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Black Adder is pure British comedy gold 😂 From Rowan Atkinson’s legendary sarcasm to the chaotic historical disasters, every season delivers iconic humor, savage wit, and unforgettable moments. Whether it’s medieval schemes, royal disasters, or war-time satire, Black Adder remains one of the greatest comedy series ever made. 🇬🇧🔥
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00:28PIANO PLAYS
00:37Oh, God. Bills, bills, bills.
00:40One is born, one runs up, bills, one dies.
00:44And what have I got to show for it? Nothing.
00:46A butler's uniform and a slightly effeminate hairdo.
00:50Honestly, Balric, sometimes I feel like a pelican.
00:53Whichever way I turn, I've still got an enormous bill in front of me.
00:58Pass the biscuit barrel.
01:01Let's see what's in the kitty, shall we?
01:05Nine pence.
01:06Oh, God, what are we going to do?
01:08Don't worry, Mr B. I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
01:13Yes, Balric, let us not forget that you tried to solve the problem
01:15of your mother's low ceiling by cutting off her head.
01:20But this is a really good one.
01:22You become a dashing highwayman, then you can pay all your bills,
01:26and on top of that, everyone will want to sleep with you.
01:29Balric, I could become a prostitute and pay my bills,
01:33and everyone would want to sleep with me.
01:34But I do consider certain professions beneath me.
01:37But besides which, I fail to see why a common thief should be idolised,
01:40just because he has a horse between his legs.
01:42My favourite's the shadow.
01:44What a man.
01:45They say he's halfway to being the new Robin Hood.
01:48Why only halfway?
01:50Well, he steals from the rich,
01:51but he hasn't got round to giving it to the poor.
01:55Look, I've got a poster of him.
01:57Balric, I have no desire to get hung for wearing a silly hat.
02:01If I want to get rich quick,
02:02all I have to do is go upstairs and ask Prince Fathead for a rise.
02:08Oh, the bank's open.
02:13Good morning, sir.
02:15May I say how immensely rich you're looking.
02:18Now, was there anything you wanted, sir?
02:19Anything at all?
02:20Absolutely anything?
02:21Well, yes, old fellow.
02:22I was wondering if you could possibly lend me a bit of cash.
02:25But of course, sir, I...
02:26Cash?
02:27Yes!
02:28I'm rotten, stinking, stony, stinking broke.
02:31Sir, what about the £5,000 that Parliament voted you only last week
02:35to drink yourself to death with?
02:37Oh, God, I'm afraid.
02:39You see, I've discovered this terrifically fun new game.
02:42It's called Cards.
02:44What happens is you sit round a table with your friends
02:46and you deal out five cards each
02:49and then the object of the game
02:50is to give away all your money as quickly as possible.
02:53Do you know it?
02:54Vaguely, sir, yes.
02:56All the chaps say I'm terrific at it.
02:58I seem to remember I was very bad at it.
03:00I always seem to end up with more money than I started with.
03:02Yeah, well, it's all down to practice.
03:04I'm a natural, apparently.
03:05The only drawback, of course, is that it's pretty damn expensive.
03:08So, basically, I was wondering if you could lend me a couple of hundreds.
03:11I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.
03:13I'm as poor as a church mouse that's just had an enormous tax bill
03:16on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse taking all the cheese.
03:21What am I going to do?
03:22Yes, it's a difficult one.
03:24Well, let's see now.
03:25You can't borrow money.
03:27You're not going to inherit any money.
03:29And, obviously, you can't earn money.
03:31Sir?
03:33Sir?
03:34Drastic situations call for drastic measures.
03:36If you can't make money, you'll have to marry it.
03:40Marry?
03:41Never.
03:42I'm a gay bachelor, Blackadder.
03:44I'm a roarer, a rogerer, a gorger and a puker.
03:49I can't marry.
03:50I'm young.
03:51I'm firm buttocked.
03:52I'm...
03:53Broke.
03:54Well, yes, I suppose so.
03:56And don't forget, sir, that the modern church smiles on roaring and gorging within wedlock.
04:01And, indeed, rogering is keenly encouraged.
