Goodness Gracious Me brought iconic British-Asian comedy to TV with hilarious sketches, unforgettable characters, and sharp cultural satire 😂🔥 From “Going for an English” to legendary family moments, the show became a comedy classic that still feels ahead of its time. A true gem of British television and South Asian humor 🇬🇧🇮🇳
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#goodnessgraciousme #britishcomedy #asiancomedy #southasian #classiccomedy #ukcomedy #comedysketch #cultclassic #britishtv #funnyclips #comedyshow #90scomedy #satire #viralvideo #fyp #explorepage #legendarycomedy #retrohumor #tvclassics #desihumor #bbccomedy #iconicshows #comedygold #nostalgiatv #britishasian #dailymotion #comedymoments #sketchcomedy #retroshows #classicbritishtv
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FunTranscript
00:25Good night gracious me!
00:32Oh my god, everybody come over here, come over here!
00:37What?
00:38I made a small offering of milk in this coterie to the statue and now the milk has gone, leaving
00:46just a chalky white deposit and a strange smell.
00:52It's a miracle!
00:56Hang on.
00:59When did you put it there?
01:02About three weeks ago.
01:03He has to go karate, doesn't he?
01:06Oh yeah.
01:07Sorry, no miracle.
01:11Wait a minute!
01:13Everyone, come here!
01:13Quick, quick, quick!
01:14Look, look, look!
01:14What?
01:15This morning, I placed the agarbat in front of the statue and now all that's left is a
01:21pile of ashes and a strange smell.
01:27It's a miracle!
01:28It's a miracle!
01:30It's a miracle!
01:30It's a miracle!
01:31It's a miracle!
01:31Hang on, hang on.
01:33Did you light it?
01:34Well, of course.
01:35Well, it's just burnt down, leaving the smell of incense.
01:38That's what justics do, isn't it?
01:40Aw.
01:42Sorry.
01:45But wait!
01:48No, sorry.
01:49Never mind.
01:54It's a miracle!
01:56It's a miracle!
01:56Everyone!
01:57It's a miracle!
01:59I left an entire spicy bean burger happy meal near the statue and now it's gone, leaving
02:07just some of these pieces of gherkin and a strange smell.
02:17Well?
02:18Well, er, I don't know.
02:22It's a miracle!
02:25Hang on!
02:26Hang on!
02:28What's that on your chin?
02:31Er, mayonnaise.
02:32And how did it get there?
02:34I...
02:35I...
02:36I ate the happy meal.
02:37Aw!
02:37Yes!
02:38But what about the strange smell?
02:44Yeah, sorry about that.
02:45Oh!
02:46Come on, come on, you look at everybody.
02:49Why do we need a miracle?
02:51I mean, isn't your faith enough?
02:53Would it be any stronger if the gods performed some trivial magic trick for you, huh?
02:58No.
02:59No.
03:00I suppose not.
03:01Oh.
03:03No, no, I don't know.
03:05Wait, wait, look!
03:07The statue, it's moving!
03:08It's coming alive!
03:10It's a miracle!
03:12It's a miracle!
03:13Forgive me for doubting you.
03:15I humble myself before you.
03:18You are forgiven, my child.
03:20Now, pick a guy.
03:29Well, Mr and Mrs Sethi, why don't we begin by you telling me what you think the problem
03:34is.
03:37Well, okay, I told him last night, I said if he really wants to save this marriage, yeah,
03:42we should think about, you know, having another one.
03:45No, no, no, no, let me just point out that having children is no certain way to save a
03:50marriage.
03:51What children?
03:52I'm saying we should have another Mercedes.
03:55Sorry?
03:56The only thing that can save this marriage is if we have another Mercedes.
04:00If we have enough trouble looking after the one Mercedes, let alone two.
04:03Yeah, well, I don't want it to be an only Mercedes, do I?
04:05I'm not saying we can't have another one, just not yet.
04:08If you love me, you want me to be happy.
04:11Or are you just waiting until it's too late for me to have another luxury status car?
04:16Well, maybe more children would be a good idea.
04:19I'm just not thinking about the practical side.
04:21Mercedes take a lot of looking after.
