Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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00:17I don't know.
00:41Father, I must speak. I can be silent no longer.
00:46All day long you mutter to yourself, gibber, dribble, moan, and bash your head against the wall, yelling, I want
00:53to die.
00:54I... now you may say I'm leaping to conclusions, but you're not completely happy, are you?
01:03It's mother, isn't it?
01:04No, it's not.
01:06You're brooding over her death, aren't you?
01:08Kate, for the final time, your mother is not dead. She's run off with your Uncle Henry.
01:13Dear Father, no one can only say such things to comfort me.
01:17Your mother is alive and well and living in Droitwich. It's not her I brood over.
01:23I'm sad because, my darling, our poverty has now reached such extremes that I can no longer afford to keep
01:30us.
01:30And must look to my own dear tiny darling to sustain me in my frail dotage.
01:37But, Father, surely...
01:38Yes, Kate.
01:40I want you to become a prostitute.
01:44Oh, Father.
01:46Do you defy me?
01:47Why, indeed I do.
01:48What is better to die poor than to live in shame and ignominy?
01:52No, it isn't.
01:53And young and strong and clever.
01:56My nose is pretty.
01:58I shall find another way to earn us a living.
02:00Oh, please go on the game.
02:04It's a steady job.
02:06And you'd be working from home.
02:10Goodbye, Father.
02:11I shall go to London.
02:13Disguise myself as a boy.
02:15And seek my fortune.
02:18Why walk all the way to London when you can make a fortune lying on your back?
02:25Oh, very good shot, my lord.
02:27Thank you, Boris.
02:30Sorry I'm late.
02:32Oh, don't bother apologising.
02:33I'm sorry you're alive.
02:36Oh, God, I see the target's ready.
02:41I'd like to see the Spaniard who could make his way past me.
02:45Well, you're in Spain.
02:46There are millions of them.
02:48I advise them to stay there, then.
02:49Keep their hands off our women.
02:51Oh, God.
02:52Who is she this time?
02:54I don't know what you mean.
02:56Jane.
02:57Oh!
03:00And who is Jane?
03:03I'm sworn to secrecy.
03:05Torch me.
03:05Kill me.
03:06You shall never know.
03:07Oh, Jane Harrington.
03:11We're very much in love, my lord.
03:13This is the Jane Harrington.
03:15Yes.
03:15Jane, bury me in a Y-shaped coffin, Harrington.
03:22I think maybe there are two Jane Harrington's.
03:25No?
03:26Tall, blonde, elegant?
03:28Aye, that's right.
03:29Goes like a privy door when the plague's in, then.
03:31Oh, Lord.
03:32Come on, get on with your shot.
03:35You'll get over her.
03:38I did.
03:48So did Balric, actually.
03:53You see, you've got this thing about beards, apparently.
03:56Well, in that case, I'm going to shave.
04:06Bad luck, Baldur's.
04:09Not to worry, my lord.
04:10The arrow didn't, in fact, enter my body.
04:12Oh, good.
04:13No, by a thousand to one chance, my willy got in the way.
04:20Extraordinary.
04:21Yeah, I'd only just put it there.
04:22But now, I will leave it there forever.
04:25Quite so, Balric.
04:27It can be your lucky willy.
04:29Yes, my lord.
04:30Years from now, I'll show it to my grandchildren.
04:33Well, Balric, I think the grandchildren may now be out of the question.
04:36What?
04:37Poor old pea-brainer.
04:39Ha!
04:40Never catch me falling in love.
04:41That's for damn sure as mustard.
04:43Come in.
04:46Good day to you, Lord Blackadder.
04:48Ah.
04:50Good day to you.
04:54Boy?
04:55What is it brings you here?
04:58I'm an honest, hard-working lad, but poor, and I must support my father, who is stark-raving
05:03mad.
05:04Therefore, I come to London to seek a servant's wage.
05:06Well, yes, indeed.
05:07Unfortunately, I already have a servant.
05:09The word is that your servant is the worst servant in London.
05:15Oh, that's true.
05:17Well, Balric, you're fired.
05:18Be out of the house in town.
05:20Well, young man, you've got yourself a job.
05:22What do they call you?
05:23Kate.
05:25Isn't that a bit of a girl's name?
05:28Oh, it's, um, short for, um, Bob.
05:33Bob.
05:34Yes.
05:35Well.