04:05And the puking?
04:07I believe it's still very much down to the conscience of the individual church guests.
04:11Oh, yes.
04:12Tally-ho, then, Blackadder.
04:13Yes, you fix it up.
04:14You know the kind of girls I like.
04:15They've got to be lovers, laughers, dancers and bonkers.
04:21That goes without saying.
04:24Oh, God.
04:26Something wrong, Mr. Beat?
04:27I can't find a single person suitable to marry the prince.
04:31Oh, please keep trying.
04:32I love a royal wedding.
04:33The excitement, the crowds, the souvenir mugs.
04:38Worrying about whether the bride's lost weight.
04:42Unlikely with this lot, I'm afraid.
04:44If the prince had stipulated must weigh a quarter of a tonne, we'd be laughing.
04:49But the 262 princesses in Europe, 165 are over 80, they're out.
04:5347 are under 10, they're out.
04:56And 39 are mad.
04:58Well, they sound ideal.
04:59Well, they would be if they hadn't all got married last week in Munich to the same horse.
05:04Which leaves us with two.
05:06And what about them?
05:07Well, as Grand Duchess Sophia of Turin, we'll never get her to marry him.
05:11Why not?
05:12Because she's met him.
05:18Which leaves?
05:19Caroline of Brunswick is the only available princess in Europe.
05:23And what's wrong with her?
05:24Get more coffee.
05:25It's horrid.
05:25Change it.
05:26Take me roughly from behind.
05:27No, not like that.
05:27But like this, trousers off, tackle out, water dog, where's my peasant?
05:31All right, which one do you want me to do first?
05:35No, that's what Caroline's like.
05:38She's famous for having the worst personality in Germany.
05:41And as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
05:46So, you're stuck then?
05:48Yes, I'm afraid I am.
05:50Unless, oh, unless.
05:53Pass me the paper, Balric, quick.
05:56Balric, why has half the front page been found?
06:00I don't know.
06:01You do know, don't you?
06:03Yes.
06:04You've been cutting out the cuttings about the elusive shadow to put in your highwayman's scrapbook, haven't you?
06:10Oh, I can't help it, Mr. B.
06:12His life is so dark and shadowy and full of fear and trepidation.
06:18So is going to the toilet in the middle of the night, but you don't keep a scrapbook on it.
06:23I do?
06:23Let's see.
06:25Now, let's see.
06:26Society pages.
06:27You see, it needn't necessarily be a princess.
06:30All the prince wants is someone pretty and rich.
06:32Oh, dear.
06:33That rules me out, then.
06:34Now, let me see.
06:36Bo Brummel in purple pants probe.
06:41King talks to tree.
06:43Few what a loony.
06:45God, the Times has really gone downhill recently.
06:50Listen to this.
06:51Listen to this.
06:52Mysterious northern beauty, Miss Amy Hardwood, comes to London and spends flipping great
06:58wadges of cash.
07:00That's our baby.
07:04Honestly, Blackadder, I don't know why I'm bothering to get dressed.
07:06As soon as I get to the naughty Hellfire Club, I'll be de-bagged and radished for non-payment
07:11of debts.
07:12Radished, sir?
07:14Yes, they pull your britches down and push a large radish.
07:16Yes, yes, yes.
07:20There's no need to hammer it home.
07:23As a matter of fact, they do often do...
07:24No, no!
07:27Your, um, your money worries are over, sir.
07:31Well, hurrah for that.
07:32I have found you a bride.
07:33Her name is Amy, daughter of the noted industrialist, Mr Hardwood.
07:38Oh, damn it, Blackadder.
07:39You know I loathe industrialists.
07:41Sad, balding little proles in their damier eyes whisk it.
07:45All puffed up just because they know where to put their legs on a pair of trousers.
07:48Oh, believe me, sir, these people are the future.
07:51This man probably owns half of Lancashire.
07:53His family's got more mills than... than you've got brain cells.
07:59How many mills?
08:00Seven, sir.
08:02A lot of mills, then.
08:03Yes.
08:04He has patented a machine called the Raveling Nancy.
08:07What does it do?