04:23There's all the cleaning, the repair bills, all that getting up in the middle of the night
04:25to switch the alarm off.
04:28Don't you remember when we had our first one?
04:30Yeah.
04:31At Pride we were?
04:32Yeah.
04:33Going down the roads and people waving and smiling and telling us how beautiful she was?
04:37Oh, okay.
04:38Why don't we discuss your relationship with your parents?
04:40Do you want to know the truth?
04:41Of course I don't.
04:42I can't.
04:43I can't have another Mercedes, alright?
04:47What do you mean you can't?
04:48I saw the bank manager the other day.
04:50He said I got low credit rating.
04:53Oh my God.
04:54Oh my God, you're no real man.
04:56I want a divorce.
04:57What?
04:57He's been firing blank checks.
04:59No, no, no.
05:00No, no, no.
05:01No, no, no.
05:05Master, alright mate?
05:07Uh, sorry I don't quite remember.
05:09It's me.
05:10Flash Ash.
05:11We made that party last year.
05:13How you doing man?
05:14I'm doing brilliant.
05:15Got his job in the city.
05:16Dealer right?
05:16Hundred thousand a year.
05:17Yeah, yeah, I remember you now.
05:19Yeah, brilliant.
05:19So how about you man?
05:20Uh, well not so good.
05:21You know my grandfather just died so I...
05:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:23How much you earning?
05:23What?
05:24Listen.
05:25I'm leaving the city job.
05:26Got headhunted by this computer company.
05:28Hundred thousand a year.
05:29Yeah, listen.
05:30I haven't finished yet.
05:30I'll tell you.
05:31I was out of my own company.
05:32Hundred thousand a year.
05:33Bigger company wants to take us over.
05:34Guess how much?
05:35Hundred thousand a year.
05:37We're doing all the promotions,
05:38all the big venues and that,
05:39but it's just the hobby.
05:40Don't pay very much.
05:40Hundred thousand a year.
05:41Right, so you're still living at home with your mum?
05:45Listen, I've got to go man.
05:46I'll catch you later.
05:51I'm not being reactionary.
05:53I'm talking about cultural isolation.
05:56But the fact is,
05:56he's married a non-Asian woman, yeah?
05:58Now that's got to have implications.
06:00Absolutely.
06:00I mean, when we were young,
06:01we wouldn't have thought twice about it.
06:02But things change, do you?
06:04I mean, it's only when you get to this age
06:05that you realise how Asian you really are.
06:07And until you marry a white woman.
06:09Yeah.
06:10Yeah.
06:11Oh, look, he's here.
06:12Look, everybody.
06:13Try and make her feel welcome, yeah?
06:15Hi.
06:16Hi.
06:17Congratulations.
06:20Guys, er, meet Sarah.
06:23Great.
06:24Yeah.
06:27Sarah, come and meet the guys.
06:30Hi, Sarah.
06:32Namaste.
06:33God bless you all.
06:34May eternal peace reign in each and every one of your homes.
06:38Uh, take a seat, Sarah.
06:41Oh, thank you.
06:47Sarah, please.
06:48It's so wonderful to be with my own people at last.
06:52I can't believe the way that English people stare.
06:56Have you noticed?
06:58As if they've never seen a Sarwal before.
07:03Would you like a glass of wine?
07:05Oh, my God, no.
07:07I never touch the alcohol.
07:09Just a plain glass of water for me, thank you.
07:12No, don't worry.
07:13I'll get it.
07:14Oi!
07:15Ramlal!
07:16Ramlal!
07:17Ramlal!
07:18Ramlal!
07:22So, um, how did you two meet?
07:24The wedding was very sudden, wasn't it?
07:27Well, not really, you see.
07:28My father had promised me to Ravi when I was nine years old.
07:31We were brought up together in the same village in Uttar Pradesh.
07:35Heh heh.
07:36Met at a nightclub in Putney.
07:39We really ought to be leaving.
07:41But why? It's so wonderful here.
07:43Up you get. Up you get. Let's go. Now.
07:46Nay!
07:50Peshwari Nan!
07:52My Grand Prakash!
07:55Sagaloo!
