- 8 hours ago
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00:36Oh, la, la.
00:40Good morning, Mr. Pickens.
00:42Bonjour, monsieur.
00:43What?
00:45Bonjour, monsieur.
00:46It's French.
00:47So is eating frogs, cruelty to geese, and urinating in the street.
00:52But there's no reason to inflict it on the rest of us.
00:55But French is all the fashion.
00:57My coffee shop is full of French's,
01:00and it's all because of that wonderful Scarlet Pimpernel.
01:04The Scarlet Pimpernel is not wonderful, Mrs. Pickens.
01:07There's no reason whatsoever to admire someone
01:08for filling London with a load of garlic-chewing French tops,
01:12crying ooh-la-la and looking for sympathy all the time
01:15just because their fathers had their heads cut off.
01:18A cup of coffee and some shepherd's pie, please.
01:20Oh, we don't serve pies anymore.
01:24My French clientele consider pies uncouth.
01:28Now, how do they think that a nation that eats snails
01:30and would go to bed with the kitchen sink if it put on a tutu
01:33is in any position that treats cuteness?
01:36So what is on the menu?
01:37Well, today's hot choice is
01:40Chicken Pimpernel in a scarlet sauce,
01:42Scarlet Chicken in a Pimpernel sauce,
01:44or huge, suspicious-looking sausages
01:47in a Scarlet Pimpernel sauce.
01:49What exactly is Scarlet Pimpernel sauce?
01:51You take a large, ripe frog, squeeze it!
01:55Yes, yes, all right.
01:58Ah, bonjour, monsieur.
02:00S'ad off.
02:09Oh, sir, poor little Mildred the cat.
02:12What's he ever done to you?
02:13It is the way of the world, Baldrick.
02:15The abused always kick downwards.
02:16I'm annoyed, and so I kick the cat.
02:19The cat pounces on the mouse,
02:21and finally the mouse bites you on the behind.
02:25And what will I do?
02:26Nothing.
02:27You are last in God's great chain.
02:29And that's, of course,
02:30there's an earwig around here
02:32that you like to victimise.
02:33Baldrick, what's happened to your nose?
02:36Nice, isn't it?
02:37No, it isn't.
02:38It's revolting.
02:39Oh, I'll take it off, then.
02:42Baldrick, why are you wearing a false boil?
02:45What are we to expect next?
02:47A beauty wart?
02:49A cosmetic Veruca?
02:52It's a scarlet pimple, sir.
02:55Really?
02:55Yeah, they're all the rage down our way.
02:57Everyone wants to express their admiration
03:00for the great pimple and his brilliant disguises.
03:03They seek him here.
03:05They seek him there.
03:06Those Frenchies seek him everywhere.
03:08Is he in heaven or is he in hell?
03:10And what's that revolting garlic smell?
03:13Well, what has this fellow done,
03:15apart from pop over to France
03:17to grab a few French knobs
03:18from the ineffectual clutches
03:20of some malnourished, whinging lefties,
03:23taking the opportunity while there, no doubt,
03:25to pick up some really good cheap wine
03:27and some of their marvellous open fruit flans?
03:30Does anyone know we hate the French?
03:32We fight wars against them.
03:34Did all those men die in vain
03:35on the field of Agincourt?
03:37Was the man who burnt Joan of Arc
03:38simply wasting good matches?
03:43Ah, his royal highness,
03:44the pinhead of Wales,
03:46somehow.
03:46You know, I feel almost well disposed
03:48towards him this morning.
03:49At a chump though he may be,
03:51at least he's not French.
03:54Un toast!
03:55Encore un toast, I say.
03:57Le Pimpernel Scarlet.
03:59Le Pimpernel Scarlet.
04:03Ah, Le Adonois.
04:04Come over in.
04:09This is the fellow to ask you, chaps.
04:11My butler, terribly clever.
04:13Brighter than a brain pie.
04:15Our Black Hatter,
04:16we're trying to guess
04:17who the Scarlet Pimpernel is
04:19so we can send him
04:19an enormous post-lauder
04:21to express our admiration.
04:22Any ideas?
04:23Well, I'm sure if you address
04:24the envelope to the biggest show-off
04:26in London,
04:27it would reach him eventually.
04:28Tish and pish!
04:29Dad zooks me like it.
04:31How dare you say such a thing?
04:33Damn me, sir,
04:34if you're not the worst kind of swine.