08:09It ravels cotton, sir.
08:11What for?
08:12That I cannot say, sir.
08:14I'm one of those people who are quite happy to wear cotton, but have no idea how it works.
08:19She's also a beauty, sir.
08:20Well, if she's going to be my bird, she'd better be.
08:23Right, so what's the plan?
08:25Well, I thought I could take her a short note, expressing your honourable intentions.
08:29Yes.
08:30Yes, I think so, too.
08:31All right, then.
08:32We'll take this down.
08:33From His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales, to Miss Amy Hardwood.
08:38Tanny-ho, my fine, saucy young trollop.
08:41You're what's it?
08:43Trip along here with all your cash and some naughty night attire, and you'll be staring
08:48at my bedroom ceiling from now till Christmas, you lucky tart.
08:53Yours, with the deepest respect, etc., sign George.
08:56P.S.
08:57Woof, woof.
08:59Well, what do you think?
09:01It's very moving, sir.
09:04Would you mind if I change just one tiny aspect of it?
09:07Which one?
09:08The words?
09:11Oh, yes, I'll leave the details to you, Blackadder.
09:13Just make sure she knows I'm all man.
09:15With a bit of animal thrown in.
09:18Certainly, sir.
09:21From His Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales, to Miss Amy Hardwood.
09:25The upturned tilt of your tiny wee nosy smells as sweet as a great big posy.
09:33Fanciful stuff, of course, madam, but from the heart.
09:35He says my nosy is tiny.
09:37And wee, madam.
09:38Oh, well, he must be an awful clever, Glox, because, you see, my nosy is tiny.
09:45And so wee, that I sometimes think the pixies gave it to me.
09:54He continues.
09:57Oh, Lady Amy, Queen of all your sex.
10:00I apologise for the word, madam, but Prince George is a man of passion.
10:04Oh, don't worry.
10:05I can get pretty cross myself sometimes.
10:09Tell me, Mr. Blackadder, I've heard a teensy rumour
10:12that the Prince has the manners of a boy cow's dingle-dangle.
10:16What do you have to say to that?
10:18Oh, that is a lie, madam.
10:20Prince George is shy and just pretends to be bluff and crass
10:24and unbelievably thick and gittishly.
10:27Whilst deep down, he is a soft little marshmallow-y, piglet-y type of creature.
10:32Oh, I'm so glad, because, you see, I'm a delicate time-eating myself.
10:38Weak and silly and like a little fluffy rabbit.
10:41So I could never marry a horrible half-a-lump,
10:44or I might get squished.
10:48When can I meet the lovely Prince?
10:50You want to meet him?
10:52Well, if we're going to get married, I think I probably ought to.
10:55I know.
10:56Tell him to come and serenade me tonight.
10:59I'll be on my balcony in my gym jams.
11:04Hey, Ope.
11:05Who's this big girl's blouse, Eddie?
11:08Brother, this is Mr. Blackadder.
11:10He's come a-wooing from the Prince.
11:12You have a beautiful and charming daughter, sir.
11:15Indeed I do.
11:16I love her more than any pig, and that's saying some of it.
11:20It certainly is.
11:22Let me tell you,
11:24I'd no more place her in the hands of an unworthy man
11:26than I'd place my John Thomas in the hands of a lunatic with a pair of scissors.
11:33An attitude that does you credit, sir.
11:35I'd rather take off all my clothes and paint my bottom blue
11:38than give her to a man who didn't love her.
11:40What self-respecting father could do more?
11:43On the other hand,
11:45if he's a prince,
11:46he can have her for ten bob and a pickled egg.
11:49I can see where your daughter gets her ready wit, sir.
11:52Although where she gets her good looks and charm
11:54is perhaps more of a mystery.
11:57No one ever made money out of good looks and charm.
11:59You obviously haven't met Lady Hamilton, sir.
12:06Not only, Baldrick,
12:07I'm not looking forward to this evening
12:09trying to serenade a light, fluffy bunny of a girl
12:13in the company of an arrogant half-German yob
12:15with a mad dad.
12:17He's the Prince of Wales.
12:19Have you ever been to Wales, Warren?
