Goodness Gracious Me brought iconic British-Asian comedy to TV with hilarious sketches, unforgettable characters, and sharp cultural satire 😂🔥 From “Going for an English” to legendary family moments, the show became a comedy classic that still feels ahead of its time. A true gem of British television and South Asian humor 🇬🇧🇮🇳
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FunTranscript
00:25Goodness gracious me!
00:42What are we meeting in the pub, man?
00:44This is it, man.
00:46We're finally 15.
00:49The age at which you're legally tall enough to order your first underage drink, innit?
00:53Ah, fierce man, wicky!
00:57So, go on, then.
00:59Um...
00:59I'll have a lemonade, man!
01:03Kiss my chuddies, man!
01:06He's supposed to drink alcohol.
01:08Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, why's that, man?
01:10Because everybody knows, right, that hard-drinking men are totally attractive to the...
01:14Ras-ma-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
01:18-la-la!
01:18You don't see James Bond going in no bar and ordering a Sunny Delight.
01:23The beanies go mental for big boozers, man.
01:25Wait on, man. What about that geezer who lives in the park, man?
01:30He drinks like a fish.
01:32And I don't see no beanies hanging around him, man.
01:34And he stinks.
01:36And he's got wee in his trousers and everything.
01:38Hey, he's still your dad.
01:44But the thing is, right, if you dress Chris, right,
01:48and order sophisticated drinks, right,
01:50you'll be totally irresistible to the ladies.
01:54What's the sophisticated, man?
01:56You know, sophisticated drinks are like them that sound foreign, innit?
01:59Like martini.
02:03Campari.
02:05Hooch.
02:08Let's get the hooches in, man.
02:10Whoa, time out, man.
02:12First we've got to look older, innit?
02:13How are we going to do that, man?
02:14By wearing my dad's glasses.
02:16Aye.
02:22Do they make me look older?
02:24I don't know, man.
02:25Everything's gone blurred.
02:26I think your daddy's been giving us a little bit, you know?
02:29Yeah, yeah.
02:31It'll be good practice for later on when we're drunk, innit?
02:34Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:36Hey, what about the beanies, man?
02:39The pretty ones don't like the men with the glasses, you know?
02:42But that don't matter, man.
02:44Because once we're hooched up,
02:46we'll have our Alka-pop goggles on.
02:48Whoa.
02:49And they make even the ugliest beanie look sweet like chocolate.
02:52Whoa.
02:54Let's get Alka-popped up.
02:56Yeah, man.
03:00Hey, two hooches.
03:02Shake and not stare, innit?
03:06Hey, check it, man.
03:07It's working already.
03:13Hello, foxy lady.
03:19Bye, yeah, drink, innit.
03:22You're all right, thanks, boys.
03:35See you, hooching.
03:37No!
03:43Hello, baby.
03:45Oh, hello, mama.
03:50Where's my little prince?
03:53Say hello to Nani, ma.
03:55Don't want to.
03:56Oh, come on, beta.
03:57I'm your grandmother.
03:59You should show me respect, no?
04:01You are supposed to bend down and touch your Nani, ma's feet.
04:04It's our tradition.
04:06Get...
04:16Oh, such a good boy.
04:22Wow, that's nice.
04:23What's that?
04:24That's my engagement ring from Harry Harisha.
04:27Cost him an absolute fortune.
04:29He had to sell his car to get it.
04:31Great.
04:33Wow, that's nice.
04:35Yeah, this is my engagement ring from Bunty Patel.
04:38Had to sell his own mother for the down payments.
04:41Oh, lovely.
04:43Wow, that's nice.
04:44Oh, yeah, that's my engagement ring from Pinky Ponky.
04:48Oh, wow.
04:48And that's my engagement ring from Ravi Rao.
04:52Oh, but I've got an engagement ring from Ravi Rao.
04:58God damn it.
04:59Bullshit to hell, yeah.
05:01But one of us is going to have to give it back.
05:03Why?
05:14Hello and welcome back to India's top morning program.
05:17And coming up later on Rajinder and Goody,
05:20at 10.30, stains of shame.
05:22How to cope with those embarrassing healthy mishaps.
05:25And at 11 o'clock, Roger Raja,
05:28the story of a Maharaja turned minicab driver.
05:31Wow, that should be interesting.
05:32And our phone-in today is about sexual pleasures for women.
05:36Oh, I look forward to that.
05:38Indian ladies' stories tell of erotic fulfillment.
05:41That's at 11.30.