04:36Damn that swine.
04:38I'm sorry, sir,
04:39I was merely pointing out
04:40that sneaking aristocrats out
04:41from under the noses
04:42of French revolutionaries
04:43is about as difficult
04:44as putting on a hat.
04:47Sink me, sir,
04:48this is treason.
04:49A Scarlet Pimpernel's a hero
04:50and the revolution is orchestrated
04:52by a ruthless band
04:53of highly organised killers.
04:55Damn them.
04:56Damn those organised killers.
04:59George,
05:00if I remember rightly,
05:01we were just discussing
05:02the French embassy ball
05:03in honour of the exiled aristocracy.
05:06We certainly were.
05:07Where I intend to wear
05:08the most magnificent pair of trousers
05:10ever to issue forth
05:11from the delicate hands
05:12of Messrs Snipcock and Turkey,
05:14couturier to the very wealthy
05:16and the extremely fat.
05:18If the Pimpernel does finally reveal himself,
05:20I don't want to get caught out
05:20wearing boring trousers.
05:22Save those boring trousers.
05:24Well, what say we bet your cocksure domestic
05:29a thousand guineas
05:30he can't go to France,
05:32rescue an aristocrat
05:33and present him at the ball?
05:36Ha!
05:37That's damned you white, hasn't it?
05:39That's frightened you,
05:40you lily-livered,
05:41caramel-keedneyed,
05:43custard-coloured can.
05:44Not so buoyant now, are you?
05:46Eh?
05:47Eh?
05:47Eh?
05:48On the contrary, sir.
05:49I'll just go and pack.
05:50Oh.
05:52Perhaps Lord Smedley
05:53and Lord Toppo
05:54will accompany me.
05:55I'm sure it will be
05:56a fairly easy trip,
05:57the odd death-defying leap
05:58and a modest amount
05:59of dental torture.
06:00It might have come.
06:02Oh, no!
06:03Oh, no.
06:03Damn!
06:04Damn!
06:05Any day now,
06:07I've got an appointment
06:08of my doctor.
06:10I've got a bit of a sniffle
06:12coming on.
06:12I can feel it in my bones.
06:14Tim bones,
06:15Tim bones, Tim.
06:17What about next week?
06:19Oh, come on, you touch,
06:20get your diaries out.
06:20Come on.
06:21All right.
06:23Damn!
06:23Damn!
06:24I've left it behind.
06:25He earned.
06:25And besides,
06:26I've just remembered,
06:27my father's just died.
06:29I've got to beat his funeral
06:30in ten minutes.
06:31Damn, sorry.
06:32Goodbye, your highness.
06:34Eh?
06:35Damn.
06:36I'm the best man.
06:38Damn!
06:39Damn, father.
06:40Damn.
06:41Bye-bye.
06:42See you at the ball.
06:43Yes.
06:46Oh, what a shame
06:46they were so busy.
06:47Would have been lovely
06:48to have had them with us.
06:50Us?
06:51Yes.
06:52You're coming, sir?
06:53Oh, certainly.
06:54Ah.
06:55And nothing I can say
06:56about the mind-bending horrors
06:58of the revolution
06:59could put you off?
07:00Oh, absolutely not.
07:01Now, come on, Black Arrow,
07:02let's get packing.
07:03I want to look my best
07:04for those fabulous French birds.
07:06Sir, the type of women
07:08currently favoured in France
07:09are toothless crones
07:11who just cackle insanely.
07:13Oh, ignore that.
07:14They're just playing hard to get.
07:17By removing all their teeth,
07:19going mad and ageing 40 years.
07:21That's right,
07:22the little teasers.
07:23Now, come on.
07:24Um, I think a blend
07:26of silks and satins.
07:27I fear not, sir.
07:28If we are to stand
07:29any chance of survival
07:30in France,
07:31we shall have to dress
07:32as the smelliest lowlife imaginable.
07:34Oh, yes?
07:35What sort of thing?
07:36Well, sir,
07:36let me show you
07:37our Paris collection.
07:39Baldrick is wearing
07:41a sheep's bladder jacket
07:42with matching dungball accessories.
07:46Hair by Crazy Meg
07:48of bedlam hair.
07:50Notice how the overpowering aroma
07:52of rotting pilchards
07:53has been woven cunningly
07:55into the ensemble.
07:56Baldrick,
07:57when did you last
07:58change your trousers?