07:56Oh!
07:57God almighty!
08:10Yow, pussycats!
08:12Yow, it's me, Smita Smitten Showbiz Kitten.
08:16Coughing up those precious little fur balls of showbiz gossip
08:20onto the dowdy carpet of your dull little lives.
08:24Well, you know, my little pussies,
08:26all the top Bollywood stars are in town tonight
08:28for a hush-hush private party.
08:31And although the secret venue was announced only an hour ago,
08:34guess whose name is on top of the guest list?
08:37Guess?
08:39Me!
08:40Because you know what they say about celebrity gatherings.
08:42No party is complete without a...
08:47Smita.
08:49Anyway, all the top stars are gonna be there tonight.
08:52Jackie Shiroff, Akshay Kumar, Salman Khan.
08:55Oh, and I think we've arrived.
08:57It's showtime, pussycats.
09:00Meow!
09:25It's showtime, pussycats.
09:27I can't make any shows anywhere.
09:29It's Art Malik.
09:42Hello.
09:43Hello, Malkit.
09:44Yeah, what is it?
09:45Well, Malkit, it's eleven o'clock.
09:47So?
09:48So why aren't you here at work?
09:50Oh, I get it.
09:52I hear what you're saying.
09:53This isn't about work, is it?
09:55This is about the colour of my skin.
09:57You're picking up my skin.
09:57I'm Asian, you racist bastard.
09:59I bet you're not ringing up all your white employees
10:01and hurling racial abuse of them, are you?
10:03This is the third time this week, Malkit.
10:04I can't like you keep doing this.
10:06Ooh, and what are you going to do?
10:07Sack me?
10:08You'd love that, wouldn't you?
10:10You'd love to throw me on the scrappy.
10:12Another disillusioned ethnic youth.
10:14No job, no hope.
10:16Marginalised by white society and forced to rot in urban squalor.
10:18Is that what you want?
10:19Because that's what'll happen, eh?
10:21All right, Malkit.
10:22I'm sorry.
10:22Take the rest of the day off.
10:24Good.
10:25Thanks.
10:26And can I borrow the car, please, Dad?
10:27Yes, yes.
10:31Hello.
10:34Nice wedding, eh, no?
10:36Mm, so-so.
10:39Well, of course, it's not the best wedding I've ever been to.
10:43I have been to much better weddings than this.
10:47Yes, of course.
10:48I mean, what is this?
10:50This is nothing compared to other weddings.
10:53In fact, this is the worst wedding I've ever been to.
10:57So, where is your son?
11:00Isn't he interested in his family anymore?
11:04Actually, his uncle phoned from India this morning.
11:07He's gone to hospital for operation.
11:10My son took the first flight out there immediately, just to be by his bedside.
11:17And, uh, where is yours, sir?
11:21My son is on a plane to Canada to visit his uncle in Toronto, who has a slight headache.
11:29He went first class.
11:31Oh, yes, of course, first class.
11:32My son always travels first class.
11:34Because he's also paying for his uncle's operation.
11:38But then he has so much money anyway.
11:42How much?
11:45Mujhe kya pata?
11:46His bank account is in Jersey.
11:48Oh, of course, Jersey.
11:49Hmm, my son's bank account had to be moved from Jersey to a bigger island.
11:56That's how well my son is doing.
11:59Well, let me tell you how well my son is doing.
12:01As soon as he returns from India, he's going to number 10 Downing Street.
12:05Jaha bo Tony Blair hata hai.
12:06To receive Businessman of the Year Award.
12:08Achha, achha.
12:09Well, as soon as my son is finished operating on his uncle, he is flying to Washington to attend a
12:16banquet in his honor at the White House.
12:18Jaha Bill Clinton rehta hai.
12:20And then he's flying to the United Nations building in New York.
12:23Jaha usse Nobel Peace Prize millega.
12:32Yes, well, how big is his dunda?
12:55Anyway, they was paying me $100,000 a year, and then this bigger company made me an offer.
12:59$100,000 a year.
13:00So I opened up my own company.
13:01$100,000 a year.
13:03Oh, I reckon.
13:04All right, all right.