12:21No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
12:23Well, don't.
12:24It's a ghastly place.
12:26Huge gangs of tough, sinewy men
12:28roam the valleys,
12:29terrifying people with their close harmony singing.
12:34You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat
12:36just to pronounce the place name.
12:40Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick.
12:43You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
12:46So being Prince of it isn't considered a plus?
12:50I fear not, no.
12:51But the crucial thing
12:52is that they must never be left alone together
12:54before the marriage.
12:56Isn't that a bit unfair on her?
12:58Well, it's not particularly fair on him, either.
12:59The girl is wetter than a haddock's bathing costume.
13:03But, you know, Baldrick, the world isn't fair.
13:06If it was, things like this wouldn't happen, would they?
13:14Right, so what's the plan?
13:15Shim up the drain and ask if she'll take delivery
13:18of your consignment of German sausage?
13:23As we rehearsed,
13:24poetry first, sausage later.
13:29Sir, what if Harold the Horny Hunter
13:31should do the trick?
13:32Just remind me of it, sir.
13:34Harold the Horny Hunter
13:35had an enormous horn.
13:36Shh, yes, yes.
13:38It is absolutely excellent, sir.
13:39However, why'd I suggest
13:41an alternative, though?
13:43Lovely little dumpling,
13:44how in love I am.
13:46Let me be your shepherdkins.
13:48You can be my lamb.
13:50Well, I think we'll be very lucky
13:51if she doesn't just come out
13:52under the balcony and vomit over us.
13:54It's not a scheme of the world.
13:55Right, then, then.
13:56You just stand right here, sir.
13:59Right.
13:59Call for her romantically.
14:01Right.
14:03Oi, come on out here,
14:04you roll-up-ing, troll-up-ing sauce-buttle!
14:08George!
14:09Woof, woof!
14:12Is that you?
14:14Yes, yes, yes, tis I,
14:16your gorgeous little love bundle.
14:19Oh, George,
14:20I think you must be
14:21the snuggly, wuggliest lambkin
14:23in the whole of Toyland.
14:27Yuck!
14:28What was that?
14:30Uh, nothing.
14:31There was just a little fly
14:32in my throaty.
14:33Yuck, yuck!
14:35Do you want the hanky-wanky
14:37to cop the flammy-wemmy woo-woo,
14:38wouldn't you?
14:40Whoa, crick!
14:41Oh, what is that?
14:43Is there someone else
14:44down there with you?
14:45No, no, no,
14:46it was just the wind
14:47whistling through the trees
14:48and making a noise
14:49that sounded like
14:51fwoah,
14:52crick!
14:56Oh, joy!
14:57Then come,
14:58Prince Cuddly Kitten,
15:00climb up my ivy.
15:02Sausage time!
15:04There is someone
15:05down there with you.
15:06Oh, my God, yes,
15:07yes, so there is.
15:08A filthy intruder
15:09spying on our love.
15:10Oh, hit him, George.
15:11Hit him!
15:13Very well.
15:13Would you mind screaming,
15:15Your Highness?
15:15Take that!
15:16And that!
15:17And that!
15:19Oh, you're so brave!
15:22And I'm so worn out
15:24with all the excitement.
15:25I'd better go sleepy,
15:26boboes,
15:27otherwise I'll be
15:28all cross in the morning.
15:30Nighty-night,
15:31Georgey-poorgy!
15:32Nighty-whitey,
15:33Amy-wamey.
15:36I think it worked, sir.
15:38In the morning,
15:39I shall go in
15:39and ask her father.
15:40You go out
15:41and start spending
15:42his money.
15:43I can't stand meanness
15:44when it comes
15:44to wedding presents.
15:46And well done, sir.
15:47You were brilliant.
15:48Was I?
15:48Yes, sir.
15:49But I'm in agony.
15:50Well, that's love for you.
15:53So,
15:54I come as emissary
15:55of the Prince of Wales
15:56with the most splendid news.
15:58He wants your daughter,
15:59Amy,
15:59for his wife.
16:00Well, his wife can't have her.
16:04That lady's search
16:05come here
16:05with such a suggestion.