07:59I have never changed
08:00my trousers.
08:02You see,
08:03the ancient Greek, sir,
08:04wrote in legend
08:04of a terrible container
08:06in which all the evils
08:07of the world were trapped.
08:08How prophetic they were.
08:10All they got wrong
08:11was the name.
08:12They called it
08:12Pandora's Box,
08:14when, of course,
08:14they meant
08:15Baldrick's Trouser.
08:17You certainly can get
08:19a bit whiffy,
08:19there's no doubt.
08:21We are told
08:22that when the box was opened,
08:23the whole world
08:24turned to darkness
08:25because of Pandora's
08:26fatal curiosity.
08:27I charge you now,
08:29Baldrick,
08:29for the good of all mankind,
08:31never allow curiosity
08:32to lead you
08:33to open your trousers.
08:35Nothing of interest
08:36lies therein.
08:38However,
08:39Your Highness,
08:39it is trousers
08:40exactly like these
08:41that you will have to wear
08:43if we are to pass
08:44safely into France.
08:47Yes, well,
08:47you know,
08:48on second thoughts,
08:49I think I might give
08:49this whole thing a miss.
08:50You know,
08:50my tummy's playing up a bit.
08:52I wish,
08:53wish I could come,
08:54but just not pass
08:54with this tongue.
08:55I understand
08:56perfectly, sir.
08:57Also,
08:58the chances of me scoring
08:59if I look and smell like him
09:00are zero.
09:01Well,
09:01that's true, sir.
09:02We shall return presently
09:03to bid you farewell.
09:05Mr. B,
09:06I've been having
09:06second thoughts
09:07about this trip to France.
09:09No, why?
09:10Well,
09:10as far as I can see,
09:11looking and smelling like this,
09:13there's not much chance
09:14of me scoring either.
09:18Well,
09:18Blackadder,
09:19this is it.
09:20Yes, sir.
09:21If I don't make it back,
09:22please write to my mother
09:23and tell her
09:24that I've been alive
09:25all the time.
09:25It's just that I couldn't
09:26be bothered to get in touch
09:27with the old woman.
09:28Well,
09:29of course,
09:29old man,
09:29it's the very least
09:30I can do.
09:31We must leave at once.
09:32The shadow's lentil
09:33and we have a long
09:34and arduous journey
09:35ahead of us.
09:36Farewell,
09:37dear master
09:37and,
09:38dare I say,
09:39friend.
09:41Farewell,
09:42brave liberator
09:42and,
09:43dare I say it,
09:44butler.
09:51Right,
09:51stick the kettle on,
09:52balders.
09:53Well,
09:53aren't we going to France?
09:54Of course we're not
09:55going to France.
09:56It's incredibly dangerous there.
09:58Well,
09:58how are you going to win
09:59your bet?
09:59As always,
10:00Baldrick,
10:00by the use of the large
10:02thing between my ears.
10:04Oh,
10:04your nose.
10:08No,
10:08Baldrick,
10:09my brain.
10:10All we do
10:11is lie low here
10:12for a week,
10:13then go to Mrs.
10:14Miggins's,
10:14pick up any old
10:15French aristocrat,
10:16drag him through a puddle,
10:17take him to the ball
10:17and claim our thousand guineas.
10:19But what if the prince
10:21finds us here?
10:22He couldn't find
10:23his own fly buttons,
10:24let alone the kitchen door.
10:27What a pair of trousers!
10:31I shall be the belle
10:33of the embassy bull.
10:34Now,
10:35how do you put them on?
10:37like Adam!
10:38Oh,
10:39no,
10:39damn,
10:39he's gone to France.
10:40Well,
10:41I'll do it myself.
10:41Shouldn't be too difficult.
10:42Um,
10:44uh,
10:48well,
10:49Baldrick,
10:50what a very pleasant week.
10:51We must do this more often.
10:53Yes,
10:54I shall certainly choose
10:55revolutionary France
10:56for my holiday again next year.
10:59Well,
11:00time to go to work.
11:01Off to Mrs.
11:02Miggins's
11:02to pick up any old
11:03French toff.
11:08What do you think that is?
11:09Well,
11:10if I was feeling malicious,
11:11I would say it was the prince
11:12still trying to put his trousers on
11:13after a week.
11:19Ah,
11:20Mrs.