05:42And at 11.31,
05:44our resident psycho quack, Dr. Roger, pursued.
05:48I would, wouldn't you?
05:52Really?
05:53No, not really.
05:54Moving on, right on to fashion.
05:57Now, the Prime Minister's wife grabbed the headlines this week
06:01when Tony and Sherry Blair visited Delhi
06:04and she greeted them wearing traditional English dress.
06:07Yeah.
06:08Let's just remind ourselves of that lovely outfit.
06:14So, with British fashion in the news,
06:16we are very lucky to be joined by one of India's top designers,
06:20Kalvinder Klein.
06:23Hi, Jinder.
06:26Hi, Goody.
06:28Hi.
06:28I understand you have a new collection out right now
06:31which uses Britain, of all places, for your inspiration.
06:34That's right.
06:35You see, er...
06:36What the Prime Minister's wife was wearing there
06:40is ideal evening formal wear.
06:43Right.
06:43But for my collection, I've gone for a classic street look.
06:47Okay, let's have a look.
06:51Wow.
06:52What is the significance of the sign?
06:56I think it's a kind of punk youth rock thing.
07:00You know, it's a rebellion, the 60s, injecting the weed.
07:04Yeah.
07:05And why stop children?
07:09Well, you know, stop children.
07:12What's that sound?
07:13Everybody look what's going down.
07:15All right.
07:16Well, let's have a look at your next piece, shall we?
07:19Okay.
07:19Wow.
07:20Oh, right.
07:22Now, Pat, this really is fantastic.
07:25Now, this is kind of classic club wear.
07:28Right.
07:28This is, er...
07:31You'd see a lot of people dressed like this
07:33running into the underground rave gatherings
07:35in the early hours of a foggy Manchester morning.
07:39And what about the helmet?
07:41Well, that's what they wear.
07:44It's a dancing helmet.
07:47Dance, dancing.
07:48Oh.
07:51Dancing helmet.
07:52But, um, Kalvindra, I mean, this is all very well
07:54for the catwalk, right?
07:55But, you know, is anyone actually on the street
07:58going to wear this?
07:59Well, they do in England.
08:01For my next outfit, I kind of created a fusion
08:06of different British looks.
08:09Right.
08:09Okay, let's have a look.
08:10Oh.
08:12That's really interesting.
08:13Yeah.
08:14It's the kind of thing that a hep chick would wear
08:16whilst grooving down to the foggy King's Road
08:19in London's fashionable Walford Town.
08:24And the bottom is a ballet outfit?
08:28Well, yes, it is.
08:29I mean, I told you, it's a fusion.
08:31You know, it's...
08:32Big fish, little fish, carbon balls.
08:36But the highlight of my collection.
08:39Uh-huh.
08:39Yeah.
08:39Oh!
08:41Yeah.
08:42Yeah, that's...
08:43That's quite...
08:43Valhalla.
08:45I would really like that.
08:47Right.
08:48Yeah.
08:48Well, I can see it's another fusion thing, okay?
08:51Yes, the top half is a judge's outfit
08:53and the bottom half is a judge's outfit.
09:02Right, everyone on the floor now.
09:05Lose your coat and no one will get hurt.
09:07You, press the alarm button and I'll fly your head off, right?
09:11Put the cash and the jewellery in the bank.
09:16Peter, is that really you?
09:22Uncle, Uncle, I was desperate. I needed the money.
09:26If you wanted to turn to petty crime, why didn't you come to me?
09:30I can get you cheaper, I can get you cheaper.
09:33No, Uncle.
09:34I'll do it for you.
09:34No, Uncle.
09:35No.
09:35It's my pleasure.
09:36No.
09:37Uncle.
09:38Don't insult me.
09:38Give me the gun.
09:40No.
09:41Don't insult me.
09:44Right.
09:45If any of you pricks move, I'm going to execute every last mother f***ing one of you.
09:54I'm free.
09:55I'm police.
09:55Stop it.
09:56Drop that weapon.
09:57Stop it.
09:58Oh, shit.
10:03Oh, my God, Beena.
10:06Brace yourself, girlfriend.
10:07Here we go.
10:08Oh, man.
10:08They are going to try on to the max, isn't it?
10:11As if.
10:12Just ignore them, innit?
10:13Here.
10:13Here we go.
10:33Puss.
10:35Puss.
10:43Thank you for attending this annual general meeting.
10:45My name is Jake, Eddie Hamster.
10:48It's like Carlos the Jackal, only smaller and with chubbier cheeks.
