to get that kid back!
22:10Oh!
22:10Ow!
22:11Oh!
22:11Tight!
22:12Hey kid!
22:13Come out here!
22:14I want to show you something!
22:16Now!
22:16You come out here!
22:17Come on Skip!
22:19Blimey!
22:19He said that without moving his lips!
22:22Alright Skip!
22:23Now what is it you want to show me?
22:25It's raining!
22:27Ha ha ha!
22:27I've got you!
22:28I've got you good!
22:29Ha ha ha ha!
22:31Hi Mary Dillard!
22:33Actually we've suffered a lot of intimidation recently!
22:38Oh aye!
22:39Intimidation!
22:40We've been shouted at in the street and bricks through our front room window!
22:46Bricks?
22:48And then the other day I opened the front door and there was human excrement on the doorstep!
23:01Actually er...
23:02That one made it!
23:04I've got me keys!
23:07I've got me keys!
23:11I just want to say those three little words!
23:16You're too fat!
23:23Check please!
23:27Asar Ji!
23:32It's Indian Dennis you drooping brewer!
23:36What are you doing here?
23:39Well we British love to come down to our local for a pint!
23:43Of course we do!
23:45Oh Vanessa hi!
23:47Not yet but I'm working on it!
23:50I hope you've left us something to drink!
23:53Oh!
23:54Oh!
23:54Oh!
23:55Both peculiar cobblers Dennis?
23:56Yes!
23:57These bloody trousers!
24:00Dennis!
24:01I think he means would you like something to drink!
24:05I knew that!
24:08There's three pints of cobblers please!
24:10And a yard of ale for you Vanessa?
24:12I think I'll try a yard of vodka now!
24:16Dennis why don't you grab a table?
24:19Oh grabbing!
24:20Grabbing!
24:20Grabbing!
24:21Grabbing!
24:21Grabbing!
24:23Grabbing!
24:23Well I must say I'm very surprised to see people like you in the pub!
24:29What do you mean by people like us?
24:31Well it is a peculiarly British habit is it not?
24:34Yes!
24:35And we are peculiarly British!
24:37Ha ha ha ha ha!
24:38We're as peculiar as they come!
24:42Pork scratchings Dennis!
24:46Yes!
24:50Well I often like to pop into the pub for a quick aperitif!
24:55Oh well you do have that aperitif dependency problem!
25:02Well they don't do a yard of vodka so I thought six inches would be enough!
25:07Yes that's always been your problem!
25:20I thought I'd order us some food!
25:22Oh lovely!
25:23And what could be more English than a pub lunch?
25:26Absolutely!
25:27Roast beef!
25:28Oh super!
25:28Yorkshire pudding!
25:29Cool nummy!
25:31Horseradish on your meat and two veg aid and essay!
25:33No!
25:33For the last time!
25:38Oh!
25:40What a lovely view of the village!
25:42Ah yes!
25:43Well this is the England that I love!
25:45A hearty Sunday lunch in a local pub!
25:49Warm beer!
25:50Cricket on the green!
25:52Young maids cycling off to church!
25:55Cream teas!
25:56Young boys scrumping for apples!
25:59Making jam for the village feed!
26:02The smell of newly morn hay!
26:04Strawberries with cream!
26:07Cider with rosy in a lark rice!
26:09Can't foot!
26:10Darling!
26:11I think that chappy wants a word!
26:15Ah!
26:15Yes!
26:15What can I do for you?
26:16Stout human!
26:19Who are you calling stout?
26:21Gunga Din!
26:24There appears to be some misunderstanding!
26:26See, my name is Sinjin!
26:29And this is my good friend Dennis Cooper!
26:32How do you do?
26:34No mate, I don't think you understand!
26:37We don't like your sort round of you!
26:40I'm not sure I'm quite with you all, Frodey!
26:43Why don't you all go back from where you come from?
26:47Well said, Epsi Bar!
26:49Um, I think I know what the problem is!
26:52What?
26:53What?
26:54Well, um, they obviously don't like strangers here!
26:57Yes!
26:58Yes!
26:58And we're...
27:00We're what?
27:01We're from Chigwell!
27:06Light them crosses, Epsi Bar!
27:09Oh, God!
27:10I think we're in a bit of a pickle!
27:12Are we going to die?
27:13Oh, yes!
27:14Ah!
27:15We'd better start praying!
27:17Yes!
27:18Our Father, which aren't in the heavens...
27:21Do something young!
27:23Oh, God!
27:25Thank you, God!
27:28Thank you!
27:29Thank you!
27:31Thank you!
27:59Mad Box
28:01Come on, boy!
28:04Vetch!
28:06Huh?
28:07What is it, Lussie?
28:09Hey?
28:10Someone strapped down the well?
28:15Pitaki!
28:17Pitaki!
28:17Pitaki!
28:18Lussie says...
28:19Lussie says that there is someone trapped down the well!
28:34Salty!
28:36Lucy!
28:37Lucy!
28:38No!
28:43Good Dutch gracious me!
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