11:20Miggins,
11:20I'd like a massive plate
11:22of pig strotters,
11:23frog's legs
11:24and snail's ears,
11:26please,
11:26all drenched in your lovely
11:28scarlet pimpernel sauce.
11:29Not so hostile to the
11:31Frenchies now,
11:32Mr. B.
11:32Certainly not,
11:33Mrs. M.
11:33I'd sooner be hostile
11:34to my own servant.
11:38In fact,
11:38I came here
11:39specifically to meet
11:40lovely Frenchies.
11:42Well,
11:42vive to that
11:43and an eclair
11:43for both of us.
11:45Vive indeed.
11:46Now,
11:46what I'm looking for,
11:47Mrs. M.,
11:48is a particular
11:48kind of Frenchie,
11:49namely one who is
11:50transparently of noble blood,
11:52but also short on cash.
11:54Oh,
11:54well,
11:54I've got just the fellow
11:55for you
11:55over there
11:56by the window,
11:58the Comte de Frufru.
12:00He's pretty down
12:01on his luck.
12:02He has made
12:03that horse's willy
12:04last all morning.
12:09We have struck garlic.
12:14Now,
12:15you can have some lunch for it.
12:19Le Comte de Frufru,
12:20I believe.
12:23Do you speak English?
12:25A little.
12:26Yes.
12:26When you say a little,
12:28what exactly do you mean?
12:28I mean,
12:29can we talk
12:29or are we going to spend
12:30the rest of the afternoon
12:31asking each other
12:31the way to the beach
12:32in very loud voices?
12:34Oh, no.
12:35I can order coffee,
12:37deal with white earth,
12:38make sexy chit-chat
12:39with girls,
12:40that type of thing.
12:42Have it?
12:42Just don't ask me
12:43to take a physiology class
12:45or direct a light opera.
12:46No?
12:46No, I won't.
12:47Now, listen,
12:48Frufru,
12:49would you like
12:49to earn some money?
12:53No, I wouldn't.
12:54I would like
12:55other people to earn it
12:56and then give it to me.
12:57Just like in France
12:58in the good old days.
13:00Yes, but this is a chance
13:01to return to the good old days.
13:03Oh, how I would love that.
13:06I hate this life.
13:07The food is filthy.
13:09This huge sausage
13:10is very suspicious.
13:13If I didn't know better,
13:14I'd say it was a hostage.
13:15Yes, yes, yes.
13:18The plan is this.
13:19I have a bet on with someone
13:20that I can get a Frenchman
13:22out of Paris.
13:22I want you
13:24to be that Frenchman.
13:25All you have to do
13:26is come to the embassy with me,
13:28say that I rescued you,
13:29and then walk away
13:30with 50 guineas
13:31and all the volubons
13:33you can stuff in your pockets.
13:34What do you say?
13:35It will be a pleasure.
13:38If there's one thing
13:39we aristocrats enjoy,
13:41it's a fabulous party.
13:42All the music,
13:44all the laughter.
13:45Well,
13:46if only I'd brought
13:47my mongoose costume.
13:54Yes, well,
13:56obviously it hasn't really
13:57got going yet.
13:58I think that's a bit
13:59of an understatement,
14:00Fru-Fru.
14:00I've been in autopsies
14:02with more party hours.
14:04Don't worry.
14:05In a moment,
14:05we will hear the sound
14:06of music
14:07and unbelovedere.
14:14Bonsoir, monsieur.
14:16Bonsoir.
14:16Ah, good evening,
14:17my man.
14:17Do you speak English?
14:19Little.
14:20Good.
14:20Well, just take me
14:21to the ambassador,
14:22then, will you?
14:23Pardon?
14:25I have rescued
14:27an aristocrat
14:29from the clutches
14:30of the evil revolutionaries.
14:33Please take me
14:34to the ambassador.
14:36No, I won't.
14:39I am an evil revolutionary
14:42and have murdered
14:44the ambassador
14:45and have turned him
14:47into paté.
14:52And you,
14:54aristopeig,
14:55are trapped.
14:56Pig, ha!
14:57You will regret
14:58your insolence,
14:59revolutionary, dog.
15:01Dog, ha!
15:02You will regret
15:02your arrogant royalist snake.
15:05Snake, ha!
15:06Look, I'm sorry
15:06to interrupt
15:07this very interesting
15:08discussion,
15:08but it really
15:08is none of my business,
15:10so I think
15:10I'll be on my way.
