- 1 day ago
Charlie and Kate Horse Around
When Sam's favorite horse from her riding stable is relocated to an "equine therapy" farm, Charlie decides a visit to the farm might be beneficial to his anger group. While the group bickers over dividing up the chores to care for the horse, Charlie and Kate sneak the horse out for a romantic evening ride, with disastrous results. Meanwhile, when Sam visits the farm, she takes a liking to a stableboy, to the concern of Charlie and Jen.
When Sam's favorite horse from her riding stable is relocated to an "equine therapy" farm, Charlie decides a visit to the farm might be beneficial to his anger group. While the group bickers over dividing up the chores to care for the horse, Charlie and Kate sneak the horse out for a romantic evening ride, with disastrous results. Meanwhile, when Sam visits the farm, she takes a liking to a stableboy, to the concern of Charlie and Jen.
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00:00Even though my father hadn't called me on my last three birthdays, this time I was hopeful.
00:05So I waited until midnight, and when he didn't call, I was completely devastated.
00:16Yes!
00:18What's going on?
00:19I just made 20 bucks.
00:21I got devastated in the Patrick pool.
00:24I was sure he'd say aghast.
00:26When his family members are bad Chardonnay, he always goes with aghast.
00:31Everything in Patrick's life either makes him feel devastated, aghast, or speechless.
00:36I cannot believe this.
00:38I am speech...
00:39I hate you people.
00:42Well, I have to say that I am disappointed.
00:53Disappointed.
00:56Okay, okay, I think I see what's going on here.
01:01Lately, you're either disappointed or extremely disappointed.
01:05That's because you're supposed to be sharing, not attacking each other.
01:07Lacey, Lacey, you of all people should understand Patrick's pain.
01:10You have a distant father also.
01:12Probably some nomadic Arab spends all his time in the desert looking for the goat that's going to be his
01:18next wife.
01:20I told you a thousand times, old man.
01:23He was born in India.
01:25Get a globe, you bloated hillbilly.
01:29Lacey, Lacey, that's enough.
01:31Listen to yourselves.
01:32You've been doing nothing but sniping at each other.
01:34The reason we do this in a group is so you can help each other resolve your anger issues.
01:38Not bet on what Patrick will say or laugh when Nolan gets lost in his hoodie.
01:44Yeah, it's not funny.
01:46Once your head's in the sleeve, panic sets in.
01:50I'm sorry.
01:52It was funny for the first couple minutes.
01:54Then it was sad.
01:55Then it was really, really funny again.
01:58You might want to take a lesson from the Taj Mahor over there.
02:03She doesn't have any trouble getting out of her clothes.
02:06She is not a slut, Ed.
02:08Her clothes fall off her body because they're cheap and poorly made.
02:12Shut up!
02:13Oh, what's the matter, Lacey?
02:15Are you devastated?
02:16Okay, okay, okay, stop it! Stop it!
02:18What is wrong with you people?
02:20You know what?
02:21Don't answer that.
02:23Nobody talk.
02:25We are all gonna close our eyes and sit here for a minute and reflect on what just happened.
02:58Hey, Charlie.
02:59Are you supposed to be in group?
03:00Yeah, but you're pissing me off.
03:02I'm really disappointed.
03:03Woo-hoo!
03:06Meditate!
03:11You guys back from horseback riding already?
03:13We never went.
03:14We found out they retired Butterscotch.
03:16Oh, no!
03:18Who's Butterscotch?
03:21My favorite horse of all time.
03:23They shipped him off to an equine therapy ranch in San Bernardino.
03:28But I think we all know what that means.
03:33They didn't kill the horse, Mom.
03:34Equine therapy is a real thing.
03:37People go to take care of a horse so they can relax and de-stress.
03:40That's right, honey.
03:42Of course it's a real thing.
03:45Butterscotch is alive and well and helping people not be crazy by being alive.
03:52Dad, will you please tell her?
03:54Let me see if I can help.
03:56It's true, Jen.
03:58Equine therapy is a real thing.
04:01And so are crazy people.
04:04Oh, crap.
04:06Well, that's cool.
04:07Hey, the horse is alive!
04:13What?
04:14It just sounded fake.
04:15Well, it's not.
04:17It's a highly respected method of helping people with anxiety, ADD, social disorders.
04:22Basically, everyone in the other room.
04:26You think they're open next week?
04:28If I could take the group.
04:29Hey, you could take me and Sam.
04:31She could see Butterscotch.
04:33Well, I guess.
04:33I mean, she'd be hanging with the group if you're okay with that.
04:36Sure!
04:36I'm always saying Sam doesn't have enough angry, psychotic role models.
04:41Don't beat yourself up, Jen.
04:42There's only so much one woman can do.
04:45I'm gonna go tell the group about the trip.
04:48They're meditating.
04:52You know what?