05:36Bob.
05:38Welcome on board.
05:41Sorry, Balric, any reason you're still here?
05:43What if, uh, I've got nowhere to go, my lord?
05:46Oh, surely you'll be allowed to starve to death in one of the royal parks.
05:51I've been in your service since I was two and a half, my lord.
05:54Well, that must be why I'm so utterly sick of the sight of you.
05:57Couldn't I just stay here and do the same job, but for no wages?
06:01Well, you know where you'd have to live.
06:03In the gutter.
06:04Yes.
06:05And you'd have to work a bit harder, too.
06:07Of course, my lord.
06:08All right.
06:08Go and get Bob's stuff in and chuck your filthy muck out into the street.
06:12God bless you, sweet master.
06:14Bob.
06:16Bob, this is Percy.
06:18A dimwit I don't seem to be able to shake off.
06:21Ah, hello there, Bob.
06:23You young roister-duster, you.
06:25You look a likely sort of lad for tricks and sports
06:29and all sorts of jolly, rosy-cheek caperings, eh?
06:32Of course you do.
06:33And more besides, I'll warrant you, young scamp.
06:37Thank you so much for letting me stay, Lord Blackadder.
06:40No, not at all, Bob.
06:41I'm looking forward to having you.
06:42Uh, having another man about the house
06:44instead of that, that animal, Baldrick.
06:48Excuse me, I'm just going to the lavatory.
06:51How little he knows
06:53and how much I would have him know.
06:57I say, Bob,
06:57I think this calls for a celebration.
06:59How about a game of cup and ball
07:01and a slap of tea at Mrs. Miggins' pie shop?
07:04Get lost, creep.
07:07I like you, young Bob.
07:09You've got balls.
07:19Nice try, Melchie, but it's no use.
07:22I'm still bald.
07:24I'm very sorry, madam.
07:26Your royal father used to be very amused
07:28by my impersonation of Columbus.
07:31Doesn't surprise me.
07:32He used to laugh.
07:34Those people with the funny faces and the bells.
07:38No, jesters, ma'am.
07:39No, lepers.
07:43Where's Edmund these days?
07:45Ah, well, the whisper
07:47on the underground grapevine, ma'am,
07:49is that Lord Blackadder
07:50is spending all his time
07:52with a young boy in his service.
07:54Oh.
07:55Do you think he'd spend more time with me
07:57if I was a boy?
07:58Surely not, madam.
08:00You almost were a boy,
08:01my little cherry pip.
08:02What?
08:03Yeah.
08:04Out you popped out of your mummy's tumkin
08:06and everyone shouted,
08:07it's a boy, it's a boy.
08:08And then someone said,
08:09but it hasn't got a winkle.
08:12And then I said,
08:13a boy without a winkle?
08:14God be praise,
08:16it's a miracle,
08:16a boy without a winkle.
08:20And then Sir Thomas More
08:22pointed out that a boy
08:23without a winkle is a girl.
08:25And everyone was really disappointed.
08:27Oh, yes.
08:28Well, you see,
08:29he was a very perceptive man,
08:30Sir Thomas More.
08:31Oh, what has happened to Edmund?
08:34There's something very odd
08:35about someone who spends
08:37all their time with a servant.
08:38Oh, my God.
08:39Oh, my God.
08:52Oh, my God.
09:30Well, Bob, we're a couple of fine lads together, aren't we?
09:33Let's get rutted and talk about girls, eh?
09:37Yes, we could sing some really dirty songs.
09:41Oh, God, I find you curiously pleasant company, young Bob.
09:46I am honoured and for my part, want nothing more than to be with you, old man.
09:50Well, absolutely.
09:52I mean, there's nothing more healthy and normal than having a good chum.
09:59What think you, my lord of love?
10:02You mean, rumpy-pumpy.
10:04What would you say, my lord, if I were to say, I love you?
10:11Um, well, of course, it depends entirely on who you said it to.
10:15If you said it to a horse, I'd presume you were sick.
10:19If you said it to Baldrick, I'd presume you were blind.
10:22And if you said it to me, you were...
10:24Yes, my lord.
10:26Well, well, I'd naturally assume we were having a big lads joke about back ticklers the way we healthy followers
10:32often do.
10:33And I'd probably grab you for a friendly wrestle and then we'd probably slap each other's thighs like jolly good
10:39chums
10:39and laugh at what it would be like if... if we really did fancy each other.