13:06Do what you have to.
13:07Nice one.
13:18Excuse me, is his seat taken?
13:21Er, doesn't look like it, does it?
13:23Oh, yeah, I get it.
13:25You're so funny.
13:31So is it free then, the seat?
13:33Yes, it is.
13:34Oh, I can't believe that.
13:36Oh, I knew I was going to be late, you know.
13:38Never have your bikini line waxed just before an interview and then wear a leather skirt.
13:42My thigh squeaked all the way here.
13:44People on the bus gave me such looks.
13:46Sorry, did you say you were here for an interview?
13:49Yeah.
13:50The interview for the newsreader's job on Newsnight.
13:53Yeah!
13:54Are you as well?
13:55Yes, I am.
13:56Oh, God, it's so exciting, isn't it?
13:58I mean, there is so much we could do with that programme.
14:00Oh, well, I agree.
14:02I mean, our current affairs media should reflect the multiracial makeup of our modern society.
14:07And we as Asian women could do so...
14:08I was talking more about the clothes, really.
14:11Pardon?
14:12Well, have you seen the polyester pyjama tops that Gargi Patel wears?
14:17She really lets the side down.
14:20And as that's Zenab, what's the face?
14:22Is she allergic to blusher or what?
14:23Oh, but that'll Rekha Johnson now.
14:26She's a real pro.
14:27Gorgeous hair.
14:29Sorry, do you mind me asking, um, exactly which journalism course did you do?
14:34Eh?
14:35What qualifications do you have for this job?
14:38Oh, right, yeah, yeah.
14:40Here's, um, here's the CV.
14:42See, right there.
14:45Uh, it just says Asian babe.
14:48Yeah.
14:50I'm sorry, I don't quite see how that would, you know...
14:53Well, I'm Asian, I'm obviously a babe.
14:55What bit don't you understand?
14:58I don't understand how you think this qualifies you to do one of the most demanding posts in journalism.
15:04Yeah, well, you're not a bloke, are you?
15:07I've got a degree, an MA in journalism, four years' experience on the news desk of a national newspaper,
15:13and I've just spent the last two years in Bosnia.
15:15Yeah, well, that explains the state of your hair, innit?
15:21Do you really think that someone is going to give you a responsible job just because you bat your eyelids
15:26and flash your cleavage?
15:28Yeah.
15:30Um, Miss Kahn.
15:32Oh.
15:34You know, women like you let the side down.
15:36I don't know how you can live with yourself.
15:38Would you just like to come this way, Miss Kahn?
15:40Just call me Pinky.
15:44I'm on a particular football.
15:46Wow!
16:07Everybody in?
16:08Yes.
16:09Okay, good.
16:10Now, before we go, just for once, we're going to have a nice, normal day out.
16:15Okay?
16:16Everyone will behave themselves.
16:17Nobody will distract me while I'm driving or get overexcited in any way, okay?
16:21Haan, chalo, chalo.
16:31We're not moving.
16:33Mommy, what's wrong?
16:35What have you done?
16:37Nothing.
16:38I've stalled the cars.
16:39Mommy!
16:40Oh!
16:41Okay, calm down.
16:42Calm down, everyone.
16:43Mommy, mommy, I'm scared.
16:44I told you not to marry this man.
16:46Look what he does.
16:48It is a curse.
16:50God is punishing us.
16:52I just didn't use enough accelerator.
16:54Okay, I'll try again.
16:55Oh, my God!
16:57Risk another disaster.
16:59Are you trying to kill ourselves?
17:00He is a madman.
17:01My daughter has married a madman, and now we are all cursed.
17:04Mommy, are we going to die?
17:06Who knows?
17:08Stranded here miles from home.
17:10Inches, inches from home.
17:12Have we got a flare gun?
17:16Will we ever be rescued?
17:18If we run out of food.
17:20Eat me first.
17:25You see, nothing wrong.
17:27No need to panic.
17:28No need for stupid melodrama.
17:30Sorry.
17:31Sorry, Daddy.
17:32Okay.
17:33Now, first off, petrol.
17:34We're running a bit low.
17:35Oh, my God!
17:38Take a leg.