04:53Tell them later.
04:54They're gone, aren't they?
04:56Everyone except Ed.
04:58He's asleep.
05:00Someone drew what I can only hope is a rocket ship going into his mouth.
05:10Horse therapy.
05:12So you really think that's going to help your group bond?
05:14Haven't you seen Seabiscuit?
05:16That horse healed a nation and fought the Germans or something.
05:21That doesn't sound right.
05:22Fine, I didn't see it, but I could tell from the poster that whatever he did was pretty impressive.
05:27Charlie, therapy groups are like rock bands.
05:29Eventually they get sick of each other, it becomes toxic, somebody has to leave, usually the bass player.
05:35I was the best thing in that band.
05:38Yeah, well, my gut tells me they still have something to offer each other.
05:41Charlie, you only think with two things, your gut and your gut's downstairs neighbor.
05:46And they both make dumb decisions.
05:49It's time to start using your brain.
05:51You know what?
05:51I can't be in a non-emotional, no-commitment relationship with you if you don't respect me.
05:57Aw, come on, Charlie.
05:59I thought you were happy with our dynamic.
06:01You're reaching, and I'm settling.
06:05Cute.
06:07But even Freud said that there's meaning behind every joke.
06:10Except for the one about the restaurant on the moon.
06:13The restaurant on the moon?
06:14Yeah.
06:15It's got no atmosphere.
06:17That's just funny.
06:19Actually, it's a commentary on societal norms and the expectations of the nouveau riche.
06:24Okay, I don't think you get it.
06:26The place has got no air.
06:29God, you're the most condescending person I've ever met.
06:32I don't think you mean condescending.
06:35I think you mean patronizing.
06:37Don't tell me what I mean.
06:39I'll tell you what I mean.
06:40Then tell me what you mean.
06:42It's got no air.
06:47Everybody, this is Butterface.
06:49It's butterscotch, sir.
06:51Yes, of course it is.
06:53Look at him.
06:54His face is beautiful.
06:55And this is Jimmy.
06:56He'll teach you how to groom and feed butterscotch.
06:58No writing.
06:59That's our policy.
07:00Despite what every single picture in the brochure suggests.
07:04Do you like to pet him, miss?
07:05I don't pet animals.
07:07They get too excited.
07:10He's not excited now.
07:12He's feeling scared and tired.
07:15How in the hell would you know that?
07:17I've had a mystical connection with horses ever since I was ten when one kicked me in the head.
07:22Well, there's one tiny piece of the puzzle.
07:26Anyway, as a group, you'd be responsible for his daily care.
07:29Grooming, feeding, exercising, cleaning out his stall.
07:31Nolan can't do that for himself.
07:33How in the hell is he going to do it for a horse?
07:36All right, all right.
07:37Everybody needs to chill around the horse.
07:38He's a little stressed since they moved him here and they haven't gotten him to eat yet.
07:42If I weighed 1,200 pounds, I wouldn't eat either.
07:45Oh, you'd eat.
07:47But you'd so be jamming your hoof down your throat.
07:50So let's divvy up the chores.
07:52Who wants to do what?
07:53Ooh, uh, can I do nothing?
07:56Bonding experience only works if everyone participates.
07:59Can't we just bond as a group separately?
08:01I get along with people so much better when I'm not around them.
08:05What kind of sarcasm may work in the big city, Patrick?
08:07You're out here in cowboy country now, 35 minutes east of the big city.
08:11Depending on traffic.
08:14Now, who wants to try to get butterscotch to eat?
08:16Well, I brought a bag of something that always makes me hungry.
08:20You want them to eat, not sit around and watch cartoons.
08:24Hey, Ed, why don't you handle the grooming?
08:27All right.
08:29Now, don't let this thing throw you.
08:31It's called a brush.
08:32It's for something younger people call hair.
08:36Patrick, that's the kind of behavior that we're trying to change.
08:39So, since you can dish it out, let's see if you can scoop it up.
08:43Looks like somebody picked the wrong day to wear suede loafers with no socks.
08:48It's not helpful, Nolan.
08:49Oh, butterscotch said it.
08:50I just repeated it.
08:52Good one.
08:56Oh, my gosh.
08:58Butterscotch.
08:59Hi.
09:00I missed you so much.
09:04Hey.
09:06Sup?
09:07Nothing.
09:09Cool.
09:11Sup?
09:11Mom!
09:13What?
09:17Hey.
09:18Did you see what was going on back there?
09:20Yeah, I saw.
09:20And I'm worried.
09:21Me too.
09:22But he is gorgeous.
09:24I guess.
09:25He does have those big, beautiful eyes.
09:27Makes you want to take care of him.
09:28Take care of him?
09:30I'm worried he's going to try and have sex with Sam.
09:34Butterscotch?
09:35The stable boy!
09:37What the hell's wrong with you?