10:53Now, as you know, we aim to put the fun back into fundamentalism.
10:57The kid back into kidnapping.
10:59They laugh back into slaughtering.
11:03They're all right, all right.
11:05I've seen last year's report, and I have to say, standards are slipping.
11:08I'm very disappointed.
11:11Atrocities, in the name of God, are down 30%.
11:15But expenses, in the name of God, are up 85%.
11:18What we need is inspiration, ideas, a vision.
11:25Mach-Bull the squirrel.
11:27My idea is kidnap.
11:29My idea is kidnap.
11:30We kidnap the son of the wealthiest industrialist in all of Europe.
11:34And then we demand the ransom of one million dollars.
11:39And what if they don't comply?
11:41We cut off his hair and pushed it back to them.
11:44The ear.
11:45You're supposed to cut off the ear, not the bloody hair.
11:48They'll get back one small bald boy, and I get extortionate bill from Vidal Sassoon.
11:53Sorry.
11:54Sorry.
11:55Who else?
11:56Ah, Buddhist militant order.
12:01Our crack suicide squad will occupy every major government building until our demands are met.
12:09Which are?
12:10The release of all political prisoners, compulsory meditation, and a global ban on flypaper.
12:18And if they don't pay up?
12:19We'll set ourselves on fire.
12:23So the police wait 24 hours, and then they raid the hideout with a dustpan and brush.
12:29Oh, right.
12:32See, this is what I mean, people.
12:33You are not committed enough.
12:35Absenteeism.
12:36The Sikhs take days off for Guru Nanak's birthday.
12:40Guru Gobind Singh's birthday?
12:42Fair enough.
12:44But Guru, Guru, Barney Maguru, Kaspit Dibble, Graf birthday is going to come.
12:50You Hindus, how many gods do you have?
12:54Krishna, Lakshmi I've heard of, but Bunty?
12:58Apache?
13:00Which gods are these?
13:02The Muslims have put down Eid twice.
13:05And somebody has put down Christmas Eid and taken a day off.
13:10Ramadan, yes.
13:11Ramal Amading don't know.
13:13And you Jews, Yom Kippur, yes.
13:16Yam Halibut, what are you, taking the piss?
13:19If standards do not improve and soon, you will end up like all the other failed terrorists.
13:26As traffic wardens.
13:51Oh, Lord, won't you buy me another Mercedes Benz?
13:57Our neighbours have got seven and a Jaguar for weekends.
14:03How will we hold our heads up in front of all our friends?
14:09Oh, Lord, won't you buy me another Mercedes Benz?
14:14Oh, Lord, won't you?
14:16Sajit!
14:19Sajit!
14:20Sajit!
14:21Sajit!
14:23Happy birthday, dear Papaji.
14:27Happy birthday to you.
14:30Come on, Papaji.
14:32Yeah!
14:35So lovely to have you all here.
14:39And thank you for my lovely present
14:46Hello, oh hello uncle preem. How are you? Yes, he's right here waiting for your call. It's uncle preem from
14:52India from India
15:03Hello
15:04Please technology means that you don't have to share technology
15:17Now wherever happy birthday cards I want to read
15:24Maybe I can read them for you. No, no, no. I really don't mind. I have my eyes too
15:32The first one is from a knit in in Montreal
15:36Oh, God. That's a long way away
15:38Thinking of you on your special day
15:41Wishing you the best in prosperity, happiness. Oh, I can't read this word. What is it?
15:47Peace
15:49He always remembers this
15:51Very nice
15:52Well, look who is it? Hi everyone
15:53Sorry, well, thank you
15:54Hello, Papaji
15:56Happy birthday
15:57Oh, for me?
15:58Happy birthday, yeah
15:59Your company would have been enough data
16:01Oh, it's something
16:01And who is this charming?
16:03This is Maria
16:04Happy birthday, Mr. Dilekia
16:06Chris has told me so much about you
16:08Oh, your accent is...
16:11Maria's from Australia
16:12Oh, no!
16:13Maria
16:14Wait for the material
16:16Sheree of Gowmslow
16:18Sheree of India
16:19Hello
16:19Thank you, guys
16:21I'm like you
16:22Stay down
16:23The once-ing chuggy was just an ordinary plumber and fitter living in the Hounslow area of West London
16:32Until one fateful day when he went to a car boot sale in Cranworth
16:38It was there that he picked up a pair of battered old satin trousers
16:47Which had once belonged to Chani from Malak
16:52Unbeknown to Balwant, those trousers still contain special powers
16:59From that day on, whenever he put on those special trousers, Balwant Singh Chuggy became...