15:11Come on, Boric.
15:12Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
15:13Not so fast, English.
15:15In rescuing
15:16this, uh,
15:17this, uh,
15:18a brat,
15:19the stinky weed,
15:21you are attempted
15:21to pervert
15:23revolutionary justice.
15:25Do you know
15:26what they do
15:27to people
15:27who do that?
15:29They're given
15:30a little present
15:30and allowed
15:31to go free.
15:32No.
15:32They're smacked
15:34and told not
15:34to be naughty
15:34but basically
15:35let off.
15:36No.
15:37I think I know.
15:38What?
15:38They're put in
15:39prison for the night
15:40and brutally
15:41guillotined
15:42in the morning.
15:42Don't bother.
15:44Your little gnome
15:46is correct,
15:47monsieur.
15:48Gentlemen,
15:49welcome
15:50to the last
15:50day of your life.
15:53How dare you,
15:54you filthy
15:55whizzle?
15:56Whizzle, ha!
15:57You're one to talk
15:57aristo warthog.
15:59Warthog?
16:00Ha!
16:00Ha!
16:01Excuse me,
16:01prou-prou.
16:02Look,
16:03mate,
16:04me old mate,
16:04we're both
16:05working class.
16:06We both hate
16:07these rich bastards.
16:08I mean,
16:08come on,
16:09come on,
16:09me old mucker.
16:10Just,
16:10just let me go.
16:11You've got
16:11nothing against me.
16:12On the contrary,
16:14I hate you,
16:15English,
16:15with your boring
16:16trousers
16:17and your shiny
16:18bullet paper
16:19and your ridiculous
16:21preconceptions
16:22that Frenchmen
16:23are great lovers.
16:25I'm French
16:26and I'm hung
16:26like a baby carrot
16:27to the couple
16:28of people.
16:30Farewell,
16:31old mucker.
16:33And death
16:33to the aristoes.
16:34Death to the aristoes.
16:35Oh, shut up,
16:36mouse brain.
16:39Monsieur,
16:40why do you
16:40waste your worlds
16:41on this scum?
16:42Have no fear.
16:43This scarlet pimpernel
16:44will save us.
16:46Ha!
16:46Some hope.
16:47The pimpernel
16:48is the most
16:49overrated human being
16:50since Judas Iscariot
16:52when the AD 31
16:53Best Disciple competition.
16:55Well,
16:56if he should,
16:57fellas,
16:58here,
16:59I have these
17:00suicide pills.
17:01One for me,
17:03one for you,
17:05and one
17:06for the dwarf.
17:08Don't say thank you,
17:10Baldrick.
17:10Thank you,
17:11Mr. Frooth.
17:12Nuh-uh.
17:15Ah, the pimpernel!
17:16Hooray!
17:18Ah, the ambassador,
17:20hooray.
17:23I've got nothing
17:24to do.
17:26So I think
17:27I will torture
17:30you,
17:31aristo-mongrel.
17:32Mongrel?
17:33Ha!
17:33I look forward
17:34to it,
17:34proletarian skunk.
17:36Skunk, ha!
17:37We'll see about that,
17:38aristocratic happy bottomless.
17:39Happy bottomless, ha!
17:40We'll soon see who's there.
17:42Happy bottomless,
17:42poly-diams.
17:43The black?
17:44I'm glad to say
17:45I don't think
17:46you'll be needing
17:47those pills,
17:48Mr. B.
17:49Am I jumping the gun,
17:51Baldrick,
17:51or are the words
17:52I have a cunning plan
17:53marching with
17:54ill-deserved confidence
17:56in the direction
17:56of this conversation?
17:58We certainly are.
17:59Well, forgive me
18:00if I don't jump up
18:01and down with glee.
18:02Your record in this
18:02department is not
18:03exactly 100%.
18:05So what's the plan?
18:06We do nothing.
18:09Yep.
18:09It's another world beater.
18:12OK, I haven't finished.
18:14We do nothing
18:15until our heads
18:17have actually been cut off.
18:21And then we
18:22spring into action.
18:24Exactly.
18:25You know how
18:26when you cut
18:27a chicken's head off
18:28it runs round
18:28and round the farm?
18:30Yeah.
18:32Well, we wait
18:33until our heads
18:34have been cut off,
18:35then we run
18:36round and round
18:36the farmyard,
18:37out the farm gate
18:38and escape.
18:40What do you think?