17:43Who's a clever boy, then?
17:46Your mummy's clever boy.
17:48You're so clever.
17:49Yes, you are.
17:50You're a sweetie, aren't you?
17:53Yes, but how big is his dundra?
17:59When you worked in that travel agency on the high street, you were beautiful.
18:06You could have been another Lund Polly.
18:09That skunk of a manager bought you a two-faced.
18:14It wasn't him, Charlie.
18:15It was you.
18:17Remember that time that customer came into the shop looking for an open return to Bangalore?
18:23Peak season?
18:24And you came up to my desk and said,
18:26Sorry, kid.
18:27This ain't your flight.
18:29Not my flight.
18:30I could have taken that customer apart.
18:33So what happens?
18:35You get a 75-pound commission, and what do I get?
18:39A one-way ticket to Palookaville.
18:42You was my brother, Charlie.
18:45You should have looked out for me just a little bit.
18:49I could have had club class.
18:51I could have been a contender.
18:54I could have been apt-er.
18:56Instead of a bucket shop, which is what I am.
19:00Here, kid.
19:02You're gonna need this.
19:04What is it?
19:07Porn.
19:09Good job.
19:11Good job.
19:12Good job.
19:23Meow, pussycat.
19:25Yeah, it's me.
19:27Meet our smitten showbiz kitten.
19:29Attracting the tomcats of controversy
19:31to the raised hindquarters of my glamorous gossip showbiz shows.
19:35And tonight, my little pussies,
19:37I am here to assist in the opening of a spicy new eatery,
19:41Planet Bollywood.
19:42Yeah, all the stars are gonna be there tonight.
19:45Salma, Akshay, Kajal, Salma.
19:49Ah!
19:50And it looks like the wacky funsters have started without me.
19:53So let's go in and join the fun.
19:56Meow, it's showtime, pussycats.
19:59Sweet eyes here, pussycats.
20:02Show her to the top table.
20:03Salman is waiting.
20:05Excuse me.
20:06I think I was here first.
20:08Don't you know who I am?
20:10No, I don't.
20:11Sorry.
20:13Who are you?
20:16Oh, look.
20:17There's Art Malik.
20:27Hey, man.
20:28What, man?
20:30You know what our problem is, man?
20:31We can't get in our bump and grind with the...
20:34RASMALA!
20:36No, man.
20:37Yeah, yeah, that's your problem, man.
20:38You've been trying to get into Bindia Savar kameez for...
20:42RASMALA!
20:43Kiss my chuddies, man.
20:48The door to her pyjamas is locked to you, man.
20:52You shut your mouth.
20:53I'll mess you right up, man.
20:54Colt, colt.
20:56I'm talking about our problem in a sociological vibe, innit?
21:00You see, we as young British Asians
21:02are subject to huge and massive pressure
21:04from both family and community
21:06to achieve higher academic results.
21:08Right.
21:09But you do want to unlock a pyjamas, innit, man?
21:13What's the matter with you, man?
21:15This is a serious thing I'm saying to you.
21:17I've given it a lot of thought.
21:19Observed the whole phenomenon.
21:21And MTV did a thing about it last night.
21:24MTV!
21:24MTV!
21:25MTV!
21:26MTV!
21:26MTV!
21:26ARGH!
21:28Yeah, British Asian kids, man,
21:31are academic overachievers.
21:33We study too hard
21:34and neglect other aspects
21:36of our personal development, innit?
21:38And that's us, is it, man?
21:39Of course it is, man.
21:40We are totally underdeveloped
21:42in a personal way.
21:44Because we work too hard.
21:46Yeah.
21:48So, what was the last book you read, man?
21:51The one about that African leader
21:52and he struggled to achieve power for his people.
21:54What's that Jesus name?
21:55Tall, grey...
21:57Nelson Mandela.
21:58Trunk.
21:59Bob the Elephant Man.
22:02You mean to say
22:03you haven't read the book
22:03since you were six?
22:04That is my point, man.
22:06I don't need to read anything.
22:09I am an Asian academic overachiever.
22:12I already know too much.
22:13Oh, fierce, man.