17:05Bangraman!
17:06Oh, young man!
17:15Help!
17:18He come he...
17:20Oh, Bangraman!
17:32Meanwhile, a freak earthquake has rocked New York City
17:35And a young man is in grave danger
17:38My old boy is trapped under the rubble
17:41He's trapped under there!
17:44Oh, God
17:45I'm sorry, ma'am
17:46We don't have any cranes left to help him
17:49But you gotta do something
17:50He's gonna die in there
17:52There ain't a man on Earth who could lift that curtain
18:03Not even you could help him now, Bangraman
18:05Oh, Pari Hato, mere firemen yarrow!
18:12What? He's doing?
18:14Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
18:15Hey, he's jerking his shoulders in the rhythm of the traditional northern Indian folk dance
18:21This is no time to dance
18:23Oh, wait, look! Look!
18:24His shoulders are breached superhuman frequency!
18:35I've gotta hand this to you, Bangraman
18:37I guess I underestimated the power of Bangraman
18:42Oh, Bangraman
18:43How can we ever repay you?
18:48What?
18:51Nacho!
18:55All right
18:56Okay
18:56Right on
18:59Don't tell the guy to the station
19:03Whenever I'm with you, I think of that actress, Cameron Diaz
19:06Really?
19:08What is that?
19:09It's the only way I can get turned on, innit?
19:17Jack, please
19:18Jack, please
19:20Some people say I look just like my dad
19:22Oh, that'll be the moustache then, innit?
19:26Uh-oh
19:31Uh-ho
19:34Uh-ho
19:39I said, hey, buddy, in your dreams
19:42Get your hands off my belly button ring
19:44If you wanna call a babe like me
19:46You better have a muck and a PhD
19:49Just cause you're brown, don't expect
19:51We do the comma sutra on Big Quest
19:53We ain't got time to listen to your golf
19:55Cause being really stunning is a full-time job
19:58All the men in town
20:00Hey, hey, hey
20:02Follow us around
20:05Hey, hey, hey
20:07And we have to say
20:09Hi, hi, hi
20:11No way
20:12Jose
20:13Now go away
20:14And play
20:15Say you've got
20:16Leprecy
20:17Say it's fine
20:18Or you'd be
20:19Say you've just
20:20Got to be
20:21Say X-E
20:23Say your dad
20:25Got a gun
20:26Say you've become a nun
20:28Or just say
20:29That your game
20:32I say
20:33Hey, girls
20:34Keep your cool
20:35Don't get jealous
20:36Cause you're beautiful
20:37Uh-huh
20:38You don't know what it's like to be me
20:40You ugly bannies
20:41I've got it easy
20:42We know what the pair's all about
20:44A really short skirt
20:45And a great big mouth
20:46Designer clothes
20:48A baby for show
20:49Get you wedding pictures
20:50To a girl
20:51But it's a real shame
20:54Hey, hey, hey
20:55Some guys just run away
20:58Hey, hey
21:01Ain't it obvious
21:02Hi, hi, hi
21:04They just
21:05Can't cope
21:06Cause we're too damn gorgeous
21:08Says he's warm
21:09Shane is there
21:10No clean underwear
21:12When we call
21:14He's not there
21:15Say X-E
21:17Says his heart
21:18Is too weak
21:19Says his wife
21:20Needs to sleep
21:21Says or go off
21:23Lady Sheik
21:24In your dreams
21:46In your dreams
21:47In your dreams
21:52You see, you're not like all the other men
21:54Really?
21:55Yes
21:57I don't think you're that ugly
22:04Check, please
22:06Meow, pussy cats
22:08Meow, pussy cats
22:09Yeah, it's me
22:10Smita Smitten
22:11Showbiz kitten
22:12In yet another pilot show
22:14But this time
22:16I'm in the one place
22:17Where they don't mind
22:18If you've got a booze and drugs problem
22:20Children's television
22:23Oh, kids
22:24I love them
22:25Don't I?
22:27Kid
22:29How about giving your old Aunty Smita
22:31A big kissy?
22:33Huh?
22:33No
22:35They say the darndest things
22:37Don't they?
22:38I know
22:39How about you and me
22:40Sing a lovely little song
22:41About rabbits
22:42Hmm?