09:38Aren't you worried she's going to hook up with Jimmy?
09:41Well, now that I've considered this other thing, that doesn't seem so bad.
09:45She can't take her eyes off that boy.
09:47It's all in your head, Mrs. Robinson.
09:49Just because you want to gallop bareback on this table boy doesn't mean Sam does.
09:54Gallop bareback?
09:55I'm old enough to be his MILF.
09:57Uh, technically you're not somebody's MILF.
10:00You're a MILF.
10:01Oh, thank you.
10:06People think you're old and tired and no use to anybody, don't they?
10:12Sounds like you two have a lot in common.
10:15And now he reminds me of my wife.
10:17Except people still want to ride you, don't they, buddy?
10:21Could you move, please?
10:22I want to do his bangs.
10:26Okay.
10:27Almost perfect.
10:28Now you just got to shake it out like you just don't care.
10:31Hi.
10:32I'm only feeding him a couple extra bags of carrots.
10:35I don't see what the problem is.
10:36The problem is I have to clean up after him.
10:38There is orange poop everywhere.
10:40You've turned this poor animal into a Play-Doh fun factory.
10:45Shut up.
10:46You're upsetting the horse.
10:47You shut up.
10:48You're the one yelling in his ear and trying to turn him into a $5 four-legged whore.
10:54Hey, the horse says to stop yelling at her.
10:57And he also thinks she looks really hot.
10:59I wouldn't kill her to wear a miniskirt tomorrow.
11:02Shut up.
11:03Stop acting like this horse is talking to you inside your head.
11:05Oh, my God.
11:06Lacey, what have you done to his mane?
11:08Somebody get me a flat iron.
11:09All right, that's it.
11:11I'm not going to stand here and listen to you people treat this horse like some kind of an animal.
11:16Where are you going, Em?
11:19What happened here?
11:20I'll tell you what happened here.
11:21The last time I was around people I hated this much, I was around these people.
11:28Okay, the fun factory's open again, and I am not playing.
11:38It's okay, Nolan.
11:38You don't have to stay.
11:40Oh, thank God.
11:41The horse has asked me to do some really weird things.
11:49Well, Butterscotch, maybe I was wrong about keeping the group together.
11:55Yes, you were, you big jackass.
11:59Nice language, Butterscotch.
12:01What, were you raised in a barn?
12:03That wasn't funny when my mom said it.
12:07Might have been funnier if he was raised in a restaurant on the moon.
12:17What are you doing all the way out here?
12:19There's 20 minutes, no traffic.
12:22Why don't you just tell the truth?
12:24You came to apologize.
12:25No.
12:26I came here because I like to ride horses, and I like the smell of hay.
12:29Now to apologize.
12:31Apology accepted.
12:36And I'm sorry your group bonding experiment isn't going well.
12:39That was the horse's opinion, not mine.
12:42The group bailed.
12:43But at least Lacey put some glitter on the horse and turned it into a better-than-average-looking stripper.
12:51Look, I know how bad you must feel.
12:54I look into your eyes, and I can see how you're hurting, and I feel terrible for you.
13:00Ugh.
13:02What?
13:02I was being sincere.
13:03I know, and it was awful.
13:05I liked it much better when you were being condescending.
13:09I'm going to make him stick it out one more day and try to make this work.
13:13You know why?
13:14Downrefundable deposit.
13:15A little.
13:17But mostly because I believe in them.
13:20Oh, you're an idiot.
13:22And she's back.
13:25See you in a minute.
13:26Oh, and, uh, when you do, uh, maybe it would be really hot if we went for a horseback ride.
13:31Oh, no, they don't allow you to ride the horses out here.
13:34You know, I had my first orgasm riding a horse.
13:39It does seem like you could use a little exercise.
13:48Can I see all the members of Butterscotch's group, please?
13:59Look, I know you guys aren't loving this whole horse thing.
14:01That's not true.
14:02We love Butterscotch.
14:04We just can't stand each other.
14:06And this wagon-feel nightmare that is a hotel.
14:11Fine.
14:12That's your prerogative.
14:13You can give up on the group, but you cannot get your responsibilities to that horse.
14:17I don't care how you do it, but that horse will be taken care of until we leave on Sunday.
14:21All right, I'll feed him.
14:23Butterscotch reminds me of my old army buddy, Hank.
14:27Hank also ate an apple out of my hand.
14:29And, of course, he just had both his arms blown off, so it's a little different.
14:39So you know what they say.
14:41Apple a day.
14:47All right.
14:49I can make a quick schedule where we all have visitation rights and none of us have to see each
14:55other.
14:55Ed, you can take Butterscotch in the mornings, Nolan can take him in the afternoons, I can take him for
15:03dinner, and Lacey can put him to bed at night.
15:06Great.