22:16So, uh,
22:17what are we gonna do about it, man?
22:19What are we gonna do about it
22:20is nothing.
22:22We're just gonna sit here,
22:23try to chill out a little bit,
22:24try not to achieve anything, innit?
22:28You're not.
22:29I've been doing that
22:30for the last three hours.
22:31Well, that is fierce, man.
22:33You're setting a good example
22:34to all the other Asian kids.
22:36Keep up the good work, innit?
22:37Cool, man.
22:38Okay, everybody,
22:39time's up.
22:40Put your pens down
22:41and have your exam papers ready.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:51Excuse me.
22:55Hello.
22:56Oh, it's you.
22:59Well, aren't you going to invite me in?
23:02Well, we didn't think you'd be turning up.
23:05Why not?
23:06Showing your face in public
23:08after the shame your son has brought.
23:11What shame?
23:13Everybody knows he was arrested
23:15for being a pimp.
23:18Yes.
23:19So your son is a pimp.
23:20Oh, no, no.
23:21My son is not a pimp.
23:23My son is the best pimp.
23:25What?
23:26Oh, yes.
23:27My son is the biggest pimp
23:28in all England.
23:29Really?
23:30Oh, yes, he's very successful.
23:32He has two Mercedes,
23:33a big fur coat
23:34and lots of gold jewellery.
23:36Or real gold.
23:37Not like your son.
23:40Well, my son is a good boy
23:42studying for his accountancy exams.
23:44Yes, he's such a humble,
23:46unambitious boy.
23:47Unlike my son,
23:48who has more bitches
23:49than any other pimp in Britain?
23:53Well, he is going to prison,
23:56right now?
23:57Not just prison.
23:59Parkhurst.
24:00What's that?
24:00Oh, yes.
24:01My son has won a place
24:02at Parkhurst
24:03in the same wing
24:04that produced
24:05Reggie Cray,
24:06the Richardsons
24:06and Mad Frankie Fraser.
24:09Well, actually,
24:11my son's accountancy
24:12is just a front.
24:14He is actually working
24:15for the mob.
24:16Achah.
24:17Of course.
24:18He is running
24:19a huge money laundering service
24:21funded by
24:22Mafia Drugs money.
24:23Well, he hasn't got
24:25into prison yet,
24:26you know?
24:27That's because
24:28they haven't built
24:29the prison
24:30that can hold
24:31my beta
24:31or
24:32crazy birdman
24:33who mesh.
24:34That's what
24:34he's known in broad,
24:35more no less.
24:36Yes, well,
24:37my son is known
24:38as the scourge
24:39of the screws
24:39in the entire
24:40British prison system.
24:41And he's renowned
24:43as being the most
24:43vicious slag
24:44that ever did porridge.
24:46Really?
24:48Well, how big
24:49is his Dundas?
24:57Babuji,
25:09I'm untouchable.
25:12That's what I am.
25:17Just untouchable.
25:19Folks don't give a damn.
25:25Like a piece of gun
25:27that clings to me.
25:28How a door that's bund
25:30does bring to me
25:32as if it's a crime.
25:37Put simply that I'm
25:41an untouchable
25:43in every way.
25:48Just untouchable
25:51both night and day.
25:57Why do Asians
25:58just make fun of us?
26:00Don't they realize
26:02they were once
26:03one of us
26:04in a previous life?
26:06They were
26:07untouchables too.
26:15I smell of dung
26:20just untouchable
26:22but I'm well hung.
26:28All I ask is the same opportunity
26:31as the folks
26:33who just throw things
26:35at me.
26:36Our numbers will rise.
26:40Then you'll pay the price
26:45when untouchables
26:47form government.
26:52By untouchables
26:54they'll represent
27:00Then my darlings
27:02no one will insult us
27:04Other casts
27:05will look unenvious
27:07wishing they could be
27:10untouchables too.
27:15Babuji, paisa thudha da.
27:17Golbapne!
27:49...associate himself as the longest triple jumper in history.
27:52Oh, it's huge! It's massive!
27:54My goodness!
27:56That is fantastic and it's legal!
27:59Yes, but how big is this danda?
28:05Goodness gracious me!
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