10:46In that case, my lord, I love you.
11:05Don't worry, Bob.
11:06He used to try and kill me, too.
11:09Well, I'd like to see you.
11:10What do you want?
11:12Well, I was wondering if I might sleep on the roof, sir.
11:15Only the town bailiff says if I lie in the gutter, I'll be flushed into the Thames with all the
11:18other turds.
11:20Yeah, certainly, Baldrick.
11:21Help yourself.
11:22I was just off to... to... to bed.
11:25Anyway.
11:26Um, good night, Baldrick.
11:29Good night.
11:30Bob.
11:32Good night, my lord.
11:35Yes.
11:37Oh, God.
11:41Now, then, what seems to be the trouble?
11:44Well, it's my manservant.
11:47I see.
11:48Well, don't be embarrassed.
11:49If you've got the pox, just pop your manservant on the table and we'll take a look at it.
11:55No, no, no.
11:57No, I mean, it's my real manservant.
12:00Uh-huh.
12:00And what's wrong with him?
12:02There's nothing wrong with him.
12:03That's the problem.
12:04He's perfect.
12:05And last night, I almost kissed him.
12:09I see.
12:10So you've started fancying boys, then, have you?
12:13Not boys.
12:14A boy.
12:15Yes.
12:16Well, let's not split hairs.
12:17It's all rather disgusting and naturally all worried.
12:20Of course I'm worried.
12:21Well, of course you are.
12:22It isn't every day a man wakes up to discover he's a screaming bender with no more right to live
12:27on God's clean earth than a weasel.
12:29Ashamed of yourself?
12:30Not really, no.
12:32Bloody hell, I would be.
12:34But still, why should I complain?
12:36It just leaves more rampant totty for us real men, eh?
12:39Look, am I paying for this personal abuse or is it extra?
12:42No, all part of the service.
12:44I think you're in luck, though.
12:46An extraordinary new cure has just been developed for exactly this kind of sordid problem.
12:51It wouldn't have anything to do with leeches, would it?
12:54I had no idea you were a medical man.
12:57I've never had anything you doctors didn't try to cure with leeches.
12:59A leech on my ear for earache, a leech on my bottom for constipation.
13:03They're marvellous, aren't they?
13:05Well, the bottom one wasn't.
13:06I just sat down and squashed it.
13:08You know, the leech comes to us on the highest authority.
13:11Yes, I'd heard that.
13:12Dr. Hoffman of Stuttgart, isn't it?
13:14That's right, the great Hoffman.
13:15Owner of the largest leech farm in Europe.
13:18Yes.
13:19Well, I can't spend all day gossiping.
13:21I'm a busy man.
13:22As far as this case is concerned,
13:25I've now had time to think it over,
13:26and I can strongly recommend
13:28A Course of Leeches.
13:31Well, just pop a couple down my codpiece before I go to bed.
13:36No, no, no, no.
13:37Don't be ridiculous.
13:38This isn't the Dark Ages.
13:40Just pop four in your mouth in the morning
13:42and let them dissolve slowly.
13:44In a couple of weeks,
13:45you'll be beating your servant with a stick,
13:47just like the rest of us.
13:49You're just an old quack, aren't you?
13:51I'd rather be a quack than a ducky.
13:53Good day.
13:56I've got anything to follow, my lord.
13:58There's this lovely fat spider I found in the box.
14:02I was saving it for myself, but if you found it...
14:04Oh, shut up, Bordrick.
14:05I don't eat invertebrates for fun, you know.
14:08This is doctor's orders.
14:09Oh, I don't hold with this newfangled doctrine.
14:13Any problems, I'll go to the wise woman.
14:15Yes, Bordrick,
14:16I'm long past entrusting myself to some deranged druid
14:19who gives her professional address
14:21as one Dunghill Mansion's Putney.
14:31Tell me, young crone, is this Putney?
14:34That it be.
14:35That it be.
14:37Yes, it is, not that it be.
14:41You don't have to talk in that stupid voice to me.
14:43I'm not a tourist.
14:46I seek information about a wise woman.
14:49The wise woman?
14:51The wise woman?
14:53Yes, the wise woman.
14:54Two things, my lord,
14:57must ye know of the wise woman?
14:59Yes.
15:00First,
15:01she is
15:02a woman.