15:07You know he hates to go to sleep, so I have to be the disciplinarian and you get to be
15:12the fun one.
15:13You're just jealous because the horse and I have a rapport.
15:16Oh, like you're his favorite?
15:18He's ashamed of you.
15:22Hey, did you know before this was a horse ranch, it was just land that had no horses on it?
15:30That's amazing.
15:33So who are you texting?
15:36I don't know.
15:38You know, we really don't get to talk like this at home.
15:43You really have to get away from this kind of bonding.
15:47So, that stable boy, Jimmy, he's pretty cute, huh?
15:52I don't know.
15:56Look, I may be worried over nothing, but you just don't want to get caught up in the excitement of
16:01being away from home for the weekend and do something you'll regret.
16:06Mom, I'm not going to have sex.
16:08I still have those condoms you gave me when I was 13 and you thought I was going to be
16:12a more popular teenager.
16:14Well, if you ever do want to talk about it, I'm here.
16:18We have talks about sex all the time.
16:20I wish you'd get a boyfriend so we could talk about something else.
16:25Me too.
16:30So how was that for you?
16:32You still need me for anything?
16:34Plenty.
16:35Would you be offended if I called you Butterscotch?
16:40I was kind of hoping you'd be done.
16:42I guess what, riding this woman does the opposite for men.
16:45You're kidding.
16:46A lot of bouncing on things that don't need to be bounced on.
16:50Well, I've got bad news, partner.
16:52You've got lots more bouncing to do.
16:59Hard to believe, but this is going to be my first actual role in the hay.
17:03It's also your first stable relationship.
17:08And Butterscotch liked it, didn't he?
17:18Oh, my God, I think your joke just killed the horse.
17:21I mean, he's just sleeping.
17:23You know, with his tongue hanging out and foam coming out of his mouth.
17:26I've been that tired.
17:30Charlie, the only thing missing are the cartoon X's over his eyes.
17:33Oh, this is so bad.
17:36We just killed my daughter's favorite horse.
17:37What am I going to do?
17:39I say you put an empty bottle of pills in a tuff and we get the hell out of here.
17:47Where's Sam?
17:48I've got to talk to her.
17:48She went to say goodnight to Butterscotch.
17:51Oh, crap.
17:52What's wrong?
17:54Oh, here's the thing about Butterscotch.
17:56He's not doing all that well.
18:00How can you tell?
18:01Because he's dead.
18:05What?
18:06Yeah, I was with him earlier, just petting him, and all of a sudden he just died.
18:13You're lying.
18:14I always know when you're lying, you have a tell.
18:17Oh, really?
18:18What's my tell?
18:19You've lied to me for 20 years.
18:21That's your tell.
18:23Did your group do it?
18:25Oh, God, I've got to deal with that, too.
18:29No, no, it was me.
18:32Took him out for a ride, and when we got back, he just keeled over.
18:36Damn it, Charlie.
18:37Sam is so attached to that horse.
18:40This is going to devastate her.
18:41She's never had to deal with death before.
18:43I know.
18:44I was kind of hoping my dad would die first.
18:45I should be ready for something like this.
18:51Hey, Sam.
18:54You doing okay, sweetie?
18:55I'm good.
18:56I just saw Butterscotch.
18:57Butterscotch?
18:58I am so sorry, Sam.
19:01About him retiring?
19:02It's okay.
19:03I just walked him down to the lake, and we laid on the grass, and looked up at the stars,
19:09and he seemed really happy.
19:11I'm going to go there right here, buddy.
19:12No, no, no.
19:13You were just with Butterscotch?
19:15Yeah.
19:17And he walked to the lake?
19:21Yeah.
19:23He's so beautiful and sweet.
19:28It's the best weekend of my life.
19:39Stable boy.
19:45Hey, guys.
19:46Got your call.
19:48I think it's great that you all came together to honor Butterscotch.
19:52Why do bad things happen to good horses?
19:59Who knows?
20:00Maybe it was old age.
20:01Maybe he ate something.
20:03All we know for sure is it was nobody's fault.
20:09Goodbye, Butterscotch.
20:11You were the glue that held us together.
20:16Bad words.
20:17Sorry.
20:26I'm starting to forget what he looks like already.
20:28He was big and brown.
20:30Oh, right.
20:37Wow.
20:38Your group really pulled together for this.
20:42So, what you're saying is my instincts to keep the group together were right, but in your giant, overeducated brain,
20:48I was wrong.
20:51Possibly.
20:53Possibly.
20:55I'm really glad you came up here.
20:57You are?
20:58Yeah, I could use a ride home.
21:01Jen got thrown off the property for roughing up a stable boy.
21:04So, you want to go kill another horse?
21:08Well, daylight.
21:09The best I can offer is a piggyback ride back to my room.
21:13Giddyup.
21:14I'm the baker.
21:24I'm so sorry.
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