16:07Night, sir,
16:08or I shall take off
16:09me belt
16:09and by thunder
16:10me trousers
16:11will fall down.
16:13Sir,
16:14sir,
16:14you misunderstand.
16:15He wants to marry
16:16your lovely daughter.
16:17Oh,
16:19can't it be possibly through?
16:21Surely,
16:22lovers never cross
16:23such boundaries of class.
16:25What about you and Mum?
16:26Well,
16:26yes,
16:27yes,
16:27I grantly
16:27when I first met her.
16:28I was the farmer's son
16:29and she was just
16:30the lass who ate
16:30the dung
16:31but that was an exception.
16:32And now did that
16:33and Uncle Ted?
16:34Yes,
16:34yes,
16:34all right.
16:34He was a pig poker
16:35and she was
16:36the Duchess of Argyle
16:37but...
16:37I've got to Ruth
16:38and Uncle Isaiah.
16:39She was a milk maiden.
16:40He was the Pope.
16:40Yes,
16:41yes,
16:41all right.
16:42Who are you?
16:44Suffice it to say,
16:45if you marry,
16:46we need never be poor
16:47or hungry again.
16:48Sir,
16:48we accept.
16:49Good.
16:50So,
16:50obviously,
16:50you'll be wanting
16:51an enormous ceremony.
16:53What did you say?
16:54Well,
16:55obviously,
16:56now we're marrying quality,
16:58we'll never be poor
16:59or hungry again.
16:59Meaning that you're
17:01poor and hungry
17:01at the moment?
17:02Oh,
17:02yes.
17:03We've been living
17:04off lark butties
17:05for five years now.
17:07I'm so poor
17:08I use my underpants
17:09for drying dishes.
17:11So,
17:11you're skint.
17:12Aye.
17:13Well,
17:14in that case,
17:14the wedding's off.
17:15Good day.
17:16Oh,
17:16but what about
17:17George's lovey-wovey poems
17:18that won my hearty-wovey?
17:20All writteny-whitney
17:21by me-wee,
17:22I'm afraidy-weady.
17:23Goodbye.
17:28Sir,
17:29you know I told you
17:30to go out and spend
17:30a lot of money
17:31on wedding presents.
17:32Well,
17:33apparently...
17:36Yes?
17:38Nothing.
17:44Crisis,
17:44Baldrick.
17:45Crisis.
17:46No marriage,
17:47no money,
17:47more bills.
17:48For the first time
17:49in my life,
17:50I've decided to follow
17:50a suggestion of yours.
17:52Saddle Prince George's horse.
17:53Oh,
17:54sir,
17:54you're not going to become
17:55a highway man,
17:55are you?
17:56No,
17:56I'm auditioning for the part
17:58of Arnold the Bat
17:59in Sheridan's new comedy.
18:01Oh,
18:02that's all right,
18:02then.
18:03Baldrick,
18:04have you no idea
18:04what irony is?
18:06Yeah.
18:07It's like goldy
18:09and bronzy,
18:09only it's made of iron.
18:11Never mind,
18:12never mind.
18:13Just saddle
18:14the Prince's horse.
18:15Well,
18:16that'll be difficult.
18:16He wrapped around
18:17that gas lamp
18:18in the Strand
18:18last night.
18:20Well,
18:20saddle my horse,
18:21then.
18:22What do you think
18:22you've been eating
18:22for the last two months?
18:25Well,
18:26go out into the street
18:26and hire me a horse.
18:28Hire your horse?
18:29For nine pence?
18:30One Jewish New Year
18:31in the rain?
18:32A bare fortnight
18:33after the dreaded
18:34horse plague
18:35of old London town
18:36with a blacksmith's strike
18:37in its 15th week
18:39and the Dorset
18:39Horse Fetishist's Fair
18:41tomorrow?
18:42Right.
18:43Well,
18:43get this on,
18:44then.
18:44It looks as though
18:45you can do
18:45any exercise.
18:51ever since Mother died,
18:52you've tried
18:52to stop me growing up.
18:54I'm not a little girl,
18:55I'm a grown woman.