15:05And second,
15:08she is
15:09wise.
15:11You do know her, then?
15:13No.
15:14Just a wild stab in the dark,
15:16which is incidentally
15:17what you'll be getting
15:18if you don't start being a bit more helpful.
15:22Do you know
15:23where she lives?
15:25Course.
15:26Where?
15:26Here.
15:27Do you have an appointment?
15:28No.
15:30Well,
15:31you can go in anyway.
15:33Thank you, young crone.
15:34Here is a purse of monies,
15:35which I'm not going to give to you.
15:45Hail, Edmund,
15:48Lord of Adder's Black.
15:49Hello.
15:51Hello.
15:51Step your nearer.
15:52For already I see
15:53thy bloody purpose.
15:55Thou plotter's Black Adder.
15:57thou wouldst be king
15:59and drown Middlesex
16:01in a
16:02a
16:03bat of wine.
16:04Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
16:08No, no.
16:09No, no.
16:09It's far worse than that.
16:11I'm in love
16:11with my manservant.
16:13Oh, well.
16:14I'd sleep with him
16:15if I were you.
16:16What?
16:17When I fancy people,
16:19I sleep with them.
16:21Oh,
16:21I have to drug them
16:22first,
16:22of course being so old and warty but what about my position my social life very well then three
16:32other paths are open to you three cunning plans to cure thine ailment oh good the first is simple
16:42kill bob never then try the second kill yourself and the third the third is to ensure that no one
16:52else ever knows ah that sounds more like it how kill everybody in the whole now look here Bob I've
17:10got
17:10something very important to say to you and I want you to listen very carefully yes look Bob I've
17:15decided that you are to leave my service oh no my lord my father will starve and I'll have to
17:22become a
17:24male prostitute besides I thought we were friends well we are friends Bob of course of course of
17:30course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course of course
17:35in fact that's the reason I want you to leave my service and become my live-in chum
17:45now I want to make absolutely clear that I'm in no way interested in the contents of your tights
17:51you might be my lord if you knew what I kept in them I know what a gentleman keeps in
17:58his tights thank
17:59you but my lord I have a great secret what prepare to be amazed oh no you haven't got one
18:10of those
18:10birthmarks shaped like a banana have you no or or or a tattoo saying get it here no oh god
18:19you've got
18:20one of those belly buttons that sticks out we'll turn to you well what can it possibly be ah good
18:31lord
18:35so what was all that Bob stuff about then because you would have just used me and cast me aside
18:40like
18:40you have so many women before would I yes but now you've had a chance to grow to love me
18:47for what I
18:48really am yes that's true and now I want to marry you Bob Kate then come kiss me Kate I
19:01bring grave
19:02intelligence of your former favorite Lord Blackadder oh god it appears he wishes to marry a girl called Bob
19:12that's a very odd name for a girl isn't it girls are normally called Elizabeth or Mary and Donald
19:19mouth is open mercy should be shut that is true sweet one I had three sisters and they were called
19:25Donald Eric and Basil then why is your name Nancy that in my real name isn't it no what is
19:32your real name
19:32there Bernard I seek your permission to wait so I hear what do you think of all this I must
19:47profess
19:47madam I'm astonished that blackadder could possibly have eyes for any other woman than yourself good
19:53point they're slightly grovelly but when I fell in love mom I didn't know she was a woman I thought
20:00she
20:00was a boy oh of course that makes it perfectly acceptable oh all right go on and marry her thank
20:09you mom just tell me one thing is her nose as pretty as mine oh no no no no no
20:18no no no no mom oh god
20:21because otherwise I would have cut it off and then you'd have had to marry someone without her nose and
20:27that wouldn't be very nice would it no I mean imagine her nest when she got a cold yuck well
20:40quite
20:40mom all right off you go then everyone seems to get married except me and me mom oh shut up
20:52Bernard
20:55you make a lovely bridesmaid Baldrick pity me that I have no actual girl chums because we were so poor
21:03in
21:03our house we couldn't afford friends it is strange in keeping with the manner of our courtship that
21:08your maid of honor should be a man thank you very much my lord well I use the word man
21:12in its broadest
21:13possible sentence perhaps we all know God made man in his own image it'd be a sad look out for
21:19Christians throughout the globe if God look anything like you all right ignore old mr. grumpy there you
21:27are bolders you look sweet as a little pie okay he looks like what he is a dung ball in
21:36a dress
21:42oh hello there Edmund you didn't tell me we were expecting guests and such a pretty one too