18:41My opinions are
18:42rather difficult
18:43to express in words.
18:44So I can put it
18:45this way.
18:48It doesn't really matter
18:49because the scarlet
18:50pimpernel will save us
18:51anyway.
18:52No, he won't,
18:53Baldrick.
18:54Either I think up
18:55an idea
18:55or tomorrow we die.
18:57Which, Baldrick,
18:58I have to tell you
18:58I have no intention
18:59of doing
18:59because I want to be
19:01young and wild
19:02and then I want to be
19:03middle-aged and rich
19:04and then I want to be
19:05old and annoy people
19:07by pretending
19:07that I'm deaf.
19:10Just be quiet
19:11and let me think.
19:14I can't sleep,
19:15Mr Blackadder.
19:17I said shut up.
19:20I'm so excited
19:21to think that the
19:22scarlet pimpernel
19:23will be here
19:23at any moment.
19:24I wish you'd forget
19:25this ridiculous fantasy,
19:26Baldrick.
19:27Even if he did turn up,
19:28the guards would be
19:29woken by the
19:29scraping noise
19:31as he tried to squeeze
19:32his massive swollen head
19:33through the door.
19:35I couldn't sleep
19:36when I was little.
19:37You still are
19:38a little boy.
19:39Yeah, well,
19:40when I was even littler.
19:41See, we used to live
19:42in this haunted hovel.
19:45Every night,
19:45my family were troubled
19:47by a visitation
19:48from this disgusting ghoul.
19:51It was terrible.
19:53First there was
19:54this unholy smell.
19:55Then this tiny,
19:57clammy,
19:58hairy creature
19:59would materialise
20:01in the bed
20:01between them.
20:03Fortunately,
20:03I could never
20:04see it myself.
20:05Yes.
20:06Tell me, Baldrick,
20:07when you left home,
20:09did this repulsive entity
20:10mysteriously disappear?
20:12That very day.
20:15I think then
20:16that the mystery
20:17is solved.
20:17Now, shut up.
20:19Either I think
20:20of an idea
20:20or tomorrow
20:21we meet our maker.
20:22In my case,
20:23God.
20:24In your case,
20:25God knows.
20:26But I'd be surprised
20:27if he's won
20:28any design awards.
20:31Right?
20:32I've thought of a plan.
20:33Hooray!
20:35Also,
20:35I've thought of a way
20:36to get you to sleep.
20:37What?
20:38Oh!
20:41Morning, scum.
20:43Did we sleep well?
20:44Like a top,
20:45thank you.
20:46But by Jiminy,
20:47you must be feeling
20:48thirsty after your
20:49long night's brutality.
20:50Drink?
20:52Oh, no, merci.
20:53Not while I'm on duty.
20:54Ah.
20:55Perhaps later.
20:57For you, monsieur,
20:59there is no letter.
21:00Because, gentlemen,
21:01I am proud to introduce
21:03France's most
21:04vicious woman.
21:06Unexpectedly arrived
21:07from Paris this morning.
21:08Would you please welcome
21:09Madame Guillotine herself?
21:19Are these the English pigs?
21:21Yes, that's us.
21:22Leave them with me,
21:24monsieur ambassador.
21:25I intend to torture them
21:26in a manner
21:27so unbearably gruesome,
21:29even you will not
21:30be able to stand it.
21:32I don't think
21:33I will have a problem,
21:34madame.
21:34No, you will be sick.
21:36What if I stay
21:37for the first few minutes
21:38and then I leave
21:38if I'm feeling queasy?
21:39No, you will be sick
21:40immediately.
21:41What if I'm sick
21:42quietly in a bag?
21:44I mean,
21:45what is in your mind?
21:53So,
21:55Scott,
21:55prepare to be
21:57in pain.
21:59Yes, certainly.
22:01But first,
22:02perhaps a toast
22:03to your beauty.
22:06Oh, thank you.
22:07Okay.
22:09Yes.
22:12So I expect
22:13you were expected
22:14to be rescued.
22:15Huh?
22:15Some bloody hope.
22:17On the contrary,
22:18I'm just sorry
22:19I'm so late.
22:20What?
22:22Yes, gentlemen,
22:23I have come
22:24to take you
22:24to freedom.
22:25Hooray!
22:26My God,
22:27smegly.
22:28But I thought
22:28you were an absolute
22:29fathead.