18:57In fact,
18:57I might as well
18:57tell you now,
18:58Papa,
18:58I'm pregnant
18:59and I'm an opium fiend
19:01and I'm in love
19:01with a poet called Shelley
19:02who was a famous whoopsie
19:04and Mother didn't die,
19:05I killed her.
19:07Well,
19:08never mind.
19:12Stand and deliver.
19:13Oh,
19:14no.
19:14Oh,
19:15no,
19:15no,
19:15no,
19:16no,
19:16no,
19:16disaster.
19:18It's the shadow.
19:19We're doomed.
19:20Doomed.
19:21Ah,
19:21good evening,
19:21Duke,
19:22and the lovely
19:23Miss Cheapside.
19:23Your cash bags,
19:25please.
19:26There we are.
19:27You'll never get away
19:28with this,
19:28you scandal.
19:29You'll be caught
19:30and damn well hung.
19:31I think he looks
19:32pretty well hung.
19:32Madam,
19:33please,
19:33not the judge
19:33about me looking
19:34pretty well hung already.
19:35We have no time.
19:3618.
19:38Now,
19:38sir,
19:39turn out your pockets.
19:40Never,
19:40sir.
19:40A man's pockets
19:41are his own private kingdom.
19:43I'll protect them
19:43with my life.
19:44I see.
19:45You've got something
19:45embarrassing in there,
19:46have you?
19:47Perhaps a particularly
19:48repulsive handkerchief,
19:49hmm?
19:49One of these fellows
19:50who has a big blow
19:51and then doesn't change it
19:52for a week.
19:53That's how they look,
19:54sorry.
19:56Ah.
19:56Ah.
19:57Hi, woman,
19:58I also have a jewel.
19:59I fear, however,
20:01that I have placed it here
20:02beneath my petticoats
20:03for protection.
20:05Well,
20:05in that case,
20:06madam,
20:06I think I'll leave it.
20:07I'm not sure
20:08I fancy the idea
20:08of a jewel
20:09that's been in
20:09someone's pants.
20:12A single kiss
20:13of those soft lips
20:14is all I require.
20:15Never, sir.
20:16A man's soft lips
20:17are his own private kingdom.
20:19I shall defend
20:20them with my life.
20:21I'm not talking
20:22to you,
20:22grandad.
20:27I'm overcome.
20:29Take me with you
20:30to live the life
20:30of the wild rogue,
20:31cuddling under haystacks
20:32and making love
20:33in the branches
20:34of tall trees.
20:35Madam,
20:36sadly,
20:36I must decline.
20:37I fear my horse
20:38would collapse
20:39with you
20:39on top of him
20:39as well, see.
20:41I could try.
20:46No,
20:47Quicksilver,
20:48you couldn't.
20:48Well,
20:49that's not fair,
20:49then.
20:50I've had you
20:51on my back
20:51for ten miles.
20:52I haven't even
20:52got a kiss out of it.
20:54Oh,
20:54all right.
20:55Very well,
20:55then.
20:58All fair now?
21:00Not really,
21:00no.
21:01No pleasing
21:02some horses.
21:03Hi-oh,
21:04Quicksilver!
21:04No!
21:07Papa,
21:08you did nothing
21:08to defend my honour.
21:10Oh,
21:10shut your face,
21:11you pregnant junkie
21:12fag hag.
21:15Well,
21:15Baldry,
21:16a good night's work,
21:18I think.
21:18It's time to divide
21:19the loot,
21:20and I think it's only fair
21:21that we should share it equally.
21:22Which I suppose
21:23is highwayman's talk
21:25for you get the cash,
21:26I get the snotty hanky.
21:27No,
21:27no,
21:28no,
21:28we did this robbery together,
21:29so you get half the cash.
21:31Oh,
21:31thank you,
21:32Mr B.
21:32This robbery,
21:33on the other hand,
21:34I'm doing alone.
21:35Hand it over,
21:36your money or your life.
21:39All fair and above board.
21:41Fair enough.
21:41As long as I haven't been cheated,
21:43I don't mind.
21:44Hands up.
21:45I'm the shadow,
21:46but I never miss.