22:42You smell of Tinku
22:47We've all heard of the list of Britain's
22:49100 richest Asians
22:50But I'm here in the office of Mr Mitty
22:53To talk about a very different list
22:55Britain's 100 most vulgar Asians
22:58Now, Mr Mitty
22:59You have joined the list at number three
23:03Yeah, yeah
23:04Can you, uh
23:05Can you tell me some of the special qualities
23:07That you've shown to reach this pinnacle?
23:12I don't know
23:15I'm just a businessman
23:16You know
23:17I don't know what attracted
23:17I don't know what attracted these people to me anyway
23:28You know
23:29Do you, um
23:29Consider yourself
23:30To be providing a role model
23:32For young British Asians?
23:34Well, you know
23:35Anything I can do
23:36To, um
23:38Inspire these people
23:39That is great
23:49Mr Mitty, thank you very much for talking to me
23:52Here
23:53There's no problem
23:54Here
23:54Here
23:55Here
24:00Here
24:01Here
24:03Here
24:06Here
24:07All right
24:07Listen up lads
24:09Now
24:09I know
24:10Glen Oddle
24:11Got a lot of stick for using faith healers
24:13You know
24:14For forcing you lot to talk to some mad old lady
24:17Who didn't know much about football
24:19But I think he was on the right track
24:21He just used the wrong person
24:23All right
24:23So I brought in someone
24:25Who hopefully
24:25Is going to look after the spiritual side of things
24:28But who also knows a bit about the game
24:31All right
24:31He's a genuine football pundit
24:35Let's give a big Team England welcome
24:37To the Guru Maharishi Yogi
24:40Here he is lads
24:47Hello boys
24:50I am the Guru Maharishi Yogi
24:52How you doing?
24:55Mr Keegan has asked me to speak to you today
24:57Because as highly paid professional footballers
25:00You are exposed to many temptations
25:03Such as hard drugs
25:06Loose women
25:08And I want you to know that
25:10I am here to share these troubles with you 50-50
25:14Now I would like to kick off
25:16With a passage from the ancient Sanskrit texts
25:20I will translate
25:25Oh
25:26Oh
25:26Inna Beckham
25:27Na Gigzi
25:31Tripitaka
25:31Na Monkey
25:32Na Pigzi
25:35Now this passage tells of a great battle fought by the gods
25:40Very much like a cup tie
25:43On the one hand
25:44The forces of good
25:45White shirts, blue shorts playing from left to right
25:49And on the other side
25:50The forces of darkness
25:52Referred to in the ancient texts as
25:55Germany
25:59Now during this battle
26:00Lord Krishna was under great duress
26:03But he didn't let his head drop down low
26:05No
26:06He reached down
26:08To his inner strength
26:10And grabbed firmly the hem of his foe's shirt
26:12Bringing him down just outside the box
26:14And got away with the yellow card
26:17Alright, alright lads
26:18Listen
26:18Can you help us with dealing with defeat Guruji?
26:23You see within a war there are many battles
26:26Sometimes you are defeated
26:28And sometimes you are victorious
26:29But we always remember the words of the poet
26:37Merakana Barnabao Sansiro
26:43Wembley Jeffhurst Kya Hero
26:48Translated, this means
26:50I get knocked down
26:51But I get up again
26:53You ain't never going to keep me down
26:55Then you drink a whiskey drink
26:56Then you drink a vodka drink
26:57Then you drink a cider drink
26:58Alright lads
26:59Alright lads
27:00Alright
27:00Now look Guruji
27:02Some of my lads
27:03They are on a bit of a, you know
27:04A bit of a short fuse
27:06You know
27:06How should they deal with a bad decision?
27:09Well if we view the Mahabharata as a football match
27:12Then the text asks us one very pertinent question
27:20Wah-wah, oo-ah, Cantonah
27:27Kung-fu, hai-ram, au revoir
27:31and then translated
27:33just ask the question
27:36who's the tosser in the black
27:38who's the tosser in the black
27:40who's the tosser in the black
27:43referee
27:44you're a
27:48meditation meditation everybody go om
27:51om
27:52om
27:54football's coming om
27:58football's coming om
28:29you know for years i just suffered from these real feelings of
28:32you know inadequacy really low self-esteem and
28:35i think it's only after my third therapist i really began to
28:38come to terms with my lack of confidence and you know it's only now
28:41as a woman i really feel i'm coming into you
28:43yeah you telling me that you know reminds me of a song
28:46how does it go
28:49shut up your face
28:54check please
29:00good
29:01gracious me
29:03you
29:04you
29:05you
29:05you
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