22:30No, just a damn
22:31fine actor.
22:33Thank God
22:33I got here
22:34before you took
22:34any of those
22:35awful suicide pills.
22:40Yes, I suppose
22:41if someone had
22:42taken one
22:42and wished that
22:43he'd hadn't,
22:44he'd be able
22:44to do something
22:45about it.
22:45No, no,
22:46they're very odd
22:47things, you see.
22:48The symptoms
22:49are most peculiar.
22:51First of all,
22:51the victims become
22:52very, very depressed.
22:55Oh, God!
22:57But this whole
22:58revolution is so
22:59depressing,
22:59I mean,
22:59sometimes I wonder
23:00why I bother.
23:01I mean,
23:02I'm so lonely
23:02and nobody loves me.
23:04Then after the
23:04depression comes
23:05death.
23:06No, after the
23:06depression comes
23:07the loss of temper,
23:08you stuck-up bastard!
23:10What are you
23:10staring at?
23:12Oh!
23:13Then after the
23:14temper comes
23:15death.
23:16No!
23:17After the temper
23:18comes the, um...
23:20comes the, um...
23:22forgetfulness?
23:23Uh, yes,
23:23that's it.
23:24Uh, comes the, uh...
23:25Forgetfulness.
23:26Yes, yes,
23:27right in the middle
23:28of a thingy,
23:29you completely forget
23:31what it was you...
23:32Oh, nice pair
23:33of shoes.
23:34And after the
23:35forgetfulness,
23:35you die.
23:36Oh, no,
23:36I forgot one!
23:37After the forgetfulness
23:38comes a moment
23:39of exquisite happiness!
23:41Jumping up and down
23:42and waving your arms
23:44in the air
23:44and knowing that
23:45in a minute
23:45we're all going
23:45to be free!
23:46Free!
23:48Free!
23:48And then death?
23:50No, you jump
23:50in a corner first.
23:54Hooray!
23:55It's the Scarlet
23:56Pimpernel!
23:57Yes, Maldry.
23:58And you killed him!
24:00Yes, Maldry.
24:01I mean,
24:02what's the bloody
24:03point of being
24:03the Scarlet Pimpernel
24:05if you're going
24:05to fall for
24:06the old
24:06poison cup routine?
24:08Scarlet Pimpernel
24:09my foot,
24:10Scarlet git
24:10more like it.
24:12But wait,
24:13here's our chance
24:13to escape.
24:14What, what about
24:14Mr. Fru?
24:15Ah, forget
24:16Fru-Fru.
24:17I wouldn't pick
24:18my nose to save
24:19his life.
24:19Now, come on.
24:20Ah, ah,
24:21Fru-Fru,
24:22my old friend
24:22and comrade.
24:23What are you doing
24:24here?
24:25I escaped.
24:26What happened here?
24:27Oh, er, nothing.
24:28Nothing.
24:29Er, I thought
24:30for a moment
24:30the Scarlet Pimpernel
24:32had saved you.
24:33Ha, ha, ha, ha.
24:34Ha, ha, ha.
24:38All right, chaps,
24:39good to see you.
24:40Just trying on
24:41the new trousers.
24:42I return, sir,
24:43as promised.
24:44Plus one top
24:44French aristocrat
24:46fresh from the Bastille.
24:48Ah, pleased to meet you,
24:49monsieur.
24:50Do sit down.
24:50Oh, jean,
24:51I am.
24:52Damn sorry
24:53about the revolution
24:53and all that cake.
24:54I'm most awfully bad luck.
24:56So tell me, Blackadder,
24:57how the devil
24:57did you get him out?
24:58Sir, it is an
24:59extraordinary tale
25:00of courage and heroism
25:01which I blush
25:02from telling myself,
25:03but seeing as
25:03there's no one else,
25:04I could try.
25:06We left England
25:07in good weather
25:08but that was as far
25:09as our luck held.
25:11In the middle of Dover Harbour
25:12we were struck
25:12by a tidal wave
25:13and I was forced
25:15to swim to Boulogne
25:16with the unconscious
25:17Baldrick
25:17tucked into my trousers.
25:19Then we were taken
25:20to Paris
25:21where I was summerally tried
25:23and condemned to death
25:24and then hung
25:25by the larger
25:26of my testicles
25:27from the walls
25:27of the Bastille.
25:28It was then
25:29that I decided
25:30I had had enough.
25:32Bravo!