21:48Oh,
21:49no.
21:50You,
21:51the one that looks like a pig.
21:53He's talking to you,
21:55Baldry.
21:56Skedaddle.
22:00So,
22:01who have we here?
22:05Well,
22:06a well-set-up fellow indeed.
22:09Sir,
22:09a kiss.
22:11Sorry,
22:11I'm not sure I heard that correctly.
22:13Oh, dear.
22:15Maybe your ears need unblocking.
22:17Oh,
22:17I see a kiss.
22:18Of course,
22:18of course,
22:18of course.
22:19And then perhaps a little light supper,
22:20some dancing.
22:21Who knows where it might be.
22:25Good Lord,
22:26it's you.
22:27Of course.
22:29But your voice,
22:30it's clever,
22:30isn't it?
22:31Does your father know you're out?
22:33He had to go.
22:35You mean he's dead?
22:35Yes.
22:36Dead as that squirrel.
22:38Which squirrel?
22:44Oh,
22:44that squirrel.
22:46Of course.
22:47You've killed him
22:48for ruining your chances
22:49of marrying Prince George.
22:51I despise the prince.
22:53Don't you know
22:54it's you I want?
22:55I want a real man.
22:58A man who can
22:59sew on a button.
23:00A man who knows
23:01where the towels are kept.
23:03And,
23:04yes,
23:05I crave
23:06your fabulous,
23:07sinewy body.
23:08Well,
23:09you're only human.
23:12Here's the plan,
23:13brown eyes.
23:14You rob the prince
23:15of everything he's got
23:16right down to the clothes
23:17he's standing in.
23:18I'll get my stash
23:20and meet you here.
23:21And then we'll run away
23:22to the West Indies.
23:23Well,
23:24I don't know.
23:24I'll have to think about it.
23:26I've thought about it.
23:27It's a brilliant plan.
23:29I'll see you here
23:31tomorrow.
23:34Right.
23:35I'm off.
23:36Oh, sir,
23:37but what about the danger?
23:38Look,
23:38the reward's going up
23:39day by day.
23:40Ha!
23:41I laugh in the face of danger.
23:43I drop ice cubes
23:44down the vest of fear.
23:46Things couldn't be better,
23:47Baldrick.
23:47She'll get me abroad
23:48and make me rich.
23:49Then I'll probably drop her
23:51and get 200 concubines
23:53to share my bed.
23:54Won't they be rather prickly?
23:59Concubines, Baldrick,
24:00not porcupines.
24:02I still can't believe
24:03you're leaving me behind.
24:05Oh,
24:05don't you worry.
24:06When we're established
24:06on our plantation
24:07in Barbados,
24:08I'll send for you.
24:09No more sad little London
24:11for you, Baldrers.
24:12From now on,
24:13you will stand out
24:14in life
24:14as an individual.
24:15Will I?
24:16Of course you will.
24:17All the other slaves
24:18will be black.
24:20Mr Blackadder,
24:22what's all this
24:23I hear about you?
24:24Buying a bathing costume
24:25and 40 gallons
24:26of coconut oil.
24:27Are you going abroad
24:28then, sir?
24:29Yes,
24:30I'm off.
24:30Oh, sir,
24:31what a tragic end
24:33to all my dreams.
24:35And I'd always hoped
24:37that you'd settle down
24:38and marry me
24:38and that together
24:39we might await
24:40this slither
24:41of tiny adders.
24:44Mrs Anne,
24:45if we were the last
24:46three humans on Earth,
24:48I'd be trying to start
24:49a family with Baldrick.
24:50Ah!
24:55Well,
24:56here I am,
24:57all packed
24:58and ready to go.
24:59Duff,
25:00I'm so pleased to see you
25:02and I've got
25:03a little surprise
25:04for you.
25:04Close your eyes
25:06and open your mouth.
25:07Mmm.
25:09Hand over the loop,
25:10goat brains.
25:11Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
25:13I always say
25:14the bedrock
25:15of a good relationship
25:16is being able
25:16to laugh together.
25:17Good, well done.
25:18So, which way
25:19to Barbados?