21:53oh god well you're a little cutie to be hiding yourself away all these years tell me gorgeous what's
22:02your name he's called Baldrick that's a pretty name Edmund used to have a servant called Baldrick but
22:16anyway away with such small talk lady kiss so modest to come on you little tease you know you want
22:28to
22:29give us a kiss give us a kiss all right you say sir what's an original perfume
22:55that is our ball Rick he's wearing a dress anyway what do you want well there has been some discussion
23:11around the court on the subject of who's going to be your best man and I thought it might be
23:16the moment
23:16to bring the subject to a conclusion ah yes Percy I would like you oh I'm so proud please let
23:24me finish
23:24I would like you to take this letter to Dover where it's recently got the galleon of my old school
23:29friend and
23:30adventurer Lord Flashheart he shall be my best man Lord Flashheart the best sword the best shot the best
23:39sailor and the best kisser in the kingdom he was he to Dover at once yes actually I was going
23:50to
23:50suggest Lord Flashheart the best man myself all right I can't believe it's really happening it is my
24:10sweet before we go in I want you to meet my father oh fine excuse me could you move along
24:23please
24:28look I'm waiting for my father-in-law last thing I want is some scruffy old beggar
24:34I am your father-in-law oh no all right how much you want to clear off
24:43Edmund how could you hear my father my only living relative ten pounds should do the trick
24:48all right there we go Edmund you mustn't oh don't worry I'll get boring to beat him up after the
24:55ceremony
24:55we'll get the money back oh Edmund could we get on do you think I want to get to the
25:04reception so I
25:05can get scruffy and seduce someone yes unfortunately ma'am my best man still has not arrived we'll get
25:11another one well there's no one else I can really think of nothing my lord just clearing my throat good
25:24good what are you coughing all the way through the ceremony come on Edmund you must be able to
25:30think of another best man well I suppose I could ask Percy Percy my lord can you think of another
25:37best
25:37man well my lord one name does spring to mind yes but I can't ask Baldrick he's a bridesmaid besides
25:48I
25:48need a friend an equal an old and trusty companion I think there is one person in the room who
25:56fits the
25:57description of course nursing how do you fancy putting on a pair of hoes and being my best man
26:03Edmund don't be so naughty you know perfectly well who Percy is referring to all right I'm sorry
26:08Melchard all right all right ashamed as I am and contradiction in terms though it is Percy you can
26:15be the best man oh my lord noble curse what an honor I brought along a ring just I really
26:24did
26:24think old flash would have turned up flash my name flash by nature
26:40where have you been where haven't I be but I'm here now I don't know but he's in your place
26:52not for long
27:02thanks bridesmaid like the beard gives me something to hang on to
27:12so my old mate Eddie's getting hitched eh what's the matter can't stand the pace of the
27:19in crowd hi Queenie you look sexy but listen wear your hair long I prefer it that way
27:29I've got such a crush on him and Melchie
27:36still worshiping God last thing I heard he started worshiping me
27:47mercy I like it firm and fruity am I pleased to see you or did I just put a canoe
27:54in my pocket
27:56down boy down
28:02and now where's this amazing bird the one who stopped my old pal Eddie doing exactly whatever
28:09he wants ten times a night ah yes flash um let me introduce my my fiancee Kate my baby
28:34she's got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a man's tonsils
28:40you don't want to marry this jerk baby meet me on my horse in eight seconds I can't run in
28:44this
28:44rock you see I find I actually prefer wearing boys clothes weird I always feel more comfy in a dress
28:52I've got a plan and it's as hot as my pants
28:56what a man flashes eh things will certainly liven up round here now he's back won't they flash flash so
29:04long suckers next time you get bored of your lives give me a call and I'll come round and kill
29:07you
29:14it is customary on these occasions for the groom to marry the bridesmaid I presume you intend to honor this
29:21I do
29:25some flash or twitch the header's beard from now he always shall be single to fall in love with boys
29:35is weird especially boys without a tingle
29:39black adder black adder black adder black adder black adder his chest is rubber hot black adder black adder i
29:50rang the little sod
29:53lord flash heart lord flash heart i wish you were the star
30:00lord flash heart lord flash heart you're sexier my friend
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