25:34I rescued the Count
25:35killed the guards
25:36jumped the moat
25:37ran to Versailles
25:39where I climbed
25:40into Mr. Ropespeer's bedroom
25:41leaving him
25:42a small tray
25:43of milk chocolates
25:44and an insulting note.
25:46The rest
25:46was easy.
25:48That is an incredible story
25:49worthy of the starlet
25:51Pimperell himself.
25:52Well, I wouldn't know.
25:55I, on the other hand,
25:56would
25:56because
25:57your sister
26:06I, on the scarlet
26:08to Pimperell.
26:09Uh-oh.
26:11Good Lord!
26:13Topper!
26:14Yes, your hand.
26:15But he gads them
26:16by Jingo
26:17with dumplings,
26:18steak and kidneys
26:19and a good solid
26:19helping of sprouts.
26:20I can't believe it!
26:22You're the fellow
26:23who has single-handedly
26:24saved all those
26:25damn Frenchies
26:26from the chop?
26:26Not quite single-handedly, sir.
26:29I operated
26:30with the help
26:30of my friend Smedley
26:31but he seems
26:33to have disappeared
26:34for the moment
26:34slightly mysteriously.
26:37Shut up, Bordrick.
26:39So, so Blackadder
26:41rescued the scarlet Pimperell?
26:44No, sir.
26:44He did not.
26:46Eh?
26:46Prepare yourself
26:47for a story
26:48of dishonour
26:49and deceit
26:49that will make
26:50your stomach turn.
26:53Well, I say,
26:54this is interesting,
26:54isn't it, Blackadder?
26:57Not only that,
26:58but I trust
26:59it will lead
27:00to the imprisonment
27:00of a man
27:01who is a liar,
27:02a bounder
27:03and a cad.
27:07Well, bravo!
27:09Because we hate
27:09liars, bounders
27:10and cads,
27:11don't we, Blackadder?
27:12Generally speaking,
27:13yes, sir.
27:14But perhaps
27:15before Lord Topper
27:16starts to talk,
27:17he might like
27:19a glass of wine.
27:20He's looking
27:21a little shaken.
27:22Shaken,
27:23but not stirred.
27:26It all began
27:27last week.
27:28I was sitting
27:29in Mrs. Miggins'
27:30coffee shop
27:31when...
27:33Oh, God!
27:36All this treachery
27:37is so depressing.
27:39I mean,
27:39the whole thing
27:40makes you
27:41so incredibly angry!
27:43I mean,
27:44it just makes you
27:45want to...
27:46nice waistcoat,
27:47your majesty.
27:50I'm sorry,
27:51I've completely
27:52forgotten what
27:52I was talking about.
27:54A story of
27:55dishonor and deceit.
27:56Oh!
27:56That's a great story!
27:58That's great!
27:59Oh, that's a
27:59wonderful story!
28:01Let me just
28:02jump into this
28:03corner first.
28:07Roast mine raisins!
28:08He's popped it!
28:10I say, Blackadder,
28:11do you think he really
28:12was the scarlet
28:12Pimpernel?
28:13Well, judging
28:14from the ridiculous
28:15ostentatiousness
28:16of his death,
28:17I would say
28:17that he was.
28:18Well, then,
28:19that's a damn shame
28:20because I wanted
28:21to give him
28:21this enormous
28:22postal order.
28:23Please, sir,
28:24let me finish.
28:25I would say
28:25that he was...
28:27n't.
28:28You see,
28:28the scarlet Pimpernel
28:29would never, ever
28:31reveal his identity.
28:32That's his great secret.
28:34So what you're
28:36actually looking for
28:37is someone
28:38who has, say,
28:39just been to France
28:39and rescued
28:40an aristocrat.
28:41But when asked,
28:42are you the scarlet
28:43Pimpernel,
28:44he replies,
28:45absolutely not, sir.
28:46Wait a minute.
28:48Blackadder,
28:48you've just been to France.
28:50And he's rescued
28:51a French aristocrat.
28:53Oh, Blackadder,
28:54are you the scarlet
28:55Pimpernel?
28:57Absolutely not, sir.
28:59Oh, Blackadder,
29:11Blackadder,
29:13uh, Blackadder,
29:17uh, Blackadder,
29:25Adam,
29:28Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
29:34oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
29:38oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
29:39oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
29:39oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
29:39oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
29:47I don't know what!
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