25:20You're not going
25:21to Barbados.
25:22Get away from the cart,
25:23Mr Slimy,
25:24or I'll fill you
25:25so full of lead
25:26we could sharpen
25:27your head
25:27and call you
25:28a pencil.
25:29This is turning
25:30at a really rotten evening.
25:32Well, you'd better
25:33make the most of it
25:34because it's your last.
25:37And it's a pity
25:38because it's usually
25:40against my principles
25:41to shoot dumb animals.
25:44Except squirrels.
25:45Yes.
25:47Bastards.
25:48I hate them
25:49with their long tails
25:50and their stupid
25:51twitchy noses.
25:55I shall return
25:57at midnight
25:57to collect the loot
25:59when I'll fill you
26:00so full of holes
26:01I could market you
26:02as a new English cheese.
26:09Oh, God.
26:10What a way to die.
26:12Shot by a transvestite
26:14on an unrealistic
26:15grassy knoll.
26:17Morning, Mr B.
26:18Oh, Baldrick?
26:20Baldrick.
26:20Thank you for introducing
26:22me to a genuinely
26:23new experience.
26:24What experience is that?
26:25Being pleased to see you.
26:28Now, what are you doing here,
26:29you revolting animal?
26:30I've come for the
26:31shadows' autograph.
26:32You know, I'm a great
26:33fan of the shadows.
26:35Yes, just in time,
26:36you, Baldrick.
26:36Come on.
26:36What?
26:37Has he gone?
26:38Oh, what a pity.
26:39I wanted him to
26:40autograph my new poster.
26:42Look, his reward's
26:42gone up to
26:43£10,000.
26:44Good Lord.
26:46£10,000.
26:47Yep.
26:48That gives me an idea.
26:50Baldrick,
26:51take this cartload
26:52of loot
26:52back to the palace
26:53and meet me back
26:54here at midnight
26:54with ten soldiers,
26:56a restless lynch mob
26:58and a small
26:58portable gallows.
27:02Ah, brekkers.
27:04I could eat
27:0514 trays of it
27:06this morning
27:07and still have room
27:08for a dolphin
27:08on toast.
27:10Any particular reason
27:12for this gluttonous
27:13celebrity, sir?
27:14Oh, what do you
27:14think, Blackadder?
27:15I'm in love.
27:16I'm in love.
27:17I'm in love.
27:18I'm in love.
27:18Oh, Amy.
27:19Bless all ten
27:20of your tiny little
27:21pinkies.
27:22Ah, let's see
27:23what's in the paper.
27:26Oh, my God!
27:27She's been arrested
27:28and hanged!
27:31Really?
27:33It turns out
27:34she was a highwayman.
27:36Tch, these modern girls.
27:38Apparently,
27:39someone tipped off
27:40the authorities
27:40and collected
27:41the £10,000
27:42reward.
27:43What a greasy sneak.
27:45Oh, if only
27:46I could get my hands
27:47on him.
27:47Tch, you can't
27:48test anyone
27:49these days, sir.
27:50It says here
27:51that she had
27:52an accomplice.
27:55But they don't
27:56know who it was.
27:59Amy, Amy, Amy,
28:00I shall never
28:01forget you.
28:02Never, ever,
28:03never, ever.
28:05Right, what's
28:06for breakfast?
28:07Pinter easy.
28:08Great.
28:09Actually, come to
28:10think of it, Blackadder,
28:10I didn't need
28:11to get married
28:11anyway.
28:12I've got pots
28:12of money.
28:13Really?
28:14Mm.
28:14The most extraordinary
28:15thing happened.
28:16I was a bit peckish
28:17during the night,
28:17so I nipped downstairs
28:18to the biscuit barrel.
28:20The biscuit barrel?
28:21And do you know
28:21what I found inside?
28:23£10,000
28:24that I never knew
28:25I had.
28:26I've got so much
28:27money now,
28:28I don't know
28:28what to do with it.
28:30How about
28:30a game of cards, sir?
28:33Excellent idea.
28:43Oh yeah.
28:58Adam, Adam...
29:11Black Adder
29:31Black Adder
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